When weekend wishes diverge

It's OK for everyone to do their own thing

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is about what to do if weekend wishes
diverge in your household. If people have drastically different pictures

(00:24):
of what a good weekend looks like, you can each
achieve satisfaction if you are thoughtful about what you do.
When this episode is first airing in January, I am
leading a time tracking challenge where hundreds of people are
logging their time for a week. We're all trying to

(00:46):
figure out where the time really goes so we can
make wise decisions. If that sounds good to you, then
feel free to join in. You just write down what
you're doing as often as you remember and keep going
for a week. Then you can celebrate, reflect or change.

(01:08):
One thing I look for on my own time logs
is whether I have had at least one bigger adventure
maybe taking three to four hours, and one littler adventure
each week. A little adventure might just take an hour,
but is something out of the ordinary. Time can easily
become routine, especially as we get older. But when we

(01:31):
think about doing cool stuff, we make memories and we
can expand the experience of time. I recommend everyone try
to have at least one little adventure and one big
adventure each week. When I explain this to folks who
are interested in time tracking and productivity, which is probably
mostly the listeners of this podcast, many agree with me.

(01:56):
They see the upside of planned adventures, but they mentioned
that their partners sometimes resist. Often these dear loved ones
say they want to do nothing during any discretionary time
on the weekends, so the adventure seeker might wind up
not doing what they want to do because they value

(02:17):
family time and assume that couples are supposed to spend
weekend time together. It is nice to see each other
and spend time together on weekends, but if you track
your time, you will soon start to see that there
is a lot of time on weekends. Have dinner together
on Saturday night, and watch TV for two hours together

(02:40):
on Sunday afternoon, and you have still got a ton
of other time to account for. That is true even
if you have children or various other obligations. There is
definitely space for nothing and space for adventures. If your
partner doesn't see this, though, then you need to acknowledge

(03:03):
a certain reality. The truth is that other adults can
do what they want. They don't have to go on
your adventures with you, but they also can't force you
to do nothing. So go ahead and plan your own adventures.

(03:23):
As long as you still do any chores that are
yours to do, and make arrangements for any children who
are too young to care for themselves, then you are fine.
Bring the kids with you or bring them to grandma's.
But if your partner isn't stuck caring for them while
you go entertain yourself, then you can, in fact do

(03:44):
your own thing. Go experience the world, make memories, come home,
and share them with your partner. When you do, often
a funny thing starts to happen. When you seem to
be enjoying yourself and enjoying the time with your children,
people start to become intrigued. It turns out that this

(04:07):
stated desire to do nothing wasn't actually a deeply held
philosophical position. It's just that the person is tired, and
that is understandable. We are all tired, but we draw
energy from doing fun and meaningful things. Over time, the

(04:28):
other person might ask to be included on a few
adventures Once that line is crossed, you can start planning
them together, making sure to have some downtime too, which
there will be, because did I mention there is always downtime.

(04:48):
It's just a question of how much one three hour
adventure each weekend still leaves a lot of open space,
or maybe your partner will never come around. But when
your weekend wishes diverge and you plan your own thing,
at least you won't be stuck spending weekends in a

(05:09):
way that you don't want to be spending them. In general,
I think it is wise to think through weekends ahead
of time and to think about what might be enjoyable.
People's ideas diverge, for sure, but we don't have to
not enjoy ourselves just because other people have a different
idea of what is enjoyable. A little independence is fine,

(05:32):
that is true even if you live closely entwined with
other people. A little compromise is great. A total abandonment
of one's own ideas just to keep the peace is not.
So make your own plans. If the other person doesn't
want to make plans, it will be okay as long

(05:53):
as you are not requiring anything of them, because that
way they are not requiring anything of you either. In
the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening and here's
to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd

(06:17):
love to hear from you. You can send me your tips,
your questions, or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter,
Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod that's B the
number four, then Breakfast p o D. You can also
shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i
heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out

(06:40):
with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward
to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of
I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,
visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite Chess