Open with "Tell me your perspective"

Cast a wide net when seeking solutions

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is about a smart tactic for negotiating. Start
by inviting the other person to tell you their perspective.
Odds are good that by listening you'll be able to

(00:26):
see a solution that satisfies everyone. Today's tip comes from
Allison Carter's book Ask for More. Carter, a Columbia Law
School professor, is known for her mediation expertise, and this
book suggests ten questions that can make negotiations more fruitful.
Many people start negotiations by stating what they want out

(00:47):
of the deal. It makes sense, but when the other
person feels attacked or feels that the other party has
a faulty impression of what happened, it's hard to make progress.
Carter suggests starting by listening and the opened end question
tell me your perspective has a lot going for it.
As Carter writes this, one question invites the other person

(01:08):
to share with you one their view of the goal
or problem that's brought you together. Two any important details
relating to the problem or goal. Three their feelings and concerns,
and for anything else they feel like adding, she writes
that it's the negotiation equivalent of casting a giant net
into the water to see how much you can catch.

(01:29):
You aren't just sticking a line in for one fish.
We can envision ways that this would play out. A
lot of people are working from home now because of
the coronavirus, but in the past, the ability to work
from home two days per week was often a huge
negotiation and any given job. Rather than ask a manager
and get a blanket, Nope, it will never work, tell

(01:51):
me your perspective opens up the discussion. Maybe the manager
got totally burned by someone who could not work in
a self directed way in the past. Past she missed
a major deadline because of the person's intransigence and was
paying the career consequences for a long time. Ouch Asking
this question helps you see that the manager isn't trying

(02:12):
to ruin your life. You need to really stress accountability.
This could mean a trial period of six weeks, daily
check ins, or letting her issue a policy that only
highly rated people could expect to try this experiment. In retrospect,
we can see that all those issues are less consequential
than people thought. It turns out whole organizations can go

(02:32):
virtual overnight, but it usually doesn't work to dismiss people's
concerns in a negotiation. Addressing them means everyone can win.
This can be good for marital negotiations too. Maybe one
partner keeps agreeing to calls that are outside of childcare hours.
Tell me your perspective can open up all kinds of insights.

(02:54):
Maybe the offending party had no idea the other person
cared because this was never explicitly stated. Maybe the offending
party assumes that the other party is just so much
better at time management, or might quit his or her
job soon, so best not to rock the boat at
the other job or who knows you don't until you ask.
So when you're looking at a difficult conversation today, open

(03:16):
with tell me your perspective. This doesn't guarantee that you'll
see eye to eye, but you'll find out information that
will be helpful, and you won't start off from an
adversarial place. This makes all that follows much easier. In
the meantime, this is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's

(03:37):
to making the most of our time. Hey everybody, I'd
love to hear from you You can send me your tips,
your questions, or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,
and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. That's b E the

(03:58):
number four than break fast p o D. You can
also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast. At
i heeart media dot com that before Breakfast is spelled
out with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look
forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production

(04:19):
of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio,
visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows.