May 21, 2019 • 48 mins
This week it gets hot and humid and as a result Peter gets cranky, then Bryn and Maeven get cranky, then Peter gets more cranky, then the kids get more cranky, then things get whiny and fights about nothing grow and multiply, then Beth comes home and has to record a podcast with an incredibly whiny, cranky and whiny Peter. And then he writes a stupid show description that no one likes, him most of all! He’s not acting out YOU’RE acting out!!!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Ben take Far. I got the hello and welcome to
we know his parenting. I'm Beth Nowell, Peter McNerney. We
are your non expert parents. We are your non expert parents.
We are you're non expert parents, expect parents. That's eight
(00:29):
six degrees and I hate it. It really jumped temperatures
very quickly here where I was talking to our neighbor
outside about this yesterday. I was like, you're turning our
neighbor about the weather. Yeah, it's pretty wild, but I
put it all out there when I'm out there talking
to the neighbors. Um, well, what happened here in New
(00:50):
York was that it was freezing cold and rainy, and
it was too cold to open the windows. And then
all of a sudden it was too hot to keep
the windows open, and it's time to turn on the see.
And I don't like they see. I like having the
windows open. I agree. Uh. I'm so I am so
miserable right now I'm recording this and I've never been
(01:12):
so cranky and upset my whole life. And I'm just
gonna put that all out. You're tired, We're all tired.
It's been a fucking week. I'm going to say that, oh,
I know, I stayed up to watch Game of Throne,
Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones has been ruining our lives. Uh,
don't get me started. I don't want to. I don't
want to hear what you thought of it. You're wrong,
(01:35):
and I'm right. Here's what's hard about the Game of
Thrones finale is that you came home late and watched
it after me, and I knew what had happened and
how I knew how underwhelming it was, and I knew
I had to let you live that experience alone. I
had to stay up late past midnight till one in
the mornings there and go nothing mattered, And I feel
(02:00):
nothing for any of these characters that I it's weird.
I have been an apologist for this show for so long.
It's I will admit it's given me years of entertainment,
which I most I appreciate it. But this last season
it started off kind of wonky. They're really blowing through
(02:20):
plot points. They're not developing stuff, they're not pacing it,
they're not earning it. They just want to be done.
Just give this show to somebody else. They need seven
more season. But the first couple episodes of season I
was like apologizing for it. I was like, hey, they're
just setting stuff up. It'll pay off like the end
of the like, it'll be worth it in the end.
I was wrong. They undercut the essential motivations for every
(02:43):
single character. Why are we talking about this because every
other podcast in the world right now and how we
are allowed to talk about it is affects us as
parents were tired. I was the worst parent today because
of it. Can I say what has really given me
life this week? Is Fleabag Season two is so incredible.
(03:05):
It sounds great, It's so good and on top of
being like emotionally one of the most interesting seasons of
television I've ever watched, it also has an incredibly hot
priest character. Okay, now I'm listening, there's so much sexual tension.
I can't stop thinking about him. I just want to
(03:27):
run another Okay, So you know what happened this week?
What um, you were out of town? You have to
go out of town suddenly. So I was with the kids.
It went it went great. Uh Saturday, we I took
the kids for a walk and we went to smash
(03:48):
Burger for a little treat. If you recall, if you
were to listen to the first six months of this podcast,
it sounds like that's all we ever did was a
smasher kids smash burger, and they can spot it on
the way home from daycare in various places, and so
that's where they want to go. Anyway, we're there and
we're about to go home, we get a text from um,
(04:09):
the mother of one of their mutual friends from daycare.
Can I interrupt to say something quickly, which is, I
don't know if I've discussed this already, but I feel
so much pressure to have play dates on the weekends,
and I'm so tired, and I love these people, but
it's so exhausting to try to schedule stuff in on
(04:30):
the weekends, and I feel so guilty about not wanting
to do it. I think we've struck a nice balance. Yeah,
we're doing okay, We're we're not afraid to say no,
but I feel you I am afraid. I am afraid
to say no because I always say no. Um. But anyway,
(04:52):
so you got sort of have like a second set
of that was a second friends. Now you know, Brita's
been two friends. We now have two parent friends, which
means double the chance that somebody's gonna initiate a weekend thing.
That being said, Beth, we always end up going, and
(05:13):
we love all these people and we really enjoy but
but it's it's hard to actually motivate yourself to go anyway.
I'm out and about already, and I'm like, I guess
I go home. I have a whole day alone with
the kids. And she texts and she says, Hey, you
want to come over. Our son's waking up for a nap.
You want to come now? And I go, yeah, sure,
and I we've never been there. So it was two
(05:33):
blocks away, and it was this is great. I'm already out,
they're already dressed. I'll just go straight there. And we
get there and they have a full, beautiful house, a
beautiful house, and in the backyard. This is our first
friends who live nearby with a house. Um. I was
gonna call them real people, but they're real people. But
(05:56):
that's also insulting to the vast majority of people in
the planet who do not have a beautiful house. Um,
they're actually not regular. They're not They're irregular. If you
have a beautiful house, then a pool. They have a pool.
They have a pool. Suddenly we love them. Betthews are
best friends in the world. So I go over there
(06:19):
and their backyard is beautiful and they're gardening. They've got
a whole vegetable garden and they're like taking all the
pool deck stuff out for the season and Britain. Maven
loves the bulls, but we don't have bathing suits, so
we're not gonna go swimming. But she pulls up her
pant legs to her knee and I was like, all right,
you can sit on the edge of the pool. And
(06:41):
she's sitting there with her friend and there'll be real
cute and brands inside playing with toys, and I'm like,
oh yeah, when we take burn to other people's houses,
you can't tear them away from the toys. Right. So admittedly,
when you're not around, my tolerance for danger very high. Well,
my is for danger is always much higher than yours.
(07:02):
And it's not that I'm neglectful, but I'm doing the
math in the calculations in my head, and I'm always going,
what's the worst thing that could happen right now? And
I'm aware of it and and this, and if you
were there. I've learned to lower my tolerance because you
(07:24):
will be stressed for a day and a half if
something happened. So I'm I'm different when you're around, but
you weren't there. I'm one of those weird moms who
cares about the safety of my children. I just know
that I can let stresses go quickly and you and
you can't. And that's not good or bad, it's just true.
And so you weren't there, and I was relaxing and
(07:45):
we're we're getting ready to go. We don't have bathing suits,
who we are not going in the pool. But then
Maybe has like taken off her shirt and her pants
and they're playing in the hose and everything and it's
really fun. And then Maybe goes, I want to sit
on the step. It's really hot. So I'm like, all right,
you can sit on the first step of the pool.
And I'm sitting next to the pool and I'm like,
(08:07):
I'm if you're sitting on this in the water, I'm
gonna hold your arm like you cannot let go of
me because you don't have any flotation. And then she
starts going let go, and I'm like, I shouldn't have
let you sit in the step, And then Brian comes
running out and he goes pool and he tears off
all his clothes and then he gets and he sits
down on the first step with her, and I'm like, okay.
(08:28):
And then their friend comes and sits and he's a
little younger than maybe, but he knows how to swim
because he has a pool in his house but he
does swim lessons every week for for his whole life.
And his mom comes and he sits down, and we're
all sitting in the corner, like the steps are in
the corner of the pool, so it's very tight, and uh,
Mayvene suddenly like, let go of me, and she's trying
(08:50):
to go down the stairs into the pool and she's like,
let go of me. And our kids are fearless, even
you don't know how to swim. And then Brand's starts
going down the step, but he's holding onto the side,
and I said, like, brand, you can play on the steps,
but you have to hold the side. And he's within
arm reach of me, so I'm like and then she's like, oh,
(09:11):
is he okay? And I literally said, I'm not worried
about him. He's fine. And then Maven pulls her arm
away from me and like starts going down the step,
and so I have to like redouble my grip and
I grabbed her and I'm like, Maven, you can't go
down the step. And then suddenly I hear it and
(09:35):
I look over and Brand has stepped off the last
step and he can't touch the bottom and he is
under the surface of the water in full panic, doggy
paddling trying to get above the water. And I'm not panicked.
H I thought this through earlier, and I even thought, like,
(09:58):
what's in my pockets. I have to go in the pool.
My phone is waterproof. And I reach out to grab
Bryn and he is two inches outside of my reach.
And I'm not worried because it's it's been one second
since he's gone under. But I'm like, oh damn it,
And without thinking, I just pulled Maven's whole body like
(10:21):
out of the water by her one arm that I'm
holding and just throw Maven two their friend's mom and
I go straight into the pool, fully clothed, shoes, jeans,
and I pulled Brain up and he looks, he goes,
and then he looks at me and he goes, I
couldn't swim, daddy. He's the funniest and the worst, and
(10:46):
then standing there in the pool very embarrassed. After I
had said I'm not worried, You're like, yeah, it's cool.
My impulsive son knows his limits. I tell you, like,
I've done the calculation, and I had thought, the worst
thing that happens is I have to go into the pool,
and that happened, and that that's something you're comfortable with.
(11:08):
I was. It wasn't until the next day that I
had the image of him under the water, unable to
go to the surface for two three seconds that I
was suddenly traumatized and very like teary and sad. Yeah,
(11:28):
I mean that always happens to me when something intense happens.
It's a day later that I'm so glad I wasn't
there to see that. And I'm also slightly happy it
happened before our trip next week to Georgia where we're
going to be staying on a lake, because I was
talking never and I was like, you understand now, like why,
(11:49):
and he's already forgotten It was scared and he thinks
it's a cool story. He's a part of. Well, maybe
you should be careful about the way you're retelling it
with him. I get real serious with him. He just
atten mentioning his attention to him. You know, no news,
all news is good news. Yeah, he's uh. He He's
(12:12):
always been like this. I mean, I guess a lot
of kids don't have good boundaries with things like this,
but he's just I remember at a young age him
wandering into the ocean like this and just bobbing up
and down deeper and deeper, and I was like, you
can't do this, Like he just has no I'm a
very strong memory of being at the beach like Michigan
(12:35):
with my mom and I could swim, but it was
very wavy, so I was like going out and like
playing the waves, and then suddenly the ground was gone.
I was just like suddenly deep and I was underneath
and had that experience of I don't know if I
can get to the surface. And then suddenly my mom
was there because she was very much like me as
(12:57):
a parent when she's like, I can see you. If
something happens, I can take care of it. And it
felt like a lifetime of drowning and she saved me.
And I'm sure it was like three seconds, but that
has really stuck with me. Yeah, I hope that's the
last of our drowning scares. I think swim lessons is next. Okay,
(13:21):
so you want to know what happen tonight? Sure, Brin
and I got so cranky at each other. We we
turned weird. I've been so patient and I'm whenever there's
there's resistance, I've learned to get out of the way
of the wave and then ride the wave of his
(13:42):
attention back to what I want. And I don't put
up that like hard wall that just creates conflict. I've
been flexible and fluid as of late, and I've been
really proud of it. Tonight I was just a shitty
wall and brands like I've been doing with Mayven lately
because she's been difficult. I was. We were all so
(14:05):
petty tonight, but three of us She's like, I mean,
we've talked about this already, but she's been She does
that thing where she's like, you pour her milk and
she's like, I want big, and then you have to
pour it to like the tippy top before she's satisfied.
And she does the same thing with toothpaste where she
wants it big and you have to give her the
(14:26):
most enormous amount of toothpaste. So I was like losing
it with her last night because there was so much
tooth based on the toothbrush already. And I was like,
all right, never mind, we're not doing this. And then
I like dragged her out of the bathroom and was
trying to do bedtime and she's still like freaking out.
And finally she climbed out of bed and went into
the bathroom by herself, and I knew she was just
(14:48):
like probably putting a ton of toothpaste on, but I
was like, whatever, I'm not dealing with this. She never
lets anything go. She never forgets. She never forgets. That's
the stereotype. So because I'm one of four boys, I
tell you what, brothers, we always forget. And it's great.
(15:09):
We fight hard, we burn hot and bright, and then
we run on, I guess, and forget what we were
talking about and move on. And I've heard anecdotally and
stereotypically that sisters are not that way. Obviously not all sisters,
but some sisters. Yeah, I mean, you have sister. I
grew up with a sister and a gay brother, and
(15:29):
we never forget, never forget. We never forgot a single thing.
Never forgot a single goddamn thing. Never forget, never forgive. Um,
we never forgive. But it's because we forgot. Can I
tell two quick stories? So we're talked about podcast about
how Brand has a friend of daycare who um slightly
(15:51):
bullies him, tells him things that are not true, like
that Brand's not smart. Yeah, and so the one that
happened this week is that he told Bryan that kids
don't need to eat. Kids don't need food, only grown
ups need food. And I was telling Brennan's that's wrong,
(16:11):
and he's like, yeah, I don't listen to him. It's
like I thought that was the funniest lie. Well maybe
it's finally realized, Like maybe not everything this kid says
is true. Brian had a nice logic, talked himself into
a logic trap in the car, He's like I want um,
(16:34):
He's like I want this toy or whatever. I forget
what it was. And I was like, oh no, sorry,
oh no, I was. He wanted to take you got
him a game, a poop game. What's the game called.
It's called Whoop Pooped. It's like a matching memory game
with animals and poop. Right. Yeah, So one card has
the animal in one card has what that kind of
animals poop looks like? Because you're a cool mom, I'm
(16:56):
a really cool mom. Can I also quickly say I
bought that toy in Richmond where I was this weekend.
And I was in the store and I got as
in a toy store and I got recognized by one
of our podcast listeners. What and it really boosted my
spirits and in a very shitty week I was like, what,
(17:17):
I guess your pictures on the artwork. Yeah. This woman
was like, are you Beth? And I was like yeah,
She's like wow, it was. It was very exciting. Well
shout out to you. I also I was talking to
the guy who worked at the store, who was very nice,
and he's holding a like a like a little plastic
(17:38):
box in his hand and while he was talking to me,
he crushed it in his hand by accident, and I
was like, am I this intimidating? I don't know what.
He was like, oh, hey man, yeah I could help.
I'm so sorry. I just had this box of boo.
(18:00):
I was like, I get I don't know what's happening here,
but I feel gorgeous. Um, baby, you look gorgeous. Thank you.
You know what I did yesterday? What I did a
story part show and Terrytown, New York and big, very
beautiful old theater, the Terrytown Music Hall. I think it's
(18:22):
called um And I don't perform on stage that much
for story parts anymore. It's mostly the podcast. Because I'm older,
I got kids, you know. So I go out there
and I'm hosting, and there's three d kids that all
know me very well, Peter the character and story parts.
It's very exciting. The energy is there. And I go
out there and I do this opening bit where I'm like, hey,
(18:45):
we're the story parts. We do take stories written by
kids and we turned them into snacks. And then I
get it wrong and the kids are like, that's not
what you do, and I'm like, oh, right, right, right,
right right. We take stories where my kids we turn
them into And then the last thing I say is
into you a breakdancing show, give me a bait uh,
and then I do this giant improvised break quote unquote
(19:07):
breakdancing thing. The whole joke is that I'm terrible at breakdancing,
and all the other actors are like, Peter, stop stop,
and I start doing the worm, and the joke is
I can't do the worm, and that's in real life,
I can't do it. And I kept jumping up and
just slamming my whole body on the stage Elementary School,
because no, what the worm it was not is not
(19:29):
necessary to laugh at the physical comedy that I was
giving them. I was throwing my body onto the avoidably
charming physical comedy and I was throwing my body on
the stage in a like comedic painful way and it
was really funny and it killed. And then I was
like got up, and I was like, all right, now,
time to introduce the show. And I realized that I
(19:50):
was so out of breath that I couldn't introduce the
next part of the show. A new story for you
to injure or incapacitate yourself on stage for the sake
of laughter. I've injured myself, but I've never realized that
I don't have the lung capacity where I literally need
to just stop and make a joke that that I'm
(20:14):
embarrassingly out of breath. Everyone laughed, and then I had
to take three more deep breaths and realized that I
really do need to stop. And then I made a
joke about like there's even a gym in my building,
and everybody laughed and I was like, great that, Bobby.
A few more seconds. Suddenly sweat is pouring down my
head and I realized I had to moderate like a
three minute story and the next thing, and it was
(20:36):
a real moment of mortality. None of this is surprising
to me. Can we go back to the Hoop Pooped game?
Because this game is very funny and it also came
with a pamphlet that explains the types of poop that
different animals have at length and the consistency of the
poop based on what they're eating and the shape of
(20:57):
the poop, and Brin loves it. And if that leads
me back to my story. So this morning, brand Brin
was like putting things in his pocket to go to
daycare and he's like, I'm gonna put this in my backpack.
He was like, I need to show everyone at daycare
these poop descriptions the book, the Book of Poop, And
(21:20):
I was like, Brand, you can't take that. It's pott
of humor. And he goes and he got real upset,
and I'm like, I'm not gonna have this fight. I
need to get about the door. So I got him
out the door, we got in the car, and while
he was getting in the car, I took it out
of his backpack and uh, he was none the wiser,
And then I took it back home and I picked him.
So I picked him up today and as we were
(21:41):
driving away, I was like, how's your day at this
and he's like, yeah, but I lost my poop book.
It looks really sad. And I felt so bad because
I could picture him at school and being like like, hey, friends,
look look look I have a thing baack and you're it.
And I said, you know what, you didn't lose it.
He's like, I didn't because it's at home. He's like,
(22:03):
we forgot it. And then he suddenly realized. He's like,
why is it at home? And I was like, I
took it out of your bag and he goes, oh,
and he suddenly relieved. And then he saw in the
rear view mirror his eyes getting narrow as he looked
at me with such hatred, and his lip went up
and he goes, I'm not happy you did that. You're
(22:23):
not nice. I'm never gonna be happy ever again. And
then I said, oh, yeah, well, what if I you
had a bunch of ice cream and he goes, I
would be happy. I'd be happy then. But but then
he said, but if there's no ice cream, then I'll
never be happy again. I go, oh, yeah, Well, what
(22:44):
if mommy hugged you and said you were great? And
he goes, well, then I would be happy. But if
I lost the book and there was no ice cream
and Mommy didn't hug me and say I love me,
I will never be happy again. And I was like,
what if I gave you a high five, um a
hundred times? And he goes, you mean a high one
(23:04):
hundred and I go yeah, I think, goes, then I'd
be happy. I gave my high five and we were good. Um.
I like the poop pamphlet that accompanies the game Whoo
Pooped because it takes kids love of potty humor and
it segues that into science and it's describing a lot
(23:28):
of poop um and then you know it has like
it talks about wombat poop and how it's shaped like
cubes so that they can sort of build, uh, like
a container around their nest or that's the that's the
one thing I read in that and that's the craziest
thing I've ever It's truly insane. Wombats, poop, bricks and it.
(23:49):
It talks about, you know, the different smells of different
poop and some of them don't smell, some of them
do smell. Um, it's the fascinating good work, Mom. This
(24:13):
next segment is called would you Knows. It's where we
present parenting hypothetical situations to one another. Okay, so I
mentioned that I'm in a terrible mood. Yeah, but you
haven't been seeming that cranky. Thank you. I'm trying really hard,
but I'm feeling very pouty. I'm feeling very I'm just
(24:35):
feeling like I just want to be difficult. I got
a lot of work time today, but I didn't do it.
What are you leading to? What's the I thought of
a would you Know? And it's just like a really
dark and creepy because it reflects my mood mood. So
I'd like to apologize to everybody. It's darker than our
(24:57):
child falling into a pool. That's not dark. That was
that was dark? Yeah, it is all right. Ready, this
is a spooky one. Beth. You're asleep, You're in your bed.
I'm asleep next to you, and you suddenly feel an
uneasy feeling when you rustle and tussle mm hmm. And
(25:23):
then suddenly you open your eyes and you see standing
three ft from you, staring straight at you, not moving
at all, with a deadlock stare, eyes half open. Brent
and Maven is a deadlock stare cannot be eyes half open.
(25:46):
It sounds like two different kinds of stairs. Their eyes
are sort of half open, but they're locked right on you.
They're not moving. They're almost like statue, like a white
walker zombie kind of look yeah, just staring at you.
This scares the ship out of you. For a second.
You go hu and you sort of a little scream,
(26:08):
not enough to wake me up, but not much does,
and they don't flinch at all, and you're like Bryn, Maven,
and then you sort of get up and you reach
out to them, and then they sort of like they
sort of like wake up, but they're still sort of
half asleep, and you're like, I guess there's sleepwalking. And
you sort of move them and they started stumbling out
(26:28):
and they go back into bed and they crawled into
bed and you're like, that was the scariest ship that's
ever happened to me, and you go back to sleep. Wait,
they just walk out of the room. They're sort of sleepwalking.
You determine we're together and you're like that was insane,
and you're like, Peter, did you see that? And I
don't say anything because I'm still asleep. I'm really really
(26:50):
you tell these stories like how Bryan would tell these stories,
which is like and then um, they're walking. It's like,
I'm not done, shut up. So you go back to sleep.
Four hours later, there's a tingle down your spine. You
open your eyes. They're standing half a foot from your face,
(27:10):
eyes wide locked onto yours, and you scream, I don't
wake up. This during a too full ghost or it.
Of course you don't wake up because you slept through
my entire labor. Yeah, maybe you're gonna bring that up,
and that's why I'm studying that joke up for you.
And then you go britaon Maven and they just turned
(27:31):
around and they walked back to their beds, and you
go back to sleep and you wake up the morning.
Everything is normal. I was going to do a third
round where it's even scarier, but I'm gonna stop it,
right there, so it's a little more plausible. What do
you do? What do I do in the morning after
this is all over? I mean, first of all, the
(27:54):
them just going back to their beds. I don't think
I'd be like just frolling back over and going to sleep,
like I feel like I would investigate. All right, what
do you investigate? I'll tell you what you find. If
you have questions, be like, are you guys okay, do
you have a bad dream? What's going on? Is there
someone in our home? Why are you both up? They
(28:15):
act like they're sort of a sleep They're just like
they're like, okay, they're sleepwalking. I put them back in bed. Yeah. Um,
I don't really not understand what the question is here.
Would you knows what to do when your your children
sleepwalk together? Here's the thing. You go back into the
(28:38):
room and you see you're classifying this is sleepwalking, not
a supernatural event. Well, I don't know, you don't know
what it is, but it sort of acts like sleepwalking,
but they're doing it together like they're in a horror movie.
I guess, I guess I call the pediatrician. I don't know,
I don't I don't know what you're presenting to me.
(28:59):
You're not giving me a lot of answers. Give an
incredibly specific scenario. Oh did I mention when you go
to roll me over? You roll me over and I'm
a scarecrow? You did not mention that I'm not even there?
You're a scarecrow or you're not there, I'm a full
scarecrow or I'm not there? Is it me? Did I
turn into a scarecrow? Replace my body with a scarecrow?
(29:21):
This is exactly how our son would tell this story,
which is just meandering. Adding in detail gets my point
to the story. The night never ends. You stay up
for the for for infinity. You're trapped in a time loop.
What do you do? And then what do you do?
(29:42):
It's so tired. This is a real breakdown I'm having
on the podcast. Okay, what are you doing? Then the
scarecrow into me and I turned into a whiny mess
like this, and I'm like, help me? What do I do?
I'm like, this is why we don't eat so much
(30:06):
sugar before bed. It's not sugar? Is a pound of
Alfredo Alfredo sauce? Not? Is it? I bought alfred S
bought Alfredo sauce. Yeah, And I regretted it. I remember it.
I's been like five years since I had alfredo. S
(30:26):
it's we're not eating alfredo. Yeah, I forgot. When I
was ten years old, there was nothing as delicious as
fetachini alfredo. You know. Um. Julie Klausner, the comedian, has
talked about this, how like what people consider delicious really
(30:47):
depends on the year and what the fat diets are.
So like in the eighties, people thought eggs and cheese
were like the worst thing you could eat, so things
like alfredo were considered like the most delicious food and
people are like, oh, I wish I could have some Alfreda,
Like it's so funny. And we went to the Disney
(31:07):
World and when I was a kid, and it was
the Ebbcot Center where it's all the different countries, and
we went to Italy and they had fetacchini alfredo and
I had never had it before, and I ate it.
I was like, this is it. And for like several
years after that, for my birthday, all I wanted to
do was go to Olive Garden. But then I went
to Italy when I was thirteen, and uh, you kept
(31:31):
ordering alfreda. I tried to add order fet Alfredo to
learn that they don't know what that is. Yeah, they're like,
that's not real food. That's a chef party rest like
a white sauce. Yeah, you're like, it's cheese and cream
and just cheap. I bought something and I made dinner
with it tonight in his garbage. Well, now you know
(31:53):
how to cook, and you know that real food is
better than jars of weird cream sauce. The chicken ipe
what in it is really good? Anyway, that's what you
we ate before we went to bed that caused this
hallucination um or this time loop in which your kids
turn into demons and sleep sleepwalked. So what do you
learn from this so much? Um? I guess that our
(32:19):
kids should need Alfred. Oh that's true. That after we're
done recording, I just need a really big hug. Okay, okay,
and now it's time for we don't know. This is
(32:41):
where we discussed a perplexing parenting situation. That's okay, what
do you got? So? I think we talked a little
bit on the podcast about how, um it both difficult
and important is to discuss death with kids in an
age appropriate way. And I have at times sort of
(33:04):
very just occasionally and slowly mentioned to Brinn that my
brother is dead. He passed away years ago, before our
kids were alive. I haven't meanted to talk to you
about this because that's come up a little bit with
between me and them. Okay, so most times I bring
it up, Brin could not care less shrugs it off,
isn't listening or paying attention. And then yesterday I came
(33:28):
home and so we I came home from the airport
and we had a babysitter for an hour to sort
of uh cover when you were gone. So I don't
know if she was asking about this photo we have
on the wall of me as a kid with my brother,
but Bryn suddenly was like, who's that. That's your brother
(33:49):
and he was like he's dead and I was like yeah,
and then he was like, how do he die? He's
just suddenly so interested, Like I guess that I think
this is very developmentally appropriate for him as a four
year old almost five year old, But um, I suddenly
like instead of when I had I had tried to
thoughtfully introduce it before, I was suddenly caught off guard
(34:12):
and I was like, because you're explaining this in front
of the babysitter. No, no, no, she's gone, but he
was just suddenly interested in this photo and so and
then so the circumstances my brother's death obviously are a
little bit um difficult to discuss with a child, because
my brother died from oxyconton use, and I was sort
(34:35):
of like trying to figure out very quickly, like what
is the age appropriate way of explaining that, And I
was like, um, he it was an accident. He died
from an accident, and Brenda was like an accident, and
like clearly wanted more information. But then everything I came
up with my head was not an appropriate way of
explaining it, or at least like in my mind, I
was sort of like, hmmm, I mean, maybe there's a
(34:57):
lesson in this. Maybe I could say, um, he took
too much medicine, or he took medicine and appropriately, but
I just I did. I stopped myself because I was like,
I'm going to give brand some kind of weird phobia
about medicine. So I just didn't say I didn't get
into it, which I think was the right move. I
went through this, I've been through this exact thought process
(35:17):
where I'm like he's gonna he's not going to interpret.
There's too much context missing to say simply. And I
was like, oh, medicine. Now he's gonna all he knows
is liquid taile at all? Right, I was like, he's
going to assume I'm talking about liquid thilet all the
only medicine he knows. Um, yeah, but I UM, I
(35:39):
mean in general, as I'm like, yeah, I I think
being straightforward and honest to those things is really healthy. Yeah.
I think it's important to be as honest as you
can in a way that's appropriate for that age. But
I did. Um. It's interesting because this came up in
(35:59):
my group today. Someone else was posting about kids asking
about death, and someone recommended this book, which I am
scrolling to see if I can find. While she's While
she's looking, I'm gonna paint the picture of where we
record to the audience. As you may know, we have
a blanket for it, of blankets on our walls for
sound installation, and bathlegs to turn off all the lights.
(36:22):
And there's just one candle flickering, and we're really low
to the ground and we have these giant vocal reflectors
in front of our faces, so we can't see each other.
But whenever Beth turns on her phone to look at something,
suddenly the whole ceiling lights up. Okay, so the book
someone recommended is called Lifetimes, which I think is a
(36:44):
maybe out of print book. Sorry I burped, man, I'm yucky.
Brent asked me ten times today, how do you burp?
He's so into asking questions which there's no answer. He
doesn't really here. He's been trying to do a fake
burp sound where he's like uh, and it's not believable. Um,
(37:08):
so we've got to work on that. Anyway. I hope
this book is good as recommended by more than one person,
but so I think, um, we'll we'll report back. Yeah,
it's like it looks like a pretty cheesy eighties children's
book and it's out of print. You're really selling it.
I think it's out of print. I don't people recommended it,
(37:29):
so I'm going to give it a try. We will,
um see what kind of in inappropriate conversations it inspires
with our children were very appropriate or very appropriate. But
you do know he's gonna just like repeat. That's fine.
But I think that's part of why a lot of
parents resist having heavy conversations with their kids about like
(37:51):
sex or death or things, because you know the kids
that are just gonna go tell their friends. Yeah, but
the cover of the book is very like nature e
and I kind of a kind of getting the sense
that it's like going to be talking about like leaves
falling from the trees and stuff like that. So I
think I think it is going to sort of tell
it in a way that kids can conceptualize because there's
(38:12):
leaves of the cover. Yeah, Okay, that's fair, that's valid. Uh,
I'm a good mom. I did research. I'm not I'm
not judging. That's great. What are you teaching our kids
about death? Um? It's Ninja turtle based. Um, this is
(38:36):
a non sequitur. So we're going to Atlanta this weekend.
We've been talking about this a bunch. We're gonna go
hang out with Chuck Bryant. You might have heard of
him from movie Crush stuff. You should know. Yeah, you
mentioned this last week. I know. I want to know.
We're gonna we have like four days ah ah with him?
(38:58):
Is anything you want to know? Should we find out something?
What should we? What should we should? Should we? You
lure him away and I'll go through his basement. I'm
sure Chrek is going to listen to this podcast tomorrow
and really love that you're asking our listeners this question. Yeah,
I mostly asked. I mostly do this for personal information.
Do you want about the very private host of stuff
(39:20):
you should know, Chuck bryant Um? Because I will secretly
find it out and he'll forget that he listened to this.
This is not a well thought out bit. No, you
love to ask our listeners for the most random questions
and information. Listeners, right in and explain to us what
(39:40):
it feels like to do push ups. That's what I
want to know. That's the most random thing I could
think of. Was that funny? She turned on her phone.
The whole ceiling is bright white. She's looking at her phone.
I was looking at more interesting things. Oh boy, are
we done with this section? Yep? This next segment is
(40:07):
called Listeners Want to Knows. It's where we take questions
and comments from you guys. Okay, you guys, here are
your emails. I'm going to read a couple for you. Oh,
here we go, Here we go, Yeah, here we go.
Hi Beth and Peter. It says Peter and Beth I've
(40:30):
done this multiple times where it says Beth and Peter,
you can just get to the question. I don't know
how many times I have to explain this to you.
You don't like it in neither to the listeners. I
love your podcast. Sometimes you make me laugh out loud
a load in my car, and that is the best
I've heard you talk a bunch of times about this
cookbook that has drastically improved your dinner time lives, and
(40:54):
I'd love to get in on that. Did you tell
me the name slash author? I've never managed to catch
that info. We're listening a bunch of chin Several people
have reached out with this question, so I'm answering it
on the air. The book is from America's Test Kitchen
and it's called the Best Simple Recipes. Yeah. I do
(41:15):
think there's more than one book by this title, because
I think America's Test Kitchen has released a couple, but
I'm sure they're all pretty good. You're telling me that
they have released multiple cookbooks with the same title. Yeah,
because some because someone in my mom group recommended it
to me, and I googled it and then saw there's
(41:38):
more than one, and then I went back to the
post where she recommended it, and I looked at the
cover carefully and said, I want to get that one.
All right, Well, there's a report back. Which one do
you find? Audience report? But that's the best You could
go grab the one and describe the picture of food
on the cover. The cover has a sort of britted,
(42:00):
crispy looking chicken with small sort of cherry tomatoes on top.
I would describe him. Yeah, anyway, we love it. Um,
it's real simple. It's just what we need for simple
little brains. And I didn't use it tonight. I just
put some fucking Alfredo sauce on top. I'm sorry, I'm
(42:21):
swearing so much. Well that what I love about the cookbook,
and we've discussed this in the past, is that the
recipes are so simple that you can kind of retain
the information and use it as a reference for improvised
recipes in the future. Everything else I did with the
meal was was good and I ruined it which cheese. Yeah,
(42:42):
now you know the joy of cooking. Hi, Peter and Beth,
last podcast I listened to, you were talking about about
your defiant children. I have to agree. What's this terrible twos?
BS three is the bleep and worst. She bleeped out
her own unfortunately meant, oh my gosh, this episode is Unfortunately.
(43:08):
I have no advice but a failure story. My son
is three and a half and defiant as all get out. Um,
if you'll recall resistance being this is the same person
who wrote in about resistance being every morning. Um, when
we go to get him dressed, it started with him
(43:30):
not wanting to wear anything but sweatpants and decided he
decided he hated jeans, but now it's progressed to hating
sweatpants too, and will only wear black leggings. He calls
them yogurt pants because mom wears yoga pants. Now, whatever
he acts out, we would threaten him with jeans and
(43:51):
he would immediately behave but he's wised up. This morning.
I pulled out the old do it or you're getting
jeans and he lied, I love jeans. I don't know
what to do. You just do what works. Good luck.
Elena from Lake Elmo, Minnesota. I know Lake Elmo. I
(44:13):
like hearing updates on this Resistance Being kid because he
is very funny. He's doing it his way. He's very stubborn.
Um much like our children. Oh yeah, you think you
figure out a thing. Threats and bribes only work for
(44:38):
a short amount of time and then they turn into
something worse. It's not a sustainable it's not a sustainable system.
But they're so tempting to use because they are effective
for a moment or two. And it's it's like overusing antibiotics.
Use too many antibiotics, and then the germs get smart
(45:00):
and they get tougher. Uh, you use too many threats
and bribes, the kids get smart and then they work
around it, and then it stops working, and then you
need bigger threats and bigger bribes. So what you're saying
is don't vaccinate your kids. Yes, And I'm just like,
I don't believe all the data. Um um. She just
(45:28):
turned on her phone again and the whole room lights up.
Are you just checking your email over there? What's going on?
I was going through my notes? Um well, it feels
like an active judgment on this awesome parenting tip I'm giving. No,
it felt like you had a lot of important information
to give our listeners, and while you're doing it, as
going back to my note, I'm cranky and I'm hot
(45:51):
and I'm tired and I can't hide it. And I
love all of your listeners, and and thank you for
letting me wine at you. I'll be better our next week. Actually,
we gotta figure out what we're doing next week because
we're gonna be out of town next week. Oh boy,
oh boy, oh boy. Bet any last thoughts for our
lovely listeners before we say good night? Can I tell
(46:14):
one quick story? Please take this. Brent uh was trying
to change the toilet paper roll yesterday, which is nice,
and he took off the old one and I was like,
going to grab it too. I was like, you gotta
put this in recycling, and he goes, no, Daddy just
puts it on the floor. I thought that was very funny.
(46:39):
That is a gross misrepresentation of me. You're like, no,
I leave it in the bathroom on the back of
the toilet. I picked up everything every night, don't you dare? Bryan.
I started getting my new thing on him. My new
project is cleaning up because boy, that kid just no regard.
(47:00):
But we haven't tried anyway. I'm upset. I'm upset that
he did that misrepresented you. Daddy throws it on the ground,
you you son of a little boy, like, don't worry.
You can just put on the ground. That's what daddy does. Hey,
I can swim. I don't need floaties. Daddy puts it
on the ground. Liar, you're a liar. This has been
(47:26):
another episode of We Knows Parenting. I'm Peter McNerney. That's
Beth noell Uh. Please if you want to send us
an email, ask you a question, Sonda, would you know
hypothetical parenting situation? You can email us that we knows
pot at gmail dot com yeah, or you can leave
us a voicemail at three four seven three eight four
seven three nine six. You can find us on Instagram, Facebook,
(47:49):
Twitter at we knows pod and please rate reviews, subscribe
on iTunes. I love you all so much. Thank you
for supporting me in this love. I'm a humidity fine
Ben take Far. I got the hello and welcome to
we know his parenting. I'm Beth Nowell, Peter McNerney. We
are your non expert parents. We are your non expert parents.
We are you're non expert parents, expect parents. That's eight
(00:29):
six degrees and I hate it. It really jumped temperatures
very quickly here where I was talking to our neighbor
outside about this yesterday. I was like, you're turning our
neighbor about the weather. Yeah, it's pretty wild, but I
put it all out there when I'm out there talking
to the neighbors. Um, well, what happened here in New
(00:50):
York was that it was freezing cold and rainy, and
it was too cold to open the windows. And then
all of a sudden it was too hot to keep
the windows open, and it's time to turn on the see.
And I don't like they see. I like having the
windows open. I agree. Uh. I'm so I am so
miserable right now I'm recording this and I've never been
(01:12):
so cranky and upset my whole life. And I'm just
gonna put that all out. You're tired, We're all tired.
It's been a fucking week. I'm going to say that, oh,
I know, I stayed up to watch Game of Throne,
Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones has been ruining our lives. Uh,
don't get me started. I don't want to. I don't
want to hear what you thought of it. You're wrong,
(01:35):
and I'm right. Here's what's hard about the Game of
Thrones finale is that you came home late and watched
it after me, and I knew what had happened and
how I knew how underwhelming it was, and I knew
I had to let you live that experience alone. I
had to stay up late past midnight till one in
the mornings there and go nothing mattered, And I feel
(02:00):
nothing for any of these characters that I it's weird.
I have been an apologist for this show for so long.
It's I will admit it's given me years of entertainment,
which I most I appreciate it. But this last season
it started off kind of wonky. They're really blowing through
(02:20):
plot points. They're not developing stuff, they're not pacing it,
they're not earning it. They just want to be done.
Just give this show to somebody else. They need seven
more season. But the first couple episodes of season I
was like apologizing for it. I was like, hey, they're
just setting stuff up. It'll pay off like the end
of the like, it'll be worth it in the end.
I was wrong. They undercut the essential motivations for every
(02:43):
single character. Why are we talking about this because every
other podcast in the world right now and how we
are allowed to talk about it is affects us as
parents were tired. I was the worst parent today because
of it. Can I say what has really given me
life this week? Is Fleabag Season two is so incredible.
(03:05):
It sounds great, It's so good and on top of
being like emotionally one of the most interesting seasons of
television I've ever watched, it also has an incredibly hot
priest character. Okay, now I'm listening, there's so much sexual tension.
I can't stop thinking about him. I just want to
(03:27):
run another Okay, So you know what happened this week?
What um, you were out of town? You have to
go out of town suddenly. So I was with the kids.
It went it went great. Uh Saturday, we I took
the kids for a walk and we went to smash
(03:48):
Burger for a little treat. If you recall, if you
were to listen to the first six months of this podcast,
it sounds like that's all we ever did was a
smasher kids smash burger, and they can spot it on
the way home from daycare in various places, and so
that's where they want to go. Anyway, we're there and
we're about to go home, we get a text from um,
(04:09):
the mother of one of their mutual friends from daycare.
Can I interrupt to say something quickly, which is, I
don't know if I've discussed this already, but I feel
so much pressure to have play dates on the weekends,
and I'm so tired, and I love these people, but
it's so exhausting to try to schedule stuff in on
(04:30):
the weekends, and I feel so guilty about not wanting
to do it. I think we've struck a nice balance. Yeah,
we're doing okay, We're we're not afraid to say no,
but I feel you I am afraid. I am afraid
to say no because I always say no. Um. But anyway,
(04:52):
so you got sort of have like a second set
of that was a second friends. Now you know, Brita's
been two friends. We now have two parent friends, which
means double the chance that somebody's gonna initiate a weekend thing.
That being said, Beth, we always end up going, and
(05:13):
we love all these people and we really enjoy but
but it's it's hard to actually motivate yourself to go anyway.
I'm out and about already, and I'm like, I guess
I go home. I have a whole day alone with
the kids. And she texts and she says, Hey, you
want to come over. Our son's waking up for a nap.
You want to come now? And I go, yeah, sure,
and I we've never been there. So it was two
(05:33):
blocks away, and it was this is great. I'm already out,
they're already dressed. I'll just go straight there. And we
get there and they have a full, beautiful house, a
beautiful house, and in the backyard. This is our first
friends who live nearby with a house. Um. I was
gonna call them real people, but they're real people. But
(05:56):
that's also insulting to the vast majority of people in
the planet who do not have a beautiful house. Um,
they're actually not regular. They're not They're irregular. If you
have a beautiful house, then a pool. They have a pool.
They have a pool. Suddenly we love them. Betthews are
best friends in the world. So I go over there
(06:19):
and their backyard is beautiful and they're gardening. They've got
a whole vegetable garden and they're like taking all the
pool deck stuff out for the season and Britain. Maven
loves the bulls, but we don't have bathing suits, so
we're not gonna go swimming. But she pulls up her
pant legs to her knee and I was like, all right,
you can sit on the edge of the pool. And
(06:41):
she's sitting there with her friend and there'll be real
cute and brands inside playing with toys, and I'm like,
oh yeah, when we take burn to other people's houses,
you can't tear them away from the toys. Right. So admittedly,
when you're not around, my tolerance for danger very high. Well,
my is for danger is always much higher than yours.
(07:02):
And it's not that I'm neglectful, but I'm doing the
math in the calculations in my head, and I'm always going,
what's the worst thing that could happen right now? And
I'm aware of it and and this, and if you
were there. I've learned to lower my tolerance because you
(07:24):
will be stressed for a day and a half if
something happened. So I'm I'm different when you're around, but
you weren't there. I'm one of those weird moms who
cares about the safety of my children. I just know
that I can let stresses go quickly and you and
you can't. And that's not good or bad, it's just true.
And so you weren't there, and I was relaxing and
(07:45):
we're we're getting ready to go. We don't have bathing suits,
who we are not going in the pool. But then
Maybe has like taken off her shirt and her pants
and they're playing in the hose and everything and it's
really fun. And then Maybe goes, I want to sit
on the step. It's really hot. So I'm like, all right,
you can sit on the first step of the pool.
And I'm sitting next to the pool and I'm like,
(08:07):
I'm if you're sitting on this in the water, I'm
gonna hold your arm like you cannot let go of
me because you don't have any flotation. And then she
starts going let go, and I'm like, I shouldn't have
let you sit in the step, And then Brian comes
running out and he goes pool and he tears off
all his clothes and then he gets and he sits
down on the first step with her, and I'm like, okay.
(08:28):
And then their friend comes and sits and he's a
little younger than maybe, but he knows how to swim
because he has a pool in his house but he
does swim lessons every week for for his whole life.
And his mom comes and he sits down, and we're
all sitting in the corner, like the steps are in
the corner of the pool, so it's very tight, and uh,
Mayvene suddenly like, let go of me, and she's trying
(08:50):
to go down the stairs into the pool and she's like,
let go of me. And our kids are fearless, even
you don't know how to swim. And then Brand's starts
going down the step, but he's holding onto the side,
and I said, like, brand, you can play on the steps,
but you have to hold the side. And he's within
arm reach of me, so I'm like and then she's like, oh,
(09:11):
is he okay? And I literally said, I'm not worried
about him. He's fine. And then Maven pulls her arm
away from me and like starts going down the step,
and so I have to like redouble my grip and
I grabbed her and I'm like, Maven, you can't go
down the step. And then suddenly I hear it and
(09:35):
I look over and Brand has stepped off the last
step and he can't touch the bottom and he is
under the surface of the water in full panic, doggy
paddling trying to get above the water. And I'm not panicked.
H I thought this through earlier, and I even thought, like,
(09:58):
what's in my pockets. I have to go in the pool.
My phone is waterproof. And I reach out to grab
Bryn and he is two inches outside of my reach.
And I'm not worried because it's it's been one second
since he's gone under. But I'm like, oh damn it,
And without thinking, I just pulled Maven's whole body like
(10:21):
out of the water by her one arm that I'm
holding and just throw Maven two their friend's mom and
I go straight into the pool, fully clothed, shoes, jeans,
and I pulled Brain up and he looks, he goes,
and then he looks at me and he goes, I
couldn't swim, daddy. He's the funniest and the worst, and
(10:46):
then standing there in the pool very embarrassed. After I
had said I'm not worried, You're like, yeah, it's cool.
My impulsive son knows his limits. I tell you, like,
I've done the calculation, and I had thought, the worst
thing that happens is I have to go into the pool,
and that happened, and that that's something you're comfortable with.
(11:08):
I was. It wasn't until the next day that I
had the image of him under the water, unable to
go to the surface for two three seconds that I
was suddenly traumatized and very like teary and sad. Yeah,
(11:28):
I mean that always happens to me when something intense happens.
It's a day later that I'm so glad I wasn't
there to see that. And I'm also slightly happy it
happened before our trip next week to Georgia where we're
going to be staying on a lake, because I was
talking never and I was like, you understand now, like why,
(11:49):
and he's already forgotten It was scared and he thinks
it's a cool story. He's a part of. Well, maybe
you should be careful about the way you're retelling it
with him. I get real serious with him. He just
atten mentioning his attention to him. You know, no news,
all news is good news. Yeah, he's uh. He He's
(12:12):
always been like this. I mean, I guess a lot
of kids don't have good boundaries with things like this,
but he's just I remember at a young age him
wandering into the ocean like this and just bobbing up
and down deeper and deeper, and I was like, you
can't do this, Like he just has no I'm a
very strong memory of being at the beach like Michigan
(12:35):
with my mom and I could swim, but it was
very wavy, so I was like going out and like
playing the waves, and then suddenly the ground was gone.
I was just like suddenly deep and I was underneath
and had that experience of I don't know if I
can get to the surface. And then suddenly my mom
was there because she was very much like me as
(12:57):
a parent when she's like, I can see you. If
something happens, I can take care of it. And it
felt like a lifetime of drowning and she saved me.
And I'm sure it was like three seconds, but that
has really stuck with me. Yeah, I hope that's the
last of our drowning scares. I think swim lessons is next. Okay,
(13:21):
so you want to know what happen tonight? Sure, Brin
and I got so cranky at each other. We we
turned weird. I've been so patient and I'm whenever there's
there's resistance, I've learned to get out of the way
of the wave and then ride the wave of his
(13:42):
attention back to what I want. And I don't put
up that like hard wall that just creates conflict. I've
been flexible and fluid as of late, and I've been
really proud of it. Tonight I was just a shitty
wall and brands like I've been doing with Mayven lately
because she's been difficult. I was. We were all so
(14:05):
petty tonight, but three of us She's like, I mean,
we've talked about this already, but she's been She does
that thing where she's like, you pour her milk and
she's like, I want big, and then you have to
pour it to like the tippy top before she's satisfied.
And she does the same thing with toothpaste where she
wants it big and you have to give her the
(14:26):
most enormous amount of toothpaste. So I was like losing
it with her last night because there was so much
tooth based on the toothbrush already. And I was like,
all right, never mind, we're not doing this. And then
I like dragged her out of the bathroom and was
trying to do bedtime and she's still like freaking out.
And finally she climbed out of bed and went into
the bathroom by herself, and I knew she was just
(14:48):
like probably putting a ton of toothpaste on, but I
was like, whatever, I'm not dealing with this. She never
lets anything go. She never forgets. She never forgets. That's
the stereotype. So because I'm one of four boys, I
tell you what, brothers, we always forget. And it's great.
(15:09):
We fight hard, we burn hot and bright, and then
we run on, I guess, and forget what we were
talking about and move on. And I've heard anecdotally and
stereotypically that sisters are not that way. Obviously not all sisters,
but some sisters. Yeah, I mean, you have sister. I
grew up with a sister and a gay brother, and
(15:29):
we never forget, never forget. We never forgot a single thing.
Never forgot a single goddamn thing. Never forget, never forgive. Um,
we never forgive. But it's because we forgot. Can I
tell two quick stories? So we're talked about podcast about
how Brand has a friend of daycare who um slightly
(15:51):
bullies him, tells him things that are not true, like
that Brand's not smart. Yeah, and so the one that
happened this week is that he told Bryan that kids
don't need to eat. Kids don't need food, only grown
ups need food. And I was telling Brennan's that's wrong,
(16:11):
and he's like, yeah, I don't listen to him. It's
like I thought that was the funniest lie. Well maybe
it's finally realized, Like maybe not everything this kid says
is true. Brian had a nice logic, talked himself into
a logic trap in the car, He's like I want um,
(16:34):
He's like I want this toy or whatever. I forget
what it was. And I was like, oh no, sorry,
oh no, I was. He wanted to take you got
him a game, a poop game. What's the game called.
It's called Whoop Pooped. It's like a matching memory game
with animals and poop. Right. Yeah, So one card has
the animal in one card has what that kind of
animals poop looks like? Because you're a cool mom, I'm
(16:56):
a really cool mom. Can I also quickly say I
bought that toy in Richmond where I was this weekend.
And I was in the store and I got as
in a toy store and I got recognized by one
of our podcast listeners. What and it really boosted my
spirits and in a very shitty week I was like, what,
(17:17):
I guess your pictures on the artwork. Yeah. This woman
was like, are you Beth? And I was like yeah,
She's like wow, it was. It was very exciting. Well
shout out to you. I also I was talking to
the guy who worked at the store, who was very nice,
and he's holding a like a like a little plastic
(17:38):
box in his hand and while he was talking to me,
he crushed it in his hand by accident, and I
was like, am I this intimidating? I don't know what.
He was like, oh, hey man, yeah I could help.
I'm so sorry. I just had this box of boo.
(18:00):
I was like, I get I don't know what's happening here,
but I feel gorgeous. Um, baby, you look gorgeous. Thank you.
You know what I did yesterday? What I did a
story part show and Terrytown, New York and big, very
beautiful old theater, the Terrytown Music Hall. I think it's
(18:22):
called um And I don't perform on stage that much
for story parts anymore. It's mostly the podcast. Because I'm older,
I got kids, you know. So I go out there
and I'm hosting, and there's three d kids that all
know me very well, Peter the character and story parts.
It's very exciting. The energy is there. And I go
out there and I do this opening bit where I'm like, hey,
(18:45):
we're the story parts. We do take stories written by
kids and we turned them into snacks. And then I
get it wrong and the kids are like, that's not
what you do, and I'm like, oh, right, right, right,
right right. We take stories where my kids we turn
them into And then the last thing I say is
into you a breakdancing show, give me a bait uh,
and then I do this giant improvised break quote unquote
(19:07):
breakdancing thing. The whole joke is that I'm terrible at breakdancing,
and all the other actors are like, Peter, stop stop,
and I start doing the worm, and the joke is
I can't do the worm, and that's in real life,
I can't do it. And I kept jumping up and
just slamming my whole body on the stage Elementary School,
because no, what the worm it was not is not
(19:29):
necessary to laugh at the physical comedy that I was
giving them. I was throwing my body onto the avoidably
charming physical comedy and I was throwing my body on
the stage in a like comedic painful way and it
was really funny and it killed. And then I was
like got up, and I was like, all right, now,
time to introduce the show. And I realized that I
(19:50):
was so out of breath that I couldn't introduce the
next part of the show. A new story for you
to injure or incapacitate yourself on stage for the sake
of laughter. I've injured myself, but I've never realized that
I don't have the lung capacity where I literally need
to just stop and make a joke that that I'm
(20:14):
embarrassingly out of breath. Everyone laughed, and then I had
to take three more deep breaths and realized that I
really do need to stop. And then I made a
joke about like there's even a gym in my building,
and everybody laughed and I was like, great that, Bobby.
A few more seconds. Suddenly sweat is pouring down my
head and I realized I had to moderate like a
three minute story and the next thing, and it was
(20:36):
a real moment of mortality. None of this is surprising
to me. Can we go back to the Hoop Pooped game?
Because this game is very funny and it also came
with a pamphlet that explains the types of poop that
different animals have at length and the consistency of the
poop based on what they're eating and the shape of
(20:57):
the poop, and Brin loves it. And if that leads
me back to my story. So this morning, brand Brin
was like putting things in his pocket to go to
daycare and he's like, I'm gonna put this in my backpack.
He was like, I need to show everyone at daycare
these poop descriptions the book, the Book of Poop, And
(21:20):
I was like, Brand, you can't take that. It's pott
of humor. And he goes and he got real upset,
and I'm like, I'm not gonna have this fight. I
need to get about the door. So I got him
out the door, we got in the car, and while
he was getting in the car, I took it out
of his backpack and uh, he was none the wiser,
And then I took it back home and I picked him.
So I picked him up today and as we were
(21:41):
driving away, I was like, how's your day at this
and he's like, yeah, but I lost my poop book.
It looks really sad. And I felt so bad because
I could picture him at school and being like like, hey, friends,
look look look I have a thing baack and you're it.
And I said, you know what, you didn't lose it.
He's like, I didn't because it's at home. He's like,
(22:03):
we forgot it. And then he suddenly realized. He's like,
why is it at home? And I was like, I
took it out of your bag and he goes, oh,
and he suddenly relieved. And then he saw in the
rear view mirror his eyes getting narrow as he looked
at me with such hatred, and his lip went up
and he goes, I'm not happy you did that. You're
(22:23):
not nice. I'm never gonna be happy ever again. And
then I said, oh, yeah, well, what if I you
had a bunch of ice cream and he goes, I
would be happy. I'd be happy then. But but then
he said, but if there's no ice cream, then I'll
never be happy again. I go, oh, yeah, Well, what
(22:44):
if mommy hugged you and said you were great? And
he goes, well, then I would be happy. But if
I lost the book and there was no ice cream
and Mommy didn't hug me and say I love me,
I will never be happy again. And I was like,
what if I gave you a high five, um a
hundred times? And he goes, you mean a high one
(23:04):
hundred and I go yeah, I think, goes, then I'd
be happy. I gave my high five and we were good. Um.
I like the poop pamphlet that accompanies the game Whoo
Pooped because it takes kids love of potty humor and
it segues that into science and it's describing a lot
(23:28):
of poop um and then you know it has like
it talks about wombat poop and how it's shaped like
cubes so that they can sort of build, uh, like
a container around their nest or that's the that's the
one thing I read in that and that's the craziest
thing I've ever It's truly insane. Wombats, poop, bricks and it.
(23:49):
It talks about, you know, the different smells of different
poop and some of them don't smell, some of them
do smell. Um, it's the fascinating good work, Mom. This
(24:13):
next segment is called would you Knows. It's where we
present parenting hypothetical situations to one another. Okay, so I
mentioned that I'm in a terrible mood. Yeah, but you
haven't been seeming that cranky. Thank you. I'm trying really hard,
but I'm feeling very pouty. I'm feeling very I'm just
(24:35):
feeling like I just want to be difficult. I got
a lot of work time today, but I didn't do it.
What are you leading to? What's the I thought of
a would you Know? And it's just like a really
dark and creepy because it reflects my mood mood. So
I'd like to apologize to everybody. It's darker than our
(24:57):
child falling into a pool. That's not dark. That was
that was dark? Yeah, it is all right. Ready, this
is a spooky one. Beth. You're asleep, You're in your bed.
I'm asleep next to you, and you suddenly feel an
uneasy feeling when you rustle and tussle mm hmm. And
(25:23):
then suddenly you open your eyes and you see standing
three ft from you, staring straight at you, not moving
at all, with a deadlock stare, eyes half open. Brent
and Maven is a deadlock stare cannot be eyes half open.
(25:46):
It sounds like two different kinds of stairs. Their eyes
are sort of half open, but they're locked right on you.
They're not moving. They're almost like statue, like a white
walker zombie kind of look yeah, just staring at you.
This scares the ship out of you. For a second.
You go hu and you sort of a little scream,
(26:08):
not enough to wake me up, but not much does,
and they don't flinch at all, and you're like Bryn, Maven,
and then you sort of get up and you reach
out to them, and then they sort of like they
sort of like wake up, but they're still sort of
half asleep, and you're like, I guess there's sleepwalking. And
you sort of move them and they started stumbling out
(26:28):
and they go back into bed and they crawled into
bed and you're like, that was the scariest ship that's
ever happened to me, and you go back to sleep. Wait,
they just walk out of the room. They're sort of sleepwalking.
You determine we're together and you're like that was insane,
and you're like, Peter, did you see that? And I
don't say anything because I'm still asleep. I'm really really
(26:50):
you tell these stories like how Bryan would tell these stories,
which is like and then um, they're walking. It's like,
I'm not done, shut up. So you go back to sleep.
Four hours later, there's a tingle down your spine. You
open your eyes. They're standing half a foot from your face,
(27:10):
eyes wide locked onto yours, and you scream, I don't
wake up. This during a too full ghost or it.
Of course you don't wake up because you slept through
my entire labor. Yeah, maybe you're gonna bring that up,
and that's why I'm studying that joke up for you.
And then you go britaon Maven and they just turned
(27:31):
around and they walked back to their beds, and you
go back to sleep and you wake up the morning.
Everything is normal. I was going to do a third
round where it's even scarier, but I'm gonna stop it,
right there, so it's a little more plausible. What do
you do? What do I do in the morning after
this is all over? I mean, first of all, the
(27:54):
them just going back to their beds. I don't think
I'd be like just frolling back over and going to sleep,
like I feel like I would investigate. All right, what
do you investigate? I'll tell you what you find. If
you have questions, be like, are you guys okay, do
you have a bad dream? What's going on? Is there
someone in our home? Why are you both up? They
(28:15):
act like they're sort of a sleep They're just like
they're like, okay, they're sleepwalking. I put them back in bed. Yeah. Um,
I don't really not understand what the question is here.
Would you knows what to do when your your children
sleepwalk together? Here's the thing. You go back into the
(28:38):
room and you see you're classifying this is sleepwalking, not
a supernatural event. Well, I don't know, you don't know
what it is, but it sort of acts like sleepwalking,
but they're doing it together like they're in a horror movie.
I guess, I guess I call the pediatrician. I don't know,
I don't I don't know what you're presenting to me.
(28:59):
You're not giving me a lot of answers. Give an
incredibly specific scenario. Oh did I mention when you go
to roll me over? You roll me over and I'm
a scarecrow? You did not mention that I'm not even there?
You're a scarecrow or you're not there, I'm a full
scarecrow or I'm not there? Is it me? Did I
turn into a scarecrow? Replace my body with a scarecrow?
(29:21):
This is exactly how our son would tell this story,
which is just meandering. Adding in detail gets my point
to the story. The night never ends. You stay up
for the for for infinity. You're trapped in a time loop.
What do you do? And then what do you do?
(29:42):
It's so tired. This is a real breakdown I'm having
on the podcast. Okay, what are you doing? Then the
scarecrow into me and I turned into a whiny mess
like this, and I'm like, help me? What do I do?
I'm like, this is why we don't eat so much
(30:06):
sugar before bed. It's not sugar? Is a pound of
Alfredo Alfredo sauce? Not? Is it? I bought alfred S
bought Alfredo sauce. Yeah, And I regretted it. I remember it.
I's been like five years since I had alfredo. S
(30:26):
it's we're not eating alfredo. Yeah, I forgot. When I
was ten years old, there was nothing as delicious as
fetachini alfredo. You know. Um. Julie Klausner, the comedian, has
talked about this, how like what people consider delicious really
(30:47):
depends on the year and what the fat diets are.
So like in the eighties, people thought eggs and cheese
were like the worst thing you could eat, so things
like alfredo were considered like the most delicious food and
people are like, oh, I wish I could have some Alfreda,
Like it's so funny. And we went to the Disney
(31:07):
World and when I was a kid, and it was
the Ebbcot Center where it's all the different countries, and
we went to Italy and they had fetacchini alfredo and
I had never had it before, and I ate it.
I was like, this is it. And for like several
years after that, for my birthday, all I wanted to
do was go to Olive Garden. But then I went
to Italy when I was thirteen, and uh, you kept
(31:31):
ordering alfreda. I tried to add order fet Alfredo to
learn that they don't know what that is. Yeah, they're like,
that's not real food. That's a chef party rest like
a white sauce. Yeah, you're like, it's cheese and cream
and just cheap. I bought something and I made dinner
with it tonight in his garbage. Well, now you know
(31:53):
how to cook, and you know that real food is
better than jars of weird cream sauce. The chicken ipe
what in it is really good? Anyway, that's what you
we ate before we went to bed that caused this
hallucination um or this time loop in which your kids
turn into demons and sleep sleepwalked. So what do you
learn from this so much? Um? I guess that our
(32:19):
kids should need Alfred. Oh that's true. That after we're
done recording, I just need a really big hug. Okay, okay,
and now it's time for we don't know. This is
(32:41):
where we discussed a perplexing parenting situation. That's okay, what
do you got? So? I think we talked a little
bit on the podcast about how, um it both difficult
and important is to discuss death with kids in an
age appropriate way. And I have at times sort of
(33:04):
very just occasionally and slowly mentioned to Brinn that my
brother is dead. He passed away years ago, before our
kids were alive. I haven't meanted to talk to you
about this because that's come up a little bit with
between me and them. Okay, so most times I bring
it up, Brin could not care less shrugs it off,
isn't listening or paying attention. And then yesterday I came
(33:28):
home and so we I came home from the airport
and we had a babysitter for an hour to sort
of uh cover when you were gone. So I don't
know if she was asking about this photo we have
on the wall of me as a kid with my brother,
but Bryn suddenly was like, who's that. That's your brother
(33:49):
and he was like he's dead and I was like yeah,
and then he was like, how do he die? He's
just suddenly so interested, Like I guess that I think
this is very developmentally appropriate for him as a four
year old almost five year old, But um, I suddenly
like instead of when I had I had tried to
thoughtfully introduce it before, I was suddenly caught off guard
(34:12):
and I was like, because you're explaining this in front
of the babysitter. No, no, no, she's gone, but he
was just suddenly interested in this photo and so and
then so the circumstances my brother's death obviously are a
little bit um difficult to discuss with a child, because
my brother died from oxyconton use, and I was sort
(34:35):
of like trying to figure out very quickly, like what
is the age appropriate way of explaining that, And I
was like, um, he it was an accident. He died
from an accident, and Brenda was like an accident, and
like clearly wanted more information. But then everything I came
up with my head was not an appropriate way of
explaining it, or at least like in my mind, I
was sort of like, hmmm, I mean, maybe there's a
(34:57):
lesson in this. Maybe I could say, um, he took
too much medicine, or he took medicine and appropriately, but
I just I did. I stopped myself because I was like,
I'm going to give brand some kind of weird phobia
about medicine. So I just didn't say I didn't get
into it, which I think was the right move. I
went through this, I've been through this exact thought process
(35:17):
where I'm like he's gonna he's not going to interpret.
There's too much context missing to say simply. And I
was like, oh, medicine. Now he's gonna all he knows
is liquid taile at all? Right, I was like, he's
going to assume I'm talking about liquid thilet all the
only medicine he knows. Um, yeah, but I UM, I
(35:39):
mean in general, as I'm like, yeah, I I think
being straightforward and honest to those things is really healthy. Yeah.
I think it's important to be as honest as you
can in a way that's appropriate for that age. But
I did. Um. It's interesting because this came up in
(35:59):
my group today. Someone else was posting about kids asking
about death, and someone recommended this book, which I am
scrolling to see if I can find. While she's While
she's looking, I'm gonna paint the picture of where we
record to the audience. As you may know, we have
a blanket for it, of blankets on our walls for
sound installation, and bathlegs to turn off all the lights.
(36:22):
And there's just one candle flickering, and we're really low
to the ground and we have these giant vocal reflectors
in front of our faces, so we can't see each other.
But whenever Beth turns on her phone to look at something,
suddenly the whole ceiling lights up. Okay, so the book
someone recommended is called Lifetimes, which I think is a
(36:44):
maybe out of print book. Sorry I burped, man, I'm yucky.
Brent asked me ten times today, how do you burp?
He's so into asking questions which there's no answer. He
doesn't really here. He's been trying to do a fake
burp sound where he's like uh, and it's not believable. Um,
(37:08):
so we've got to work on that. Anyway. I hope
this book is good as recommended by more than one person,
but so I think, um, we'll we'll report back. Yeah,
it's like it looks like a pretty cheesy eighties children's
book and it's out of print. You're really selling it.
I think it's out of print. I don't people recommended it,
(37:29):
so I'm going to give it a try. We will,
um see what kind of in inappropriate conversations it inspires
with our children were very appropriate or very appropriate. But
you do know he's gonna just like repeat. That's fine.
But I think that's part of why a lot of
parents resist having heavy conversations with their kids about like
(37:51):
sex or death or things, because you know the kids
that are just gonna go tell their friends. Yeah, but
the cover of the book is very like nature e
and I kind of a kind of getting the sense
that it's like going to be talking about like leaves
falling from the trees and stuff like that. So I
think I think it is going to sort of tell
it in a way that kids can conceptualize because there's
(38:12):
leaves of the cover. Yeah, Okay, that's fair, that's valid. Uh,
I'm a good mom. I did research. I'm not I'm
not judging. That's great. What are you teaching our kids
about death? Um? It's Ninja turtle based. Um, this is
(38:36):
a non sequitur. So we're going to Atlanta this weekend.
We've been talking about this a bunch. We're gonna go
hang out with Chuck Bryant. You might have heard of
him from movie Crush stuff. You should know. Yeah, you
mentioned this last week. I know. I want to know.
We're gonna we have like four days ah ah with him?
(38:58):
Is anything you want to know? Should we find out something?
What should we? What should we should? Should we? You
lure him away and I'll go through his basement. I'm
sure Chrek is going to listen to this podcast tomorrow
and really love that you're asking our listeners this question. Yeah,
I mostly asked. I mostly do this for personal information.
Do you want about the very private host of stuff
(39:20):
you should know, Chuck bryant Um? Because I will secretly
find it out and he'll forget that he listened to this.
This is not a well thought out bit. No, you
love to ask our listeners for the most random questions
and information. Listeners, right in and explain to us what
(39:40):
it feels like to do push ups. That's what I
want to know. That's the most random thing I could
think of. Was that funny? She turned on her phone.
The whole ceiling is bright white. She's looking at her phone.
I was looking at more interesting things. Oh boy, are
we done with this section? Yep? This next segment is
(40:07):
called Listeners Want to Knows. It's where we take questions
and comments from you guys. Okay, you guys, here are
your emails. I'm going to read a couple for you. Oh,
here we go, Here we go, Yeah, here we go.
Hi Beth and Peter. It says Peter and Beth I've
(40:30):
done this multiple times where it says Beth and Peter,
you can just get to the question. I don't know
how many times I have to explain this to you.
You don't like it in neither to the listeners. I
love your podcast. Sometimes you make me laugh out loud
a load in my car, and that is the best
I've heard you talk a bunch of times about this
cookbook that has drastically improved your dinner time lives, and
(40:54):
I'd love to get in on that. Did you tell
me the name slash author? I've never managed to catch
that info. We're listening a bunch of chin Several people
have reached out with this question, so I'm answering it
on the air. The book is from America's Test Kitchen
and it's called the Best Simple Recipes. Yeah. I do
(41:15):
think there's more than one book by this title, because
I think America's Test Kitchen has released a couple, but
I'm sure they're all pretty good. You're telling me that
they have released multiple cookbooks with the same title. Yeah,
because some because someone in my mom group recommended it
to me, and I googled it and then saw there's
(41:38):
more than one, and then I went back to the
post where she recommended it, and I looked at the
cover carefully and said, I want to get that one.
All right, Well, there's a report back. Which one do
you find? Audience report? But that's the best You could
go grab the one and describe the picture of food
on the cover. The cover has a sort of britted,
(42:00):
crispy looking chicken with small sort of cherry tomatoes on top.
I would describe him. Yeah, anyway, we love it. Um,
it's real simple. It's just what we need for simple
little brains. And I didn't use it tonight. I just
put some fucking Alfredo sauce on top. I'm sorry, I'm
(42:21):
swearing so much. Well that what I love about the cookbook,
and we've discussed this in the past, is that the
recipes are so simple that you can kind of retain
the information and use it as a reference for improvised
recipes in the future. Everything else I did with the
meal was was good and I ruined it which cheese. Yeah,
(42:42):
now you know the joy of cooking. Hi, Peter and Beth,
last podcast I listened to, you were talking about about
your defiant children. I have to agree. What's this terrible twos?
BS three is the bleep and worst. She bleeped out
her own unfortunately meant, oh my gosh, this episode is Unfortunately.
(43:08):
I have no advice but a failure story. My son
is three and a half and defiant as all get out. Um,
if you'll recall resistance being this is the same person
who wrote in about resistance being every morning. Um, when
we go to get him dressed, it started with him
(43:30):
not wanting to wear anything but sweatpants and decided he
decided he hated jeans, but now it's progressed to hating
sweatpants too, and will only wear black leggings. He calls
them yogurt pants because mom wears yoga pants. Now, whatever
he acts out, we would threaten him with jeans and
(43:51):
he would immediately behave but he's wised up. This morning.
I pulled out the old do it or you're getting
jeans and he lied, I love jeans. I don't know
what to do. You just do what works. Good luck.
Elena from Lake Elmo, Minnesota. I know Lake Elmo. I
(44:13):
like hearing updates on this Resistance Being kid because he
is very funny. He's doing it his way. He's very stubborn.
Um much like our children. Oh yeah, you think you
figure out a thing. Threats and bribes only work for
(44:38):
a short amount of time and then they turn into
something worse. It's not a sustainable it's not a sustainable system.
But they're so tempting to use because they are effective
for a moment or two. And it's it's like overusing antibiotics.
Use too many antibiotics, and then the germs get smart
(45:00):
and they get tougher. Uh, you use too many threats
and bribes, the kids get smart and then they work
around it, and then it stops working, and then you
need bigger threats and bigger bribes. So what you're saying
is don't vaccinate your kids. Yes, And I'm just like,
I don't believe all the data. Um um. She just
(45:28):
turned on her phone again and the whole room lights up.
Are you just checking your email over there? What's going on?
I was going through my notes? Um well, it feels
like an active judgment on this awesome parenting tip I'm giving. No,
it felt like you had a lot of important information
to give our listeners, and while you're doing it, as
going back to my note, I'm cranky and I'm hot
(45:51):
and I'm tired and I can't hide it. And I
love all of your listeners, and and thank you for
letting me wine at you. I'll be better our next week. Actually,
we gotta figure out what we're doing next week because
we're gonna be out of town next week. Oh boy,
oh boy, oh boy. Bet any last thoughts for our
lovely listeners before we say good night? Can I tell
(46:14):
one quick story? Please take this. Brent uh was trying
to change the toilet paper roll yesterday, which is nice,
and he took off the old one and I was like,
going to grab it too. I was like, you gotta
put this in recycling, and he goes, no, Daddy just
puts it on the floor. I thought that was very funny.
(46:39):
That is a gross misrepresentation of me. You're like, no,
I leave it in the bathroom on the back of
the toilet. I picked up everything every night, don't you dare? Bryan.
I started getting my new thing on him. My new
project is cleaning up because boy, that kid just no regard.
(47:00):
But we haven't tried anyway. I'm upset. I'm upset that
he did that misrepresented you. Daddy throws it on the ground,
you you son of a little boy, like, don't worry.
You can just put on the ground. That's what daddy does. Hey,
I can swim. I don't need floaties. Daddy puts it
on the ground. Liar, you're a liar. This has been
(47:26):
another episode of We Knows Parenting. I'm Peter McNerney. That's
Beth noell Uh. Please if you want to send us
an email, ask you a question, Sonda, would you know
hypothetical parenting situation? You can email us that we knows
pot at gmail dot com yeah, or you can leave
us a voicemail at three four seven three eight four
seven three nine six. You can find us on Instagram, Facebook,
(47:49):
Twitter at we knows pod and please rate reviews, subscribe
on iTunes. I love you all so much. Thank you
for supporting me in this love. I'm a humidity fine
We Knows Parenting News
Hosts And Creators
Beth Newell
Peter McNerney
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