June 4, 2019 • 51 mins
On their way back from a family trip to Atlanta, the whole family gets trapped in the airport for 8 hours. Do the kids fight non-stop? Do Beth and Peter drive each other crazy? Does getting home at 2am tear them apart? No, actually it’s fine. It’s shockingly fine. Later, Peter takes the kids for a long walk during which they say a lot of funny stuff, Beth shares an article about preparing yourself emotionally for childbirth, then Peter and Beth say naughty words.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
I got blah blah blah. Welcome to We Knows Parenting.
I'm Peter McNerney. I'm Beth new We are parents, were
in love, we're married, we got children first and foremost,
we're in love. Uh the first listeners, this is a
(00:31):
love story. We know his parenting a love story. Um,
we've got kids. They're three and four. Maybe in his
three four, we we stopped summarizing. He suddenly turned very
like reality TV couple and we're just like, we're renewing
our vows. Guys, it's joined us on the live telecast
(00:54):
of our vow renewal. Should we just be just like
act like we're huge influences and like that's our ye,
Like here our regular outfits for going out. Who are
we kidding? That's exactly what we do. Um. Anyway, welcome.
We're so glad you're here so you can share, um,
you our our failures and successes. Oh, Beth, it's been
(01:18):
two weeks since we've really talked about So we had
our vacation episode last week, okay, and we got stuff,
we got stuff to discuss. Yeah, we took our kids
on an airplane on a vacation. It was pretty successful.
I'd call it a slam dunk. The worst part of
the vacation was we got stuck in the airport for
(01:39):
a few hours. And our kids actually were pretty happy
the entire time. This was a miracle. So we it
was a thirteen hour travel day. Um more than that
if you count the hour and forty five minute drive
from the late Yeah, but we took our kids, We
got an airplane. We stay on the tarmac for like
(02:00):
an hour or something, and then they were like, actually,
we're not leaving. And then we got back into the
airport and as we're pulling back, Maven was like, we're
home now, and I was like, no, it's going to
be so much longer, so many hours. And then we
stayed in the airport. They're like cut check back in
an hour, check back in an hour. Everything was still
ground because of a storm. So we were there for
(02:21):
three and a half hours until we got back on
the plane. And then we got there and our kids
like didn't really melt down ever. Well, I just wanted
to applaud myself because I really went into action and
I said, we're getting food, we're getting toys, and do
you know what I said? So on the way there, um,
(02:44):
I was like, oh, we're boarding now, So I picked
up Brandon. I got to the front of the line,
and I essentially made you carry Maven for hold Maven
because she was scoring for like twenty minutes and it
made you really tired. And we got on the plane. Well,
she wasn't screaming so much as you were like, we
have to line up, and it was like, not time
to line up yet, so then I had to hold
me even still instead of letting her run around, which
(03:05):
is what she had been doing, right, And we got
on the plane, and you very calmly communicated to me
how that was difficult for you, and I really appreciated
how you told me. When I'm holding a child in
my arms standing still for that long, it makes me
feel like I might actually faint, because not everyone on occasion,
and then the idea of fainting makes me very anxious,
(03:26):
and then I get very angry. So coming home, this
was fresh in my mind, and I was in the
mode of like, you know what, I'm We were in
no rush, We're fine, I don't need to push to
have it my way, And I think all of us
were prepped and relaxed and loose and we handled that
longest day at an airport I've had in a long
(03:48):
long time. Yeah, we were both very calm, but did
communicate the fainting concern to you pretty calmly. After I
stood there for a very long time. I was very
appreciative as to how you communicated that to me, and
as a result, I heard it and was able to
implement it all the quicker because I wasn't busy being defensive.
(04:11):
I'm just saying thank you. It was a very good,
easy vacation otherwise, which helped the us not be stressed
in those moments. So we were at a like, Um,
we took our kids on a boat ride. I don't
think they've been on a real boat ride, like, not
on that kind of boat. It reminded me. So we
were with with Chuck Bryant as we as we discussed,
(04:34):
he gave us will never miss an excuse to name
drop him. He's the sweetest man, best friend Chuck Bryant
on the planet, and he invited us to this thing.
He didn't have to. We had never really hung out,
and boy, what a tremendous weekend it was. He's usually
busy hosting the stuff. You should know podcast. He's very success.
They record to hang out with him. Um, and he
(04:57):
took us on a boat and it was great. But
Brandon Maven were in the back, and I suddenly remembered
the few times I was like on a speedboat as
a kid, where you just go for a while and
it should become and they just curl up and fall
asleep pretty quick. I don't remember curling up and falling
asleep on boats when I was a kid, but I
(05:19):
just had this flash of seeing Brandon curl up and
like it was windy and he was a little bit
over it, and I was like, oh, my gosh, I
remember this exact feeling. It's funny because you and I
have been on boats over the ears, and when I
am on a boat, my body immediately is so happy
and I love the movement, and I'm just like, yes,
this is perfect. Like and you get motion sick and
(05:42):
you don't really especially enjoy being on the boat. Um,
that's fair. I I don't get motions like a lot.
It's happened a couple of times every time I on vacation,
my dad would go, let's go like deep sea fishing,
and we take a boat sea for we did this
one deep sea like a fairways away where it's like choppier,
(06:04):
and we never caught anything, and all of us would
just throw a fishing. Have you seen those shows they
get hit by thousand foot waves. You're right, I will
amend it. Compared to where we normally fish, it was
deeper out into the sea. I don't know. That's where
my dad called it when I was six, and all
I did was throw up off the back of the
boat and we didn't catch anything. Well, I just don't
(06:26):
think you should appropriate the term deep sea fishing, which
is appropriate. Appropriate the deep sea appropriation. I think it's
offensive to my fisherman family members, to all those real,
real Massachusetts fishermen anyway, So sorry, I didn't mean to
offend anybody. Uh So. Brandon Mayven spent this whole weekend
(06:50):
with Chuck's daughter, Ruby, who we've talked about, and they
became best friends and she's exactly in between the age
of bath and bread, and boy was it a joy
to watch this trio of adorable kid cute Like when
we got there, they we slept at their house and
there was a little trundle bed under their daughter's bed,
(07:12):
which may haveven slept in and they were calling it
a sleepover. They called it the underbed, and they called
it the under bed, and they're like, but they care
preferring to it as a sleepover, and they're like, we're
having a sleepover. Are we having a sleepover tonight? Is
this a sleepover? And like then when Mayven woke up
in the morning and came out of the bedroom, she
did like this little jig dance, like she was just
(07:33):
so delighted to wake up there. Um, she's also exhausted
and cranky because ned, but when she woke up in
that bed, she was like, I'm having a sleepover. Like, uh.
It was. It was endlessly adorable. But we basically spent
the whole weekend floating, you know, like it was in
(07:53):
the nineties and Brandon Maven we put on there so
you know, last episode or the for that were talked
about Bread almost drowning in the pool throw on his floaties.
May Haven had her floaties and boy, we you know,
we were watching them. We were there. But it was
not stressful. Well, the first day was a tiny of
(08:16):
stressful because we got these floaties from Maven and she
had never used them before and she was sort of
trying to swim, but not really because it was the
first time and she didn't really know. And she kept
insisting on keeping her legs crossed because she was pretending
to be a mermaid, which was not helping her learn
to swim at all. And she kept insisting she was
(08:37):
a mermaid for like hours. I gotta say she's pretty
good by the end at swimming with perfect crossed. By
the next day she was like really swimming and like
very comfortable, and I was like, okay, that was just
a phase. Well, she kept going, I'm a mermaid and
then she goes, oh, I'm a kid again and she
kicked both. It's just annoying because those floaties keep their
(08:58):
head out of the water, but just early, so it
requires some effort from them to like be aware of
the water, you know what I mean. She just kept
rolling onto her side as a mermaid, and I was like,
this is not that's how they're not going to drown.
Let him swallow lake water and learn all and all.
She learned pretty fast. The next day she was like
(09:19):
totally fine. The other crazy thing was so Bryn hasn't
been swimming really since the last vacation, where he would
not put his head underwater. He was scared of that.
Oh yeah, he was doing a lot of jumping in.
He gets to the lake and just dives in. He
goes under, comes up and he's like, now I'm comfortable
with this, and I well, Bill does a very dramatic
(09:40):
you move, which is that every time he comes up,
he's like squinching his eyes and you're like, are you okay?
And it's just literally the exact same reaction he has
every time he comes out of the water. Well yeah,
it looks panic, like are you okay? And he's always
like yeah, why I'm fine. He just him and you
have such a dramatic flair for every action. It's like
when Chuck handed you the been oculars to see something
(10:01):
and you laid down on the dock like you were
a soldier at roar scouting the enemy. Okay, I will,
I will, I will justify this. There was a giant
thing floating in the water and we're like that a
log or is that a dead beaver? And all of
us tried to look at the binoculars, but we were
(10:22):
on a boat, so we were bobbing. It was bobbling.
We couldn't get a good look. So I jumped on
the dock, laid down and put my elbows down so
that I was not moving at all. I just stand
on the dock. But that wasn't cool at all. Yeah,
what you did was much cooler. And that's what I like.
I look like a sniper checking out that what ended
(10:43):
up like, that's my husband the sniper. Look out, everybody.
I turned my hat backwards. Look at it. Um. Anyway,
it was not a dead beaver. It was it was
a stump. We still don't know. I would too. I
think Brin being comfortable diving onto the water. I think
(11:04):
it's because I let him fall in the pool. He
went under the water and he was like, oh, I'm fine,
Now I'm fine going underwater. You really um fall upwards.
Nailed it, um, another big thing that happened. Prince had
nailed it to Princeton, saying, nailed it a lot. When
(11:26):
last night I wanted to cut his bangs because when
we're swimming, they're going in his eyes a little bit,
and so I trimmed them and I was blowing hairs
off his forehead and he goes, you're blowing me away.
And then he went to go look at his bang
trim in the mirror and he goes, nailed it. Well, yeah,
(11:47):
we went to Smash Burger, which I'll talk about later
and he took a big bitey of his burger and
he goes, smashed Burger. Nailed it. Uh. The other big
things that that happened this week is Maven had her
very first dentist appointment and uh, it actually was not
exciting at all. She was very fast and she nailed it.
(12:09):
They have Netflix nailed she nailed it. They've got Netflix.
At the dentist. Half the time is like discussing what
they're gonna put on the TV, and they put on
the TV and then it's done ten minutes later. But
the dent I don't know if I told you this.
The dentist told me that Maven's teeth are pretty close together,
(12:30):
which will probably remain true as she gets older, which
she's going to have to have the space or thing
that I had. Well, she said, did either one of
you have braces? And I said, I think my wife
did you did right? And she goes, well, she had
a fifty chance of needing braces because of you, So
thanks for nothing, Beth. It just seems like braces have
(12:54):
to be some kind of scam, like, why do we
have to do that. I don't think we have to.
I mean, have you seen my teeth? Have you seen
your teeth? M teeth are not good. Your teeth are
great anyway, the mine or not. You know what's weird
about this dentist office thing is just it's one of
those weird reminders of how adult you are, because they
(13:16):
are one of the few places that sees us all
as a family unit. So I come in there like
how's the family? And then they called me today and
they were like, we couldn't get ahold of your husband.
Can you tell him his appointments canceled? It was like
when you texted me, I was like, I feel delinquent.
Was like, I'll call you back when I have a minute.
They've called me twice. They called you. Well, they were like,
(13:38):
he just confirmed his appointment and it's we tried to
tell him it has to be rescheduled, and it was
like I confirmed it before they rescheduled it. Well, don't
try to put this on me. Dentist really really nice
communicative dentists that treats us all really well. I just
think it's funny to realize that you're an older and
(14:00):
with a family that you take to the dentist. We
have a family dentist. Wow, we really did it, nailed it.
This next segment is called he Knows What They Said,
And this is where we share some funny things our
kids said. We have done this segment in a while,
(14:22):
but I went. So I'll preface this by saying that
on Saturday, I spent basically the whole day with the kids.
You you have, you had a lot of work to do,
so you went to a work and I decided to
take them to You'll never guess where smash Burger, but
either this is at least a sixteen minute walk for
(14:44):
an adult walking alone. And we walked all the way there,
and we walked all the way back, and nobody had
a meltdown until we got home and we're walking up
the stairs. I call that another huge victory. Well, I'm
impressed that you can march them around. I I feel
like they would somehow derailed up for me. It was
(15:05):
the right time of day. I did take them to
the playground where I took them almost that I can't
remember anyway, I did take them pretty far one day
to them all the way that the second for this
playground from where we are. Yeah, good work. Um. And
they kept saying things and I kept writing them down
(15:26):
and I texted them to you. I knew you're trying
to work. Oh my god, yeah, these are so funny. Um.
As we were walking Bryn Brent said, we went down
a side street. He goes, Daddy, did you know that
this is a short cut? And then Maven, without hesitating, goes,
(15:46):
did you know that this is a haircut? And then
she slowly pointed to her head and went on my head.
She's really into mimicking, like the last thing said. She's like,
really yes, Ander with brands, oh yeah, big time, but
it will be with things that brand will be like, Daddy,
(16:07):
I don't I don't think we should have this kind
of treat because you you said that after eight all
my food that we could have a treat. I'm like, okay,
we'll do something else. And then Mayven goes, hey, daddy,
I don't think that we should have this kind of
treat because and she'll repeat the whole logic and it's
a question I already answer, and she's like trying to
get the words right, but she like steps up, like
(16:30):
slips up a little bit. She's like, it's um the treat,
but she's really selling the logic, like as if she
did not hear anything that was just said. It's not
it's not like we always repeat back the last thing,
Prince and be like, Mommy, we need that. It's not
like repeating in a playful way. It's repeating as if
(16:51):
it never happened. Um. Great. So then we kept walking.
I texted that to you because I thought it was
so funny. And then we we're passing a playground and
Brain goes he sees it and goes daddy, And I
look at Bran and I go, Bryn, are you thinking
what I'm thinking? And he goes, yeah, about coins? What's
(17:14):
his logic for coins? No idea? I literally laughed really hard,
and then he just stopped talking about it. And then
I texted you that it was like a perfect pinky
in the brain bit, pinky, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Coins? Oh?
Can I tell a story now? We So we're doing
(17:36):
story time last night and I finally got them off
their go to storyline of like doing a dog named
Poop that wants to fart or whatever. So doing stories
about this aliens, and Bryan was saying, like, we're having
them like travel around to different planets. And then they
left the galaxy and then Bryn was like, they went
to the place next to space, and I was like,
(18:00):
what's it called? And he was like Solange. He literally
said Solange. And then we kept talking and then there's
another place next to that name called sausage. But Solange
was like some like magical universe where you could there
was like endless food. Wow, that's incredible. I try so
(18:22):
hard to get them to do new characters, and the
more I try to set that up, the more they
do the opposite. Um Tonight, we told a story about skeleton,
the skeleton, and I said, maybe there's something really weird
about a skeleton, Skelton, what's so weird about skeleton? And
Mayven goes and he he moves, he goes clickity clackety
clickity clackety clickity clack, and then bring goes no, he
(18:43):
goes clickity clack, clickity clack, and that became a fight.
But did we talk about how Bryn was saying something
about how if you had wrong information and he was
trying to define the concept of wrong information, and he
said it would be wrong information to say a skeleton
has no That is wrong information. That's fake news, right there.
(19:08):
Skeletons have bones. It is their defining feature. Um all right,
here's another thing that was said a couple of blocks later. Bryn,
my shorts are itchy. Then Maven, my shirt is itchy?
And then Bryn, Daddy, why did you grow itchy? Kids?
(19:34):
I like the eye texted that to you and you said,
did you explain that I grew them? It's like, sorry,
didn't get it. Seems relevant. Hey, they just read the
Where Did I Come From? Book? So they're pulling it
from that. Not We currently have books on birth and
death in our home. Now. Yeah, I read that Lifetimes
(19:57):
book to them, and Brent has some has some heavy
interesting questions. He's the night after you read it to
him or you or my sister. He we were picking
up books and he saw that when he goes, I
don't like this book. Yeah, well he gets it. Yeah,
Maven does not. She's like, is that aunt dead? Is
(20:21):
it alive? Um? Great? So then Maven, as we were walking,
then she started saying out of nowhere, she just she
had this exact phrasing. She go, Okay, why is there
a car in the street? And then she repeated, Okay,
(20:43):
why is there a car in the street. It's like
she's so incessant with like requests like that constantly, or
she's like why are we inside? They're both asking those questions,
and they're starting to really bug me. Why are you
doing this? Why is the peanut butter on the bread?
(21:04):
Like what? Like? Why is chicken in my mouth because
you're eating it? Why am I eating it? Like? Um?
All right? So then we here's the last one. We
got into smash Burger and Brind goes, I think we're
talking about superheroes or something, and he's like, what if
(21:24):
I was invisible? Or then he you know, he said,
did you know that I built the smash Burger? I go,
what you did? He goes, Yeah, Yeah, I built the Smashburger.
I was invisible when I did it. So I built
it and nobody saw me. And I built it and
the people saw that it was being built, but they
didn't see me. So it was done. The people said
(21:47):
thanks nothing, and now it's time for did you knows?
This is where we share something that we've read or
learned recently, and we're paying it forward. Passing it on
(22:14):
to yours um. This article is from the New York
Times Parenting section. It's called is There any Way to
emotionally Prepare for Parenthood? It's by Lindsay Hunter Lopez, and
it talks about they interviewed different experts to try to
figure out what ways can you actually prepare for being
a new parent for the first time, And so it
(22:35):
has a list I think of very helpful things to
focus on. It says, you know, manage your expectations, let
go of ideal and idealized image of parenthood or birth um,
connect with your partner. It's said, overestimate recovery time. Make
sure getting sleep. I thought the part about getting sleep,
(22:56):
and it also says make sure you have social support.
The are so important. Like the sleep thing. It talks
about how in this article about how you know sleep
defribation can lead to postpartum depression and stuff like that,
and you you just can't function as a person without sleep.
You need to figure out a way that you're gonna
(23:17):
get sleep. Oh yeah, And I mean it's not obviously,
And there's very difficult, many different difficult things of having children,
but one of the most common is just that irregularity
of sleep, and this does make a point of that, um,
eliciting friends, help from family and friends to help you
(23:41):
specifically get the sleep you need to do the job.
And that's actually something I never considered. Well, I think
that's really important, and I think unfortunately we didn't. We
don't have a lot of close family. But my sister
did help with that. Oh yeah, um, um, she's she
nailed it, nailed it. We know where he gets it. Um.
(24:05):
The article also talks about how you should take time
to see friends and pursue passions or hobbies so that
you help retain a sense of your former self, which
I think is something isn't talked about enough, especially for moms.
It's just you can get so consumed by the grind
of like I have to keep this baby alive. I
have to keep this baby alive, and then you like
(24:25):
you just start to go insane because you're like, who
am I what is my life? Like? What? I mean?
A big part, a big part of that is inevitable
because it is a oh everything theory. You're not on
the podcast, um, because it's this Oh, your life will
(24:48):
never be the same because it is the first time
where truly truly, it's not about just you anymore. And
it's because it's the first time. You don't really know
if that feeling is ever going to go away. Because
babies are so like emotionally and physically exhausting, you kind
of are like, oh, no, twenty four hours a day
for the rest of my life, what has happened? You
(25:09):
know what I mean? Like it feels so incessant in
the moment because it's hard you can't conceptualize like months
and months of this happening. I mean for us, we
also did this. We did this major life change right
after we moved to the suburbs where we knew nobody
(25:30):
and suddenly seeing people was impossible, and I feel like, well,
we we also didn't have a lot of friends who
had kids, so it's not like people knew to like
reach out to us and be like, hey, let me
just come over and bring you a sandwich. And also
people coming over, it's very annoying for them to like
(25:50):
come up here. Exactly. You have to plan a real
you're pulling a real favor if you have someone to like,
I don't make people come up here. We need to
and I find a big day with big things we
need to. I do think this weekend of hang out
with people that made me realize we do need to
figure out a way to like host people somewhere, because
(26:10):
it's like weird to never have events, do you know
what I mean? Yeah, but it's in I mean, this
is it's saying how quickly you forget? Because I'm suddenly
feeling this such freedom comparatively the fact that I can
take my kids outside and we can walk around for
(26:32):
an hour and they're fine, and we can and like
the idea of throwing them in the car And we
drove to New Jersey to visit my aunt and cousins
yesterday and it was no big deal. Like you packed
a whole bag of snacks and stuff, which is great
and like helpful, but I didn't need it. Uh in
the end, Well, they did eat the bananas and drink
the water. I'm not saying it was it was a
(26:54):
great idea, but if I didn't have it, it would
be fine. And that is a huge change from the
know a year ago to when Brin was born, where
like you couldn't go anywhere unless you thought through all
of that stuff. Well, that wasn't nice thing about traveling
with them on the airplane this weekend. It's just like,
oh my god, I can hand this kid and iPad
(27:15):
and he's not like I don't have I'm not about
to endure like two hours of potential torture. I said.
So we both sat with both of our kids on
one leg or the other, um and uh, both of them.
I gave them the iPad for a while. They don't
they don't get it any other time when they're on
the plane pretty much. And they both watched it for
(27:37):
you know, an hour hour and a half. They got
they got sick of it and gave it back to me,
and then they drew a little bit and you know,
then they sort of like took a nap. There was
none of that. It was also that we brought stuff
for them to draw with because I feel like that
helped a lot. And then we brought it to the
restaurant the other night when we got back, and I
(27:58):
was like, we really need to remember to bring some
kind of activity when we go. Pens and a notebook
is is all we need? Now? Yeah, we took them
to dinner and they didn't run away that much. Brent
did run away to like murder some spiders. Oh yeah,
he's he's into killing bugs a little bit. And I'm
(28:21):
not really concerned, um because I know, like I've killed
plenty of tiny little bugs, and I also don't want
to go overboard, and I know that some people are
gonna have different feelings about this, but I'm like, it's
fine if he kills a spider. I don't want to
make like a huge thing of it. I don't want to.
(28:41):
But I have been making an effort to be like,
you know, let's not kill a thing if we don't
have to write if it's not you know, And then
that became becomes well when do you have to? And
well if it's a spider that could bite you in
your bedroom, and now he's like, there's spiders in my bedroom,
I'm like, oh no. Um. So I've I've been sort
(29:07):
of wishwashy on the rules of murder, but the ethics
of murder. But I did say one thing that really,
if you feel like having a steak, murders, okay, but
are we using the whole is it to grasp that? No?
So I told Britain one thing where he was looking
(29:30):
at these tiny bugs and he was trying to smash
like step on one. I'm like, Britain, don't let him go.
Like and then I said, could you imagine if they're
a giant walked by and suddenly smacked his hand down
on you and you got crushed. Oh my god, that's terrifying.
And Bryn really took that in and he looked graphic.
(29:53):
It wasn't as quite as intense as I just made
it sound, but I may I'm spend time looking at
making him look at the sky to see how big
this thing was. And he let that bug alone. It
sounds like I guess that traumatized you, m um. But anyway,
(30:14):
back to this article. Back to this article, I mean,
I overall, I just love that it's sort of telling
people to really take care of themselves and protect themselves.
Like the thing about telling women to overestimate recovery time.
I think is so important because our culture doesn't discuss
postpartment enough, so people don't know what they're in for,
(30:35):
and then if there's any kind of extra complications on
top of that, which they're often is because it's childbirth,
then people are extra unprepared. So you know what I mean.
Like people, I think it is sort of important to
like set the right expectations with your workplace and your
other responsibilities to be like, I will be relatively incapacitated
(30:56):
for a while, you know what I mean. Obviously A
big part of it, though, is you don't really know
how it's gonna go for you know, you know you
can do, you do your homework, you should know a
lot of the technical stuff, but you can't read a
book to tell you how you're gonna feel um, because
(31:18):
it's gonna be um. I think it's helpful to hear
what other people's experiences have been been so you don't
feel like when you're having these feelings that there's something
wrong with you. But even if you have a wide
perspective of different experiences, your your journey is going to
be your own. Yeah, but I yeah, I think I
(31:39):
like that this article is sort of like telling you
to have a general awareness of these things because because
you don't know what you're in for, and it gets
I think, in the public imagination, it gets really downplayed
the kinds of the issues people are dealing with in postpartum.
Then people feel like something's wrong with them, Like you said,
they're they're like, why am I not handling this? As
(32:01):
well as other people seem to be, and then that
perpetuates the problem because they don't get help for mental
or physical problems they're experiencing, and then the recovery time
is even more drawn out, you know what I mean.
So you, I don't know, you really need to get
yourself checked in on by medical professionals or your family
(32:22):
or whoever. Ask for help. Yeah, I think it's I
do think you should let people know, like, this is
going to be really hard and I'm not going to
want to ask for help when I'm in it. I
feel like a lot of us, when you're overwhelmed, you're
not really in a good place to reach out for help.
So you like, it's not a bad idea to have
(32:42):
people remind people to check in on you. And I
think for women to remind their spouses to be checking in.
I was just gonna say that that spouses. I can
speak speaking for myself as the as as the husband
in this that I think for a lot of guys
(33:03):
and not just guys, but this is a stereotypical thing
of you know who are very just like just tell
me what to do and I'll do that as supposed to,
Like they might not be able to tell you what
they need and want, and so you have to be
proactive and to keep your mind open that there might
be needs that are here that I'm not going to
(33:25):
be be given an a to be instruction on well.
And women are programmed by from a very young age
to check in on each other, and like they're told
they're responsible for the emotional needs of people around them,
and men are not taught that. So men are not
necessarily always has tuned in to those kinds of issues.
(33:46):
So yeah, and you know, we've we've had plenty of
those arguments, and I've some of my friends do of that,
like just tell me what you want, and that's the
emotional Like I want you to be paying attention to
me day to day, not when at the point I'm
boiling with ancher And some of these things, can you
just solve them before I have to tell you how
(34:08):
to solve them. But Okay, we're all learning, we all
figure stuff out, communicate. Yeah, but I think it's I
think we've talked about this before, but I think men
need to sort of step up their game in a
lot of ways and understand the seriousness of the task
at hand of keeping a baby alive. Um and recovering
(34:29):
from you know, massive internal bleeding. And I don't know
why I just laughed at massive internal bleeding. I mean,
it's the reality you're bleeding for six weeks from an
internal wound that where a baby was attached to your body.
So then, but women need to also like try to
(34:50):
rewire our cultural expectation, which is that like we're we
are supposed to not need any help and just figure
it out on our own and be perfect mothers intuitively
all the time. And we need to get over that
and realize it's okay to ask for help, it's okay
to demand better treatment from your spouse, and to admit
that you don't know what you need, you know, I think, yeah,
(35:12):
I think it's sometimes you just need to be like
I feel horrible. I don't know if it's hormones or
sleep deprivation or whatever, but I need someone to help
me right now. Do you know what I mean? Can
I This is a real tangent, But last night you
asked me to put my elbows into your back and
(35:34):
I didn't do it, and I just wanted to know
that I feel guilty about it. I'm glad because you
refusing to give massages is one of the real uh
points of contention in our relationship. How often do I refuse? Well,
I don't ask very often because you never will give
a massage. That's that's not true. I almost always say yes,
(35:57):
I will go. You give him once a year. That's
not true. You asked me to do every six months.
If you ever asked me to do it, I almost
always do it because I'm great. I disagree. Well, oh
my boy, here here's the here's a question. How many
(36:20):
of you out there? I have a spouse who who
will be laying in bed for an hour plus and
then you come into the room and you lay down,
and then five seconds later they say, will you give
me a glass of water? And and then you will
pop up and go get them a glass of water.
Oh my god, this person sounds like a nightmare to
live with. How do you handle it? But think of
(36:43):
that like like every night for your whole marriage? Well,
you know, what would you do? Listen? I think what
I would do in that social situation is I would
learn that when I get up to go to bed
and I'm heading into the bathroom, I go get a
glass water and bring it to my wife. Have you
noticed that I do that sometimes sometimes one what would you?
I'm just I'm not saying that you shouldn't do that
(37:05):
because I like water. Water is good for you. It's
the like, hey, will you go do a thing that
I am perfectly capable of doing? But I just don't
want to get tired in bed. I'm about to drift off.
I don't want to get up. It's it's what would
you do if I did that to you? Would you
go get me a glass of water? I'm standing, yeah, no,
(37:26):
after you've laid down, would you do it? I've never
have it. I probably never will ask you to do this,
But would you do it? I do so many things
for you all the time. Sure, but it's never give
me a glass of water because you don't want a
glass of water and I do sometimes because you don't
(37:47):
know how to drink water. You give me water when
I don't have when you're like, I'm cranky and tired,
and look look how red my face is in this hot,
hot day. Specifically, what could the reason be? When I'm
laying a bed, you come and lay down, and then
ten seconds later I said, will you could give me
the glass and water? Would you do it? Oh my god. Yes, Okay,
(38:12):
I'm going to do it one time in our whole relationship,
and I'm gonna save it. Okay, first, I don't know when,
just because I promised for no reason on this podcast. Okay,
I'll get you water. I will get there. And then
whenever you asked me for a glass water, I will
get it. And secret even though I'm sort of like
(38:34):
complaining about it, it really weirdly makes me happy to
get you water. If anyone listening thinks it's sounds like
a serious issue that I asked my husband to get
me a glass water, please right in and let me know.
I was trying to end this on a positive note,
saying that I like doing things for you, but I
will take this to a competitive place if you want to. No,
(38:59):
I don't want to continue. You're talking about this ever again,
don't send us any emails about the glass of water?
Will you can get me a glass of water? This
next segment is called Listeners want to Knows. It's where
(39:21):
we take questions and comments from you guys. All right,
let's get into it. Hey, guys, I love you. I'm
twenty three, and I have gone through baby fever approximately
two dozen times within the last six years, the duration
of my relationship with my high school sweetheart. I'm also
a total research freak, so I've been listening to your
podcast for nearly a year now. I'm probably still aways
(39:45):
from having my own kids, but I want to be
prepared as possible. So a few questions. First, How do
I impress upon my boyfriend the importance of research for
having kids, reading the books, listening to podcasts, and blah
blah blah. No, I'm sure he'll come around on once
reality settles in. Hopefully got any spells, Beth, just kidding,
You're not quit You're not kidding. Um, real question. We
(40:09):
can hit both these real questions. Let's deal with this. Okay,
we sort of just talked about this, but okay, Well,
first of all, I just want to say her talking
about having baby fever at twenty three is like so
true to my experience where I hit somewhere around that
age and all of a sudden I was just filled
with like animalistic desire for a baby, Like really it
(40:32):
would I well, I've always loved babies, but I hit
a certain age where I would just find myself staring
at people's babies on the subway, like so in love,
Like I would just like, I don't. I don't think
I knew this about you. I mean, and you fell
in love with certain No, but this is when I
was having like a sort of career transition issues, not
(40:53):
liking my jobs. And this is when I was like, oh,
I'm going to babysit and get this out of my system.
And it really did get it out of my sis
them because if you spend a few hours with a kid,
you're like, yeah, I'm good. I don't need to have
that at home all the time, you know what I mean.
It's so kids are so exhausting. That's why I feel
when I hang out with dogs. But I loved I
(41:14):
love being with those kids when my babysat, they were
like so fun. But anyway, um, her question, how does
she prepare her boyfriend? Uh? Yeah, I guess we did
just talk about this. Um, But I like what she
asked about spells because I do kind of want to
give her. Uh. Some advice I've received from my spiritual
(41:36):
advisor is that you you picture the person in your
in your relationship doing the thing you want them to do,
or like behaving in a pleasing way and then you
start manifesting that because you're interacting with that person in
a way that implies that they are up to the
(41:59):
task at hand, and it doesn't doubt them unfulfilling that.
Do you know what I mean? You know what? I
can totally get behind that because I can I can
feel when I'm with somebody, when I think that they
have already decided that I'm going to fail them or
(42:21):
that I'm not capable of this, I can feel the
energy from them, and boy, it's it's it's more likely
become true because I don't well. You and I used
to get in a lot of fights because you would
do something that really set me off because it had
happened like ten or more times, and I would be like,
you always do this, and then you would get mad
because you're You were like, you're painting me as someone
who always is bad or doing this thing, and I
(42:43):
was like, but you are, but really if I was,
when I was so focused on that what had had
had happened, even if it had happened many times, it
was like kind of manifesting the continual repetition of that
event instead of me being like you, I don't like
what is currently happening and I needed to change. Yeah, well,
(43:05):
I spend all my energy if no one is ever
going to respond to somebody saying you always, because even
if it's a live it's a pattern, it's not true.
And I'm gonna spend the time defending myself on that.
But if we actually I mean, that's a different thing
to talk about. The actually So yeah, her question you
treat somebody is if they're capable of it, and they
(43:26):
from you're not dealing with all the defensive bullshit, can
you we talk about? What's her next question? The real
question that I really came here for is how do
you guys deal with swearing? Do you guys swear around
your kids? Do other people? How do you feel about it?
Do you talk about it? With Brandon Maven? As a child,
I knew adult swore and kind of learned to gauge
(43:48):
the severity, sincerity tone of a conversation by how many
swear words were used and which ones, for example, f
were advance, something was, someone was very upset, ring up.
I've learned there that they are often used for emphasis,
But I also have met people who are vehement about
not ever swearing in front of their kids. Alternatively, I
(44:10):
have heard, I believe it was from dak Shephard, that
some people allow their kids to to hear swearing and
even swear themselves, with the condition that this is the
verity of the words be respected and that the words
themselves be used correctly. I'd love to know what you guys,
if you've already dealt with this uh and your individual
thoughts and these questions. Sending you all love, hugs and
(44:34):
whatever Peter, and whether Peter likes or not all the
happy and joyous vibes insert maniacal spiritual laughter here, Lysia,
I'm I'm fine with vibes. You're fine, fine, thank you,
because I'm sending them, I'm receiving them. Okay. Anyway, her question,
(44:57):
so how do we handle swearing with our kids? So
I like some of her points. I will say largely,
we don't swear because we weren't raised in swearing households,
so it doesn't flow off the tongue as often. But
but this weekend, when we were hanging out with them
amongst people, I realized I was more in kind to
(45:19):
swear because I was trying to communicate information to you
know what I mean, like everyone that shipped off that
shitty table. Well, yeah, that I'm talking about the part
of the vacation where I was telling everyone to clean
up an insulting Chuck's table. No, I mean, but I
(45:40):
was like, there's certain issues you're you'll be discussing where
it just occasionally it feels like for emphasis you will
swear to like get your point across. And I don't
even in those cases. I don't swear super often, but
I don't think I like what this UM listener was
saying about this idea that you're teaching kids to use
(46:01):
them properly, there is maybe a place for swearing. Um. Well, one,
I just realized that we've we just talked about how
much we love Chuck um and we didn't. I just
need to mention that Chuck's a wonderful wife. Emily was
also our host and is an incredible human being in
care of us as well. So Emily, we love you too.
(46:23):
Uh uh. Your whole family is beautiful. They made us
ice cream twice in an ice cream machine. It really
was so wonderful. Um wrin he knows like some friend
told them all to swear words and im and he
told me that he learned them and he knows that
(46:44):
they're bad. And I flashed back to those types of
conversations in elementary school when you talk about swear words
and the like the intensity in which you secretly tell
your friends tells you immediately that these are dangerous words.
You don't tell people so like it's like the method,
like the I was gonna say, the mythology, like the
(47:06):
the weight and the mystery around them makes it clear
that they're they're powerful. Um, but brin two things, Bryn
has become the swear word police. But he'll do it
with now anytime I say dumb or stupid, which you
don't say in schools in any context anymore. And I
(47:27):
was like, this, this is a dumb I don't know,
like toy or no, not even that. It's like, what's
the most harmless way you could use the word dumb,
not talking about a person. Uh yeah, you were like
that's a dumb show or something. I was like, this,
this thing is put together, this is stupid, and he goes,
(47:47):
Daddy said a bad word, and I have to keep
and I have to validate it. He's always calling our
friends out on that when they're like, oh, this dumb
thing or this stupid and he's like, that's a bad word.
Like yeah, But also in the last fifteen years working
for story Pirates, my language has changed a ton. I'll
(48:09):
still you know, I'll still say shit, fuck. I was
gonna say the F word, the S word, but you know,
this is explicit podcast. I'll say that, but I've removed
things like that sucks or oh my god, which, um,
you know, because we're performing in schools and we don't
say and I don't say dumb, and I don't call
(48:30):
people stupid no like body image stuff. Um, and that's
so like I speak better in general than I ever
did growing up. Um, Like, I don't say shut up.
I mean, I'm an adult anyway, just casually says, hey,
shut up, shut up, Beth, shut up. Like if you're
(48:51):
just throwing that out there, I'm just thinking about my childhood.
It's just nothing but my brothers and I just screaming
shut up, shut up is such a weird, like andies
thing to me. Maybe it's from from much longer than that,
but it feels like so specific to child's It just
NonStop saying shut up, shut up, shut up. This sucks.
(49:13):
I wish we had pizza. I'm gonna get on my skateboard.
Shut up. It does feel good. We're not gonna be
too uptight about it. But you know, it's like we
tolerate certain things, like they talk about farts all the time,
and every once in a while I have to say, Okay,
(49:35):
we've hit the fart quota, and I have to explain,
you know you're out. You don't say this when you're
out and about because it's rude. That's another thing that
happened on our walk is that Bryn Brinton, as we
were walking on the street, looked at me and goes, daddy,
I farted again. And this guy from his car window,
I mean, he goes, you fired again, You slok And
(49:55):
he's smiling at me, and I got this kid's really proud.
Well okay. One I want to say about swears is
I think part of why I don't love like swearing
all the time is because it feels like you're communicating
anger through swearing usually like it's when you're using it,
it's like adding emotion to something. And I think a
degree of that is healthy, Like there's things that people
(50:19):
should express anger over, but to just constantly do that,
it's like a weird I don't know. Yeah, there's versions
of it that feel very you have something to prove.
There's versions of it where you're it's filler and you're
not being as succinct or articulate as you could be. Well,
(50:41):
I mean, there's definitely certain words that we could just
like reclaim and be like, they're not this is not
I swear anymore, you know what I mean? We can
decide that, I don't know, collectively, we as humans, like,
there's plenty of words people say on TV now all
the time that would have been considered swear words fifty
years ago. Shut up, Yeah, this has been We Knows parenting.
(51:06):
If you want to hear more from us, check us
out on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter at we Knows Pod.
If you'd like to send them a question, share story
gives some advice or parenting hypothetical. For the would you
know segment, you can email us at we Knows Pod
at gmail dot com or leave us a voicemail at
three four seven three eight four seven three nine six.
(51:27):
As always, why not leave us a review right one up,
give us a rating and subscribe all of the good stuff.
And it's so nice to be back talking to you
are are fine. We missed to you guys. We'll see
you next week. Good Bye.
I got blah blah blah. Welcome to We Knows Parenting.
I'm Peter McNerney. I'm Beth new We are parents, were
in love, we're married, we got children first and foremost,
we're in love. Uh the first listeners, this is a
(00:31):
love story. We know his parenting a love story. Um,
we've got kids. They're three and four. Maybe in his
three four, we we stopped summarizing. He suddenly turned very
like reality TV couple and we're just like, we're renewing
our vows. Guys, it's joined us on the live telecast
(00:54):
of our vow renewal. Should we just be just like
act like we're huge influences and like that's our ye,
Like here our regular outfits for going out. Who are
we kidding? That's exactly what we do. Um. Anyway, welcome.
We're so glad you're here so you can share, um,
you our our failures and successes. Oh, Beth, it's been
(01:18):
two weeks since we've really talked about So we had
our vacation episode last week, okay, and we got stuff,
we got stuff to discuss. Yeah, we took our kids
on an airplane on a vacation. It was pretty successful.
I'd call it a slam dunk. The worst part of
the vacation was we got stuck in the airport for
(01:39):
a few hours. And our kids actually were pretty happy
the entire time. This was a miracle. So we it
was a thirteen hour travel day. Um more than that
if you count the hour and forty five minute drive
from the late Yeah, but we took our kids, We
got an airplane. We stay on the tarmac for like
(02:00):
an hour or something, and then they were like, actually,
we're not leaving. And then we got back into the
airport and as we're pulling back, Maven was like, we're
home now, and I was like, no, it's going to
be so much longer, so many hours. And then we
stayed in the airport. They're like cut check back in
an hour, check back in an hour. Everything was still
ground because of a storm. So we were there for
(02:21):
three and a half hours until we got back on
the plane. And then we got there and our kids
like didn't really melt down ever. Well, I just wanted
to applaud myself because I really went into action and
I said, we're getting food, we're getting toys, and do
you know what I said? So on the way there, um,
(02:44):
I was like, oh, we're boarding now, So I picked
up Brandon. I got to the front of the line,
and I essentially made you carry Maven for hold Maven
because she was scoring for like twenty minutes and it
made you really tired. And we got on the plane. Well,
she wasn't screaming so much as you were like, we
have to line up, and it was like, not time
to line up yet, so then I had to hold
me even still instead of letting her run around, which
(03:05):
is what she had been doing, right, And we got
on the plane, and you very calmly communicated to me
how that was difficult for you, and I really appreciated
how you told me. When I'm holding a child in
my arms standing still for that long, it makes me
feel like I might actually faint, because not everyone on occasion,
and then the idea of fainting makes me very anxious,
(03:26):
and then I get very angry. So coming home, this
was fresh in my mind, and I was in the
mode of like, you know what, I'm We were in
no rush, We're fine, I don't need to push to
have it my way, And I think all of us
were prepped and relaxed and loose and we handled that
longest day at an airport I've had in a long
(03:48):
long time. Yeah, we were both very calm, but did
communicate the fainting concern to you pretty calmly. After I
stood there for a very long time. I was very
appreciative as to how you communicated that to me, and
as a result, I heard it and was able to
implement it all the quicker because I wasn't busy being defensive.
(04:11):
I'm just saying thank you. It was a very good,
easy vacation otherwise, which helped the us not be stressed
in those moments. So we were at a like, Um,
we took our kids on a boat ride. I don't
think they've been on a real boat ride, like, not
on that kind of boat. It reminded me. So we
were with with Chuck Bryant as we as we discussed,
(04:34):
he gave us will never miss an excuse to name
drop him. He's the sweetest man, best friend Chuck Bryant
on the planet, and he invited us to this thing.
He didn't have to. We had never really hung out,
and boy, what a tremendous weekend it was. He's usually
busy hosting the stuff. You should know podcast. He's very success.
They record to hang out with him. Um, and he
(04:57):
took us on a boat and it was great. But
Brandon Maven were in the back, and I suddenly remembered
the few times I was like on a speedboat as
a kid, where you just go for a while and
it should become and they just curl up and fall
asleep pretty quick. I don't remember curling up and falling
asleep on boats when I was a kid, but I
(05:19):
just had this flash of seeing Brandon curl up and
like it was windy and he was a little bit
over it, and I was like, oh, my gosh, I
remember this exact feeling. It's funny because you and I
have been on boats over the ears, and when I
am on a boat, my body immediately is so happy
and I love the movement, and I'm just like, yes,
this is perfect. Like and you get motion sick and
(05:42):
you don't really especially enjoy being on the boat. Um,
that's fair. I I don't get motions like a lot.
It's happened a couple of times every time I on vacation,
my dad would go, let's go like deep sea fishing,
and we take a boat sea for we did this
one deep sea like a fairways away where it's like choppier,
(06:04):
and we never caught anything, and all of us would
just throw a fishing. Have you seen those shows they
get hit by thousand foot waves. You're right, I will
amend it. Compared to where we normally fish, it was
deeper out into the sea. I don't know. That's where
my dad called it when I was six, and all
I did was throw up off the back of the
boat and we didn't catch anything. Well, I just don't
(06:26):
think you should appropriate the term deep sea fishing, which
is appropriate. Appropriate the deep sea appropriation. I think it's
offensive to my fisherman family members, to all those real,
real Massachusetts fishermen anyway, So sorry, I didn't mean to
offend anybody. Uh So. Brandon Mayven spent this whole weekend
(06:50):
with Chuck's daughter, Ruby, who we've talked about, and they
became best friends and she's exactly in between the age
of bath and bread, and boy was it a joy
to watch this trio of adorable kid cute Like when
we got there, they we slept at their house and
there was a little trundle bed under their daughter's bed,
(07:12):
which may haveven slept in and they were calling it
a sleepover. They called it the underbed, and they called
it the under bed, and they're like, but they care
preferring to it as a sleepover, and they're like, we're
having a sleepover. Are we having a sleepover tonight? Is
this a sleepover? And like then when Mayven woke up
in the morning and came out of the bedroom, she
did like this little jig dance, like she was just
(07:33):
so delighted to wake up there. Um, she's also exhausted
and cranky because ned, but when she woke up in
that bed, she was like, I'm having a sleepover. Like, uh.
It was. It was endlessly adorable. But we basically spent
the whole weekend floating, you know, like it was in
(07:53):
the nineties and Brandon Maven we put on there so
you know, last episode or the for that were talked
about Bread almost drowning in the pool throw on his floaties.
May Haven had her floaties and boy, we you know,
we were watching them. We were there. But it was
not stressful. Well, the first day was a tiny of
(08:16):
stressful because we got these floaties from Maven and she
had never used them before and she was sort of
trying to swim, but not really because it was the
first time and she didn't really know. And she kept
insisting on keeping her legs crossed because she was pretending
to be a mermaid, which was not helping her learn
to swim at all. And she kept insisting she was
(08:37):
a mermaid for like hours. I gotta say she's pretty
good by the end at swimming with perfect crossed. By
the next day she was like really swimming and like
very comfortable, and I was like, okay, that was just
a phase. Well, she kept going, I'm a mermaid and
then she goes, oh, I'm a kid again and she
kicked both. It's just annoying because those floaties keep their
(08:58):
head out of the water, but just early, so it
requires some effort from them to like be aware of
the water, you know what I mean. She just kept
rolling onto her side as a mermaid, and I was like,
this is not that's how they're not going to drown.
Let him swallow lake water and learn all and all.
She learned pretty fast. The next day she was like
(09:19):
totally fine. The other crazy thing was so Bryn hasn't
been swimming really since the last vacation, where he would
not put his head underwater. He was scared of that.
Oh yeah, he was doing a lot of jumping in.
He gets to the lake and just dives in. He
goes under, comes up and he's like, now I'm comfortable
with this, and I well, Bill does a very dramatic
(09:40):
you move, which is that every time he comes up,
he's like squinching his eyes and you're like, are you okay?
And it's just literally the exact same reaction he has
every time he comes out of the water. Well yeah,
it looks panic, like are you okay? And he's always
like yeah, why I'm fine. He just him and you
have such a dramatic flair for every action. It's like
when Chuck handed you the been oculars to see something
(10:01):
and you laid down on the dock like you were
a soldier at roar scouting the enemy. Okay, I will,
I will, I will justify this. There was a giant
thing floating in the water and we're like that a
log or is that a dead beaver? And all of
us tried to look at the binoculars, but we were
(10:22):
on a boat, so we were bobbing. It was bobbling.
We couldn't get a good look. So I jumped on
the dock, laid down and put my elbows down so
that I was not moving at all. I just stand
on the dock. But that wasn't cool at all. Yeah,
what you did was much cooler. And that's what I like.
I look like a sniper checking out that what ended
(10:43):
up like, that's my husband the sniper. Look out, everybody.
I turned my hat backwards. Look at it. Um. Anyway,
it was not a dead beaver. It was it was
a stump. We still don't know. I would too. I
think Brin being comfortable diving onto the water. I think
(11:04):
it's because I let him fall in the pool. He
went under the water and he was like, oh, I'm fine,
Now I'm fine going underwater. You really um fall upwards.
Nailed it, um, another big thing that happened. Prince had
nailed it to Princeton, saying, nailed it a lot. When
(11:26):
last night I wanted to cut his bangs because when
we're swimming, they're going in his eyes a little bit,
and so I trimmed them and I was blowing hairs
off his forehead and he goes, you're blowing me away.
And then he went to go look at his bang
trim in the mirror and he goes, nailed it. Well, yeah,
(11:47):
we went to Smash Burger, which I'll talk about later
and he took a big bitey of his burger and
he goes, smashed Burger. Nailed it. Uh. The other big
things that that happened this week is Maven had her
very first dentist appointment and uh, it actually was not
exciting at all. She was very fast and she nailed it.
(12:09):
They have Netflix nailed she nailed it. They've got Netflix.
At the dentist. Half the time is like discussing what
they're gonna put on the TV, and they put on
the TV and then it's done ten minutes later. But
the dent I don't know if I told you this.
The dentist told me that Maven's teeth are pretty close together,
(12:30):
which will probably remain true as she gets older, which
she's going to have to have the space or thing
that I had. Well, she said, did either one of
you have braces? And I said, I think my wife
did you did right? And she goes, well, she had
a fifty chance of needing braces because of you, So
thanks for nothing, Beth. It just seems like braces have
(12:54):
to be some kind of scam, like, why do we
have to do that. I don't think we have to.
I mean, have you seen my teeth? Have you seen
your teeth? M teeth are not good. Your teeth are
great anyway, the mine or not. You know what's weird
about this dentist office thing is just it's one of
those weird reminders of how adult you are, because they
(13:16):
are one of the few places that sees us all
as a family unit. So I come in there like
how's the family? And then they called me today and
they were like, we couldn't get ahold of your husband.
Can you tell him his appointments canceled? It was like
when you texted me, I was like, I feel delinquent.
Was like, I'll call you back when I have a minute.
They've called me twice. They called you. Well, they were like,
(13:38):
he just confirmed his appointment and it's we tried to
tell him it has to be rescheduled, and it was
like I confirmed it before they rescheduled it. Well, don't
try to put this on me. Dentist really really nice
communicative dentists that treats us all really well. I just
think it's funny to realize that you're an older and
(14:00):
with a family that you take to the dentist. We
have a family dentist. Wow, we really did it, nailed it.
This next segment is called he Knows What They Said,
And this is where we share some funny things our
kids said. We have done this segment in a while,
(14:22):
but I went. So I'll preface this by saying that
on Saturday, I spent basically the whole day with the kids.
You you have, you had a lot of work to do,
so you went to a work and I decided to
take them to You'll never guess where smash Burger, but
either this is at least a sixteen minute walk for
(14:44):
an adult walking alone. And we walked all the way there,
and we walked all the way back, and nobody had
a meltdown until we got home and we're walking up
the stairs. I call that another huge victory. Well, I'm
impressed that you can march them around. I I feel
like they would somehow derailed up for me. It was
(15:05):
the right time of day. I did take them to
the playground where I took them almost that I can't
remember anyway, I did take them pretty far one day
to them all the way that the second for this
playground from where we are. Yeah, good work. Um. And
they kept saying things and I kept writing them down
(15:26):
and I texted them to you. I knew you're trying
to work. Oh my god, yeah, these are so funny. Um.
As we were walking Bryn Brent said, we went down
a side street. He goes, Daddy, did you know that
this is a short cut? And then Maven, without hesitating, goes,
(15:46):
did you know that this is a haircut? And then
she slowly pointed to her head and went on my head.
She's really into mimicking, like the last thing said. She's like,
really yes, Ander with brands, oh yeah, big time, but
it will be with things that brand will be like, Daddy,
(16:07):
I don't I don't think we should have this kind
of treat because you you said that after eight all
my food that we could have a treat. I'm like, okay,
we'll do something else. And then Mayven goes, hey, daddy,
I don't think that we should have this kind of
treat because and she'll repeat the whole logic and it's
a question I already answer, and she's like trying to
get the words right, but she like steps up, like
(16:30):
slips up a little bit. She's like, it's um the treat,
but she's really selling the logic, like as if she
did not hear anything that was just said. It's not
it's not like we always repeat back the last thing,
Prince and be like, Mommy, we need that. It's not
like repeating in a playful way. It's repeating as if
(16:51):
it never happened. Um. Great. So then we kept walking.
I texted that to you because I thought it was
so funny. And then we we're passing a playground and
Brain goes he sees it and goes daddy, And I
look at Bran and I go, Bryn, are you thinking
what I'm thinking? And he goes, yeah, about coins? What's
(17:14):
his logic for coins? No idea? I literally laughed really hard,
and then he just stopped talking about it. And then
I texted you that it was like a perfect pinky
in the brain bit, pinky, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Coins? Oh?
Can I tell a story now? We So we're doing
(17:36):
story time last night and I finally got them off
their go to storyline of like doing a dog named
Poop that wants to fart or whatever. So doing stories
about this aliens, and Bryan was saying, like, we're having
them like travel around to different planets. And then they
left the galaxy and then Bryn was like, they went
to the place next to space, and I was like,
(18:00):
what's it called? And he was like Solange. He literally
said Solange. And then we kept talking and then there's
another place next to that name called sausage. But Solange
was like some like magical universe where you could there
was like endless food. Wow, that's incredible. I try so
(18:22):
hard to get them to do new characters, and the
more I try to set that up, the more they
do the opposite. Um Tonight, we told a story about skeleton,
the skeleton, and I said, maybe there's something really weird
about a skeleton, Skelton, what's so weird about skeleton? And
Mayven goes and he he moves, he goes clickity clackety
clickity clackety clickity clack, and then bring goes no, he
(18:43):
goes clickity clack, clickity clack, and that became a fight.
But did we talk about how Bryn was saying something
about how if you had wrong information and he was
trying to define the concept of wrong information, and he
said it would be wrong information to say a skeleton
has no That is wrong information. That's fake news, right there.
(19:08):
Skeletons have bones. It is their defining feature. Um all right,
here's another thing that was said a couple of blocks later. Bryn,
my shorts are itchy. Then Maven, my shirt is itchy?
And then Bryn, Daddy, why did you grow itchy? Kids?
(19:34):
I like the eye texted that to you and you said,
did you explain that I grew them? It's like, sorry,
didn't get it. Seems relevant. Hey, they just read the
Where Did I Come From? Book? So they're pulling it
from that. Not We currently have books on birth and
death in our home. Now. Yeah, I read that Lifetimes
(19:57):
book to them, and Brent has some has some heavy
interesting questions. He's the night after you read it to
him or you or my sister. He we were picking
up books and he saw that when he goes, I
don't like this book. Yeah, well he gets it. Yeah,
Maven does not. She's like, is that aunt dead? Is
(20:21):
it alive? Um? Great? So then Maven, as we were walking,
then she started saying out of nowhere, she just she
had this exact phrasing. She go, Okay, why is there
a car in the street? And then she repeated, Okay,
(20:43):
why is there a car in the street. It's like
she's so incessant with like requests like that constantly, or
she's like why are we inside? They're both asking those questions,
and they're starting to really bug me. Why are you
doing this? Why is the peanut butter on the bread?
(21:04):
Like what? Like? Why is chicken in my mouth because
you're eating it? Why am I eating it? Like? Um?
All right? So then we here's the last one. We
got into smash Burger and Brind goes, I think we're
talking about superheroes or something, and he's like, what if
(21:24):
I was invisible? Or then he you know, he said,
did you know that I built the smash Burger? I go,
what you did? He goes, Yeah, Yeah, I built the Smashburger.
I was invisible when I did it. So I built
it and nobody saw me. And I built it and
the people saw that it was being built, but they
didn't see me. So it was done. The people said
(21:47):
thanks nothing, and now it's time for did you knows?
This is where we share something that we've read or
learned recently, and we're paying it forward. Passing it on
(22:14):
to yours um. This article is from the New York
Times Parenting section. It's called is There any Way to
emotionally Prepare for Parenthood? It's by Lindsay Hunter Lopez, and
it talks about they interviewed different experts to try to
figure out what ways can you actually prepare for being
a new parent for the first time, And so it
(22:35):
has a list I think of very helpful things to
focus on. It says, you know, manage your expectations, let
go of ideal and idealized image of parenthood or birth um,
connect with your partner. It's said, overestimate recovery time. Make
sure getting sleep. I thought the part about getting sleep,
(22:56):
and it also says make sure you have social support.
The are so important. Like the sleep thing. It talks
about how in this article about how you know sleep
defribation can lead to postpartum depression and stuff like that,
and you you just can't function as a person without sleep.
You need to figure out a way that you're gonna
(23:17):
get sleep. Oh yeah, And I mean it's not obviously,
And there's very difficult, many different difficult things of having children,
but one of the most common is just that irregularity
of sleep, and this does make a point of that, um,
eliciting friends, help from family and friends to help you
(23:41):
specifically get the sleep you need to do the job.
And that's actually something I never considered. Well, I think
that's really important, and I think unfortunately we didn't. We
don't have a lot of close family. But my sister
did help with that. Oh yeah, um, um, she's she
nailed it, nailed it. We know where he gets it. Um.
(24:05):
The article also talks about how you should take time
to see friends and pursue passions or hobbies so that
you help retain a sense of your former self, which
I think is something isn't talked about enough, especially for moms.
It's just you can get so consumed by the grind
of like I have to keep this baby alive. I
have to keep this baby alive, and then you like
(24:25):
you just start to go insane because you're like, who
am I what is my life? Like? What? I mean?
A big part, a big part of that is inevitable
because it is a oh everything theory. You're not on
the podcast, um, because it's this Oh, your life will
(24:48):
never be the same because it is the first time
where truly truly, it's not about just you anymore. And
it's because it's the first time. You don't really know
if that feeling is ever going to go away. Because
babies are so like emotionally and physically exhausting, you kind
of are like, oh, no, twenty four hours a day
for the rest of my life, what has happened? You
(25:09):
know what I mean? Like it feels so incessant in
the moment because it's hard you can't conceptualize like months
and months of this happening. I mean for us, we
also did this. We did this major life change right
after we moved to the suburbs where we knew nobody
(25:30):
and suddenly seeing people was impossible, and I feel like, well,
we we also didn't have a lot of friends who
had kids, so it's not like people knew to like
reach out to us and be like, hey, let me
just come over and bring you a sandwich. And also
people coming over, it's very annoying for them to like
(25:50):
come up here. Exactly. You have to plan a real
you're pulling a real favor if you have someone to like,
I don't make people come up here. We need to
and I find a big day with big things we
need to. I do think this weekend of hang out
with people that made me realize we do need to
figure out a way to like host people somewhere, because
(26:10):
it's like weird to never have events, do you know
what I mean? Yeah, but it's in I mean, this
is it's saying how quickly you forget? Because I'm suddenly
feeling this such freedom comparatively the fact that I can
take my kids outside and we can walk around for
(26:32):
an hour and they're fine, and we can and like
the idea of throwing them in the car And we
drove to New Jersey to visit my aunt and cousins
yesterday and it was no big deal. Like you packed
a whole bag of snacks and stuff, which is great
and like helpful, but I didn't need it. Uh in
the end, Well, they did eat the bananas and drink
the water. I'm not saying it was it was a
(26:54):
great idea, but if I didn't have it, it would
be fine. And that is a huge change from the
know a year ago to when Brin was born, where
like you couldn't go anywhere unless you thought through all
of that stuff. Well, that wasn't nice thing about traveling
with them on the airplane this weekend. It's just like,
oh my god, I can hand this kid and iPad
(27:15):
and he's not like I don't have I'm not about
to endure like two hours of potential torture. I said.
So we both sat with both of our kids on
one leg or the other, um and uh, both of them.
I gave them the iPad for a while. They don't
they don't get it any other time when they're on
the plane pretty much. And they both watched it for
(27:37):
you know, an hour hour and a half. They got
they got sick of it and gave it back to me,
and then they drew a little bit and you know,
then they sort of like took a nap. There was
none of that. It was also that we brought stuff
for them to draw with because I feel like that
helped a lot. And then we brought it to the
restaurant the other night when we got back, and I
(27:58):
was like, we really need to remember to bring some
kind of activity when we go. Pens and a notebook
is is all we need? Now? Yeah, we took them
to dinner and they didn't run away that much. Brent
did run away to like murder some spiders. Oh yeah,
he's he's into killing bugs a little bit. And I'm
(28:21):
not really concerned, um because I know, like I've killed
plenty of tiny little bugs, and I also don't want
to go overboard, and I know that some people are
gonna have different feelings about this, but I'm like, it's
fine if he kills a spider. I don't want to
make like a huge thing of it. I don't want to.
(28:41):
But I have been making an effort to be like,
you know, let's not kill a thing if we don't
have to write if it's not you know, And then
that became becomes well when do you have to? And
well if it's a spider that could bite you in
your bedroom, and now he's like, there's spiders in my bedroom,
I'm like, oh no. Um. So I've I've been sort
(29:07):
of wishwashy on the rules of murder, but the ethics
of murder. But I did say one thing that really,
if you feel like having a steak, murders, okay, but
are we using the whole is it to grasp that? No?
So I told Britain one thing where he was looking
(29:30):
at these tiny bugs and he was trying to smash
like step on one. I'm like, Britain, don't let him go.
Like and then I said, could you imagine if they're
a giant walked by and suddenly smacked his hand down
on you and you got crushed. Oh my god, that's terrifying.
And Bryn really took that in and he looked graphic.
(29:53):
It wasn't as quite as intense as I just made
it sound, but I may I'm spend time looking at
making him look at the sky to see how big
this thing was. And he let that bug alone. It
sounds like I guess that traumatized you, m um. But anyway,
(30:14):
back to this article. Back to this article, I mean,
I overall, I just love that it's sort of telling
people to really take care of themselves and protect themselves.
Like the thing about telling women to overestimate recovery time.
I think is so important because our culture doesn't discuss
postpartment enough, so people don't know what they're in for,
(30:35):
and then if there's any kind of extra complications on
top of that, which they're often is because it's childbirth,
then people are extra unprepared. So you know what I mean.
Like people, I think it is sort of important to
like set the right expectations with your workplace and your
other responsibilities to be like, I will be relatively incapacitated
(30:56):
for a while, you know what I mean. Obviously A
big part of it, though, is you don't really know
how it's gonna go for you know, you know you
can do, you do your homework, you should know a
lot of the technical stuff, but you can't read a
book to tell you how you're gonna feel um, because
(31:18):
it's gonna be um. I think it's helpful to hear
what other people's experiences have been been so you don't
feel like when you're having these feelings that there's something
wrong with you. But even if you have a wide
perspective of different experiences, your your journey is going to
be your own. Yeah, but I yeah, I think I
(31:39):
like that this article is sort of like telling you
to have a general awareness of these things because because
you don't know what you're in for, and it gets
I think, in the public imagination, it gets really downplayed
the kinds of the issues people are dealing with in postpartum.
Then people feel like something's wrong with them, Like you said,
they're they're like, why am I not handling this? As
(32:01):
well as other people seem to be, and then that
perpetuates the problem because they don't get help for mental
or physical problems they're experiencing, and then the recovery time
is even more drawn out, you know what I mean.
So you, I don't know, you really need to get
yourself checked in on by medical professionals or your family
(32:22):
or whoever. Ask for help. Yeah, I think it's I
do think you should let people know, like, this is
going to be really hard and I'm not going to
want to ask for help when I'm in it. I
feel like a lot of us, when you're overwhelmed, you're
not really in a good place to reach out for help.
So you like, it's not a bad idea to have
(32:42):
people remind people to check in on you. And I
think for women to remind their spouses to be checking in.
I was just gonna say that that spouses. I can
speak speaking for myself as the as as the husband
in this that I think for a lot of guys
(33:03):
and not just guys, but this is a stereotypical thing
of you know who are very just like just tell
me what to do and I'll do that as supposed to,
Like they might not be able to tell you what
they need and want, and so you have to be
proactive and to keep your mind open that there might
be needs that are here that I'm not going to
(33:25):
be be given an a to be instruction on well.
And women are programmed by from a very young age
to check in on each other, and like they're told
they're responsible for the emotional needs of people around them,
and men are not taught that. So men are not
necessarily always has tuned in to those kinds of issues.
(33:46):
So yeah, and you know, we've we've had plenty of
those arguments, and I've some of my friends do of that,
like just tell me what you want, and that's the
emotional Like I want you to be paying attention to
me day to day, not when at the point I'm
boiling with ancher And some of these things, can you
just solve them before I have to tell you how
(34:08):
to solve them. But Okay, we're all learning, we all
figure stuff out, communicate. Yeah, but I think it's I
think we've talked about this before, but I think men
need to sort of step up their game in a
lot of ways and understand the seriousness of the task
at hand of keeping a baby alive. Um and recovering
(34:29):
from you know, massive internal bleeding. And I don't know
why I just laughed at massive internal bleeding. I mean,
it's the reality you're bleeding for six weeks from an
internal wound that where a baby was attached to your body.
So then, but women need to also like try to
(34:50):
rewire our cultural expectation, which is that like we're we
are supposed to not need any help and just figure
it out on our own and be perfect mothers intuitively
all the time. And we need to get over that
and realize it's okay to ask for help, it's okay
to demand better treatment from your spouse, and to admit
that you don't know what you need, you know, I think, yeah,
(35:12):
I think it's sometimes you just need to be like
I feel horrible. I don't know if it's hormones or
sleep deprivation or whatever, but I need someone to help
me right now. Do you know what I mean? Can
I This is a real tangent, But last night you
asked me to put my elbows into your back and
(35:34):
I didn't do it, and I just wanted to know
that I feel guilty about it. I'm glad because you
refusing to give massages is one of the real uh
points of contention in our relationship. How often do I refuse? Well,
I don't ask very often because you never will give
a massage. That's that's not true. I almost always say yes,
(35:57):
I will go. You give him once a year. That's
not true. You asked me to do every six months.
If you ever asked me to do it, I almost
always do it because I'm great. I disagree. Well, oh
my boy, here here's the here's a question. How many
(36:20):
of you out there? I have a spouse who who
will be laying in bed for an hour plus and
then you come into the room and you lay down,
and then five seconds later they say, will you give
me a glass of water? And and then you will
pop up and go get them a glass of water.
Oh my god, this person sounds like a nightmare to
live with. How do you handle it? But think of
(36:43):
that like like every night for your whole marriage? Well,
you know, what would you do? Listen? I think what
I would do in that social situation is I would
learn that when I get up to go to bed
and I'm heading into the bathroom, I go get a
glass water and bring it to my wife. Have you
noticed that I do that sometimes sometimes one what would you?
I'm just I'm not saying that you shouldn't do that
(37:05):
because I like water. Water is good for you. It's
the like, hey, will you go do a thing that
I am perfectly capable of doing? But I just don't
want to get tired in bed. I'm about to drift off.
I don't want to get up. It's it's what would
you do if I did that to you? Would you
go get me a glass of water? I'm standing, yeah, no,
(37:26):
after you've laid down, would you do it? I've never
have it. I probably never will ask you to do this,
But would you do it? I do so many things
for you all the time. Sure, but it's never give
me a glass of water because you don't want a
glass of water and I do sometimes because you don't
(37:47):
know how to drink water. You give me water when
I don't have when you're like, I'm cranky and tired,
and look look how red my face is in this hot,
hot day. Specifically, what could the reason be? When I'm
laying a bed, you come and lay down, and then
ten seconds later I said, will you could give me
the glass and water? Would you do it? Oh my god. Yes, Okay,
(38:12):
I'm going to do it one time in our whole relationship,
and I'm gonna save it. Okay, first, I don't know when,
just because I promised for no reason on this podcast. Okay,
I'll get you water. I will get there. And then
whenever you asked me for a glass water, I will
get it. And secret even though I'm sort of like
(38:34):
complaining about it, it really weirdly makes me happy to
get you water. If anyone listening thinks it's sounds like
a serious issue that I asked my husband to get
me a glass water, please right in and let me know.
I was trying to end this on a positive note,
saying that I like doing things for you, but I
will take this to a competitive place if you want to. No,
(38:59):
I don't want to continue. You're talking about this ever again,
don't send us any emails about the glass of water?
Will you can get me a glass of water? This
next segment is called Listeners want to Knows. It's where
(39:21):
we take questions and comments from you guys. All right,
let's get into it. Hey, guys, I love you. I'm
twenty three, and I have gone through baby fever approximately
two dozen times within the last six years, the duration
of my relationship with my high school sweetheart. I'm also
a total research freak, so I've been listening to your
podcast for nearly a year now. I'm probably still aways
(39:45):
from having my own kids, but I want to be
prepared as possible. So a few questions. First, How do
I impress upon my boyfriend the importance of research for
having kids, reading the books, listening to podcasts, and blah
blah blah. No, I'm sure he'll come around on once
reality settles in. Hopefully got any spells, Beth, just kidding,
You're not quit You're not kidding. Um, real question. We
(40:09):
can hit both these real questions. Let's deal with this. Okay,
we sort of just talked about this, but okay, Well,
first of all, I just want to say her talking
about having baby fever at twenty three is like so
true to my experience where I hit somewhere around that
age and all of a sudden I was just filled
with like animalistic desire for a baby, Like really it
(40:32):
would I well, I've always loved babies, but I hit
a certain age where I would just find myself staring
at people's babies on the subway, like so in love,
Like I would just like, I don't. I don't think
I knew this about you. I mean, and you fell
in love with certain No, but this is when I
was having like a sort of career transition issues, not
(40:53):
liking my jobs. And this is when I was like, oh,
I'm going to babysit and get this out of my system.
And it really did get it out of my sis
them because if you spend a few hours with a kid,
you're like, yeah, I'm good. I don't need to have
that at home all the time, you know what I mean.
It's so kids are so exhausting. That's why I feel
when I hang out with dogs. But I loved I
(41:14):
love being with those kids when my babysat, they were
like so fun. But anyway, um, her question, how does
she prepare her boyfriend? Uh? Yeah, I guess we did
just talk about this. Um, But I like what she
asked about spells because I do kind of want to
give her. Uh. Some advice I've received from my spiritual
(41:36):
advisor is that you you picture the person in your
in your relationship doing the thing you want them to do,
or like behaving in a pleasing way and then you
start manifesting that because you're interacting with that person in
a way that implies that they are up to the
(41:59):
task at hand, and it doesn't doubt them unfulfilling that.
Do you know what I mean? You know what? I
can totally get behind that because I can I can
feel when I'm with somebody, when I think that they
have already decided that I'm going to fail them or
(42:21):
that I'm not capable of this, I can feel the
energy from them, and boy, it's it's it's more likely
become true because I don't well. You and I used
to get in a lot of fights because you would
do something that really set me off because it had
happened like ten or more times, and I would be like,
you always do this, and then you would get mad
because you're You were like, you're painting me as someone
who always is bad or doing this thing, and I
(42:43):
was like, but you are, but really if I was,
when I was so focused on that what had had
had happened, even if it had happened many times, it
was like kind of manifesting the continual repetition of that
event instead of me being like you, I don't like
what is currently happening and I needed to change. Yeah, well,
(43:05):
I spend all my energy if no one is ever
going to respond to somebody saying you always, because even
if it's a live it's a pattern, it's not true.
And I'm gonna spend the time defending myself on that.
But if we actually I mean, that's a different thing
to talk about. The actually So yeah, her question you
treat somebody is if they're capable of it, and they
(43:26):
from you're not dealing with all the defensive bullshit, can
you we talk about? What's her next question? The real
question that I really came here for is how do
you guys deal with swearing? Do you guys swear around
your kids? Do other people? How do you feel about it?
Do you talk about it? With Brandon Maven? As a child,
I knew adult swore and kind of learned to gauge
(43:48):
the severity, sincerity tone of a conversation by how many
swear words were used and which ones, for example, f
were advance, something was, someone was very upset, ring up.
I've learned there that they are often used for emphasis,
But I also have met people who are vehement about
not ever swearing in front of their kids. Alternatively, I
(44:10):
have heard, I believe it was from dak Shephard, that
some people allow their kids to to hear swearing and
even swear themselves, with the condition that this is the
verity of the words be respected and that the words
themselves be used correctly. I'd love to know what you guys,
if you've already dealt with this uh and your individual
thoughts and these questions. Sending you all love, hugs and
(44:34):
whatever Peter, and whether Peter likes or not all the
happy and joyous vibes insert maniacal spiritual laughter here, Lysia,
I'm I'm fine with vibes. You're fine, fine, thank you,
because I'm sending them, I'm receiving them. Okay. Anyway, her question,
(44:57):
so how do we handle swearing with our kids? So
I like some of her points. I will say largely,
we don't swear because we weren't raised in swearing households,
so it doesn't flow off the tongue as often. But
but this weekend, when we were hanging out with them
amongst people, I realized I was more in kind to
(45:19):
swear because I was trying to communicate information to you
know what I mean, like everyone that shipped off that
shitty table. Well, yeah, that I'm talking about the part
of the vacation where I was telling everyone to clean
up an insulting Chuck's table. No, I mean, but I
(45:40):
was like, there's certain issues you're you'll be discussing where
it just occasionally it feels like for emphasis you will
swear to like get your point across. And I don't
even in those cases. I don't swear super often, but
I don't think I like what this UM listener was
saying about this idea that you're teaching kids to use
(46:01):
them properly, there is maybe a place for swearing. Um. Well, one,
I just realized that we've we just talked about how
much we love Chuck um and we didn't. I just
need to mention that Chuck's a wonderful wife. Emily was
also our host and is an incredible human being in
care of us as well. So Emily, we love you too.
(46:23):
Uh uh. Your whole family is beautiful. They made us
ice cream twice in an ice cream machine. It really
was so wonderful. Um wrin he knows like some friend
told them all to swear words and im and he
told me that he learned them and he knows that
(46:44):
they're bad. And I flashed back to those types of
conversations in elementary school when you talk about swear words
and the like the intensity in which you secretly tell
your friends tells you immediately that these are dangerous words.
You don't tell people so like it's like the method,
like the I was gonna say, the mythology, like the
(47:06):
the weight and the mystery around them makes it clear
that they're they're powerful. Um, but brin two things, Bryn
has become the swear word police. But he'll do it
with now anytime I say dumb or stupid, which you
don't say in schools in any context anymore. And I
(47:27):
was like, this, this is a dumb I don't know,
like toy or no, not even that. It's like, what's
the most harmless way you could use the word dumb,
not talking about a person. Uh yeah, you were like
that's a dumb show or something. I was like, this,
this thing is put together, this is stupid, and he goes,
(47:47):
Daddy said a bad word, and I have to keep
and I have to validate it. He's always calling our
friends out on that when they're like, oh, this dumb
thing or this stupid and he's like, that's a bad word.
Like yeah, But also in the last fifteen years working
for story Pirates, my language has changed a ton. I'll
(48:09):
still you know, I'll still say shit, fuck. I was
gonna say the F word, the S word, but you know,
this is explicit podcast. I'll say that, but I've removed
things like that sucks or oh my god, which, um,
you know, because we're performing in schools and we don't
say and I don't say dumb, and I don't call
(48:30):
people stupid no like body image stuff. Um, and that's
so like I speak better in general than I ever
did growing up. Um, Like, I don't say shut up.
I mean, I'm an adult anyway, just casually says, hey,
shut up, shut up, Beth, shut up. Like if you're
(48:51):
just throwing that out there, I'm just thinking about my childhood.
It's just nothing but my brothers and I just screaming
shut up, shut up is such a weird, like andies
thing to me. Maybe it's from from much longer than that,
but it feels like so specific to child's It just
NonStop saying shut up, shut up, shut up. This sucks.
(49:13):
I wish we had pizza. I'm gonna get on my skateboard.
Shut up. It does feel good. We're not gonna be
too uptight about it. But you know, it's like we
tolerate certain things, like they talk about farts all the time,
and every once in a while I have to say, Okay,
(49:35):
we've hit the fart quota, and I have to explain,
you know you're out. You don't say this when you're
out and about because it's rude. That's another thing that
happened on our walk is that Bryn Brinton, as we
were walking on the street, looked at me and goes, daddy,
I farted again. And this guy from his car window,
I mean, he goes, you fired again, You slok And
(49:55):
he's smiling at me, and I got this kid's really proud.
Well okay. One I want to say about swears is
I think part of why I don't love like swearing
all the time is because it feels like you're communicating
anger through swearing usually like it's when you're using it,
it's like adding emotion to something. And I think a
degree of that is healthy, Like there's things that people
(50:19):
should express anger over, but to just constantly do that,
it's like a weird I don't know. Yeah, there's versions
of it that feel very you have something to prove.
There's versions of it where you're it's filler and you're
not being as succinct or articulate as you could be. Well,
(50:41):
I mean, there's definitely certain words that we could just
like reclaim and be like, they're not this is not
I swear anymore, you know what I mean? We can
decide that, I don't know, collectively, we as humans, like,
there's plenty of words people say on TV now all
the time that would have been considered swear words fifty
years ago. Shut up, Yeah, this has been We Knows parenting.
(51:06):
If you want to hear more from us, check us
out on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter at we Knows Pod.
If you'd like to send them a question, share story
gives some advice or parenting hypothetical. For the would you
know segment, you can email us at we Knows Pod
at gmail dot com or leave us a voicemail at
three four seven three eight four seven three nine six.
(51:27):
As always, why not leave us a review right one up,
give us a rating and subscribe all of the good stuff.
And it's so nice to be back talking to you
are are fine. We missed to you guys. We'll see
you next week. Good Bye.
We Knows Parenting News
Hosts And Creators
Beth Newell
Peter McNerney
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