Second Cup: Embrace quality and quantity time

A listener asks how to stay motivated while building relationships

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is about how to think of progress when
we're talking about relationships rather than basic tasks. Progress is motivational. Sadly,

(00:24):
the converse of that is also true. When progress is
less obvious, it can be hard to feel motivated. Fortunately,
there are some ways to recreate a sense of progress
no matter what kind of work we're talking about. Today's
tip comes out of a question I got from a
Before Breakfast listener who had recently left her job partly

(00:45):
to spend more time caring for her daughter, who is
on the autism spectrum. The listener noted that her daughter
was needing to interact with people more and this was
definitely challenging. She wrote, she needs more support to cope
with how exhausting elementary school is. The listener was also
studying to pursue a new career as a chaplain. All

(01:05):
of these are worthy endeavors, but as she noted, I'm
so used to measuring and valuing my time by tasks finished.
Parenting and researching are both activities that are not task oriented.
I find myself struggling to measure my progress and feeling
unaccomplished after lots of time well spent. Do you have
any tips for how to measure time and progress in

(01:27):
these non task oriented settings. It's a good question. The
nature of parenting, or for that matter, being a chaplain,
is to spend a lot of time with people simply
being available to them. The quantity of time is a
key part of the job, and while we can tract
time and I recommend tracking time, the outcome of being

(01:47):
available is not always clear. One of the things that
people who decide to be full time parents most struggle
with is this transition from turning in a report at
the end of the day to getting to the end
of the day and wondering what actually got done. This
can make it hard to stay motivated, but I think
we can create concrete tasks within these swaths of time

(02:09):
that allow us to feel a sense of progress and motivation. Yep,
it's quality time within the quantity time. I've been thinking
about this a lot lately, as all five of my
children have been home with me for the past two months.
I know that theoretically this extra time together can allow
us to deepen our relationships but so much of the

(02:31):
time is just managing chaos, keeping the five year old
from breaking things in between feeding the baby and keeping
the other children from hurting each other. So to keep
my sanity, I've come up with distinct projects each of
us can do together. I'm sure that simply spending time
together is more important in the long run, but keeping

(02:52):
mom motivated is important too, So we've ordered a bunch
of legos. I recently finished a whole rocket launch set
with the ten year old, plus a farm set with
a five year old. My twelve year old has become
my writing accountability partner. He's writing a novel and we
check in with each other on how many words we've
done in our creative projects. My eight year old daughter

(03:13):
and I are undertaking a grown up dollhouse project, not
for playing, in for building and enjoying the miniature scenes.
Even the baby can have some projects. We've been reading
through all the old issues of Baby Bug magazine that
I've kept from previous children. I know that it doesn't
particularly matter that I'm reading a child focused magazine versus

(03:33):
the dictionary with a baby, but it makes mom feel
better that, yes, I read through two issues today and
I will do two issues tomorrow and so forth. If you,
likewise are looking for ways to stay motivated in relationship work,
you might try setting some particular tasks that you can
do and then celebrate completion. A chaplain, for instance, might

(03:55):
set goals for numbers and types of visits and follow ups,
and particular passages to read or spiritual exercises to do
when it feels appropriate. Sure, the main point is being
there and listening and offering comfort, but we can create
tasks for ourselves within that. Our listener who wants to
support her daughter with social interaction might set goals for

(04:17):
how to handle welcoming her home from school or sending
her off to school, or planning activities on the weekends
that might gently introduce certain social interactions. She can note
her progress and celebrate what she's done. Quantity and quality
time are often presented as being in opposition, but really
relationships are made up of both. A lot of the

(04:40):
real work is done in the quantity, but the quality
part keeps us motivated, and that's a good in its
own right. In the meantime, this is Laura, thanks for listening,
and here's to making the most of our time. M hm. Hey, everybody.

(05:02):
I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod
that's b E the number four, then Breakfast p o D.
You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast.
At i heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast is

(05:24):
spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much, S,
I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is
a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from
my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.