March 26, 2019 • 47 mins
Bryn hits the ice for his first ever skating lesson and Peter gets emotional. The kids’ lies get more elaborate, Beth gets Bryn to use the bathroom by getting him to imagine the shame of peeing his pants in front of his friends and at bedtime Peter gets too into the mechanics of not only how an old woman could swallow a fly, but also of how swallowing a horse would likely kill a person.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
I got to say that, Holy mackerel, we know his
parenting by Peter McNerney. I'm Beth Newell. I'm going to
intro the show a weirder way each week. Apparently, Hi,
(00:24):
we're real parents. It's getting so weird this week, Mackerel,
what a curveball. Um, we stopped explaining what this is.
We've listeners to the show. New listeners, if you haven't
figured out from the title, this show is about parenting.
We're married, we have two kids. Oh my gosh. So
(00:46):
this week we can review. We can review. The big
news for you is that Brent had his first skating lesson. Yeah, girl, okay,
so this was very emotional for me, for you, my
whole family. We you know, we all played hockey for
(01:07):
all from age four through high school at least. Yeah,
I mean, it was like sort of momentous in general
because it's really his first organized activity. As we've said
in the past, we're not very together in terms of Yeah,
we don't have a lot of free time, we're not
very social people. Uh, we don't support our kids in
(01:28):
any way. Yeah, we don't cater to their social needs
at all. Um, so first class. It's pretty exciting. He
was like, he was pretty excited to be there. Yeah,
he was talking it up. Well, I remember, I think
we talked about this in the podcast, but when I
told him we were going, he suddenly realized that he
(01:48):
would be with strangers. And then he said, I don't
want to go. Yeah, well you said the word class
and he was like, he thought you were going to
leave him somewhere and then I will be there. And
he was a champ and he went, he's so the
skating lessons. You go and there's a million kids and
there's like ten lessons going on on the ice at
the same time, and they have the little corner and
Brian is like bottom of the heap, level one. He's
(02:12):
like probably the youngest kid there. It's like four through
six in his age group, and he was, uh, definitely
the least experienced. He was looked when they first started class.
He looked like the wobbliest kid, or like the shortest kid.
Maybe except for the two kids that were shorter than him,
he was the shortest. Okay, well, I guess you were
really keeping score. Um, so like those tiny kids kids
(02:35):
in front of you. He I just looked at the
other kids and I felt like, oh, maybe that kids
skated before, but our son pretty much no. We put
him on skates once like two years ago, yeah, which
is more just like a joke. Um, but yeah, and
he I thought for some reason that you know, like
you would be out there on the ice with him,
(02:56):
but it was just like we all just shove our
kids onto the ice and then the instructors are like, Okay,
you're gonna learn how to skate, like right this second.
So it's pretty cool moments like that when you see
kids just get thrown into something and they do like
actually pretty well with it. Yeah. Well you can see
over there that it was thirty minutes and you get out.
He gets out there and he can't stand up, and
they just have all the leved ones sit down and
(03:18):
then they teach him how to you know, go up
on their knees and then put one leg up and
then pushed themselves up. And Britain it was struggled with
that in the beginning, but by the end he was
like a champ getting up and they literally are just like,
all right, just a little march, a little march across
the ice. It's all about just not falling down. It's
like the most basic thing in the world, and we
(03:39):
filmed it a lot, and I got real emotional. Yeah,
it feels sort of like, I mean, the marching is
sort of helpful, but at the end of the day,
it feels sort of just like, oh, the more time
this kid spends wearing skates on the ice, the better
they're gonna get. Like my nephew, my niece and nephews.
Uh we live in Chicago. My brother puts a rink
in their back yard, like they're they're born on skates.
(04:03):
You come from sort of a hockey family. Your dad
was like on the Yale hockey team, right, Yeah, big deal,
there's nothing more prestigious. Well, didn't they make a movie
about the team when he was They made like a
documentary about it. You're remembering a documentary about like a
(04:25):
classic Harvard Yale football game. Okay, but he was at Harvard,
when he was at Yale when that happened. Yes, okay,
I'm well, in my mind, he's a legend, is my point.
He's going to be happy to hear that. But uh so, Yeah,
Bryn did pretty well. And I mean I think by
the end, like he was he kind of got a
(04:48):
sense of how to not fall down by the end,
even though he's moving very slowly. Yeah, it's not balanced.
He figured that out. And the funniest thing was is that,
you know, they just go, all right, we'll start here
and we'll go here to these cones. And he would
start going and then you look up and see me
and just immediately veer and go straight towards wherever we were. Yeah,
(05:08):
he was very tuned into us watching and it was
very much not the correct direction. There's also there's a
lot of moments where they were all told a cross
and like every other kid got across this little stretch
of ice they were on, and Brynce was in last,
very last place, like everyone else was across, and he
was still on our side of the ice. Did you
notice he was focused and he was doing full Michael
(05:30):
Jordan's with his tongue. No. I went back and watch
these videos and he is focused in his tongue is
out all over the place for the whole That's what
my mom used to tell me I did when I
was a kid. When I would draw pictures, she would
be like, you stick your tongue out. I think that's
something she did too, Like, that's not a super uncommon.
(05:51):
That is, it's exactly, it's literally what Michael Jordan would do,
that concentration thing. Yeah, me and Bryn were kind of
like Michael Jordan's You're the Michael Jordan of whatever it is,
you guys, whatever it is. Um. So the other thing
that's been heightening is the household lies. Our kids are
big liars. Yeah, we had an episode of Liars and Cheats,
(06:15):
but really lying a lot tonight. Um. They were both
kind of difficult, and I posted on Instagram just now
three videos in a row of our my kids lying.
So if you want to check that out, go to
my Instagram Beth Newell Um. But they so they I
(06:37):
actually prefaced this way saying, we I picked Brand up
from school. He immediately tells me he has these shopkins
in his backpack that he that Alan is going to
give him the kid at daycare. And I was like, well,
and the woman who runs daycare, who happens to be
this kid's mom, it is not there. There's just two
(06:57):
women who work for her who like don't really speak
a lot of English. So I was sort of like, well,
did you ask his mom what's going on? Um? Yeah,
Allen is there saying it's fine, and so it just
gets to this point where he's like constantly arguing it,
and I know if I try to wrestle them out
of his bag and we try to leave, it's going
to be like a very long disaster to try to
(07:19):
get the kids home. So I was like, well, I'm
just going to bring these back tomorrow whatever um and
so so basically he steals from Allan. Then we get
home and I noticed that the calendar on the table
has scribbles on it, which I was like, I was like, oh, man,
that was like a picture of the kids we put
made a calendar of pictures of that was it scribbled
all over Maven's face, specifically Maven and Brind's face. Whoever
(07:42):
did it scribbled on both their faces. So I was like, hey, guys,
who did this? And they both were so guilty and
they made up a story about how Alan did it.
First you can see this on my Instagram. But first
Brink claims that he brought the calendar to daycare to
day and that Alan scribbled down it there, and then
(08:02):
Maven slips and says Alan was here, and then they
start saying that Alan came into our house when we
weren't home and came in and scribbled on the calendar
and it was just like those kids to take some
you know, improv lessons. And may then kept kind of
sabotaging it because she would try to help, but her
two year old understanding of lies is very limited. So
(08:24):
like Bryn was describing how Alan broke into our house
and she she goes, it was an accident, and I
was like, it's an accident that he came over here,
like it's just then Bryn has to try to fold
in her lies that don't make sense, and it's like
it really gets out of control. It's it's we obviously
should shut down the line. But the video you can
(08:47):
see like he's in his face. He's like I think
I'm getting away with this, and he goes for it
and he can justify. I mean, it's just like when
I put into bed and we make up stories and
storytell like it's that same muscles. And then he said this,
um Meanwhile, he'll ask me if I'm lying, like maybe
(09:09):
we're talking about the movie Mary Poppins. And I was like,
this is popular when my mom was a kid or
my mom was a baby, and Mayven was like, you
held your mom when she was a baby, and I
was like no, and like, I'll explain yourself like that,
and then burn will be like are you lying to me?
And I'm like no, this is like yeah, well you
(09:30):
start to by introducing the concept of there's been a
few times where I explained like this, you are lying.
You know, it's different than you know. You know, kids
are trying to get what they want, where it's becoming
elaborate and he's doubling down on something. Well, he's when
he started to tell the lie. He started he clearly
you can see again in my Instagram video or he
(09:51):
is like the he's like and maybe he said this
like he's like just openly telling his story. And that's
where his lives are very much like your lies, where
you think if you're telling a good story, it doesn't
really matter if the details are incorrect. Yeah. I would
do this a lot when I was little, as I
would never lie about anything important. I mean, I'm sure
(10:14):
I did, but I would embellish things that I knew
I couldn't get caught because I just wanted now to
be more fun and can you blame me? Um? Yeah, okay, good,
just checking. Then I'll stop doing it. Can I tell
you something that Brand said this week that made me laugh?
(10:35):
Am I allowed to? Actually? No, we have to move on. Okay, great. Cool.
Here We're trying to walk somewhere and I forget. He
just falls down. He lays in the ground like Brand,
we gotta go, we gotta go, Brand, let's go, and
he just from the ground under his arm and goes, Daddy,
I ran out of walking. You know. I maybe I
(10:56):
should say this for the next segment. Um, I had
a small wind this week. All right, save it because
we don't have a lot of content this week. But
before we do that, I want to say it's something
coming up this week that I want to that I'm
excited for, which is Brin is going in for his
language screening for We applied for the Dos Communos dual
(11:17):
Language program and on Friday we're going in to get
him his language assessed. I guess it's interesting because they
made a big point of explaining how you're chosen language
doesn't matter, like you're like family. Your primary language doesn't matter,
and your proficiency supposedly doesn't factor in. And yet they
(11:38):
are doing a language test well because they balance the
class with half English as a first language, half Spanish
is a dominant language, and so they are assessing which
language is your dominant language. It doesn't factor in. It
just factors into what category are not And if friends
(12:00):
really good at Spanish, it doesn't matter because it's primary
language is English. So it's not a test. But I
feel like we're going to go in and it's going
to feel like a test. Yeah, it's just really hard
for me to wrap my head around that. There's not
some way we're supposed to be trying to win it.
You know, I could see. I'm very curious to see
(12:22):
how he does, like if they're going to ask him questions,
whether I could see him climbing up and not wanting
to talk. You're really going to be beaming. They're going
to be so proud there. Maybe they'll take you out
of the room. Do you remember having tests like that
when you were a kid, Like, because I remember going
into my kindergarten before I started school and I had
moved towns, so I guess that might have been part
(12:46):
of it. But it was kindergarten, So I think they're
probably like having every kid come in and I remember
going into this office with someone who was like I guess,
like a guidance counselor and like coloring in front of
her and just talking to her and like are asking
me basic questions and for some reason she was asking
me what color I thought a giraffe's tongue was. Like
(13:07):
I think she was just sort of like probing me
for general like does this kid have issues sort of thing.
But it's really weird, like when you're that little and
you're like, hi, um, yeah, well they're gonna say if
you can converse, if you're right, but like as a
as a five year old, you're like, what is this about?
Like why does she care so much about your rafts?
I had to do that. So going into sixth grade,
(13:31):
I switched to a private school and so I went
in for like actual testing, but it was one on
one and it was sort of like all I remember
is that this one exercise where they showed me a
piece of paper and they're like, this is FLIRG and
as a little cartoon alien. And then they flip the
page and like and this is Zerg. And then they
flipped the page and there's five aliens and they're like,
(13:52):
where's Zerg. Sounds like they're nailed that one. It was
the same day that I got to or maybe it
was the next day. I then and went and shadowed
a sixth grader for the whole day, and I was
new new school. I've never been there with a sixth
graders as a fifth grade. So when I spent a
day with a sixth grader to see what the school
(14:14):
was like, and the test you just described made me
think that's store. He happened when you were like five
years old, but no, I was eleven. Okay, sorry, I
still nailed it. But I spent the whole day falling
this kid around um and it was really nice to school.
I liked a lot. For some reason, I got it
into my head that I was doing a half day
(14:36):
and so a gym class, he was like, well, we're
doing skating because there was a rink new school, So
I'm gonna pass you off to my friend who's doing
something because you don't have skates. So okay, So I
go with his friend and then after Jim I come
back and I'm like, well, my day's over, so I'm
gonna go up front and wait for my parents to
pick me up. And he was like, you're over the
(14:57):
school day is not over, and I'm like, yeah, I'm
doing a half day by and I just left and
I sat up in the front of the school for
like an hour. There's no cell phone, so no one
was picking me up. And I sat there and I
was getting really uncomfortable, and then I was like, I
think I can walk home from here. And then I
just started walking home through like two ft of snow,
(15:19):
not two feet, but it was like fully snowy. I walked.
Long story short, they found me in the middle of
the football field trying to walk across and Mr. Linquist
was like, Peter, come back. And they had been like
the whole school had been searching for me for like
an hour. I have never heard this saying. I came
(15:40):
in and I went home, and I was like, I
don't think I'm going to get into that school because
they think I'm an idiot. Wait, was this the school
you ended up going to? I got into the school.
I almost blew it. They felt bad for I think
they were more freaked out. My parents were going to
be mad. They were we has to let him and
his parents are going to they lost me. Yeah, like
(16:00):
he really flunked the test, but we keep an eye
on this kid, Where's more like, where's Peter? Am? I right? Like?
I gave him the kindergarten her test and he did fine,
but then he just wandered at the building. Now it's
(16:20):
time for we knows wins. This is where we discuss
a parenting victory from the week I stopped you from
saying this before bath. So this is a pretty small
wind that feels like it barely warrants that intro. But
I so, as you know, our kids never want to
do what we want them to do, like go potty. Um.
(16:40):
And so I was going to take the kids outside
yesterday because it was so nice outside and there was
other kids from the neighborhood playing, and I just wanted
to get out there quickly. And I tried, I told
brand and maybe they had to go potty, and Brenn
was like, no, I don't want to. It's one of
those things when you go outside on the weekends, you
just never really know how long you're going to be there,
So you really don't want to have to peel have
(17:01):
a kid have to peel something. So anyway, I was
trying to think of how to get him and then
I was like, Brian, do you remember last night when you,
um didn't get to the bathroom in time and you
peed your pants and he's like yeah, And I was like,
it'd be pretty bad if that happened outside, right, Like
it's basically like trying to imply that like all the
everyone would see him with wet pants and he was
(17:22):
like m and he was like okay, and he went
potty and I was like, wow, shame is a really
big motivating you. You took the advice of the Inuit
people from last week when we talked about it. It
is like the storytelling aspect if you just say don't know,
if you say don't do this or do this, they
(17:45):
just see you getting in their way. Well picture, I said,
this isn't that what I'm trying to keep reminding myself
that they're smarter every day because, like I've said, it's
just like you forget that the thing they've always been
stubborn about, they might now have a new way to understand. Yeah, Um,
I watched the video of you talking to Brin where
(18:08):
he saw the words Samsung on the TV and thought
it said spooky. Yeah they he came in here. I
don't know why the TV started doing this all of
a sudden, but I had that floating Samsung logo and
he was like, and they he was a ghost in
the TV. Him and may even reclaiming he was a
ghost in the TV. And he that's one of like
a screensaver where the Samsung logo like bounces off the
(18:30):
edges of the screen. Well, I watched that video, and
you know how I love to explain things to my son.
You you were being a wonderful mother, but I was
really really wanted you to say, do you know what
a company is? Because that was clearly the thing he
didn't understand, because you're like, Samsung is a company, they
(18:51):
make TVs, and he's like a company. Well, it was
just kind of funny to hear him keep saying the
word company. It was so funny. It's very cute. But
I needed to plaints him. So tonight, Uh, we were
in bed You followed up here, Well I came up.
I forget what it was, but I explained what a
company was. We got into some deep discussions at bedtime.
(19:14):
Well I explained that a company was, and I was like,
we like story pirates. A company is a group of
people that come together to to do work together. Like
the story pirates and and then so he got it
forget the context. But then we were we're you know
how I've talked about this before. We're reading. There was
an old woman who swallowed a fly and she dies
(19:37):
in the book, and we keep coming back to like
she's dead. Why is she dead? And I was like, well,
she swallowed a horse, and we really got into it.
I was like, well, think about it, Brandon, think about
a fly came by. It's this big. You could fall
a swallow fly, right. He's like, yeah, like you can
swallow a spider, right, He's oh yeah. I was like,
(19:58):
what about a bird? And I showed how big it
was in my hand, and we really got into it.
I was like, could you swallow really graphic inappropriate way
of teaching a kids graphic and I was like, you'd
have to chew it up, And she didn't chew it up.
She swallowing. Well there may even was like why did
she die when she swallowed a horse? And we got
(20:18):
into it. I was like, they see the tombstone at
the end. I was like, she's in the ground, and
I referenced their other book where they buried the scare
at the creepy pair of underwear. I'm not. I'm so
nervous now what they're gonna say at school, what their
takeaway from this conversation is going to be. Did I
tell you that I explained sex to our kids too?
(20:40):
I full on explained it. And I was like, if
I talked about body parts, what happens, and it was
totally fine, and it was he was. You could tell
Bryn understood more than he ever has. He's like mind blom.
Because I feel like this week I also sort of
talked about death with them, Um, I was. I feel
(21:03):
like this came up for a couple of reasons, because
we're going to a funeral for my great uncle in
a couple of weeks, and also because of the funeral happening,
my parents are visiting to help prepare for the funeral,
and they've been sending us pictures of me and my
siblings as kids. So I was like, Um, Basically, I
was like, oh, I guess now I can finally tell
(21:23):
Brennan Brennan that like, my brother died and he might
be able to conceptualize that there was this person, you know, um.
And so I told him and he didn't really like
he clearly just didn't understand it, didn't have a lot
of questions, but he was like, what, Um, I've mentioned
that to him a long time ago, and just I
was like, maybe this is something I'll mention casually so
(21:45):
that it's yeah, something that's just in the air. It's
come up before, but like not in a way where
I ever felt like it would really stick before, you know. Yeah,
I mean, I think he's at the age now where
if you really dug into it, he'd understand. Maybe, boy,
this is a we knows win. Um, the win was
about going potty. The I guess the fact that we're
(22:09):
telling our kids things is so win. Yeah, we're not
afraid to have I don't know if they need to
know about like choking to death on animals that you're consuming.
Supposed to be just a fun song, That's what I
kept saying. I'm like, I was like, well, how did
then the nave and got real? Stars Like, well, how
did she swallow it? I'm like, well, it's not real.
(22:29):
She's a cartoon, so she can do whatever she wants,
but she's dead. Yeah, Well, I guess they're still consequence.
It really got into some interesting questions. It's funny that
it's about that song because my great uncle who just died,
his wife would always play that song for us on
the piano, and it's like, it's just very Uh, it's
(22:50):
all full circle. It's maybe I could feel it. It
was appropriate to get into it. It's the way he
would have wanted his death explained through an old woman
who swallowed a horse. She died, of course, And now
(23:14):
it's time for we don't know. This is where we
discuss parenting quandary. Okay, so here's another thing we may
or may not have foxed up this week. Uh, it's
at least embarrassing. Okay. So the other day, Bryn was
doing one of his random casual boys don't wear dresses statements.
(23:37):
I don't know where. I don't remember where why it
came up, but he said that, um, and I was like, no,
sometimes boys wear dresses. And then you decided to elaborate
and you were like, yeah, they do wear dresses, like
on the show drag Race that I watched. Do you
know Bryan drag Race that I love? I know, But
it was like, again, I think maybe a little too
(23:59):
much information sation because he formed a picture in his
mind of the types of boys or men who are addresses.
So then later the week, um, we're we're going outside
this after the p incident, and I uh, there's a
lot of people coming in and out of our building
(24:19):
because there's an open house in the apartment next door.
So we are coming back inside the building and this
woman is leaving. She's like a tall woman with like
and like a sort of African accent, like um, Nigerian
or something. So she she's like very nice to us,
(24:41):
and it's like okay, like, um, she's like, I don't
know whatever. She says something the kids as people do
you are almost gonna do it. I just couldn't think
of any of the actual words she said to us,
but anyway, she says something to us and like a
slightly deep voice for a woman, And as we're walking in,
she's kind of like out of earshot, but bring goes
(25:03):
she's not a girl. She's not what you are. And
I was like, oh, woman, like she was gone at
this point, and he's like, yeah, she's not. And I
was like, oh my god, this is so embarrassing. I'm
so glad. I don't think she really heard him, but
I was like, that's like I mean, kids say stuff
(25:25):
like this all the time, I think, but like it's
so mortifying, Oh my god, because how do you joke
that away? Yeah, I don't know. I was just like,
because the thing is, even if she had not been
like born with female organs, she still would be a woman,
(25:46):
and it would still be bad for him to say.
So I feel like the setup that we gave him
for this to process this sort of scenario was not good.
But you know, that's one of those things where, um,
you'd love to just chalk it up to like, oh kids,
am I right? But you're this is brand clearly responding
(26:08):
to a woman who's perhaps a little taller with a
deeper voice than he's used to, and he's just learned
this thing, and so by saying that, he's speaking to
some sort of truth where he's recognizing. But this is
why I'm scared of giving him too much information, because
he emotionally cannot process all of what you're throwing at him.
It's true, but but you know, you you want to
(26:32):
normalize you all possibilities. I mean, this is this is
the challenge we're going to continually go through trying to
be open minded about the fact that not everyone's the same,
and so it's gonna come out weird because he's so
both of them so much want to identify things and
and gender and boys and girls rules as much as
(26:52):
we push against it. Like Brent just again was just
going on on about pink being a girl's color. Yeah,
although they got in to fight at dinner tonight because
may Haven one of the blue cup and Bryn had
wanted it, and then he was like, is blue your
favorite color? And she was like, yeah, blue is my
favorite color and he's like it is now and she's
(27:13):
like yeah, and he got He was like, well, then
pink's my favorite color now, and they like traded favorite
colors because he was mad so and then he asked
for the pink cup. I think he's just trying to
make her mad. They do. They've had that fight before
where I just heard him whisper to her, your favorite
color is blue. She's like, no, it's pink. I said
(27:38):
that I really liked pink, and Mayven got upset because
she's like, daddy's don't like pink. Yeah, I mean they
I think they do, unfortunately, get a lot of information
about like mommy's and daddy's and it's hard to avoid
that it's unavoidable, but I just keep trying to put
the idea in their head, okay, just that like, yeah,
(28:03):
well I like pink two and that's fine. And then
some people wear addresses and I'm it's trying to find
that balance between how much do you want to explain
it to people to a four year old? But I
think at this point it is just putting out those
light ideas out there that like, there's boys who wear dresses.
Let's seat lunch and we'll come back to the topic months.
(28:25):
There's like I think we've exposed them to a lot
of different things, but um, you know, trans people are
not people that are interacting with and their everyday lives.
So I think that's like one area. Like I know
in Brooklyn and a lot of cities they have uh
like drag Queen story hours like at the library and
(28:45):
that's really cool, but we don't have anything like that
up here. But you know what, I I was really
happy to be able to say to brand that like
you know, the Drag Race, you do know that show,
That's what that's I mean, that's not that's a very
specific thing, and there is I don't want him to
think that like that is hot, right, Like drag race
(29:06):
is not representative of trans people necessarily, it's a reality
trans people were also talking about, like gender fluid wardrobe.
Most of the people on drugs are not trans. Just
to be clear, it's true, um, but it was nice
to have at least some frame of reference to be like,
(29:28):
here's an example of where this is normal. And it's
like if that show wasn't on, what other practical example
would brind be able to connect to, you know what
I mean? Yeah, I just think I mean, I think
it's it's it's it's it's a positive. It's not the
(29:50):
best representation if I were a trans person, I would
not be psyched that that was the reference point. And
that's like a systemic failure, not solely a failure of
drag race, right, but the fact that like they're not
surrounded by actual trans people. It is nice that there
is a positive example of men wearing women's clothing and
(30:15):
it's not uh, it's not shameful, yeah, but I mean
it just could be clear terminology wise, even to say
men wearing women's clothing is not the away drag trans
people would want to be described. Sure, but we weren't
even necessarily strictly talking about trans people. It was literally
just do men wear dresses? It's like, yeah, some people
do for a lot of reasons. Yeah, I mean, but
(30:40):
again when we said boys, yeah, it's yes, your your
concerns are valid. Also, drag Race is such a good show.
Have I talked about this before? We know you love
drag Race. This next segment is called Listeners Want to Knows.
(31:08):
That's where we take some questions and comments from the listeners.
Thanks listeners. We've got a lot of emails this week
from last week's episode, Um, mostly about Pokemon. We I
went back and listen to it. We literally asked for
this to come and explain Pokemon, and people were happy
to very nicely. People all universally loved the fact that
(31:32):
you mislabeled Charmander as Charlemagne. And I gotta say, there's
a lot of comments from listeners telling me that I
am better on the podcast, slightly inebriated, and um, it
just is a nice microcosm of the entertainment industry as
a whole. I think I just like better drunk, just
(31:55):
you know, put yourself out there at all costs. Uh No,
I mean, we had fun. It was we have our fun.
We have our fun. Um. Anyway, well, I'm having a
drink wow wow as we speak, also having drink. I
also have drinking. All right, right for this, I'm gonna
(32:18):
skip around a little bit on that one. I can
hear that drink. Um. Speaking of this. Loved the latest
episode Buzzed. Beth was amusing as she kept interrupting Peter
for a change. That's true. Um, I loved it. I
wanted to write it about Pokemon. I grew up watching
the show, but my husband and and I I grew up. Sorry,
(32:44):
I grew up watching the show some, but my husband
and now I are great fans of Pokemon Go. We
use it when we go on our walks with our
dogs and enjoy the virtual stamp collecting aspect. So, as
you recall last week's episode, I picked side Duck and
Mew two as what I'd picked Maven and Britton to
be because they were literally just two of the few
(33:05):
that I could name. Um, but I didn't know what
they do. So they explained sid Duck is one of
the least intelligent Pokemon. It is pretty adorable, but has
the telekinetic powers that it hasn't mastered, so it waddles
around holding its head and its wings in pain. That's
what I chose for Maven Well, who even keeps that pokemon? Like?
(33:27):
Just get rid of it? Why because you pity it? Yeah,
because you're a good person. Just go let it live
in peace. And maybe it's sad because it's a slave.
Set it free. It can't take care of itself. Beth, Yeah,
that's a very colonialist argument. It sounds like it's mentally ill,
(33:51):
to be honest, and you want to just go throw
it into God, stop gas lighting it. Mew two is
a very potent choice for winning gym battles. Background You
two is a genetically engineered Pokemon that gains sentience and
attacked its creators before escaping. That's what I picked for
(34:11):
Brin neither one. I think we're good picks for our kids,
but they were two pokemon that I could name anyway unrelated.
Finally wanted to pose a uh would you knows? Or
what would you do? Is this is not a would
you know? This is a question what would you do?
As question? For you? My darling eighteen month old has
(34:34):
recently discovered that the satisfaction of hitting when being told no,
she isn't old enough to understand folk stories yet. So
do you have any advice on how to discipline or
correct the behavior. Did either Brin or may even enjoy
lashing out as young toddlers? If so, what did you do?
Did it work? All my best? Lela um? Our kids
(34:57):
have definitely hit us this week. Um. I think with
Toddler's the Janet Landsburg argument, I think is sort of
like you hold their hand and say, I can't let
you hit me, and you just try to stay calm
and repeat that. Um. And yeah, I think it's annoying.
(35:18):
You just have to keep It's the hardest part is
to not show any amount of aggression or shock or
emotion when they hit you. Because sometimes my kids have
hit me in the face and I can't help but
be like angry or hurt, and that just shows them
(35:41):
that heating has power. UM. So if you you are
able to just gently hold their hands and go, I
can't let you hit me. Um, it just takes the
the fun out of it, and it takes the power
out of it. Have we succeeded in this not? Well,
We're getting better. Both of our kids had major at
tantrents tonight before you got home, and both of them,
(36:04):
like I've noticed lately, if I'm just ignoring it, it
will sizzle out. I just have to ignore it for
a pretty long time. And I think luckily Brent is
developing some other like angry behaviors besides just like kicking
a wall or something like he like run away in
his room and stomp off and stuff. And you're like, yeah, good,
that's healthy. Leave us alone, you know. Um, he's gotten
(36:27):
really good at the dramatic storm I'm going away yeah,
which I like. I'm like, yeah, great, good for you.
And he forgets so fast. Um, Leela, this is what
did we help? We We have not figured this out.
(36:47):
It's just you just have to stay home. Um okay.
Next question. This is from Mary. The subject line why
our child doesn't have scissors at home? It says, hello,
congratulating on joining the no scissors movement that we are
also a part of. L O L. I'm half a
parenting team of an active, curious five year old who
thinks she knows everything. My husband and I were both
(37:09):
the type of children who strike fear into a new
parent's heart, wondering if their child will end up like them.
When our daughters started talking about cutting at school, we
just smiled and nodded. No the oh sorry, no way
was she getting scissors for her use in the house.
When I was about three, I had figured out how
to use those scissors that were only supposed to cut
(37:30):
paper to cut anything, hair, sheets, clothes, dolls, and probably
tried to cut the cat's hair too. All this before
my poor mom found me with them. My husband, at
the age of two, took scissors and found out how
many sparks come out of an electrical plug. I figured
that I'll let her have scissors after she is seven
or eight. Maybe. We also have had three parent teacher
(37:52):
conferences that had the awkward part of you know, she
can't use scissors very well, right, We giggle and tell
the stories. The teacher usually gets to look on her
face like she is wondering if she ever wants to
give our child scissors again to giggle. We also have
a no marker crayons only on tables house Thank you
for all the nose. Sorry I can't understand anyway, that's
(38:15):
the end of the question. There are no markers crams
only household. Oh, no marker crans only no markers. I
think they're saying crams only at the table right. Um. Anyway,
so that's so funny. I feel assured, what serie, you're
(38:36):
not on the show. Okay, so the third time you've
tried to be on the show. I feel slightly vindicated.
But I also I'm not sure I want to wait
until seven to let him music. But then again, he's
only going to get worse with them. Well, we don't
have the problem the grin is not interested in the scissors. No,
but I mean we keep them out of sight. Luckily,
it's true. I wish you'd keep them out. I mean,
(38:57):
I mean, but we took them out this week to
see if we get him to cut something, and he
was like, just not into it. Well, I made the
mistake of presenting the same test or like activity that
pre K does, and he's already decided that he's not
good at it, and so he goes ms ms. Miss
Myra says, I can just cut straight on the ones
you're not supposed to do. I think if we just
left them out let him play with it, he'd get
(39:20):
better faster. Maybe, yeah, maybe, But I also think there
might be like a problem because he's cutting with his
right hand, but he writes with his left hand. He
writes with his right hand. I think maybe more, Yeah,
I think he's reverting more to right hand. Yeah. When
(39:40):
he was doing the scissors, he kept switching hands, and
uh yeah, it just feels like he hasn't figured out
the right hand for it. He was a lefty forever
until he really started writing, and now it's like it's changing,
which is really which is really high you know. Yeah, well,
I mean we should just let him keep doing it
(40:01):
one way or another. Let's keep the sisters out and
see what I mean, let him write with his hands
as he will. I remember my cousins say something about
how he was sort of ambidextrous for a while as
a kid, and then I think teachers tried to just
push him to use one hand to like just for consistency,
(40:22):
and then he kind of just got better with that
hand and worse with the other. But I don't think
it's like, I mean, there's danger unless you're you know,
in Major Major League Baseball player. Doesn't matter. Yeah, that's
the only time it matters. The only time you want
to do both ways. Somebody right in let us know
(40:42):
the benefits are you a major league baseball player. Let
us know, are you Hall of Famer Mark Race? He
wasn't a switch hitter, he was a lefty boy. Nobody
cares about what I'm saying right now, go on, con
I'll say the one baseball factor. I know. Hey, Beth
and Peter. Longtime listener, first time emailer. I've been listening
(41:05):
to you guys since Beth's was a guest on One
Bad Mother. I'm really glad I found you guys. Anyway,
I've finished listening to the episode Relax, and I wanted
to reach out and thank you for the podcast. This
probably sounds really awful, but I enjoy listening to the
two of you have major disagreements on the podcast. My
(41:26):
husband and I cannot fight. We have diametrically opposed responses
when it comes to disagreements, and so we avoid having
them disagreements as much as possible until they build and
build and build and kaboom, marital discord. I feel like
my husband's response is much along the same lines as
yours seemed to be, Peter, and so it is fascinating
(41:49):
to me to hear you head down that same destructive path,
only to recognize that that is what is going on,
and being able to stop it and speak to your
feelings not and if not resolved the disagreement with Beth,
then at least be in a position where you can
separate yourself from your feelings and can examine them and
name them so that Beth can understand them too. I
(42:12):
almost want to make him listen to the podcast with
very not at all subtle hints. Do listen to Peter
uh So, Love whether you're doing, Love your insights, bah
bah bah Becks from Tasmania. Um boy, well, it makes
me sound like I'm really in control of my emotions,
(42:34):
doesn't it. Yeah, I'm through a compliment about me. No,
it was fascinating. Um No, I think this is interesting.
What I think is interesting about this email is um
her urge to not have fights, which I very much
relate to. But then also, like when you're putting off
(42:55):
those arguments, it just builds and builds, and there's certain
things that really need to be talked out at some point. Yeah,
I understand that. I and I think we we've both
come a long way in figuring out each other's conflict styles,
where we still we still go down dumb paths where
(43:18):
we we make each other angry in the worst way,
but we can see it coming. Um, like she sort
of described, but I understand that feeling of like I
have an issue, but I don't want to bring it
up because I don't have I don't want it to explode,
and I don't know if I'm in the right place
or energy to like get into it delicately. And then
(43:40):
sometimes those build up, and then when another argument happens,
I tend to like then throw in other issues unrelated
because because I'm like, I didn't get a chance to
talk about this, and it's like not the right time
for it, Yeah, and it makes everything worse. Yeah, Um yeah,
I mean there's some times I think it was when
(44:01):
your parents, where you're just to get through the day
and get everything done. There isn't a lot of time
to have those arguments. And then also, like you're saying, like,
sometimes you know you're not in a good mood and
it's not a good time to start that argument, so
you rationally put it off. But then the combination of
that and having kids and just not having any time,
it's like a powder keg because it's going to happen
(44:25):
at some point. Um. I also find that the best
time to talk about a real issue is when I
feel good. But when I feel good, I don't want
to ruin it by talking about an issue. Yeah, so
it only comes up when I'm angry about something else.
I will say that at least when you guys hear
us fight. And we've had real fights on this podcast,
(44:47):
but knowing you're all listening definitely puts us on our
quote unquote best behavior. And I think I'm able to
do what she described better here than in real life. Yeah,
I mean, it wasn't fun for me to have that
argument at the time. Oh, I had a ball. I
(45:09):
love it. I love Oh boy. Can we just talk
about how for some reason, I don't know that much
about Tasmania, but but the name Bex sounds exactly like
somebody who lives in Testa. Can you invite us over?
I want to go to Tasmania. Come on, it's not
(45:31):
that far away. It's just like literally, couldn't be any farther.
We'll do our best not to argue when we're there,
although she likes it, we will argue the way you described. Yes,
oh my god, if you invite us to Tasmania, I
promise we'll come up with something in the chaos of
vacation to argue about in front of you and your husband,
and we'll nail it. It will be the best going
(45:51):
to be You're gonna love it. I'll talk about how
I feel instead of escalating, I would describe how I
got here, and I'll take responsibility for my own part
in escalating and not listening earlier. And I'll identify where
your anger may have started that I didn't notice in
the first place. Amazing, Gosh, we're nailing it, Beth nailing it.
(46:19):
This has been closteners one who knows. This has been
another episode of We Knows Parenting. Guys. Come to see
our live show in Brooklyn on April. Go to We
Knows Parenting dot com and click on the live appearance
link and you can get tickets to that show. We
(46:42):
got Chuck Bryant from Stuff you Should Know. Abby Crutchfield,
if youre Eisenberg, We're gonna keep plugging it because we
want all of you there. It's gonna be you. Yeah,
that's gonna be a little field in Brooklyn. That's right. Um.
If you'd like to submit a question, share story gives
some advice or some just impossible parenting hypothetical. You welcome
to email us at we Knows Pod at gmail dot
(47:02):
com or leave us a voicemail at three four seven
three eight four seven three nine six. Find us on Twitter, Instagram,
and we Knows Pod Facebook. Uh. Find Peter McNerney Beth
Newell on on those instagrams, and dudes, we'll see you
next time, right,
I got to say that, Holy mackerel, we know his
parenting by Peter McNerney. I'm Beth Newell. I'm going to
intro the show a weirder way each week. Apparently, Hi,
(00:24):
we're real parents. It's getting so weird this week, Mackerel,
what a curveball. Um, we stopped explaining what this is.
We've listeners to the show. New listeners, if you haven't
figured out from the title, this show is about parenting.
We're married, we have two kids. Oh my gosh. So
(00:46):
this week we can review. We can review. The big
news for you is that Brent had his first skating lesson. Yeah, girl, okay,
so this was very emotional for me, for you, my
whole family. We you know, we all played hockey for
(01:07):
all from age four through high school at least. Yeah,
I mean, it was like sort of momentous in general
because it's really his first organized activity. As we've said
in the past, we're not very together in terms of Yeah,
we don't have a lot of free time, we're not
very social people. Uh, we don't support our kids in
(01:28):
any way. Yeah, we don't cater to their social needs
at all. Um, so first class. It's pretty exciting. He
was like, he was pretty excited to be there. Yeah,
he was talking it up. Well, I remember, I think
we talked about this in the podcast, but when I
told him we were going, he suddenly realized that he
(01:48):
would be with strangers. And then he said, I don't
want to go. Yeah, well you said the word class
and he was like, he thought you were going to
leave him somewhere and then I will be there. And
he was a champ and he went, he's so the
skating lessons. You go and there's a million kids and
there's like ten lessons going on on the ice at
the same time, and they have the little corner and
Brian is like bottom of the heap, level one. He's
(02:12):
like probably the youngest kid there. It's like four through
six in his age group, and he was, uh, definitely
the least experienced. He was looked when they first started class.
He looked like the wobbliest kid, or like the shortest kid.
Maybe except for the two kids that were shorter than him,
he was the shortest. Okay, well, I guess you were
really keeping score. Um, so like those tiny kids kids
(02:35):
in front of you. He I just looked at the
other kids and I felt like, oh, maybe that kids
skated before, but our son pretty much no. We put
him on skates once like two years ago, yeah, which
is more just like a joke. Um, but yeah, and
he I thought for some reason that you know, like
you would be out there on the ice with him,
(02:56):
but it was just like we all just shove our
kids onto the ice and then the instructors are like, Okay,
you're gonna learn how to skate, like right this second.
So it's pretty cool moments like that when you see
kids just get thrown into something and they do like
actually pretty well with it. Yeah. Well you can see
over there that it was thirty minutes and you get out.
He gets out there and he can't stand up, and
they just have all the leved ones sit down and
(03:18):
then they teach him how to you know, go up
on their knees and then put one leg up and
then pushed themselves up. And Britain it was struggled with
that in the beginning, but by the end he was
like a champ getting up and they literally are just like,
all right, just a little march, a little march across
the ice. It's all about just not falling down. It's
like the most basic thing in the world, and we
(03:39):
filmed it a lot, and I got real emotional. Yeah,
it feels sort of like, I mean, the marching is
sort of helpful, but at the end of the day,
it feels sort of just like, oh, the more time
this kid spends wearing skates on the ice, the better
they're gonna get. Like my nephew, my niece and nephews.
Uh we live in Chicago. My brother puts a rink
in their back yard, like they're they're born on skates.
(04:03):
You come from sort of a hockey family. Your dad
was like on the Yale hockey team, right, Yeah, big deal,
there's nothing more prestigious. Well, didn't they make a movie
about the team when he was They made like a
documentary about it. You're remembering a documentary about like a
(04:25):
classic Harvard Yale football game. Okay, but he was at Harvard,
when he was at Yale when that happened. Yes, okay,
I'm well, in my mind, he's a legend, is my point.
He's going to be happy to hear that. But uh so, Yeah,
Bryn did pretty well. And I mean I think by
the end, like he was he kind of got a
(04:48):
sense of how to not fall down by the end,
even though he's moving very slowly. Yeah, it's not balanced.
He figured that out. And the funniest thing was is that,
you know, they just go, all right, we'll start here
and we'll go here to these cones. And he would
start going and then you look up and see me
and just immediately veer and go straight towards wherever we were. Yeah,
(05:08):
he was very tuned into us watching and it was
very much not the correct direction. There's also there's a
lot of moments where they were all told a cross
and like every other kid got across this little stretch
of ice they were on, and Brynce was in last,
very last place, like everyone else was across, and he
was still on our side of the ice. Did you
notice he was focused and he was doing full Michael
(05:30):
Jordan's with his tongue. No. I went back and watch
these videos and he is focused in his tongue is
out all over the place for the whole That's what
my mom used to tell me I did when I
was a kid. When I would draw pictures, she would
be like, you stick your tongue out. I think that's
something she did too, Like, that's not a super uncommon.
(05:51):
That is, it's exactly, it's literally what Michael Jordan would do,
that concentration thing. Yeah, me and Bryn were kind of
like Michael Jordan's You're the Michael Jordan of whatever it is,
you guys, whatever it is. Um. So the other thing
that's been heightening is the household lies. Our kids are
big liars. Yeah, we had an episode of Liars and Cheats,
(06:15):
but really lying a lot tonight. Um. They were both
kind of difficult, and I posted on Instagram just now
three videos in a row of our my kids lying.
So if you want to check that out, go to
my Instagram Beth Newell Um. But they so they I
(06:37):
actually prefaced this way saying, we I picked Brand up
from school. He immediately tells me he has these shopkins
in his backpack that he that Alan is going to
give him the kid at daycare. And I was like, well,
and the woman who runs daycare, who happens to be
this kid's mom, it is not there. There's just two
(06:57):
women who work for her who like don't really speak
a lot of English. So I was sort of like, well,
did you ask his mom what's going on? Um? Yeah,
Allen is there saying it's fine, and so it just
gets to this point where he's like constantly arguing it,
and I know if I try to wrestle them out
of his bag and we try to leave, it's going
to be like a very long disaster to try to
(07:19):
get the kids home. So I was like, well, I'm
just going to bring these back tomorrow whatever um and
so so basically he steals from Allan. Then we get
home and I noticed that the calendar on the table
has scribbles on it, which I was like, I was like, oh, man,
that was like a picture of the kids we put
made a calendar of pictures of that was it scribbled
all over Maven's face, specifically Maven and Brind's face. Whoever
(07:42):
did it scribbled on both their faces. So I was like, hey, guys,
who did this? And they both were so guilty and
they made up a story about how Alan did it.
First you can see this on my Instagram. But first
Brink claims that he brought the calendar to daycare to
day and that Alan scribbled down it there, and then
(08:02):
Maven slips and says Alan was here, and then they
start saying that Alan came into our house when we
weren't home and came in and scribbled on the calendar
and it was just like those kids to take some
you know, improv lessons. And may then kept kind of
sabotaging it because she would try to help, but her
two year old understanding of lies is very limited. So
(08:24):
like Bryn was describing how Alan broke into our house
and she she goes, it was an accident, and I
was like, it's an accident that he came over here,
like it's just then Bryn has to try to fold
in her lies that don't make sense, and it's like
it really gets out of control. It's it's we obviously
should shut down the line. But the video you can
(08:47):
see like he's in his face. He's like I think
I'm getting away with this, and he goes for it
and he can justify. I mean, it's just like when
I put into bed and we make up stories and
storytell like it's that same muscles. And then he said this,
um Meanwhile, he'll ask me if I'm lying, like maybe
(09:09):
we're talking about the movie Mary Poppins. And I was like,
this is popular when my mom was a kid or
my mom was a baby, and Mayven was like, you
held your mom when she was a baby, and I
was like no, and like, I'll explain yourself like that,
and then burn will be like are you lying to me?
And I'm like no, this is like yeah, well you
(09:30):
start to by introducing the concept of there's been a
few times where I explained like this, you are lying.
You know, it's different than you know. You know, kids
are trying to get what they want, where it's becoming
elaborate and he's doubling down on something. Well, he's when
he started to tell the lie. He started he clearly
you can see again in my Instagram video or he
(09:51):
is like the he's like and maybe he said this
like he's like just openly telling his story. And that's
where his lives are very much like your lies, where
you think if you're telling a good story, it doesn't
really matter if the details are incorrect. Yeah. I would
do this a lot when I was little, as I
would never lie about anything important. I mean, I'm sure
(10:14):
I did, but I would embellish things that I knew
I couldn't get caught because I just wanted now to
be more fun and can you blame me? Um? Yeah, okay, good,
just checking. Then I'll stop doing it. Can I tell
you something that Brand said this week that made me laugh?
(10:35):
Am I allowed to? Actually? No, we have to move on. Okay, great. Cool.
Here We're trying to walk somewhere and I forget. He
just falls down. He lays in the ground like Brand,
we gotta go, we gotta go, Brand, let's go, and
he just from the ground under his arm and goes, Daddy,
I ran out of walking. You know. I maybe I
(10:56):
should say this for the next segment. Um, I had
a small wind this week. All right, save it because
we don't have a lot of content this week. But
before we do that, I want to say it's something
coming up this week that I want to that I'm
excited for, which is Brin is going in for his
language screening for We applied for the Dos Communos dual
(11:17):
Language program and on Friday we're going in to get
him his language assessed. I guess it's interesting because they
made a big point of explaining how you're chosen language
doesn't matter, like you're like family. Your primary language doesn't matter,
and your proficiency supposedly doesn't factor in. And yet they
(11:38):
are doing a language test well because they balance the
class with half English as a first language, half Spanish
is a dominant language, and so they are assessing which
language is your dominant language. It doesn't factor in. It
just factors into what category are not And if friends
(12:00):
really good at Spanish, it doesn't matter because it's primary
language is English. So it's not a test. But I
feel like we're going to go in and it's going
to feel like a test. Yeah, it's just really hard
for me to wrap my head around that. There's not
some way we're supposed to be trying to win it.
You know, I could see. I'm very curious to see
(12:22):
how he does, like if they're going to ask him questions,
whether I could see him climbing up and not wanting
to talk. You're really going to be beaming. They're going
to be so proud there. Maybe they'll take you out
of the room. Do you remember having tests like that
when you were a kid, Like, because I remember going
into my kindergarten before I started school and I had
moved towns, so I guess that might have been part
(12:46):
of it. But it was kindergarten, So I think they're
probably like having every kid come in and I remember
going into this office with someone who was like I guess,
like a guidance counselor and like coloring in front of
her and just talking to her and like are asking
me basic questions and for some reason she was asking
me what color I thought a giraffe's tongue was. Like
(13:07):
I think she was just sort of like probing me
for general like does this kid have issues sort of thing.
But it's really weird, like when you're that little and
you're like, hi, um, yeah, well they're gonna say if
you can converse, if you're right, but like as a
as a five year old, you're like, what is this about?
Like why does she care so much about your rafts?
I had to do that. So going into sixth grade,
(13:31):
I switched to a private school and so I went
in for like actual testing, but it was one on
one and it was sort of like all I remember
is that this one exercise where they showed me a
piece of paper and they're like, this is FLIRG and
as a little cartoon alien. And then they flip the
page and like and this is Zerg. And then they
flipped the page and there's five aliens and they're like,
(13:52):
where's Zerg. Sounds like they're nailed that one. It was
the same day that I got to or maybe it
was the next day. I then and went and shadowed
a sixth grader for the whole day, and I was
new new school. I've never been there with a sixth
graders as a fifth grade. So when I spent a
day with a sixth grader to see what the school
(14:14):
was like, and the test you just described made me
think that's store. He happened when you were like five
years old, but no, I was eleven. Okay, sorry, I
still nailed it. But I spent the whole day falling
this kid around um and it was really nice to school.
I liked a lot. For some reason, I got it
into my head that I was doing a half day
(14:36):
and so a gym class, he was like, well, we're
doing skating because there was a rink new school, So
I'm gonna pass you off to my friend who's doing
something because you don't have skates. So okay, So I
go with his friend and then after Jim I come
back and I'm like, well, my day's over, so I'm
gonna go up front and wait for my parents to
pick me up. And he was like, you're over the
(14:57):
school day is not over, and I'm like, yeah, I'm
doing a half day by and I just left and
I sat up in the front of the school for
like an hour. There's no cell phone, so no one
was picking me up. And I sat there and I
was getting really uncomfortable, and then I was like, I
think I can walk home from here. And then I
just started walking home through like two ft of snow,
(15:19):
not two feet, but it was like fully snowy. I walked.
Long story short, they found me in the middle of
the football field trying to walk across and Mr. Linquist
was like, Peter, come back. And they had been like
the whole school had been searching for me for like
an hour. I have never heard this saying. I came
(15:40):
in and I went home, and I was like, I
don't think I'm going to get into that school because
they think I'm an idiot. Wait, was this the school
you ended up going to? I got into the school.
I almost blew it. They felt bad for I think
they were more freaked out. My parents were going to
be mad. They were we has to let him and
his parents are going to they lost me. Yeah, like
(16:00):
he really flunked the test, but we keep an eye
on this kid, Where's more like, where's Peter? Am? I right? Like?
I gave him the kindergarten her test and he did fine,
but then he just wandered at the building. Now it's
(16:20):
time for we knows wins. This is where we discuss
a parenting victory from the week I stopped you from
saying this before bath. So this is a pretty small
wind that feels like it barely warrants that intro. But
I so, as you know, our kids never want to
do what we want them to do, like go potty. Um.
(16:40):
And so I was going to take the kids outside
yesterday because it was so nice outside and there was
other kids from the neighborhood playing, and I just wanted
to get out there quickly. And I tried, I told
brand and maybe they had to go potty, and Brenn
was like, no, I don't want to. It's one of
those things when you go outside on the weekends, you
just never really know how long you're going to be there,
So you really don't want to have to peel have
(17:01):
a kid have to peel something. So anyway, I was
trying to think of how to get him and then
I was like, Brian, do you remember last night when you,
um didn't get to the bathroom in time and you
peed your pants and he's like yeah, And I was like,
it'd be pretty bad if that happened outside, right, Like
it's basically like trying to imply that like all the
everyone would see him with wet pants and he was
(17:22):
like m and he was like okay, and he went
potty and I was like, wow, shame is a really
big motivating you. You took the advice of the Inuit
people from last week when we talked about it. It
is like the storytelling aspect if you just say don't know,
if you say don't do this or do this, they
(17:45):
just see you getting in their way. Well picture, I said,
this isn't that what I'm trying to keep reminding myself
that they're smarter every day because, like I've said, it's
just like you forget that the thing they've always been
stubborn about, they might now have a new way to understand. Yeah, Um,
I watched the video of you talking to Brin where
(18:08):
he saw the words Samsung on the TV and thought
it said spooky. Yeah they he came in here. I
don't know why the TV started doing this all of
a sudden, but I had that floating Samsung logo and
he was like, and they he was a ghost in
the TV. Him and may even reclaiming he was a
ghost in the TV. And he that's one of like
a screensaver where the Samsung logo like bounces off the
(18:30):
edges of the screen. Well, I watched that video, and
you know how I love to explain things to my son.
You you were being a wonderful mother, but I was
really really wanted you to say, do you know what
a company is? Because that was clearly the thing he
didn't understand, because you're like, Samsung is a company, they
(18:51):
make TVs, and he's like a company. Well, it was
just kind of funny to hear him keep saying the
word company. It was so funny. It's very cute. But
I needed to plaints him. So tonight, Uh, we were
in bed You followed up here, Well I came up.
I forget what it was, but I explained what a
company was. We got into some deep discussions at bedtime.
(19:14):
Well I explained that a company was, and I was like,
we like story pirates. A company is a group of
people that come together to to do work together. Like
the story pirates and and then so he got it
forget the context. But then we were we're you know
how I've talked about this before. We're reading. There was
an old woman who swallowed a fly and she dies
(19:37):
in the book, and we keep coming back to like
she's dead. Why is she dead? And I was like, well,
she swallowed a horse, and we really got into it.
I was like, well, think about it, Brandon, think about
a fly came by. It's this big. You could fall
a swallow fly, right. He's like, yeah, like you can
swallow a spider, right, He's oh yeah. I was like,
(19:58):
what about a bird? And I showed how big it
was in my hand, and we really got into it.
I was like, could you swallow really graphic inappropriate way
of teaching a kids graphic and I was like, you'd
have to chew it up, And she didn't chew it up.
She swallowing. Well there may even was like why did
she die when she swallowed a horse? And we got
(20:18):
into it. I was like, they see the tombstone at
the end. I was like, she's in the ground, and
I referenced their other book where they buried the scare
at the creepy pair of underwear. I'm not. I'm so
nervous now what they're gonna say at school, what their
takeaway from this conversation is going to be. Did I
tell you that I explained sex to our kids too?
(20:40):
I full on explained it. And I was like, if
I talked about body parts, what happens, and it was
totally fine, and it was he was. You could tell
Bryn understood more than he ever has. He's like mind blom.
Because I feel like this week I also sort of
talked about death with them, Um, I was. I feel
(21:03):
like this came up for a couple of reasons, because
we're going to a funeral for my great uncle in
a couple of weeks, and also because of the funeral happening,
my parents are visiting to help prepare for the funeral,
and they've been sending us pictures of me and my
siblings as kids. So I was like, Um, Basically, I
was like, oh, I guess now I can finally tell
(21:23):
Brennan Brennan that like, my brother died and he might
be able to conceptualize that there was this person, you know, um.
And so I told him and he didn't really like
he clearly just didn't understand it, didn't have a lot
of questions, but he was like, what, Um, I've mentioned
that to him a long time ago, and just I
was like, maybe this is something I'll mention casually so
(21:45):
that it's yeah, something that's just in the air. It's
come up before, but like not in a way where
I ever felt like it would really stick before, you know. Yeah,
I mean, I think he's at the age now where
if you really dug into it, he'd understand. Maybe, boy,
this is a we knows win. Um, the win was
about going potty. The I guess the fact that we're
(22:09):
telling our kids things is so win. Yeah, we're not
afraid to have I don't know if they need to
know about like choking to death on animals that you're consuming.
Supposed to be just a fun song, That's what I
kept saying. I'm like, I was like, well, how did
then the nave and got real? Stars Like, well, how
did she swallow it? I'm like, well, it's not real.
(22:29):
She's a cartoon, so she can do whatever she wants,
but she's dead. Yeah, Well, I guess they're still consequence.
It really got into some interesting questions. It's funny that
it's about that song because my great uncle who just died,
his wife would always play that song for us on
the piano, and it's like, it's just very Uh, it's
(22:50):
all full circle. It's maybe I could feel it. It
was appropriate to get into it. It's the way he
would have wanted his death explained through an old woman
who swallowed a horse. She died, of course, And now
(23:14):
it's time for we don't know. This is where we
discuss parenting quandary. Okay, so here's another thing we may
or may not have foxed up this week. Uh, it's
at least embarrassing. Okay. So the other day, Bryn was
doing one of his random casual boys don't wear dresses statements.
(23:37):
I don't know where. I don't remember where why it
came up, but he said that, um, and I was like, no,
sometimes boys wear dresses. And then you decided to elaborate
and you were like, yeah, they do wear dresses, like
on the show drag Race that I watched. Do you
know Bryan drag Race that I love? I know, But
it was like, again, I think maybe a little too
(23:59):
much information sation because he formed a picture in his
mind of the types of boys or men who are addresses.
So then later the week, um, we're we're going outside
this after the p incident, and I uh, there's a
lot of people coming in and out of our building
(24:19):
because there's an open house in the apartment next door.
So we are coming back inside the building and this
woman is leaving. She's like a tall woman with like
and like a sort of African accent, like um, Nigerian
or something. So she she's like very nice to us,
(24:41):
and it's like okay, like, um, she's like, I don't
know whatever. She says something the kids as people do
you are almost gonna do it. I just couldn't think
of any of the actual words she said to us,
but anyway, she says something to us and like a
slightly deep voice for a woman, And as we're walking in,
she's kind of like out of earshot, but bring goes
(25:03):
she's not a girl. She's not what you are. And
I was like, oh, woman, like she was gone at
this point, and he's like, yeah, she's not. And I
was like, oh my god, this is so embarrassing. I'm
so glad. I don't think she really heard him, but
I was like, that's like I mean, kids say stuff
(25:25):
like this all the time, I think, but like it's
so mortifying, Oh my god, because how do you joke
that away? Yeah, I don't know. I was just like,
because the thing is, even if she had not been
like born with female organs, she still would be a woman,
(25:46):
and it would still be bad for him to say.
So I feel like the setup that we gave him
for this to process this sort of scenario was not good.
But you know, that's one of those things where, um,
you'd love to just chalk it up to like, oh kids,
am I right? But you're this is brand clearly responding
(26:08):
to a woman who's perhaps a little taller with a
deeper voice than he's used to, and he's just learned
this thing, and so by saying that, he's speaking to
some sort of truth where he's recognizing. But this is
why I'm scared of giving him too much information, because
he emotionally cannot process all of what you're throwing at him.
It's true, but but you know, you you want to
(26:32):
normalize you all possibilities. I mean, this is this is
the challenge we're going to continually go through trying to
be open minded about the fact that not everyone's the same,
and so it's gonna come out weird because he's so
both of them so much want to identify things and
and gender and boys and girls rules as much as
(26:52):
we push against it. Like Brent just again was just
going on on about pink being a girl's color. Yeah,
although they got in to fight at dinner tonight because
may Haven one of the blue cup and Bryn had
wanted it, and then he was like, is blue your
favorite color? And she was like, yeah, blue is my
favorite color and he's like it is now and she's
(27:13):
like yeah, and he got He was like, well, then
pink's my favorite color now, and they like traded favorite
colors because he was mad so and then he asked
for the pink cup. I think he's just trying to
make her mad. They do. They've had that fight before
where I just heard him whisper to her, your favorite
color is blue. She's like, no, it's pink. I said
(27:38):
that I really liked pink, and Mayven got upset because
she's like, daddy's don't like pink. Yeah, I mean they
I think they do, unfortunately, get a lot of information
about like mommy's and daddy's and it's hard to avoid
that it's unavoidable, but I just keep trying to put
the idea in their head, okay, just that like, yeah,
(28:03):
well I like pink two and that's fine. And then
some people wear addresses and I'm it's trying to find
that balance between how much do you want to explain
it to people to a four year old? But I
think at this point it is just putting out those
light ideas out there that like, there's boys who wear dresses.
Let's seat lunch and we'll come back to the topic months.
(28:25):
There's like I think we've exposed them to a lot
of different things, but um, you know, trans people are
not people that are interacting with and their everyday lives.
So I think that's like one area. Like I know
in Brooklyn and a lot of cities they have uh
like drag Queen story hours like at the library and
(28:45):
that's really cool, but we don't have anything like that
up here. But you know what, I I was really
happy to be able to say to brand that like
you know, the Drag Race, you do know that show,
That's what that's I mean, that's not that's a very
specific thing, and there is I don't want him to
think that like that is hot, right, Like drag race
(29:06):
is not representative of trans people necessarily, it's a reality
trans people were also talking about, like gender fluid wardrobe.
Most of the people on drugs are not trans. Just
to be clear, it's true, um, but it was nice
to have at least some frame of reference to be like,
(29:28):
here's an example of where this is normal. And it's
like if that show wasn't on, what other practical example
would brind be able to connect to, you know what
I mean? Yeah, I just think I mean, I think
it's it's it's it's it's a positive. It's not the
(29:50):
best representation if I were a trans person, I would
not be psyched that that was the reference point. And
that's like a systemic failure, not solely a failure of
drag race, right, but the fact that like they're not
surrounded by actual trans people. It is nice that there
is a positive example of men wearing women's clothing and
(30:15):
it's not uh, it's not shameful, yeah, but I mean
it just could be clear terminology wise, even to say
men wearing women's clothing is not the away drag trans
people would want to be described. Sure, but we weren't
even necessarily strictly talking about trans people. It was literally
just do men wear dresses? It's like, yeah, some people
do for a lot of reasons. Yeah, I mean, but
(30:40):
again when we said boys, yeah, it's yes, your your
concerns are valid. Also, drag Race is such a good show.
Have I talked about this before? We know you love
drag Race. This next segment is called Listeners Want to Knows.
(31:08):
That's where we take some questions and comments from the listeners.
Thanks listeners. We've got a lot of emails this week
from last week's episode, Um, mostly about Pokemon. We I
went back and listen to it. We literally asked for
this to come and explain Pokemon, and people were happy
to very nicely. People all universally loved the fact that
(31:32):
you mislabeled Charmander as Charlemagne. And I gotta say, there's
a lot of comments from listeners telling me that I
am better on the podcast, slightly inebriated, and um, it
just is a nice microcosm of the entertainment industry as
a whole. I think I just like better drunk, just
(31:55):
you know, put yourself out there at all costs. Uh No,
I mean, we had fun. It was we have our fun.
We have our fun. Um. Anyway, well, I'm having a
drink wow wow as we speak, also having drink. I
also have drinking. All right, right for this, I'm gonna
(32:18):
skip around a little bit on that one. I can
hear that drink. Um. Speaking of this. Loved the latest
episode Buzzed. Beth was amusing as she kept interrupting Peter
for a change. That's true. Um, I loved it. I
wanted to write it about Pokemon. I grew up watching
the show, but my husband and and I I grew up. Sorry,
(32:44):
I grew up watching the show some, but my husband
and now I are great fans of Pokemon Go. We
use it when we go on our walks with our
dogs and enjoy the virtual stamp collecting aspect. So, as
you recall last week's episode, I picked side Duck and
Mew two as what I'd picked Maven and Britton to
be because they were literally just two of the few
(33:05):
that I could name. Um, but I didn't know what
they do. So they explained sid Duck is one of
the least intelligent Pokemon. It is pretty adorable, but has
the telekinetic powers that it hasn't mastered, so it waddles
around holding its head and its wings in pain. That's
what I chose for Maven Well, who even keeps that pokemon? Like?
(33:27):
Just get rid of it? Why because you pity it? Yeah,
because you're a good person. Just go let it live
in peace. And maybe it's sad because it's a slave.
Set it free. It can't take care of itself. Beth, Yeah,
that's a very colonialist argument. It sounds like it's mentally ill,
(33:51):
to be honest, and you want to just go throw
it into God, stop gas lighting it. Mew two is
a very potent choice for winning gym battles. Background You
two is a genetically engineered Pokemon that gains sentience and
attacked its creators before escaping. That's what I picked for
(34:11):
Brin neither one. I think we're good picks for our kids,
but they were two pokemon that I could name anyway unrelated.
Finally wanted to pose a uh would you knows? Or
what would you do? Is this is not a would
you know? This is a question what would you do?
As question? For you? My darling eighteen month old has
(34:34):
recently discovered that the satisfaction of hitting when being told no,
she isn't old enough to understand folk stories yet. So
do you have any advice on how to discipline or
correct the behavior. Did either Brin or may even enjoy
lashing out as young toddlers? If so, what did you do?
Did it work? All my best? Lela um? Our kids
(34:57):
have definitely hit us this week. Um. I think with
Toddler's the Janet Landsburg argument, I think is sort of
like you hold their hand and say, I can't let
you hit me, and you just try to stay calm
and repeat that. Um. And yeah, I think it's annoying.
(35:18):
You just have to keep It's the hardest part is
to not show any amount of aggression or shock or
emotion when they hit you. Because sometimes my kids have
hit me in the face and I can't help but
be like angry or hurt, and that just shows them
(35:41):
that heating has power. UM. So if you you are
able to just gently hold their hands and go, I
can't let you hit me. Um, it just takes the
the fun out of it, and it takes the power
out of it. Have we succeeded in this not? Well,
We're getting better. Both of our kids had major at
tantrents tonight before you got home, and both of them,
(36:04):
like I've noticed lately, if I'm just ignoring it, it
will sizzle out. I just have to ignore it for
a pretty long time. And I think luckily Brent is
developing some other like angry behaviors besides just like kicking
a wall or something like he like run away in
his room and stomp off and stuff. And you're like, yeah, good,
that's healthy. Leave us alone, you know. Um, he's gotten
(36:27):
really good at the dramatic storm I'm going away yeah,
which I like. I'm like, yeah, great, good for you.
And he forgets so fast. Um, Leela, this is what
did we help? We We have not figured this out.
(36:47):
It's just you just have to stay home. Um okay.
Next question. This is from Mary. The subject line why
our child doesn't have scissors at home? It says, hello,
congratulating on joining the no scissors movement that we are
also a part of. L O L. I'm half a
parenting team of an active, curious five year old who
thinks she knows everything. My husband and I were both
(37:09):
the type of children who strike fear into a new
parent's heart, wondering if their child will end up like them.
When our daughters started talking about cutting at school, we
just smiled and nodded. No the oh sorry, no way
was she getting scissors for her use in the house.
When I was about three, I had figured out how
to use those scissors that were only supposed to cut
(37:30):
paper to cut anything, hair, sheets, clothes, dolls, and probably
tried to cut the cat's hair too. All this before
my poor mom found me with them. My husband, at
the age of two, took scissors and found out how
many sparks come out of an electrical plug. I figured
that I'll let her have scissors after she is seven
or eight. Maybe. We also have had three parent teacher
(37:52):
conferences that had the awkward part of you know, she
can't use scissors very well, right, We giggle and tell
the stories. The teacher usually gets to look on her
face like she is wondering if she ever wants to
give our child scissors again to giggle. We also have
a no marker crayons only on tables house Thank you
for all the nose. Sorry I can't understand anyway, that's
(38:15):
the end of the question. There are no markers crams
only household. Oh, no marker crans only no markers. I
think they're saying crams only at the table right. Um. Anyway,
so that's so funny. I feel assured, what serie, you're
(38:36):
not on the show. Okay, so the third time you've
tried to be on the show. I feel slightly vindicated.
But I also I'm not sure I want to wait
until seven to let him music. But then again, he's
only going to get worse with them. Well, we don't
have the problem the grin is not interested in the scissors. No,
but I mean we keep them out of sight. Luckily,
it's true. I wish you'd keep them out. I mean,
(38:57):
I mean, but we took them out this week to
see if we get him to cut something, and he
was like, just not into it. Well, I made the
mistake of presenting the same test or like activity that
pre K does, and he's already decided that he's not
good at it, and so he goes ms ms. Miss
Myra says, I can just cut straight on the ones
you're not supposed to do. I think if we just
left them out let him play with it, he'd get
(39:20):
better faster. Maybe, yeah, maybe, But I also think there
might be like a problem because he's cutting with his
right hand, but he writes with his left hand. He
writes with his right hand. I think maybe more, Yeah,
I think he's reverting more to right hand. Yeah. When
(39:40):
he was doing the scissors, he kept switching hands, and
uh yeah, it just feels like he hasn't figured out
the right hand for it. He was a lefty forever
until he really started writing, and now it's like it's changing,
which is really which is really high you know. Yeah, well,
I mean we should just let him keep doing it
(40:01):
one way or another. Let's keep the sisters out and
see what I mean, let him write with his hands
as he will. I remember my cousins say something about
how he was sort of ambidextrous for a while as
a kid, and then I think teachers tried to just
push him to use one hand to like just for consistency,
(40:22):
and then he kind of just got better with that
hand and worse with the other. But I don't think
it's like, I mean, there's danger unless you're you know,
in Major Major League Baseball player. Doesn't matter. Yeah, that's
the only time it matters. The only time you want
to do both ways. Somebody right in let us know
(40:42):
the benefits are you a major league baseball player. Let
us know, are you Hall of Famer Mark Race? He
wasn't a switch hitter, he was a lefty boy. Nobody
cares about what I'm saying right now, go on, con
I'll say the one baseball factor. I know. Hey, Beth
and Peter. Longtime listener, first time emailer. I've been listening
(41:05):
to you guys since Beth's was a guest on One
Bad Mother. I'm really glad I found you guys. Anyway,
I've finished listening to the episode Relax, and I wanted
to reach out and thank you for the podcast. This
probably sounds really awful, but I enjoy listening to the
two of you have major disagreements on the podcast. My
(41:26):
husband and I cannot fight. We have diametrically opposed responses
when it comes to disagreements, and so we avoid having
them disagreements as much as possible until they build and
build and build and kaboom, marital discord. I feel like
my husband's response is much along the same lines as
yours seemed to be, Peter, and so it is fascinating
(41:49):
to me to hear you head down that same destructive path,
only to recognize that that is what is going on,
and being able to stop it and speak to your
feelings not and if not resolved the disagreement with Beth,
then at least be in a position where you can
separate yourself from your feelings and can examine them and
name them so that Beth can understand them too. I
(42:12):
almost want to make him listen to the podcast with
very not at all subtle hints. Do listen to Peter
uh So, Love whether you're doing, Love your insights, bah
bah bah Becks from Tasmania. Um boy, well, it makes
me sound like I'm really in control of my emotions,
(42:34):
doesn't it. Yeah, I'm through a compliment about me. No,
it was fascinating. Um No, I think this is interesting.
What I think is interesting about this email is um
her urge to not have fights, which I very much
relate to. But then also, like when you're putting off
(42:55):
those arguments, it just builds and builds, and there's certain
things that really need to be talked out at some point. Yeah,
I understand that. I and I think we we've both
come a long way in figuring out each other's conflict styles,
where we still we still go down dumb paths where
(43:18):
we we make each other angry in the worst way,
but we can see it coming. Um, like she sort
of described, but I understand that feeling of like I
have an issue, but I don't want to bring it
up because I don't have I don't want it to explode,
and I don't know if I'm in the right place
or energy to like get into it delicately. And then
(43:40):
sometimes those build up, and then when another argument happens,
I tend to like then throw in other issues unrelated
because because I'm like, I didn't get a chance to
talk about this, and it's like not the right time
for it, Yeah, and it makes everything worse. Yeah, Um yeah,
I mean there's some times I think it was when
(44:01):
your parents, where you're just to get through the day
and get everything done. There isn't a lot of time
to have those arguments. And then also, like you're saying, like,
sometimes you know you're not in a good mood and
it's not a good time to start that argument, so
you rationally put it off. But then the combination of
that and having kids and just not having any time,
it's like a powder keg because it's going to happen
(44:25):
at some point. Um. I also find that the best
time to talk about a real issue is when I
feel good. But when I feel good, I don't want
to ruin it by talking about an issue. Yeah, so
it only comes up when I'm angry about something else.
I will say that at least when you guys hear
us fight. And we've had real fights on this podcast,
(44:47):
but knowing you're all listening definitely puts us on our
quote unquote best behavior. And I think I'm able to
do what she described better here than in real life. Yeah,
I mean, it wasn't fun for me to have that
argument at the time. Oh, I had a ball. I
(45:09):
love it. I love Oh boy. Can we just talk
about how for some reason, I don't know that much
about Tasmania, but but the name Bex sounds exactly like
somebody who lives in Testa. Can you invite us over?
I want to go to Tasmania. Come on, it's not
(45:31):
that far away. It's just like literally, couldn't be any farther.
We'll do our best not to argue when we're there,
although she likes it, we will argue the way you described. Yes,
oh my god, if you invite us to Tasmania, I
promise we'll come up with something in the chaos of
vacation to argue about in front of you and your husband,
and we'll nail it. It will be the best going
(45:51):
to be You're gonna love it. I'll talk about how
I feel instead of escalating, I would describe how I
got here, and I'll take responsibility for my own part
in escalating and not listening earlier. And I'll identify where
your anger may have started that I didn't notice in
the first place. Amazing, Gosh, we're nailing it, Beth nailing it.
(46:19):
This has been closteners one who knows. This has been
another episode of We Knows Parenting. Guys. Come to see
our live show in Brooklyn on April. Go to We
Knows Parenting dot com and click on the live appearance
link and you can get tickets to that show. We
(46:42):
got Chuck Bryant from Stuff you Should Know. Abby Crutchfield,
if youre Eisenberg, We're gonna keep plugging it because we
want all of you there. It's gonna be you. Yeah,
that's gonna be a little field in Brooklyn. That's right. Um.
If you'd like to submit a question, share story gives
some advice or some just impossible parenting hypothetical. You welcome
to email us at we Knows Pod at gmail dot
(47:02):
com or leave us a voicemail at three four seven
three eight four seven three nine six. Find us on Twitter, Instagram,
and we Knows Pod Facebook. Uh. Find Peter McNerney Beth
Newell on on those instagrams, and dudes, we'll see you
next time, right,
We Knows Parenting News
Hosts And Creators
Beth Newell
Peter McNerney
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