February 26, 2019 • 45 mins
The family returns from a much needed, long-weekend, mid-winter, indoor pool vacation during which Maeven decides that she knows how to read and Bryn throws a beach tantrum. Peter shares an article about how a nation’s level of income inequality effects parenting styles. Then, while unpacking a Would You Knows scenario, in which Maeven can talk to dead people, Peter and Beth try their best to remain civil while discussing their VERY different belief systems surrounding spirituality, and in this goal, they do… okay.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
I got to oh, hello, and welcome to We Knows Parenting.
I'm Peter McNerney and I'm Beth Newell. Oh gosh, hello, hello.
What is this noise? This is how I talked? This
is normal? What wait? Oh, this is not my husband
(00:28):
is a puppet version of my husband? Let me just
get this out of here. I'm putting this into the closet.
Oh best, Sorry, I'm late for the podcast. What did
I miss? It was weird at first. It was like
you were doing a really hokey character voice bit that
made no sense in the context of this podcast. That
doesn't sound like me at all. Yeah, thank god, it
wasn't you. It was a puppet version of you. That's
(00:51):
someone Well wait wait, so it was a puppet. So
it was you then with a puppet of me, and
you gave that weird voice to at me. I started
recording early and I tried something out and it didn't work,
and I want to apologize to the fans. And you
didn't even You were so convincing that you forgot it
was you doing both voices. Yeah, you're right, I didn't
(01:14):
think it through. Suddenly, in the midst of it, it
felt so real and I kind of lost myself in
the character in the moment. I gotta be honest, I'm
worried about you. That's insane anyway. But I think, honestly,
my version of your voice was so believably a man's
voice that I do want to get credit for that. Well,
(01:34):
I wasn't. I wasn't here, so you can give yourself credit,
and I support that choice. But I think if I
am able to work on it a little bit, I
can get it much closer from there. You want to
make it the podcast just voices now, because I'd be
into that anyway. Guys, thanks for coming. Welcome to Weeno's Parenting.
Sorry we tried something. It didn't work too well, but
(01:55):
we are here to talk about We didn't try anything
that was all Beth. Okay, you're right, but we're parents,
were married, we have we've got kids. Burning mayven there,
two and four. That's podcast. That's what this podcast is about.
So we um. We had a week. Most notably we
went out of town. Oh boy did we have a vacation.
(02:16):
Oh boy, did we have a vacation. We sure did
another pool party vacation, pool party vacation, And yeah, it
was good. It was good. Let's just say the one disappointment,
the glaring hole in the weekend is that that pool
never got hot enough. Yeah, that was a big one. Also,
(02:37):
a smaller one is that you left for an audition
with uh with another parent. You both got an audition
for the same commercial, um, which abandoned you for four hours.
So yeah, so we had a few extra hours of
solo parenting, which was like not a very calming kickoff
(02:59):
to a vacations because vacations with kids, Let's be honest
all the parents out there, No vacation with kids is
not a vacation. It's just like you're in a new
location watching kids. Well, I will say that vacation. Every
time we take a vacation, it's more like a vacation
than the last one, because, yeah, but if your spouse
(03:21):
had left you for a day on this vacation, you
would be like, man, that was not quite at the vacation.
I pictured sure, but hopefully I just think back to
the the last time, and I'll be like, well, at
least they're probably not going to murder themselves on stairs
like they would any other vacation we've been on, and
we were with other friends, they were just going to
murder themselves in an indoor swimming pool that they could
(03:41):
very easily get to that wasn't locked. That's true. We
did have to make sure they didn't drown. Yeah, So
that's like, you know, pretty seven parenting focus. We were
there with um are some of our best friends, um
Nick and Julia Nick who's been on the podcast, and
there they have a one year old who's who Brandon
(04:03):
Maven now adore And it's a great I love hanging
out with them because it's just a great reminder of like,
oh gosh, we're past this. It's really nice to see
our kids hang out with another kid that they recognize
that no because they have so few friends. Uh they have,
(04:23):
they have, they have friends, But I mean like it's
getting to the point where, you know, for a while,
Maven was just sort of coexisting with other kids and
sort of like ignoring them or being or being jealous
of them in some way. And now she has gotten
to wh where she's actually interacting. So now it's like
we have two kids who are like making friends and
(04:45):
remembering people, socializing, learning some empathy and jealousy. They played
well together. Um, I gotta say it was it was
really fun. Um could I don't know you're going to
mention the other people who went on the trip with
because I feel like they're going to feel left out.
Now Joe and Kelly don't care, Okay, but we love them.
(05:08):
But they were there and they organized the trip Kelly did.
Thanks Joe and Kelly. Thanks guys, um oh boy, your
favorite vacation buddies. It was a really nice, easy trip
because it was two hours away. It was like perfect
distance with a good distance. Also is a good distance
if you do have to drive back for an audition,
(05:30):
it's not the whole day. Yeah, it was. That is
really just the right amount of driving, I think for
having two kids, because our kids kind of like either
slept or relaxed, and then we're never really bored in
the car or if you're Nick and Julius one year old,
you throw up from car sickness. Poor thing. There's there's Yeah,
(05:54):
that's the other thing about this trip. I'm not gonna
name names, but there was some illness going on to
and it was Nick. Nick got the flu. Nick got
the flu. It was I will say it wasn't a
bad vacation, but there was a lot of factors that
just made it a slightly more exhausting vacation. I think overall,
for people like we're it was definitely one of the
vacation vacations where you're like, we're all parents, were all
(06:17):
a little tired. Yeah, we're all going to try to
catch up on some sleep this weekend. Oh yeah that
I three nights in a row, I fell asleep in
a circle of friends. I was like, all right, the
kids are asleep. I'm ready to hang out with it.
I'm falling asleep on this couch and I felt a
hundred years old. But I tell you what, I loved it.
(06:39):
My eyes open. It was like catching up. So can
I tell you what Maven did tonight? Um? I cooked
a uh, a real dinner tonight and was simple one.
And I was really excited to putting it all together.
We got you bought this great like simple Dinners cookbook
that I've really been enjoyed, and uh, I put a
(07:03):
pan in the oven and I was like, oh, time
to get it out and pull it out. And then
I immediately grabbed the handle of a fifty degree pan
and I burnt my fingers and I yelped like a
little baby. And Maven was in the room and she
was scared and then concerned, and then she turned into
straight up mommy and then she goes, you hurt your finger.
(07:27):
You need to make better. And so I put like
a cold water towel on it, and she goes, I
help you. And she grabbed my finger and then she
just held it and she goes, does it feel better?
And I was like, not yet, and she goes, I'll
hold it. And then she made me stand there with
her for probably two full minutes. And then she tried
shaking my finger and that hurt. And I said, oh,
(07:48):
when she goes, I make it bad, I won't shake.
She's at that age where kids just get really fascinated
with injury and then they're like they like point at
your zips and they're like, does that hurt? You know,
Like they just they want to point out every little
thing wrong with anyone's body. My kids, you have to
explain how it feels. They like to point it my
(08:09):
moles and say, yeah, this is hurt. Like, no, it's
a mole um. So I just put them to bed.
And Britain has been you know, quote unquote reading some
real reading, but a lot of books. He just has memorized,
which I think is actually a very good way to
learn to read, where because he'll go word by word
(08:31):
and I and he'll sort of have it memorized, but
not quite so I'll have to go into each word.
And maybe has gotten jealous of this, so she decided
she wanted to read the book and we had to
take turns doing pages, and good god, she knew a
lot of the words she's clearly not reading. She's really
funny doing stuff like that lately, where she just wants
(08:53):
to call it out and she kind of knows she's wrong,
and she just like says things and she's like because
in like in the Animal book and she's like mud puppy,
or she'll just like say a made up name. Yeah,
I don't know she's wearing my puppy is a real one.
She also, she's still been doing a lot of things
where she'll she'll just make up a word and she'll
(09:15):
be like, no, it's an oculator, and you're like what,
She's like, it's oculator, that's oculator, that's bryn. Where he
says something wrong, you're like, it's actually this and he's like,
m I'm gonna double down on the first thing I said,
because that makes me seem smart and confident. Her words
are like the most nonsense like she just pulls them
(09:37):
out of thin there and she'll be like, I want
to cry on, cry on. She's like, no crying on, crayon,
no crying crying, And then she knows she's not saying anything,
and she'll just correct me no matter how I repeat her.
She's been doing this thing lately. I don't if I
(10:00):
mentioned this yet, but she just whispers things to us
in the most like sweet creepy way, just constantly. Every
answer she tells us, she's like, no, I want the
peanut butter. No. But she she did this when we
were on vacation this weekend. She walked into her friend's
bedroom and she found their daughter's doll. It was like
(10:22):
a ballerina doll or something. And I walked in and
found her holding it, and she goes, I need this.
She just like whispered it really why, Like she was
just like, don't try to take this from me. I
know what you're thinking. I need this. So much of
my day is just walking in on my kids as
(10:42):
they're about to do something bad and they look at
me and they're like I'm just gonna do this. Okay,
I'm just gonna do this thing I know I'm not
supposed to do and you've told me. Can we just
move on? Well again, for those of you didn't listen
to episode one of this podcast, that's the title of
this podcast. As we Knows, that's in when he was
really little. You're like doing something bad, right, and what
(11:04):
are you doing? He just go, we knows, and let's say, like,
just don't worry about it, We're going to do it.
Do I misremember the meaning of this? Every time I
explain it, I would say why are you doing that, Britain?
Or like why are you you know, wiping food on
the wall, And he'd be just be like, we knows.
We know he was right because like we knew he
(11:24):
was just doing it because he felt like it. We knows,
you're not going to do anything about this, mommy. Um
oh gosh, that was a vacation. That was the big thing.
That was it. That was a big thing. And what else?
Daycare called to yell at us about something that we
may or may not have done. Then they called to
(11:47):
say that somebody somebody came to pick up brit from
the bus stop. Who was not on the list of
pre approofed people in preschool. What did I say? You said?
Daycare called You're right all of us from the record
that they weren't calling me yell at us. They were
just like, hey, um, nothing's wrong. We just wanted to ask,
(12:08):
like they're they're basically asking if they should send home
a form for us to add additional names of who
can pick Brin up because someone had picked him up
from the bus stop, who works for daycare that they
didn't have in their system. And yet they let Brin
go with this stranger who wasn't on the list, And
yet they're called us like a day later, like a
(12:29):
quick question, yesterday, we gave your son to a strange woman, Um,
could you put her on the list? Whomever she is? Well?
I think this is like an ongoing pattern. I think
in our lives where someone sort of like fox up
and then they they calmly tell us about it, but
in our confusion, we think we're in trouble, and so
(12:50):
we're like, oh um, We're like, oh, we're sorry, should
we pay you? More? Like we're like, what do you
what do you need? Um? Well, then I texted daycare
today because I thought this happened today, and apparently happened yesterday.
So I texted the main woman at daycare and I
was like, hey, um, can you give me the names
of the new people that work Their pre K called
(13:10):
to say this somebody today and she goes, I picked
them up today. What what are they talking about? And
I'm mad? And I was like, oh no, no, it's fine.
I understand. I mean, sometimes the reactions are a little
too alarmed, but I understand why they're on the defensive
because I'm sure the time from having had jobs like that,
I just know like that there's like the fear of
(13:32):
that person who's going to be like over the top,
you know, whoever complains the loudest guess what they want?
And I resent that. Hey, did you guys see our
new artwork? Did you see, Beth that all of our
new artwork is up on the internet. I didn't see that.
Oh yeah, we look so beautiful and overwhelmed and also
(13:54):
lighthearted and fun. You mean, like a perfect portrayal of
our spirit and joy. It's exactly right. Have you seen
our pictures? You guys? Do you like it? If you
haven't seen it, which sounds impossible because it's probably in
front of you right there. You clicked on it, going
to iTunes and rate review and subscribe while you're thinking
(14:17):
about looking at it early plug for rate review in
the podcast this week. I'm just going to put it
out there and say it because I'm tired of dancing around.
I would like you to rate review and sub to
direct to direct while we're at it. We're doing a
live show in April. I am not I just want
to say I don't think it's too much to ask.
(14:38):
If you're getting weekly free content, if you're tuning in
for a free podcast, don't badger the listener. We're just
happy out of your day. If you're enjoying this. As
we say, the complainers get a lot. Oh, don't encourage
the complainers. They're going to rate. Yeah, if we're going
to defeat the complainers, guys, you got to go out
(15:00):
and be positive forces in the world and tell people
what you like. The other thing is that we're going
to plug, because it's a long way off. We we're
gonna start plugging is we're doing a live show in Brooklyn,
New York, on Tuesday, April. Chuck Bryant from Stuff You
Should Know and movie Crush is going to be there.
It's at Little Field, So you can go to their
website to check out tickets and Happy Crush Field. Oh,
(15:21):
Fia Eisenberg, it's gonna be great. We're gonna talk about
a ton as the weeks get closer, but there's a
quick early pitch. Oh yeah, maybe. And now it's time
for did you know this is where we share some
stuff we learned about parenting on the internet. Yeah. So
(15:44):
today we're talking about an article, um from the Washington Post.
It's called the parent Trap, and it says the greater
country's income inequality, the likelier parents are to push their
kids to work hard. Um. So that sounds like fairly intuitive.
I think if you're if you're have limited resources in
a country, or people are strangling to make z need,
(16:05):
they're going to push their kids to work harder to Yeah,
here's some tidbits from this article I'm gonna read to.
So we found in our research that varying parenting styles
among nations are rooted primarily in economics, specifically economic inequality.
The common denominator in countries where intense achievement oriented parenting
abounds is a large gap between the rich and the poor. Conversely,
(16:30):
where inequality is low and governments provide safety nets, a
more relaxed, permissive parenting style hold sway that suggests that
to reduce the epidemic of hyper competitive and over involved
parenting in the United States, simply x uh exhorting people
to be more laid back won't work. The only solution
(16:51):
is to attack the problem at the route by combating inequality. Yeah.
I think that is all just really relevant information to
the state of our country right now, where I think
people are just being run ragged because so so much
money is held in the hands of so few wealthy people. Um,
(17:14):
and we don't when you look to other countries, you
see we don't have to live like this where everyone
is just frantically trying to achieve as much as possible,
you know, every second. Um. I thought there's a really
interesting part in the article where um it says uh,
(17:34):
Sweden and Germany offer popular forest kindergartens where children stay
outdoors and nearly all weather playing and exploring with minimal
adult guidance. This was after they talked about uh, you know,
kids in other countries being able to walk down the
street at an early age and not being you know,
helicopter parented all the time, which I what I like
is the article makes that point about how you can't
(17:56):
just criticize to people for being helicopter parents. You have
to erase all of the anxieties that our society forces
into people on a regular like an ongoing basis all day. Yeah,
you really can't just be like just relax But I
think the forest kindergartens sounds so amazingly reaction like relaxing
and so age appropriate, such a natural way to introduce
(18:18):
kids to the world around them, like that they go
to kindergarten like in the forest all year round outside
even when it's snowing. Uh. And these are like nice
things we could have where we could all have nice lives.
Have your child go to school in the snow? How
nice does it? Like? You could have your kids be
(18:39):
like surrounded by nice people in an environment where he's
learning about the world around like and not have him
be like tested constantly. I mean it's reading this article,
there's some things that are like, yeah, that would be
you know, because in they say in Switzerland and this town,
these kids all walk to school by themselves in kindergar
(19:00):
I did that. I grew up walking to school by
myself from as early as I can remember, and we
walked home for lunch. But you didn't have a forest kindergarten.
I did cut through the Peterson's backyard and they basically
had a forest. And now you're blowing my mind. Uh,
But I do think different different schools do kind of
do stuff like this to varying degrees. And people do
(19:22):
have childhoods where they get outside. It's just that it's
becoming rarer and rarer in our society, like because there
is this trend towards, you know, fighting over limited resources.
I thought it was really interesting. In this article they
talked about sort of parents picked the from a list
of of values what they figure the most important ones,
(19:44):
and the more income inequality in a country, the far
more likely parents would pick hard work as a value,
like in China, where incoming inequality is bigger than the
United States, like parents picked hard work as one of
the most of guys, whereas in Sweden almost nobody picks
hard work. Yeah, but if you have a scarcity of
(20:08):
mentality or mindset, like if you're in those circumstances, that
is sort of your rational response almost to the world
around you. If that's how if that's how you grew up,
you're conditioned to be like focused on that, and so
it makes perfect sense that people are thinking that way.
It's just that sometimes that ends up being counterintuitive because
(20:29):
if you like are constantly telling kids to pursue the
most pragmatic thing, then that's not necessarily the thing that
makes them happy or the thing that they're good at,
or the thing they'll succeed at. And then you're creating
kids with, you know, like mental health issues because they're
constantly trying to do things that aren't right for them.
You know. It's just like, yeah, because I hear the
(20:50):
sort of the less income inequality countries where the parents
who are like why would I choose work hard? And
part of my brain is like you lazy parents, That's like, oh,
work hard is not an option, Like what are you
gonna do? Loaf around all day? And I'm like, oh,
I'm I conditioned to value hard work. I mean, there's
(21:15):
obviously there's a good side on a bad side of
the good side of that is like, well, your life
shouldn't be about hard work. Your life should be about
enjoying the people around you and doing enough but it's
not you know, it's hard work to achieve. What is it?
Hard work for hard work sake? Because that's where things
start to get a little insane, where exactly what you're
(21:38):
talking about, which is am I missing my life in
the name of yah? You know? I mean I think
in an ideal world, like we all hope for our
kids to be slightly better off than we were, right,
and then I only want them slightly better at least slightly.
I just think like that's evolution, Like that's the natural path, earn.
(22:00):
But then if we create, we create certain systems in
society that holds us back from doing that because it's
like we have technology, we have resources, but our society sticks.
It's like feeding the mud on certain issues and just
like refuses to evolve to a better way. It's just, well,
there's something really interesting. I don't want to I don't
(22:22):
want this to get political, but but I was some
I'm nervous to generalize this, but there is this sense
and issues the more so like, um, you know, we
live in a very liberal bubble, admittedly in New York City,
and so this was more about the sort of the
(22:44):
lower income conservative mindset and from a liberal point of
view that like, well, why wouldn't why wouldn't you just
the lower income minds? No, No, but this is this
article is right. No specifically this where it's like, why
would you support policies that work against your interests? Like,
(23:04):
you know, government support will help these lower like income rural,
usually conservative people, why would they vote for people that
that wouldn't create those policies? And there was something to
this mindset of like, well, we all have to we
all worked hard, and like we have a tough life,
and we work hard to get what we want, and
(23:26):
like that's a value that becomes part of your identity,
which is it shouldn't be easy. We're working hard and
we deserve what we have, and that's sort of like
quote unquote free ride is against our moral compass. But
the scarcity mindset like keeps people of all income levels
locked into this idea that there's a limited amount of
(23:47):
things for all of us, and so it's that we
all need to hoard as much as we can of
all these things. And the truth is that we could
collectively choose to manifest more resources on uncertain things. You know.
It's just this this like inability to maybe like help
out one another. Is what holds us all back as
(24:09):
a whole, because like, what what we do is we
when we have this income inequality, Like it's not just that,
you know, there are poorer people and richer people, but
then the richer people don't want to live near the
poor people where there's more crime because people have to
commit crime to sustain a living and like survive, and
(24:30):
then it just it has a ripple effect on all
of us if we don't resolve it, you know what
I mean. Ah, well, I think we solved I think
we solved all the problems with that deep analysis of
income inequality. We should be better. Well, I think what
I'm you know, you know, I'm not going to pretend
(24:51):
to have the knowledge or education to to dig deeper
into like solving the larger deals of our country. But
I do think what is most interesting about this is
self reflection of like, oh, yeah, what what are my values?
Because I realized that, like the idea of hard work
(25:13):
is a value that I haven't thought about really directly,
but it is something I subscribe to as something when
I see myself as I do a lot of work,
and I work hard, and I'm proud of that um,
and it's not something that I ever thought of as
a result of my environment, you know, mm hm yeah.
(25:43):
This next segment is called what You Knows. This is
where we take some parenting hypotheticals from our listeners. But
you're gonna love this, I hope. So are you ready
for this? The subject line is creepy hypothetical comes from Nikki,
Hi Peter and Beth and H Peter if I was
(26:06):
just doing in a New Zealand accent, Hi Peter and Beeth, No,
I just don't know how to read Hi Peter and Beth.
I'm Nikki. First, just want to say I love your podcast.
I'm a new first time I'm and of an adorable
eight month old boy. Too young for me to be
able to relate to most of your topics right now,
but I'm excited for when he's a little older. Sure
(26:27):
sounds like an adventure any who. I have a fun
and creepy hypothetical for us bonus points if you ever
throw an extra S on anything an emails. What if
one evening you can hear Mayven chattering slash seemingly carrying
on a conversation in her sleep, in her in their
(26:48):
room when you thought they were asleep, but you didn't
hear Brent, so you quietly peek into the bedroom to
see her standing up on her bed, carrying on a
conversation with someone who is not there, just into the air.
When asking her who she's talking to, she tells you
that it's either dead relatives name here, uh, or not either.
(27:13):
She says that it's dead relative's name here. Obviously very skeptical. Well,
there's where you're wrong, Nikki. If it's me, I'm obviously
very skeptical. If it's best I think you're already on board. Uh,
obviously very skeptical, but a little uh, a little freaked out.
You ask her more questions and she relays infos that
there's no way she could go without having talked to
(27:34):
that relative. It's a relative that she never got a
chance to meet. Next morning, you asked brand if you've
ever seen someone in the room and before he very
nonchalantly says, yeah, just relative name. He She thinks likes
to tell me funny things and stories. What would youse do?
Both kids can perfectly describe the relatives, and when you
(27:56):
show them photos, they confirm it's them and just a
thought of another hype. Oh and that's a that's a
different one. Okay, go ahead. It's so funny that this
person thought this was like creepy hypothetical for me, because
this entire situation is so plausible and out my alley
and something I would be so calm and excited about.
(28:19):
Justify a lot of things for you, justify. Wow. Okay,
I'm sorry that was dismantal, and I didn't mean it
to be. It would affirm continue from my reality. So
I don't think I've gotten super into it on the podcast,
but people who know me well know that I truly
(28:41):
believe in psychic mediums, and I think that people do
see and hear things all the time. Are you like
sighing over there? What is this weird noise you're making?
Am I allowed to talk on the podcast? I didn't
say anything, go ahead, Okay? What do you are you sip?
(29:01):
I just got a big cocktail and I'm sipping it. Okay,
Can I talk? Go ahead? Okay? Anyway, Um, So I
fully believe in this scenario. I have a medium I've
seen in New York City who I love. Her name's
Gemma Dollar. I don't trust all psychic mediums, but she
(29:24):
has relayed thanks to me that I believe beyond a
doubt our messages from my dead brother. And anyway, that's
my point, and I do believe that kids tend to
have these abilities more often than adults. Um. I'm also
a very avid listener of the Psychic Teachers podcast. For
those of you out there who are into this turn
(29:45):
into the whole series of psychic I'm sorry, I just
I have to sort of contextualize my beliefs. I guess,
and I just I have listened and read and experienced
many things over the years, but I that this is
my conclusion on the world. So if my child were
to say things that were like true to things my
(30:06):
brother would say, or do you, I would find that
completely plausible because I do believe that some people have
these abilities. We've talked about this in the podcast before
and and I don't uh it's as respectfully as I'm able,
which sometimes I'm not able because I'm a selfish human. Uh,
(30:30):
do not subscribe to any of this, um. But so
I think this hypothetical is more appropriately corrected than me. Right. Yeah, Okay,
so listen, and we've been over this, which is like
I have learned to in my relationship to you, come
(30:50):
to understand that this matters to you and it is
helpful to you, and and me trying to like discredit
it or well because it is like is missing the point.
It truly feels truthful to my life that this is
like a core part of my belief system and how
(31:11):
I interact with the world on a daily basis, and
it's a big part of what brings me joy through
my day. Is like it's the it is maybe the
thing that keeps me going. So in the past, when
I brought this up to you and you've constantly shut
it down and sort of dismissed it, it feels pretty
much like you we're not letting me live aside of
(31:35):
myself that was very like core and necessary to my being.
And it's the same thing as like being a creative
and needing to do that. Like if I was like
holding you back from your your creative thing that like
fulfills you, then that's like not something you would want
to be around. You'd be like, I'm not going to
(31:55):
be with someone you know. So it's it feels that's
why I get upset, And it's not that I think
we can't disagree but I do think when people are going, like,
if you're going to like constantly dismiss someone's reality to them,
that like that person is probably not going to want
to be around you a lot. Circling back to the
(32:16):
would you know scenario, I think the question is what
would I do? I think if if I witness this,
because to this listen to this listener's point, you would
embrace this. This I think would make you wish I
wish you would witness this. I wish you would have
(32:37):
this kind of experience because if you are willing to
go there in any way and you're willing to have
like just if you're willing to even entertain the thought
that it's possible, I do believe that you will get
more signs. And I know, like people, I'm sure there's
(32:58):
a million ways you can frame this as me being crazy,
But I do think that there is more to this
world than just us sitting here like as lumps of flesh. Well,
I'm I think there's more meaning, and I choose to
believe there is. That's fine, and I completely respect your
(33:22):
view of the world. I have that hasn't always been
easy for me, but I think I've found a place
where I understand that that's how you're able to be
happy in function and that makes sense to you, and
that's fine. Uh, I am. I am weirdly content and
happy with the idea that none of it matters. Uh,
(33:45):
But I don't really believe that's your like operation, like
I love I am. I'm marvel at the machine that
is man and the you know, the it. Our brains
are these endless association machines, and we we are constantly
(34:05):
looking for connections and patterns between things because that's how
we function, and that's like part of teaching and doing
improv is. I love this tool that you can use,
the just like association machine to create these worlds and imaginations,
and I love them and I revel in them in storytelling.
But all all I'm trying to get at is that
(34:26):
I think, like what you're describing as your obsession with
like understanding man and the science behind man. Like I'm
just saying, oftentimes the spiritual explanation for things is like
a step ahead of the game in terms of like
identifying things that exist in the world, in terms of
like ways that we're able to communicate with each other
(34:47):
without using language, and the information that we're constantly gathering
about our surroundings like we I think we are perceiving
and getting more than our current scientific understanding would tell you. Well,
I think there is I mean, whatever you want to
(35:07):
call it. I'm I I've tried to live in that
place and it doesn't Okay, So go tell us about
the horror story that would come around if our daughter
told you this. I mean, boy, I like, it's hard
(35:27):
thing for me, Like, let's say this actually really happened.
My knowledge of it because I'm slightly obsessed with this
concept of psychics and mediums, Like I would I would
validate my kids experience. I would sort of try to
teach them ways to cope with that ability. I imagine
(35:48):
if they continue to tell you these things, you would
get them like psychological help. Well, don't accuse me of
something I know. I'm just I'm just trying to follow
your train of logic. I'm really just asking you, okay. Well,
without the actual specifics, I'm like, what is it that
they have told me that I would conclude there's literally
(36:08):
no way they could know this without having spoken to
a dead person. Details are so it's really a funnier
level of skepticism because in every other hypothetical we have
where our kids like transform into like a giant walking baby,
like a thirty football you are completely on board with
the construct. But because here's the thing, here's the thing,
(36:29):
this is absolutely the thing. Because I love to engage
in like the hypothetical, the fanciful, the fantasy of it.
But the second that I know that that we're treating
it as if this is true, I hate it and
I can't have fun with it because I'm I'm and
I think it is a defensive thing where I'm like, well,
(36:51):
if your thing is true, well then I must be wrong.
And now I'm defensive. I'm admittedly very emotional right now,
and I'm trying not to speak emotionally and uh and
I'd rather unpack what that feeling is than than try
to have a Well, that's what I think is so
interesting about it is that you do get very emotional
about it. And you do too, though I admittedly have
(37:14):
skin in the game. You are the one that claims
that you choose to believe that you just don't know.
But then yet when we debate this, you very passionately
do have skin in the game. I am very skeptical
of people who have such who like yourself, claim to
have really strong answers to these big questions. I don't
claim to have strong answers like all the big questions.
(37:36):
I just more than I do. It feels like, yeah,
because I like to give my life meaning. I that's
the that's where the core of this is, right, I
mean right, we want we need to give ourselves meaning,
and weirdly, weirdly I I do it through this sort
of you are very happy with giving your life meaning
that you get from certain sources, and you're uncomfortable and
(38:00):
this is really something I truly believe about. Like all
this astrology psychic stuff gets really like laughed at is
again because it's like more strongly associated with women and
feminine things. And so everyone just sorry, go ahead, that's
that's exactly what I'm talking about. You just interrupt me
(38:22):
to just say, uh, like that's that's exactly the attitude.
That's just like okay, ladies. Like it's just I can't argue,
like there's no argument I have against that argument, and
that's why I want to like I'm like throw my
hands up to be like, well, I literally can't say
anything against that Uh, as this often happens with this conversation.
(39:01):
It's very emotional, and I feel very defensive. Uh. And
then I keep forgetting what the last moment was, and
then I feel I want to lash out, and I'm
just trying to avoid all all of that UM, and
I want to resk. I want to respect what you
love and you believe, but I also feel very attacked
(39:24):
about what I believe, and you're dismissing I'm not I've
completely understand why you believe what you believe. What I'm
saying is that your approach to what I believe is
incredibly dismissing. Well, you're the one that's saying that I
believe what I believe because of the patriarchy and because
I'm brainwashed by Western society. Well, you just admitted an
earlier segment that you understand now how you have core
(39:48):
beliefs that are a function of the society you live in. Sure,
but my point is you're dismissing my beliefs. By saying that,
I mean dismissing, I'm dismissing your inability to knowledge my beliefs.
I'm not like, I'm not mad that you believe in science.
I completely believe in science. I don't question certain studies
(40:12):
in certain information, but the idea of science I'm not against, Okay,
but you can understand how I might get defensive. It
feels like you're trying to say science doesn't know stuff,
therefore you don't know stuff. Therefore I know you don't know.
I know you're not saying that, but that's how I feel.
But again, this is like your defensiveness. It's just I'm
that's not like my point, Like it's like, I uh,
(40:45):
I think so shockingly if you're listening to this argument
or this debate for the first time, this is going
better than it has in the past. Uh. And there's
this level of acceptance I think we both have about
each other that that is evolving. And when you talk
(41:06):
about this stuff, when you talk about discoveries you have
made in this world, I have to actively shut off
the part of me that's like, well, here's why that's
all bullshit and actually look to the content of your
self examination and like the things that matter to you.
And that's what I focus on because that's what matters
to you, and that's how I can support you. Well,
(41:28):
that's the thing is when I'm talking about this stuff.
A lot of it is just me self analyzing how
I can like go through my day in a more
productive way and interact with people more productive. Like this
whole like belief system I have is like about me
growing and like learning as a person. It's not like
I'm not trying to hurt other people are like force
(41:48):
them to believe this. I don't. I don't care, but
I like, I don't know, I don't like That's the
thing I'm saying, like again to harden back to the
earlier segment of like have these I we vilify certain
things in this country, Like you know, socialism is currently
under a lot of attack right now, and it's like
(42:10):
if you look at the core beliefs of what the
people who believe in that are trying to accomplish, it's
like they really are just trying to give people like
better health care and schools, and like you can criticize
parts of it. I think there's I think it's perfectly
rational to like have take issue with aspects of what
people are proposing and how they plan to do it.
(42:30):
But if you just throw a whole belief system under
the bus, because you're just like socialism is for losers,
Like this is bad, like like whatever you're general no,
but like there is just this idea that socialism again
it's given this like effeminate like quality of being, Like
(42:50):
it's really like considered weak and you know what I mean,
Like it's some only things in this country that like
if you're trying to do a good thing, they find
a way of characterizing you as like a crazy outsider,
you know what I mean. Well, just because we're running
out of time and this is like a whole other
hour topic, I'm gonna go back to this hypothetical. What
(43:14):
would I do. I would go to Beth and I
would apologize for um years of judgment on her belief system,
and I would say, we don't know everything, and then
I would get you know what would be really annoying
Beth is that I get really into it. And then
I would start doing all this research about psychics and mediums,
(43:35):
and then I would start man explaining to you things
I've learned about it in the recent time, and then
I'd be really upset that you're upset that I'm explaining
it to you, um, and then very real I don't admittedly,
I don't think this will ever happen. But if it does,
this is what's ahead because I'm me and I can't
(43:57):
change that. Yeah, I mean the good news for you
is that the patriarchy has also woven into a new
age spirituality culture, so you can surely find people there
to parent their doctrine me, Mr patriarchy, Oh boy, and
(44:21):
this has been we Knows Parenting. Find us online we
knows Parenting dot com, where you can write in too.
I am sure people are going to have opinions. Please
sell the stories of your kids. Saying creepy things is
my favorite kind of story. And you know what, don't you?
(44:42):
If you want to write in and defend capitalism or socialism,
you can do that. We're probably not going to get
into it, um, but feel free. Okay, So I find
we Knows podcasts on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook at we Knows
pod or write in it we Know spotted Gmail dot um.
Oh my god, and have a good day, please fem
I got to oh, hello, and welcome to We Knows Parenting.
I'm Peter McNerney and I'm Beth Newell. Oh gosh, hello, hello.
What is this noise? This is how I talked? This
is normal? What wait? Oh, this is not my husband
(00:28):
is a puppet version of my husband? Let me just
get this out of here. I'm putting this into the closet.
Oh best, Sorry, I'm late for the podcast. What did
I miss? It was weird at first. It was like
you were doing a really hokey character voice bit that
made no sense in the context of this podcast. That
doesn't sound like me at all. Yeah, thank god, it
wasn't you. It was a puppet version of you. That's
(00:51):
someone Well wait wait, so it was a puppet. So
it was you then with a puppet of me, and
you gave that weird voice to at me. I started
recording early and I tried something out and it didn't work,
and I want to apologize to the fans. And you
didn't even You were so convincing that you forgot it
was you doing both voices. Yeah, you're right, I didn't
(01:14):
think it through. Suddenly, in the midst of it, it
felt so real and I kind of lost myself in
the character in the moment. I gotta be honest, I'm
worried about you. That's insane anyway. But I think, honestly,
my version of your voice was so believably a man's
voice that I do want to get credit for that. Well,
(01:34):
I wasn't. I wasn't here, so you can give yourself credit,
and I support that choice. But I think if I
am able to work on it a little bit, I
can get it much closer from there. You want to
make it the podcast just voices now, because I'd be
into that anyway. Guys, thanks for coming. Welcome to Weeno's Parenting.
Sorry we tried something. It didn't work too well, but
(01:55):
we are here to talk about We didn't try anything
that was all Beth. Okay, you're right, but we're parents,
were married, we have we've got kids. Burning mayven there,
two and four. That's podcast. That's what this podcast is about.
So we um. We had a week. Most notably we
went out of town. Oh boy did we have a vacation.
(02:16):
Oh boy, did we have a vacation. We sure did
another pool party vacation, pool party vacation, And yeah, it
was good. It was good. Let's just say the one disappointment,
the glaring hole in the weekend is that that pool
never got hot enough. Yeah, that was a big one. Also,
(02:37):
a smaller one is that you left for an audition
with uh with another parent. You both got an audition
for the same commercial, um, which abandoned you for four hours.
So yeah, so we had a few extra hours of
solo parenting, which was like not a very calming kickoff
(02:59):
to a vacations because vacations with kids, Let's be honest
all the parents out there, No vacation with kids is
not a vacation. It's just like you're in a new
location watching kids. Well, I will say that vacation. Every
time we take a vacation, it's more like a vacation
than the last one, because, yeah, but if your spouse
(03:21):
had left you for a day on this vacation, you
would be like, man, that was not quite at the vacation.
I pictured sure, but hopefully I just think back to
the the last time, and I'll be like, well, at
least they're probably not going to murder themselves on stairs
like they would any other vacation we've been on, and
we were with other friends, they were just going to
murder themselves in an indoor swimming pool that they could
(03:41):
very easily get to that wasn't locked. That's true. We
did have to make sure they didn't drown. Yeah, So
that's like, you know, pretty seven parenting focus. We were
there with um are some of our best friends, um
Nick and Julia Nick who's been on the podcast, and
there they have a one year old who's who Brandon
(04:03):
Maven now adore And it's a great I love hanging
out with them because it's just a great reminder of like,
oh gosh, we're past this. It's really nice to see
our kids hang out with another kid that they recognize
that no because they have so few friends. Uh they have,
(04:23):
they have, they have friends, But I mean like it's
getting to the point where, you know, for a while,
Maven was just sort of coexisting with other kids and
sort of like ignoring them or being or being jealous
of them in some way. And now she has gotten
to wh where she's actually interacting. So now it's like
we have two kids who are like making friends and
(04:45):
remembering people, socializing, learning some empathy and jealousy. They played
well together. Um, I gotta say it was it was
really fun. Um could I don't know you're going to
mention the other people who went on the trip with
because I feel like they're going to feel left out.
Now Joe and Kelly don't care, Okay, but we love them.
(05:08):
But they were there and they organized the trip Kelly did.
Thanks Joe and Kelly. Thanks guys, um oh boy, your
favorite vacation buddies. It was a really nice, easy trip
because it was two hours away. It was like perfect
distance with a good distance. Also is a good distance
if you do have to drive back for an audition,
(05:30):
it's not the whole day. Yeah, it was. That is
really just the right amount of driving, I think for
having two kids, because our kids kind of like either
slept or relaxed, and then we're never really bored in
the car or if you're Nick and Julius one year old,
you throw up from car sickness. Poor thing. There's there's Yeah,
(05:54):
that's the other thing about this trip. I'm not gonna
name names, but there was some illness going on to
and it was Nick. Nick got the flu. Nick got
the flu. It was I will say it wasn't a
bad vacation, but there was a lot of factors that
just made it a slightly more exhausting vacation. I think overall,
for people like we're it was definitely one of the
vacation vacations where you're like, we're all parents, were all
(06:17):
a little tired. Yeah, we're all going to try to
catch up on some sleep this weekend. Oh yeah that
I three nights in a row, I fell asleep in
a circle of friends. I was like, all right, the
kids are asleep. I'm ready to hang out with it.
I'm falling asleep on this couch and I felt a
hundred years old. But I tell you what, I loved it.
(06:39):
My eyes open. It was like catching up. So can
I tell you what Maven did tonight? Um? I cooked
a uh, a real dinner tonight and was simple one.
And I was really excited to putting it all together.
We got you bought this great like simple Dinners cookbook
that I've really been enjoyed, and uh, I put a
(07:03):
pan in the oven and I was like, oh, time
to get it out and pull it out. And then
I immediately grabbed the handle of a fifty degree pan
and I burnt my fingers and I yelped like a
little baby. And Maven was in the room and she
was scared and then concerned, and then she turned into
straight up mommy and then she goes, you hurt your finger.
(07:27):
You need to make better. And so I put like
a cold water towel on it, and she goes, I
help you. And she grabbed my finger and then she
just held it and she goes, does it feel better?
And I was like, not yet, and she goes, I'll
hold it. And then she made me stand there with
her for probably two full minutes. And then she tried
shaking my finger and that hurt. And I said, oh,
(07:48):
when she goes, I make it bad, I won't shake.
She's at that age where kids just get really fascinated
with injury and then they're like they like point at
your zips and they're like, does that hurt? You know,
Like they just they want to point out every little
thing wrong with anyone's body. My kids, you have to
explain how it feels. They like to point it my
(08:09):
moles and say, yeah, this is hurt. Like, no, it's
a mole um. So I just put them to bed.
And Britain has been you know, quote unquote reading some
real reading, but a lot of books. He just has memorized,
which I think is actually a very good way to
learn to read, where because he'll go word by word
(08:31):
and I and he'll sort of have it memorized, but
not quite so I'll have to go into each word.
And maybe has gotten jealous of this, so she decided
she wanted to read the book and we had to
take turns doing pages, and good god, she knew a
lot of the words she's clearly not reading. She's really
funny doing stuff like that lately, where she just wants
(08:53):
to call it out and she kind of knows she's wrong,
and she just like says things and she's like because
in like in the Animal book and she's like mud puppy,
or she'll just like say a made up name. Yeah,
I don't know she's wearing my puppy is a real one.
She also, she's still been doing a lot of things
where she'll she'll just make up a word and she'll
(09:15):
be like, no, it's an oculator, and you're like what,
She's like, it's oculator, that's oculator, that's bryn. Where he
says something wrong, you're like, it's actually this and he's like,
m I'm gonna double down on the first thing I said,
because that makes me seem smart and confident. Her words
are like the most nonsense like she just pulls them
(09:37):
out of thin there and she'll be like, I want
to cry on, cry on. She's like, no crying on, crayon,
no crying crying, And then she knows she's not saying anything,
and she'll just correct me no matter how I repeat her.
She's been doing this thing lately. I don't if I
(10:00):
mentioned this yet, but she just whispers things to us
in the most like sweet creepy way, just constantly. Every
answer she tells us, she's like, no, I want the
peanut butter. No. But she she did this when we
were on vacation this weekend. She walked into her friend's
bedroom and she found their daughter's doll. It was like
(10:22):
a ballerina doll or something. And I walked in and
found her holding it, and she goes, I need this.
She just like whispered it really why, Like she was
just like, don't try to take this from me. I
know what you're thinking. I need this. So much of
my day is just walking in on my kids as
(10:42):
they're about to do something bad and they look at
me and they're like I'm just gonna do this. Okay,
I'm just gonna do this thing I know I'm not
supposed to do and you've told me. Can we just
move on? Well again, for those of you didn't listen
to episode one of this podcast, that's the title of
this podcast. As we Knows, that's in when he was
really little. You're like doing something bad, right, and what
(11:04):
are you doing? He just go, we knows, and let's say, like,
just don't worry about it, We're going to do it.
Do I misremember the meaning of this? Every time I
explain it, I would say why are you doing that, Britain?
Or like why are you you know, wiping food on
the wall, And he'd be just be like, we knows.
We know he was right because like we knew he
(11:24):
was just doing it because he felt like it. We knows,
you're not going to do anything about this, mommy. Um
oh gosh, that was a vacation. That was the big thing.
That was it. That was a big thing. And what else?
Daycare called to yell at us about something that we
may or may not have done. Then they called to
(11:47):
say that somebody somebody came to pick up brit from
the bus stop. Who was not on the list of
pre approofed people in preschool. What did I say? You said?
Daycare called You're right all of us from the record
that they weren't calling me yell at us. They were
just like, hey, um, nothing's wrong. We just wanted to ask,
(12:08):
like they're they're basically asking if they should send home
a form for us to add additional names of who
can pick Brin up because someone had picked him up
from the bus stop, who works for daycare that they
didn't have in their system. And yet they let Brin
go with this stranger who wasn't on the list, And
yet they're called us like a day later, like a
(12:29):
quick question, yesterday, we gave your son to a strange woman, Um,
could you put her on the list? Whomever she is? Well?
I think this is like an ongoing pattern. I think
in our lives where someone sort of like fox up
and then they they calmly tell us about it, but
in our confusion, we think we're in trouble, and so
(12:50):
we're like, oh um, We're like, oh, we're sorry, should
we pay you? More? Like we're like, what do you
what do you need? Um? Well, then I texted daycare
today because I thought this happened today, and apparently happened yesterday.
So I texted the main woman at daycare and I
was like, hey, um, can you give me the names
of the new people that work Their pre K called
(13:10):
to say this somebody today and she goes, I picked
them up today. What what are they talking about? And
I'm mad? And I was like, oh no, no, it's fine.
I understand. I mean, sometimes the reactions are a little
too alarmed, but I understand why they're on the defensive
because I'm sure the time from having had jobs like that,
I just know like that there's like the fear of
(13:32):
that person who's going to be like over the top,
you know, whoever complains the loudest guess what they want?
And I resent that. Hey, did you guys see our
new artwork? Did you see, Beth that all of our
new artwork is up on the internet. I didn't see that.
Oh yeah, we look so beautiful and overwhelmed and also
(13:54):
lighthearted and fun. You mean, like a perfect portrayal of
our spirit and joy. It's exactly right. Have you seen
our pictures? You guys? Do you like it? If you
haven't seen it, which sounds impossible because it's probably in
front of you right there. You clicked on it, going
to iTunes and rate review and subscribe while you're thinking
(14:17):
about looking at it early plug for rate review in
the podcast this week. I'm just going to put it
out there and say it because I'm tired of dancing around.
I would like you to rate review and sub to
direct to direct while we're at it. We're doing a
live show in April. I am not I just want
to say I don't think it's too much to ask.
(14:38):
If you're getting weekly free content, if you're tuning in
for a free podcast, don't badger the listener. We're just
happy out of your day. If you're enjoying this. As
we say, the complainers get a lot. Oh, don't encourage
the complainers. They're going to rate. Yeah, if we're going
to defeat the complainers, guys, you got to go out
(15:00):
and be positive forces in the world and tell people
what you like. The other thing is that we're going
to plug, because it's a long way off. We we're
gonna start plugging is we're doing a live show in Brooklyn,
New York, on Tuesday, April. Chuck Bryant from Stuff You
Should Know and movie Crush is going to be there.
It's at Little Field, So you can go to their
website to check out tickets and Happy Crush Field. Oh,
(15:21):
Fia Eisenberg, it's gonna be great. We're gonna talk about
a ton as the weeks get closer, but there's a
quick early pitch. Oh yeah, maybe. And now it's time
for did you know this is where we share some
stuff we learned about parenting on the internet. Yeah. So
(15:44):
today we're talking about an article, um from the Washington Post.
It's called the parent Trap, and it says the greater
country's income inequality, the likelier parents are to push their
kids to work hard. Um. So that sounds like fairly intuitive.
I think if you're if you're have limited resources in
a country, or people are strangling to make z need,
(16:05):
they're going to push their kids to work harder to Yeah,
here's some tidbits from this article I'm gonna read to.
So we found in our research that varying parenting styles
among nations are rooted primarily in economics, specifically economic inequality.
The common denominator in countries where intense achievement oriented parenting
abounds is a large gap between the rich and the poor. Conversely,
(16:30):
where inequality is low and governments provide safety nets, a
more relaxed, permissive parenting style hold sway that suggests that
to reduce the epidemic of hyper competitive and over involved
parenting in the United States, simply x uh exhorting people
to be more laid back won't work. The only solution
(16:51):
is to attack the problem at the route by combating inequality. Yeah.
I think that is all just really relevant information to
the state of our country right now, where I think
people are just being run ragged because so so much
money is held in the hands of so few wealthy people. Um,
(17:14):
and we don't when you look to other countries, you
see we don't have to live like this where everyone
is just frantically trying to achieve as much as possible,
you know, every second. Um. I thought there's a really
interesting part in the article where um it says uh,
(17:34):
Sweden and Germany offer popular forest kindergartens where children stay
outdoors and nearly all weather playing and exploring with minimal
adult guidance. This was after they talked about uh, you know,
kids in other countries being able to walk down the
street at an early age and not being you know,
helicopter parented all the time, which I what I like
is the article makes that point about how you can't
(17:56):
just criticize to people for being helicopter parents. You have
to erase all of the anxieties that our society forces
into people on a regular like an ongoing basis all day. Yeah,
you really can't just be like just relax But I
think the forest kindergartens sounds so amazingly reaction like relaxing
and so age appropriate, such a natural way to introduce
(18:18):
kids to the world around them, like that they go
to kindergarten like in the forest all year round outside
even when it's snowing. Uh. And these are like nice
things we could have where we could all have nice lives.
Have your child go to school in the snow? How
nice does it? Like? You could have your kids be
(18:39):
like surrounded by nice people in an environment where he's
learning about the world around like and not have him
be like tested constantly. I mean it's reading this article,
there's some things that are like, yeah, that would be
you know, because in they say in Switzerland and this town,
these kids all walk to school by themselves in kindergar
(19:00):
I did that. I grew up walking to school by
myself from as early as I can remember, and we
walked home for lunch. But you didn't have a forest kindergarten.
I did cut through the Peterson's backyard and they basically
had a forest. And now you're blowing my mind. Uh,
But I do think different different schools do kind of
do stuff like this to varying degrees. And people do
(19:22):
have childhoods where they get outside. It's just that it's
becoming rarer and rarer in our society, like because there
is this trend towards, you know, fighting over limited resources.
I thought it was really interesting. In this article they
talked about sort of parents picked the from a list
of of values what they figure the most important ones,
(19:44):
and the more income inequality in a country, the far
more likely parents would pick hard work as a value,
like in China, where incoming inequality is bigger than the
United States, like parents picked hard work as one of
the most of guys, whereas in Sweden almost nobody picks
hard work. Yeah, but if you have a scarcity of
(20:08):
mentality or mindset, like if you're in those circumstances, that
is sort of your rational response almost to the world
around you. If that's how if that's how you grew up,
you're conditioned to be like focused on that, and so
it makes perfect sense that people are thinking that way.
It's just that sometimes that ends up being counterintuitive because
(20:29):
if you like are constantly telling kids to pursue the
most pragmatic thing, then that's not necessarily the thing that
makes them happy or the thing that they're good at,
or the thing they'll succeed at. And then you're creating
kids with, you know, like mental health issues because they're
constantly trying to do things that aren't right for them.
You know. It's just like, yeah, because I hear the
(20:50):
sort of the less income inequality countries where the parents
who are like why would I choose work hard? And
part of my brain is like you lazy parents, That's like, oh,
work hard is not an option, Like what are you
gonna do? Loaf around all day? And I'm like, oh,
I'm I conditioned to value hard work. I mean, there's
(21:15):
obviously there's a good side on a bad side of
the good side of that is like, well, your life
shouldn't be about hard work. Your life should be about
enjoying the people around you and doing enough but it's
not you know, it's hard work to achieve. What is it?
Hard work for hard work sake? Because that's where things
start to get a little insane, where exactly what you're
(21:38):
talking about, which is am I missing my life in
the name of yah? You know? I mean I think
in an ideal world, like we all hope for our
kids to be slightly better off than we were, right,
and then I only want them slightly better at least slightly.
I just think like that's evolution, Like that's the natural path, earn.
(22:00):
But then if we create, we create certain systems in
society that holds us back from doing that because it's
like we have technology, we have resources, but our society sticks.
It's like feeding the mud on certain issues and just
like refuses to evolve to a better way. It's just, well,
there's something really interesting. I don't want to I don't
(22:22):
want this to get political, but but I was some
I'm nervous to generalize this, but there is this sense
and issues the more so like, um, you know, we
live in a very liberal bubble, admittedly in New York City,
and so this was more about the sort of the
(22:44):
lower income conservative mindset and from a liberal point of
view that like, well, why wouldn't why wouldn't you just
the lower income minds? No, No, but this is this
article is right. No specifically this where it's like, why
would you support policies that work against your interests? Like,
(23:04):
you know, government support will help these lower like income rural,
usually conservative people, why would they vote for people that
that wouldn't create those policies? And there was something to
this mindset of like, well, we all have to we
all worked hard, and like we have a tough life,
and we work hard to get what we want, and
(23:26):
like that's a value that becomes part of your identity,
which is it shouldn't be easy. We're working hard and
we deserve what we have, and that's sort of like
quote unquote free ride is against our moral compass. But
the scarcity mindset like keeps people of all income levels
locked into this idea that there's a limited amount of
(23:47):
things for all of us, and so it's that we
all need to hoard as much as we can of
all these things. And the truth is that we could
collectively choose to manifest more resources on uncertain things. You know.
It's just this this like inability to maybe like help
out one another. Is what holds us all back as
(24:09):
a whole, because like, what what we do is we
when we have this income inequality, Like it's not just that,
you know, there are poorer people and richer people, but
then the richer people don't want to live near the
poor people where there's more crime because people have to
commit crime to sustain a living and like survive, and
(24:30):
then it just it has a ripple effect on all
of us if we don't resolve it, you know what
I mean. Ah, well, I think we solved I think
we solved all the problems with that deep analysis of
income inequality. We should be better. Well, I think what
I'm you know, you know, I'm not going to pretend
(24:51):
to have the knowledge or education to to dig deeper
into like solving the larger deals of our country. But
I do think what is most interesting about this is
self reflection of like, oh, yeah, what what are my values?
Because I realized that, like the idea of hard work
(25:13):
is a value that I haven't thought about really directly,
but it is something I subscribe to as something when
I see myself as I do a lot of work,
and I work hard, and I'm proud of that um,
and it's not something that I ever thought of as
a result of my environment, you know, mm hm yeah.
(25:43):
This next segment is called what You Knows. This is
where we take some parenting hypotheticals from our listeners. But
you're gonna love this, I hope. So are you ready
for this? The subject line is creepy hypothetical comes from Nikki,
Hi Peter and Beth and H Peter if I was
(26:06):
just doing in a New Zealand accent, Hi Peter and Beeth, No,
I just don't know how to read Hi Peter and Beth.
I'm Nikki. First, just want to say I love your podcast.
I'm a new first time I'm and of an adorable
eight month old boy. Too young for me to be
able to relate to most of your topics right now,
but I'm excited for when he's a little older. Sure
(26:27):
sounds like an adventure any who. I have a fun
and creepy hypothetical for us bonus points if you ever
throw an extra S on anything an emails. What if
one evening you can hear Mayven chattering slash seemingly carrying
on a conversation in her sleep, in her in their
(26:48):
room when you thought they were asleep, but you didn't
hear Brent, so you quietly peek into the bedroom to
see her standing up on her bed, carrying on a
conversation with someone who is not there, just into the air.
When asking her who she's talking to, she tells you
that it's either dead relatives name here, uh, or not either.
(27:13):
She says that it's dead relative's name here. Obviously very skeptical. Well,
there's where you're wrong, Nikki. If it's me, I'm obviously
very skeptical. If it's best I think you're already on board. Uh,
obviously very skeptical, but a little uh, a little freaked out.
You ask her more questions and she relays infos that
there's no way she could go without having talked to
(27:34):
that relative. It's a relative that she never got a
chance to meet. Next morning, you asked brand if you've
ever seen someone in the room and before he very
nonchalantly says, yeah, just relative name. He She thinks likes
to tell me funny things and stories. What would youse do?
Both kids can perfectly describe the relatives, and when you
(27:56):
show them photos, they confirm it's them and just a
thought of another hype. Oh and that's a that's a
different one. Okay, go ahead. It's so funny that this
person thought this was like creepy hypothetical for me, because
this entire situation is so plausible and out my alley
and something I would be so calm and excited about.
(28:19):
Justify a lot of things for you, justify. Wow. Okay,
I'm sorry that was dismantal, and I didn't mean it
to be. It would affirm continue from my reality. So
I don't think I've gotten super into it on the podcast,
but people who know me well know that I truly
(28:41):
believe in psychic mediums, and I think that people do
see and hear things all the time. Are you like
sighing over there? What is this weird noise you're making?
Am I allowed to talk on the podcast? I didn't
say anything, go ahead, Okay? What do you are you sip?
(29:01):
I just got a big cocktail and I'm sipping it. Okay,
Can I talk? Go ahead? Okay? Anyway, Um, So I
fully believe in this scenario. I have a medium I've
seen in New York City who I love. Her name's
Gemma Dollar. I don't trust all psychic mediums, but she
(29:24):
has relayed thanks to me that I believe beyond a
doubt our messages from my dead brother. And anyway, that's
my point, and I do believe that kids tend to
have these abilities more often than adults. Um. I'm also
a very avid listener of the Psychic Teachers podcast. For
those of you out there who are into this turn
(29:45):
into the whole series of psychic I'm sorry, I just
I have to sort of contextualize my beliefs. I guess,
and I just I have listened and read and experienced
many things over the years, but I that this is
my conclusion on the world. So if my child were
to say things that were like true to things my
(30:06):
brother would say, or do you, I would find that
completely plausible because I do believe that some people have
these abilities. We've talked about this in the podcast before
and and I don't uh it's as respectfully as I'm able,
which sometimes I'm not able because I'm a selfish human. Uh,
(30:30):
do not subscribe to any of this, um. But so
I think this hypothetical is more appropriately corrected than me. Right. Yeah, Okay,
so listen, and we've been over this, which is like
I have learned to in my relationship to you, come
(30:50):
to understand that this matters to you and it is
helpful to you, and and me trying to like discredit
it or well because it is like is missing the point.
It truly feels truthful to my life that this is
like a core part of my belief system and how
(31:11):
I interact with the world on a daily basis, and
it's a big part of what brings me joy through
my day. Is like it's the it is maybe the
thing that keeps me going. So in the past, when
I brought this up to you and you've constantly shut
it down and sort of dismissed it, it feels pretty
much like you we're not letting me live aside of
(31:35):
myself that was very like core and necessary to my being.
And it's the same thing as like being a creative
and needing to do that. Like if I was like
holding you back from your your creative thing that like
fulfills you, then that's like not something you would want
to be around. You'd be like, I'm not going to
(31:55):
be with someone you know. So it's it feels that's
why I get upset, And it's not that I think
we can't disagree but I do think when people are going, like,
if you're going to like constantly dismiss someone's reality to them,
that like that person is probably not going to want
to be around you a lot. Circling back to the
(32:16):
would you know scenario, I think the question is what
would I do? I think if if I witness this,
because to this listen to this listener's point, you would
embrace this. This I think would make you wish I
wish you would witness this. I wish you would have
(32:37):
this kind of experience because if you are willing to
go there in any way and you're willing to have
like just if you're willing to even entertain the thought
that it's possible, I do believe that you will get
more signs. And I know, like people, I'm sure there's
(32:58):
a million ways you can frame this as me being crazy,
But I do think that there is more to this
world than just us sitting here like as lumps of flesh. Well,
I'm I think there's more meaning, and I choose to
believe there is. That's fine, and I completely respect your
(33:22):
view of the world. I have that hasn't always been
easy for me, but I think I've found a place
where I understand that that's how you're able to be
happy in function and that makes sense to you, and
that's fine. Uh, I am. I am weirdly content and
happy with the idea that none of it matters. Uh,
(33:45):
But I don't really believe that's your like operation, like
I love I am. I'm marvel at the machine that
is man and the you know, the it. Our brains
are these endless association machines, and we we are constantly
(34:05):
looking for connections and patterns between things because that's how
we function, and that's like part of teaching and doing
improv is. I love this tool that you can use,
the just like association machine to create these worlds and imaginations,
and I love them and I revel in them in storytelling.
But all all I'm trying to get at is that
(34:26):
I think, like what you're describing as your obsession with
like understanding man and the science behind man. Like I'm
just saying, oftentimes the spiritual explanation for things is like
a step ahead of the game in terms of like
identifying things that exist in the world, in terms of
like ways that we're able to communicate with each other
(34:47):
without using language, and the information that we're constantly gathering
about our surroundings like we I think we are perceiving
and getting more than our current scientific understanding would tell you. Well,
I think there is I mean, whatever you want to
(35:07):
call it. I'm I I've tried to live in that
place and it doesn't Okay, So go tell us about
the horror story that would come around if our daughter
told you this. I mean, boy, I like, it's hard
(35:27):
thing for me, Like, let's say this actually really happened.
My knowledge of it because I'm slightly obsessed with this
concept of psychics and mediums, Like I would I would
validate my kids experience. I would sort of try to
teach them ways to cope with that ability. I imagine
(35:48):
if they continue to tell you these things, you would
get them like psychological help. Well, don't accuse me of
something I know. I'm just I'm just trying to follow
your train of logic. I'm really just asking you, okay. Well,
without the actual specifics, I'm like, what is it that
they have told me that I would conclude there's literally
(36:08):
no way they could know this without having spoken to
a dead person. Details are so it's really a funnier
level of skepticism because in every other hypothetical we have
where our kids like transform into like a giant walking baby,
like a thirty football you are completely on board with
the construct. But because here's the thing, here's the thing,
(36:29):
this is absolutely the thing. Because I love to engage
in like the hypothetical, the fanciful, the fantasy of it.
But the second that I know that that we're treating
it as if this is true, I hate it and
I can't have fun with it because I'm I'm and
I think it is a defensive thing where I'm like, well,
(36:51):
if your thing is true, well then I must be wrong.
And now I'm defensive. I'm admittedly very emotional right now,
and I'm trying not to speak emotionally and uh and
I'd rather unpack what that feeling is than than try
to have a Well, that's what I think is so
interesting about it is that you do get very emotional
about it. And you do too, though I admittedly have
(37:14):
skin in the game. You are the one that claims
that you choose to believe that you just don't know.
But then yet when we debate this, you very passionately
do have skin in the game. I am very skeptical
of people who have such who like yourself, claim to
have really strong answers to these big questions. I don't
claim to have strong answers like all the big questions.
(37:36):
I just more than I do. It feels like, yeah,
because I like to give my life meaning. I that's
the that's where the core of this is, right, I
mean right, we want we need to give ourselves meaning,
and weirdly, weirdly I I do it through this sort
of you are very happy with giving your life meaning
that you get from certain sources, and you're uncomfortable and
(38:00):
this is really something I truly believe about. Like all
this astrology psychic stuff gets really like laughed at is
again because it's like more strongly associated with women and
feminine things. And so everyone just sorry, go ahead, that's
that's exactly what I'm talking about. You just interrupt me
(38:22):
to just say, uh, like that's that's exactly the attitude.
That's just like okay, ladies. Like it's just I can't argue,
like there's no argument I have against that argument, and
that's why I want to like I'm like throw my
hands up to be like, well, I literally can't say
anything against that Uh, as this often happens with this conversation.
(39:01):
It's very emotional, and I feel very defensive. Uh. And
then I keep forgetting what the last moment was, and
then I feel I want to lash out, and I'm
just trying to avoid all all of that UM, and
I want to resk. I want to respect what you
love and you believe, but I also feel very attacked
(39:24):
about what I believe, and you're dismissing I'm not I've
completely understand why you believe what you believe. What I'm
saying is that your approach to what I believe is
incredibly dismissing. Well, you're the one that's saying that I
believe what I believe because of the patriarchy and because
I'm brainwashed by Western society. Well, you just admitted an
earlier segment that you understand now how you have core
(39:48):
beliefs that are a function of the society you live in. Sure,
but my point is you're dismissing my beliefs. By saying that,
I mean dismissing, I'm dismissing your inability to knowledge my beliefs.
I'm not like, I'm not mad that you believe in science.
I completely believe in science. I don't question certain studies
(40:12):
in certain information, but the idea of science I'm not against, Okay,
but you can understand how I might get defensive. It
feels like you're trying to say science doesn't know stuff,
therefore you don't know stuff. Therefore I know you don't know.
I know you're not saying that, but that's how I feel.
But again, this is like your defensiveness. It's just I'm
that's not like my point, Like it's like, I uh,
(40:45):
I think so shockingly if you're listening to this argument
or this debate for the first time, this is going
better than it has in the past. Uh. And there's
this level of acceptance I think we both have about
each other that that is evolving. And when you talk
(41:06):
about this stuff, when you talk about discoveries you have
made in this world, I have to actively shut off
the part of me that's like, well, here's why that's
all bullshit and actually look to the content of your
self examination and like the things that matter to you.
And that's what I focus on because that's what matters
to you, and that's how I can support you. Well,
(41:28):
that's the thing is when I'm talking about this stuff.
A lot of it is just me self analyzing how
I can like go through my day in a more
productive way and interact with people more productive. Like this
whole like belief system I have is like about me
growing and like learning as a person. It's not like
I'm not trying to hurt other people are like force
(41:48):
them to believe this. I don't. I don't care, but
I like, I don't know, I don't like That's the
thing I'm saying, like again to harden back to the
earlier segment of like have these I we vilify certain
things in this country, Like you know, socialism is currently
under a lot of attack right now, and it's like
(42:10):
if you look at the core beliefs of what the
people who believe in that are trying to accomplish, it's
like they really are just trying to give people like
better health care and schools, and like you can criticize
parts of it. I think there's I think it's perfectly
rational to like have take issue with aspects of what
people are proposing and how they plan to do it.
(42:30):
But if you just throw a whole belief system under
the bus, because you're just like socialism is for losers,
Like this is bad, like like whatever you're general no,
but like there is just this idea that socialism again
it's given this like effeminate like quality of being, Like
(42:50):
it's really like considered weak and you know what I mean,
Like it's some only things in this country that like
if you're trying to do a good thing, they find
a way of characterizing you as like a crazy outsider,
you know what I mean. Well, just because we're running
out of time and this is like a whole other
hour topic, I'm gonna go back to this hypothetical. What
(43:14):
would I do. I would go to Beth and I
would apologize for um years of judgment on her belief system,
and I would say, we don't know everything, and then
I would get you know what would be really annoying
Beth is that I get really into it. And then
I would start doing all this research about psychics and mediums,
(43:35):
and then I would start man explaining to you things
I've learned about it in the recent time, and then
I'd be really upset that you're upset that I'm explaining
it to you, um, and then very real I don't admittedly,
I don't think this will ever happen. But if it does,
this is what's ahead because I'm me and I can't
(43:57):
change that. Yeah, I mean the good news for you
is that the patriarchy has also woven into a new
age spirituality culture, so you can surely find people there
to parent their doctrine me, Mr patriarchy, Oh boy, and
(44:21):
this has been we Knows Parenting. Find us online we
knows Parenting dot com, where you can write in too.
I am sure people are going to have opinions. Please
sell the stories of your kids. Saying creepy things is
my favorite kind of story. And you know what, don't you?
(44:42):
If you want to write in and defend capitalism or socialism,
you can do that. We're probably not going to get
into it, um, but feel free. Okay, So I find
we Knows podcasts on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook at we Knows
pod or write in it we Know spotted Gmail dot um.
Oh my god, and have a good day, please fem
We Knows Parenting News
Hosts And Creators
Beth Newell
Peter McNerney
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