You've got it in your pocket

Have ready-made responses for awkward questions

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is to use pocket phrases to respond to
questions and comments you find yourself encountering again and again.

(00:24):
Pocket phrases are proven reliable answers that keep you from
having to respond to every situation anew. The phrases are
in your back pocket when you need them. I imagine
we can all list the questions and comments we get
more often than we wish. If you are taller than
six three or so, people may seem incapable of ignoring

(00:47):
this fact. Ditto with bright red hair or anything physically
outside the norm. If you're above a certain age and unpartnered,
you may be asked why you're still single or why
you don't have kids. If you're between jobs, how's the
job search going? May replace how are you? As a greeting.

(01:08):
Some of these questions touch on sensitive subjects or are awkward,
and some are just boring. There's only so much to
say about your height. Yep, still tall, still have red hair.
I think a lot of questions like these arise from thoughtlessness.
People feel they have to say something and they sees

(01:30):
on the first topic that comes to their minds. Other
questions come from an authentic desire to connect, which is
a worthy motive, to be sure, even if the questions
themselves can be uncomfortable. And then there are the well intentioned,
appropriate questions that can still be hard to answer. Sometimes,
when we're going through a hard time, for example, we

(01:50):
do appreciate others caring but don't want to plumb the
emotional depths while waiting at the dentist. Having pocket phrases
boosts our confidence and adeptness in responding while preserving emotional bandwidth. Two. So,
if you are always asked about a topic that you
don't want to discuss at length, try out a few
phrases until you find one that does the job deflecting

(02:14):
without making the other person feel terrible if they didn't
intend to be hurtful. So, for example, if you've had
a recent injury or illness and people ask about your recovery,
say I'm thankful to be on the mend, no need
for more. If it's something that's more of a lifelong condition,
you are under no obligation to recount the details of
how it happened. If you want you can say accident

(02:37):
or just born. This way, the redirection is great too,
especially in the direction of your conversation partner. I'm doing
all right, thanks, How have you been doing lately? Or
I'm doing all right, thanks, what's your summer been like?
Warm but succinct responses let people get the message that
you appreciate their caring, but you will not be delving

(02:57):
deeper until you are doing so in your own terms.
You can also redirect nosy questions like what stage is
the cancer or is your child adopted by trying a
pocket phrase such as why do you ask? This invites
your conversation partner to share what they're actually interested in,
so that you can respond in a way that's relationship building,

(03:19):
even if you don't provide the facts they seem to
be seeking. Maybe the person who asks about your cancer
wants to know how they can help in the way
that's most appropriate given your specific experience. Or maybe the
person who asks whether your child is adopted was adopted
herself and feels a sense of connection with other adoptive families.
In any case, knowing the motivation can allow you to

(03:42):
engage in a real conversation rather than feeling pressured to
answer the question, and if the person says they just
asked because they were wondering or just curious, well you
can acknowledge what a fascinating world we live in. Families
certainly are interesting, aren't They then pivot to another topic,
what's your family looking forward to this summer? Pocket phrases

(04:04):
aren't just for deeply personal situations. They can be useful
for practical situations too, and a recent Before Breakfast episode,
I suggested a pocket phrase to use if someone asks
you to take on a new responsibility, If you'd like
to buy yourself some time to consider it, try saying
I'll think about that and get back to you. If

(04:26):
a cashier asks for your email or phone number for
the stores database, you can just say no thanks, I'm
pleased with the current communication. A follow up can just
be no thanks, not today. They'll understand the clerk has
to ask because of corporate policies. It isn't personal. The
next time you find yourself replaying a conversation when you

(04:49):
wish you'd responded to a question differently, see whether you
can develop a go to phrase to convey the information
in tone you wanted. Then, when you find yourself in
a similar situation again and you know you will. You
have your pocket phrase ready, you don't have to invest
as much mental bandwidth and navigating daily life in the meantime.

(05:12):
This is Laura. Thanks for listening and here's to making
the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to
hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,
or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook
and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod that's B the number four,

(05:38):
then breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me
an email at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media
dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all
the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying
in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I heart

(05:59):
rate Dio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit
the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
listen to your favorite shows. H