March 31, 2024 • 6 mins
Time spent with friends feels magical. Here’s how to build more of it into your life.
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is about how to make more time for friends.
Most of us see our colleagues when we go to work,
we see our families when we go home, but getting
together with friends can be challenging. We're so busy with
everything else that they tend to fall to the bottom
(00:22):
of the list. And that's too bad, because friends are
a good use of time. Indeed, good friends can make
us feel like we have more time. A few years ago,
for my book Off the Clock, I asked nine hundred
busy people to track their time for a day. Then
I asked them questions about how they felt about their time.
I found that the people who felt time was most
(00:44):
abundant spent a far higher proportion of their time interacting
with friends than people who felt time was scarce. And no,
it's not because the people who saw friends had less
going on. People who felt starved for time had just
as much leisure time as everyone else. They simply spent
more of it watching TV or on social media. The
(01:05):
correlation was so strong that I formed this theory. Being
social makes time. Social media kills time, So let's spend
more time with friends and less time on social media. Right.
I'm sure we could agree that this would be great,
But of course there are reasons we drift toward the screens.
When you're building a career and raising a family, a
(01:26):
lot of your leisure time appears late at night, when
it's hard to seize, or it requires planning a head
or hiring a sitter, or trading off childcare duties with
your spouse. Your friends are just as busy, they face
the same challenges, but Twitter is ready anytime you are.
That said, I do think that even busy people can
(01:46):
make time for friends. One option is that you can
build what I call relationship planning into your life. In
an earlier episode of Before Breakfast, we talked about planning
your upcoming weeks on Friday Afternoons. I suggested listing priorities
in three categories, career, relationships, self. The reason to make
(02:07):
a three category list is that it reminds you to
put something in all three categories. It's hard to make
a three category list and then leave one of the
categories blank. This is a good way to nudge yourself
to have a more balanced life. Anyway, the relationship category
might naturally focus on your spouse or your kids. But
I'd challenge you to make a friend activity a priority
(02:28):
at least every other week. Think about whose company you
enjoy and which friendships you really value. Then use this
planning time on Friday to reach out and get something
on the calendar. It doesn't have to be elaborate. A
phone or video chat can work with someone who doesn't
live nearby, or you can plan to meet for coffee
or lunch. That's how you build relationship planning into your life.
(02:50):
But over years of studying people's time, I've realized that
the people who spend the most time with their friends
tend to structure their lives so they don't need to
plan really lifelationship time. It happens automatically. Here's what I mean.
Some things happen once. Other things fall into the category
of recurring events. You don't have to plan them. They
(03:14):
just happen over and over. This is neither good nor
bad on its own. It can be a bad thing.
With recurring meetings at work, people keep tramping to that
Tuesday morning staff meeting week after week just to report that, yep,
they're still doing their jobs. This meeting has long ceased
to earn its place on the calendar, but you keep
going because it's there. But the recurring event phenomenon can
(03:37):
be a good thing. When we're talking about getting together
with friends, it's often the planning that's the huge hurdle.
I remember one get together I was trying to plan
a few years ago. I sent out a doodle poll.
We had to move forward two months before we could
find a time that most people were available, and I
kept going back and forth with the venue as we
looked at different dates. It was a lot of work
for one night, and while it was really fun, it's
(04:00):
not something that inspired me to try again soon. Recurring events, though,
don't have this problem. If you know that your gang
gets together for drinks every Monday night at the same bar,
you don't have to plan each Monday. You can go
or you can not go. But people tend to become regulars.
You start to build your life around these anchors and
your calendar. You promise to pick up the kids on
(04:22):
Tuesday if your spouse will take Monday. When your colleagues
ask to schedule a meeting, you don't suggest Monday at
four thirty prem So, if you have a group of
friends you'd like to see regularly. Think about what kind
of recurring get together would work. Maybe it's a Friday
morning breakfast or an early Saturday morning run. Maybe it's
a first Thursday of the month book club, or you
(04:43):
could volunteer at a food bank. Together every other Sunday.
Think about the logistics required to make this happen. Take
some time today to work on your calendar, talk with
your spouse, maybe get help from an extended family member
or a babysitter. Whatever it is, if you make a
habit of it, it's more likely to happen. If you've
(05:04):
made a habit of getting together with friends, I'd love
to hear about it. You can email me at Before
Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com. In the meantime, this
is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making the
most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear
(05:26):
from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,
and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod that's b E the
number four than Breakfast pod. You can also shoot me
an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com.
(05:47):
That Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.
Thanks so much. Should I look forward to staying in
touch
Good morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is about how to make more time for friends.
Most of us see our colleagues when we go to work,
we see our families when we go home, but getting
together with friends can be challenging. We're so busy with
everything else that they tend to fall to the bottom
(00:22):
of the list. And that's too bad, because friends are
a good use of time. Indeed, good friends can make
us feel like we have more time. A few years ago,
for my book Off the Clock, I asked nine hundred
busy people to track their time for a day. Then
I asked them questions about how they felt about their time.
I found that the people who felt time was most
(00:44):
abundant spent a far higher proportion of their time interacting
with friends than people who felt time was scarce. And no,
it's not because the people who saw friends had less
going on. People who felt starved for time had just
as much leisure time as everyone else. They simply spent
more of it watching TV or on social media. The
(01:05):
correlation was so strong that I formed this theory. Being
social makes time. Social media kills time, So let's spend
more time with friends and less time on social media. Right.
I'm sure we could agree that this would be great,
But of course there are reasons we drift toward the screens.
When you're building a career and raising a family, a
(01:26):
lot of your leisure time appears late at night, when
it's hard to seize, or it requires planning a head
or hiring a sitter, or trading off childcare duties with
your spouse. Your friends are just as busy, they face
the same challenges, but Twitter is ready anytime you are.
That said, I do think that even busy people can
(01:46):
make time for friends. One option is that you can
build what I call relationship planning into your life. In
an earlier episode of Before Breakfast, we talked about planning
your upcoming weeks on Friday Afternoons. I suggested listing priorities
in three categories, career, relationships, self. The reason to make
(02:07):
a three category list is that it reminds you to
put something in all three categories. It's hard to make
a three category list and then leave one of the
categories blank. This is a good way to nudge yourself
to have a more balanced life. Anyway, the relationship category
might naturally focus on your spouse or your kids. But
I'd challenge you to make a friend activity a priority
(02:28):
at least every other week. Think about whose company you
enjoy and which friendships you really value. Then use this
planning time on Friday to reach out and get something
on the calendar. It doesn't have to be elaborate. A
phone or video chat can work with someone who doesn't
live nearby, or you can plan to meet for coffee
or lunch. That's how you build relationship planning into your life.
(02:50):
But over years of studying people's time, I've realized that
the people who spend the most time with their friends
tend to structure their lives so they don't need to
plan really lifelationship time. It happens automatically. Here's what I mean.
Some things happen once. Other things fall into the category
of recurring events. You don't have to plan them. They
(03:14):
just happen over and over. This is neither good nor
bad on its own. It can be a bad thing.
With recurring meetings at work, people keep tramping to that
Tuesday morning staff meeting week after week just to report that, yep,
they're still doing their jobs. This meeting has long ceased
to earn its place on the calendar, but you keep
going because it's there. But the recurring event phenomenon can
(03:37):
be a good thing. When we're talking about getting together
with friends, it's often the planning that's the huge hurdle.
I remember one get together I was trying to plan
a few years ago. I sent out a doodle poll.
We had to move forward two months before we could
find a time that most people were available, and I
kept going back and forth with the venue as we
looked at different dates. It was a lot of work
for one night, and while it was really fun, it's
(04:00):
not something that inspired me to try again soon. Recurring events, though,
don't have this problem. If you know that your gang
gets together for drinks every Monday night at the same bar,
you don't have to plan each Monday. You can go
or you can not go. But people tend to become regulars.
You start to build your life around these anchors and
your calendar. You promise to pick up the kids on
(04:22):
Tuesday if your spouse will take Monday. When your colleagues
ask to schedule a meeting, you don't suggest Monday at
four thirty prem So, if you have a group of
friends you'd like to see regularly. Think about what kind
of recurring get together would work. Maybe it's a Friday
morning breakfast or an early Saturday morning run. Maybe it's
a first Thursday of the month book club, or you
(04:43):
could volunteer at a food bank. Together every other Sunday.
Think about the logistics required to make this happen. Take
some time today to work on your calendar, talk with
your spouse, maybe get help from an extended family member
or a babysitter. Whatever it is, if you make a
habit of it, it's more likely to happen. If you've
(05:04):
made a habit of getting together with friends, I'd love
to hear about it. You can email me at Before
Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com. In the meantime, this
is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making the
most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear
(05:26):
from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,
and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod that's b E the
number four than Breakfast pod. You can also shoot me
an email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com.
(05:47):
That Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.
Thanks so much. Should I look forward to staying in
touch
Host
Laura Vanderkam
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