Goals should help, not trap

If a goal isn't enhancing your life, let it go

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is that goals exist to help us, not
to trap us. If something is improving your life, that

(00:24):
is great. If it is not, you are allowed to
let it go. Today's tip comes from Sarah hart Unger's podcast,
Best Laid Plans. If you listen to my other podcast,
Best of Both Worlds, you may know her as my
co host. Best Laid Plans is her other podcast, which

(00:45):
focuses on planners and planning. Fans of Sarah know that
she loves setting goals and monitoring her progress toward these goals.
But Sarah is also intentional about letting go of goals
that end up not serving her well, because, as she
puts it, goals are to help us, not to trap us.

(01:10):
I think this is wise. Ideally, goals motivate us to
work towards something that we find valuable. They not just
to take small, steady steps towards becoming the people that
we want to be. If you have a goal that
is not doing that well, then you've got some thinking

(01:30):
to do. Goals should enhance well being, not diminish it.
If a goal is making you feel trapped, then it
might not be the right goal for you, or at
least not the right goal for right now. This realization
usually plays out in one of two ways. First, sometimes

(01:52):
we do theoretically want to achieve the goal, but we
come to recognize that the opportunity cost is too i
for instance, you say you want to run a marathon.
Great goal, but with your work and family schedule, it
seems that the cost will mean giving up that Sunday
morning brunch with your best friends for the four months

(02:13):
that you are training, and that Sunday morning brunch is
what makes the rest of the week feel doable. Or
maybe your goal of retiring early means you are saving
so aggressively that you feel like you need to say
no to things that really you'd like to say yes to,
like travel, getting together with friends, or giving to a

(02:34):
cause you care about. The Pursuit of a future goal
can cause the present to feel out of balance. If
that's the case, you can do several things. One is
to make sure that you are truly viewing the trade
offs correctly. When I trained for a marathon many years ago,

(02:55):
I decided to start work late on either Wednesday or
Thursday morning each week, and I do my long run
on that morning, no weekend sacrifice required. As for the
aggressive saving, maybe there are ways to say yes to
things without huge outlays of cash. You suggest potlucks with friends,

(03:16):
and you volunteer regularly in place of donating. That said,
you might also decide to modify your goal. The shorter
long runs that are necessary for a half marathon might
have you done in time for brunch. You could retire
it fifty four instead of fifty and get a better

(03:38):
balance of present and future desires. Figure out how the
goal can be life affirming, helpful instead of something that
traps you into unwanted outcomes. Aside from the opportunity cost,
the second way that goals wind up feeling like traps
is when we discover that they are actually not as

(03:59):
attractive as anticipated. All sorts of things sound awesome until
you spend a lot of time doing them. Just because
something is meaningful or enjoyable for someone else doesn't mean
it will be for you. Maybe everyone has said that
you would be great in marketing, so you set a

(04:21):
goal of career change. You go on a lot of
informational interviews and realize as you do that the field
just doesn't seem like a good fit good to now
it is okay to let the goal go. In fact,
it is great that you realize this. You should celebrate
this new knowledge. Goals are here to help us, not

(04:45):
trap us in something that doesn't feel right. Time to
start working towards something else. This is especially important to
remember now as people start setting their goals for the
new Year. I of New Year's resolutions as much as
the next person. Just remember to think through how the
goal will play out in day to day life and

(05:09):
what the ramifications of that will be. And keep in
mind that if a goal is going to make you
feel unhappy with life by February, then you should rethink it.
Goals are here to serve us. They are there to
help us, not trap us. There's no reason to have
goals that do anything else. In the meantime, this is Laura,

(05:36):
Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of
our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.
You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.
Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at

(05:56):
Before Breakfast Pod. That's b E. The number four. Then
Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me an
email at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeartmedia dot com
that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.
Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.

(06:20):
Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. For
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