February 13, 2020 • 6 mins
A listener asks how to find time to date
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is about how busy people can still make
time to meet someone special. Valentine's Day is coming up,
and if you're in a happy couple, that's awesome. But
(00:25):
many people find themselves in different stages of life. And
I recently got a letter from a listener who had
been on her own for a while. I was trying
to figure out how she could make time for dating
our listeners. Husband had died a few years ago, and
she's now raising her nine year old daughter as a
single parent. She says that I'm ready to date, but
find it difficult to muster the energy to find someone,
(00:47):
let alone go out on a date. It seems like
online dating is the thing to do now, but she
says that it feels very weird to me since she
met her husband when this wasn't as much of a
thing as it is now. I'm usually tired for work
and extracurricular activities with my daughter, and the usual home duties,
she says. My commute is at least an hour each
way to work. I finally get an hour or so
(01:09):
of me time in the evenings after I put my
daughter to bed, but I'm also trying to read, shower,
and do other focus tasks that I can't do while
she was away. So what do you suggest? How can
I carve out dating and social time. How much time
should I commit to these tasks or do I just
live life and hope someone falls into my sites. I
think this is a great question. Plenty of people with
(01:31):
jobs and family responsibilities would like to meet someone special,
but because of those jobs and family responsibilities, dating can
seem like one more thing on the to do list.
And like our listener, I got married before online dating
was as big a thing as it is now. But
I've talked with a lot of people about how they
approach it, and I've studied people's timelogs to see how
(01:52):
it's been incorporated. The good news is that it does
make the process of meeting other single people a lot
more of a sh than in the past. Setting up
first dates at least is relatively easy, and since that's
the case, I recommend taking a very strategic, numbers oriented
approach to this project. Our listener could sign up for
(02:14):
a few services that friends recommend, and then give herself
a target of going on one first date every two weeks.
She could do this right after work or possibly over
lunch or coffee, so she wouldn't have to worry about
finding additional childcare. Now, to be clear, most of these
dates will be mediocre at best, but the upside is
(02:36):
that it's only two hours a month, so it's hard
to feel like you've wasted too much time. If nothing else,
our listener can try to find humor in the experience,
or maybe meet people who might be interesting professional connections. Now,
they probably won't all be terrible, of course, and this
is where the numbers game comes in. If our listener
goes on twenty four first dates in a year, the
(02:59):
odds are reason symbol that she'll have at least a
few dates with people she wouldn't mind seeing a second time. Now,
let's say that one in four of those works out great. Well,
now she's going on six second dates in a year.
What if three of those turn into a third date
and one or two of those might be a reasonable
fourth date. Now we're getting somewhere. The key is to
be consistent with first dates until you meet someone who
(03:22):
makes you want to not be consistent about going on
first dates anymore. Of course, online dating isn't the only
way to go. Our listeners said that some friends had
suggested meet up groups and the like, and I think
it's smart in general to build an active adult social
life as a single parent, not even necessarily for dating purposes,
but just because it's fun. The more people you know
(03:44):
who like similar things to you, the broader your network
will be. And no doubt some of the people in
these networks know people that they'd be willing to set
you up with, so that helps with keeping up the
volume of first dates too. Of course, all this is
slightly more complex as a single parent. Divorced parents who
share custody can at least try to schedule their dating
lives around the times when their former partners have the kids.
(04:07):
Our listener is going to need to be more proactive,
but I'm guessing that over the last few years of
solo parenting she has made some arrangements with friends and neighbors, relatives,
and paid caregivers who can step in for a few
hours when she needs it. And the good news is
that in a few years her daughter will be able
to take care of herself for short periods of time.
(04:27):
And that will open up a lot more possibilities. As
for just hoping someone wonderful will appear, well, it's always possible.
Meeting someone wonderful does involve some amount of luck. But
here's the thing with luck, we can nudge it along.
Someone going on twenty four first dates in a year
is far more likely to look out and meet someone
wonderful than someone who sticks to the same routine of
(04:49):
work and home chores as before. I'm happy to report
that I heard back from our listener that she was
willing to take this on as a project. A goal
of one date every two weeks sounds doable and not
so daunting, she says, I think I could do that,
and if she does, I'm sure that luck will bend
her way after a while. In the meantime, this is Laura.
(05:11):
Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of
our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.
You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.
Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at
Before Breakfast Pod that's b E the number four, then
(05:35):
Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me an
email at Before Breakfast Podcast at I heeart media dot
Com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.
Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.
Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. For
(05:57):
more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the i heart
Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows. H
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is about how busy people can still make
time to meet someone special. Valentine's Day is coming up,
and if you're in a happy couple, that's awesome. But
(00:25):
many people find themselves in different stages of life. And
I recently got a letter from a listener who had
been on her own for a while. I was trying
to figure out how she could make time for dating
our listeners. Husband had died a few years ago, and
she's now raising her nine year old daughter as a
single parent. She says that I'm ready to date, but
find it difficult to muster the energy to find someone,
(00:47):
let alone go out on a date. It seems like
online dating is the thing to do now, but she
says that it feels very weird to me since she
met her husband when this wasn't as much of a
thing as it is now. I'm usually tired for work
and extracurricular activities with my daughter, and the usual home duties,
she says. My commute is at least an hour each
way to work. I finally get an hour or so
(01:09):
of me time in the evenings after I put my
daughter to bed, but I'm also trying to read, shower,
and do other focus tasks that I can't do while
she was away. So what do you suggest? How can
I carve out dating and social time. How much time
should I commit to these tasks or do I just
live life and hope someone falls into my sites. I
think this is a great question. Plenty of people with
(01:31):
jobs and family responsibilities would like to meet someone special,
but because of those jobs and family responsibilities, dating can
seem like one more thing on the to do list.
And like our listener, I got married before online dating
was as big a thing as it is now. But
I've talked with a lot of people about how they
approach it, and I've studied people's timelogs to see how
(01:52):
it's been incorporated. The good news is that it does
make the process of meeting other single people a lot
more of a sh than in the past. Setting up
first dates at least is relatively easy, and since that's
the case, I recommend taking a very strategic, numbers oriented
approach to this project. Our listener could sign up for
(02:14):
a few services that friends recommend, and then give herself
a target of going on one first date every two weeks.
She could do this right after work or possibly over
lunch or coffee, so she wouldn't have to worry about
finding additional childcare. Now, to be clear, most of these
dates will be mediocre at best, but the upside is
(02:36):
that it's only two hours a month, so it's hard
to feel like you've wasted too much time. If nothing else,
our listener can try to find humor in the experience,
or maybe meet people who might be interesting professional connections. Now,
they probably won't all be terrible, of course, and this
is where the numbers game comes in. If our listener
goes on twenty four first dates in a year, the
(02:59):
odds are reason symbol that she'll have at least a
few dates with people she wouldn't mind seeing a second time. Now,
let's say that one in four of those works out great. Well,
now she's going on six second dates in a year.
What if three of those turn into a third date
and one or two of those might be a reasonable
fourth date. Now we're getting somewhere. The key is to
be consistent with first dates until you meet someone who
(03:22):
makes you want to not be consistent about going on
first dates anymore. Of course, online dating isn't the only
way to go. Our listeners said that some friends had
suggested meet up groups and the like, and I think
it's smart in general to build an active adult social
life as a single parent, not even necessarily for dating purposes,
but just because it's fun. The more people you know
(03:44):
who like similar things to you, the broader your network
will be. And no doubt some of the people in
these networks know people that they'd be willing to set
you up with, so that helps with keeping up the
volume of first dates too. Of course, all this is
slightly more complex as a single parent. Divorced parents who
share custody can at least try to schedule their dating
lives around the times when their former partners have the kids.
(04:07):
Our listener is going to need to be more proactive,
but I'm guessing that over the last few years of
solo parenting she has made some arrangements with friends and neighbors, relatives,
and paid caregivers who can step in for a few
hours when she needs it. And the good news is
that in a few years her daughter will be able
to take care of herself for short periods of time.
(04:27):
And that will open up a lot more possibilities. As
for just hoping someone wonderful will appear, well, it's always possible.
Meeting someone wonderful does involve some amount of luck. But
here's the thing with luck, we can nudge it along.
Someone going on twenty four first dates in a year
is far more likely to look out and meet someone
wonderful than someone who sticks to the same routine of
(04:49):
work and home chores as before. I'm happy to report
that I heard back from our listener that she was
willing to take this on as a project. A goal
of one date every two weeks sounds doable and not
so daunting, she says, I think I could do that,
and if she does, I'm sure that luck will bend
her way after a while. In the meantime, this is Laura.
(05:11):
Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of
our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.
You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.
Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at
Before Breakfast Pod that's b E the number four, then
(05:35):
Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me an
email at Before Breakfast Podcast at I heeart media dot
Com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.
Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.
Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. For
(05:57):
more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the i heart
Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows. H
Before Breakfast News
Host
Laura Vanderkam
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