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May 30, 2024 16 mins

For a long time, car troubles has been both a pickup line used by men, and a way to gatekeep women. Is that still the case?

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Anny and Samantha.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
Welcome to STUFFE never told you production buy Heart Radio,
and today we are doing another happy hour.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
Welcome, Welcome.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
As always, if you are joining us, do whatever you're doing, responsibly,
drinking or otherwise.

Speaker 3 (00:30):
What are you sleeping on, Samantha.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
My diet soda. Keep it in mind. I drink water earlier,
so I'm like, Okay, I feel like I did a
good job on the water. So I'm a drinker diet
soda today.

Speaker 3 (00:40):

Speaker 2 (00:41):
Yeah, I had different episode. But I've been having strange
dreams lately. I told you about one of them earlier.
I also had one that was just I couldn't stop
drinking water. The whole dream was about water. Stopped drinking water.
It was very bizarreting I am drinking a summer shandy
a friend left up my apartment. Oh nice, I guess.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
So hope. I hope it's good.

Speaker 1 (01:06):
Yeah, they're usually pretty good. I used to drink those
way back when.

Speaker 3 (01:10):
I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm sure it'll be fine.

Speaker 2 (01:13):
Uh So, this episode might be coming at you a
little late because we've had a couple of on my
own technical issues, which is kind of indicative of what
I wanted to talk about I said recently, I feel
like my life is in disarray. I feel like I
have a lot of things that I've let build up
that just all around me that I have not fixed

for one reason or the other. A big one is
my car. So Antha knows about this, and my car
has been dead for two weeks now. It does not start.
I had someone come out to look at it. It seems
like it's just a battery issue. But I kind of
wanted to talk about it because I was thinking about
kind of the whole car troubles.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
Joke, which for a long time has been like.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
A joke about men hitting on women when their car
is broken down, and I just got to thinking about
that and all the implications they're in. So I know
I've told this story before, but when I was in
high school, there was an automotive class. Women were not
allowed in it unless there was a space after all

the men had off first.

Speaker 1 (02:27):

Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yeah, because I really wanted to do The choices were,
and I'm not joking, the choices were automotive are Dance.
I wanted to do automotive No, it's comical and infuriating.
I wanted to do automotive because I thought it would
be useful. I love dancing, but I thought like this

would be good to know. They would not let me in.
They did let in one of the women from my class,
but I hate to say it felt like she was
really sexualized.

Speaker 3 (03:06):
In that class. Oh she would talk about it.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
So it was like a thing where I wanted to
learn and I didn't get the chance at that time.
And then, you know, I just never had really an
opportunity or real strong desire to learn after that, Like
that would have been a nice is that of school
I had to attend right it was there. I never

did after that, and never did get the technology the expertise.

Speaker 3 (03:36):
That I wanted.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
And I will say, I want to say I have
always been scared around cars. There are some reasons for
that that I've talked about before, but also I'm just
afraid of like expensive things. The car is expensive. It
makes me nervous. And this is going to sound like
way worse than it actually was. But my dad used

to ask me to pump gas. So if I needed gas,
I'd call him and he would come and he would
pump the gas. And so it just made me feel
like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm going to
mess up this very expensive piece of equipment. So I
just have like really deep seated I don't know how

to handle a car. I don't know what to do
about it. And that being said, I want to shout
out my friend Marissa who once this was before it
was like ruined and everything, but it was like the
final Harry Potter movie was coming out. My car wouldn't start,
and she was like, no, we have to get there
on time, and she got that car start.

Speaker 3 (04:43):
She knew what to do, she did everything.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
So in this I'm mostly talking about experiences I've had
where it feels like a lot of this car stuff
is still being pretty gate.

Speaker 3 (04:55):
Kept by men.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
But I have plenty of examples of women in my
life that do know what they're doing are good at it,
So I just want to make that clear. Also on
the other side of that, I my ex, who was
a dude, once sheepishly admitted to me that he knew
nothing about cars when my car broke down. So it's

also like, I think, in a lot of ways a
lot of us don't know.

Speaker 3 (05:21):
Yeah, true story.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
I feel like I learned a lot about car stuff
because of so many things i'll let go wrong. Oh,
I know what this sound is, so I learned from
my bad.

Speaker 3 (05:35):
Do you feel like you could like do some basic.

Speaker 1 (05:38):
Like no, Like the basic is like I know how
to change it higher, but it's really hard, especially with
like the changing of the bolts. But I've made sure
that I did learn. But I'm like it's gonna take
me forever, like forever ever if I really do have
to try this, but I remembered how to do it. One,
I don't know how to change the oil filter, but

I feel like that's an easy YouTube. But I know
what a sound of something is, Like, I'm like, that's
sound like a whalebearing. I think I need to go
do this. That sounds like the alignment is off, Like
I need to go do this like stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
Yeah, well, I mean my most recent problem when the
guy showed up because I did call a repair service
because again it won't start so I can't get it anywhere.
I was like, I think it's bad because I recognize
this clicking. I have heard this before, and I have.
The sad thing is I used to be pretty good

at like very basic, very basic, admittedly, but I used
to be pretty good at that stuff, and now I've
just become so afraid I'll mess I'll mess something up,
and that's important because I never drive anymore, right, But
also just don't feel confident in it. There are a
couple of other things too. So one is, as Samantha knows, I,

my car doesn't move from its spot very often, so
it's sort of like people know my car. It's there,
and so I'm sort of I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed by it.
But also there's like a guy that comes out in
my building to smoke, but he comes out and he
just hangs out, and I don't want to be out
there trying to do my thing, and he's looking at

me like mmmm. And then my landlord is like ever present,
and I don't want to get involved. But it's all
these like men in.

Speaker 3 (07:27):
My life that I'm like, I'm not in your life, yeah,
but they're like in my.

Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah. Also, like I would like to go ahead and
put an astrak here with the neighbor, because I have
actually avoided going to your door myself, who typically I
will like it doesn't bother me as much as it
bothers you. I don't want to hang out and be awkward.
I don't want to have a conversation with people. But
he literally stands in a way that is oh so imposing,

as well as smoking right on the steps, as well
as most sometimes being shortless and a little over like
he just hangs out there and like all of those
things are like, yeah, he's not gonna move out of
my way, Like he just purposely stands there staring people down.

Speaker 3 (08:11):

Speaker 1 (08:12):
I have noticed that because when I would wait for you,
I'm like, hey, I'm down here, but your neighbor's there,
so might want to wait for a second. I'm gonna
wait for a second. And then he just sits there
and stairs.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
Mm hmm. He does.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
Like he's a whole special conversation in itself.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
It's yeah, and it's unfortunate because it has like one
of the things I hate that I'm really having trouble
letting go from the pandemic is that I don't feel
super comfortable leaving my place all the time.

Speaker 3 (08:41):
And part of it is what if he's there? What
if he's there and.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
I've literally like gone back upstairs, I see him out there,
and to be, he's never done anything to me.

Speaker 3 (08:50):
He's just like got a vibe that's not great.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
So I don't want to be out trying to fix
something with my car that possibly I could fix if
he's going to be out there.

Speaker 3 (09:09):
So I call in.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
The service that comes to you, and it was a
guy and he was super nice. But then afterwards everyone
was like, well, it sounds like he was flirting with you,
and now, oh no, because he knows I can't go anywhere.

Speaker 3 (09:25):
He knows that.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
Two of my friends who when I was telling them,
they were like, they were just asking, oh, come, and
they were like, it kind of sounds like do you
think he was And I said, no, I don't think so,
but I don't have the best track record with that,
and I don't know.

Speaker 3 (09:42):
I honestly have no idea. Uh, he will be here
getting soon, so see. But then I started thinking about
that because like.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
I feel like a lot of times that whole kind
of car trouble thing, that whole like women can't take
automotive class. We're going to get to that episode that
we've been talking about forever about the history of women
in driving. Does feel very like you can't go anywhere,
so I'll help you in this case, like very like
heteronormative man being like, I'll help you then, because it

is it does feel very i'll swoop in and rescue you,
whereas I think, I like, I used to be able
to fix a lot of these things, at least like
the smaller things, and it's frustrating to me that it's
gotten to a point where.

Speaker 3 (10:36):
I just gotta do. I feel like I have to.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
Deal with this because I'm avoiding other dudes, but also
like I am scared I'll do damage to my car.
I've talked about before. I actually passed out when my
parents bought a car because I saw how much it
was and I passed out, Like I have a lot
of anxiety around how much things cost, and it does

feel kind of like.

Speaker 3 (11:05):
It's out of my control.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
So this also I just don't It's sad because I
also just don't like driving. I don't want to, but
I have to. That's sort of the society we live in.
And I do want a working car, that's the hoddest.
I do want one, but it's frustrating because I'm like,
but I want one. It feels like just for emergencies

and this, you know, we've talked before about like stereotypes
around women driving and men driving that was definitely present
in my last relationship. But this, I also feel is
changing because I've seen a lot of my friends doesn't
really feel like that's there anymore for them at all.

Speaker 3 (11:49):
But when I like when my ex and I were dating.

Speaker 2 (11:52):
He was always like, I will drive and he was
not a good driver or Samantha, he was actually pretty bad.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
I was a better driver than him. I feel confident
in saying.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
Oh no, yeah, my partner and I share duties, make
sure because we split it. Because also I get carsick
really easily. So like the only times I don't really
get carsick is if A I'm asleep or B I'm driving,
so I can't sit a whole ride like that.

Speaker 3 (12:19):

Speaker 2 (12:20):
Yeah, And I feel like you and several of my friends,
that's what I've seen is it feels like pretty equal
in terms of how they're driving. So I'm glad to
see that because I remember when the show first started
there was an episode about like why do men do
most of the driving?

Speaker 1 (12:34):
I mean, that's still definitely a stereotype on TikTok about
a passenger princess. Yes, all over my for you page
on TikTok.

Speaker 2 (12:42):
It is definitely still a thing and I would love
to hear from listeners about it, because I always hesitate
talking about some of these older like stereotypes in terms of,
you know, how many times do we have to bring
this back?

Speaker 3 (12:52):
But the thing is they do keep coming back.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
But I would like to hear from people's other experiences.
There is something else that has been happening in recent
years where there's been a couple of examples of women
owned are women based automotive repair shops. There is there
was one in Atlanta. I think it's changed.

Speaker 1 (13:16):
It hasn't. They've made a big announcement to let you
know it is no longer owned by a woman, like
it has been a thing because they still kept the
logo and kept the first part of because the title
of it is literally like, my mechanic is a woman.
And so when that when that stopped, they didn't take
away the name until they finally are like, hey, a
woman doesn't own this, just so you know, I'm not
the owner. So they had to do my mechanic is

and they left that.

Speaker 3 (13:39):
Yes, they just left it be, which was sad.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
But there have been a couple of examples of those
kinds of things, and it's one of those things where
I have I'm like two minds about. It's sort of
like the women only gyms where I get it, but
I think we should address like a larger issue. But
I do totally get it. Like again, I've laid out
several examples of where men have made me uncomfortable around cars,

so I I do understand. But it's also sort of like,
if this is what we're doing, we might want to
ask why why that is? And you know, unfortunately, the
car repair business is just notorious. The car business in

general is notorious for flying to people or upselling people,
or not being upfront with people. I know it's not everybody,
but that when you go into a situation and you
feel like, oh, I don't know enough about this and
I feel like this person's probably trying to cheat me,
it's like not a great situation. And I think that's
compounded with women because I think the view is still

women don't know what they're doing with cars, but clearly,
for a long time we've been prevented from knowing. Even
if the class you wanted to take in high school
was automotive.

Speaker 3 (15:10):
And a story. Yes, so those are my car troubles.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
And car troubles yeah, I just I was gonna I
titled it that because that's what like the joke always is,
as the guy comes up and he's like car troubles.
But if anyone has any thoughts about this, or if
you have any examples of these women based automotive repair shops,
your experience there, or just yeah, generally, what's the trope

the vibe of gender stereotypes around driving right now?

Speaker 3 (15:44):
Please let us know.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
You can email us as Stepanie mom Stuff at iHeartMedia
dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mom
Stuff podcast or on Instagram and TikTok at stuff When
Never Told You on YouTube, and we have a tea
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wherever you get your books. Thanks as always too our
super producer Christina, to producer My and our contributor Joey,
thank you, and thanks to you for listening. Steffan Never
Told You is production of Ihart Radio. For more podcasts

from my Heart Radio, you can check out the heart
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