No one wins a misery contest

Don't suffer unless it’s worth it

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is that nobody wins a misery contest. If
you are going to suffer in life, make sure it's

(00:24):
for a good reason. If it's not for a good reason,
see if you can find a way to make it better.
My guess is that you have more resources available than
you think. My children have not had a great relationship
with sleep over the years. My fifth child's crib is
currently in the master bedroom closet because well, with five kids,

(00:47):
they don't all get their own rooms. The crib is
on a bit of carpet in the corner, but there's
no furniture because well it's a closet. And so when
the baby would be up in the middle of the
night over the past year, I'd go feed him or
hold him and sit on the floor. Now, being a
forty something mother, I am not as sprightly as I

(01:08):
was as a twenty something mother, and sitting on the
floor in the dark, in the cold, in the middle
of the night has been unpleasant, and I was feeling
pretty bad for myself. It was only after months of
this that I had a thought I could get a chair, Yes,

(01:29):
a chair. I could put a chair in the closet
so I could sit on the chair to feed the
baby or hold him. Now, I am a fairly frugal person,
so I didn't actually go out and buy a rocking chair,
but I did move an extra chair we had up
to the closet. I still don't like waking up in
the middle of the night, but at least it's less
physically painful. We can all ponder what was going on

(01:52):
in my head that I didn't think about an obvious
way to ease my misery. I blame sleep deprivation. If
you think about it, you may have blind spots too,
So it goes. Sometimes we have to think about things
for a while. But the more pernicious problem, as I
have learned over years of studying how people spend their time,

(02:14):
is not the misery itself. It is that sometimes we
become attached to our narratives of misery. They become part
of our identity. You know how this goes. I'm so
hard working that, of course I don't have time for hobbies,
or I don't have hobbies, because that's what happens when
you have kids and I'm such a dedicated parent. Or

(02:37):
I can't start a business, I have a mortgage, I'm
a serious person. Or I shouldn't expect to like my job,
that's why they call it work. Or I have to
spend all my time cooking and cleaning, so of course
I don't have any time for fun. That's just what's
expected of me. Sometimes people's conversations turn into a competition
over whose life is more miserable, whose spouse did something

(03:01):
more thoughtless, whose kids are more ungrateful, whose boss is
more domineering. But here's the thing, no one wins in
the misery Olympics. The real prize is in not taking part.
If something is making you miserable, instead of wallowing in

(03:22):
the misery or clinging to the misery as part of
your identity, figure out what you can do to make
it less terrible. Often small steps can make a difference.
If you hate your boss, you don't have to quit
your job. Maybe you could volunteer for a project that
has you working in a different department and with a
different supervisor two days per week. If your spouse is

(03:43):
not pulling his or her share of the load on something,
we'll ask for help with something specific. The person might refuse,
in which case you can then act on that realization.
But there is a pretty good chance that the person
you married isn't actively trying to make your life miserable.
It is hard to see things outside our immediate daily routines,

(04:05):
So don't suffer. Ask for what you want now. There
are sometimes reasons we voluntarily take on suffering. I know
that many people listening to this podcast have lived through
the misery of early pregnancy. Many times, it's worth it
for the wonderful new people we bring into this world.

(04:28):
We can all be grateful for people who do dangerous
but necessary jobs, or who put themselves in harm's way
for others. I am thankful that emergency responders will go
out in the cold in the middle of the night
in order to help people. But if I'm up in
the cold in the middle of the night, well, there's
no benefit in me sitting on the ground versus be

(04:49):
having a chair. There is no point in suffering when
there's no good reason for that suffering. In the meantime,
this is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's to making
the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to

(05:12):
hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook
and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. That's b the number four,
then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me
an email at Before Breakfast podcast. At i heeart media

(05:32):
dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all
the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying
in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio.
For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i
heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

(05:53):
your favorite shows.