Second Cup: Think could, not should

Thinking through options is more productive than feeling guilty

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is to think could, not should. Focusing on
what you could choose to do helps you see possibilities
and that might help you make real progress toward your goals.

(00:34):
A person who reviewed one of my books recently noted
that I rarely use the word should. Instead. This person
wrote that I generally aim to show people what they
could do and how they might benefit. I hadn't thought
about it that way before, but it is true in
the strategies I share, and as I think about my

(00:55):
own decisions, I definitely lean toward considering what we could
do instead of feeling constrained by shoulds. Whatever those are, anyway,
could opens up possibilities, While should invites obligation and guilt.

(01:16):
Possibilities are a lot more attractive and often more helpful too.
In practice, what this means is that when you are
facing a problem, you want to generate lots of potential solutions.
Maybe there are ideas that are more common or that
someone has told you are right, but there may be

(01:37):
other options too. If you generate lots of possibilities, you
might decide that some are appealing, which means you are
more likely to follow through on them. So, for instance,
let's say you are having trouble sleeping. Lots of advice
out there suggests not having screens in your bed, and

(02:01):
maybe that does help a lot of people. But if
you aren't going to move your TV out of your bedroom,
then it is not helpful to beerate yourself over that fact. Instead,
try thinking about all the things you could do to
sleep better. You could try limiting caffeine and alcohol in

(02:22):
the afternoon and evening. You could try avoiding screens for
a half hour before bedtime. You could try meditation, a
sleep story or another app to help you go to sleep.
Maybe you could try melatonin, or you might change the
temperature or some other such intervention. When you look at

(02:43):
the list of coods, you might find one you will
actually stick with. Or maybe you want to contribute more
to your retirement account. You keep telling yourself that you
should go out to dinner less, but when it is
six o'clock and you're hungry and other folks suggest restaurants, well,

(03:05):
so it goes What if instead you generated other possibilities.
You could start a side gig and put half your
earnings from that into your retirement account. Maybe you'd love
to eat out, but you don't watch that much TV.
If so, you could cancel some streaming services and put

(03:26):
the money you save into the account. When you get
a raised in January, you could direct all the increase
to the retirement account. You get the idea, What are
all the options and which ones sound appealing? No need
to chastise yourself about what you should do but aren't doing,

(03:48):
and I am putting the word should in quote marks there. Instead,
focus on what you could do and what makes the
most sense in your life. The truth is, as an adult,
there are very few things that you absolutely have to do.
There may be consequences to doing or not doing various things,

(04:11):
but sometimes should is a story we are telling ourselves.
There are often multiple ways to accomplish the same goal.
If you are most likely not going to pursue one
of those approaches with any particular zeal, then there is
no point feeling hemmed in by it and feeling guilty

(04:31):
that you are not doing it. Instead, look at all
you could do that way you put yourself in the
driver's seat. I hope you feel the same way about
Before Breakfast. I have produced almost one thousand unique episodes
at this point, all of them with some bit of

(04:52):
advice on how to take your day from great to awesome. Ideally,
you view this show as a so of ideas and possibilities,
not assignments. You do not have to try every tip
you hear. Some might not be wise for your life,

(05:12):
and some might just sound silly or unappealing for your
particular situation, and that is fine. These ideas are options,
just ideas you could try out if you wanted to.
If a tip appeals to you, that is wonderful. If not,

(05:36):
you can let it pass on by. In the meantime,
this is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's to making
the most of our time.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
Hey everybody, I'd love to hear from you. You can
send me your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just
connect with me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before
Breakfast Pod that's b E the number four then Breakfast Pod.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
You can also shoot me.

Speaker 1 (06:12):
An email at Before Breakfast Podcasts at iHeartMedia dot com.
That Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
Thanks so much. Should I look forward to staying in touch.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts
from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows.