Invite a yes, not a no

Ask questions that elicit the answer you want

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is to invite a yes, not a no. While
this might seem like a small thing, phrasing your questions

(00:27):
so that people who agree with you can answer yes
makes for clearer conversations. It creates a tone of positivity too.
People often ask each other do you mind if would
it be too much trouble if I We generally assume
that phrasing questions this way is more polite than asking

(00:51):
in different ways. But the problem is that if you
ask questions this way, if someone agrees with you, the
correct response as actually no, as in no, I do
not mind if you turn down the heat, or no
it would not be too much trouble for me to
keep your kid at my house for an extra fifteen

(01:12):
minutes since you got stuck in traffic. As you can imagine,
when a no answer is affirmative, this is confusing. People
might say yes naturally to indicate they agree, and then
you have to figure out what they meant, as in
yes they mind or yes it's okay. When people are

(01:32):
thinking about this problem, they often answer sure, that's fine
to indicate their affirmation, but all of that is extra
mental work. It is clearer to phrase your question so
that an answer of yes affirms that your plan is
indeed okay, all right with you? If I turned down

(01:53):
the heat, an answer of yes or sure means that
your companion is fine with your chaining the thermostat. Inviting
a guess is mentally easier, but it also avoids needlessly
introducing the negative. It feels better to say and hear yes.

(02:15):
That is true and general in life. So why not
rephrase your questions so that the answer indicating agreement with
your plan is positively phrased? All right? If I open
the sun roof, could I look over your shoulder to
see the agenda? Does it work for you? If I
hop in the shower, now okay with you? If we

(02:36):
eat dinner outside, If what you have proposed is all right,
your companion can say yes or sure or some other
positive response, and all is good. You just need to
be attuned to the answer you are eliciting. It's a
little thing, sure, but it does make life a little

(03:00):
bit better in the meantime. This is Laura, Thanks for listening,
and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,
I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

(03:21):
your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod
that's b E the number four, then Breakfast p o D.
You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast
Podcasts at iHeartMedia dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled

(03:42):
out with all the letters. Thanks so much. Should I
look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a
production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.