Make connection automatic

Get together with friends at the same time every week

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is to make your social connections automatic. When
you always get together with certain people at a certain time,

(00:24):
no one has to think about it, and that means
you will get together more often than not. I'm taking
today's tip from Shasta Nelson, who is the author of
a new book called The Business of Friendship. This book
is about making friends at work, which is definitely important,
but Shasta thinks a lot about all kinds of friendships,
and when I interviewed her recently, she mentioned that she

(00:46):
got together with a few girlfriends every week, virtually at
the exact same time. They simply chose a time and
stuck with it. Now, not everyone could make it every week,
I assume, but because no one had to plan these
get togethers each time, they happen frequently and that was
a lot of fun. I love this idea. We would

(01:08):
all like to spend more time with friends, and these
days many people are feeling a bit lonely. But when
we're busy with work and family, it can be hard
to reach out to a handful of people and see
if they'd like to dial into a zoom call. We're
talking a dozen back and forth emails, if not more,
what a lot of bother. But when you always get
together Sunday at seven pm for an hour, people start

(01:31):
to build their lives around that intention. They know that
it's fine to go out for an early dinner on Sunday,
but best to head back in time for that zoom call.
They manage their energy to not feel totally wiped out
by Sunday at seven pm. And because the call happens
without a lot of effort, people can start looking forward
to it, putting their energy into the call rather than

(01:53):
the planning. That's especially important if you're trying to get
a group of people together. So if that sounds like
something you would like to do, think about which people
you'd like to have a small group get together with frequently.
Reach out and see if you can come up with
a time that will work more often than not. Sunday
evening is, in fact, often good people are back from

(02:15):
their weekend adventures by then, But there can be other
times that work. Maybe Friday early morning, maybe Monday night
after the kids go to bed. What a way to
start the week. Figure out a time and then set
it up to be recurring. If you're not sure how
it will go, well just commit to the first four
sessions or so. My guess is that it will be

(02:36):
enough fun that you'll want to keep going. But if not,
no harm done in life. Making things automatic means we
spend more time on them. This is a problem when
it comes to work meetings. Offices will meet every Tuesday
morning at ten am for eternity, because well that's when
they always have their staff meeting. It doesn't matter if

(02:58):
there's nothing to discuss, then meeting doesn't have to overcome
any hurdles to happen, and so it keeps happening again
and again by default. This is kind of a waste
of time at work. But you know what, we spend
a lot of time at work. We spend far less
time with friends. So why not put the same default

(03:19):
principle to work and your social life. Now, Shasta's recurring
get together was virtual, and I think this is smart too.
The upside of a virtual recurring get together is that
there are far fewer things that can go wrong to
prevent people from coming. No babysitter, no problem, snow not
an issue case of the sniffles. Nobody's worried about sharing

(03:40):
germs over zoom. You can also involve people from farther away,
which is great if you're living far from your college roommates,
or the people who are in your wedding, or whoever
you'd like to spend time with. Obviously, getting people together
in person is awesome and I do heartily recommend that
when it's safe to do so. But as the past
few months have shown, virtual get togethers are okay too.

(04:02):
Not perfect, of course, but maybe is good. And if
they're more likely to happen, well, that haircut is probably okay.
Make connection automatic and it happens. There's lots to celebrate
about that. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening,

(04:24):
and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,
I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod

(04:44):
that's b E the number four, then breakfast p o D.
You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast
Podcast at iHeart media dot com That Before Breakfast is
spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much. I
look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a

(05:07):
production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from i
heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.