Don't ask ‘what do you do?’

Try better conversation starters to spark meaningful connections

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is to avoid starting conversations with that seemingly
innocuous phrase, what do you do? There are plenty of
reasons this phrase is problematic for starters. Not everyone works

(00:26):
in a traditional job. Even people who normally do might
not be doing so now. Someone might be newly unemployed,
or might be disillusioned with their current job and just
not want to talk about it. People who are full
time caregivers report the glaze that comes over some people's
eyes when they mentioned staying home with kids or looking
after an elderly relative. Of course, plenty of people know.

(00:49):
What do you do? Might be perceived as a rude
question outside of professional networking events, but a lot of
the substitute questions aren't better. Where do you live? Won't
lead to a fruitful con versation unless the event you're
attending draws people from very far afield. And then there's
this gem, what's keeping you busy these days? I understand
and appreciate the implication that passions extend beyond paid work,

(01:13):
but oh, that word busy. It leads us to talk
about how much we have going on, and if we
have so much going on, we don't have space for
the new relationship that could result from this conversation, do we. Fortunately,
there are lots of better ways to start conversations. You
and the person you're speaking with are both at the
event for a reason, so setting out that connection will

(01:35):
create automatic common ground. If you're at Dave's birthday party,
how do you know Dave? Clearly the person does, or
at least know someone who knows Dave, so this can
lead the conversation to Dave related places. At a regular
social or community gathering, have you been to one of
these before? If not, you can welcome the person and
make sure they feel at home by explaining any nuances.

(01:58):
If yes, you can talk about past events you both attended.
If you're new, you can ask questions about anything your
conversation partner thinks you should know. The weather is not
so exciting unless it really is. If you all just
live through a hurricane, feel free to discuss. But one
fruitful avenue is to ask the other person for advice
and recommendations, as long as you're pretty sure there will

(02:21):
be forthcoming advice in that category. I don't watch much
TV or mini movies, so I'm pretty much useless there,
though at least I know what movies are in theaters
thanks to my twelve year old box office prediction obsession.
I love to ask about books I should read, but
this requires an assumption that everyone at the party makes
a habit of reading books, which may not be all
the case. But most people eat out on occasion or

(02:42):
have in the past, so if you're all from the
same area, you could say you're looking to celebrate a
special occasion and would love a restaurant recommendation, or here's
another good one. You're hoping to do a short weekend getaway.
What would your conversation partner recommend within a three hour radius.
That last question allows your conversation partner to tell stories

(03:02):
about his or her weekend adventures. From this, you'll pick
up on all sorts of potential commonalities, an interest in
adventure or food or outdoor activities, or that you both
have kids, or often traveling groups with extended family. Most likely,
the person will mention what he or she does professionally
at some point in there, but it's part of a

(03:23):
richer conversation, which means it feels less like a job interview,
and job interviews are never fun when you're supposed to
be at a party, How do you start conversations? Please
let me know at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeart media
dot com. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for
listening and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,

(03:51):
I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod
that's b E the number four, then Breakfast p o D.
You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast
podcast at i heeart media dot com. That Before Breakfast

(04:13):
is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much,
I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is
a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from
my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.