Keep up with circumstantial friends

Stay in touch, even when circumstances change

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is that you can keep up with friends
of convenience and circumstance, even when those circumstances change. Through

(00:25):
our lives, we've all gotten to know people just because
it was really, really convenient to talk to them. In college,
maybe you had the people you sat with in chemistry
or Spanish, or who were assigned to the same bathroom
in your dorm. In adult life, we likewise wind up
with acquaintances we didn't necessarily seek out, but who we
become friendly with. Nonetheless, the woman on the mat next

(00:47):
to you and yoga class, the work colleague who's cupicle
you pass by on the way to the kitchen. The
guy who gets on the train with you and gets
off at the same stop. You can wind up seeing
these people several times a week, and so they become
important to us, and these relationships give us a sense
of connection, rooted nous and community, even though our interactions

(01:11):
are limited to a particular experience. You aren't necessarily going
to ask the train guy about his deepest hopes and fears,
but he's got a funny story to tell about what
happened on his last vacation. Then life changes. Suddenly you
don't see these people five times a week. When that happens,

(01:33):
these relationships have to change too, or you risk losing them.
You've probably had friends of circumstance with him, you've lost
touch with after you change jobs, or when your kids
change schools. And of course all of us have had
our lives disrupted by COVID and suddenly you don't see
the woman on the yoga mat, the colleague by the kitchen,

(01:55):
or the guy from your train anymore. It's natural that
friendships wax and wayne, but a change in circumstance doesn't
have to mean the end of a friendship. There are
several ways we can maintain these casual ties even when
they are no longer so automatic. To begin with, it's
helpful to have contact information for your daily life friends.

(02:19):
You don't want to have to rely on running into
them to be able to communicate, so offer your contact information.
One easy way to do this is that they may
share something interesting with you. Hey, can you text me
the name of that restaurant you liked? Can you email
me that article you mentioned? Having each other's contact information

(02:40):
means you are equipped to maintain your relationship in new
ways if daily life changes. Here are some simple ideas
for doing just that. First, you can send holiday cards.
This is a pretty all inclusive way to keep in
touch with everyone you've gathered in your life. I believe
in sending personal outs whenever possible. It does not take

(03:03):
much time. Even if it did. People are a good
use of time. If you are going to bother to
send a card, you can take the extra two minutes
to write something about life and your memories together. Christmas
is obviously a popular option, but you could become the
kind of person who sends Fourth of July cards whatever
works for you. You You can write a quick text or

(03:26):
email when something you see or do makes you think
of a friend from a former phase of life. When
you do an online workout video that your jim buddy
told you about, text to let her know you liked it.
When you host a Valentine's Day party for your son's class,
text the parent you collaborated with on last year's Valentine's
party with funny memories that you shared. Another simple and

(03:50):
authentic way to reach out to contextual friends is by
offering recommendations that you think they'd appreciate. If every Monday
morning you and the person at the desk near yours
used to tell each other about the restaurants you tried
over the weekend, you can still let him know when
you discover a new restaurant, even if you are no
longer colleagues. Texting or email is easy, but you can

(04:12):
also do something crazy like picking up the phone. When
you are intentional about maintaining relationships with people whose daily
lives used to intersect with yours, you may end up
forming close friendships with them that transcend the context you
used to share. But even if a deeper friendship doesn't develop,

(04:33):
it's still good to have ties to former times in
your life. And who knows when you might be able
to help each other with random things. Life is long.
Your grown child moves to Boston, and hey, train guy
now lives in Boston and knows about an apartment that
just came on the market. Lucky that you kept in

(04:56):
touch in the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening,
and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,
I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
your tips your questions or anything else. Just connect with

(05:18):
me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod.
That's B the number four, then Breakfast p o D.
You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast
podcast at i heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast
is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much,
I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is

(05:46):
a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from
my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.