January 28, 2020 • 55 mins
Bryn and Maeven put their mouths on everything and end up in urgent care, Beth and Peter peek into their own futures, and thank you for preordering Beth’s new book, “There’s NO Manual,” out on February 4th!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
I got to boom, Yeah, we're starting. Hello, Hello parenting
on peter Ric Comity. I'm Beth Noel. Back at it, friendos,
We're back. You keep thinking we're not going to be
(00:24):
We survived another week us believe it or we'll be back.
We literally did be back. Um, okay, let's get straight
to it. Illness, Let's get right to it. Okay, everyone,
Everyone's like, well, I think I think I said this
on last week's podcast, which is that everywhere in public
that we take our children, they put their mouths on
(00:46):
everything and lick things. And so I think you're giving
licking things too much credit for this illness. But I
have no way to back that up or prove it.
You think the licking of things in massively trafficked public
play face is full of other children had nothing to do.
I think it's why they don't get sick more. But again,
(01:08):
I have no way to back up that argument. Well,
I think that the oh my god, anyway, keep going.
I just wanted to just throw an unnecessary wrench in
in that continue they're looking things. So Wednesday, ish our
son develops a rash around his mouth and nose, and
(01:28):
I was like, this looks like not normal with something
that should be looked into. And I was like, I
think maybe he has like in patigo or hand foot
in mouth is coming back, and You're like, no, it's
just because the humidifier is blowing in his face. It's fine.
So then this rash so far, I just want to say,
totally accurate. So then this rash lingers on his face,
(01:52):
which is not like a good looking rash. It's like, no,
it did look like it was getting better to me,
because it did not. To me, was like a real
juicy one day and I was like oh, and then
and then continued to be gross, dried up, Okay, but
I apologize for our listeners. It's gross. So we're like
bringing our son to school, to public places, to birthday parties,
(02:16):
and I'm like, this is not good. To a new
school visit, to a new school visit, we're like living
our son. This is where he's literally being a set.
He's really literally being assessed. But in our defense, it
was the same day we had We're supposed to go
to our house to do some things in Brooklyn or
the place we're buying in Brooklyn, and it was like
we had all of these things that have been dragging
(02:37):
on to figure out how our life will actually be
planned for the coming fall. It's like we need it.
We're like, if we don't do this now, we're setting
our whole lives back another two weeks. So we um
we go and luckily did not sabotage her visit. Yeah,
(02:59):
well let's come back to that. Continue the illness anyway,
So we're just bringing our rashy kid around town and
then starting Friday just flaunting him and then Maven we're
the worst that this kind of thing. Then mavenu is
Friday in the midst of all this starts to feel
(03:22):
warm and we get her home and she has like
a low fever and I was like, it's and this
is again like classic Maven illness. This happens every time
where she just seems like kind of sick and we're like, yeah,
she kind of has a fever, but she's quiet and nice,
like she's just so like not a difficult kid that
(03:42):
you're just like it's fine. And the fever went away. Yeah.
I mean it wasn't like non stop, but I feel
like part of every day she was like kind of
fevery and like tired and like cranky and then, but
but you know, we're like, I don't know, there's all
these colds and things, and I was like, maybe part
of my mind was like, maybe Brin has a really
(04:04):
like another hand foot in mouth thing like our reoccurrence,
but it's milder this time, and maybe we didn't even
notice he had the fever because it was so quick
this time. And I was like, maybe she's just like
going to blow through this because when our kids got
hand foot month the first time, it was just like
a one day fever and then like a few dots,
(04:24):
you know. Um so and anyway, and once the rash comes,
there's nothing you can do about it at that point really,
So anyway, this is all happening. Finally, Friday morning, I like,
I'm like, oh man, I should take a look at
Brind's face, because I you have been Sunday morning. You
have been working all weekends, and it was like pouring
(04:44):
rain all day Saturday. So we just like hold up,
and I was like, let's just let these sick kids rest.
And then Sunday, I'm like I gotta go check and
see how this rash is doing. Because I knew you
were going to work in a couple of hours, and
then it was like the whole weekend is over, um,
And I look at his face. The rash is worse
and his eye is starting to look swollen, and I'm like, great,
so you take him to urgent care. His an eye
(05:06):
is not just swollen, but his lower eyelid is red
and disgusting and swollen, and in the gap has a
full like crust to it. Anyone listening to us who's
like a germophobe is like thinking, They're like, this is
the kind of parents I hate. Well, if you're like,
(05:28):
remember the first four months of this podcast was just
sickness reports. Do you remember when you printed something out
of the printer this week? A recipe? And Grin called
it a restaurant note. My kids think that the only
thing that comes out of the printer doctors. When you
(05:49):
print something, they go doctor's notes. And I was like, guys,
And so I printed a recipe and Brent picked and
it falls on the floor because the tray is never
were out. So Brent picked it up and looked at
it and recognized that it was like a recipe, and
he looked at being a restaurant note, and he I mean,
(06:09):
he was wrong, but he could have been more wrong. Yeah,
he's like getting really good at reading. Like now he'll
like he could pick up anything, and I'm like, he'll
sound out every word on the thing. Like he's like,
I'm so proud of him, you know, because that's been
saying that I can still barely read. And so it's
(06:32):
one of those like I feel like Forrest Gump when
I'm like, is he smart or he gets it from me?
Because I do know how to read. Um, well, you
know how. You know how to make sense of the words,
and I know how to deliver them anyway, I'll tell
you what I think. My I don't know, this probably
(06:53):
happens with you too, But my mom, I remember reading
to us like every night, like out of chapter books.
I can remember this happening in our old house, which
means it was when I was like three or four,
like I was like very little and like listening to
the entirety of Little House on the Prairie out loud.
So and I think you similarly and sometimes reading a
(07:17):
lot to her kids. I've been reading them the Magic
Treehouse books this week, um, and they're pretty into it.
So tonight we read Dr Seuss a BCS so Mayven
I have been working on our letters and bring his words,
and it's a perfect book for it. And for the
first time, I think Maven has known all her letters
for a while, but it's real coy about sharing her knowledge.
(07:40):
But tonight, you know, so each page is like big,
a little A what begins with a? And so I'd
have may even do all the letter parts and she
goes big a little what begins with a A? And
then Brin would read all the words and I've tried
to do that in the past with them sharing. And
then Bryan is just so terrible because she hesitates for
a second and he's like, it's an h mabn. I'm like, Britain,
(08:04):
let's help her, but give her a second. And he
was patient and he waited and she did the entire
thing correctly, as did his reading. Nice completely unrelated story
last night, I was, um, I forgot when I was
putting them to bed to give them their medicine because
(08:25):
they're so difficult to put to bed, and I remembered
like a half hour later something and they're asleep, So
I was like, Okay, I'm just gonna like gently wake
them up. This feels like a very like classic childhood memory,
like your mom waking you up, being like I forgot
to do this, don't wake up, but I'm putting this
thing in your mouth. It made me really feel like
(08:47):
I'm I feel relately, like I'm really we're really creating
childhood memories with them for the first time, and it's
like I'm like, wow, they're actually going to remember this. Um.
It doesn't even make you feel more like a mom
because you're doing things you remember your mom. It really
does like yeah, anyway, I so, I was like, I
had to give them their medicine, so they both So
(09:10):
the story that we didn't finish the language is that
you took Brand to urgent care. You got home, I
escaped for an hour to run errands because I was like,
I need to get away from these kids for like
at least one hour of this weekend or I'm going
to lose my mind. Um. And then came back and
then you left for work, and I was like, Mayven
still has a fever and she told me oh. She
(09:31):
then told me that her ear hurt, and I was like, fuck,
I gotta get these kids back to urgent care. I
was like, I gotta deal with this now. Otherwise the
week starts and everything's going to hell. So I go
I take them to urgent care. They're like, it's a
forty five minute wait, and like, I don't think it
was actually that long, but I was like fuck. So
(09:51):
we get in there. I didn't really want to tell
you that there was no one there when I went, well,
there wasn't actually anyone in the waiting room. So I
was like, I feel like they're just trying to scare
me little bit. It's like management of emotions. Um, anyway,
get in there. Mayven doctor comes in with a face
mask on, and I was like, yeah, it's bad out there.
(10:11):
Also yeah, and then while we're in the waiting room,
there's like a doorstopper at like door knob height, and
Brin walks over to it and puts it, puts his
mouth on it, basically just like makes that with this thing.
I was like, what are you doing? I was so annoyed. Okay, well,
by the way, we didn't say that, hey, he has
in fatigue. He's coming back to the same location that
(10:34):
just diagnosed him with in fatigue his inpatigue a few
hours earlier to wipe his in fatigue on the wall.
I just was like, I can't handle this kid. I was.
It's like I was getting so mad at them this week.
So then uh, we go in. Mayven has two ear
infections and then it's like classic ear infections, both ears,
(10:56):
and I'm like that it's this. It's the same thing
happen every time, where I'm like, why did I put
like I feel so bad, like I made her be
in pain for two or three days. She wasn't um anyway.
So then have to go back to CVS get a
second prescription. Now they're both on the same antibiotics, which
(11:20):
I think is going to be a blessing in the
end because they can't infect each other right now with anything.
Oh they are, they're immune. Yeah, well weirdly, weirdly he does.
Oh wait, So the story I was going to get
to was that I go to feed them and they
were like not really waking up. Mayven kind of wake up,
and they're like I would like drip a little bit
(11:42):
of it in their mouth to try to like gently
wake them up. As I was, I was like kind
of touching them, but they weren't waking up, and I
drip a little bit in their mouth and then they
would like purse their lips and it was like, just
this the funniest thing of like it felt like they
were newborn babies again because their faces were so ridiculous.
And then and May even eventually kind of woke up
(12:03):
and I explained what was happening, and she drank it.
Bryn did not wake up at all and just suckled
like a newborn and like like his lips were so funny,
and he was just like just like it was so crazy.
I was like telling my friends afterwards. I was like,
if you want to go feed your kids something in
(12:23):
their sleep, I highly recommend it, Like it was just
so funny. You gave him medicine last night, Yeah, you
weren't supposed to. Why not because for some reason, he
gets one dose a day and she gets two doses
a day. M well, no, no, he's got too many antibiotics.
(12:46):
I think better stronger than weaker. It'll be fine. I
mean that's I'm sure that not keeping up with it
is worse. But smaller dose once a day and she
has a bigger dose twice a day. Yeah, she does have.
And he's got his I cream that he has to
do three times a day. And I'm debating do I
(13:06):
have to go to school in the middle of the
day to give him his second dose? I just do
two at night. At first, I was like, maybe we
need to do that, but today his eyes already clearing up,
and I'm kind of thinking we can just do two times.
I might. I might go at three o'clock just tomorrow,
like before he goes to after school, and she'd be like,
can I just squirt listen as eyeball please thank you
(13:28):
by Yeah. It might be that's nice for us to
look like involved parents who are aware of it. It
might be good to be show ourselves to his teacher,
who never sees us because comes from before caring and
it goes to after school. That's also part of the
craziness of this weekend is that it was like pouring rain,
(13:50):
like so hard, and I had to bring Bran to
this birthday party. How did that go? And I was
like trying. I was like, it's raining so hard, I'm
just gonna leave it in the car, like right outside
the place and try to run him in. But then
of course it's like a chaotic like it was like
a sports activity play center, and he wiped his in
fatigue all over the sports center. Yeah, his undiagnosed in fatigue. Um.
(14:14):
So we get in there and he's like, I'm looking
around And it wasn't really until I walk in that
I realized, like, I don't know anyone who. I was
like just looking for someone who looked like they're greeting people.
And I looked at this mom and I was like,
are you Eatin's mom? And she's like yeah, and she
was like staring at me blankly. And then I was
like and then I just it was very awkward because
(14:36):
I was like I had to get in the back
of my mind. I was like, I have to get
back out to the car because Mayven's just sitting there
and I'm already been like looking around, and so I
was like, so I can leave until six, like you know,
it's just like really like abrupt, and she's like yeah.
And then I was like, oh, I should have been nicer. No,
I mean, I said, like, I'm I had said I'm
(14:56):
Brand's mom, Beth, like this is Brand, but I like
it was like so comment six. I was like, so
you got this goodbye? Um so, and I was like, sorry,
my daughter's in the car. But when I came back
to pick him up. I had a nicer conversation with her,
and I felt better about it, But it was yeah
(15:18):
and he and the other thing that happened when we
got there that added to the awkwardness is that he
she The first thing she said to Brand when I
was like, this is Brand, she was like, do you
like sports? And he was like no, and like and
he did that to us twice this week where he
was like, we were at this new school that we're
(15:38):
like interviewing at and they were like, so do you play,
Like I don't know baseball or whatever. He was like no,
what what did he say? He was like, oh, we should?
Uh he it was very we should. We should talk
about at in full in a minute. Um, I want
to continue to just end the sickness story because to
(16:00):
day they were both couldn't go to school. So I
was home and it was fine except that the internet
was out. It was dead. It was out. Um, I
couldn't I couldn't put on TV for them, But I
also couldn't do work. There was like I was at
(16:20):
home and I thought I could, like I have a
lot of work to do, Like I have a lot
of screens to be looking at, and I couldn't do
a gosh darn thing, and so I finally go. I'm like,
I assumed the Internet just you know, turns back on.
And I went to finally look, you know, at the
insane FiOS box in the closet. It's like, you know,
(16:43):
it looks like it looks looks like a massive backup
generator for a house. And I go and the battery
light is on, and I read all the things, what
all the lights mean, and but it's looked like it
was fine. And then a few hours in, um, it
(17:03):
starts beeping very loud, and I go in and then
suddenly it says the battery light is out, and I'm like,
I just replaced this battery. It suppos the last three years,
it lasted two. This is BS So I look it up,
but I'll check out the things. I'm like, the batteries.
The light is off, which means no power or low power,
battery dead. So I take out this massive battery. I
(17:25):
look up where you will buy a battery. I throw
the kids in the car and I go buy a
forty battery at the battery store. Um. Then we go
get your prescription, and then we buy a donut because
I promised bring yesterday. We get home, I put in
the giant battery and I'm like, a great, I fixed it,
(17:46):
and then I closed the door and I look down
outside of the closet where there's that massive plug to
that unit, and it's unplucked. One of our children ripped
this thing apart and unplugged it. That's very funny. And
I'm like, why the hell is there a forty dollar
(18:08):
battery for this thing when it's just plugged in. So
now we have a spare battery. No, I recycled the
old forty battery when I was there. Um, oh well,
And then it looked up the whole thing is a
backup unit. A forty battery for a backup unit. I actually, sam,
I actually had a very similar thing today, which is
(18:31):
that I went to install something on my computer. This
is not interesting, but I couldn't install it because a
few months ago, or a couple of months ago, I
was trying to like, I was trying to try to
change some settings and figure out how to put some
controls on my computer so that I could control my
(18:52):
social media use. And I just wanted to be able
to focus during the day, and so I went into
the users, and I must have read something wrong online
and like did a wrong thing. And what I had
done was I put parental controls onto my account, my
user account on the computer, which is the only user
(19:16):
account on the computer. So when you go to change
the parental controls and then asks you for an admin password,
there's no other account that you could ever have a
password for that exists anywhere, So you're just you can't,
like if you give it the password for the one account,
it's like no, that account doesn't have parental control. So
(19:38):
so I had locked myself out of like doing software
updates and certain things to the computer. And it was
just like I was like and it was one of
those things where similar to you, where I was just
like I have to deal with this today or my
life's just going to start to fall apart um. And
I happened to have like a spare hour where I
had done a lot of work and I was like, Okay,
I just figure this out today. And it was like
(20:01):
I chatted with Apple online for a while. There's like
two different like people recommending the same solution that didn't work,
and then they're like we're going to call you back
with a specialist or something, and then they called me
back like an hour later, and there this woman tried
to walk me through like the same things from earlier,
and then she's like, I have to give you to
(20:22):
my superior. And I was on the phone for like
a full hour and this guy specialist Superior. They're like
they finally walked me through a solution where I was
able to go into um like recovery mode on the
computer or something and like create another account like a
root user. I don't exactly know what that means, but
(20:43):
it's like it's a special kind of user. And then
I had to log in as that user and give
parental controls back. And it was like this it was
like kind of a fascinating thing where you're like you,
I don't know, you design. You have to design these
stems that have like you're able to control things and
(21:04):
then these things like it was just interesting how many
people at Apple didn't quite know the answer. And I
was just like I found out. So I built our
entire news system at story Pirates, which is not a
skill set I've had until this year, and I rebuilt
the entire system original and I was like, this is great.
(21:25):
And then someone pointed out to me today that I accidentally,
if people looked in the right place, gave every single
person in the company access to payroll where they could
see exactly how much everyone is being paid. But fortunately
it was brand news, so there's only like one week
of entries and the nicest person on the planet discovered
it and told me immediately that's like, I love you forever.
(21:50):
Your moral fiber is strong. Yeah, well, because you don't
want them to know that you make eight thousand dollars
a year from story Pirates while most people about I
want them to think I make that, and I'll know
that I don't. Um. Oh boy. Yeah. The fun thing
(22:10):
about having like being in a small business is I
think you want to give off the appearance of being successful,
otherwise no one will think you know what you're doing.
But the reality is that people think you're making so
much more money than you actually are that they judge
you as though you're the CEO of Like my favorite
(22:32):
corporating ever was early on somebody was trying to criticize
you for how much Reductor is paid, and there they
were like, well, you wouldn't pay your graphics people, like
your pr people that that little and not understanding that
Beth is all of those things. There are no graphics people,
(22:53):
there are no pr people. It's two people in a room. Yeah,
and that's like super annoying to hear that. But what
a compliment that you've created this thing. I'm a very
frustrating compliment, I'll say. But it's fine. Um, it's the
cost of doing business. And now it's time for everyone's
(23:28):
favorite segment. Did you knows that my wife wrote a book?
Did you? Did you know? You know? I started talking
about it because it's coming up, and boy is it applicable.
So guys, I'm sorry, but you have to hear me
promote myself on my podcast and my book is coming
out very fourth The book is called There's No Manual,
(23:51):
Honest and Gory Wisdom about Having a Baby. Um, you
can find it on Amazon and maybe other places. I
haven't seen all the links. But um, there's some weird
places you'll never know about Beth. I bet there's some
really weird fucking places that you can just find that book.
I will say the um. The book has a lot
of dirty drawings inside of vaginas and people's insides and
(24:16):
inside the book of vaginas or inside of Vaginas. Are
there pictures inside the Book of Vaginas or their pictures
inside the book of the inside of Vaginas? You're gonna
have to buy it to find out, baby. Um No,
it's it's it's a lot of useful information in terms
(24:38):
of your body, I think, but also sort of you
know what. We had a really great endorsement by Rachel
Bloom on the back of the book and she calls
it a fun hang. Um, I'm saying, I'm reading it
right now, you're reading it right now. I've never read it.
You told me that you did. Sneak into the drop
(24:58):
box and look at it. I looked at all the pictures,
but I was like, just the picture, you know what
it shows? I was like, is this the inner side
of vagina or the It's so hard to tell where
it begins. I'll explain it to you later. Um yeah,
but it's uh yeah, there's a lot of good stuff
in there. We keep it fun. It's meant to be
(25:20):
encouraging of moms and reminding new moms to prioritize themselves
and take care of themselves throughout the process. And it's
we Um worked very hard to try to keep it
in a non judgmental tone in terms of what choices
you decide to take on your own parenting journey, much
like you know the tone of this podcast you know
(25:42):
what um as someone who literally just started it and
as fresh eyes on that tone, UM, I would say
that is very much what what I love about it
so far. Honestly, goodness, you guys. You mean this may
be not surprise to you that like this is the
first I've read it, um, and that it has this
(26:04):
incredible tone of one. It has the point of view
um um. So it's not wishwashy, and it's like, you know,
whatever you want. It's just saying, hey, here's all these things.
There's what you should think about. But it's but we're
not judging you for like there's no one way for people.
We're yeah, we're trying to strike the balance of being like,
(26:26):
you have choices in your opinion matters, and also here's
some facts and statistics that might inform you, Like, we
don't want to be completely without grounded nous or information
like That's where I think the part of why Jackie
and I wrote this book is like we sort of
(26:46):
clung to each other as new moms, as I think
a lot of new moms due to their other friends,
you kind of like you seek each other out because
you're like, what's happening, because no one fully tells you
what is going on? And so we wanted to give
some sort of like perspective and encouragement here in this
world where like women are being being given sort of
(27:10):
a scary and overwhelming amount of clinical information that is
not like it's it's often like supercharged in a way
that it is not um in proportion to the actual
level of danger uh that is happening for a mom
and her baby. And it's also like, you know, people
(27:31):
in this world do a lot of like there's a
lot of bad things that could happen to You could
get hit by a car at any moment, but it
doesn't mean that when you're reading a book about walking
down the street, like every page should like be telling
you about all the ways you get hit by a car.
Like there's like I think that when you're entering parenthood,
a lot of the information is just very clinical and
it's like you could you could have this disease or
(27:53):
your baby could get hurt. You know, like that really
does make them see all make them seem all equally likely. Yeah,
and I think so we wanted to sort of not um,
you know, tell you to ignore your health or those
things which sort of put in perspective and remind you
to take care of yourself and your emotions, and like, yeah,
(28:15):
and there's the thing that really another thing that really
struck me about it is there's all these different segments.
You know, it says when in the beginning, there's like
here's your symptoms, and every other time I've read, you know,
here's what you may experience as a new mother in
the first few weeks of pregnancy. That like clinical list.
It's like the same as like reading sex said, we're
(28:36):
like the penis becomes hard in his place. But you guys,
you I have never read a thing that made me
feel pregnant. And I don't know what it feels to
be pregnant, but the way you paint the picture. When
I was pregnant, I was really like trying to find
something that like especially like I really wanted like a
(28:57):
movie or TV show that like if you were I
don't know, if you're having this big life changing thing,
you want to sort of like feel excited and feel
the joy of that and there wasn't anything out there
that's sort of like encompassed the experience of being pregnant
on a visceral level, like like you would I would
have all these moments when I was pregnant were like
(29:20):
I would be in my third trimester and like look
down at my nipples and be like, there's stuff starting
to use that in my nipples, and like it's not
like I mean, it's like a completely normal thing that
like I had never seen portrayed in any medium whatsoever,
and like was sort of barely referenced in the clinical books.
(29:41):
Like it was just like you're you know, what is
that stuff called? It's like not before it's like the
pre milk um calostroom colostom. Yeah, you showed it to me.
I was like, yeah, well, and you don't, like a
lot of people, like you don't really realize your breast
milk isn't going to come out of like one hole
out of your nipple, Like that's the thing that never
(30:01):
occurred to me, right, And it's just all of these
things that you think we would know about because this
is happening all around us all the time, and literally
all of us are like a result of this process
of a person growing inside of a woman, but we
just refused to talk about any of it. Like that.
I forgot how much that blew my mind that you
(30:22):
like squeezed it and it like it beaded, this liquid
beadd in a bunch of different places. I was like,
what the beauty of motherhood? And well, I what I
think makes me get really like sensitive about all this
stuff too, is that I see, like people are so
revolted by you talking about this, Like if you're outside
(30:42):
of like parent circles, like people are like like they're
like you're they think you're insane, And and I see
like women policing other women in this weird way where
I'm like, it wouldn't really, it would never in any
circle I know, be a acceptible of me to criticize
someone for not having kids. And I think that's a
(31:05):
good thing. But then at the same time, I'll see
people be like, don't post a picture of your newborn
baby on social media. That's disgusting. And I'm like, the
way that you entered the world and literally all of
us is disgusting and should never be seen by human eyes,
Like what are you talking about? Like you know, like
it's just people are very like, uh, quickly put off
(31:28):
by anything related to women. Well, it's it's mean in
just in the larger sense. It's just like I've not
seen that before, so I must not be something I'm
supposed to see, so right, exactly. And I think that's
like what people fail to realize on a general basis
(31:53):
is that like there racism or sexism is happening on
a very subconscious level. So like when they're when people
are complaining about certain things, like no one is accusing
you of like saying the N word or like grabbing
a woman on her hit, Like, it's like they're asking
you to think about your own subconscious decisions and biases
(32:17):
like that's. Yeah, the most common stuff is the stuff
you've literally never thought about before. Yeah, because I mean
because you've never had a reason to her, just because
that's not how we talk about things. That's not what's
presented in media. You said. Anyway, if you want a
lot of these um juicy feminist analysis of the female experience,
particularly through housing a baby in your body, please pre
(32:41):
order There's No Manual and buy it for your pregnant friends.
It really is the book that Jackie and I wish
we had had what we were pregnant, So I hope
you have someone you can buy for. Just to come
back to the same point, because this is indicative of
how far into the book I am. Um, but you
(33:02):
guys said such a great job of of I don't
know I've said before painting a picture, but something you
said just like how you you'll feel. You know, describing
feelings in clinical terms is the worst way to describe
a feeling, and so it takes writers and it takes
comedians two to give us the scenario and the way
(33:25):
to describe a way a person who's reacting to a thing,
to make it visceral for me to understand those feelings.
So like when I was again reading like those symptoms things,
I was like, oh, I'm feeling it because you're making
me empathize, and you're making me see a person instead
of a textbook of anatomy, which I don't empathize with.
And you know, just to loop it back, as I
(33:46):
like to do to my favorite girl, Elizabeth Warren, I
do like my watch, I was like, why are we
gonna get back to that? I really what I love
about her as a leader is that I think she
gives you a really visceral human story to some really
statistically prevalent issues and statistically sound solutions on amending them,
(34:12):
and vote for women's well. Speaking of Elizzeth Warren and
being on tour to promote things, are you going to
be doing any events for THEE I currently have one
event on the books and it's on our book released
day February fourth. I'll be Enrichmond at a lesbian bar.
(34:34):
It's called Babes. It might just be called Babes. It
might be called babes something, and I will try to
post that to our social media. Okay, now, I I
know that lesbians can have babies and do have babies.
(34:55):
Go ahead and say something. Do you recognize the wonderful
irony of having a pregnancy And there's no irony there,
There's only irony there if you are biased towards leslie. Okay,
boy um, that's great. I wish I could go, but
(35:16):
I'm going to be here watching our children. Yeah, maybe
I'll bring them. Maybe I'll surprise you. Please don't let
me just be cool for one night and hang out
at a lesbian bar without my children. You can't hide
the fact that you have babies, especially when you're at
a launch party for the book where you're an expert
on having babies. But it's like everyone's like, look at
(35:38):
this sexy, vibrant woman and she also has babies, Like uhh, yeah,
you're crush. That's what they're thinking. That's what they're all thinking.
Anyone who shows up to that book released party and
judges you for being mom is has a story I'm
interested in hearing. Tell your Richmond friends, gay or straight,
(35:58):
all are welcome. Sound it. I process that as your
rich man friends. Tell your rich man friends. Do you
tell your rich man friends to buy this book? Tell
all your friends, your rich man friends, your poor women
and enemies. Tell your rich man friends, this is sexy
book for parents. It's got diagrams of the inside and
(36:22):
middle and outside of vaginas. May even picked Tonight for
her book. So we always we do three three books.
Brand picks one, man picks one. I picked one, and
May even picked the kids sex said book basically the
one that was in the living room and not in
their bedroom. Um no, a different one. It was like
(36:44):
the one that really gets into everything. Amy. I was like,
this is really long, maybe and we're gonna have to
do one chapter, and so we basically just did anatomy.
I do think that's like unfortunately, feels like it's becoming.
Next on my to do list is to like write
a better kids sex book, because I don't enjoy reading
(37:05):
the language in those books. I'm I'm good at it. Yeah,
maybe his giggles Brent is like actually interested just like
giggles all over. It's not the clinical stuff that bothers me.
It's just the way their way with words. I don't
enjoy in some of those anyway. I mean, honestly, write
(37:27):
that book. You would write an incredible it's only because
the books are from like thirty years ago, and it's
just like yeah, and who really like stop dancing around this,
like just it's like they've got animal narrators. Uh. I
guess that's fine. It's pretty good. It's better than than
(37:50):
the ones. I'm being grown up. There's probably some other
ones out there that we don't have. I don't know,
well maybe really it was giggling at butts they don't
know what and the anus is they brand bring quietly
just went our kids love butts um and they also
(38:13):
on the buttocks is the full name of butts. That's
part of what bothers me about these seventies sex books,
where I'm like, let's just pretend I don't need to
give my kids buttocks, Like that's not like that's not
coming up for them. That's not something I need to
get ahead of. Let's leave it. Let's leave it. Let's
(38:37):
just all agree to let go of buttocks literally something
they find out at age sixteen in some literature class,
and then that they're actually called buttocks. Yeah, they're like
reading it in some Charles Dickens novel and then they're
(38:57):
like they lose their minds for like half of class.
Nicholas Nickleby released those buttocks at once? Um, yeah, is
that Charles Dickens Nicholas Nickleby. Uh, it's don't like it,
but it might not be. It's the kind of name
that Charles Dickens would use. It's going to be like
(39:18):
when I sang the wrong song for five for Fighting Now,
I actually want to know the song I did sing
was that like, oh no deaf found dam down, don't
no yo yo? Superman was like in a bird half
that's the correct one. That's mad play. I want okay
(39:41):
so fifty so as we talked about that episode. Five
for Fighting is a reference to the hockey five minute
penalty for fighting. We don't need to get back in. No, no,
just we don't have to, but I'm already there, so
we obviously is the furthest thing from the tone of
(40:03):
the band five for Fighting, which is all we already
talked about. But my question is, OK, I want people
to write in, stop it shot up, and I want
to hear what other bands you think have the most
ill fitting names given their style of music. It's a
fun question. You can also email us with a parenting
(40:26):
question an article they liked about parenting as you can
just email me my secret email address. Review of my book,
that's the six Sexy Book for Parents as soon as
you preorder, go to Amazon and rate it, and then
say the Sexy Book for Parents. The reviews say, I
(40:46):
have a band with an ill fitting name five stars.
This next timement is called would you knows this, where
we present each other with parenting hypotheticals. Here we go.
(41:10):
So this comes to us from Anna Um, who's written
in before. Her subject line is love you guys to
exclamation points. Hi, we knows pod. I'm a frequent listener
of the pod, second time writer, and a huge fan
of your all caps gorgeous family parentheses all caps L
(41:31):
O L exclamation point. Why is that funny, Anna, that
we're gorgeous? Are you not serious? I think we're gorgeous.
Just kidding. I'm twenty five years old with no kids
just yet, but maybe in the future. I'm still deciding
if that's the route I want to take. But if
I do get knocked up, Beth's book will be the
(41:51):
first thing I order. Laughing till I cry a Moji
face again. That's it feels like you're undercutting the previous sentence,
just kidding. You're great. So I came across this hypothetical
online and instantly thought I had to write in and
share it with you. I just realized before I read
(42:12):
this hypothetical that there's nothing parenting related in it. So
I'm on the fly, gonna change it to make it
a little more applicable. Want me to read it, and
then I'm going to change it. You find a book
and begin to read, only to discover that it's your life.
You get to the point that you are at now
to turn the page knowing that you will not be
(42:34):
able to change the events to come, excited to hear
your answer and keep being awesome and a heart emoji. Wow, Okay,
I don't want your tweak. Just let her ask the question.
I think it would be impossible for me not to
read it. I would have to read. I would start
(42:54):
reading some of it and then see how it affected
the experience. You'd read like a day's worth. Yeah, it'd
be like, maybe that was a bad idea, But I'm
not not going to read a little bit. Boy. I've
actually been thinking about this a lot since I read this.
(43:15):
We are currently at a place in our lives where
I just want, more than anything to know when we
will be able to move into our new home. But
the thing is I'm assuming in this scenario is that
you can't change what happens. The thing with our home
(43:36):
is that I know that if our renovation is not
going to be done by a certain time and school
is starting and I want to get my kids in school,
I'm going to have to find a sublet or an airbnb.
So if I knew that in advance, I could plan
accordingly and not be stressed out the whole time about
what might happen. Well, here's how I read it. I
(43:58):
read it as it's not a not a like predictor,
it is this will happen this way, so you can't.
Knowing what's going to happen doesn't give you any room.
You still have to experience it. You still have to
experience all of it. It still makes me feel like
maybe I would let it wash over me as it
was happening, like if I knew that that was what
(44:19):
was going to happen, Like, but boy, what a gamble?
What if it like sucks? That's so depressing. I guess
you know, I just read ahead until there was one
really exciting thing to look forward to, and then and
then not read ahead, so I just have one thing
to look forward to. Yeah, I just kind of feel
(44:42):
like if I knew that, I would know to try
to be in the moment and enjoy that moment more
versus like I feel like like it's so hard, like
our careers are so unpredictable, and the thing like if
you talk to me like years ago when I was
still writing this book and like about the launch, I
(45:04):
would be like, I can't wait till the launch of
that book. I like, I'm so tired of writing. I
just want the writing to be done. But now that,
now that the books about to come out, I'm like, oh,
I can't believe I have to do all this book promotion.
I hate the promotion part of the book. I wish
I was just done. Like so, I think if I was, like,
if I had a sense of like what the difficult
(45:26):
difficulties were going to be, I would be like, Okay,
well that was the moment. I should have just relaxed
and enjoyed the launch party, like you know what I mean,
Like I should be doing that anyway. But I understand that,
but I think I would not do it. I am.
I live in the moment, for better or worse. Do
(45:48):
you well for better or worse? I don't. Sometimes I
think that's giving yourself a lot of credit. No, I
mean in a bad way too, not looking far enough ahead.
I mean, I think me at my best, but you're
not like lacking anxiety, You're not like present in the moment.
(46:12):
I don't mean to suggest that, but I think me
at my best. I take, um, I face difficult things,
um well with a sense of like, okay, great, what
do we have to do, let's get it done? Um me?
But me at my worst? Oh god, I I want
(46:35):
to be the person that is here now, that exists now,
and I'm open and excited about not knowing exactly in
not either way, if I read the book or don't
read the book, I'm not going to be fully present.
And that's the problem. I think maybe this might be
better for you than it would be for me. Yeah. Well,
(46:59):
it's like I feel like it's like that thing of
like when we found out we were pregnant both times,
and it was an accident both times, and I was
like it was sort of scary, not in the moment
of like not knowing if we're going to like move
forward with it, but once you're sort of like, okay,
(47:24):
this is happening to us, Like that is when it's
sort of becomes easier. Like that's where if sometimes you
just want someone who would like tell you what to
do and like what's going to happen, so you just
be like, Okay, this is gonna suck, but like I know,
I have no other option but to just deal with it.
You know, that's funny because that's it's happened when we
(47:46):
weren't expecting it either time. When it happened, it happened
so fast and that's for me. That was ultimately great
just to be like, oh fuck what um okay, great,
we're in it now, you know, as opposed to is
this the right thing? Should we is at the right time?
Because you're playing that game it who knows when it
(48:08):
would have happened? Um, you know. And so as an improviser,
that improviser philosophy of like, I'm at my best when
I'm confidently I don't know exactly where I'm going. Here's
my twist on the question. What if you pick up
the book and you realize that it's Maven's life, uh,
(48:31):
and that you could read ahead for her life, which
also would imply that you, you know, you probably find
the end of your life in there because you're part
of her story. Yeah. I would want to do that
because I think reading it would tell me where to
place the amulet that she discovers after my death. I
knew you're you're holding back at me with that amulet.
(48:52):
I gave you crystals for Christmas. I need I need
to be animated so that she can find it when
the time is right. You're wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
no one else can You're just quoting the plot of
Double Double Toil and Trouble the Ashley. I don't think
that's the plot of we watched it the other day.
(49:13):
There isn't that what I have to say about that day,
It's like we had I've been saying this month that
I'm we're having like crazy synchronicity, but I had, like,
truly the we had the weirdest synchronicity that day, which
is that we're going to bring our kids to look
at this new school which is right by BAM Brooklyn
(49:33):
Academy and Music, which is like a movie theater and
an actual theater, like, and so we're walking by and
I look up and this guy's walking out of BAM
and I was like, I guy looks like Michael Sarah.
Oh that's Michael Sarah. And it's just like that's weird,
like just randomly, this one morning, we're in Brooklyn, we
see this guy. So we're walking by and then I
(49:56):
forgot about it. We go to my sister's apartment to
give to bring her the kids, and she she watched
them for an hour while we were doing other stuff.
And she's watching an Olsen Twins movie with our kids,
which is so completely random. But double double Toil and Trouble, Yeah,
which she found on Netflix and they're watching it and
(50:18):
she was like, yeah, it's so weird. This movie stars
at one point a young Michael Sarah and we were like,
I can't believe you would bring him up of of
all people at all times. Like then, also, I fell
over a chair and hit my head and it went bam,
(50:41):
and that's why I was like, I know where to
put the ambulance. Uh, thank you, Michael. M Can I
just say that I had the best empanat of my
entire life. If you're ever near BAM or Atlantic Terminal
in Brooklyn, find Caesar's Empanadas load truck. Okay, that's not
(51:01):
the restaurant across this, you know. It's a food truck
right on the corner, a handsome place and near the
Apple store. Somebody said to me and I walked back.
I'm like, I'll get when I ate it. And then
he was walking down the sidewalk and I took a
bite of this and panata and I had to stop
and put my phone in my pocket, and I was like,
I can't be walking while I eat this. And I
just looked at this food as I ate it, and
(51:25):
it was just like Oh my god, I'm angry that
this is going to end. And it was so fleeting.
I'm like, I must have this again, turned back time.
I need the book of my life. I need to
I need to flip to go reread that moment. And
so then he remembered that somebody he can't remember who
(51:51):
caesars And it's all a simulation, you know what I mean? Boy?
See that if if somebody, if I started reading the
book and realized it was about me, I could not
stop reading because I love myself the never ending story.
But um, if somebody said, do you want to read
(52:13):
a book of your whole life, I'd be like, I know,
like me and food. I know you put it in
front of me. I'm like, how can I come? I know?
Do not give me that book and being you know
what I would do. You better keep that book away
from me and those and bananas, and unless there has ours.
(52:38):
On my deathbed, I would want to read the full
book of Brendan Maven's life on your deathbone. Well, you're
in luck because in your life on your life review,
after you die, you will look back at your life
and see all of that. I don't want to look back.
I want to look forward. Well, you'll understand your life
(52:59):
more in the contexts, and they probably get some understanding
of what you were sent here to set your kids
up for so great And I'd be like, oh, I
talked up there, I'm dead. No, because then you'll be
dead and you'll probably be able to be like a
guide to your kids. You know you when you said
the review of your life, I pictured the life review,
(53:19):
Life review, I pictures. Suddenly my life was like up
on Amazon, and then people were just writing reviews. They
were like, need salt, pretty good, pretty funny, needed salt.
That is kind of my review of you. I'm not
stuh Beth, you know what I really said as a joke,
(53:41):
but I think you wish that I was salt here.
I'm a little too sweet for your chase. Sweet. Yeah. Anyway,
this has been another week of we know it's parenting.
By pre order the book. There's no man, you all
um right now, right now, Amazon are literally wherever you
(54:06):
find books, and you know, if you're a nice person
and you're in a bookstore and you want to ask
them if they're stalking the book, that's cool too, because
that encourages people to order copies don't ask them if
they're stalking it. You should say, like, you're stalking this
book right? Uh, it's a sexy book for parents. Are
you not stalking it? Or do you want people to
(54:26):
come into your store every laps? This book slaps. This
book slaps. It's like ice cream. You scream, We all
scream for kids. Anyway, do you want to send us
an email, ask us a question, tend us a would
you know scenario, give us some advice. Um, you can
(54:50):
email us that we know spot at gmail dot com
or leave as a voicemail three four seven three eight
four seven, three nine six. Find us on social media Twitter, Instagram, Facebook,
and we nos pod. Great review, subscribe and we'll see
you next time. Todd, On to your job
I got to boom, Yeah, we're starting. Hello, Hello parenting
on peter Ric Comity. I'm Beth Noel. Back at it, friendos,
We're back. You keep thinking we're not going to be
(00:24):
We survived another week us believe it or we'll be back.
We literally did be back. Um, okay, let's get straight
to it. Illness, Let's get right to it. Okay, everyone,
Everyone's like, well, I think I think I said this
on last week's podcast, which is that everywhere in public
that we take our children, they put their mouths on
(00:46):
everything and lick things. And so I think you're giving
licking things too much credit for this illness. But I
have no way to back that up or prove it.
You think the licking of things in massively trafficked public
play face is full of other children had nothing to do.
I think it's why they don't get sick more. But again,
(01:08):
I have no way to back up that argument. Well,
I think that the oh my god, anyway, keep going.
I just wanted to just throw an unnecessary wrench in
in that continue they're looking things. So Wednesday, ish our
son develops a rash around his mouth and nose, and
(01:28):
I was like, this looks like not normal with something
that should be looked into. And I was like, I
think maybe he has like in patigo or hand foot
in mouth is coming back, and You're like, no, it's
just because the humidifier is blowing in his face. It's fine.
So then this rash so far, I just want to say,
totally accurate. So then this rash lingers on his face,
(01:52):
which is not like a good looking rash. It's like, no,
it did look like it was getting better to me,
because it did not. To me, was like a real
juicy one day and I was like oh, and then
and then continued to be gross, dried up, Okay, but
I apologize for our listeners. It's gross. So we're like
bringing our son to school, to public places, to birthday parties,
(02:16):
and I'm like, this is not good. To a new
school visit, to a new school visit, we're like living
our son. This is where he's literally being a set.
He's really literally being assessed. But in our defense, it
was the same day we had We're supposed to go
to our house to do some things in Brooklyn or
the place we're buying in Brooklyn, and it was like
we had all of these things that have been dragging
(02:37):
on to figure out how our life will actually be
planned for the coming fall. It's like we need it.
We're like, if we don't do this now, we're setting
our whole lives back another two weeks. So we um
we go and luckily did not sabotage her visit. Yeah,
(02:59):
well let's come back to that. Continue the illness anyway,
So we're just bringing our rashy kid around town and
then starting Friday just flaunting him and then Maven we're
the worst that this kind of thing. Then mavenu is
Friday in the midst of all this starts to feel
(03:22):
warm and we get her home and she has like
a low fever and I was like, it's and this
is again like classic Maven illness. This happens every time
where she just seems like kind of sick and we're like, yeah,
she kind of has a fever, but she's quiet and nice,
like she's just so like not a difficult kid that
(03:42):
you're just like it's fine. And the fever went away. Yeah.
I mean it wasn't like non stop, but I feel
like part of every day she was like kind of
fevery and like tired and like cranky and then, but
but you know, we're like, I don't know, there's all
these colds and things, and I was like, maybe part
of my mind was like, maybe Brin has a really
(04:04):
like another hand foot in mouth thing like our reoccurrence,
but it's milder this time, and maybe we didn't even
notice he had the fever because it was so quick
this time. And I was like, maybe she's just like
going to blow through this because when our kids got
hand foot month the first time, it was just like
a one day fever and then like a few dots,
(04:24):
you know. Um so and anyway, and once the rash comes,
there's nothing you can do about it at that point really,
So anyway, this is all happening. Finally, Friday morning, I like,
I'm like, oh man, I should take a look at
Brind's face, because I you have been Sunday morning. You
have been working all weekends, and it was like pouring
(04:44):
rain all day Saturday. So we just like hold up,
and I was like, let's just let these sick kids rest.
And then Sunday, I'm like I gotta go check and
see how this rash is doing. Because I knew you
were going to work in a couple of hours, and
then it was like the whole weekend is over, um,
And I look at his face. The rash is worse
and his eye is starting to look swollen, and I'm like, great,
so you take him to urgent care. His an eye
(05:06):
is not just swollen, but his lower eyelid is red
and disgusting and swollen, and in the gap has a
full like crust to it. Anyone listening to us who's
like a germophobe is like thinking, They're like, this is
the kind of parents I hate. Well, if you're like,
(05:28):
remember the first four months of this podcast was just
sickness reports. Do you remember when you printed something out
of the printer this week? A recipe? And Grin called
it a restaurant note. My kids think that the only
thing that comes out of the printer doctors. When you
(05:49):
print something, they go doctor's notes. And I was like, guys,
And so I printed a recipe and Brent picked and
it falls on the floor because the tray is never
were out. So Brent picked it up and looked at
it and recognized that it was like a recipe, and
he looked at being a restaurant note, and he I mean,
(06:09):
he was wrong, but he could have been more wrong. Yeah,
he's like getting really good at reading. Like now he'll
like he could pick up anything, and I'm like, he'll
sound out every word on the thing. Like he's like,
I'm so proud of him, you know, because that's been
saying that I can still barely read. And so it's
(06:32):
one of those like I feel like Forrest Gump when
I'm like, is he smart or he gets it from me?
Because I do know how to read. Um, well, you
know how. You know how to make sense of the words,
and I know how to deliver them anyway, I'll tell
you what I think. My I don't know, this probably
(06:53):
happens with you too, But my mom, I remember reading
to us like every night, like out of chapter books.
I can remember this happening in our old house, which
means it was when I was like three or four,
like I was like very little and like listening to
the entirety of Little House on the Prairie out loud.
So and I think you similarly and sometimes reading a
(07:17):
lot to her kids. I've been reading them the Magic
Treehouse books this week, um, and they're pretty into it.
So tonight we read Dr Seuss a BCS so Mayven
I have been working on our letters and bring his words,
and it's a perfect book for it. And for the
first time, I think Maven has known all her letters
for a while, but it's real coy about sharing her knowledge.
(07:40):
But tonight, you know, so each page is like big,
a little A what begins with a? And so I'd
have may even do all the letter parts and she
goes big a little what begins with a A? And
then Brin would read all the words and I've tried
to do that in the past with them sharing. And
then Bryan is just so terrible because she hesitates for
a second and he's like, it's an h mabn. I'm like, Britain,
(08:04):
let's help her, but give her a second. And he
was patient and he waited and she did the entire
thing correctly, as did his reading. Nice completely unrelated story
last night, I was, um, I forgot when I was
putting them to bed to give them their medicine because
(08:25):
they're so difficult to put to bed, and I remembered
like a half hour later something and they're asleep, So
I was like, Okay, I'm just gonna like gently wake
them up. This feels like a very like classic childhood memory,
like your mom waking you up, being like I forgot
to do this, don't wake up, but I'm putting this
thing in your mouth. It made me really feel like
(08:47):
I'm I feel relately, like I'm really we're really creating
childhood memories with them for the first time, and it's
like I'm like, wow, they're actually going to remember this. Um.
It doesn't even make you feel more like a mom
because you're doing things you remember your mom. It really
does like yeah, anyway, I so, I was like, I
had to give them their medicine, so they both So
(09:10):
the story that we didn't finish the language is that
you took Brand to urgent care. You got home, I
escaped for an hour to run errands because I was like,
I need to get away from these kids for like
at least one hour of this weekend or I'm going
to lose my mind. Um. And then came back and
then you left for work, and I was like, Mayven
still has a fever and she told me oh. She
(09:31):
then told me that her ear hurt, and I was like, fuck,
I gotta get these kids back to urgent care. I
was like, I gotta deal with this now. Otherwise the
week starts and everything's going to hell. So I go
I take them to urgent care. They're like, it's a
forty five minute wait, and like, I don't think it
was actually that long, but I was like fuck. So
(09:51):
we get in there. I didn't really want to tell
you that there was no one there when I went, well,
there wasn't actually anyone in the waiting room. So I
was like, I feel like they're just trying to scare
me little bit. It's like management of emotions. Um, anyway,
get in there. Mayven doctor comes in with a face
mask on, and I was like, yeah, it's bad out there.
(10:11):
Also yeah, and then while we're in the waiting room,
there's like a doorstopper at like door knob height, and
Brin walks over to it and puts it, puts his
mouth on it, basically just like makes that with this thing.
I was like, what are you doing? I was so annoyed. Okay, well,
by the way, we didn't say that, hey, he has
in fatigue. He's coming back to the same location that
(10:34):
just diagnosed him with in fatigue his inpatigue a few
hours earlier to wipe his in fatigue on the wall.
I just was like, I can't handle this kid. I was.
It's like I was getting so mad at them this week.
So then uh, we go in. Mayven has two ear
infections and then it's like classic ear infections, both ears,
(10:56):
and I'm like that it's this. It's the same thing
happen every time, where I'm like, why did I put
like I feel so bad, like I made her be
in pain for two or three days. She wasn't um anyway.
So then have to go back to CVS get a
second prescription. Now they're both on the same antibiotics, which
(11:20):
I think is going to be a blessing in the
end because they can't infect each other right now with anything.
Oh they are, they're immune. Yeah, well weirdly, weirdly he does.
Oh wait, So the story I was going to get
to was that I go to feed them and they
were like not really waking up. Mayven kind of wake up,
and they're like I would like drip a little bit
(11:42):
of it in their mouth to try to like gently
wake them up. As I was, I was like kind
of touching them, but they weren't waking up, and I
drip a little bit in their mouth and then they
would like purse their lips and it was like, just
this the funniest thing of like it felt like they
were newborn babies again because their faces were so ridiculous.
And then and May even eventually kind of woke up
(12:03):
and I explained what was happening, and she drank it.
Bryn did not wake up at all and just suckled
like a newborn and like like his lips were so funny,
and he was just like just like it was so crazy.
I was like telling my friends afterwards. I was like,
if you want to go feed your kids something in
(12:23):
their sleep, I highly recommend it, Like it was just
so funny. You gave him medicine last night, Yeah, you
weren't supposed to. Why not because for some reason, he
gets one dose a day and she gets two doses
a day. M well, no, no, he's got too many antibiotics.
(12:46):
I think better stronger than weaker. It'll be fine. I
mean that's I'm sure that not keeping up with it
is worse. But smaller dose once a day and she
has a bigger dose twice a day. Yeah, she does have.
And he's got his I cream that he has to
do three times a day. And I'm debating do I
(13:06):
have to go to school in the middle of the
day to give him his second dose? I just do
two at night. At first, I was like, maybe we
need to do that, but today his eyes already clearing up,
and I'm kind of thinking we can just do two times.
I might. I might go at three o'clock just tomorrow,
like before he goes to after school, and she'd be like,
can I just squirt listen as eyeball please thank you
(13:28):
by Yeah. It might be that's nice for us to
look like involved parents who are aware of it. It
might be good to be show ourselves to his teacher,
who never sees us because comes from before caring and
it goes to after school. That's also part of the
craziness of this weekend is that it was like pouring rain,
(13:50):
like so hard, and I had to bring Bran to
this birthday party. How did that go? And I was
like trying. I was like, it's raining so hard, I'm
just gonna leave it in the car, like right outside
the place and try to run him in. But then
of course it's like a chaotic like it was like
a sports activity play center, and he wiped his in
fatigue all over the sports center. Yeah, his undiagnosed in fatigue. Um.
(14:14):
So we get in there and he's like, I'm looking
around And it wasn't really until I walk in that
I realized, like, I don't know anyone who. I was
like just looking for someone who looked like they're greeting people.
And I looked at this mom and I was like,
are you Eatin's mom? And she's like yeah, and she
was like staring at me blankly. And then I was
like and then I just it was very awkward because
(14:36):
I was like I had to get in the back
of my mind. I was like, I have to get
back out to the car because Mayven's just sitting there
and I'm already been like looking around, and so I
was like, so I can leave until six, like you know,
it's just like really like abrupt, and she's like yeah.
And then I was like, oh, I should have been nicer. No,
I mean, I said, like, I'm I had said I'm
(14:56):
Brand's mom, Beth, like this is Brand, but I like
it was like so comment six. I was like, so
you got this goodbye? Um so, and I was like, sorry,
my daughter's in the car. But when I came back
to pick him up. I had a nicer conversation with her,
and I felt better about it, But it was yeah
(15:18):
and he and the other thing that happened when we
got there that added to the awkwardness is that he
she The first thing she said to Brand when I
was like, this is Brand, she was like, do you
like sports? And he was like no, and like and
he did that to us twice this week where he
was like, we were at this new school that we're
(15:38):
like interviewing at and they were like, so do you play,
Like I don't know baseball or whatever. He was like no,
what what did he say? He was like, oh, we should?
Uh he it was very we should. We should talk
about at in full in a minute. Um, I want
to continue to just end the sickness story because to
(16:00):
day they were both couldn't go to school. So I
was home and it was fine except that the internet
was out. It was dead. It was out. Um, I
couldn't I couldn't put on TV for them, But I
also couldn't do work. There was like I was at
(16:20):
home and I thought I could, like I have a
lot of work to do, Like I have a lot
of screens to be looking at, and I couldn't do
a gosh darn thing, and so I finally go. I'm like,
I assumed the Internet just you know, turns back on.
And I went to finally look, you know, at the
insane FiOS box in the closet. It's like, you know,
(16:43):
it looks like it looks looks like a massive backup
generator for a house. And I go and the battery
light is on, and I read all the things, what
all the lights mean, and but it's looked like it
was fine. And then a few hours in, um, it
(17:03):
starts beeping very loud, and I go in and then
suddenly it says the battery light is out, and I'm like,
I just replaced this battery. It suppos the last three years,
it lasted two. This is BS So I look it up,
but I'll check out the things. I'm like, the batteries.
The light is off, which means no power or low power,
battery dead. So I take out this massive battery. I
(17:25):
look up where you will buy a battery. I throw
the kids in the car and I go buy a
forty battery at the battery store. Um. Then we go
get your prescription, and then we buy a donut because
I promised bring yesterday. We get home, I put in
the giant battery and I'm like, a great, I fixed it,
(17:46):
and then I closed the door and I look down
outside of the closet where there's that massive plug to
that unit, and it's unplucked. One of our children ripped
this thing apart and unplugged it. That's very funny. And
I'm like, why the hell is there a forty dollar
(18:08):
battery for this thing when it's just plugged in. So
now we have a spare battery. No, I recycled the
old forty battery when I was there. Um, oh well,
And then it looked up the whole thing is a
backup unit. A forty battery for a backup unit. I actually, sam,
I actually had a very similar thing today, which is
(18:31):
that I went to install something on my computer. This
is not interesting, but I couldn't install it because a
few months ago, or a couple of months ago, I
was trying to like, I was trying to try to
change some settings and figure out how to put some
controls on my computer so that I could control my
(18:52):
social media use. And I just wanted to be able
to focus during the day, and so I went into
the users, and I must have read something wrong online
and like did a wrong thing. And what I had
done was I put parental controls onto my account, my
user account on the computer, which is the only user
(19:16):
account on the computer. So when you go to change
the parental controls and then asks you for an admin password,
there's no other account that you could ever have a
password for that exists anywhere, So you're just you can't,
like if you give it the password for the one account,
it's like no, that account doesn't have parental control. So
(19:38):
so I had locked myself out of like doing software
updates and certain things to the computer. And it was
just like I was like and it was one of
those things where similar to you, where I was just
like I have to deal with this today or my
life's just going to start to fall apart um. And
I happened to have like a spare hour where I
had done a lot of work and I was like, Okay,
I just figure this out today. And it was like
(20:01):
I chatted with Apple online for a while. There's like
two different like people recommending the same solution that didn't work,
and then they're like we're going to call you back
with a specialist or something, and then they called me
back like an hour later, and there this woman tried
to walk me through like the same things from earlier,
and then she's like, I have to give you to
(20:22):
my superior. And I was on the phone for like
a full hour and this guy specialist Superior. They're like
they finally walked me through a solution where I was
able to go into um like recovery mode on the
computer or something and like create another account like a
root user. I don't exactly know what that means, but
(20:43):
it's like it's a special kind of user. And then
I had to log in as that user and give
parental controls back. And it was like this it was
like kind of a fascinating thing where you're like you,
I don't know, you design. You have to design these
stems that have like you're able to control things and
(21:04):
then these things like it was just interesting how many
people at Apple didn't quite know the answer. And I
was just like I found out. So I built our
entire news system at story Pirates, which is not a
skill set I've had until this year, and I rebuilt
the entire system original and I was like, this is great.
(21:25):
And then someone pointed out to me today that I accidentally,
if people looked in the right place, gave every single
person in the company access to payroll where they could
see exactly how much everyone is being paid. But fortunately
it was brand news, so there's only like one week
of entries and the nicest person on the planet discovered
it and told me immediately that's like, I love you forever.
(21:50):
Your moral fiber is strong. Yeah, well, because you don't
want them to know that you make eight thousand dollars
a year from story Pirates while most people about I
want them to think I make that, and I'll know
that I don't. Um. Oh boy. Yeah. The fun thing
(22:10):
about having like being in a small business is I
think you want to give off the appearance of being successful,
otherwise no one will think you know what you're doing.
But the reality is that people think you're making so
much more money than you actually are that they judge
you as though you're the CEO of Like my favorite
(22:32):
corporating ever was early on somebody was trying to criticize
you for how much Reductor is paid, and there they
were like, well, you wouldn't pay your graphics people, like
your pr people that that little and not understanding that
Beth is all of those things. There are no graphics people,
(22:53):
there are no pr people. It's two people in a room. Yeah,
and that's like super annoying to hear that. But what
a compliment that you've created this thing. I'm a very
frustrating compliment, I'll say. But it's fine. Um, it's the
cost of doing business. And now it's time for everyone's
(23:28):
favorite segment. Did you knows that my wife wrote a book?
Did you? Did you know? You know? I started talking
about it because it's coming up, and boy is it applicable.
So guys, I'm sorry, but you have to hear me
promote myself on my podcast and my book is coming
out very fourth The book is called There's No Manual,
(23:51):
Honest and Gory Wisdom about Having a Baby. Um, you
can find it on Amazon and maybe other places. I
haven't seen all the links. But um, there's some weird
places you'll never know about Beth. I bet there's some
really weird fucking places that you can just find that book.
I will say the um. The book has a lot
of dirty drawings inside of vaginas and people's insides and
(24:16):
inside the book of vaginas or inside of Vaginas. Are
there pictures inside the Book of Vaginas or their pictures
inside the book of the inside of Vaginas? You're gonna
have to buy it to find out, baby. Um No,
it's it's it's a lot of useful information in terms
(24:38):
of your body, I think, but also sort of you
know what. We had a really great endorsement by Rachel
Bloom on the back of the book and she calls
it a fun hang. Um, I'm saying, I'm reading it
right now, you're reading it right now. I've never read it.
You told me that you did. Sneak into the drop
(24:58):
box and look at it. I looked at all the pictures,
but I was like, just the picture, you know what
it shows? I was like, is this the inner side
of vagina or the It's so hard to tell where
it begins. I'll explain it to you later. Um yeah,
but it's uh yeah, there's a lot of good stuff
in there. We keep it fun. It's meant to be
(25:20):
encouraging of moms and reminding new moms to prioritize themselves
and take care of themselves throughout the process. And it's
we Um worked very hard to try to keep it
in a non judgmental tone in terms of what choices
you decide to take on your own parenting journey, much
like you know the tone of this podcast you know
(25:42):
what um as someone who literally just started it and
as fresh eyes on that tone, UM, I would say
that is very much what what I love about it
so far. Honestly, goodness, you guys. You mean this may
be not surprise to you that like this is the
first I've read it, um, and that it has this
(26:04):
incredible tone of one. It has the point of view
um um. So it's not wishwashy, and it's like, you know,
whatever you want. It's just saying, hey, here's all these things.
There's what you should think about. But it's but we're
not judging you for like there's no one way for people.
We're yeah, we're trying to strike the balance of being like,
(26:26):
you have choices in your opinion matters, and also here's
some facts and statistics that might inform you, Like, we
don't want to be completely without grounded nous or information
like That's where I think the part of why Jackie
and I wrote this book is like we sort of
(26:46):
clung to each other as new moms, as I think
a lot of new moms due to their other friends,
you kind of like you seek each other out because
you're like, what's happening, because no one fully tells you
what is going on? And so we wanted to give
some sort of like perspective and encouragement here in this
world where like women are being being given sort of
(27:10):
a scary and overwhelming amount of clinical information that is
not like it's it's often like supercharged in a way
that it is not um in proportion to the actual
level of danger uh that is happening for a mom
and her baby. And it's also like, you know, people
(27:31):
in this world do a lot of like there's a
lot of bad things that could happen to You could
get hit by a car at any moment, but it
doesn't mean that when you're reading a book about walking
down the street, like every page should like be telling
you about all the ways you get hit by a car.
Like there's like I think that when you're entering parenthood,
a lot of the information is just very clinical and
it's like you could you could have this disease or
(27:53):
your baby could get hurt. You know, like that really
does make them see all make them seem all equally likely. Yeah,
and I think so we wanted to sort of not um,
you know, tell you to ignore your health or those
things which sort of put in perspective and remind you
to take care of yourself and your emotions, and like, yeah,
(28:15):
and there's the thing that really another thing that really
struck me about it is there's all these different segments.
You know, it says when in the beginning, there's like
here's your symptoms, and every other time I've read, you know,
here's what you may experience as a new mother in
the first few weeks of pregnancy. That like clinical list.
It's like the same as like reading sex said, we're
(28:36):
like the penis becomes hard in his place. But you guys,
you I have never read a thing that made me
feel pregnant. And I don't know what it feels to
be pregnant, but the way you paint the picture. When
I was pregnant, I was really like trying to find
something that like especially like I really wanted like a
(28:57):
movie or TV show that like if you were I
don't know, if you're having this big life changing thing,
you want to sort of like feel excited and feel
the joy of that and there wasn't anything out there
that's sort of like encompassed the experience of being pregnant
on a visceral level, like like you would I would
have all these moments when I was pregnant were like
(29:20):
I would be in my third trimester and like look
down at my nipples and be like, there's stuff starting
to use that in my nipples, and like it's not
like I mean, it's like a completely normal thing that
like I had never seen portrayed in any medium whatsoever,
and like was sort of barely referenced in the clinical books.
(29:41):
Like it was just like you're you know, what is
that stuff called? It's like not before it's like the
pre milk um calostroom colostom. Yeah, you showed it to me.
I was like, yeah, well, and you don't, like a
lot of people, like you don't really realize your breast
milk isn't going to come out of like one hole
out of your nipple, Like that's the thing that never
(30:01):
occurred to me, right, And it's just all of these
things that you think we would know about because this
is happening all around us all the time, and literally
all of us are like a result of this process
of a person growing inside of a woman, but we
just refused to talk about any of it. Like that.
I forgot how much that blew my mind that you
(30:22):
like squeezed it and it like it beaded, this liquid
beadd in a bunch of different places. I was like,
what the beauty of motherhood? And well, I what I
think makes me get really like sensitive about all this
stuff too, is that I see, like people are so
revolted by you talking about this, Like if you're outside
(30:42):
of like parent circles, like people are like like they're
like you're they think you're insane, And and I see
like women policing other women in this weird way where
I'm like, it wouldn't really, it would never in any
circle I know, be a acceptible of me to criticize
someone for not having kids. And I think that's a
(31:05):
good thing. But then at the same time, I'll see
people be like, don't post a picture of your newborn
baby on social media. That's disgusting. And I'm like, the
way that you entered the world and literally all of
us is disgusting and should never be seen by human eyes,
Like what are you talking about? Like you know, like
it's just people are very like, uh, quickly put off
(31:28):
by anything related to women. Well, it's it's mean in
just in the larger sense. It's just like I've not
seen that before, so I must not be something I'm
supposed to see, so right, exactly. And I think that's
like what people fail to realize on a general basis
(31:53):
is that like there racism or sexism is happening on
a very subconscious level. So like when they're when people
are complaining about certain things, like no one is accusing
you of like saying the N word or like grabbing
a woman on her hit, Like, it's like they're asking
you to think about your own subconscious decisions and biases
(32:17):
like that's. Yeah, the most common stuff is the stuff
you've literally never thought about before. Yeah, because I mean
because you've never had a reason to her, just because
that's not how we talk about things. That's not what's
presented in media. You said. Anyway, if you want a
lot of these um juicy feminist analysis of the female experience,
particularly through housing a baby in your body, please pre
(32:41):
order There's No Manual and buy it for your pregnant friends.
It really is the book that Jackie and I wish
we had had what we were pregnant, So I hope
you have someone you can buy for. Just to come
back to the same point, because this is indicative of
how far into the book I am. Um, but you
(33:02):
guys said such a great job of of I don't
know I've said before painting a picture, but something you
said just like how you you'll feel. You know, describing
feelings in clinical terms is the worst way to describe
a feeling, and so it takes writers and it takes
comedians two to give us the scenario and the way
(33:25):
to describe a way a person who's reacting to a thing,
to make it visceral for me to understand those feelings.
So like when I was again reading like those symptoms things,
I was like, oh, I'm feeling it because you're making
me empathize, and you're making me see a person instead
of a textbook of anatomy, which I don't empathize with.
And you know, just to loop it back, as I
(33:46):
like to do to my favorite girl, Elizabeth Warren, I
do like my watch, I was like, why are we
gonna get back to that? I really what I love
about her as a leader is that I think she
gives you a really visceral human story to some really
statistically prevalent issues and statistically sound solutions on amending them,
(34:12):
and vote for women's well. Speaking of Elizzeth Warren and
being on tour to promote things, are you going to
be doing any events for THEE I currently have one
event on the books and it's on our book released
day February fourth. I'll be Enrichmond at a lesbian bar.
(34:34):
It's called Babes. It might just be called Babes. It
might be called babes something, and I will try to
post that to our social media. Okay, now, I I
know that lesbians can have babies and do have babies.
(34:55):
Go ahead and say something. Do you recognize the wonderful
irony of having a pregnancy And there's no irony there,
There's only irony there if you are biased towards leslie. Okay,
boy um, that's great. I wish I could go, but
(35:16):
I'm going to be here watching our children. Yeah, maybe
I'll bring them. Maybe I'll surprise you. Please don't let
me just be cool for one night and hang out
at a lesbian bar without my children. You can't hide
the fact that you have babies, especially when you're at
a launch party for the book where you're an expert
on having babies. But it's like everyone's like, look at
(35:38):
this sexy, vibrant woman and she also has babies, Like uhh, yeah,
you're crush. That's what they're thinking. That's what they're all thinking.
Anyone who shows up to that book released party and
judges you for being mom is has a story I'm
interested in hearing. Tell your Richmond friends, gay or straight,
(35:58):
all are welcome. Sound it. I process that as your
rich man friends. Tell your rich man friends. Do you
tell your rich man friends to buy this book? Tell
all your friends, your rich man friends, your poor women
and enemies. Tell your rich man friends, this is sexy
book for parents. It's got diagrams of the inside and
(36:22):
middle and outside of vaginas. May even picked Tonight for
her book. So we always we do three three books.
Brand picks one, man picks one. I picked one, and
May even picked the kids sex said book basically the
one that was in the living room and not in
their bedroom. Um no, a different one. It was like
(36:44):
the one that really gets into everything. Amy. I was like,
this is really long, maybe and we're gonna have to
do one chapter, and so we basically just did anatomy.
I do think that's like unfortunately, feels like it's becoming.
Next on my to do list is to like write
a better kids sex book, because I don't enjoy reading
(37:05):
the language in those books. I'm I'm good at it. Yeah,
maybe his giggles Brent is like actually interested just like
giggles all over. It's not the clinical stuff that bothers me.
It's just the way their way with words. I don't
enjoy in some of those anyway. I mean, honestly, write
(37:27):
that book. You would write an incredible it's only because
the books are from like thirty years ago, and it's
just like yeah, and who really like stop dancing around this,
like just it's like they've got animal narrators. Uh. I
guess that's fine. It's pretty good. It's better than than
(37:50):
the ones. I'm being grown up. There's probably some other
ones out there that we don't have. I don't know,
well maybe really it was giggling at butts they don't
know what and the anus is they brand bring quietly
just went our kids love butts um and they also
(38:13):
on the buttocks is the full name of butts. That's
part of what bothers me about these seventies sex books,
where I'm like, let's just pretend I don't need to
give my kids buttocks, Like that's not like that's not
coming up for them. That's not something I need to
get ahead of. Let's leave it. Let's leave it. Let's
(38:37):
just all agree to let go of buttocks literally something
they find out at age sixteen in some literature class,
and then that they're actually called buttocks. Yeah, they're like
reading it in some Charles Dickens novel and then they're
(38:57):
like they lose their minds for like half of class.
Nicholas Nickleby released those buttocks at once? Um, yeah, is
that Charles Dickens Nicholas Nickleby. Uh, it's don't like it,
but it might not be. It's the kind of name
that Charles Dickens would use. It's going to be like
(39:18):
when I sang the wrong song for five for Fighting Now,
I actually want to know the song I did sing
was that like, oh no deaf found dam down, don't
no yo yo? Superman was like in a bird half
that's the correct one. That's mad play. I want okay
(39:41):
so fifty so as we talked about that episode. Five
for Fighting is a reference to the hockey five minute
penalty for fighting. We don't need to get back in. No, no,
just we don't have to, but I'm already there, so
we obviously is the furthest thing from the tone of
(40:03):
the band five for Fighting, which is all we already
talked about. But my question is, OK, I want people
to write in, stop it shot up, and I want
to hear what other bands you think have the most
ill fitting names given their style of music. It's a
fun question. You can also email us with a parenting
(40:26):
question an article they liked about parenting as you can
just email me my secret email address. Review of my book,
that's the six Sexy Book for Parents as soon as
you preorder, go to Amazon and rate it, and then
say the Sexy Book for Parents. The reviews say, I
(40:46):
have a band with an ill fitting name five stars.
This next timement is called would you knows this, where
we present each other with parenting hypotheticals. Here we go.
(41:10):
So this comes to us from Anna Um, who's written
in before. Her subject line is love you guys to
exclamation points. Hi, we knows pod. I'm a frequent listener
of the pod, second time writer, and a huge fan
of your all caps gorgeous family parentheses all caps L
(41:31):
O L exclamation point. Why is that funny, Anna, that
we're gorgeous? Are you not serious? I think we're gorgeous.
Just kidding. I'm twenty five years old with no kids
just yet, but maybe in the future. I'm still deciding
if that's the route I want to take. But if
I do get knocked up, Beth's book will be the
(41:51):
first thing I order. Laughing till I cry a Moji
face again. That's it feels like you're undercutting the previous sentence,
just kidding. You're great. So I came across this hypothetical
online and instantly thought I had to write in and
share it with you. I just realized before I read
(42:12):
this hypothetical that there's nothing parenting related in it. So
I'm on the fly, gonna change it to make it
a little more applicable. Want me to read it, and
then I'm going to change it. You find a book
and begin to read, only to discover that it's your life.
You get to the point that you are at now
to turn the page knowing that you will not be
(42:34):
able to change the events to come, excited to hear
your answer and keep being awesome and a heart emoji. Wow, Okay,
I don't want your tweak. Just let her ask the question.
I think it would be impossible for me not to
read it. I would have to read. I would start
(42:54):
reading some of it and then see how it affected
the experience. You'd read like a day's worth. Yeah, it'd
be like, maybe that was a bad idea, But I'm
not not going to read a little bit. Boy. I've
actually been thinking about this a lot since I read this.
(43:15):
We are currently at a place in our lives where
I just want, more than anything to know when we
will be able to move into our new home. But
the thing is I'm assuming in this scenario is that
you can't change what happens. The thing with our home
(43:36):
is that I know that if our renovation is not
going to be done by a certain time and school
is starting and I want to get my kids in school,
I'm going to have to find a sublet or an airbnb.
So if I knew that in advance, I could plan
accordingly and not be stressed out the whole time about
what might happen. Well, here's how I read it. I
(43:58):
read it as it's not a not a like predictor,
it is this will happen this way, so you can't.
Knowing what's going to happen doesn't give you any room.
You still have to experience it. You still have to
experience all of it. It still makes me feel like
maybe I would let it wash over me as it
was happening, like if I knew that that was what
(44:19):
was going to happen, Like, but boy, what a gamble?
What if it like sucks? That's so depressing. I guess
you know, I just read ahead until there was one
really exciting thing to look forward to, and then and
then not read ahead, so I just have one thing
to look forward to. Yeah, I just kind of feel
(44:42):
like if I knew that, I would know to try
to be in the moment and enjoy that moment more
versus like I feel like like it's so hard, like
our careers are so unpredictable, and the thing like if
you talk to me like years ago when I was
still writing this book and like about the launch, I
(45:04):
would be like, I can't wait till the launch of
that book. I like, I'm so tired of writing. I
just want the writing to be done. But now that,
now that the books about to come out, I'm like, oh,
I can't believe I have to do all this book promotion.
I hate the promotion part of the book. I wish
I was just done. Like so, I think if I was, like,
if I had a sense of like what the difficult
(45:26):
difficulties were going to be, I would be like, Okay,
well that was the moment. I should have just relaxed
and enjoyed the launch party, like you know what I mean,
Like I should be doing that anyway. But I understand that,
but I think I would not do it. I am.
I live in the moment, for better or worse. Do
(45:48):
you well for better or worse? I don't. Sometimes I
think that's giving yourself a lot of credit. No, I
mean in a bad way too, not looking far enough ahead.
I mean, I think me at my best, but you're
not like lacking anxiety, You're not like present in the moment.
(46:12):
I don't mean to suggest that, but I think me
at my best. I take, um, I face difficult things,
um well with a sense of like, okay, great, what
do we have to do, let's get it done? Um me?
But me at my worst? Oh god, I I want
(46:35):
to be the person that is here now, that exists now,
and I'm open and excited about not knowing exactly in
not either way, if I read the book or don't
read the book, I'm not going to be fully present.
And that's the problem. I think maybe this might be
better for you than it would be for me. Yeah. Well,
(46:59):
it's like I feel like it's like that thing of
like when we found out we were pregnant both times,
and it was an accident both times, and I was
like it was sort of scary, not in the moment
of like not knowing if we're going to like move
forward with it, but once you're sort of like, okay,
(47:24):
this is happening to us, Like that is when it's
sort of becomes easier. Like that's where if sometimes you
just want someone who would like tell you what to
do and like what's going to happen, so you just
be like, Okay, this is gonna suck, but like I know,
I have no other option but to just deal with it.
You know, that's funny because that's it's happened when we
(47:46):
weren't expecting it either time. When it happened, it happened
so fast and that's for me. That was ultimately great
just to be like, oh fuck what um okay, great,
we're in it now, you know, as opposed to is
this the right thing? Should we is at the right time?
Because you're playing that game it who knows when it
(48:08):
would have happened? Um, you know. And so as an improviser,
that improviser philosophy of like, I'm at my best when
I'm confidently I don't know exactly where I'm going. Here's
my twist on the question. What if you pick up
the book and you realize that it's Maven's life, uh,
(48:31):
and that you could read ahead for her life, which
also would imply that you, you know, you probably find
the end of your life in there because you're part
of her story. Yeah. I would want to do that
because I think reading it would tell me where to
place the amulet that she discovers after my death. I
knew you're you're holding back at me with that amulet.
(48:52):
I gave you crystals for Christmas. I need I need
to be animated so that she can find it when
the time is right. You're wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
no one else can You're just quoting the plot of
Double Double Toil and Trouble the Ashley. I don't think
that's the plot of we watched it the other day.
(49:13):
There isn't that what I have to say about that day,
It's like we had I've been saying this month that
I'm we're having like crazy synchronicity, but I had, like,
truly the we had the weirdest synchronicity that day, which
is that we're going to bring our kids to look
at this new school which is right by BAM Brooklyn
(49:33):
Academy and Music, which is like a movie theater and
an actual theater, like, and so we're walking by and
I look up and this guy's walking out of BAM
and I was like, I guy looks like Michael Sarah.
Oh that's Michael Sarah. And it's just like that's weird,
like just randomly, this one morning, we're in Brooklyn, we
see this guy. So we're walking by and then I
(49:56):
forgot about it. We go to my sister's apartment to
give to bring her the kids, and she she watched
them for an hour while we were doing other stuff.
And she's watching an Olsen Twins movie with our kids,
which is so completely random. But double double Toil and Trouble, Yeah,
which she found on Netflix and they're watching it and
(50:18):
she was like, yeah, it's so weird. This movie stars
at one point a young Michael Sarah and we were like,
I can't believe you would bring him up of of
all people at all times. Like then, also, I fell
over a chair and hit my head and it went bam,
(50:41):
and that's why I was like, I know where to
put the ambulance. Uh, thank you, Michael. M Can I
just say that I had the best empanat of my
entire life. If you're ever near BAM or Atlantic Terminal
in Brooklyn, find Caesar's Empanadas load truck. Okay, that's not
(51:01):
the restaurant across this, you know. It's a food truck
right on the corner, a handsome place and near the
Apple store. Somebody said to me and I walked back.
I'm like, I'll get when I ate it. And then
he was walking down the sidewalk and I took a
bite of this and panata and I had to stop
and put my phone in my pocket, and I was like,
I can't be walking while I eat this. And I
just looked at this food as I ate it, and
(51:25):
it was just like Oh my god, I'm angry that
this is going to end. And it was so fleeting.
I'm like, I must have this again, turned back time.
I need the book of my life. I need to
I need to flip to go reread that moment. And
so then he remembered that somebody he can't remember who
(51:51):
caesars And it's all a simulation, you know what I mean? Boy?
See that if if somebody, if I started reading the
book and realized it was about me, I could not
stop reading because I love myself the never ending story.
But um, if somebody said, do you want to read
(52:13):
a book of your whole life, I'd be like, I know,
like me and food. I know you put it in
front of me. I'm like, how can I come? I know?
Do not give me that book and being you know
what I would do. You better keep that book away
from me and those and bananas, and unless there has ours.
(52:38):
On my deathbed, I would want to read the full
book of Brendan Maven's life on your deathbone. Well, you're
in luck because in your life on your life review,
after you die, you will look back at your life
and see all of that. I don't want to look back.
I want to look forward. Well, you'll understand your life
(52:59):
more in the contexts, and they probably get some understanding
of what you were sent here to set your kids
up for so great And I'd be like, oh, I
talked up there, I'm dead. No, because then you'll be
dead and you'll probably be able to be like a
guide to your kids. You know you when you said
the review of your life, I pictured the life review,
(53:19):
Life review, I pictures. Suddenly my life was like up
on Amazon, and then people were just writing reviews. They
were like, need salt, pretty good, pretty funny, needed salt.
That is kind of my review of you. I'm not
stuh Beth, you know what I really said as a joke,
(53:41):
but I think you wish that I was salt here.
I'm a little too sweet for your chase. Sweet. Yeah. Anyway,
this has been another week of we know it's parenting.
By pre order the book. There's no man, you all
um right now, right now, Amazon are literally wherever you
(54:06):
find books, and you know, if you're a nice person
and you're in a bookstore and you want to ask
them if they're stalking the book, that's cool too, because
that encourages people to order copies don't ask them if
they're stalking it. You should say, like, you're stalking this
book right? Uh, it's a sexy book for parents. Are
you not stalking it? Or do you want people to
(54:26):
come into your store every laps? This book slaps. This
book slaps. It's like ice cream. You scream, We all
scream for kids. Anyway, do you want to send us
an email, ask us a question, tend us a would
you know scenario, give us some advice. Um, you can
(54:50):
email us that we know spot at gmail dot com
or leave as a voicemail three four seven three eight
four seven, three nine six. Find us on social media Twitter, Instagram, Facebook,
and we nos pod. Great review, subscribe and we'll see
you next time. Todd, On to your job
We Knows Parenting News
Hosts And Creators
Beth Newell
Peter McNerney
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