Get close to get close

Spend more time around people you'd like to get to know better

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is to get close to get close. When you
spend time in the same place as other people, you

(00:25):
are more likely to feel emotionally close to them too.
So you have probably wondered why it was easier to
make friends in childhood than it often is in adulthood.
The simple explanation is that kids tend to cross paths
again and again with the same people, people who are,

(00:46):
of course potential friends. You and Bobby take the same
bus to and from school every day, and ride bikes
in the same cul de sac every weekend. You and
Jake go from the same classroom, to the same table
in the cafeteria, to the same swing set on the
playground every day Monday through Friday. Chances are you are

(01:08):
going to become friends. But as adults, our lives aren't
structured with quite so much social repetition. Sure, you may
have neighbors and colleagues, and you may know the parents
of the other kids in your kids class and on
his soccer team, but you may not interact with any
of those people enough that a friendship is likely to occur.

(01:32):
Forming a friendship takes more than just a wave and
a smile as you power walk past each other on
to the next thing. The New York Times Happiness Challenge
introduced me to the term propinquity or nearness. When you
are near a person and interact with them repeatedly, you

(01:54):
are more likely to become friends. Kids have more opportunity
for making friends because of their propinquity with so many
other kids, but adults can intentionally build nearness into their
lives to foster friendships too. So how do we do that.
One great option is to join a group, join the PTA,

(02:17):
or maybe you like to cook, take a cooking class
at a nearby community center, or volunteer for a weekly
shift preparing meals at a soup kitchen. If sports are
more your thing, you might join a kickball team or
play regular pickup basketball join a pickleball league. Inviting a
teammate out to toast her winning hit after your softball

(02:38):
game is a natural way to start to deepen your relationship.
Consider what your interests are and find a regular opportunity
to pursue that interest with the same people in the
same place. Friendship expert Shasta Nelson emphasizes the importance of
consistency building friendships. When you keep showing up again and again,

(03:06):
friendships almost naturally start to form. If you feel hesitant
to add one more commitment to your schedule, or if
you're not a joiner, or if big groups aren't your thing,
another option is to just keep showing up at the
same place. Become a regular at a neighborhood coffee shop

(03:27):
or restaurant or bar. Go to the library at roughly
the same time every week, and when you start to
notice people you have seen there before, make small talk
if they seem open to it. If you go to
worship services, sit at the same place every time and
don't dash out the door as soon as the service

(03:49):
is over. Give people a chance to say hello. While
you are waiting for your daughter's gymnastics class to end,
sit in the lobby instead of an in your car.
Eat your lunch in the staff break room, not at
your desk. Even if you are able to work remotely
all the time, consider working in your office on occasion.

(04:14):
If you want to develop deeper relationships, which can boost
your happiness and life satisfaction, consider joining a group of
people with a shared interest, or just keep showing up
at places where you cross paths with potential friends. When
we spend time near other people, it is natural to

(04:34):
start becoming emotionally close to them as well. In the meantime,
this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making
the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to

(04:56):
hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
or any something else. Just connect with me on Twitter,
Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod that's b E
the number four, then Breakfast p o D. You can
also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast Podcasts at
iHeartMedia dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with

(05:19):
all the letters. Thanks so much. Should I look forward
to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio.
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