July 10, 2019 • 51 mins
After a remarkably stress-free family vacation, Peter’s new medication makes him so crazy that Beth and Peter have to scrap an entire episode, then fight all night, and re-record a day late. It sounds terrible and it was, but things end up better in the end.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
I got. Hello, welcome to We Knows Parenting. I'm Beth Newall,
I'm Peter McNerney. You know us. We're coming back to
you after a few days of vacation. Um, yep, we're
releasing this a day late. Are we going to tell
(00:31):
them what happened? Um? Yes, yes, without getting into it,
so it happens again. But um hm, who's who? Who's
going to tell this story? So we recorded last night
and we didn't we attempted to record. We recorded a
long intro that luckily none of you will ever have
(00:54):
to listen to, because it was us arguing about, uh,
the truth of another argument we had had. Um the
big thing that made it worse than normal, you know,
And you've listened to the podcast, unless, of course you haven't,
in which case you've heard us at each other's throats
(01:17):
on this podcast and we record last minute so we
can't get out of it. Yeah, okay, So the big
thing for you all to be aware of is that
we had a lovely vacation, very uh uneventful. But as
you said on last week's podcast, you started taking this
medication for your blood pressure, which is a beta blocker,
(01:38):
and it was altering your mood and making you lash
out at me, and so then I got very very angry,
very quickly, very unexpectedly, and turned into a very bad man. Right,
So then you cut the dose in half, and then
we had a pretty calm week for the most part.
And then when we were driving home, I said something
(01:59):
to you and you flipped out, and then we both
parted ways because you had to go to work. And
then we started discussing it on the podcast, and I
thought we were on the same page about what had happened.
And then when the rage came back, you had another
rage episode and the sin you have since last night
(02:19):
decided to discontinue using this medication. I think this was
a solid choice. Yeah, um, yeah, it was. It's a
It was a real bad week, except for the vacation
in the middle. I guess it was great. I went
in saying the first three days of this medication cut
in half, and I'm like, okay, I think I've settled
into it. Feel good. I really had a lovely vacation.
(02:43):
And then on the way back, my brain snapped and
it was very scary, and I did not like myself
or anything, or the world or life or anything. I
think you'd call it depression. Uh, albeit a very identifiable
like I know that there's just weird chemicals in my brain,
(03:04):
and I know where this is coming from, and I
know I can end it. And when you would get
mad at me, it was like zero to sixty, like
you would just immediately launch into saying that I was
the worst person ever. Got a little hyperbolic. Yeah, a
little bit. I got very mean, and I I just
(03:25):
wanted to hurt your feelings. I mean, I think you're
lucky that I knew when you were saying these things
that I I'm pretty sure you don't believe those things.
We haven't had time, but for the record, I don't
believe those things. But it's still not fun to hear.
Like my reaction to it is like, Okay, I'm not
(03:48):
going to engage with this, you're not behaving rationally. But
after the fact, what I wanted to unpack was that
I don't think it's acceptable to say those things, and
I don't want should be spoken to that way. I
think that I think that's fair. Um, I know what
that feels like. I mean, you never rage lashed out
(04:09):
at me, but like you've been mad and you've you've
said things that I felt were hyperbolic and not fair enough.
That's not really my style though, to be hyperbolic. My
style is to say something that's too true and cutting.
You do say you always a lot, and that that
(04:31):
annoys me. I have to because I'm like, well, that's
not true in my mind. It is, well, I know
it in your mind, but I'm like, huh, examples, you've
gotten better at that. You still do that sometimes, but
I can't imagine you doing that while also going insane
and being scary and loud and threatening. Well, I think
(04:53):
it was frustrating about it for me, and I kind
of told you this last night. Is I feel like
there's a double standard in terms of how enraged I'm
allowed to get. And if I was reacting this way,
it would be like all over for us, Like it
would just spiral out of control very quickly. And I've
(05:15):
seen you get that way, but not like that, because
I over the last few years, I have had a
number of instances where I was either stressed or depressed,
or hormonal or experiencing thyroid cancer and a deteriorating thyroid
where my body was like literally shutting down, and I
(05:39):
remember having moments where I knew there was something wrong
with my body or my brain. And I remember one
time I came home I felt horrible. This was before
I was diagnosed with the thyroid cancer, so I didn't
quite know why, but I thought I thought I was
experiencing weaning hormones and I was filled with this national rage.
(06:01):
And I remember sitting on the couch and turning to
you and saying, I feel an uncontrollable rage. I need
you to just not talk to me at all. I
need you to just stay away from me. This is
not like this year. This is not a rational person
you're dealing with. And I tried to say it as
calmly as possible, because I was like, I am a
(06:23):
taking time bomb. And you went in the other room
and then a few minutes later you came back and
you said, you know what, I don't appreciate being spoken
to or whatever, and you just poked the bear, and
I don't like. I feel like this is not all women,
(06:45):
but I feel like sometimes as women, like we are
expected to keep our cool in a way that men
don't have to. Um, I don't remember this, so I'm
not going to try to defend myself. YEAHM Um, so
I'm not going to poke the bear. I'm gonna let
(07:07):
that be. Well. I just want to commend myself for
doing a pretty good job of keeping calm during this week.
Well I watched you write out this medication. Um. Yeah,
And so we tried to record a podcast while I
was going crazy and it led to a long night
(07:27):
of I almost I had something happened to me that
I've never experienced before, which was like like hyperventilating and
just laying on the floor for fifteen minutes. That was weird. Um,
but We're we're through it. I stopped taking that thing.
I still I still feel weird, but I've been a
(07:49):
whole day without it. I'm like, I feel like myself
a little bit. And uh, well, whatever it's doing is
I mean, this is probably an indication that you're brain
chemistry is not a good match for beta blockers. And
so I called the doctor and I was like, listen,
I'm off of this. Let's reassess in January. And I'm gonna,
(08:10):
like I have that much time to you know, get
get ripped, and by ripped I mean healthy and uh boy,
this if there ever was a motivation to like do
it right, it's like, well, I don't want to feel
like that ever. Again. Not nothing's worth it. No cheeseburger
is worth that. Should we do before and after photos
(08:33):
of your ripped body for the podcast? Yeah, I'm committing
to you all right now. In six months, I'm gonna
be ripped. I'm gonna get swollen. Is that what people say?
I hated saying that just now. I'll never say that again.
You're not allowed to say that. I don't. I didn't
like it yet anyway, Beth, Anyway, were I love you.
(08:58):
You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. We
really got into some things last night. Um um, we
we got I got some work to do. I think
it was, as usual, ultimately a productive incident. I think
i'd really do things. Of course, us to communicate some things.
We said some real some real ship to each other.
(09:20):
And I just want you to know that we both did.
Oh boy, just what do you I didn't say any
real real things. Oh I thought you meant like bad ship.
Oh no, no, I mean we said some honest things
to each other that were like scary and and uh
(09:41):
and real. But at the moment it was really scary
and in the morning I thought about it. I was like,
there's truth to these things, but I'm really excited two
to like lean into them instead of you know, leaning away. Yeah,
I of you. That's all anyway, thank you. UM. Our
(10:04):
vacation so we went on a family vacation with my vacation,
with my vacation, with my vacation with my family, and
Brendan Maven got to spend a week with their four cousins,
two older and two in between them. So we had
two ages to three for almost five no no no, no,
(10:24):
two three three, almost twelve, jumped down, turn around. Um
and boy, it's so it seems like, do you do
you find this, Beth, that when we go on vacation
with our kids and around other kids, it seems like
they suddenly grow up a year in a week. Is that?
(10:47):
Does that actually happen? Do they develop quickly because they're
around those kids or is it just the first time
we spend a week watching them and we haven't noticed
that they've already grown up? Um? I have definitely noticed
that in certain situations. I guess I didn't notice that
as much this week, but they definitely felt like they
were enjoying themselves a lot and like enjoying their freedom.
(11:08):
In the past, it would be like we'd go to
your mom's house and she'd like teach them how to
climb up on the counters or something and be like, oh, okay,
now we do this now. Like they do like they
do always tend to pick something up a family trip
um for better or worse. The big thing is day one.
(11:31):
I was like, you don't go on the road. That
is a big rule. You don't go in the bush,
you don't go in the basement. And they follow those rules. Yeah,
that was pretty cool. They also like they're getting more
comfortable in the water may even especially it was like
sort of like walking around in the water without her
floaties on, and you know, she occasionally flipped over and
(11:54):
got water up her nose, but she's sort of you
could see her like ready to learn her swim almost.
She's just she loves the water and I love so
where where this house is, there's these really when it's
low tide, there's these huge mud flats that go on
for a long way, so you can just wander around
(12:18):
on the mud flats and digging up horseshoe crabs, and
it's the it's perfect for little kids to like go
wait into this really shallow water and dig up crabs
and snails and and because I like the beach, but
I don't love the beach like you like I don't
love sitting just sitting in the sand. And it was
(12:39):
it was anything where everyone was happy. Anytime anyone disparages
the beach, it just feels like a knife to my heart.
I love the beach, I just can't do I'm not
quite as like I'm gonna sit on the beach all
day type of person. I love it, I know, but
this the options of high tide, load tide, the boat,
(13:02):
the beach, the digging, the walking back. Everyone could do
what they wanted all the time, and it was great. Well,
but the thing is like when Maven Springer what she
wants and she's like floating around the beach and in
the water and stuff, like she's pretty happy and like
she's happy to go to her own world a little bit.
And Brin is like back at the house just over
(13:26):
stimulating himself to the max, like chasing his cousins, trying
to sneak sugar, like just NonStop stimulation, like all that
he can get and then he crashes. We had some
big crashes can So they've been home for two days
now and they've gone back to daycare, but Bryn is
(13:47):
not going to pre kick because it's the summer, so
he's taking naps. The last two days they've been perfect
children bedtime in the morning. Could you believe this morning
Bryn walks into a him and wakes us up, and
we were very tired because we're up very late fighting
and he goes, mommy, daddy. I got dressed, and granted
(14:09):
he was wearing he was wearing full sweatpants and a
long sleeve T shirt like wind pants. Uh along, he
has eighty eight degrees today. Yeah, I noticed he so
we told told him had to change and he eventually
came around, but he did his usual resistance thing. And
I've noticed lately he's become very sensitive to criticism. And
(14:33):
he was like he said something this morning like where
he was like, well, I made a mistake or like
I messed up or something. And when we were on vacation,
I was trying to explain to him that he couldn't
do something like I can't remember what it was, but
I was like, you have to listen or like not
hurt people or something and we're walking alone, and I
(14:55):
had this nice moment with him, but he was so
like vulnerable, cause he was like, I try not to
do that, but then I just ruin it. And he
like it was kind of the same thing that you have,
was just like just like poor impulse control sometimes. And
I had like a nice moment with him where I
(15:15):
like hugged him and I was like, I still love
you if you make mistakes, but I need you to
try not to do and he was like, and he
kept just being like, but then I try, and sometimes
I just ruin it. This I've been getting a little
bit of that with him, and I've I've been making
(15:35):
a point of just going you'll get it next time. Yeah,
it's good, that's right. That's why I'm trying to calmly
focus on the objective and not be like angry. Yeah, yeah,
I find it when I get into the sort of
what you just said. But but more stern is that like,
we gotta you gotta stop doing this. Then it's more
(15:59):
likely to happen again, as opposed to this just like
oh it's okay, we'll have another chance, We'll get it
next time. Right. Actually, today I picked him up and
he goes, daddy, guess what. He's like, I didn't hurt
anyone today. And I listened and it was like great,
and I wanted to be like, when did you hurt somebody?
(16:21):
I was like, I'm just gonna focus on the positive here. Yeah, well,
I was impressive about this morning with the pants and
the long sleeves. He was clearly disappointed, and he was
like wanted us to be proud of his outfit. But
then he did, kind of without arguing too much, walk
back in the other room and come back wearing shorts
and a T shirt. I was more shocked by that.
I was so shocked. I was like, wow, you know
(16:43):
why because we were too tired, because we were like, yeah,
it's gonna really you have to change in shorts. He's
like no, and I'm like it's gonna be really hot today,
and he's like, I don't want to. And then both
of us just shut up because we were too tired,
and we were both realized like, Okay, we're gonna have
to go change him, but we're gonna lay here because
it's early. And then in that time, because we weren't pushing,
he just just had time to himself and he went
(17:05):
and did it right. I have been to daycare on
time two days in a row. It's a miracle. Also
picked up. I went to pick maybe up today and
she was wearing somebody else's clothes. All of her clothes
were somebody else's, and one of the other girls there
(17:26):
was wearing one of Britten shirts. I haven't seen in months.
That's really funny. I think they had a sprinkler day
and no one had bathing suits. Yeah. Well last summer
they told us to bring bathing suits, and then this
summer they didn't. She told me yes this morning, but
they also didn't ask for sunblock this year. I brought some. Yeah,
they're clearly outside. I do kind of like how how
(17:48):
much they don't care about getting us the right clothes
back though, It's like yeah, I'm like, as long as
you don't care that I don't bring extra clothes, I
don't care if people use our clothes. Yeah, as long
as we're all in agreement that this is just gonna happen. Yeah,
ALMOSM merely going, hey, that's brint shirt. Then I realized
the woman who's there one didn't speak English, and to
(18:12):
who cares? Yeah, can we just say before we end
this segment. You bought this beer alcohol and we split
it and I've had half of this glass. I'm feeling it, baby,
(18:32):
And now it's time for did you know this is
where we share something we've learned already about Beth got
a thing she'd gone I'll tell you now. Okay. So
this article is from New York Times Parenting section. It's
called Parents, Here's how to Avoid doing Battle with your
picky Eater. It's by Desha fill y'all. Um, I feel
(18:55):
you're so funny. Should going to call that? Um? Okay?
So it had some tips for dealing with picky eaters,
and I think it was just kind of interesting and
sort of laying out some of the reasons for picky
eating and how to deal with it. So it said, um,
(19:15):
it's helpful to understand what's driving your child's picky eating
because there's, you know, a variety of different reasons your
kid could be a picky eater. And so uh so,
one example, which we're very familiar with, is, uh when
your kid wants autonomy and there are a few foods
(19:37):
simply because they can and because they want control. The
other one says, picky eaters are simply being oppositional. It's
a power struggle they have with you. Um. Another reason
is that it could just be your child's temperament. If
you have a pessimistic child or they're going through a
pessimistic phase. Um, they think I'm not going to like
(19:59):
this going into it, and they need repeated exposure to
new foods. Um. Another issue could be that you have
a child on the autism spectrum with sensory issues. Or
I don't think like you and Brent around the autism spectrum,
but you both do have sensory issues with certain textures
of food. Yeah. Um, tomatoes, tomatoes, you get them away.
(20:23):
I love tomato sauce, but just the form of a tomato,
I can't well. And I heard um our nephew and
your brother expressed the same thing over the weekend, and
I was like, this definitely feels like some kind of
genetic I've met now a lot of people that feel
that way about tomatoes specifically anyway. Okay, so it says um,
(20:43):
other kids may exhibit rigidity and resistance to change the
ideas that sometimes they want the plate to look a
certain way or the same way every day. Can I
just say that I've fallen in love with pretts. Pret Uh.
They have this box that's just a colorful foods and
(21:04):
it's salmon. It's like the healthiest quick thing with what
I'm trying to eat salmon, kuenwa, mangoes, avocado, and something
that's pink. It's like superfoods, superfoods, but it's it's presented
in a rainbow, and I really like a rainbow. Okay,
(21:24):
these tips are good for you. I guess I'm a child. Um.
And then lastly it said less common among all these
is anxiety or obsessive compulsive disorder manifesting as picky eating. Um.
So uh. Then I wanted to talk about some of
the tips they had. They said, Um, it helps to
(21:47):
reframe picky eating as brave eating, which is when these
kids are encountering these foods that are difficult for them,
you frame it as them being brave. Oh man, we
witnessed that this week. Were with with Drake So, our
nephew who's um eight Um he's around eight yeah, around eight.
Um he's born ten uh he's about or nine. Um.
(22:13):
We were we went to this like outdoor drinks and
oysters place, the place that gets the oysters right right,
out of the bay and we're all hanging out and
my brother's son was there and we're having oysters. He's like,
what is that? And oysters are gross looking. Um. I
certainly wouldn't try them as a kid. I didn't try
(22:34):
them toil as an adult. And uh my brother Michael
was like, yeah, Drake, you want to try this. He's like,
I don't know, and he's like he's basically said, you can.
You can tell your older brother that you ate this.
And he turned it into a competition and Drake looked
at it and you see him shaking. He's like trying second.
(22:54):
But the found it. The funny thing was he was
more afraid of the cocktail sauce than he was the oyster,
and he wouldn't put any sauce or anything on it.
I was like, yeah, put some cocktail sauce. But that
kind of makes sense to me because like, horse strategy
for an eight year old is not that's anyway he
did it. Um okay, So here some other tips. Um.
(23:17):
They said kids are more likely to eat food they
select and prepare, So involve your child and meal planning,
prep and cooking whenever possible. But yeah, that's I think
that's totally true. If we let them sort of be
a part of that process, they're more excited. I try
to at least try it, and then they spit it out. Yeah,
they always want to see what I'm doing in the kitchen,
(23:37):
and a lot of times I'm just like, just get
out here so i can get it done. But I
know if it's a little something they might not like,
definitely put them up in the counter. But I'm watching me. Um.
And another thing, an expert in the article says, the
goal is pleasant meal times, not getting your child. Your
child to eat fruits and vegetables. So she's saying, don't
try to manipulate them too much during meal time because
(24:00):
then it just creates this like pressurized environment. Um. The
ritual of dinner was always a big deal in our family,
and I think for many our parents generation is very
like you get what you get, you don't get upset,
and it's very like they had a very rigid way
of being raised compared to subsequent generations. But there was
(24:26):
a lot of rules. But I have such fond memories
of of the dinner table because it was the we'd
do trivia games and we'd talk and it was positive time.
And I think that's something that you just said in
there of that like dinner time, which a lot of
times we don't one of us is missing for the week.
(24:48):
But the time I have Brandon Maven at the table
and I've made dinner and then we talk and do
bits and make fart jokes, I'm like, Oh, make this
a desirable experience and try not to be to nit
picky about eating. Well maybe and Bryn both tried lobster
over the weekend and Bryan, I think spit it out,
(25:09):
mayven ate multiple pieces of it. She was like, it
is delicious. She's also my little beach baby. So did
either of our kids try the steamers the clams? No,
I don't think so. Boy, that's something I'm shocked I
liked as a kid. But again, that was the type
(25:30):
of thing. So we go to Massachusetts and we'd we'd
cook lobsters and do steamers. Just these clams and they're
disgusting looking. You open them up and it's like a
little stomach and a neck and they pull the thing
off and you dip it in water and butter and
you eat it. And I was really picky eater. But
the ritual of it, I think mostly because my grandfather
(25:52):
would be standing there, who is like, you know, life
of the party, holding court, telling jokes. I was like,
I want to be up at that counter because it
was always on the counter before. When they do try
weird stuff, it is usually because they're like watching us,
like they want the behavior you model is what they
will eventually sort of hopefully copy. Um. And then the
(26:16):
final point of this article was just saying that, um,
you know, the majority of these cases of picky eating
are not really in any way dangerous to your kid
and are not really going to hurt them very much nutritionally.
It says you should only worry if your pediatrician is
diagnosing your child with insufficient weight gain and you know,
(26:37):
raising the alarm bells for you, and then you can
you know, find ways to try to adjust as necessary. Yeah,
we've also talked about this before a while back, that
a lot of times it's about just continuing to give
to serve them certain foods and it might take a
bunch of time for them to just get used to
it to actually start eating it. Even if you give
(26:59):
them broccoli or whatever and they don't eat it, keep
giving it to them and it becomes normalized. Yeah, keep
eating it and keep getting ripped, keep getting ripped. Blah blah.
Boy alcohol stuff's nuts, Beth, you're feeling it. No, I
(27:19):
don't think I drank as much as you. I'm a monster.
This next segment is called Listeners Want to Knows, where
we take some questions and comments from you guys, the listeners.
It's time to open up the voicemail bag. We haven't
(27:44):
done a voicemail in a while, well because you never
want to let me plug the voicemail phone number. It's
it's true. Is it true? You went through a long
period of denying that it was a viable option. I
think my argument was just plugged the website. People won't
remember a phone number, right, But you did the same
(28:04):
thing with our live show, and then you learned the
lesson of people need to direct the links and numbers
for things. That's fair. You might be right. Okay, so
I'm gonna play the voicemail. This is a nice I
really liked this. This is just a really simple This
is actually a we Knows win um from our listener.
(28:25):
And so, uh, you know what, listeners, I encourage you
if you have a personal we Knows win or we
don't knows not a voicemail here we go. Hi, This
is Carrie from Portland, Oregon, and I wanted to share
my we knows win of the week. My three year
old just jumped a big glass of smoothie juice all
(28:48):
over the floor, and instead of getting mad, I just said, calmly, well,
it looks like we've got to clean that up. And
she cleaned it all up all by herself and no
one got mad. So I'm feeling really good about that one.
I love the podcast. Thanks you guys by carry good
for you. That's great. I feel like that's been a
(29:08):
real lesson for me as a parent and just sort
of an adult in the world of like realizing like, oh,
I get to decide my reaction to this, Like it
might be incredibly annoying, but I do have some control
over how I feel about it, and I can choose
the path of least persistence. You can choose to move on.
(29:31):
I mean, some days are harder than others, and sometimes
we have beta blockers coursing through our veins, but sometimes
they're still they're not totally out yet. But um, but yeah,
when uh on the days when you can roll with it,
that's awesome, great work. And it is that like they're
more likely to help out when you just go okay, alright,
(29:53):
so we should be more careful next time. Let's clean up. Yeah.
I'm trying to be calm about being like okay, we've
got to clean this up and just showing them how
it delays the playtime, Like I'm like, no, I can't
help you play the game because we got to clean
this up. And hopefully the lesson there is like, well,
I guess I shouldn't make a huge mess if I'm
(30:14):
impatient to play boy. Have you seen our living room
right now? Yeah, it's a it's a mess. It's a mess,
but there's a lot of credit. I found out I had, Ah,
there's a deadline for something today. I simply forgot about it,
and so I was like, I felt so bads, like
can we read these books before dinner? And he literally
(30:34):
said to me, you don't have to do work, do you?
And I was like no, I'm all yours. And I
was like the first time he's ever asked me that.
That's funny. And then I got to see me and
I'm like, oh shoot, and he's like, are you gonna
read to me, and I'm like, brand I am so sorry.
I have to work, and I'm like, had a cruise
to get it done before bedtime. Well, that's the funny
thing about coming back from the trip is like, like
(30:56):
you said, they do kind of change on the trip
and they're getting into so many things and exploring so
much on vacation that then they come home and they
do kind of like approach things with a new lens
and they're taking out all the toys, which in a
way is good because I feel like they're moving from
activity to activity and not like just watching TV or whatever,
you know, but it's it's a huge mess. Boy. So
(31:18):
he got the Brio trains out and he came in
while I was working. He's like, Daddy, can you help
me with the trains? And this is after I said
I can't do anything. I have to work. I'm in here,
and I sort of like took a breath trying to
I was like literally couldn't even talk to him because
I needed to get this done so fast. And then
I saw him just realize all of that and go,
(31:41):
you know what, I'm gonna ask Maven to help me,
and then just left. Wow, that's crazy. I was like,
he did that for me because he knows maybe he
can't may even can't do that train tracks. Come on,
She's pretty good boy. She annoyed me to night just
a little bit. So you know how she she's not
(32:04):
learning her letters and numbers, like Brended, Well, you mean
because we didn't teach them to her. Yeah, well, I'm
trying to do it. I'm trying to keep a nice
in cash. But I'll point it out in the book
and Brin will like spoil it, and Maven is not
even trying to remember, She's just waiting for Brinn to
say it, and then she'll say it to get a laugh.
So I'm like, what's this letter? And she's like Jay
(32:27):
like no, and then she's not even trying, and I'm like,
I just need to leave it alone. But then I
do it again. I'm like, no to Jay, can you
sing the alphabet? And she goes, Jay, I'm like, you're
not even trying. And I really relate to her sense
of humor there though, just it really does feel like
(32:48):
you when I'm like, oh, this is fun, but also
I want to explain to you a thing that I
know and you're like okay, Well, I'm gonna sunk this
up for you because I know it's like, what's that
you're looking for specific reaction? I'm going to give you
anything else. Um, it's a sign of intelligence. She's smart,
(33:10):
not about numbers. She calls letters numbers idiots. Well brended
that up until very recently. Anyway, you want to hear
another voicemail. All right, this one is a reaction. Okay,
this voicemail think is really funny for a couple of reasons. One,
remember when I complained about drinking water. I got a
(33:33):
lot of emails from people explaining why I need to
drink a lot of water. And I also a lot
of people defending me and being like, you don't need
to drink so much water. It's a conspiracy. Oh my god,
the anti water people are really I appreciate shooting themselves
on the foot. Well, it wasn't that. It was the
(33:55):
it wasn't don't drink water. It was the overhyping of
how much people to have pians about how being like
you don't need that much food, you don't need that
much medicine, Like it's just like, just let something be
a good thing and relax. If people are overdoing it
a little bit, all right. It's like this is very
predictable reaction from both of us. By the way, I've
(34:17):
been drinking a lot of water, and I I don't
know how I feel because they're drugs, but uh, this
person is writing it about water in very interesting context.
And then at the very end, apparently I think there's
a time limit on these voicemails because this one gets
cut off, and I think just the funniest way possible.
(34:39):
Uh So here we go. Hello, Bevan Peter. My name
is Stacy. I am from Moresville, Indiana, and I have
been listening to you guys since day one. I learned
about your podcast from stuff you shouldn't know, and I
(35:01):
think you guys are wonderful. I truly do. I wanted
to chime in on the water topic. And I know
you're saying, Peter, don't fucking tell me to drink water,
not telling you to drink water. I am telling you.
I used the divide your weight by two method for
your fluid ounces as well, and it is very helpful.
(35:25):
So I work in the um operating room at a
local hospital and you don't get to drink, and if
you do drink before cases then you run the risk
of peeing your pants. And on the occasion that I
do drink between cases, I know to put on a
gigantic pad equivalent to a newspaper between my legs because
(35:49):
I will dribble. I have three children h m hm,
one of which the last one was over ten pounds,
and it's just part of that's just par for the course.
So anyway, when I get out of work for the
day and and take that for a drink of water,
(36:11):
I can literally feel my eyeballs swell, and my body
feels like this raisin that had been drying in laminated
airflow all day, and it just feels glorious. However, I
was not always like that. I used to not like
(36:34):
the taste of water. I was one of those people
that said that I have come to learn it's not
that I don't like the taste. It has to be
the right temperature. If water is cold, I don't like it.
I don't have sensitive teeth, I don't have a sensitive
esophagus or anything of that nature. But there's something about
(36:56):
warm water that feels more lubricating. How I suppose it's
just better. So maybe if you are interested in increasing
your water intake. Try a different temperature. Even hot water
(37:18):
tastes good to me, like the temperature of teeth or
coffee tastes better to me than ice cold water. Secondly,
I have a would who knows scenario. Neither of my
sons are circumcised. That was my ex husband and it's
(37:44):
cut off. I'm sorry. Cut off was not the right
term I should have used for a circumcision moment. Insensitive.
I'm so sorry. Have you heard about the circumstances circumcision?
Like activists like the men who believe that their foreskin
was stolen from them in childhood and they're really angry
(38:06):
about it. I mean, I understand that feeling. I've had
that thought. But you know what, move on. I mean,
I think it's like a relevant point. It's just any
kind of like extremist group where they're just like the
level of rage is a little bit out of control. Um.
But they occasionally will have like vans set up in Manhattan,
(38:29):
like it's like a whole movement, Like it's crazy. Um,
that's how you're that's how you're gonna spend your time. Yeah,
I guess so. Boy. Anyway to respond to Stacy, I
like a cold glass of water? What's your water to?
That was an interesting thought something I've never thought. Occasionally
will enjoy a cold glass of water, but my go
(38:52):
to is just to fill up water and chug it
as fast as possible. Our bathroom sink tends to have
cold water immediately, and so I like to fill it
up in there. Oh yeah, my life hack, big. How
(39:14):
would you tell me? How would you do in an
operating room? How would I do in an operator I mean,
I'd slap on that diaper every day, because well, I
just don't think i'd be, you know, a functioning at
an optimal level if I'm not hydrated and that does
require peeing. Put on that pull up. Um. It just
(39:36):
reminds me of that story of that crazed astronaut woman
that was shoving across multiple states to try to murder
her boyfriend. She wore a diaper, and she wore a diaper.
That's in a ben Fold song, is it? Yeah, let's
listen to it after this this has been listeners. Oh
(39:58):
but woun well for fall Stacy, please call her right
in and finish that. Would you know? Give us that foreskin?
Would you know? Because you gave us foreskin, you give
a circumcision, and you gave us ex husband and it
cut off, and I am intrigued. The context is already great.
I have some guesses. Do we want to guess what
(40:19):
it is? I mean, ex husband leads me to believe
that her ex husband was like somewhat insecure about his
son's penis not matching his or something like that. Probably
a good guess. Anyway, my brave for having my son's
penis not match mine. You are brave. Let's break the cycle.
(40:39):
Let's not steal our son's foreskin away before he has
the time to Oh my god, I didn't tell you this.
I explained for skin to him, did you. Yeah? He
was sitting so we took We have an outdoor shower
on vacation, and after we came back from the beach,
I put him in there and clean off, and then
he went to go sit on a step. I was.
(40:59):
I took a shower, and then I came out and
he was sitting there looking at his penis and he
was completely pulled back the foreskin and he's like putting
pieces together. He's like, damn, what's this? And I'm like, well,
you know what that is? Um? That skin? It's called foreskin.
But and like people came up. Wh didn't get into it,
(41:22):
but I could see his little mind being blown. I
think recognizing that his penis looked like other penises. That
is interesting because he was around his little cousin's penis
a little bit this weekend. It's not the same. Yeah,
it's not the same. I don't know how it feels
about it. Maybe, but you know what, it'll come up again.
(41:44):
It will definitely come up again. M hm. Anyway, tell
us about your force. We've got to find a children's
book about for skins. Can you explain this for us? Hi?
I'm foury the foreskin? No, don't write that book. I
think I should write that book, honestly, Actually, you know what,
Beth write that book. I don't think the whole book
(42:06):
should be above foreskin. I just I do think, having
had the discussion we've been having about sex books for kids,
like an update is an order, and if there was
a page on foreskin, I don't think it would be
unwelcome to children. No, they want to know, kitties wanted
the penises. Wants to knows, but penises, but the penises.
(42:40):
This next segment is called would you knows? It's where
we present each other with parenting hypotheticals. And this week
we've got one from one of our listeners, bo boopop Bob.
That's would you knows foghorn not foghorn bullhorn? Foreskin? What
(43:01):
you know is foreskin. This one comes to us from Jordan's.
Jordan says, Hey, Beth and Peter, I love y'all's podcast.
My name is Jordan, and I have a one and
a half year old boy who keeps me on my
toes every day smiling face emoji with one sweat drop. Anyways,
(43:21):
I have what you knows for you. Both of your
children are born with tails, which bring them great knowledge
and good luck, but they get ridiculed about them at
school every day. Would you keep their tails or get
them removed to present to prevent the ridicule. This is
like the perfect foreskin analogy. Thank you. Oh my god,
(43:44):
it is so bizarre. I mean, the proof is in
the pudding. Just come take a look at ourselves. Foreskin.
We keep those tails. We're gonna keep those tails. With
great foreskin comes great knowledge and responsibility. Yeah. Well I
read this and I thought about Maven's two webbed toes.
(44:06):
Oh yeah, because you feel very strongly, as do I,
but you feel stronger that, like, we don't mess with
those toes. Those toes are perfect. Yeah, because it means
she's magic. She's a little bit um. I mean, if
she wanted to do something about it. Cool. If Brita
becomes a belt wants to cut off his foreskin, fine,
at least he knows what getting into. You're gonna talk
(44:29):
him out of that. I'm like, you're gonna cut off
part of your opinions. I don't think you will want
to know I but anyway, and I don't think even
will want to cut her web toes. I think she's
more likely. No, I could just see a self conscious
teenager being like, take care of my weird toes, although
not after I'm done with her. Um. Now, when I'm
(44:54):
done with she's in this amazing phase now that I
hope last forever, where she's like she think she's gorgeous,
and she thinks her outfits are beautiful and she loves
as She's like, I'm a beautiful princess. You're admiring. Willis
her second cousin. She met ear rings. Oh I did
(45:18):
not see her. She would clip on ear rings and
Maven was like, what, because you don't really wear ear rings. No,
I don't know if Mayven is really aware that conscious
about ear rings. And she saw them, she's like, jewels
on her ears, yes, please anything glittery and girly, like
because she's are Her cousin had a toy like Barbie
(45:42):
Mermaid and Maven was like, I need that. Like she's
just she's so excited by those kind of flashy, glittering
stereotypical It's like, again we said a million times, we're like,
we know what, we're not gonna We're not gonna push
the gendered things on our kids, but they find them. Yeah,
(46:04):
but brain has really been feeling his sort of colorful
phase later. Yeah, he's he's not rigid. He likes his
pink rocks. Yeah, he's been wearing those pink rocks that
we don't remember who gave to us. Um, we have them.
They're too big for both our kids. They fit him,
um um. And he's been wearing his rainbow sneakers and
(46:28):
yeah they're too small. He's wearing the necklaces he got
at the parade. He had a barrette face. Um. Yeah,
it's just Mayven who's more rigid in her gender, in
her gender identity. UM, so okay, So well, I have
(46:50):
a few questions about these tails. They bring them, what
they say, great knowledge, which brings them great knowledge and
good luck. I saw a man today in a dress
shirt like a you know, like a blue and white
striped dress shirt like baby blue, and it had like
pink ruffles all down the front where the buttons were
(47:12):
like as like a seven late sixties James Bond tuxedo,
sort of classier. Um, and it really made me so
happy in this way of like, my kids are going
to grow up in this world where like, regardless of
how they identify, they that's an option for them that
(47:32):
people will not bat and I like, you know what
I mean, like down shirts. Yeah, Like Britain can grow
up to where that like and it's just going to
be a world where people are not going to be
like obsessing over it, you know what you mean? Like,
I mean that's also uh late sixties. No, it's not
(47:54):
the same as late sixties. You're right, you're right, because
it will be normal be not normal. Well, I don't
really know what you're saying. Do not cut off the tails?
How do I know they bring good luck and knowledge.
You know what I'm gonna say, details, We need details.
(48:15):
Jordan's what does it mean? Knowledge and good luck? And boy,
how do we know that? Because if we're gonna cut
them off, we probably would have done it where they
were born. Do you mean what does it mean? Knowledge
and good luck? He says? The tails bring knowledge and
good luck? What what kind of knowledge? How do we
recognize that they have good luck? And how do we
(48:36):
know that it's from the tails? It's self knowledge? If
my kids had as a tail um when they're born,
that's something I'd say, let's take care of that. What
do you think do you think they'd make them magical?
(48:58):
He said? It brings some knowledge and good Now, I'm
just talking about in real life if one of our
kids had been born at the tail if it's a
magical tale like he's describing the way he's describing it,
it's not the kind of tales that people are actually
born within this world, which are like digital like tailbone.
(49:19):
So this one is like glowing, Yeah, this one's probably
like beautiful foxtail pink like the gleamers that we have. Yes,
we've got these toys called gleamers. They're like lemurs, but
they have glowy tales. I'm sure this is like a gorgeous,
colorful tale and when you see it, you can feel
the magic and it brings a light into the room.
(49:42):
It is so much like a Doctor SEUs like fairy
tale type of thing of like having this like beautiful
magical quality or trait and then people trying to like
stamp it out. And it's such an appropriate metaphor for
the world we live in. Um, so we'd keep the
(50:02):
foreskin on, I mean the tail right, Yeah, he can
always pull it back. Take a look. This has been
would your nose? This has been another episode We Knows Parenting. Oh,
please right in or leave us a voicemail. Yes, you
(50:24):
can email us at we Knows pod at gmail dot
com or leave a voicemail at three four seven three
eight four seven three nine six. Yeah, and like our
our one of our listeners this week, if you want
to just tell us one of your victories, your parenting
victories that we knows when or we don't knows, what's
what's hard or would you know anything you want to share?
(50:46):
You know, your struggles for successes. We want to hear
it all. Rate review and subscribe, yeah, and find us
on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter at we Knows Pod and
please do us a favor and have a great week. Yeah. Yeah,
I got. Hello, welcome to We Knows Parenting. I'm Beth Newall,
I'm Peter McNerney. You know us. We're coming back to
you after a few days of vacation. Um, yep, we're
releasing this a day late. Are we going to tell
(00:31):
them what happened? Um? Yes, yes, without getting into it,
so it happens again. But um hm, who's who? Who's
going to tell this story? So we recorded last night
and we didn't we attempted to record. We recorded a
long intro that luckily none of you will ever have
(00:54):
to listen to, because it was us arguing about, uh,
the truth of another argument we had had. Um the
big thing that made it worse than normal, you know,
And you've listened to the podcast, unless, of course you haven't,
in which case you've heard us at each other's throats
(01:17):
on this podcast and we record last minute so we
can't get out of it. Yeah, okay, So the big
thing for you all to be aware of is that
we had a lovely vacation, very uh uneventful. But as
you said on last week's podcast, you started taking this
medication for your blood pressure, which is a beta blocker,
(01:38):
and it was altering your mood and making you lash
out at me, and so then I got very very angry,
very quickly, very unexpectedly, and turned into a very bad man. Right,
So then you cut the dose in half, and then
we had a pretty calm week for the most part.
And then when we were driving home, I said something
(01:59):
to you and you flipped out, and then we both
parted ways because you had to go to work. And
then we started discussing it on the podcast, and I
thought we were on the same page about what had happened.
And then when the rage came back, you had another
rage episode and the sin you have since last night
(02:19):
decided to discontinue using this medication. I think this was
a solid choice. Yeah, um, yeah, it was. It's a
It was a real bad week, except for the vacation
in the middle. I guess it was great. I went
in saying the first three days of this medication cut
in half, and I'm like, okay, I think I've settled
into it. Feel good. I really had a lovely vacation.
(02:43):
And then on the way back, my brain snapped and
it was very scary, and I did not like myself
or anything, or the world or life or anything. I
think you'd call it depression. Uh, albeit a very identifiable
like I know that there's just weird chemicals in my brain,
(03:04):
and I know where this is coming from, and I
know I can end it. And when you would get
mad at me, it was like zero to sixty, like
you would just immediately launch into saying that I was
the worst person ever. Got a little hyperbolic. Yeah, a
little bit. I got very mean, and I I just
(03:25):
wanted to hurt your feelings. I mean, I think you're
lucky that I knew when you were saying these things
that I I'm pretty sure you don't believe those things.
We haven't had time, but for the record, I don't
believe those things. But it's still not fun to hear.
Like my reaction to it is like, Okay, I'm not
(03:48):
going to engage with this, you're not behaving rationally. But
after the fact, what I wanted to unpack was that
I don't think it's acceptable to say those things, and
I don't want should be spoken to that way. I
think that I think that's fair. Um, I know what
that feels like. I mean, you never rage lashed out
(04:09):
at me, but like you've been mad and you've you've
said things that I felt were hyperbolic and not fair enough.
That's not really my style though, to be hyperbolic. My
style is to say something that's too true and cutting.
You do say you always a lot, and that that
(04:31):
annoys me. I have to because I'm like, well, that's
not true in my mind. It is, well, I know
it in your mind, but I'm like, huh, examples, you've
gotten better at that. You still do that sometimes, but
I can't imagine you doing that while also going insane
and being scary and loud and threatening. Well, I think
(04:53):
it was frustrating about it for me, and I kind
of told you this last night. Is I feel like
there's a double standard in terms of how enraged I'm
allowed to get. And if I was reacting this way,
it would be like all over for us, Like it
would just spiral out of control very quickly. And I've
(05:15):
seen you get that way, but not like that, because
I over the last few years, I have had a
number of instances where I was either stressed or depressed,
or hormonal or experiencing thyroid cancer and a deteriorating thyroid
where my body was like literally shutting down, and I
(05:39):
remember having moments where I knew there was something wrong
with my body or my brain. And I remember one
time I came home I felt horrible. This was before
I was diagnosed with the thyroid cancer, so I didn't
quite know why, but I thought I thought I was
experiencing weaning hormones and I was filled with this national rage.
(06:01):
And I remember sitting on the couch and turning to
you and saying, I feel an uncontrollable rage. I need
you to just not talk to me at all. I
need you to just stay away from me. This is
not like this year. This is not a rational person
you're dealing with. And I tried to say it as
calmly as possible, because I was like, I am a
(06:23):
taking time bomb. And you went in the other room
and then a few minutes later you came back and
you said, you know what, I don't appreciate being spoken
to or whatever, and you just poked the bear, and
I don't like. I feel like this is not all women,
(06:45):
but I feel like sometimes as women, like we are
expected to keep our cool in a way that men
don't have to. Um, I don't remember this, so I'm
not going to try to defend myself. YEAHM Um, so
I'm not going to poke the bear. I'm gonna let
(07:07):
that be. Well. I just want to commend myself for
doing a pretty good job of keeping calm during this week.
Well I watched you write out this medication. Um. Yeah,
And so we tried to record a podcast while I
was going crazy and it led to a long night
(07:27):
of I almost I had something happened to me that
I've never experienced before, which was like like hyperventilating and
just laying on the floor for fifteen minutes. That was weird. Um,
but We're we're through it. I stopped taking that thing.
I still I still feel weird, but I've been a
(07:49):
whole day without it. I'm like, I feel like myself
a little bit. And uh, well, whatever it's doing is
I mean, this is probably an indication that you're brain
chemistry is not a good match for beta blockers. And
so I called the doctor and I was like, listen,
I'm off of this. Let's reassess in January. And I'm gonna,
(08:10):
like I have that much time to you know, get
get ripped, and by ripped I mean healthy and uh boy,
this if there ever was a motivation to like do
it right, it's like, well, I don't want to feel
like that ever. Again. Not nothing's worth it. No cheeseburger
is worth that. Should we do before and after photos
(08:33):
of your ripped body for the podcast? Yeah, I'm committing
to you all right now. In six months, I'm gonna
be ripped. I'm gonna get swollen. Is that what people say?
I hated saying that just now. I'll never say that again.
You're not allowed to say that. I don't. I didn't
like it yet anyway, Beth, Anyway, were I love you.
(08:58):
You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. We
really got into some things last night. Um um, we
we got I got some work to do. I think
it was, as usual, ultimately a productive incident. I think
i'd really do things. Of course, us to communicate some things.
We said some real some real ship to each other.
(09:20):
And I just want you to know that we both did.
Oh boy, just what do you I didn't say any
real real things. Oh I thought you meant like bad ship.
Oh no, no, I mean we said some honest things
to each other that were like scary and and uh
(09:41):
and real. But at the moment it was really scary
and in the morning I thought about it. I was like,
there's truth to these things, but I'm really excited two
to like lean into them instead of you know, leaning away. Yeah,
I of you. That's all anyway, thank you. UM. Our
(10:04):
vacation so we went on a family vacation with my vacation,
with my vacation, with my vacation with my family, and
Brendan Maven got to spend a week with their four cousins,
two older and two in between them. So we had
two ages to three for almost five no no no, no,
(10:24):
two three three, almost twelve, jumped down, turn around. Um
and boy, it's so it seems like, do you do
you find this, Beth, that when we go on vacation
with our kids and around other kids, it seems like
they suddenly grow up a year in a week. Is that?
(10:47):
Does that actually happen? Do they develop quickly because they're
around those kids or is it just the first time
we spend a week watching them and we haven't noticed
that they've already grown up? Um? I have definitely noticed
that in certain situations. I guess I didn't notice that
as much this week, but they definitely felt like they
were enjoying themselves a lot and like enjoying their freedom.
(11:08):
In the past, it would be like we'd go to
your mom's house and she'd like teach them how to
climb up on the counters or something and be like, oh, okay,
now we do this now. Like they do like they
do always tend to pick something up a family trip
um for better or worse. The big thing is day one.
(11:31):
I was like, you don't go on the road. That
is a big rule. You don't go in the bush,
you don't go in the basement. And they follow those rules. Yeah,
that was pretty cool. They also like they're getting more
comfortable in the water may even especially it was like
sort of like walking around in the water without her
floaties on, and you know, she occasionally flipped over and
(11:54):
got water up her nose, but she's sort of you
could see her like ready to learn her swim almost.
She's just she loves the water and I love so
where where this house is, there's these really when it's
low tide, there's these huge mud flats that go on
for a long way, so you can just wander around
(12:18):
on the mud flats and digging up horseshoe crabs, and
it's the it's perfect for little kids to like go
wait into this really shallow water and dig up crabs
and snails and and because I like the beach, but
I don't love the beach like you like I don't
love sitting just sitting in the sand. And it was
(12:39):
it was anything where everyone was happy. Anytime anyone disparages
the beach, it just feels like a knife to my heart.
I love the beach, I just can't do I'm not
quite as like I'm gonna sit on the beach all
day type of person. I love it, I know, but
this the options of high tide, load tide, the boat,
(13:02):
the beach, the digging, the walking back. Everyone could do
what they wanted all the time, and it was great. Well,
but the thing is like when Maven Springer what she
wants and she's like floating around the beach and in
the water and stuff, like she's pretty happy and like
she's happy to go to her own world a little bit.
And Brin is like back at the house just over
(13:26):
stimulating himself to the max, like chasing his cousins, trying
to sneak sugar, like just NonStop stimulation, like all that
he can get and then he crashes. We had some
big crashes can So they've been home for two days
now and they've gone back to daycare, but Bryn is
(13:47):
not going to pre kick because it's the summer, so
he's taking naps. The last two days they've been perfect
children bedtime in the morning. Could you believe this morning
Bryn walks into a him and wakes us up, and
we were very tired because we're up very late fighting
and he goes, mommy, daddy. I got dressed, and granted
(14:09):
he was wearing he was wearing full sweatpants and a
long sleeve T shirt like wind pants. Uh along, he
has eighty eight degrees today. Yeah, I noticed he so
we told told him had to change and he eventually
came around, but he did his usual resistance thing. And
I've noticed lately he's become very sensitive to criticism. And
(14:33):
he was like he said something this morning like where
he was like, well, I made a mistake or like
I messed up or something. And when we were on vacation,
I was trying to explain to him that he couldn't
do something like I can't remember what it was, but
I was like, you have to listen or like not
hurt people or something and we're walking alone, and I
(14:55):
had this nice moment with him, but he was so
like vulnerable, cause he was like, I try not to
do that, but then I just ruin it. And he
like it was kind of the same thing that you have,
was just like just like poor impulse control sometimes. And
I had like a nice moment with him where I
(15:15):
like hugged him and I was like, I still love
you if you make mistakes, but I need you to
try not to do and he was like, and he
kept just being like, but then I try, and sometimes
I just ruin it. This I've been getting a little
bit of that with him, and I've I've been making
(15:35):
a point of just going you'll get it next time. Yeah,
it's good, that's right. That's why I'm trying to calmly
focus on the objective and not be like angry. Yeah, yeah,
I find it when I get into the sort of
what you just said. But but more stern is that like,
we gotta you gotta stop doing this. Then it's more
(15:59):
likely to happen again, as opposed to this just like
oh it's okay, we'll have another chance, We'll get it
next time. Right. Actually, today I picked him up and
he goes, daddy, guess what. He's like, I didn't hurt
anyone today. And I listened and it was like great,
and I wanted to be like, when did you hurt somebody?
(16:21):
I was like, I'm just gonna focus on the positive here. Yeah, well,
I was impressive about this morning with the pants and
the long sleeves. He was clearly disappointed, and he was
like wanted us to be proud of his outfit. But
then he did, kind of without arguing too much, walk
back in the other room and come back wearing shorts
and a T shirt. I was more shocked by that.
I was so shocked. I was like, wow, you know
(16:43):
why because we were too tired, because we were like, yeah,
it's gonna really you have to change in shorts. He's
like no, and I'm like it's gonna be really hot today,
and he's like, I don't want to. And then both
of us just shut up because we were too tired,
and we were both realized like, Okay, we're gonna have
to go change him, but we're gonna lay here because
it's early. And then in that time, because we weren't pushing,
he just just had time to himself and he went
(17:05):
and did it right. I have been to daycare on
time two days in a row. It's a miracle. Also
picked up. I went to pick maybe up today and
she was wearing somebody else's clothes. All of her clothes
were somebody else's, and one of the other girls there
(17:26):
was wearing one of Britten shirts. I haven't seen in months.
That's really funny. I think they had a sprinkler day
and no one had bathing suits. Yeah. Well last summer
they told us to bring bathing suits, and then this
summer they didn't. She told me yes this morning, but
they also didn't ask for sunblock this year. I brought some. Yeah,
they're clearly outside. I do kind of like how how
(17:48):
much they don't care about getting us the right clothes
back though, It's like yeah, I'm like, as long as
you don't care that I don't bring extra clothes, I
don't care if people use our clothes. Yeah, as long
as we're all in agreement that this is just gonna happen. Yeah,
ALMOSM merely going, hey, that's brint shirt. Then I realized
the woman who's there one didn't speak English, and to
(18:12):
who cares? Yeah, can we just say before we end
this segment. You bought this beer alcohol and we split
it and I've had half of this glass. I'm feeling it, baby,
(18:32):
And now it's time for did you know this is
where we share something we've learned already about Beth got
a thing she'd gone I'll tell you now. Okay. So
this article is from New York Times Parenting section. It's
called Parents, Here's how to Avoid doing Battle with your
picky Eater. It's by Desha fill y'all. Um, I feel
(18:55):
you're so funny. Should going to call that? Um? Okay?
So it had some tips for dealing with picky eaters,
and I think it was just kind of interesting and
sort of laying out some of the reasons for picky
eating and how to deal with it. So it said, um,
(19:15):
it's helpful to understand what's driving your child's picky eating
because there's, you know, a variety of different reasons your
kid could be a picky eater. And so uh so,
one example, which we're very familiar with, is, uh when
your kid wants autonomy and there are a few foods
(19:37):
simply because they can and because they want control. The
other one says, picky eaters are simply being oppositional. It's
a power struggle they have with you. Um. Another reason
is that it could just be your child's temperament. If
you have a pessimistic child or they're going through a
pessimistic phase. Um, they think I'm not going to like
(19:59):
this going into it, and they need repeated exposure to
new foods. Um. Another issue could be that you have
a child on the autism spectrum with sensory issues. Or
I don't think like you and Brent around the autism spectrum,
but you both do have sensory issues with certain textures
of food. Yeah. Um, tomatoes, tomatoes, you get them away.
(20:23):
I love tomato sauce, but just the form of a tomato,
I can't well. And I heard um our nephew and
your brother expressed the same thing over the weekend, and
I was like, this definitely feels like some kind of
genetic I've met now a lot of people that feel
that way about tomatoes specifically anyway. Okay, so it says um,
(20:43):
other kids may exhibit rigidity and resistance to change the
ideas that sometimes they want the plate to look a
certain way or the same way every day. Can I
just say that I've fallen in love with pretts. Pret Uh.
They have this box that's just a colorful foods and
(21:04):
it's salmon. It's like the healthiest quick thing with what
I'm trying to eat salmon, kuenwa, mangoes, avocado, and something
that's pink. It's like superfoods, superfoods, but it's it's presented
in a rainbow, and I really like a rainbow. Okay,
(21:24):
these tips are good for you. I guess I'm a child. Um.
And then lastly it said less common among all these
is anxiety or obsessive compulsive disorder manifesting as picky eating. Um.
So uh. Then I wanted to talk about some of
the tips they had. They said, Um, it helps to
(21:47):
reframe picky eating as brave eating, which is when these
kids are encountering these foods that are difficult for them,
you frame it as them being brave. Oh man, we
witnessed that this week. Were with with Drake So, our
nephew who's um eight Um he's around eight yeah, around eight.
Um he's born ten uh he's about or nine. Um.
(22:13):
We were we went to this like outdoor drinks and
oysters place, the place that gets the oysters right right,
out of the bay and we're all hanging out and
my brother's son was there and we're having oysters. He's like,
what is that? And oysters are gross looking. Um. I
certainly wouldn't try them as a kid. I didn't try
(22:34):
them toil as an adult. And uh my brother Michael
was like, yeah, Drake, you want to try this. He's like,
I don't know, and he's like he's basically said, you can.
You can tell your older brother that you ate this.
And he turned it into a competition and Drake looked
at it and you see him shaking. He's like trying second.
(22:54):
But the found it. The funny thing was he was
more afraid of the cocktail sauce than he was the oyster,
and he wouldn't put any sauce or anything on it.
I was like, yeah, put some cocktail sauce. But that
kind of makes sense to me because like, horse strategy
for an eight year old is not that's anyway he
did it. Um okay, So here some other tips. Um.
(23:17):
They said kids are more likely to eat food they
select and prepare, So involve your child and meal planning,
prep and cooking whenever possible. But yeah, that's I think
that's totally true. If we let them sort of be
a part of that process, they're more excited. I try
to at least try it, and then they spit it out. Yeah,
they always want to see what I'm doing in the kitchen,
(23:37):
and a lot of times I'm just like, just get
out here so i can get it done. But I
know if it's a little something they might not like,
definitely put them up in the counter. But I'm watching me. Um.
And another thing, an expert in the article says, the
goal is pleasant meal times, not getting your child. Your
child to eat fruits and vegetables. So she's saying, don't
try to manipulate them too much during meal time because
(24:00):
then it just creates this like pressurized environment. Um. The
ritual of dinner was always a big deal in our family,
and I think for many our parents generation is very
like you get what you get, you don't get upset,
and it's very like they had a very rigid way
of being raised compared to subsequent generations. But there was
(24:26):
a lot of rules. But I have such fond memories
of of the dinner table because it was the we'd
do trivia games and we'd talk and it was positive time.
And I think that's something that you just said in
there of that like dinner time, which a lot of
times we don't one of us is missing for the week.
(24:48):
But the time I have Brandon Maven at the table
and I've made dinner and then we talk and do
bits and make fart jokes, I'm like, Oh, make this
a desirable experience and try not to be to nit
picky about eating. Well maybe and Bryn both tried lobster
over the weekend and Bryan, I think spit it out,
(25:09):
mayven ate multiple pieces of it. She was like, it
is delicious. She's also my little beach baby. So did
either of our kids try the steamers the clams? No,
I don't think so. Boy, that's something I'm shocked I
liked as a kid. But again, that was the type
(25:30):
of thing. So we go to Massachusetts and we'd we'd
cook lobsters and do steamers. Just these clams and they're
disgusting looking. You open them up and it's like a
little stomach and a neck and they pull the thing
off and you dip it in water and butter and
you eat it. And I was really picky eater. But
the ritual of it, I think mostly because my grandfather
(25:52):
would be standing there, who is like, you know, life
of the party, holding court, telling jokes. I was like,
I want to be up at that counter because it
was always on the counter before. When they do try
weird stuff, it is usually because they're like watching us,
like they want the behavior you model is what they
will eventually sort of hopefully copy. Um. And then the
(26:16):
final point of this article was just saying that, um,
you know, the majority of these cases of picky eating
are not really in any way dangerous to your kid
and are not really going to hurt them very much nutritionally.
It says you should only worry if your pediatrician is
diagnosing your child with insufficient weight gain and you know,
(26:37):
raising the alarm bells for you, and then you can
you know, find ways to try to adjust as necessary. Yeah,
we've also talked about this before a while back, that
a lot of times it's about just continuing to give
to serve them certain foods and it might take a
bunch of time for them to just get used to
it to actually start eating it. Even if you give
(26:59):
them broccoli or whatever and they don't eat it, keep
giving it to them and it becomes normalized. Yeah, keep
eating it and keep getting ripped, keep getting ripped. Blah blah.
Boy alcohol stuff's nuts, Beth, you're feeling it. No, I
(27:19):
don't think I drank as much as you. I'm a monster.
This next segment is called Listeners Want to Knows, where
we take some questions and comments from you guys, the listeners.
It's time to open up the voicemail bag. We haven't
(27:44):
done a voicemail in a while, well because you never
want to let me plug the voicemail phone number. It's
it's true. Is it true? You went through a long
period of denying that it was a viable option. I
think my argument was just plugged the website. People won't
remember a phone number, right, But you did the same
(28:04):
thing with our live show, and then you learned the
lesson of people need to direct the links and numbers
for things. That's fair. You might be right. Okay, so
I'm gonna play the voicemail. This is a nice I
really liked this. This is just a really simple This
is actually a we Knows win um from our listener.
(28:25):
And so, uh, you know what, listeners, I encourage you
if you have a personal we Knows win or we
don't knows not a voicemail here we go. Hi, This
is Carrie from Portland, Oregon, and I wanted to share
my we knows win of the week. My three year
old just jumped a big glass of smoothie juice all
(28:48):
over the floor, and instead of getting mad, I just said, calmly, well,
it looks like we've got to clean that up. And
she cleaned it all up all by herself and no
one got mad. So I'm feeling really good about that one.
I love the podcast. Thanks you guys by carry good
for you. That's great. I feel like that's been a
(29:08):
real lesson for me as a parent and just sort
of an adult in the world of like realizing like, oh,
I get to decide my reaction to this, Like it
might be incredibly annoying, but I do have some control
over how I feel about it, and I can choose
the path of least persistence. You can choose to move on.
(29:31):
I mean, some days are harder than others, and sometimes
we have beta blockers coursing through our veins, but sometimes
they're still they're not totally out yet. But um, but yeah,
when uh on the days when you can roll with it,
that's awesome, great work. And it is that like they're
more likely to help out when you just go okay, alright,
(29:53):
so we should be more careful next time. Let's clean up. Yeah.
I'm trying to be calm about being like okay, we've
got to clean this up and just showing them how
it delays the playtime, Like I'm like, no, I can't
help you play the game because we got to clean
this up. And hopefully the lesson there is like, well,
I guess I shouldn't make a huge mess if I'm
(30:14):
impatient to play boy. Have you seen our living room
right now? Yeah, it's a it's a mess. It's a mess,
but there's a lot of credit. I found out I had, Ah,
there's a deadline for something today. I simply forgot about it,
and so I was like, I felt so bads, like
can we read these books before dinner? And he literally
(30:34):
said to me, you don't have to do work, do you?
And I was like no, I'm all yours. And I
was like the first time he's ever asked me that.
That's funny. And then I got to see me and
I'm like, oh shoot, and he's like, are you gonna
read to me, and I'm like, brand I am so sorry.
I have to work, and I'm like, had a cruise
to get it done before bedtime. Well, that's the funny
thing about coming back from the trip is like, like
(30:56):
you said, they do kind of change on the trip
and they're getting into so many things and exploring so
much on vacation that then they come home and they
do kind of like approach things with a new lens
and they're taking out all the toys, which in a
way is good because I feel like they're moving from
activity to activity and not like just watching TV or whatever,
you know, but it's it's a huge mess. Boy. So
(31:18):
he got the Brio trains out and he came in
while I was working. He's like, Daddy, can you help
me with the trains? And this is after I said
I can't do anything. I have to work. I'm in here,
and I sort of like took a breath trying to
I was like literally couldn't even talk to him because
I needed to get this done so fast. And then
I saw him just realize all of that and go,
(31:41):
you know what, I'm gonna ask Maven to help me,
and then just left. Wow, that's crazy. I was like,
he did that for me because he knows maybe he
can't may even can't do that train tracks. Come on,
She's pretty good boy. She annoyed me to night just
a little bit. So you know how she she's not
(32:04):
learning her letters and numbers, like Brended, Well, you mean
because we didn't teach them to her. Yeah, well, I'm
trying to do it. I'm trying to keep a nice
in cash. But I'll point it out in the book
and Brin will like spoil it, and Maven is not
even trying to remember, She's just waiting for Brinn to
say it, and then she'll say it to get a laugh.
So I'm like, what's this letter? And she's like Jay
(32:27):
like no, and then she's not even trying, and I'm like,
I just need to leave it alone. But then I
do it again. I'm like, no to Jay, can you
sing the alphabet? And she goes, Jay, I'm like, you're
not even trying. And I really relate to her sense
of humor there though, just it really does feel like
(32:48):
you when I'm like, oh, this is fun, but also
I want to explain to you a thing that I
know and you're like okay, Well, I'm gonna sunk this
up for you because I know it's like, what's that
you're looking for specific reaction? I'm going to give you
anything else. Um, it's a sign of intelligence. She's smart,
(33:10):
not about numbers. She calls letters numbers idiots. Well brended
that up until very recently. Anyway, you want to hear
another voicemail. All right, this one is a reaction. Okay,
this voicemail think is really funny for a couple of reasons. One,
remember when I complained about drinking water. I got a
(33:33):
lot of emails from people explaining why I need to
drink a lot of water. And I also a lot
of people defending me and being like, you don't need
to drink so much water. It's a conspiracy. Oh my god,
the anti water people are really I appreciate shooting themselves
on the foot. Well, it wasn't that. It was the
(33:55):
it wasn't don't drink water. It was the overhyping of
how much people to have pians about how being like
you don't need that much food, you don't need that
much medicine, Like it's just like, just let something be
a good thing and relax. If people are overdoing it
a little bit, all right. It's like this is very
predictable reaction from both of us. By the way, I've
(34:17):
been drinking a lot of water, and I I don't
know how I feel because they're drugs, but uh, this
person is writing it about water in very interesting context.
And then at the very end, apparently I think there's
a time limit on these voicemails because this one gets
cut off, and I think just the funniest way possible.
(34:39):
Uh So here we go. Hello, Bevan Peter. My name
is Stacy. I am from Moresville, Indiana, and I have
been listening to you guys since day one. I learned
about your podcast from stuff you shouldn't know, and I
(35:01):
think you guys are wonderful. I truly do. I wanted
to chime in on the water topic. And I know
you're saying, Peter, don't fucking tell me to drink water,
not telling you to drink water. I am telling you.
I used the divide your weight by two method for
your fluid ounces as well, and it is very helpful.
(35:25):
So I work in the um operating room at a
local hospital and you don't get to drink, and if
you do drink before cases then you run the risk
of peeing your pants. And on the occasion that I
do drink between cases, I know to put on a
gigantic pad equivalent to a newspaper between my legs because
(35:49):
I will dribble. I have three children h m hm,
one of which the last one was over ten pounds,
and it's just part of that's just par for the course.
So anyway, when I get out of work for the
day and and take that for a drink of water,
(36:11):
I can literally feel my eyeballs swell, and my body
feels like this raisin that had been drying in laminated
airflow all day, and it just feels glorious. However, I
was not always like that. I used to not like
(36:34):
the taste of water. I was one of those people
that said that I have come to learn it's not
that I don't like the taste. It has to be
the right temperature. If water is cold, I don't like it.
I don't have sensitive teeth, I don't have a sensitive
esophagus or anything of that nature. But there's something about
(36:56):
warm water that feels more lubricating. How I suppose it's
just better. So maybe if you are interested in increasing
your water intake. Try a different temperature. Even hot water
(37:18):
tastes good to me, like the temperature of teeth or
coffee tastes better to me than ice cold water. Secondly,
I have a would who knows scenario. Neither of my
sons are circumcised. That was my ex husband and it's
(37:44):
cut off. I'm sorry. Cut off was not the right
term I should have used for a circumcision moment. Insensitive.
I'm so sorry. Have you heard about the circumstances circumcision?
Like activists like the men who believe that their foreskin
was stolen from them in childhood and they're really angry
(38:06):
about it. I mean, I understand that feeling. I've had
that thought. But you know what, move on. I mean,
I think it's like a relevant point. It's just any
kind of like extremist group where they're just like the
level of rage is a little bit out of control. Um.
But they occasionally will have like vans set up in Manhattan,
(38:29):
like it's like a whole movement, Like it's crazy. Um,
that's how you're that's how you're gonna spend your time. Yeah,
I guess so. Boy. Anyway to respond to Stacy, I
like a cold glass of water? What's your water to?
That was an interesting thought something I've never thought. Occasionally
will enjoy a cold glass of water, but my go
(38:52):
to is just to fill up water and chug it
as fast as possible. Our bathroom sink tends to have
cold water immediately, and so I like to fill it
up in there. Oh yeah, my life hack, big. How
(39:14):
would you tell me? How would you do in an
operating room? How would I do in an operator I mean,
I'd slap on that diaper every day, because well, I
just don't think i'd be, you know, a functioning at
an optimal level if I'm not hydrated and that does
require peeing. Put on that pull up. Um. It just
(39:36):
reminds me of that story of that crazed astronaut woman
that was shoving across multiple states to try to murder
her boyfriend. She wore a diaper, and she wore a diaper.
That's in a ben Fold song, is it? Yeah, let's
listen to it after this this has been listeners. Oh
(39:58):
but woun well for fall Stacy, please call her right
in and finish that. Would you know? Give us that foreskin?
Would you know? Because you gave us foreskin, you give
a circumcision, and you gave us ex husband and it
cut off, and I am intrigued. The context is already great.
I have some guesses. Do we want to guess what
(40:19):
it is? I mean, ex husband leads me to believe
that her ex husband was like somewhat insecure about his
son's penis not matching his or something like that. Probably
a good guess. Anyway, my brave for having my son's
penis not match mine. You are brave. Let's break the cycle.
(40:39):
Let's not steal our son's foreskin away before he has
the time to Oh my god, I didn't tell you this.
I explained for skin to him, did you. Yeah? He
was sitting so we took We have an outdoor shower
on vacation, and after we came back from the beach,
I put him in there and clean off, and then
he went to go sit on a step. I was.
(40:59):
I took a shower, and then I came out and
he was sitting there looking at his penis and he
was completely pulled back the foreskin and he's like putting
pieces together. He's like, damn, what's this? And I'm like, well,
you know what that is? Um? That skin? It's called foreskin.
But and like people came up. Wh didn't get into it,
(41:22):
but I could see his little mind being blown. I
think recognizing that his penis looked like other penises. That
is interesting because he was around his little cousin's penis
a little bit this weekend. It's not the same. Yeah,
it's not the same. I don't know how it feels
about it. Maybe, but you know what, it'll come up again.
(41:44):
It will definitely come up again. M hm. Anyway, tell
us about your force. We've got to find a children's
book about for skins. Can you explain this for us? Hi?
I'm foury the foreskin? No, don't write that book. I
think I should write that book, honestly, Actually, you know what,
Beth write that book. I don't think the whole book
(42:06):
should be above foreskin. I just I do think, having
had the discussion we've been having about sex books for kids,
like an update is an order, and if there was
a page on foreskin, I don't think it would be
unwelcome to children. No, they want to know, kitties wanted
the penises. Wants to knows, but penises, but the penises.
(42:40):
This next segment is called would you knows? It's where
we present each other with parenting hypotheticals. And this week
we've got one from one of our listeners, bo boopop Bob.
That's would you knows foghorn not foghorn bullhorn? Foreskin? What
(43:01):
you know is foreskin. This one comes to us from Jordan's.
Jordan says, Hey, Beth and Peter, I love y'all's podcast.
My name is Jordan, and I have a one and
a half year old boy who keeps me on my
toes every day smiling face emoji with one sweat drop. Anyways,
(43:21):
I have what you knows for you. Both of your
children are born with tails, which bring them great knowledge
and good luck, but they get ridiculed about them at
school every day. Would you keep their tails or get
them removed to present to prevent the ridicule. This is
like the perfect foreskin analogy. Thank you. Oh my god,
(43:44):
it is so bizarre. I mean, the proof is in
the pudding. Just come take a look at ourselves. Foreskin.
We keep those tails. We're gonna keep those tails. With
great foreskin comes great knowledge and responsibility. Yeah. Well I
read this and I thought about Maven's two webbed toes.
(44:06):
Oh yeah, because you feel very strongly, as do I,
but you feel stronger that, like, we don't mess with
those toes. Those toes are perfect. Yeah, because it means
she's magic. She's a little bit um. I mean, if
she wanted to do something about it. Cool. If Brita
becomes a belt wants to cut off his foreskin, fine,
at least he knows what getting into. You're gonna talk
(44:29):
him out of that. I'm like, you're gonna cut off
part of your opinions. I don't think you will want
to know I but anyway, and I don't think even
will want to cut her web toes. I think she's
more likely. No, I could just see a self conscious
teenager being like, take care of my weird toes, although
not after I'm done with her. Um. Now, when I'm
(44:54):
done with she's in this amazing phase now that I
hope last forever, where she's like she think she's gorgeous,
and she thinks her outfits are beautiful and she loves
as She's like, I'm a beautiful princess. You're admiring. Willis
her second cousin. She met ear rings. Oh I did
(45:18):
not see her. She would clip on ear rings and
Maven was like, what, because you don't really wear ear rings. No,
I don't know if Mayven is really aware that conscious
about ear rings. And she saw them, she's like, jewels
on her ears, yes, please anything glittery and girly, like
because she's are Her cousin had a toy like Barbie
(45:42):
Mermaid and Maven was like, I need that. Like she's
just she's so excited by those kind of flashy, glittering
stereotypical It's like, again we said a million times, we're like,
we know what, we're not gonna We're not gonna push
the gendered things on our kids, but they find them. Yeah,
(46:04):
but brain has really been feeling his sort of colorful
phase later. Yeah, he's he's not rigid. He likes his
pink rocks. Yeah, he's been wearing those pink rocks that
we don't remember who gave to us. Um, we have them.
They're too big for both our kids. They fit him,
um um. And he's been wearing his rainbow sneakers and
(46:28):
yeah they're too small. He's wearing the necklaces he got
at the parade. He had a barrette face. Um. Yeah,
it's just Mayven who's more rigid in her gender, in
her gender identity. UM, so okay, So well, I have
(46:50):
a few questions about these tails. They bring them, what
they say, great knowledge, which brings them great knowledge and
good luck. I saw a man today in a dress
shirt like a you know, like a blue and white
striped dress shirt like baby blue, and it had like
pink ruffles all down the front where the buttons were
(47:12):
like as like a seven late sixties James Bond tuxedo,
sort of classier. Um, and it really made me so
happy in this way of like, my kids are going
to grow up in this world where like, regardless of
how they identify, they that's an option for them that
(47:32):
people will not bat and I like, you know what
I mean, like down shirts. Yeah, Like Britain can grow
up to where that like and it's just going to
be a world where people are not going to be
like obsessing over it, you know what you mean? Like,
I mean that's also uh late sixties. No, it's not
(47:54):
the same as late sixties. You're right, you're right, because
it will be normal be not normal. Well, I don't
really know what you're saying. Do not cut off the tails?
How do I know they bring good luck and knowledge.
You know what I'm gonna say, details, We need details.
(48:15):
Jordan's what does it mean? Knowledge and good luck? And boy,
how do we know that? Because if we're gonna cut
them off, we probably would have done it where they
were born. Do you mean what does it mean? Knowledge
and good luck? He says? The tails bring knowledge and
good luck? What what kind of knowledge? How do we
recognize that they have good luck? And how do we
(48:36):
know that it's from the tails? It's self knowledge? If
my kids had as a tail um when they're born,
that's something I'd say, let's take care of that. What
do you think do you think they'd make them magical?
(48:58):
He said? It brings some knowledge and good Now, I'm
just talking about in real life if one of our
kids had been born at the tail if it's a
magical tale like he's describing the way he's describing it,
it's not the kind of tales that people are actually
born within this world, which are like digital like tailbone.
(49:19):
So this one is like glowing, Yeah, this one's probably
like beautiful foxtail pink like the gleamers that we have. Yes,
we've got these toys called gleamers. They're like lemurs, but
they have glowy tales. I'm sure this is like a gorgeous,
colorful tale and when you see it, you can feel
the magic and it brings a light into the room.
(49:42):
It is so much like a Doctor SEUs like fairy
tale type of thing of like having this like beautiful
magical quality or trait and then people trying to like
stamp it out. And it's such an appropriate metaphor for
the world we live in. Um, so we'd keep the
(50:02):
foreskin on, I mean the tail right, Yeah, he can
always pull it back. Take a look. This has been
would your nose? This has been another episode We Knows Parenting. Oh,
please right in or leave us a voicemail. Yes, you
(50:24):
can email us at we Knows pod at gmail dot
com or leave a voicemail at three four seven three
eight four seven three nine six. Yeah, and like our
our one of our listeners this week, if you want
to just tell us one of your victories, your parenting
victories that we knows when or we don't knows, what's
what's hard or would you know anything you want to share?
(50:46):
You know, your struggles for successes. We want to hear
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please do us a favor and have a great week. Yeah. Yeah,
We Knows Parenting News
Hosts And Creators
Beth Newell
Peter McNerney
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