Ask about a prior success

How to keep negotiations positive

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is to make a negotiation go better by
asking the other person about a past success. Doing so
keeps the interaction positive and helps you see new possibilities.

(00:27):
I'm taking this tip from Alexandra Carter's book Ask for
More Ten Questions to Negotiate Anything. Carter, a Columbia Law
School professor, is known for her mediation work. Well, we
tend the scene negotiations as adversarial. They don't have to be.
The best outcome is for both people to get results
that they are happy with. Her book shares ideas for

(00:50):
how to make that possible. One of my favorite questions
she suggests asking is how have you handled this successfully
in the past. In asking this question and of someone else,
you will open up a window so that you can
expand your view of the other person and get to
know more about what has made them successful in the past.
She says, you'll gather important data about what has worked

(01:11):
for this person in the past and what might work
for them and you again in the future. Additionally, and
asking about a prior success, you'll anchor the other person
in positive, empowering feelings that research has shown to improve
the way they will handle their next inner personal interaction
with you. I bet you can imagine how this question

(01:34):
can shape a negotiation. Maybe the contractor repaving your driveway
did a job you're not happy with. Rather than yelling
or threatening lawsuits or other such crazy things, simply ask
how his business successfully dealt with a customer issue in
the past. He's immediately put in a place to feel
proud of his business, which means he's in a much

(01:56):
more generous frame of mind for addressing your problem. Or
maybe you'd like your spouse to help more with chores
around the house. While stomping around, pouting or breaking dishes
might feel satisfying, these are not known to achieve results,
but asking your spouse how he or she successfully reached
a good division of labor on a work project puts
everyone in a problem solving mode. What can you all

(02:19):
learn from this previous satisfactory outcome that can help you now.
I especially like this approach because it allows the other
person to offer ideas that you might not have even considered.
We can spend a lot of time ruminating about what
needs to happen. But if you haven't faced a situation before,
you don't know all the possibilities. Some are probably more

(02:41):
achievable than others. Best to learn from others accumulated wisdom.
So today, if you find yourself in a negotiation, and
really life is a negotiation, try asking the other person
about what's worked in the past. My guess is that
you are far more are likely to achieve a result

(03:02):
you can both live with. In the meantime, this is Laura.
Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of
our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.
You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.

(03:22):
Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at
Before Breakfast Pod that's B the number four, then Breakfast
p o D. You can also shoot me an email
at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media dot com
that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.
Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.

(03:50):
Before Breakfast is a production of I Heart Radio. For
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