Second Cup: Look for the garbage cans

How to tell what is real and what isn't

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
tip is to look for the garbage cans. Often the
images we see of other people's lives have had parts

(00:27):
strategically left out. When you pay attention, you can see
that which can keep you from comparing your real life
to an unattainable fantasy. If you read my blog Laura
Vanderkam dot com, you saw that my family recently put

(00:48):
our house on the market. Real estate photos are quite
the genre. I am fascinated by the fact that photographers
invariably remove the trash cans before snapping pictures. If you
haven't noticed this before, pull up your favorite real estate
site and you will see what I mean. You will

(01:10):
see home offices and bathrooms and kitchens and laundry rooms
with no garbage cans anywhere. Apparently, in our dream home fantasies,
we never need to throw away banana peels or dental
floss or used dryer sheets. When photos were taken of
our house before we listed it, we even took the

(01:33):
shampoo out of the shower and the dish soap away
from the kitchen. Sink. I'm not quite sure how a
house and its inhabitants are supposed to stay clean without
dish soap, shampoo, or trash cans, but that is the fantasy.
Real estate sites aren't the only places where the staged

(01:55):
image can be different from the reality. Social media of
photos and posts, holiday letters, class notes in your alumni newsletter.
All of these are contexts where people routinely construct an
image of their lives where the real and metaphorical garbage
cans have been put somewhere else. And of course there's

(02:19):
nothing wrong with this. Who wouldn't crop the amount of
dirty laundry out of that photo of your dog before
posting it on Instagram? You really don't need to report
in the class notes that you and your spouse are
arguing daily about how to parent your team. The problem
comes when we compare someone else's edited image with our

(02:43):
own messy reality. Of course, we feel like our lives
just can't compare with the fantasy of someone else's life
in all its waste basketless glory. But instead of getting discouraged,
remind yourself to look for the garbage cans if you

(03:04):
are looking at a picture of someone's home office, and
there doesn't appear to be anywhere that you could throw
away a piece of paper, then you can recognize that
this is probably not the normal state of affairs. Everyone
needs to throw things away, even people who live in

(03:25):
houses that look like they belong on Pinterest. Indeed, in
the throws of dinner or a big project, their kitchen
or home office probably looks a lot like yours. If
you don't see the garbage can, you can rest assured

(03:46):
that it is just hidden out of your view. You
aren't being shown the full picture. Everybody has a little
disorder in their lives, even if we crop it out
when we can in so don't compare your life to
that fiction. He will just wind up unhappy or maybe

(04:08):
hiding your own trash can. And then where are you
going to throw away your dirty tissues? In the meantime,
this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making
the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to

(04:32):
hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook
and Instagram at before Breakfast pod that's B the number
four then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot
me an email at before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot

(04:53):
com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the
letters thanks so much, should I look forward to staying
in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio. For
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