Let your no be no

Don't burn bridges with extra explanations

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is to let your no be no. Resist
the urge to make a bigger statement about life in

(00:24):
general or your own philosophy of it. This will avoid
needlessly burning bridges or creating reactions that you probably didn't
intend to create. So several years ago, I reached out
to interview someone, and this person was reasonably well known,

(00:45):
so I wasn't exactly expecting her to say yes, but
I was a bit surprised by the tone of the no.
What I presume was a form letter from her staff
told me that she received numerous such invitations and so
she simply could not accept and do all the wonderful
things she was doing. I guess it was supposed to

(01:06):
be nice, but I found the note a little bit
off putting, like they were trying to convince me that
she was a better person because she was saying no.
I think a simple no would have been fine, especially
if this note was truly going out to dozens of
people daily. I doubt I was the only one who
had this reaction to this person and her staff's attempt

(01:28):
to make a bigger point about priorities and schedules and
the like. Most of us don't have staffers fending people away,
but I have seen a surprising number of out of
office messages lately that makes me cringe for similar reasons.
If you think about it, and out of office message

(01:49):
is also a no of sorts. You are explaining why
you won't be responding immediately, and that is fine. But
it is sufficient to say that you won't respond because
you'll be away from the office until a certain date.
If you think it matters, you can say why, mostly

(02:09):
because people will pivot differently if you are away on
a four month parental leave versus a four day vacation.
You can also tell the person who emailed you how
they can reach someone else if you are in the
sort of business where people cover for each other. But
many messages decide to make a point about email and

(02:30):
work more broadly, like I am taking a well deserved
vacation with my family, I encourage you to take some
time away from email as well, or we all need
to disconnect from time to time. As much as I
agree with that statement, if you just sent an email
with a question about last year's quarterly report. It is

(02:52):
kind of annoying. You didn't want moralizing or a sermon.
You didn't ask for someone opinion on work life balance.
You just asked for some information, and you need to
know that you won't be getting it through this channel quickly.
In general, when you say no to things, that is

(03:13):
best to just say no long explanations or sharing your
opinion about broader topics, risks causing offense where it probably
wasn't intended. You can say no for all sorts of reasons,
and you often don't really need to state the reason.
A simple script you can use is thank you for asking.

(03:37):
I'm sorry I won't be able to take this on,
but I wish you the best of luck with the project. Definitely,
don't try to make people think that you're no is
somehow helping them, as in if I said yes to
request like yours, I wouldn't be able to do X, Y,
and Z wonderful thing. Just let your no be no,

(03:58):
and everyone can move on with their lives. In the meantime.
This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making
the moose of our times. Hey everybody, I'd love to

(04:18):
hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook
and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. That's b the number four,
then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me
an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media

(04:39):
dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all
the letters. Thanks so much, should I look forward to
staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I
heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit
the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you

(05:00):
listen to your favorite shows. Yeah m