And not but

Build on ideas, rather than discounting them

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is to respect what others say and build
on it rather than disagreeing as a default, think and not.

(00:25):
But we've all been in situations where others seem to
immediately discount our ideas. Look there's an ice cream parlor,
but look at the line. Let's keep going. We could
host a five K to raise money for the hospital.
We did that several years ago and it was a
waste of time. I'd love to participate in our presentation
to the team, but I'm the project lead. I'm the

(00:45):
one who presents ouch. Moments like these are definitely de motivational,
and they don't have to happen even in situations where
there are some disagreements. New managers and new lewood's often
get the advice to say and not, But as they
learn to navigate new relationships, it turns out that using

(01:09):
the word but in emotionally charged conversations can make others
feel that their perspective is being dismissed or negated by
yours and feels more amicable. And chances are you can
still get to a good solution. For instance, imagine your
daughter says she wants to go to her friend's house.
Your first response, but we have to social distance, using

(01:33):
and suggests the different framing. You want to go to
Katie's house and we need to keep our family and
her family safe. How can we do that? Then maybe
together you decide she can hang out on her friend's
porch and not. But is great for finding solutions at
work too. Suppose your boss asks you to pull together

(01:54):
some data for a project. Immediately, you've got another deadline
that is taking all your attention Instead of responding, but
I'm swamped with that report you have me doing. Try
reframing it. You'd like me to pull together the data
as soon as possible, and I have this Friday deadline
for our other project. Could I get you the data Monday?

(02:16):
Among improv comedy troops, there's generally an agreement that when
one actor proposes something during a scene, the others accept
it and build on it. They call this principle yes.
And if one actor says, Dad, are dogs missing, the
other actor can say, I bet she's headed for the lake.
Dad cannot say, we don't have a dog that kills

(02:38):
the scene right there, and it takes the momentum out
of other interactions too favoring and over but allows us
to see possibilities. We're not canceling out what the other
person has said. We're letting their perspective and ours coexist
and see what can be made of the two. So today,

(03:00):
when you find yourself about to say but, try figuring
out a way to say, and but you can't have
ice cream, you haven't had your broccoli becomes and you
can have ice cream just as soon as you eat
your broccoli. Same thing, entirely different approach. In the meantime,
This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making

(03:21):
the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to
hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,
and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod that's B the number four,

(03:44):
then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me
an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeart media dot com.
That Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.
Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.
Before Breakfast is a production of I Heart Radio. For

(04:06):
more podcasts from I Heart radio, visit the I heart
Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.