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April 7, 2020 52 mins

Quarantine life continues as a masked Peter ventures to the grocery store, Bryn quotes Sonic the Hedgehog, and the podcast recording is interrupted by sisters, dogs, children and TURKEYS?!?!

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:12):
Oh, hello, welcome to We Knows Parenting. I'm Peter. I'm
about the new one, and we're recording in the morning. Yes,
you got us bright eyed and bushy tailed. Um. We
I passed out at a thirty last night, and but
I just couldn't. I couldn't stop it from happening. I
walked in here and I saw you asleep, and I thought, hmmm,

(00:35):
do I wake up my wife record a podcast? I
just yeah, I could. I just I was like, I'll try.
And then it was like, you know when sleep is
so seductive, come here. I was really I was jealous.
And then I thought about, like, I guess I'll record
it by myself. And then I remembered. So we never
record during the day because we're working. You know, if

(00:59):
our kids are around, it's impossible because we live in
a small two bedroom co op. But now we're so
we're away, we're in a house. We're in a house
with my sister, and we're recorded right now. Our kids
are just in the other room. Yeah. I mean they
will probably disrupt this before the end, but that's okay. Um,

(01:19):
So if you if you listen right when this comes out.
We recorded this like a couple of hours ago. This
is fresh baby, hot off the presses for hearing fresh content. Um.
So I was trying to think about what to say
about this week, and I like, days have become so
blurred together. It's hard for me to remember details of

(01:42):
like what we did with our kids? But who are we?
Who are we? What? Literally this metaphorically existentially who are we?
We had? So this week we had really rainy days
for like a few days in a row, and it
was just like it was such I don't know, it
was just sort of overwhelming, get coupled with the news

(02:02):
and everything, and I was I kept telling myself, like,
on the other side of this rain is springtime. It's
going to be springtime soon. Just like cozy up and
survived this rainy thing. So we uh, thank god yesterday
had some real sunshine and it was the temperature hit
above sixty and we got the kids outside. It's a

(02:26):
total game changer. But I think that's also why I
was so exhausted, because I went for a run and
then I was inspired to copy my sister and I
was doing like push ups and stuff. And then I
spent the afternoon outside with the kids while you guys
went on your massive grocery store run it and I
was just like, I think it being outside was so

(02:49):
exhausting in a weird way. Yeah, it's just like Sunshine
actually can't record a podcast, need to sleep well. I
a lot of like the sort spiritual podcasts and Instagram
accounts I follow. I've been talking about how like grief
is very exhausting on your system, and like we're we're

(03:09):
all kind of in like a prolonged state of grief
right now between like we've were like a lot of people,
depending on your situation, we're all kind of like grieving
our previous lives and like what we thought was going
to happen in our life right now, and then some
people are grieving actual people or you know, like there's
just like a lot going on collectively. The world is

(03:29):
full of emotions. Yeah, we're all processing a lot right now,
and I think it does take like a real toll
on you your energy, and it's just I don't know.
I checked in with my cousin who lives um where
we actually live, who's still there. He's an air traffic
controller and so he's still working. But you know, there's

(03:51):
like twenty globally there's like four percent of all flights
are actually happening, and he's like, on those flights, there's
like three or four people on them. Um, So he
he has a bizarre existence. But he's always telling me
our local, our local grocery store, which is sort of
a tight space and it's always a lot of traffic.
When you go there, they're letting like three people in

(04:14):
at a time. And so he's like, waiting in line
to the grocery store is a massive undertaking. Yeah, And
that well, it's like emotional, like like I was saying
last week or the week before, Like I think the
kids sort of pick up on this like uncertainty in
the air because well, it's here. She has to go potty.

(04:36):
You go ahead, Ali can help you. Okay. Why don't
you go right here in this bathroom, okay, and be
quiet because we don't want to hear you peeing on
a podcast. Those jammies are way too big. Those jammies
are five year old jam My favorite, because the butt
falls down. She's always grabbing. Likes to wear them and

(04:57):
just let her butt hang out. And if she's holding
like a cup or plate and she's walking, they just
fall all the way to the ground. She's always holding
one side with one hand like in like an old
is this turkey? We gotta go? We're gonna pause. Wow,
we're back and we're back. That was exciting. There's a
lot of turkeys out there, and one of them had
like a very blue head. For the record, literally, I'm

(05:22):
sure that might have been chaotic. Beth sister screamed, turkeys.
There's turkeys and we someone says, turkeys around here. We
come running, we running. Look there was a big that
was a big male. Is that the blue head? I
don't know. Well, I guess we need to do some
research on turkeys. You know what the thing and hanging

(05:43):
below it's gin is called. I know that you say
it a lot, but I don't remember. It's a snood
Yeah remember that game, Yes I do. I have a
strong desire to play Snoode. Now, anyway, you were saying, so,
I was saying like I think the so I don't

(06:06):
think like you guys were in the grocery store. I
don't think I was super anxious about it, like I'm not.
For for whatever reason, germs are not my anxiety. But
there as you guys are walking out the door, there's
always going to be a slight sense of like, is
this the grocery store trip where we contract coronavirus? Like
I feel like that's how everyone feels. So like you
guys were leaving, it's just like low key anxiety. Hey,

(06:29):
we're recording get out um and then sounded angry. I
had a smile on my face and smile so it
was fun. He's laughing, Okay, so seriously, maybe get out.
She had to copy him. They think it's very funny.
So I think Brin was like just like picking up

(06:49):
on the slight anxiety of the situation. And so you
guys left, and he was like Daddy and Alie and
he was doing sort of like fake half real half
fake crying thing and he was like, this is just
like what I was just here with Daddy and David.
Accept it to you and it was very funny. But

(07:12):
he also did that to me when I went out
for a walk and he started crying the other day
like he's just, oh, what can we talk about? So
you guys were running around the house playing this I
guess you know Tag and he's like, oh, they're screaming,
they're having the time of their lives and you're running around,
and then you turned the corner, and then they come

(07:32):
in there looking around, and we go, she went that way,
and then it went around again, and then you came around,
and then we saw you slip out of the house.
This is at night, and you're clearly, like literally just
trying to get away from them, and you go for
all an extended walk. And so my life right now
is everyone's always seeking me out day and night. And

(07:53):
and we go shoot it that way, and we just
kept sending them in circles, were like, that's funny because
she's not here. And then we forgot about him and
I were just talking and then he finally comes back
in and he goes, I can't find her, and he
was genuinely scared, like you were lost in the house
in some sort of Narnia situation for all time. And

(08:15):
then I was like, oh, she's here, and then we
saw that it was getting bad. He was sad. He goes, no, no,
she went outside. She just played a little trick on you.
And then you saw him like trying to piece that
together and then just the hurt on his face realizing
that you had abandoned him. He's so dramatic, though, like
I don't always trust his reactions, like, and he also like,

(08:38):
but as another dramatic person, I could just say the
core of it is always true. It's just in a
very flowery package. Yeah, yeah, I know. I me and
my sister are trying to figure out some ways to
toughen him up a little bit because he's just like
always bouncing on us like he's just a little lion.

(09:00):
And then we finally got outside yesterday, which is good.
I think he needs to like now that we have
been getting outside going on walks, but now we can
finally be outside in the yard for a stain sustained
amount of time without like constant movement. It's so nice.
And so he was doing this thing where he would
literally like he would stand like feet away from me

(09:21):
and then he would come sprinting directly at me and
then just jump on me. So then I was trying
to change the game where I was like, right when
you get to me, you should dart away like it's
a trick, and so he's doing that. But then like
neighbors were walking by because it was finally so nice
that everyone's walking by and they're just seeing this kid
run at me and like pounce on me, um, and

(09:44):
I was like, he really is like kind of like
a baby cub where I feel like he needs to
pounce and like roll around and he needs you to
like wrestle him for a certain amount of time, like
he wants to be like roughed up still with my brothers,
very earnestly. But it's just like exhausting when you're not
expecting it. It's like the middle of your day and

(10:05):
you're like holding a cup of coffee and then someone's
like running at you. He's like, here's my knees in
your face. Yeah, it's like but um, so I think
we need to schedule that into the day or or
just maybe now that we get him outside. Yeah. Um.
My new favorite exercise is it's called anti tag, where
the person who's it is doesn't tag people everyone. Everyone

(10:28):
has to tag the person who's it, and that person
is me. It's a brandon may even doing their best
to try to tag me, and instead of running away
from them, my objective is to get as close to
them as I can and then jump out of the way,
sort of like a bullfighter. Uh like oh a, and
I jump out of the way, and it is exhausting,
like they can't catch me if I'm trying really hard,

(10:50):
but they love it because they get so close. And
I'm like, this is legitimately exercise, which I haven't gotten
any of. Since we've been here, and I've gained fourteen pounds.
We've all gained some pounds, a number which will not
be confirmed, we'll never know. We don't have a scale here.

(11:11):
Thank god almost brought the scale. Thank God you didn't
bring the scale. If I go back to our house
for ever, I'm bringing the scale. I have like two
pairs of real jeans here, and it's like I don't
know if I'm going to put them on again like
the last couple, Like I need to. I need to
make some dietary changes before I attempt those jeans again,

(11:32):
because like last week, I broke a belt loop trying
to pull one pair on and then the other ones.
They just feel tight and like itchy, like as just
like I can't like I can't speak to the itchy. Well,
have you ever gained weight quickly in a short period
of time? Exactly in the middle of that, right, and

(11:52):
the you know, like the skin is stretching, it's was itchy.
Last night, I had a terrible night's sleep one. Uh,
you know, no tino shade, but you were snoring all
night and too well, I'm still pretty allergic to the
it's a I just really earnestly said, no tino shade,

(12:16):
but there's plenty of tea. You've become I didn't need. Anyway,
we're also my arms keep falling asleep. I think I
don't know what's this pillow And like the way my
shoulders fall back. I wake up, my whole arms are
as leep. That sounds like a nutrient deficiency. Like, yeah,
that doesn't happen normally. I need to run. I need
to go for a run. Anyway, I want to talk

(12:37):
about canceling my flight. So we were supposed to take
do we want to hear about this? Is this a
fun story? This is a fun story. How one we
bought last minute planeting parenting podcast. I know, but we're
going to take our kids on a spring break, and
so we bought planet we weren't going to And then
when the coronavirus first was like proving to be theory,

(13:00):
we didn't know it was that serious. And I was like, oh,
they'll be really cheap flights right now, and and you
were like can I book this flights? These flights And
I was like, are you sure this is a good idea?
As coronavirus is ramping up? Are you prepared to lose
the money on these flights? And I said, yeah, I'll
buy in cancelation insurance on them. Anyway, I got the
cheapest tickets in the world, and then Jet Blue canceled

(13:23):
them as they thought they might. And now you've spent
an entire day on hold trying to get your money back.
I spent forty two minutes on hold. But the point
of the story is this poor woman that I spoke to.
I knew that she was having a rough day, um
and I called her and I was very nice to her,
and she was shocked, and she was like, I can't

(13:44):
believe how nice you're being. And I could just hear
the days of people being terrible to her, Like I
read these articles that are like airlines are trying to
not give you your money back because they're, you know,
going bankrupt. So they tried to give me a credit
that like expires in a year, and I was like,
I'm not going to take this trip probably I want

(14:05):
to refund. And so these articles tell you like they're
going to try to take your money, like tell them
they legally can't. So I think so many people are
calling there like listen up Jet. I've heard similar stories
of people who work at grocery stores and stuff like that,
they're they're getting kind of traumatized because so many people
are being so rude to them. Because people are stressed out, understandably,

(14:25):
but like people take it out on other people. It's like,
be nice to people. This is what my dad is
very good at, is being authoritative and warm. I don't know,
She's just like, Hi, I booked this flight, you canceled it,
and I'm unable to take this trip, so I'd like
refund please, And then she's like like we cancel her

(14:47):
you cancel it. You can tell she's like shell shocked.
I was like, well you cancel my god, she can't
find it, and she's like and then she's had done.
She's like, can I just say you're being so patient
and so kind, thank you so much. And I'm like,
I bet your job has been easier before this. We've
like we're we've been weirdly primed to delays and disappointment lately.

(15:08):
I mean, because I feel like like My whole career
is just like things that almost happen and then don't
actually happen. That's like how the entertainment industry works. But
then like in the last few months, we've been trying
to buy a house and like figure out renovations on
that house and like just constant delays and our seller
doesn't actually want to give us the house, and it's
really primed us for this current situation where it's just like, uh,

(15:32):
you just have to sit back and be patient and
they're out of control. Yeah, we can't control any of this,
and uh, we're as prepared as we can be. We're
going to be positive all. Like all my anxiety goes
towards food. I like to think about food all day.
I'm like, what are we going to make? What do
we need to buy on our next trip to have
the perfect food experience? Like we think about it differently.

(15:56):
I just well, I'm like I'm always like, how it's
a meal that's going to be like hardy and delicious
but also sort of healthy and nutritious and last for
two days, And like this is just all I think
about all day. That's not all I think about is
I hate food and I don't want it to be
around me. I have no control around it is. I

(16:19):
try to I try to not I try to pretend
it doesn't exist. This is why it's hard for me
to have you be the one who goes with store
and buys things. I understand. So glad my sister is
with you, because I was trying to coach you guys,
and I was like, because we don't know if the
things on our lists are going to be there, and
you know that you need to make some impulse purchases.
If you're only going grocery store shopping like every ten days,

(16:43):
you want to bulk up and have options that will
last a long time. And I was like, when you
get to the snacks, go a little crazy, Go a
little crazy, I will say. I now I no longer
shop with my own brain. I shop with your brain
in these times. I need you to get on board

(17:03):
at any the whole point of the I got a
refund on our plane tickets and then went to the
grocery store and spent almost all of it on groceries,
so we are good for at least a couple of weeks.
I know. It's like it's hard to be calm about
the cost of groceries when it's so high, but it's
also like probably less money than we're spending before, but

(17:25):
every lunch you have in this city. And also, like,
my sister lives with us now, so we are now
have an extra adult in our household. Yeah, we're all
just chomping all day long. And she can she can
buy groceries every fifth time. Yeah, okay, I'll tell you.
So we the first trip out we've made with masks on,

(17:47):
and there's a real you know, there's a dumb, self
conscious part of your like, am I gonna be the
only one wearing a mask? Grocery store, almost everybody had
masks on, and it really the people without masks, you
could feel they were all ashamed. Ah, which is good.
That's a good kind of shame, the public health shame.
And then we stopped at the liquor store in the

(18:08):
way back because you know, essential needs. And I'll tell
you what, not a single person at the local liquor
store it's wearing a mask like that tracks. Yeah. The

(18:31):
next segment is called we Knows what They're watching. We
have some special guests here to discuss the Sonic the
Hedgehog movie, which we purchased on iTunes this week, say hello,
brand Okay and Sonic the Hedge chug to someone named
doctor and robot Nick and something, and in a funny

(18:52):
part he was like, hello the way your makeup? Yeah,
we have one scene in the movie we keep quoting
where the actor Jim Carrey portraying the actor known as
Jim Carrey portraying Dr robot Nick has a very funny
line where he's dancing and his assistant comes up to

(19:14):
give him some latte, surprises him and he says, what
do I look like an imbecile? Of course I want
a latte. I like the way of Macum. We've we've
been screaming at each other all week as we make
things or ask for things we want to be made
for us. So, Brian, you've been watching a lot of TV. Right? Wait, No,

(19:36):
I haven't watched any TV today, Well not today, but
since you've been here in this house, so you're watching
more TV than normal, Like the no TV on school
day rule has gone out the window. Right, So tell
me what have you been watching? What's your favorite thing
you've seen recently? Let's say pepper Pig. Why do you

(19:57):
like pepper Pig? Well, bec as well. I don't really know.
Is it funny? No, no, it doesn't have any funny,
doesn't daddy pig funny? Something goes Daddy's big tummy? Oh yeah, yeah?
All right? What's what else? What show do you watch

(20:19):
the daddy does not like it that you watch? Well? Well,
could it be one that I don't really that I
can even watch today? Or here? Yeah? Yeah, and just
in general, I don't really know. Maybe YouTube, Yeah, I
don't like YouTube. Do you know? Why? Why? Why do

(20:41):
you think? I don't know? You know? Actually I don't
even really know. Okay, Maven, what shows do you like
to watch? What's your favorite TV shows? I think she
doesn't know. Yeah, she's having a little trouble answering that,
all right. Brand you also saw the Goonies the other night.

(21:04):
It was scary, It was scary? What was scary about it?
Lactually it was creepy. What's the difference between scary and creepy?
Scary is like, um, scary like things that that aren't
really could happen and what scares you? And what's creepy

(21:28):
like like skeletons and eyeballs. So creepy is more like um,
So did you was it scary going to bed after
you watch the Booties? M hm? I think I hadn't. Yeah,
what was your namemare about? Um? There was love on

(21:51):
you fell into her, Mommy and Maven and Ali and Daisy,
But the only one that that didn't fall in with me?
So everyone fell in the lava except for you. That
sounds like bad news. Alright, Brent, what do you think? Uh?
Do you think there's such a thing as too much TV? Now?

(22:17):
You've never watched so much TV that you feel a
little crazy? All right? What movie do you think we
should watch tonight? Mm hmm, let's say Soundic the Head Chad.
All right, now I want you to we watched a
few other movies. I'm gonna ask you about them, and
then you're gonna give me your review. You know what

(22:37):
that means. That means you're gonna say whether it's a
good movie or a bad movie? And why? Okay, we
saw the movie onward? What do you think of that movie?
The best? Why? Because I've because they get to see
their dad. Oh wow, that's the best answer I've ever

(23:00):
You don't think it's because of those legs walking around
all funny? Oh? Yeah, that was so fun My favorite
and the funniest part was he was but he was
just legs, just legs dancing. I think he felt the
music or just heard it. We can't hear if you

(23:20):
don't have ears, but you can feel it like this,
Do do Do Do Do Do do do? Can we
talk about some music that you guys have been listening to? Yeah,
Music review times, there's a new song that you guys like, right,
it's called hooked on a Feeling. And what's the part
that you like to sing? Brian? I don't really I

(23:42):
think you Your favorite part is the part yes, yes, yes, yes, Okay, mommy,
you can go like that part. I'll do the course
and you do the uga chaka man? Can you do?
I don't want to do any of You're getting embarrass
now you're hiding behind the microphone. But yesterday when you

(24:04):
were out in the yard, you were singing to yourself, Right,
do you do? You like singing sometimes when there's no
one listening. Why do you think that is? Because I
don't really think they're gonna be real strong Oh you don't.

(24:25):
You don't think they're gonna be real songs, So you
don't want people to hear you think you're gonna get
it wrong. You don't like getting things wrong? Do you
like when I have you try to write words and
you don't know how to spell them and I won't
help you. That makes you really mad, doesn't it? You
really hate that. But that's how you learn is by trying.

(24:48):
Then I already know everything. Oh well, then you don't
need to ask me. Well soon totally. Now, all right,
let's ask they've been's asking what's inside the microphone? Um,
let's say wires and electricity? There's some electricity in there?

(25:11):
What in this scraper? Ah? Yeah? What? Al right? Well,
before we let you go, um, anything you want all
our listeners to know about your lives or your parents?
What do you think of us? Brandon? Mommy? Well, I

(25:32):
love Mommy and Daggy? Yeah? All right, this has been
he knows what they're watching with Brendan Maven Say goodbye,
Say goodbye Maven. This next segment is called listeners want

(25:58):
to Know. So that's where we take question in the
comments from you guys. All alright, even oh, I will
say I have to say, great performance from Jim Carrey
in that role, back to his roots, very fun. We
laughed a lot of that movie, and I mean he's
the only he's the only good part of it, and

(26:19):
he's great. It's it is one of the rare movies
for kids where I think parents will actually enjoy certain moments. Um. Yeah,
I like the way I may come. Uh. This podcast
got my wife pregnant. Subject line Good morning, Beth and Peter.
I've been listening to your Sweet Humorists and Real podcast

(26:41):
since your first episode, and I've loved every minute of it.
I began listening before kids, and now we're expecting our
first and September yeehaw. I pre ordered Beth's book to
help prepare my wife. Carly and I read it allowed
to each other and read it aloud to each other
and laugh out loud. Carly especially appreciate appreciates this book.

(27:02):
I can hear her laughing randomly while she reads it alone.
We just read the section about setting boundaries. Quote Mike,
drop and exit the moving vehicle if necessary was an
especially delightful phrase. We repeat to each other often during
quarantine life for a much needed laugh. She's in a
demanding graduate program Physicians assistant in Your podcast and book

(27:25):
have brought us many laughs as she juggles stress from
that her pregnancy, COVID and an earthquake. Come on, you're
a dick and you better get your mind right soon.
I remember the early We Knows episodes which I which
had more, shall we say, displays of aggression. I'm curious

(27:46):
if this period in your lives was a result of
the double kiddo stress. If so, did you ever use
or think about using counseling to deal with the demands
of being working parents while raising kids, or did you
find you were able to deal with issues and work
through things yourselves? I asked me, because my wife is
a direct person who communicates her feelings and thoughts, and

(28:08):
she has a good she has good role models for communication.
I am practicing those skills as I wasn't raised in
a home where communication was a priority. Based on those
early episodes, you both seem able to handle difficult conversations. Well.
Was that a result of kids or were you able
to handle these situations before kiddos as well. We've been

(28:29):
together for eleven years, so I think we have a
solid foundation of how to work through things. I occasionally
still struggle with communication, and when I do, my default
mode is to shut down. I do think about how
our relationship will change with a little one. Has your
relationship change and if so? How I know? There are
thirty questions in there. If you decide to use this
email for episode, I know will not be disappointed if
you pick and choose. Uh um, it's not much of

(28:54):
a pick. But I did attach the only image we
have of our little one at this point U ultrasound
from eight weeks. Carly is sixteen weeks on Friday. Uh.
We we call it a cricket right now, and we
aren't finding out the sex. I thought I better explain
the name of the attachment. Oh it said cricket. Um. Great,

(29:14):
Thank you for the work you do and making my
and many others tuesdays delightful with gratitude. Matt and Carly,
thank you what a nice email. Um, and congratulations on
all that little cricket. Look at that cricket. That's that's
so exciting for you guys. Eleven years does sound like
a very solid foundation for parenting together. So I feel

(29:38):
like you guys are probably ahead of the curve. Um,
we got we had our first baby at around eleven now,
I guess eight years something. Yeah, we've yeah, Um anyway,
we I we have not gone to counseling. We've talked

(29:59):
about it at certain points, and we've just never made
it happen for various reasons. But we do consider this
podcast our counseling session in a certain way because you,
the listeners, forced us to speak to one another a
somewhat respectful way. That though sometimes we stretch that a
little bit, but we're able to discuss things without like

(30:20):
insulting each other as much as we might in the
heated arguments we would have behind closed doors. Yeah, I
mean there's some tough episodes to listen to early on
is if you notice, yeah, we've gotten better. I think, oh,
way better. But I think it is a combination of
a couple of things. One for me, at least, I've
had to go back and re listen to those episodes

(30:43):
and actually have been forced to hear what I actually
actually have said. Has been helpful. But also I think
if there weren't people listening, those conversations would have been
would have shut down between you and me, yeah, instead
of moving forward. Yeah, So I think we can both

(31:04):
see the conflict coming sooner because the big problem is
usually something that happened before the fight, which is something yeah, well,
I've learned. I would say, like nine out of ten
arguments start with you doing something that I find problematic,

(31:25):
and then where it goes wrong on my part is
I criticize in a very negative tone. Sometimes I can
be calmer and say please don't do this again, or
can you please agree not to do this or blah
blah blah, but uh, not always successful, depending on my
mood or the state of the country. Um, and you

(31:48):
are your go to mistake is to dig in your
heels and say that that was not a problem and
that my feelings are not reflective of reality and to
just like, I think that's where you derail it. You're
like put your foot down, and it's just like I
would just like an ounce of owning the fact that

(32:11):
something you did concern me so that we can move
on it. I mean, you're of course absolutely right, because
when somebody does something the way you wouldn't do it,
you at your worst and you are so much better
now because he's instantly very mean. Well, sometimes we're literally
in a global pandemic and someone I live with is

(32:32):
like going on impulsive trips to the post office or whatever,
and I'm like, could you think about when you might
be infecting your family with coronavirus. So we've learned a
lot Beth has learned. I think. I think the biggest
lessons is you have learned a lot about The biggest

(32:52):
lesson is I have learned I'm giving us both a
big thing and a big compliment. Uh. You You've learned
a lot about tone, which sounds so petty, and I
have learned a lot about before I say something, shut
up and think about what's happened for the last four hours. Well,

(33:14):
your tone we have. I mean I think every couple
does this. You're so dramatic, so you're like, I like,
I'm critical of you, and then all of a sudden,
granted we've been under a lot of stress lately, but
you just say like the most outlandish thing, which sometimes
it is like a blessing in disguise because the insults

(33:35):
are so outsized for the situation that I'm just like, well,
I know that's not true, Like it's just like so
out of left field, like ah um. But I think
one yes, this has been our therapy. I totally recommend

(33:56):
therapy to people, even though it's something we haven't done,
because I think especially for parents, like especially new parents,
because I don't like everyone is experiencing a lot of change,
and I do think this is kind of what's happening
with coronavirus. Is like everyone in the household is experiencing
stress in different ways, and there's a lot of new information,

(34:18):
and it's hard not to take it out on each other.
And I feel like that's what happens with new parents,
is they're exhausted and stressed and trying to navigate all
these new things. It's almost impossible not to lash at
one another. Yeah, But I think the benefits of therapy
and why this is our therapy, is as soon as
you have somebody else listening it, immediately you put yourself

(34:43):
in another person's shoes and you're able to hear yourself
through another lens. Do you know what I mean? Like,
as soon as I know you're all listening to us,
I'm thinking about how I'm coming across to you, because
we're all such innately as social creatures, and it forces
you to sell reflect just to have a witness. Um.

(35:03):
I would imagine the other part of it is I
think the time in the podcast when we were the
most at each other's throats corresponded to our kids being
the most difficult age and you having health issues. Yeah,
there's a lot going on, but that's how everyone's life is.

(35:25):
Everyone has a lot going on. I'm really am feeling
for people who like have a baby and a toddler
during coronavirus, or like are pregnant with a toddler during coronavirus.
My friend from college had a baby like four days ago. Yeah,
we had we know someone whose wife just had a baby,

(35:47):
and they were talking about not like there's some people
who are women who are delivering alone because they're not
letting partners into the hospital, which is very scary, and
they're watching on like an iPad. I think they might
have changed that. In New York. There was like a
I don't know, but um, very scary. Um, but we're

(36:08):
all going to get through this. Um um. The last
thing I'll say with the email, it really feels like
Matt is the you and Carly is the me. Yeah,
when he was saying he tends to want to shut
down communication, I was like, yeah, that's like that's my
flight response, just like and this is another thing we've

(36:30):
both gotten better at. Are old fights. You would always
say the most incendiary thing that you were going to
say and then and then leave, and you do that too,
though well everyone does that, I know, but but nobody
leaves like you do. Well if I'm just like, this
is what I'm talking about, is like when you when

(36:52):
I'm trying to discuss like an issue, like hey, let's
not make you know, extra trip two stores. We need
to plan ahead and try to do as few trips
as possible, and then suddenly you try to switch the
conversation to be about something else, insult my character, and
like you're just attacking me. It's like, can we go

(37:14):
If we're not going to be on the topic of
conversation that started this discussion, I'm not going to continue
this the way you're like when I'm like, hey, can
we please not go to the store, I'm like, oh,
that's not how that was said, Okay, but still your
instinct is to like try to come up with things
I've done wrong and not discuss the issue at hand,
and then it's like not a productive conversation if we're

(37:37):
all like just listing mistakes. My point was to talk
about some things we have adjusted over time. And boy,
you don't do the storm away thing anymore because you know,
I'm going to cut. But what my point was sometimes
leaving an argument is a healthy decision, and if it's

(37:58):
not a productive discussion, you should not just keep screaming
at each other. Right. So, I think the big two
big things we both have learned is one I have
learned to not chase after you and to just chill
out and go for a leave myself and to go
for a walk. And you have learned to leave on
a a softer note. And I think that has done

(38:23):
one wonders. Softer note. Yeah, when my husband says, this
is what's wrong with you, let's make you to exit.
Uh yeah, when I get really really mad, it's all
those things, those complaints I've had in my head that
I've thought about that I couldn't say to you, and

(38:45):
then they come out in like the most intense distilled
way in a context that's not applicable to the like,
I like the way you may coming. That's what next
time we're in a big fight, we're just saying, Oh,
I like the way you love you. One more email.
This comes to us from Caitlin Giant baby picks, birth stories,

(39:09):
questions and praise. I like most of those things. Hey, Beth,
and Peter. To say I love your pod is an understatement.
Your podcast was a shining beacon during the horrendous for
six months my son's life. I had PTSD and postpartum
depression with a healthy dose of anxiety and rage. Thank
you so very much for helping me feel less alone

(39:31):
as I made my way to the other side of
traumatic birth and postpartum period. I have given your book, Beth,
to every woman I know who is pregnant. I recommend
your pod to everyone. First up, I'll share my birth
story for Beth. Peter. I guess you can read to
this long, so feel free to skip it. We won't.
I love a good birth story. Blackland is my first baby,

(39:51):
born in a June. I am a bigger woman, so
my first doctor told me I would get guests, uh guests,
gestational diabetes, and I would have to have a c section.
I found a new doctor, thankfully, and she was much
more supportive. I gained a total of seventeen pounds with
my pregnancy and was really healthy throughout, no complications, baby

(40:13):
be measured normal, all good. I really wanted to prove
the crap first doctor wrong and have a natural, unmedicated birth. Luckily,
I had my babe in an incredibly UH in an
incredibly woman positive hospital with low intervention and the lowest
C section rate in the state, so I felt pretty confident.
My waters broke on their own full gush. I looked

(40:35):
like my husband. I said, either up my water broke
er I just beat my pants, and honestly, I'm not
sure which. Friday, June seven, at two thirty p M
called the hospital, told them the situation that I was
only having very mild contractions. They told me to take
my time coming in, so my husband and I watched
a movie, took showers, and generally took our time. Checked
in at the hospital at six PM. They confirmed that

(40:57):
my water did indeed break, and then I was ushered
up to the very nice birthing suite. Didn't make much
progress on my own by six thirty am, so we
added UH mr a pro Mr Mr Mr Prostal. Yeah.
That got things kickstarted and contractions started coming fast and strong. Unfortunately,

(41:21):
at two PM, almost twenty four hours after my water broke,
I stalled. I talked things through with my nurse midwife.
She was incredible, as we're all the staff, and we
finally decided to do UH potosa. I sobbed because I
really didn't want to because, as you know, Beth, you're
really supposed to deliver within twenty four hours after the
water breaks to avoid infection. Potosa made my contractions never

(41:44):
ending and almost unbearable. At two am, almost thirty six
hours of labor, I begged for that epidural. Unfortunately it
kept failing and I ended up getting three different epidurals.
I started pushing at four am, and three and a
half hours later still no baby. Baby was in distress,
I had a raging fever, and midwives were so supportive,

(42:05):
but ultimately we decided that the forty one mark it
was time to get this baby out. We went into
the operating room. Only doctor in the whole process was
the OBI who performed the surgery, and due to all
the epidurals that just didn't quite work, they had a
really hard time getting me numb, so I felt everything.

(42:25):
Oh God, it was horrific, But after a certain point
I don't remember much other than a giant baby flying by.
There's really well placed all caps sections if you couldn't
tell performing. My husband did skin to skin and once
I stepped I was stapled back together. They helped him
get uh latched in recovery. UM, no wonder. We could

(42:51):
not get this baby out twenty two point five inches
and ten pounds O. It was a whopper. We stayed
the hospital for five days because we were both so sick,
but we made it out okay. Lachlan was really hard
baby those first six months, on top of the postpartum
depression uh pp D, a R anxiety rage. It was

(43:19):
a whole lot. But now, at almost ten months, this
sweet babe is less of a potato and more of
a joy every day. He's still insanely tall, thirty two
at nine months, always at least percentile for height. That
is the story. Quick question, how are you dealing with
different levels of concern during COVID nineteen. My husband is

(43:42):
much less concerned and wants to socialize and spend time
with a close group of friends for friends, this is
stressing me out. Help. I've also attached so many good picks,
including my giant pregnant self with thirty six weeks when
he moved to San Francisco to Sandeo. Crazy kids right
after the baby was born, uh in a hospital with daddy.
And then there's a bunch of I think I won't describe,

(44:04):
but there's a lot to unpack here. Thank you for
the botto from the bottom of my heart and showing
a functional marriage with children even when it's not perfect.
What do you mean, not perfect? Just kidding? Love love, love, Caitlin,
but everyone calls me motor boat really buried bot nickname. Okay,

(44:25):
First of all, Caitlin, congratulations on the baby. Great work.
It sounds like you really did your best through was
a pretty horrible labor, but you got through it. Um,
and you got to look at that adorable baby with dad.
He's so sweet. He has a little uh poe hawk.
I love it. Um so cute. Um yeah, I mean, god,

(44:52):
the it. That kind of labor and the PPD and everything,
I think is much more common than a lot of
people realize because we're like, hey, a new moms, just
smile for the cameras. We don't want to hear about
your vagina and everything. Um, I don't want to hear
that you got ripped open over two days anyway. Um.
Her question was how do you deal with defferring levels

(45:14):
of concern with coronavirus. Uh, we've already touched on obviously,
we haven't done with it, dealt with it perfectly. I
just I'm not I'm not trying to hang out with people.
I just went to the store too frequently. Early on
the same page now, But I do think like that
I have heard I feel like a number of stories

(45:35):
that is, like people who are like, well, I just
want to have like one last drink with friends, or
I just want to like I'm just gonna hang out
with this little group of friends or just go golfing,
and then it's like suddenly all those dudes are infected
and infecting their families. Like it's not like this is
not an unreal threat, Like, um, yeah, Also, I'll be

(45:56):
curious because this email was written, you know, at least
like a week ago, and the entire world has changed. Yeah.
That's the thing about this coronavirus nes is like the
news is changing so rapidly, and I do think depending
on how often people consume news or what part of
the country they're in, I think it is setting it
a little slower. So I think it is important, I
think to be like a little bit patient with people

(46:17):
and not like scream at them when they don't have
the exact same information as you. Day today, honestly, it
also is a different thing to like go to a
concert or go to you know, like these like a church. Yeah,
I think where you're going to be around a hundred people,
that's much more dangerous for everybody than if you're going
to go to your friend's house and Drake, I mean,

(46:38):
I say, don't do either. But I also think there's
a little bit of gray area. Like we are we're
quarantining with my sister, so we have an extra person
with us, and she's just become part of our family unit.
And I think there are people if you're like a
single mom or your next her neighbors, you're like a close,
tight knit group with them. I don't think there's necessary

(47:00):
really a ton of harm. And like combining into a
family unit with somebody, if it's like a very small
group of people and everyone is truly quarantining and you're
going to help, you're able to support each other. Yeah,
Because I do think, like what I think it gets
lost in this discussion a little bit is that human

(47:21):
contact is very necessary to mental health, like people do.
Like if I was a single mom and I was
just like alone at home with kids through all this,
and then I had to do, like a stressful grocery
store trip with like where are my kids? I take
them into the grocery store, I leave in the car,
like you need some people are going to need support
systems through this. Um, so yeah, I think there are

(47:44):
certain gray areas with stuff like that, and like you know,
some of us are working more than others. Some of
us are our essential workers and have to leave the house.
It's all. This is just not gonna be a one
size fits all solution. But in terms of her question
about how do you navig thought, I think, uh what

(48:06):
I think, like, hey, idiot, um this is something you know,
I think we're all working on, and I think, like
there is I don't know. It's a hard This is
a hard one because I want to say like this.
I think that's why I was struggling to navigate. This
is like in other like situations, you could try to

(48:27):
draw like clear boundaries with people and be like if
you do this, I'll do this. But it's hard. If
you live with someone and they're your lifeline through all this,
you can't be like I'm not going to allow you
into the house like you you know what I mean,
Like you need like it's very difficult. It's like and
everyone is persuaded differently. But I imagine, you know, if

(48:49):
it was me, you know, I and I can I
can be quick to get defensive and like you said,
and immediately go like, well, here's why it's not a problem.
If I'm fronted with something, I think it is like
trying to say as calm as possible. And this is
like something I struggle with with Brian too, when he's
like punching and stuff, is like, I feel like I

(49:11):
need I really when you do this, it makes me
feel this way, even though you're like raging on the inside,
you have to like calmly be like this makes me
feel scared for our safety. Here are the factual reasons why. Yeah,
I would imagine this is not actually an issue for
her anymore, because, like you said, the news has progressed
pretty quickly. But yeah, or or it's uh storytelling, paint

(49:33):
a picture. I'm worried about this scenario in which I
get sick and one of us has to go to
the hospital and we have a baby here and there's
no one to take care of this baby, which is
a very real concern. I think a lot of people
are having. Yeah, I mean that's something you started talking
about that like the three of us, Like what happens
was Brandon had to start making his own meals if

(49:55):
we're here sick, and I was like, oh, that's just
not real. Well, and that's why we're trying to set
and like only one or two of us to the
grocery store and then hopefully we ideally, well, the plan
right now kind of actually is that like my sister,
we make her the most likely to get sick, and
she's the easiest one for the rest of us to

(50:16):
isolate from. Um, she knew what she was getting into.
She did. It makes it makes me sound very selfish,
but I have decided that I have the weakest immune
system of anyone here, given my health problems over the
last few years and like all the trials that birthing
children has put my body through. Um, so yeah, I'm

(50:36):
not a strong person. Um, but like we have decided,
like if anyone is showing signs of sickness, will isolate
them in my sister's room here, which has its own bathroom. Um.
I've heard that my sister listened to I think it
was like the Daily or something on this woman whose
husband got sick, and they did sort of a similar
thing where they were like keeping him quarantined and then

(50:58):
like they unfortunately they had to share a bathroom with him,
so every time he went in there, they had to
like wipe down all the services and disinfects where they
could take a shower. Um, so hopefully it doesn't come
to that and we don't get sick, but um what,
we're going to be prepared because we're being careful and
we're staying positive and we're wearing masks, and we we
stretched our groceries out so long. I'm so proud. We

(51:21):
did ten days without a grocery store trip and yesterday
our fridge was like almost completely bare and now it
is completely full. Yeah, but we managed to eke out
like a couple of last meals that were like surprisingly decent,
Like we really did some good planning. Well, that's gonna
do it. This is about another episode of We Know

(51:42):
Its Parenting. If you would like to send its an email,
tell us how you're doing how are you managing the
children in your lives and yourselves in your life? Yeah?
How's working with kids? Are not working with kids? And
or doing your job? Yeah? How's doing your job? Or
do you have a job, because a lot of people
don't right now. Um, you can email us what we

(52:03):
Knows Pod at gmail dot com, or you can leave
us a voicemail at a number that Beth is about
to say. It is three four seven three eight four
seven three. Find us on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook at we
knows pot and please write us a review, leave us
a five star rating, and we will see you next
time because next week, you know what. Next week is

(52:24):
Beth episode one hundred and by my book for your
pregnant friends, there's no manual, honest and gorey wisdom about
having a baby. And we'll see you next time. By

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