You don't get what you don't ask for

No one can read your mind

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is to ask for what you want because
you often won't get what you don't ask for. I mean,

(00:26):
you might, but the odds are lower than if you
say what is on your mind. Today's tip comes from
a discussion on the Patreon page for my other podcast,
Best of Both Worlds. My co host Sarah and I
ask people about the best career advice they've gotten. A

(00:46):
listener mentioned realizing that she likely wouldn't get what she
didn't ask for, so if she truly wanted something, she
needed to ask. I think this is great advice. So
often we assume that people know what we want, or
that they should know what we want. Whether it's your

(01:08):
boss knowing that you want to be staffed on a
particular project or your spouse knowing that you want flowers
for your anniversary, people often believe their hopes are apparent
to everyone around them. What's funny is that this fallacy
becomes immediately apparent when you reverse the situation. Do you

(01:30):
know exactly what your spouse wants? What your boss wants?
Has every gift you've given, or every idea you've offered
up been the equivalent of a home run. No how interesting,
we all live in our own little worlds, and consequently,

(01:51):
what is obvious to us isn't to everyone else, no
matter how much we believe it should be. People often
do not know what you want. They don't know even
if they really love you, or respect you or know
you very well. You can spend your time lamenting this

(02:13):
and ruminating that if perhaps they loved or respected you more,
they would know. But you know what else you could
do at that time? State what you want explicitly so
you have a better shot at getting it. So, if
there is something you want at work, tell your boss
about it. Ask for it. Whether that's a promotion, the

(02:37):
opportunity to be staffed on a particular project, a chance
to present at your team meeting, direct reports, an offset
schedule that involves coming in early and leaving early, or
anything else. No one can read your mind, So state
what you want and need. You may not get everything

(02:58):
you ask for, but you're a lot more likely to
get what you want if you do ask for it.
Then if you just wait around for the career fairy
to drop it into your lap. The wisdom of asking
for what you want is true at home. To let
your family members know what you want, whether that's for
them to say thank you before they say anything else

(03:19):
about dinner, or to give you a handwritten note on
your birthday, or to give you a handwritten note on
your birthday, or to put their plates in the dishwasher
after dinner. Should the dishwasher thing be obvious, probably, but
so it goes. Asking makes it happen. Seething silently might not.

(03:45):
My daughter recently turned ten, and in addition to asking
for certain things, she told me how she wanted her
presence to be wrapped. Namely, she knew we had a
certain mix of wrapping paper rolls in the upstairs closet,
and she wanted her presence wrapped in the paper with stars.
This was a very easy request to fulfill. I was

(04:09):
going to wrap her presence in something, and I would
much rather do what she wants then find out later
that she had a desire and was disappointed. She two,
I didn't want to be disappointed, since she told me
what she wanted, I didn't have to guess. What a

(04:30):
smart kid, because when you let people know what you want,
you are a lot more likely to get it. Is
there anything you are assuming others know that you want,
consider whether it would be wise to ask for it.
Most likely, the worst that could happen is that the

(04:50):
other person will say no, And the best that could
happen is that you will actually get what you want.
On the whole, those sound like pretty good odds. In
the meantime, This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's
to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd

(05:19):
love to hear from you. You can send me your tips,
your questions, or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook,
and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod that's B the number four,
then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me
an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media

(05:39):
dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all
the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying
in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I Heart Radio.
For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the i
heart Radio app. Apple podcasts are wherever you listen to

(06:00):
your favorite shows. Yeah mhm