How to ask for help

People respond best to personal, specific requests

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is how to ask for help in a
way that people are more likely to say. Yes. We
all need people to help us out from time to time.

(00:24):
Maybe you want a neighbor to water your plants while
you're on vacation, or you'd like a colleague to make
an introduction. Every time I have a book come out,
I hope that the various other authors and influencers I
know will share my work with their audiences. Of course,
I get requests from other authors to share news of
their books too, and over time I started to notice something.

(00:46):
Some of these requests were far more effective than others.
Some people clearly sent the same email to everyone, and
sometimes this mass emailing would even be acknowledged as such
in the first sentence, Sorry, I don't have time to
write you all individually, but would you do this for me? Now?
I generally try to still be a good citizen of

(01:07):
the author world and help out, but I know that
part of my brain would always be thinking, well, if
you don't have time to write me individually, why should
I make time individually? To do what you're asking. And
if I'm thinking this, then probably other recipients of the
mass email are thinking the same thing, and maybe they're
just deleting the email. So sure, the sender theoretically saved time,

(01:31):
but he or she didn't get the wanted results either.
But when somebody I've met writes me individually and asks
for help, the bias is always to say yes. I've
since come across research finding that this is how most
people react to such requests. When you are asked individually,

(01:51):
the responsibility is on you. You know, it isn't shared,
and the interest of preserving the relationship, you'll feel like
you need a good reason to say no, and so
the easiest course is, in fact, to say yes. The
ASCAR could make it even easier to say yes by
being very specific about what here she wants. Here's a

(02:12):
Facebook post you can share with about my project, or
could you post something on Twitter? Here's a tweet you
could use if you wanted. These requests are even more
effective if the person has thought through what you specifically
could do, Like here's an idea for a before Breakfast
episode and it fits with the theme of the podcast.
Now I know this, and so I always ask for

(02:34):
help individually. When my most recent book, Juliet's School of Possibilities,
came out last March, I emailed hundreds of people with
personal requests. The vast majority of these people responded positively. Now, yes,
this took a lot of time, but so what It
was a good use of time, and not just for

(02:54):
sharing the news of the book. I was able to
reconnect with several people who then kept me in mind
for a few your projects too. Technology makes it very
easy to communicate with lots of people at once, and
sometimes that's fine, But if you want people to use
their precious time to help you, you're generally better off
investing the time and asking for help personally and specifically,

(03:18):
and then of course thanking people, because when you do that,
everyone is more inclined to help in the future. In
the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's
to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd

(03:40):
love to hear from you. You can send me your tips,
your questions, or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,
and Instagram at before Breakfast pod that's b the number
four then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot
me an email at before Breakfast podcast at i heart

(04:00):
media dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with
all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to
staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I
heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit
the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you

(04:21):
listen to your favorite shows.