October 29, 2012 • 24 mins
Finally, in 2011 doctors confirmed that it's safe to have sex during pregnancy -- but that's not the end of the story. Why are some men especially attracted to pregnant women? How does pregnancy affect sex drive? Join Cristen and Caroline to learn more.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to stuff Mom Never Told You from how Stuff
Works dot com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I'm
Kristen and I'm Caroline and Caroline on the podcast, we
have talked a lot about sex. We've talked a lot
about pregnancy. So let's bring them both together for pregnancy sex. Okay,
(00:31):
And if there are guys out there, like my roommate,
they just went a lot of people have a bad
reaction to pregnancy sex. Well, it might because it doesn't
necessarily go together in our brain because we have sex
to get pregnant, but then after that we don't think
about having more sex. And also if you think about
(00:52):
it too, like uh um, once you are pretty full
term with a baby, it might not seem like there's
a lot of room to have sex. Yeah, or that
it's safe or comfortable. Yeah, Like what if like could
you poke a baby? If you're having sex? Lets to say, hey,
hey baby, you awake, So let's talk about pregnancy sex.
(01:15):
Can you have it? The answer spoiler alert, Yes you can. Yeah, Um,
it's safe. It's perfectly safe. That's for low risk pregnancies.
We should say it's perfectly safe. Unfortunately, a lot of
this confusion about like is it safe, when should you
do it? When should you not do it? Is because
there there really is kind of a lack of guidelines
(01:37):
and information out there for for pregnant people. Yeah, I
was very surprised to find that it was only in
February of two thousand eleven that there was a primer
on pregnancy sex published for the first time. This was
in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, because of that dearth
(01:57):
of information about it. And they found that by tracking
women who were pregnant and had different kinds of like
low risk pregnant season, some had higher risk pregnant season.
Tracking the different kinds of sexual activity that they had,
they concluded that a lot of our fears about having
sex while you're pregnant, we're really for no reason. Yeah,
(02:21):
and I did realize that I said pregnant people earlier
women are people. Um So, Crystal Chan, who's the co
author of the study that that Kristen mentioned, talks about
different stages of pregnancy and and what might feel good
and when you might not really feel sexy because your
sex drive and your libido do fluctuate during your your
(02:44):
three trimesters. Yeah, it pretty much looks like a bell
curve because during the first trimester, you are getting morning sickness,
you're fatigued, you're nauseated. I don't know about you, Caroline,
that does not sound like sexy time times to me.
But come the second trimester, wow, watch out, because not
(03:07):
only are you more lubricated, you also have increased blood
flow to the genitals and engorgement. Your body is ready
to have sex. And I have talked to friends who
have been pregnant before and they can attest to being very,
very randy during pregnancy. Well, so that's got to be unfortunate. Though,
(03:30):
If you're in your second trimester and you are feeling
kind of randy but your partner is too afraid to
have sex with you, well we can now dispel some fears. Perhaps, right.
That is pregnancy sex for all, unless it's your third trimester,
in which case there's some weight gain and back pain
going on. So you really might just feel uncomfortable and
you know, might not really be in the mood that much.
(03:52):
But according to the Mayo Clinic, as long as your
pregnancy is proceeding normally, you can have all the sex
you want because it will not cause a miscarriage. Yeah,
and for people who might be nervous that you could
harm the fetus by having intercourse. During pregnancy, the fetus
(04:14):
is very protected by amniotic fluid and the uterus and
on top of that a mucous plug that blocks the cervix.
It has been described as a pillow surrounded by another
pillow by Dr Daniel Stelaski over at web md, and
a lot of times once especially, it's it's usually the
men who are a little more concerned about their penis
(04:38):
poking the baby. And yeah, a lot of times once
they hear about all of the swaddling, the pillow, noness
of it all usually puts them a little bit more
at ease. Right. But so some of this misinformation or
lack of information has led to some interesting, interesting medical advice.
This is from a Time article on the topic u UM.
(05:00):
One Italian doctor said that she advises women to avoid
orgasm because the uterine contractions could lead to labor. And
she said, I tell patients they can have sex as
much as they want, as long as they don't enjoy it. Right,
But that's actually a huge myth, right, because the uterine
contractions that might be stimulated by an orgasm are different
(05:23):
from labor contractions, right, and so having an orgasm while
you're pregnant doesn't increase the risk of premature labor. So
we can just put that one to risk. But what
about positions. Surely you know there are some sexual positions
that might be better than better for baby than others. Yeah, uh,
(05:45):
most are okay, uh they this is from Mayo Clinic.
They suggest that you try lying next to your partner,
maybe spooning or on top ask men even suggested that
you maybe have your your partner sitting in a chair
and you sit in his lap. Try it that way
because actually there is one position that is that does
(06:05):
start to have some complications. Yeah, missionary looks like, if
you're pregnant and you want to have sex, you gotta
spice it up a little bit because having sex while
with a pregnant woman on her back might not be
so great because it increases the like the weight of
the growing uterus will put pressure on major blood vessels
(06:26):
and it could cause supine hypotensive syndrome that could lead
to a change in heart rate and blood pressure and dizziness. Yeah,
so make a make a chair handy for you guys. Um, Now,
oral sex, what about oral sex, that's safe, right, Well,
mostly unless your partner blows air into your vagina, in
(06:46):
which case, oh my god, I never knew this, but
a burst of air actually could block a blood vessel,
causing an air embolism, and that could be life threatening
not only for the fetus but also for the mother.
So oral sex, you know, that's okay, but no no blowing,
no blowing. Anal sex, though, this might be off the table,
(07:10):
just to be on the safe side, because a pregnancy
related hemorrhoids could make it uncomfortable and it could also
allow infection, causing bacteria to spread from the rectum to
the vagina. Uh, it's not a guarantee, and it's not
saying that you will necessarily hurt the baby, but just again,
to be on the safe side, you might want to
(07:32):
just steer clear of anal sex, right. And there's a
question about condoms, you know, do you need to use
a condom? Well, you should always use a condom if
your partner does have a sexually transmitted infection. But there
is that whole discussion about you know, for for two
committed partners in a relationship, who they are, you know,
they know that they don't have a sexually transmitted infection.
(07:53):
It's like, whoa, we could have sex and no birth control,
but to be safe, you want to wear a condom
during pregnancy because s t I S could increase the
risk of infections that can end up affecting your pregnancy
and the fetus's health. Yeah, and there is a myth
out there that once you get pregnant you can't contract
(08:14):
an s c I or an STD and that is
totally false, which is why this condom conversation comes up
to begin with. So it sounds like, you know, we
can go for it. Maybe no, maybe no anal sex
and perhaps no keep the missionary position limited, especially as
the pregnancy progresses. So yeah, we can do everything right
(08:41):
unless unless, unless, there are a couple of conditions. This
is also coming from the Mayo clinic. So it is
not safe pregnancy. Sex is not safe if you're at
risk for preterm labor, if you have unexplained vaginal bleeding
or you're lacking amniotic fluid, or if your servix begins
to open prematurely. Your placenta partly or completely covers your
(09:03):
cervical opening and is last one is known as placenta previa,
which puts the mother risk of hemorrhaging. Yeah. A lot
of times in those situations, a you will want to
consult your doctor. And a lot of times doctors will
say maybe no to intercourse. But that doesn't mean that
oral sex would be off the table if, for instance, uh,
(09:24):
intercourse is a no go. Not to make myself some
kind of pregnancy sex therapist for a minute. And if
you are having sex while you're pregnant and you notice
bleeding or a foul smelling discharge, it could be the
sign of an infection that could travel up the uterus.
So again, check in with your doctor if that's going on. Yeah,
definitely safe than sorry, I'm safe and sorry. But really
(09:48):
with the finding, the major takeaway from that study that
was published in the Canadian Medical Journal in two thousand
eleven is that, more than we have ever acknowledged in
the past, sex during pregnant see is generally fine. Yeah,
I mean, as long as you find a comfortable, safe
position with your partner, go for it. Yeah, and do
(10:10):
you have a low risk pregnancy. Of course, it's always
talked to your doctor. You should be checking in with
with the duck or the nurse practitioner. We do not
wear lab coats here. No, that's for sure. Now all right,
so we're talking about sex during pregnancy. What's what's this
thing about sex or pregnancy? I mean being an aphrodisiac. Yeah,
during the second trimester. You know, we mentioned that the
(10:31):
women's libido tends to skyrocket, But what about guys. For
some men and I've met for someone listening, pregnancy is
a turn on there, I said it. Yeah, there there
are certain things that really draw men to pregnant ladies.
(10:53):
According to sex educator Logan love Cough, this isn't an
article on CNN. She said, there's something about being pregnant
that gives you this sense of confidence, being in your
own skin. There is something about owning that and owning
your body, and people pick up on that. Yeah, then
they go, want to say, a voracious appetite for food
translates to an appetite for other things life in general,
(11:15):
and of course sex. They make pregnancy sounds of cosmopolitans.
All of a sudden, you're out there on ferris wheels
and swinging around, throwing your hat up in the air
like Mary Tyler Moore, momos have never looked so good. Um. So, yeah,
I mean You've also heard about the pregnancy glow, and
I don't know, I don't know pregnant women out there
(11:37):
were you glowing? Uh, this could be just more of
the projecting confidence thing, like, Hey, I'm growing a person
inside of me, you know, like I'm growing this little
fetus that's gonna you know, pop out and be my baby.
That's that's a pretty impressive thing for your body to do, right, Yeah,
I mean, my body's never done that keeps impressive to me.
(11:57):
Sharon cook Over at CNN talked to some fellows to
try to get to the bottom of this, and they started, Yeah,
the glow that you're talking about. Obviously breast engorgement. Your
boobs tend to get bigger, and supposedly men are quote
unquote wired to scan for signs of fertility, and so
(12:19):
a pregnant woman always brings out an odd mix of
physical attraction and desire to be protective. She writes, even
if it is not that person's fetus inside of a woman,
that there's still something that supposedly is is sparked, perhaps
to the point of being a fetish Yeah, and I mean,
(12:42):
what a better sign of fertility than you know, actually
being pregnant. That gets a pretty good sign. Now, there's
also this idea that mom's hormones can affect dad's hormones
and that this creates a bonding situation. UH. Neuropsychiatry is
Luann Brizendine. UH put it out there that pregnant women's
(13:05):
pheromones suppressed testosterone levels and their male partners and in
turn increase the men's production of prolactin. This leads to
quote unquote daddy brain and bonds the father to the mother. Supposedly, Yeah,
and there have been a number of cross cultural studies
that have confirmed that men who have kids, and specifically
(13:26):
who spend time with their children do have lower levels
of testosterone in their saliva and uh increased levels of prolactin,
that bonding hormone compared to childless single men. But when
it comes to that attraction of say like a guy
who's walking through a grocery store sees a pregnant women
(13:47):
a woman and is aroused by that, that that has
nothing to do with this kind of physiological response. And
in fact, a study published in the Journal of Sexual
Medicine and two thousand eleven looked into what might possibly
cause that arousal specifically in heterosexual guys towards pregnant women.
(14:11):
And this was conducted by some Italian researchers, and they
found a correlation at least caveat correlation causation ahead. Uh.
They found that men who had been exposed the longest
to their moms who were pregnant or breastfeeding were the
(14:32):
most uh titilated by pregnant women. Right. They did find
that the preference for pregnant and breastfeeding women was more
common in men who had younger siblings. And this is
sort of like the sibling would have to be within
five years younger than them, because that's your that's your
really like sensitive period to you know, develop mentally, when
(14:54):
you're when you're Freudian, sexual imprinting supposedly happens. Right. So
I'm and if your partner has younger siblings ubba hobba,
he might really find you very sexy. Yeah, if you're
a guy who comes is the oldest from a large family,
I'm I'm going to be very curious to hear if
if that is anecdotally confirmed. And I'm also curious with
(15:17):
this whole pregnancy fetish thing. Uh. Not surprisingly, a lot
of this is focused just on guys, and anecdotally, I
do know of guy friends who have expressed similar interest
in in pregnant women. Did they do they say? What,
did they explain anything behind it? It is, uh, it's
(15:41):
generally it's the thing. I mean, it's not a ton
of guys. It's only like probably like two or three
that I can think of at the top of my
head that I've had a conversation with about it. But
they normally explain it as there's no possible way that
they could impregnate that person, so it's completely in a
re productive sense, safe sex. Okay, I don't know, but
(16:05):
I also don't know. I'm now thinking I don't. I
don't know what they're They're sibling lineup is maybe that
had something to do with it. But I also wondered
too though, if in same sex populations, if this happens,
if if some lesbians out there also attracted to pregnant women,
I bet there's a pregnancy glow attractiveness that happens. Yeah. Okay,
(16:27):
So babbel dot Com had had a nice little funny
slideshow of stock photos over on their website kind of
going over why your man would be super attracted to
you during your pregnancy. And you know number one, he
feels like a man. He's proud that you're carrying his child.
He likes your new curves, you can try all those
(16:50):
new sex positions that we mentioned, And he wants to
touch you more. And I I thought this was the
best slash weirdest statement ever as far as he wants
to touch you more. Quote, he can't deny your dough
eyes when you ask for intimate services like backgroubs and
foot massages. Now, wouldn't you assume that perhaps the pregnancy
(17:14):
was preceded by a said lack of denial or said
intimate services. Intimate services? Yeah, and they mentioned the whole
no birth control thing. You're glow again. There's that glow.
Maybe we should do a podcast on the pregnancy glow.
And can you get it without being pregnant? Mmmm? Well,
I mean I use blush that gives me a nice
(17:37):
some bronzer. Yeah, so that's how we single ladies get
our glow. There's also your raging hormones, which equals sexy times.
I can try mster watch out. Yeah, but okay, so
what else is there? Your skin supposedly get softer you're
bonded because you're planning on being parents together. I mean,
I'm sure that's an incredible process to go to go through.
(18:00):
Um and this was also mentioned from that CNN article,
your confidence and your grace of saying, hey, you know
what I am, I'm a woman with a growing child
side of me. Yeah. Well, I do know a lot
of friends who have had babies who would disagree with
(18:20):
the grace thing because eventually there just comes a point,
like my poor friend Jessica, Eventually there just comes a
point where you just feel like, get this out of me.
I am hot and uncomfortable and swollen. So maybe if
if you have felt graceful during your pregnancy, I would
like to hear that story. Yeah, imagining being being pregnant
(18:40):
in the dead of summer. My mother was she threatened
to kill people? Uh if she didn't get americanditioning. But
I bet she threatened gracefully in her very Southern lady
kind of way. Yes. But the great news is, though,
(19:01):
with all of the information that we have just told
out about more of the mechanics of sex arousal around
sex except maybe like the you know, the morning sickness
phase and toward the ladder end of the third trimester.
It sounds all good, like, apparently you're giving off sexy vibes,
you're feeling sexy vibes. Is pregnancy the sexiest nine months
(19:24):
of your life? I don't know. I think it's time
to ask listeners. Can pregnancy sex happened? Doesn't happen? When
were the times when you were like, ab solutely not
don't do this. And guys out there are pregnant women
just mysteriously or not so mysteriously attractive. Do you walk
(19:44):
up to pregnant women in the grocery store? Do you
ask pregnant women on dates? That? That was one story
and some article about a guy who walked up to
that woman and asked her to go to or watch
a soccer game or something. Yeah, go watch the World Cup. Yeah,
just ignore the wedding ring. Why don't you? Jeez? Ever,
so let us know all of your pregnancy sex stories. Well,
(20:05):
I mean, you know the you know, the drill mom
stuff at Discovery dot com is where you can send them.
And before we jump into listener mail, I've got a
quick word from Netflix dot Com which brought us our
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(20:26):
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(20:48):
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In speaking of movies that you can stream instantly, we
recommend since we were talking about pregnancy related stuff, how
about the movie Raising Arizona. There's a fun title for you.
Just curl up on the couch with a Raising Arizona.
And of course, if you're not into Raising Arizona, have
you've already seen it? You can choose from thousands of
(21:10):
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and sign up for your three thirty day trial. Titles
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over Netflix dot com slash mom and now back to
our listener mail. Okay Patrick has a little anecdote about
(21:35):
our punk rock show Um. He says that as I
listened to the punk Rock episode, I could not help
but think of my cousin Joanna. She attended Evergreen State
in the early nineties and worked at K Records. Later,
I sent her a link to the show to ask
her about it. Her response came via text message, and I,
as the reader of this message, will translate um. He
(21:58):
said that his cousin Jo Hannah's d they did a
good job. Thank you, Johannah. I heard about a lot
of that initial Zane band stuff while living in Olympia,
though it was just before I moved there. The familiar
names are Beth Ditto, a friend, Carrie Brownstein, an acquaintance,
Lady Fest. I've volunteered at the first one and K Records.
(22:18):
That's where I worked, but they got sort of pushed
out of the movement when Toby Vale broke up with
the label owner. So thank you for sending us her story.
And I've got an email here from Laana in response
to our episode about fem phobia. She writes, I have
a bad habit that was especially prevalent when I was younger,
that I will call feminine dismissal. I wouldn't say it
(22:39):
was a criticism or phobia of the feminine, but rather
just a complete dismissal of any women who choose fancy
clothes and lots of makeup. To me, these women skate
by on their looks and don't really have anything to add.
I don't think I have any malicious feelings about them,
just apathetic dismissal. Of course, this is bad, but I
habit I still struggle with. However, maybe considered this part
of my dismissal comes from body image issues. The lack
(23:01):
of confidence in my body makes it easy for me
to say, you don't dress like that because you are
a smart, successful woman instead of an airhead. You mentioned
in the podcast that once again, it all seems to
come back to how women look, an endless cycle of
overlapping and confusing concepts. Everyone you assume that a woman
who is very feminine must be vacuous, or you're secretly
jealous but it's easier to criticize. Or do you really
(23:23):
just not like lips it because it makes your lips
feel waxy and funny, or you're just too ashamed of
your body to care. It's exhausting analysis indeed, and I
think that those all of those issues do tend to overlap.
But um, but yeah, I mean if you are if
you are looking at a woman and without even talking
to her, assuming that based on her high heels and
(23:44):
the color of her hair that she doesn't have anything
between her ears. Had a problem enough with a fem
dismissal and femphobia. You find your confidence, all right, That's
what I had to say. Mom Stuff at discovery dot
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(24:04):
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of other topics. Is it how stuff Works dot com.
Welcome to stuff Mom Never Told You from how Stuff
Works dot com. Hello, and welcome to the podcast. I'm
Kristen and I'm Caroline and Caroline on the podcast, we
have talked a lot about sex. We've talked a lot
about pregnancy. So let's bring them both together for pregnancy sex. Okay,
(00:31):
And if there are guys out there, like my roommate,
they just went a lot of people have a bad
reaction to pregnancy sex. Well, it might because it doesn't
necessarily go together in our brain because we have sex
to get pregnant, but then after that we don't think
about having more sex. And also if you think about
(00:52):
it too, like uh um, once you are pretty full
term with a baby, it might not seem like there's
a lot of room to have sex. Yeah, or that
it's safe or comfortable. Yeah, Like what if like could
you poke a baby? If you're having sex? Lets to say, hey,
hey baby, you awake, So let's talk about pregnancy sex.
(01:15):
Can you have it? The answer spoiler alert, Yes you can. Yeah, Um,
it's safe. It's perfectly safe. That's for low risk pregnancies.
We should say it's perfectly safe. Unfortunately, a lot of
this confusion about like is it safe, when should you
do it? When should you not do it? Is because
there there really is kind of a lack of guidelines
(01:37):
and information out there for for pregnant people. Yeah, I
was very surprised to find that it was only in
February of two thousand eleven that there was a primer
on pregnancy sex published for the first time. This was
in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, because of that dearth
(01:57):
of information about it. And they found that by tracking
women who were pregnant and had different kinds of like
low risk pregnant season, some had higher risk pregnant season.
Tracking the different kinds of sexual activity that they had,
they concluded that a lot of our fears about having
sex while you're pregnant, we're really for no reason. Yeah,
(02:21):
and I did realize that I said pregnant people earlier
women are people. Um So, Crystal Chan, who's the co
author of the study that that Kristen mentioned, talks about
different stages of pregnancy and and what might feel good
and when you might not really feel sexy because your
sex drive and your libido do fluctuate during your your
(02:44):
three trimesters. Yeah, it pretty much looks like a bell
curve because during the first trimester, you are getting morning sickness,
you're fatigued, you're nauseated. I don't know about you, Caroline,
that does not sound like sexy time times to me.
But come the second trimester, wow, watch out, because not
(03:07):
only are you more lubricated, you also have increased blood
flow to the genitals and engorgement. Your body is ready
to have sex. And I have talked to friends who
have been pregnant before and they can attest to being very,
very randy during pregnancy. Well, so that's got to be unfortunate. Though,
(03:30):
If you're in your second trimester and you are feeling
kind of randy but your partner is too afraid to
have sex with you, well we can now dispel some fears. Perhaps, right.
That is pregnancy sex for all, unless it's your third trimester,
in which case there's some weight gain and back pain
going on. So you really might just feel uncomfortable and
you know, might not really be in the mood that much.
(03:52):
But according to the Mayo Clinic, as long as your
pregnancy is proceeding normally, you can have all the sex
you want because it will not cause a miscarriage. Yeah,
and for people who might be nervous that you could
harm the fetus by having intercourse. During pregnancy, the fetus
(04:14):
is very protected by amniotic fluid and the uterus and
on top of that a mucous plug that blocks the cervix.
It has been described as a pillow surrounded by another
pillow by Dr Daniel Stelaski over at web md, and
a lot of times once especially, it's it's usually the
men who are a little more concerned about their penis
(04:38):
poking the baby. And yeah, a lot of times once
they hear about all of the swaddling, the pillow, noness
of it all usually puts them a little bit more
at ease. Right. But so some of this misinformation or
lack of information has led to some interesting, interesting medical advice.
This is from a Time article on the topic u UM.
(05:00):
One Italian doctor said that she advises women to avoid
orgasm because the uterine contractions could lead to labor. And
she said, I tell patients they can have sex as
much as they want, as long as they don't enjoy it. Right,
But that's actually a huge myth, right, because the uterine
contractions that might be stimulated by an orgasm are different
(05:23):
from labor contractions, right, and so having an orgasm while
you're pregnant doesn't increase the risk of premature labor. So
we can just put that one to risk. But what
about positions. Surely you know there are some sexual positions
that might be better than better for baby than others. Yeah, uh,
(05:45):
most are okay, uh they this is from Mayo Clinic.
They suggest that you try lying next to your partner,
maybe spooning or on top ask men even suggested that
you maybe have your your partner sitting in a chair
and you sit in his lap. Try it that way
because actually there is one position that is that does
(06:05):
start to have some complications. Yeah, missionary looks like, if
you're pregnant and you want to have sex, you gotta
spice it up a little bit because having sex while
with a pregnant woman on her back might not be
so great because it increases the like the weight of
the growing uterus will put pressure on major blood vessels
(06:26):
and it could cause supine hypotensive syndrome that could lead
to a change in heart rate and blood pressure and dizziness. Yeah,
so make a make a chair handy for you guys. Um, Now,
oral sex, what about oral sex, that's safe, right, Well,
mostly unless your partner blows air into your vagina, in
(06:46):
which case, oh my god, I never knew this, but
a burst of air actually could block a blood vessel,
causing an air embolism, and that could be life threatening
not only for the fetus but also for the mother.
So oral sex, you know, that's okay, but no no blowing,
no blowing. Anal sex, though, this might be off the table,
(07:10):
just to be on the safe side, because a pregnancy
related hemorrhoids could make it uncomfortable and it could also
allow infection, causing bacteria to spread from the rectum to
the vagina. Uh, it's not a guarantee, and it's not
saying that you will necessarily hurt the baby, but just again,
to be on the safe side, you might want to
(07:32):
just steer clear of anal sex, right. And there's a
question about condoms, you know, do you need to use
a condom? Well, you should always use a condom if
your partner does have a sexually transmitted infection. But there
is that whole discussion about you know, for for two
committed partners in a relationship, who they are, you know,
they know that they don't have a sexually transmitted infection.
(07:53):
It's like, whoa, we could have sex and no birth control,
but to be safe, you want to wear a condom
during pregnancy because s t I S could increase the
risk of infections that can end up affecting your pregnancy
and the fetus's health. Yeah, and there is a myth
out there that once you get pregnant you can't contract
(08:14):
an s c I or an STD and that is
totally false, which is why this condom conversation comes up
to begin with. So it sounds like, you know, we
can go for it. Maybe no, maybe no anal sex
and perhaps no keep the missionary position limited, especially as
the pregnancy progresses. So yeah, we can do everything right
(08:41):
unless unless, unless, there are a couple of conditions. This
is also coming from the Mayo clinic. So it is
not safe pregnancy. Sex is not safe if you're at
risk for preterm labor, if you have unexplained vaginal bleeding
or you're lacking amniotic fluid, or if your servix begins
to open prematurely. Your placenta partly or completely covers your
(09:03):
cervical opening and is last one is known as placenta previa,
which puts the mother risk of hemorrhaging. Yeah. A lot
of times in those situations, a you will want to
consult your doctor. And a lot of times doctors will
say maybe no to intercourse. But that doesn't mean that
oral sex would be off the table if, for instance, uh,
(09:24):
intercourse is a no go. Not to make myself some
kind of pregnancy sex therapist for a minute. And if
you are having sex while you're pregnant and you notice
bleeding or a foul smelling discharge, it could be the
sign of an infection that could travel up the uterus.
So again, check in with your doctor if that's going on. Yeah,
definitely safe than sorry, I'm safe and sorry. But really
(09:48):
with the finding, the major takeaway from that study that
was published in the Canadian Medical Journal in two thousand
eleven is that, more than we have ever acknowledged in
the past, sex during pregnant see is generally fine. Yeah,
I mean, as long as you find a comfortable, safe
position with your partner, go for it. Yeah, and do
(10:10):
you have a low risk pregnancy. Of course, it's always
talked to your doctor. You should be checking in with
with the duck or the nurse practitioner. We do not
wear lab coats here. No, that's for sure. Now all right,
so we're talking about sex during pregnancy. What's what's this
thing about sex or pregnancy? I mean being an aphrodisiac. Yeah,
during the second trimester. You know, we mentioned that the
(10:31):
women's libido tends to skyrocket, But what about guys. For
some men and I've met for someone listening, pregnancy is
a turn on there, I said it. Yeah, there there
are certain things that really draw men to pregnant ladies.
(10:53):
According to sex educator Logan love Cough, this isn't an
article on CNN. She said, there's something about being pregnant
that gives you this sense of confidence, being in your
own skin. There is something about owning that and owning
your body, and people pick up on that. Yeah, then
they go, want to say, a voracious appetite for food
translates to an appetite for other things life in general,
(11:15):
and of course sex. They make pregnancy sounds of cosmopolitans.
All of a sudden, you're out there on ferris wheels
and swinging around, throwing your hat up in the air
like Mary Tyler Moore, momos have never looked so good. Um. So, yeah,
I mean You've also heard about the pregnancy glow, and
I don't know, I don't know pregnant women out there
(11:37):
were you glowing? Uh, this could be just more of
the projecting confidence thing, like, Hey, I'm growing a person
inside of me, you know, like I'm growing this little
fetus that's gonna you know, pop out and be my baby.
That's that's a pretty impressive thing for your body to do, right, Yeah,
I mean, my body's never done that keeps impressive to me.
(11:57):
Sharon cook Over at CNN talked to some fellows to
try to get to the bottom of this, and they started, Yeah,
the glow that you're talking about. Obviously breast engorgement. Your
boobs tend to get bigger, and supposedly men are quote
unquote wired to scan for signs of fertility, and so
(12:19):
a pregnant woman always brings out an odd mix of
physical attraction and desire to be protective. She writes, even
if it is not that person's fetus inside of a woman,
that there's still something that supposedly is is sparked, perhaps
to the point of being a fetish Yeah, and I mean,
(12:42):
what a better sign of fertility than you know, actually
being pregnant. That gets a pretty good sign. Now, there's
also this idea that mom's hormones can affect dad's hormones
and that this creates a bonding situation. UH. Neuropsychiatry is
Luann Brizendine. UH put it out there that pregnant women's
(13:05):
pheromones suppressed testosterone levels and their male partners and in
turn increase the men's production of prolactin. This leads to
quote unquote daddy brain and bonds the father to the mother. Supposedly, Yeah,
and there have been a number of cross cultural studies
that have confirmed that men who have kids, and specifically
(13:26):
who spend time with their children do have lower levels
of testosterone in their saliva and uh increased levels of prolactin,
that bonding hormone compared to childless single men. But when
it comes to that attraction of say like a guy
who's walking through a grocery store sees a pregnant women
(13:47):
a woman and is aroused by that, that that has
nothing to do with this kind of physiological response. And
in fact, a study published in the Journal of Sexual
Medicine and two thousand eleven looked into what might possibly
cause that arousal specifically in heterosexual guys towards pregnant women.
(14:11):
And this was conducted by some Italian researchers, and they
found a correlation at least caveat correlation causation ahead. Uh.
They found that men who had been exposed the longest
to their moms who were pregnant or breastfeeding were the
(14:32):
most uh titilated by pregnant women. Right. They did find
that the preference for pregnant and breastfeeding women was more
common in men who had younger siblings. And this is
sort of like the sibling would have to be within
five years younger than them, because that's your that's your
really like sensitive period to you know, develop mentally, when
(14:54):
you're when you're Freudian, sexual imprinting supposedly happens. Right. So
I'm and if your partner has younger siblings ubba hobba,
he might really find you very sexy. Yeah, if you're
a guy who comes is the oldest from a large family,
I'm I'm going to be very curious to hear if
if that is anecdotally confirmed. And I'm also curious with
(15:17):
this whole pregnancy fetish thing. Uh. Not surprisingly, a lot
of this is focused just on guys, and anecdotally, I
do know of guy friends who have expressed similar interest
in in pregnant women. Did they do they say? What,
did they explain anything behind it? It is, uh, it's
(15:41):
generally it's the thing. I mean, it's not a ton
of guys. It's only like probably like two or three
that I can think of at the top of my
head that I've had a conversation with about it. But
they normally explain it as there's no possible way that
they could impregnate that person, so it's completely in a
re productive sense, safe sex. Okay, I don't know, but
(16:05):
I also don't know. I'm now thinking I don't. I
don't know what they're They're sibling lineup is maybe that
had something to do with it. But I also wondered
too though, if in same sex populations, if this happens,
if if some lesbians out there also attracted to pregnant women,
I bet there's a pregnancy glow attractiveness that happens. Yeah. Okay,
(16:27):
So babbel dot Com had had a nice little funny
slideshow of stock photos over on their website kind of
going over why your man would be super attracted to
you during your pregnancy. And you know number one, he
feels like a man. He's proud that you're carrying his child.
He likes your new curves, you can try all those
(16:50):
new sex positions that we mentioned, And he wants to
touch you more. And I I thought this was the
best slash weirdest statement ever as far as he wants
to touch you more. Quote, he can't deny your dough
eyes when you ask for intimate services like backgroubs and
foot massages. Now, wouldn't you assume that perhaps the pregnancy
(17:14):
was preceded by a said lack of denial or said
intimate services. Intimate services? Yeah, and they mentioned the whole
no birth control thing. You're glow again. There's that glow.
Maybe we should do a podcast on the pregnancy glow.
And can you get it without being pregnant? Mmmm? Well,
I mean I use blush that gives me a nice
(17:37):
some bronzer. Yeah, so that's how we single ladies get
our glow. There's also your raging hormones, which equals sexy times.
I can try mster watch out. Yeah, but okay, so
what else is there? Your skin supposedly get softer you're
bonded because you're planning on being parents together. I mean,
I'm sure that's an incredible process to go to go through.
(18:00):
Um and this was also mentioned from that CNN article,
your confidence and your grace of saying, hey, you know
what I am, I'm a woman with a growing child
side of me. Yeah. Well, I do know a lot
of friends who have had babies who would disagree with
(18:20):
the grace thing because eventually there just comes a point,
like my poor friend Jessica, Eventually there just comes a
point where you just feel like, get this out of me.
I am hot and uncomfortable and swollen. So maybe if
if you have felt graceful during your pregnancy, I would
like to hear that story. Yeah, imagining being being pregnant
(18:40):
in the dead of summer. My mother was she threatened
to kill people? Uh if she didn't get americanditioning. But
I bet she threatened gracefully in her very Southern lady
kind of way. Yes. But the great news is, though,
(19:01):
with all of the information that we have just told
out about more of the mechanics of sex arousal around
sex except maybe like the you know, the morning sickness
phase and toward the ladder end of the third trimester.
It sounds all good, like, apparently you're giving off sexy vibes,
you're feeling sexy vibes. Is pregnancy the sexiest nine months
(19:24):
of your life? I don't know. I think it's time
to ask listeners. Can pregnancy sex happened? Doesn't happen? When
were the times when you were like, ab solutely not
don't do this. And guys out there are pregnant women
just mysteriously or not so mysteriously attractive. Do you walk
(19:44):
up to pregnant women in the grocery store? Do you
ask pregnant women on dates? That? That was one story
and some article about a guy who walked up to
that woman and asked her to go to or watch
a soccer game or something. Yeah, go watch the World Cup. Yeah,
just ignore the wedding ring. Why don't you? Jeez? Ever,
so let us know all of your pregnancy sex stories. Well,
(20:05):
I mean, you know the you know, the drill mom
stuff at Discovery dot com is where you can send them.
And before we jump into listener mail, I've got a
quick word from Netflix dot Com which brought us our
stuff I've never told you episode today for a limited time.
(20:26):
Listeners of stuff Mom never told you can head over
to Netflix for a free thirty day trial. If they
go to Netflix dot com slash mom that's Netflix dot
com slash mom. You can get a free thirty day
trial and check out their vast library of TVs and
(20:48):
movies that you can stream instantly on your computer and enjoy.
In speaking of movies that you can stream instantly, we
recommend since we were talking about pregnancy related stuff, how
about the movie Raising Arizona. There's a fun title for you.
Just curl up on the couch with a Raising Arizona.
And of course, if you're not into Raising Arizona, have
you've already seen it? You can choose from thousands of
(21:10):
more titles. Just go to Netflix dot com slash mom
and sign up for your three thirty day trial. Titles
are subject to availability, so don't wait around. Head on
over Netflix dot com slash mom and now back to
our listener mail. Okay Patrick has a little anecdote about
(21:35):
our punk rock show Um. He says that as I
listened to the punk Rock episode, I could not help
but think of my cousin Joanna. She attended Evergreen State
in the early nineties and worked at K Records. Later,
I sent her a link to the show to ask
her about it. Her response came via text message, and I,
as the reader of this message, will translate um. He
(21:58):
said that his cousin Jo Hannah's d they did a
good job. Thank you, Johannah. I heard about a lot
of that initial Zane band stuff while living in Olympia,
though it was just before I moved there. The familiar
names are Beth Ditto, a friend, Carrie Brownstein, an acquaintance,
Lady Fest. I've volunteered at the first one and K Records.
(22:18):
That's where I worked, but they got sort of pushed
out of the movement when Toby Vale broke up with
the label owner. So thank you for sending us her story.
And I've got an email here from Laana in response
to our episode about fem phobia. She writes, I have
a bad habit that was especially prevalent when I was younger,
that I will call feminine dismissal. I wouldn't say it
(22:39):
was a criticism or phobia of the feminine, but rather
just a complete dismissal of any women who choose fancy
clothes and lots of makeup. To me, these women skate
by on their looks and don't really have anything to add.
I don't think I have any malicious feelings about them,
just apathetic dismissal. Of course, this is bad, but I
habit I still struggle with. However, maybe considered this part
of my dismissal comes from body image issues. The lack
(23:01):
of confidence in my body makes it easy for me
to say, you don't dress like that because you are
a smart, successful woman instead of an airhead. You mentioned
in the podcast that once again, it all seems to
come back to how women look, an endless cycle of
overlapping and confusing concepts. Everyone you assume that a woman
who is very feminine must be vacuous, or you're secretly
jealous but it's easier to criticize. Or do you really
(23:23):
just not like lips it because it makes your lips
feel waxy and funny, or you're just too ashamed of
your body to care. It's exhausting analysis indeed, and I
think that those all of those issues do tend to overlap.
But um, but yeah, I mean if you are if
you are looking at a woman and without even talking
to her, assuming that based on her high heels and
(23:44):
the color of her hair that she doesn't have anything
between her ears. Had a problem enough with a fem
dismissal and femphobia. You find your confidence, all right, That's
what I had to say. Mom Stuff at discovery dot
com is where you can send your letters and you
can find us on Facebook what over there, You can
like us, leave a comment, or you can tweet us
(24:04):
at mom Stuff podcast. You can tumble with us too
over its stuff mom never told you dot tumbler dot com.
And if you'd like to get smarter during the week,
I highly recommend you had to our website, It's how
stuff Works dot com for more on this and thousands
of other topics. Is it how stuff Works dot com.
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