January 21, 2020 • 44 mins
This week Bryn debuts his newest character, “Guy pretending to get it,” Beth and Peter try to rebuild their village and this podcast (finally) gets a listener pregnant.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
I got to say, welcome to We Knows Parenting and
Peter McNerney Beth and we're married and we have kids,
and that's why we're here to talk about parenting. This
podcast is all business. We take parenting very seriously. There's
(00:30):
a right way to do it, and we know our
bio masters of parenting. Oh okay we should um, yeah,
we should occasionally check in and say what the point
of the whole podcast is. We have two kids, there's
now three and three quarters. I just mean we Knows parenting.
The sort of philosophy of this podcast is like we
(00:51):
don't really knows, and no one really knows, so we're
just kind of nosing our way around it. Uh um.
That was the most best sync description of this podcast
I've heard since the last one. What happened this week?
I say my highlight of the week right after Bad
(01:12):
Beth is Brita's newest character, oh Man, who's pretending to
understand that he gets Man, pretending he gets it, and
he just goes, oh I get it, and he puts
his shoulders up. He does it in a really weird voice,
so it's like he's like, oh, I get it. And
(01:40):
then he was talking about the character later and he
was like, he doesn't get it. He says he gets it,
but he doesn't get it. Oh, I get it. It's great.
And the character only ever says that one thing over
and over. He's got a little repertoire. Now he's almost
(02:01):
he's halfway to a character reel. The other one is
just a collar pole and you say something you can eat. Yeah,
we've talked about that, but this is the newest one.
You I get it. I really couldn't be prouder it.
So that's your proudest thing from this week. That's my
(02:21):
proudest thing from this week for sure. Okay, well, my
proudest thing from this week is that we took the
kids somewhere. Yes, we did. Today. We very randomly took
them to a place called Sequest, which is an aquarium
slash petting zoo in a mall in Connecticut, in Connecticut
(02:42):
and surprisingly only five minutes away from us, which we didn't. Like.
I don't know there, I had no idea until you
texted me yeah, And it's just like, you know, there's
things like that around, but then you're driving like two
hours ago apple picking or something, and you're just like,
like we got we have apples here? Is it really
worth torturing my children to do something sort of fun?
(03:02):
So anyway, this was good because it was like it
was minimal, but it's enough to entertain children, like it
was for their from their perspective, they were being wowed.
They were being wound. They touched a wallaby. They touched
a wallaby. Yeah once the last you touched a wallaby? Listener. Um,
(03:27):
they chicken poop and it was it was fine, But
I will say it was like chaotic in there, and
I kind of knew going in. We picked Martin Luther
King Junior day and it was like everyone's off school
and everyone. I knew it would be crazy, but I
was like, you know, let's just do it. Like so
(03:47):
it could have been worse. Um, but anyway, it was
like there was like what you noticed in those situations
I find is that when it's getting tense, there's like
there's gonna be kids that kind of like melt out
and then you know whatever. But the thing that really
gets under my skin is when the parents are melting
down and you're like, oh my god, like just I
(04:09):
don't know, take the kid out of your can you stop,
Like screaming with everyone. That's like when I'm on an airplane,
I don't get stressed about this stuff. But if I
sit there and people are getting on and I I
start watching them trying to find overhead cabin space for
their bag, and they start getting stressed, and I get
so wrapped up in their drama. Really like a meditative
(04:32):
exercise to be around that many like stressed people and
not like tune into them. Let it go, Let it go. Yeah,
So it was over stimulating, but they saw some cool animals.
There's like just there was a surprising array of animals
that were felt really practical, like just a lot of
lizards and snakes, cabara, a little sloth, sloth full on sloth. Yeah,
(04:59):
you have to buy special tickets to go touch to
the sloth. There was a weird system where they're kind
of like you can go in a lot of these
cages if you just like grab one of us who
works here. But there was like there's like no one
available and there's like eight million people. There'd be like
a line of people to go like stand in this
animal cage for a second. And we opted out that
one hallway was completely clogged and I had to say
(05:22):
excuse me six times in a row. But between these
two guys were facing back to back. Oh my god,
I have to say excuse my generalization, but I've had
a week of men where men are just useless in
these kinds of situations. Like I walked, I had to
walk past the guys. I was like slightly bumped a
guy's backpack because like everyone else there, I'm holding a
(05:44):
child with one hand and I'm getting pulled and I
need to move around and the hallway is too small
and it's but like I like slightly bumped this guy.
But he's standing just in the middle of everything, like
just completely oblivious to his surrounding. The guy probably I
don't know, but he's compeary. He gave me a look
that I was just like, oh, excuse me that I'm
at this place for children like my child. There was
(06:09):
like all these people blocking the way and not letting
parents through with their kids, and the kids were like
sneaking ahead, and there's just like no order. I think
I think it was the same guy. There's just well,
there's just all these people that are like I'm just
going to stand in place in this high traffic area
completely not paying attention, not being aware of your spatial
surroundings is I'm I'm so scared of being in people's
(06:34):
personal space that I get mad when people aren't don't
have the same fear I do. How dare you not
have my fear? Okay, anyway, it was but it was
a success. And then we went to there was like
minimal small food options, so we almost went to the
Cheesecake Factory, which I can't even remember the last time
(06:55):
eight at, but it was packed. And then we found
a little Japanese feared restaurant and while we're sitting are
getting the kids food, Brent was like, this was a
really great idea. Thank you for bringing me here. And
I was like, this is the best lunch ever. Yeah,
he did say. I was like, wow, I feel so
appreciated for one What did he say? He goes, this
(07:16):
is so much better than our regular lunch? Oh yeah,
And then I said what We said, what's your regular
and lunch? And he said peanut butter and chili. This
is way better. Sets me chicken. Yeah, boy, love sets
me chicken. Does not not a lot of interest in
using chopsticks, like I said, she is. She is much
(07:39):
more as a hand eye coordination. She's got it and
he's fine. He's just always too busy, like imagining that
the object is like a creature or it's like, honestly,
what skill is more practical? I mean the chopsticks? I
think maybe. Oh boy, so we did it. We got
(08:04):
out of the house for once. Um. I had a
tough bedtime tonight. Did you hear that? What's going on
in there? Brinton was doing great and then he suddenly
had time with it bed and he went into the
red zone, which is the school school's emotion like emotions labeling.
(08:27):
He went to the red zone, which is anger, frustration.
Wait he told you he went to the red zone. No,
I I had a really bad night with him last night.
I was like my reaction to him was embarrassing and
I just couldn't Like I just had like such a
long day of him not listening to anything, and he
(08:49):
got to a point where he was like kicking me
and I was like tickling him back, and he just
wouldn't stop, and I was just like, you know, you
have to like restrain him. He's like started screaming. I
was just like, you have to stop hitting people. And
I was like, so angry. It's just like, I don't know,
I just couldn't take it anymore. Um. I could tell
(09:10):
he was in that mode, and I was like, I'm
putting my foot down and I'm going to count to three.
But I also I want to remain a soft presence
here because I could see him looking at me, and
I've had a bad day. Just I'm not a bad
it was fine day. I think it's just been a
(09:31):
stressful week. I don't know, there's something always, it seems
seemingly always lately, there's something in the air. But they're like,
I don't know. I feel like the news and the
news coupled with it being winter and everyone being like
inside together. Yeah, so anyway, should we do an update
(09:54):
on the house? Yeah? I mean so, I feel like
we The fearful part of my brain as like we
totally jinxed ourselves. Well, this is why I didn't want
to talk about it, because I didn't want to have
to live out loud the various delays and frustrations. That
is such a privileged thing to complain. We were so certain.
I was so certain that I was like, well, we're
(10:14):
going to sign this contract tomorrow, so let's start talking
about it. I think what's happening is very normal. There's
like some contracts stuff that has to be negotiated, and
the seller is getting emotional about having to sell her house,
which is understandable, and it's just like normal delays, and
she's just sort of taking her time, and I'm getting
(10:37):
more and more paranoid. Well, supposedly she was sick this week,
so yeah, but I just sit here all day long
going some some billionaires going to come in and just
off off a billion dollars. My worst case, I like,
I've my worst case scenario is that like we can't
(10:57):
get these renovations done in time, and then we have
to move in for schools, we have to find a
sublet and like move all of our stuff twice and
or like store it. You know, that's my nightmare scenario.
And so I'm trying to be so patient with this
woman because her position is very relatable and real. But
I'm also like the clock is ticking on these renovations
(11:20):
and I really need to know if this is a
realistic plan for much longer. So, like, are we buying
this house? Yeah, we're trying to figure out school for
next year, and uh, we're doing a family visited to
a school. It's just like my least favorite thing in
the world is like when your whole life is like
experiencing like a domino effect, like where it's hinging on
(11:40):
one thing, one thing, it's I don't know anyway, just
my name signed on a piece of paper and they'll
feel a lot better. Yeah, it'll all be fine. It's
not stressful at all. So yeah, that's what you know.
We've been through this process a few times, and there's
(12:01):
always a certain point where I'm like, oh, we're good. Oh,
this is going to be easy now, And what a joke.
It's never easy. It's always stressful. There's always going to
be something. But at least, um, everyone knows now so
I can talk to everybody about it, just about Yeah
(12:25):
these are everyone feel bad for us. Yeah anyway, so
I just wanted to all be over. Yeah. Yeah, um
we also oh gosh, oh gosh, what did we do?
What are we doing? What do we do? I don't know.
(12:48):
I don't remember anything anymore. I just lost my mind.
I hope you're deleting this apart from the podcast. No,
I won't. This is where real, This is real. This
is where real parenting happens in this moment of what
am I was supposed to be doing something? What am
I supposed to be doing? Don't you feel like since
you became apparent you've completely lost your memory or is
it just moms? I definitely feel like that sometimes it's
(13:13):
I feel like today, I feel like that a hundred percent,
where I know I have so many things to do
and this house thing is looming, and I was just
tired and depressed, and then you walked up to me
tonight I had I had a moment where I had
to literally very earnestly put my face into my hands
(13:34):
and just hold them there for ten seconds where I
just got, you know, this task, And then I got
two emails back to back that we're like, oh, here's
very time sensitive work, things that need to be dealt
with immediately. And then you came up and you're like,
should we make this for dinner? And it almost broke me.
(13:56):
It just feels like, well, I only asked you that
because I was asked you like two hours before you
want to do for dinner? It was a reason something
I did at the time. It's a reasonable question and
just put on top of all of these things that
didn't exist before. I just think there's something about winter
that just makes it so hard to motivate to do anything,
(14:20):
like you know what you mean, like knowing like that
we had to I don't know, it's just that we
had to write. We were writing a letter to the
seller for this house, and I'm like, it's so hard
to try to write like a compassionate letter to someone
that doesn't sound artificial, and like just like trying to
(14:44):
write that out. And thankfully my sister was here and
she's actually like better at that. So I was like dreading,
cracking my laptop open and working on this one. I've
been like offline all weekend and just don't have it
in me to like like I was just my brain.
I was like I need to shut down. I need
to like have some like non screen time with my family.
Um Like, I like opened it up and started looking
(15:08):
at the letter draft and like showing my sister, and
once we started working on it, I was like, oh,
thank god I did this now. And it didn't like
put this off until like eleven pm tonight, when I'm
like completely brain. Oh there's so many things. I mean,
anytime I feel totally overwhelmed with work. It's so hard
to not think about all of it at the same time,
(15:30):
and then it's overwhelming. In those moments, I have to
just drill down and find one thing I can accomplish. Yeah, well,
even making a list, I still I see the whole thing,
And when I'm super overwhelmed, I'm like, I just need
to complete one thing, and if I just focus on it,
(15:51):
I'll forget about the other for a while. And then
when I come back to the list and when thing's gone,
I'm like, this is more manageable. Well, I also think
sometimes you have to let yourself do the like procrastinating
like easy things, just so you start to generate a
sense of accomplishment, like be like, okay, I'm running to
the post office. I'm doing this, like even if it's
not the most like time sensitive thing on your to
(16:15):
do list, Like I just need to clear the clutter.
It's like why sometimes when I wake up in the morning,
if I'm working from home, I might as well just
clean the house the second I wake up, because until
I actually just like give everything a tidying, I'm not
actually getting any work done. It's just like and like
weighed down by like it's I don't know, cleaning cleaning
(16:37):
up is sometimes the yeah best, It's a good break,
like for your brain too. I think to like think
while you're moving, just any sort of accomplished tab I
mean this is also not to go down this road.
But our addiction to technology, addiction to our phones, looking
at your phone all day creates the exact opposite feeling,
(17:00):
which is I have a million tasks and I've accomplished
none of them because your phone tells you got to
go go after all these goodies, these things that there's
no pay off, and so you're just left with the
feeling of I still have things to do, but you'll
never complete them. So putting it down and cleaning the
apartment suddenly having a real tangible task to complete is
(17:22):
my anti antidote. Um my whole life. I wanted to
say antichdote, an antidote. Antidote anecdote is different. I always
I've also also said demon instead of demon my my
(17:45):
cute in uh, what is the word I want to say?
I want to say idiosyncratic video There it is like
when I said, like, do you think you're starting to
(18:07):
lose your mind a little bit? As apparent you were like,
I mean sometimes but not you were like, I know
what I'm talking about. And then you're in the course
of this conversation your brain just fell apart in front
of us. I feel like you lose your mind. No, no,
I never have. But this is like something Donald Trump
(18:29):
did this week. I didn't like, actually click on the
video because no one wants to be triggered. At this point,
we know he's pure garbage, but like he apparently he
started trying to read a teleprompter and he just like
had a brain melt and couldn't read. Like this, this
man is just so broken on every level. Anyway, I
can't I can't go down this road. No one wants
(18:49):
to talk about this. I get it. But did I
just do we just relate to him for a second though?
Did we do that? Never mind, it's not a fun game.
It's not a fun game. It's not a fun game.
I might be having a drink while I'm doing a podcast.
I think he's on some like serious like weird ampheta
means or something. He's like, you might be having a
(19:11):
drink while you're doing a podcast. Was that a related thought? Yeah,
I'm just saying like he's on another level. I think great. Oh,
I might be having a drink on a podcast, but
at least I'm not I might be having a drink
on a podcast, but I'm not crazy. Hey, I might
be having a chrick in a podcast. Okay, anyway, word,
(19:34):
but let's get back on track to UM. Let's get
back on track by ending the segment. And now it's
time for did you know? This is where we share
(19:56):
something um that we've learned, that we've read were past along.
This article was sent to us by listener Aliana Um
and Beth. Yeah. Eleana sent us this with a nice night.
She said, here's an article that seems interesting, though it's
kind of a downer, so no solution is offered, kind
of an owner as no solution is offered. Um, it's true,
(20:19):
but this article is called Scary Mommy. This article is
from Scary Mommy. It's called what It's Like to Parent
Without a Village by Elizabeth Bradbent. And I'll read the
first paragraph here. Um, it's six am, back in the nineties,
and I've just woken with a fever. Back then, in
(20:40):
the small town propped up by a steel mill and
sadness a lack of opportunity and a lack of hope.
My mother would pick up the phone, call her mother
and say, Mom, one of the kids is sick. Can
you keep her? And I would be some summarily packed off,
sniffing and sneezing to my grandmother's mom. Mom fed me
buttered toast and read Tom's Lawyer Allowed until I fell asleep.
(21:02):
I watched Gilligan's Island and Eight Saltines. My brother spent
his yearly battles with seasonal bronchitis sleeping on my paternal
grandmother's pull out. We had a village. Um, and then
it just kind of goes on, um talking about sort
of I think what we're all familiar with, these more
tight knit communities that people used to have where they
(21:22):
would live close to their other relatives and have more
of a support system. Um. Anyway, I thought it was
an interesting essay. Um, it is, like I do think.
I mean, obviously a lot of people have pointed this
out that like in the past, women had a village,
and then when women entered the workflow force, nothing really
like came into support that, and now we're all just
(21:45):
doing like ten times as much work trying to like
figure it out. So and also millennials have migrated sort
of away from their hometowns more than past generations. Yeah,
I very much related to this. As the article goes on,
and she's like, and now my husband and I both work,
and suddenly I read in the school schedule is impossible
(22:06):
to read and suddenly realized I have to go to
an orientation in the middle of the day. Uh, and
you have to get off work and a last minute babysitter.
You're spending dollars and there's not that, oh you just
dropped them at your your siblings, if your grandfo. I
grew up two blocks from my grandparents in one direction
(22:27):
and two blocks of my other grandparents in the other direction,
and U uh is that? Yeah? Is that? And and
now it's like you have to get someone to watch
your kids, and it's always complicated. It's been five years
and it's still complicated. Right, There's not like there's I
think obviously, I think you can get a lot of
(22:48):
help if you have the money for it. But like
they're never going to have sort of the same dialogue
as like your friend or your sister, who are like aunt,
who this person who comes over and just like knows
the kid, it knows the deal. We'll figure it out.
We'll talk to you like you know what I well,
we do have that with one person with your sister.
Is that one person village for us? Who is who
(23:10):
is part of the reason we want to move back
to Brooklyn to be closer to her, but also to
your brother and his wife. Was also going to be
more reasonable like yeah, I can watch their kid because
they're they're twenty minutes away, it is an hour. It's
interesting because, like the decision to move back, every time
we move, I feel like it's sort of a really
(23:31):
vulnerable decision because I feel like inevitably everyone you know
is kind of judging you. And I do feel like
there's a part maybe this is just my own paranoia,
and I feel like the way people react it feels
sometimes as though they're like, oh, so you were wrong
to move to Westchester, And for me, I feel like
(23:51):
very defensive, like because I think it was the right
move for us at the time with our budget, etcetera.
But anyway, I just feel like the one way I
like I can sell people on this decision that like
no one questions is when I'm like they're like why
are you doing this? Because like they're confused, Like people
who have moved up to Westchester, They're like, why would
you leave? And when I'm like, well, we want to
(24:13):
be near our family, They're like, oh, yeah, of course,
Like you know, like that's funny, I mean, because I don't. Uh.
I mean, this is also probably a big gendered thing
when I think you feel more pressure, you feel more
pressure that people are judging you as a as a
parent than I am. I feel maybe it is as
(24:34):
a woman that I feel more judged in general, but
I feel like every major life decision I've made, like
I feel like most of the people around me were
like what are you doing? Like people like people are like, oh,
you're getting married at the age of twenty four, you
must be a complete idiot, like like, and I was like, yeah,
I understand that reaction, but like the I think the
(24:56):
boldness with which people will be like openly critical of
your life to well, I think that's probably true. I
do think also, you're more sensitive to that sort of thing,
so and I'm and I'm naturally blind to it. So
we have very different experiences because I don't ever think
(25:17):
it's impossible for me not to see what people's actual
reaction is in the moment, like their emotional reaction is
like they're like, I mean, I don't ever care what
people think. People have questions, they don't they don't understand why,
but I don't ever perceive No part of me is
like do they like that I'm doing this? Yeah, I
(25:38):
mean I think just I'm so I just love attention
so much that it just feels positive to me, and
I'm like, oh, I'm so excited. I'm so excited to
tell people about myself that I don't have room to
notice what they think about it. Well, this is what
I think was interesting of like we're trying to write
(25:58):
this letter to the seller, where it's like crafting this
thing that's compassionate but not too specific and not presuming
anything about this person. Like I feel like my sister
was really helpful at that because she works in like
a local New York politics and I think she kind
of understands like how do you phrase something, how do
(26:18):
you present it or market it or whatever? And I
feel like sort of somewhat familiar with you know, branding whatever.
But like your assumptions I think or did were very
much less trying to sell the other person and just
being like, I want to say what how I feel
(26:40):
exactly in this moment. It's like, you're not my impulses
to get people to love me and my impulse, but
what a beautiful family wants to move into this house.
But I don't think you're like seeing the other side
of it. Hey, did you notice that I kept myself
(27:03):
out of the conversation, which I would have been completely
happy to do this whole project by myself, but I
think we both knew it wasn't going to land that way.
So well, it's a sensitive situation. It's this woman who
clearly is like very sad to be leaving her house
she lived in, which is understandable, And so I do
(27:23):
feel very like wary of the way we present like, hey,
we're this family coming in to take your house and
have a happy life together, Like like you can't you
have to phrase these things so that you're not like
so that you're sensitive to what this person is clearly
going through. No, I understand. I think I understand a
(27:46):
lot better than you give me credit for. Um, But
I'm I'm also accept the criticisms of this theoretical letter
that I did not write, Um, I know exactly how
I would be good at it and where I would
be blind. But speaking of the village, this is exactly this.
(28:10):
I like. I read this article and it again reaffirmed
how excited I am to move back to our village.
I mean, right, because we have friends in Brooklyn, we don't.
We have friends in Memericck that we've met since we
moved here. But they're not like our core friends. Yeah,
they're not somebody I would call to like talk about
my problems. Um, so it's just nice to be like
(28:35):
we can move to a place where, like if one
of us was like having a hard day and I
was like, I really would love to go out and
get one drink with my friend, that the other person
could be like, it's not It's only gonna take you
like two hours. Yeah, go do that. Like our kids
are now three and five, and so I'm going to
ignore them while you're gone anyway. Yeah, well, yeah, it's
(28:57):
going to be so much better. But he says, keep
getting I'm confident we'll find something else to be stressed
out about once are perfect life forms around us. Oh yeah,
I'm already stressed about a lot of the details that
I haven't fully thought about yet anyway, but yeah, how
do you do? That's just the difference is like we
(29:20):
have people here now that if we're in a jam,
we can there's some people we can call who can
like watch one of our kids and would trade favors.
But it's it's stressful. I don't want to do that,
and if I do, then I stress that I'm like
I asked too much of them, and it's like we
haven't built up a lot of credit with them in
(29:42):
terms of returning that favor. Like we're like I think
we're kind of like split even that's the thing was
I feel like we have to keep score. Yeah, I
know they're worried about it too, because well just because
I feel like they're busy and we're busy. So if
they were just unloading their kids on us all the time,
like both we would feel put upon them. But if
(30:02):
my brother did it, I'm like I wouldn't think twice.
I'm a great my sister, and I'm like, we all
have fevers and I just need you to come here
and bring us gatorade. Like she's like that's her job
as my sister to walk into our germ den and
do that it's also you know, with your family, I
can be like, hey, can you do this favor? And
(30:23):
my brother will say no if it's a doesn't fit
or it's annoying, Whereas I'm so scared of asking somebody
for a favor and they say yes, and I never
find out that they didn't want to say yes, Like
I don't want I don't want to feel that. I
don't even want to worry that. That's true. Yeah, that's
(30:46):
the village. You don't think twice that the village is
there for you. I mean, I think people find their
people with that. I just don't think. I don't we
have we don't have that here quite yet. Yeah, And
obviously I think some people listening would relate to this
a lot there and some people really wouldn't because they
do have that. Did We talk about the article a
(31:07):
few months back where like people were kind of creating
almost like little compounds. But it was like this one
group of friends who had just kind of like purposely
bought properties on the same block, so it was like
three or four families like right around across the street
from each other, and they would just like always be
kind of like handing off their kids to each other,
(31:28):
running to do something, doing like a big family dinner
with all the families and just like kind of splitting
the Was it a commune, No, but they like jokingly
called it like a commune, you know what I mean.
It was like not, it was more just like regular
people who like kind of made a point to live
close together. And I was like, it's so smart. Do
you remember one of those It's one of those like
(31:50):
the world's most incredible architecture, like how the most extraordinary houses,
And there's one that's it's like these two sisters ors
built at these two houses in a way that has
this like communal courtyard in the middle, and they're connected,
(32:12):
but they're also designed perfectly so they face completely away
from each other. So you have your own unique, independent house,
and then you also have it's a it's a it's
a really tiny micro village. And I didn't think about
it that way then. But not thinking about this, I'm like, yes,
I want the people. I want to be able to
rely on people, and then also to have my space. Yeah,
(32:35):
the only way I could do it is if I
had completely like my own private property and space, because
I don't, like, I really don't want like a communal
eating situation on a daily basis. I don't want to
be like in people's face at like ten pm, like
I just want Like we we went to our good
(32:56):
friend's birthday party and we were talking about this, and
we're talking about just you know, we most almost everyone
we know, including ourselves right now, live in apartments, and
so many of our friends also still have roommates. And
it was just hearing friends talking about roommates and how
(33:17):
they came were talking about like weird rent situations they
had in the past where they had like crazy low
rent but like totally dysfunctional living situations where they were
like living with their ex girlfriend and stuff like like you,
but someone else had a similar story, and it's like you,
when you live in New York, you get it because
it's just like so much money down the drain rent
(33:40):
all the time. We'd explain this to people a lot
that when we started dating, I was sharing a room
with my ex girlfriend who had broken up with six
months earlier. And everyone's like why and I'm like, oh,
I paid three rent and they're like, oh, never move. Yeah,
so I made some I mean, you got it. You
(34:01):
weren't weird it up by it. I think, no, the
three in rent makes sense. You also were like barely
employed if at all, so I was like, yeah, he
shouldn't be like raising his rent right now and I
was basically living with you. Yeah, so so thank you
for that. By the way I figured it out, crushing it.
(34:21):
It did probably accelerate our moving in process though that
it was like probably most definitely, well at least was
up and I'm like, I'm not going to resign this lease. Yeah.
Well I was also like, I'm not just it's going
to keep housing you every night of the week without
you sharing this rent. So that's also true. Well so
(34:44):
that my X and I, who's now one of my
dearest friends, we both started dating other people about the
exact same time and share that room, so neither one
of us were ever there, and then we both ended
up marrying those people. It's crazy. This segment is called
(35:13):
Listeners Want to Knows, where we take questions and comments
from you guys. This is a comment. This comes to
us from steps. The comment just not a question. It's
a comment from Stephanie subject line podcast review. So I
want to preface this by saying, if you're new to
the podcast. We have periodically UM asked our listeners to
(35:36):
rate and review the podcast, and Beth will make up
a subject line that people should use when reviewing the podcast.
So we've had such classics as this podcast got me pregnant, uh,
this podcast slaps um so you know, all really good
suggestions for podcast review. I can't believe. I can't what
(36:00):
the first one was anyway from Stephanie. I posted this
review on iTunes, but I wanted to email it to
you guys as well, just to make sure that you
know the impact your podcast is having on the world.
Smiley face. Congrats on the new house, don't I shouldn't
have said anything. We haven't signed a contract yet. I
(36:23):
know you. You say these things as if they're happening,
and now we have to sit in the unknown. We
don't know, Peter, we don't know. All right, here's the
subject blind of the review. Are you ready? This podcast
got me pregnant? Literally? I've been waiting a long time
to write this emault. I've been a fan of of
(36:45):
Beth and Peter's family since I heard the hosts of
The Lost Culturista's podcast refer to Brynn as their favorite
living comedian for their suggestion if you don't listen to
loss culture ristas with bon Yang and Matt Rogers or
our friends and and very very funny comedians, you should
um for their suggestion. I looked up Beth and Peter's
(37:09):
Instagram accounts and immediately fell in love with their hilarious,
adorable children, So naturally, I was thrilled when I heard
they were starting a parenting podcast, and it did not disappoint.
Getting a peek into Beth and Peter's lives with their
kids helped me realize what I was missing out on
by not having kids of my own. My husband and
(37:29):
I decided it was finally time to take the leap,
and we're expecting our first baby in May and it's
a brand ak boy. I love you guys, and I
love the podcast, even though I sound crazy when I'm
trying to repeat funny Brannan Maven stories to friends, but
I have to explain I don't know these kids in
real life, just through a podcast. Stephanie, Wow, we did it, Beth,
(37:54):
we fucking did it. I hope that kid is a
good kid. Uh what, That's a great thing. That's a
great thing to say when somebody says, Hey, I'm pregnant
having a baby. Wow, I hope that kid is a
good kid. Kind of feel like we altered the timeline,
So I just hope we did good. I Um, well,
(38:15):
I'd say the quality of the child is on them
at this point. Yeah. No, it was a nice email.
I'm sure she's a nice person. She'll raise a good kid.
At some point when the terminator comes, that kid will
save us or that kid will be targeted because they're
the savior of the world. And so I'm sorry, Stephanie,
with the terminators are coming forward, you your bread anyway,
(38:38):
That's so cool, that's really exciting. Wow, this podcast got
me pregnant, literally were I hope you know, Stephanie, we're
taking full credit. I know. I hope you understand. When
you tell my husband give him an inch, he'll take
a mile. He's burying this. I'm running a marathon. He's right.
(39:00):
The responsibility for your child's existence now for all eternity. Hey,
if you give me a gift, I'm going to use
that gift. It's my gift, it's your gift. I think
we should give a little credit to the woman who's
going to be pregnant and carrying the baby, and you know,
(39:22):
I just remembering it. I just remembered with the other
subject line. We asked people to review our podcast for
which is a sexy podcast for parents? Which was We
got a lot of reviews. Oh yeah, it is a
sexy podcast for parents, And because you're not a parent,
it starts to make things so sexy you become a parent.
(39:43):
Sometimes it's a parent that this podcast makes you a parent. No,
you gotta workshop that first draft, final draft. I think
if you write an or a few this week, it
should be I scream, you scream, we all scream for kids?
Question mak um, I scream, you scream, we all scream
(40:08):
for kids. It's an exclamation point in there too? Is
it a t in taro bang? You know what in
taro bang is? It's a question mark end exclamation point.
You scream, I scream, we all scream for kids. Oh,
(40:29):
I get it. I'm just drinking a beer on a podcast.
I'm just I'm just drinking a beer in a podcast.
But I get it. This is the part of the
podcast where we just remixed the rest of the episode,
where we just take things we learned signing the contract.
I get it. Takes the village. My friends and I
(40:52):
have a conversational callback that I don't remember the origins
of anymore. But we just say, clear your cash, Clear
your cash, Clear your cash. Yeah, it's just sort of like,
I don't know, it's a good like glitchy closer, you know,
when things were going haywire. So when it's like I
(41:13):
don't know what I'm talking about any clear just to
clear my cash, I'm running sluggish. I don't overthink it.
You're not going to get it. You're in on it.
So just I didn't hear it used in the wild,
you know, I heard it in a clinical content would
have to be there. I wasn't. I'm not invited into
(41:36):
the room where it happens. I'm so sorry that I
did that. I'm so sorry. I like, it wouldn't bother
me if this podcast became something where we just quote
Hamilton's lyrics out of the blue all the time. But
I don't know if people would appreciate. I don't know.
(41:57):
I'm not not thrown away my shot. That's all saying.
What if this was just this podcast just became like
Mulan rouge in what sense that just dying of cholera? Yes,
that is your diag of cholera. You just remax mixed
(42:18):
pop songs into I don't I gotta clear the cash?
Did I do it right? They do it right? Um.
I was trying to think of some lyrics from Mulan
Rouge to sing and I couldn't ebody FEUs. I just
(42:43):
I just went from Elton John to Oasis accidentally. Well,
those songs are Medley's, I know. Well, that's it is.
It's a very Mulan Rouge thing to do, just getting
in the vibe of Mulan Rouge. I'm just trying to
think of more Hamilton's songs, but I'm there's too much pressure,
(43:05):
there's not Yeah, anyway, let's this is not? Is this
good content? Please write, review, subscribe You scream my scream
for kids. This has been another episode of We Knows Parenting.
If you'd like to right in to ask us a question,
we'd love another. Would you know scenarios? Send us say
(43:26):
hypothetical nightmare parenting situation. We'd love to unpack it. Yeah.
Email us at we Knows pod at gmail dot com,
or you can leave us a voicemail at three four
seven three eight four seven three nine six. Find us
on Instagram. We know SPoD um. You can find Beth
in my cell my instagrams as well through there um, Facebook,
(43:50):
on Twitter and leave us a review. I Scream, Us Scream,
We all scream for kids on iTunes five stars. You
know all that all that good stuff. We'd love it
and have yourself a great night. Please please please bye
bye
I got to say, welcome to We Knows Parenting and
Peter McNerney Beth and we're married and we have kids,
and that's why we're here to talk about parenting. This
podcast is all business. We take parenting very seriously. There's
(00:30):
a right way to do it, and we know our
bio masters of parenting. Oh okay we should um, yeah,
we should occasionally check in and say what the point
of the whole podcast is. We have two kids, there's
now three and three quarters. I just mean we Knows parenting.
The sort of philosophy of this podcast is like we
(00:51):
don't really knows, and no one really knows, so we're
just kind of nosing our way around it. Uh um.
That was the most best sync description of this podcast
I've heard since the last one. What happened this week?
I say my highlight of the week right after Bad
(01:12):
Beth is Brita's newest character, oh Man, who's pretending to
understand that he gets Man, pretending he gets it, and
he just goes, oh I get it, and he puts
his shoulders up. He does it in a really weird voice,
so it's like he's like, oh, I get it. And
(01:40):
then he was talking about the character later and he
was like, he doesn't get it. He says he gets it,
but he doesn't get it. Oh, I get it. It's great.
And the character only ever says that one thing over
and over. He's got a little repertoire. Now he's almost
(02:01):
he's halfway to a character reel. The other one is
just a collar pole and you say something you can eat. Yeah,
we've talked about that, but this is the newest one.
You I get it. I really couldn't be prouder it.
So that's your proudest thing from this week. That's my
(02:21):
proudest thing from this week for sure. Okay, well, my
proudest thing from this week is that we took the
kids somewhere. Yes, we did. Today. We very randomly took
them to a place called Sequest, which is an aquarium
slash petting zoo in a mall in Connecticut, in Connecticut
(02:42):
and surprisingly only five minutes away from us, which we didn't. Like.
I don't know there, I had no idea until you
texted me yeah, And it's just like, you know, there's
things like that around, but then you're driving like two
hours ago apple picking or something, and you're just like,
like we got we have apples here? Is it really
worth torturing my children to do something sort of fun?
(03:02):
So anyway, this was good because it was like it
was minimal, but it's enough to entertain children, like it
was for their from their perspective, they were being wowed.
They were being wound. They touched a wallaby. They touched
a wallaby. Yeah once the last you touched a wallaby? Listener. Um,
(03:27):
they chicken poop and it was it was fine, But
I will say it was like chaotic in there, and
I kind of knew going in. We picked Martin Luther
King Junior day and it was like everyone's off school
and everyone. I knew it would be crazy, but I
was like, you know, let's just do it. Like so
(03:47):
it could have been worse. Um, but anyway, it was
like there was like what you noticed in those situations
I find is that when it's getting tense, there's like
there's gonna be kids that kind of like melt out
and then you know whatever. But the thing that really
gets under my skin is when the parents are melting
down and you're like, oh my god, like just I
(04:09):
don't know, take the kid out of your can you stop,
Like screaming with everyone. That's like when I'm on an airplane,
I don't get stressed about this stuff. But if I
sit there and people are getting on and I I
start watching them trying to find overhead cabin space for
their bag, and they start getting stressed, and I get
so wrapped up in their drama. Really like a meditative
(04:32):
exercise to be around that many like stressed people and
not like tune into them. Let it go, Let it go. Yeah,
So it was over stimulating, but they saw some cool animals.
There's like just there was a surprising array of animals
that were felt really practical, like just a lot of
lizards and snakes, cabara, a little sloth, sloth full on sloth. Yeah,
(04:59):
you have to buy special tickets to go touch to
the sloth. There was a weird system where they're kind
of like you can go in a lot of these
cages if you just like grab one of us who
works here. But there was like there's like no one
available and there's like eight million people. There'd be like
a line of people to go like stand in this
animal cage for a second. And we opted out that
one hallway was completely clogged and I had to say
(05:22):
excuse me six times in a row. But between these
two guys were facing back to back. Oh my god,
I have to say excuse my generalization, but I've had
a week of men where men are just useless in
these kinds of situations. Like I walked, I had to
walk past the guys. I was like slightly bumped a
guy's backpack because like everyone else there, I'm holding a
(05:44):
child with one hand and I'm getting pulled and I
need to move around and the hallway is too small
and it's but like I like slightly bumped this guy.
But he's standing just in the middle of everything, like
just completely oblivious to his surrounding. The guy probably I
don't know, but he's compeary. He gave me a look
that I was just like, oh, excuse me that I'm
at this place for children like my child. There was
(06:09):
like all these people blocking the way and not letting
parents through with their kids, and the kids were like
sneaking ahead, and there's just like no order. I think
I think it was the same guy. There's just well,
there's just all these people that are like I'm just
going to stand in place in this high traffic area
completely not paying attention, not being aware of your spatial
surroundings is I'm I'm so scared of being in people's
(06:34):
personal space that I get mad when people aren't don't
have the same fear I do. How dare you not
have my fear? Okay, anyway, it was but it was
a success. And then we went to there was like
minimal small food options, so we almost went to the
Cheesecake Factory, which I can't even remember the last time
(06:55):
eight at, but it was packed. And then we found
a little Japanese feared restaurant and while we're sitting are
getting the kids food, Brent was like, this was a
really great idea. Thank you for bringing me here. And
I was like, this is the best lunch ever. Yeah,
he did say. I was like, wow, I feel so
appreciated for one What did he say? He goes, this
(07:16):
is so much better than our regular lunch? Oh yeah,
And then I said what We said, what's your regular
and lunch? And he said peanut butter and chili. This
is way better. Sets me chicken. Yeah, boy, love sets
me chicken. Does not not a lot of interest in
using chopsticks, like I said, she is. She is much
(07:39):
more as a hand eye coordination. She's got it and
he's fine. He's just always too busy, like imagining that
the object is like a creature or it's like, honestly,
what skill is more practical? I mean the chopsticks? I
think maybe. Oh boy, so we did it. We got
(08:04):
out of the house for once. Um. I had a
tough bedtime tonight. Did you hear that? What's going on
in there? Brinton was doing great and then he suddenly
had time with it bed and he went into the
red zone, which is the school school's emotion like emotions labeling.
(08:27):
He went to the red zone, which is anger, frustration.
Wait he told you he went to the red zone. No,
I I had a really bad night with him last night.
I was like my reaction to him was embarrassing and
I just couldn't Like I just had like such a
long day of him not listening to anything, and he
(08:49):
got to a point where he was like kicking me
and I was like tickling him back, and he just
wouldn't stop, and I was just like, you know, you
have to like restrain him. He's like started screaming. I
was just like, you have to stop hitting people. And
I was like, so angry. It's just like, I don't know,
I just couldn't take it anymore. Um. I could tell
(09:10):
he was in that mode, and I was like, I'm
putting my foot down and I'm going to count to three.
But I also I want to remain a soft presence
here because I could see him looking at me, and
I've had a bad day. Just I'm not a bad
it was fine day. I think it's just been a
(09:31):
stressful week. I don't know, there's something always, it seems
seemingly always lately, there's something in the air. But they're like,
I don't know. I feel like the news and the
news coupled with it being winter and everyone being like
inside together. Yeah, so anyway, should we do an update
(09:54):
on the house? Yeah? I mean so, I feel like
we The fearful part of my brain as like we
totally jinxed ourselves. Well, this is why I didn't want
to talk about it, because I didn't want to have
to live out loud the various delays and frustrations. That
is such a privileged thing to complain. We were so certain.
I was so certain that I was like, well, we're
(10:14):
going to sign this contract tomorrow, so let's start talking
about it. I think what's happening is very normal. There's
like some contracts stuff that has to be negotiated, and
the seller is getting emotional about having to sell her house,
which is understandable, and it's just like normal delays, and
she's just sort of taking her time, and I'm getting
(10:37):
more and more paranoid. Well, supposedly she was sick this week,
so yeah, but I just sit here all day long
going some some billionaires going to come in and just
off off a billion dollars. My worst case, I like,
I've my worst case scenario is that like we can't
(10:57):
get these renovations done in time, and then we have
to move in for schools, we have to find a
sublet and like move all of our stuff twice and
or like store it. You know, that's my nightmare scenario.
And so I'm trying to be so patient with this
woman because her position is very relatable and real. But
I'm also like the clock is ticking on these renovations
(11:20):
and I really need to know if this is a
realistic plan for much longer. So, like, are we buying
this house? Yeah, we're trying to figure out school for
next year, and uh, we're doing a family visited to
a school. It's just like my least favorite thing in
the world is like when your whole life is like
experiencing like a domino effect, like where it's hinging on
(11:40):
one thing, one thing, it's I don't know anyway, just
my name signed on a piece of paper and they'll
feel a lot better. Yeah, it'll all be fine. It's
not stressful at all. So yeah, that's what you know.
We've been through this process a few times, and there's
(12:01):
always a certain point where I'm like, oh, we're good. Oh,
this is going to be easy now, And what a joke.
It's never easy. It's always stressful. There's always going to
be something. But at least, um, everyone knows now so
I can talk to everybody about it, just about Yeah
(12:25):
these are everyone feel bad for us. Yeah anyway, so
I just wanted to all be over. Yeah. Yeah, um
we also oh gosh, oh gosh, what did we do?
What are we doing? What do we do? I don't know.
(12:48):
I don't remember anything anymore. I just lost my mind.
I hope you're deleting this apart from the podcast. No,
I won't. This is where real, This is real. This
is where real parenting happens in this moment of what
am I was supposed to be doing something? What am
I supposed to be doing? Don't you feel like since
you became apparent you've completely lost your memory or is
it just moms? I definitely feel like that sometimes it's
(13:13):
I feel like today, I feel like that a hundred percent,
where I know I have so many things to do
and this house thing is looming, and I was just
tired and depressed, and then you walked up to me
tonight I had I had a moment where I had
to literally very earnestly put my face into my hands
(13:34):
and just hold them there for ten seconds where I
just got, you know, this task, And then I got
two emails back to back that we're like, oh, here's
very time sensitive work, things that need to be dealt
with immediately. And then you came up and you're like,
should we make this for dinner? And it almost broke me.
(13:56):
It just feels like, well, I only asked you that
because I was asked you like two hours before you
want to do for dinner? It was a reason something
I did at the time. It's a reasonable question and
just put on top of all of these things that
didn't exist before. I just think there's something about winter
that just makes it so hard to motivate to do anything,
(14:20):
like you know what you mean, like knowing like that
we had to I don't know, it's just that we
had to write. We were writing a letter to the
seller for this house, and I'm like, it's so hard
to try to write like a compassionate letter to someone
that doesn't sound artificial, and like just like trying to
(14:44):
write that out. And thankfully my sister was here and
she's actually like better at that. So I was like dreading,
cracking my laptop open and working on this one. I've
been like offline all weekend and just don't have it
in me to like like I was just my brain.
I was like I need to shut down. I need
to like have some like non screen time with my family.
Um Like, I like opened it up and started looking
(15:08):
at the letter draft and like showing my sister, and
once we started working on it, I was like, oh,
thank god I did this now. And it didn't like
put this off until like eleven pm tonight, when I'm
like completely brain. Oh there's so many things. I mean,
anytime I feel totally overwhelmed with work. It's so hard
to not think about all of it at the same time,
(15:30):
and then it's overwhelming. In those moments, I have to
just drill down and find one thing I can accomplish. Yeah, well,
even making a list, I still I see the whole thing,
And when I'm super overwhelmed, I'm like, I just need
to complete one thing, and if I just focus on it,
(15:51):
I'll forget about the other for a while. And then
when I come back to the list and when thing's gone,
I'm like, this is more manageable. Well, I also think
sometimes you have to let yourself do the like procrastinating
like easy things, just so you start to generate a
sense of accomplishment, like be like, okay, I'm running to
the post office. I'm doing this, like even if it's
not the most like time sensitive thing on your to
(16:15):
do list, Like I just need to clear the clutter.
It's like why sometimes when I wake up in the morning,
if I'm working from home, I might as well just
clean the house the second I wake up, because until
I actually just like give everything a tidying, I'm not
actually getting any work done. It's just like and like
weighed down by like it's I don't know, cleaning cleaning
(16:37):
up is sometimes the yeah best, It's a good break,
like for your brain too. I think to like think
while you're moving, just any sort of accomplished tab I
mean this is also not to go down this road.
But our addiction to technology, addiction to our phones, looking
at your phone all day creates the exact opposite feeling,
(17:00):
which is I have a million tasks and I've accomplished
none of them because your phone tells you got to
go go after all these goodies, these things that there's
no pay off, and so you're just left with the
feeling of I still have things to do, but you'll
never complete them. So putting it down and cleaning the
apartment suddenly having a real tangible task to complete is
(17:22):
my anti antidote. Um my whole life. I wanted to
say antichdote, an antidote. Antidote anecdote is different. I always
I've also also said demon instead of demon my my
(17:45):
cute in uh, what is the word I want to say?
I want to say idiosyncratic video There it is like
when I said, like, do you think you're starting to
(18:07):
lose your mind a little bit? As apparent you were like,
I mean sometimes but not you were like, I know
what I'm talking about. And then you're in the course
of this conversation your brain just fell apart in front
of us. I feel like you lose your mind. No, no,
I never have. But this is like something Donald Trump
(18:29):
did this week. I didn't like, actually click on the
video because no one wants to be triggered. At this point,
we know he's pure garbage, but like he apparently he
started trying to read a teleprompter and he just like
had a brain melt and couldn't read. Like this, this
man is just so broken on every level. Anyway, I
can't I can't go down this road. No one wants
(18:49):
to talk about this. I get it. But did I
just do we just relate to him for a second though?
Did we do that? Never mind, it's not a fun game.
It's not a fun game. It's not a fun game.
I might be having a drink while I'm doing a podcast.
I think he's on some like serious like weird ampheta
means or something. He's like, you might be having a
(19:11):
drink while you're doing a podcast. Was that a related thought? Yeah,
I'm just saying like he's on another level. I think great. Oh,
I might be having a drink on a podcast, but
at least I'm not I might be having a drink
on a podcast, but I'm not crazy. Hey, I might
be having a chrick in a podcast. Okay, anyway, word,
(19:34):
but let's get back on track to UM. Let's get
back on track by ending the segment. And now it's
time for did you know? This is where we share
(19:56):
something um that we've learned, that we've read were past along.
This article was sent to us by listener Aliana Um
and Beth. Yeah. Eleana sent us this with a nice night.
She said, here's an article that seems interesting, though it's
kind of a downer, so no solution is offered, kind
of an owner as no solution is offered. Um, it's true,
(20:19):
but this article is called Scary Mommy. This article is
from Scary Mommy. It's called what It's Like to Parent
Without a Village by Elizabeth Bradbent. And I'll read the
first paragraph here. Um, it's six am, back in the nineties,
and I've just woken with a fever. Back then, in
(20:40):
the small town propped up by a steel mill and
sadness a lack of opportunity and a lack of hope.
My mother would pick up the phone, call her mother
and say, Mom, one of the kids is sick. Can
you keep her? And I would be some summarily packed off,
sniffing and sneezing to my grandmother's mom. Mom fed me
buttered toast and read Tom's Lawyer Allowed until I fell asleep.
(21:02):
I watched Gilligan's Island and Eight Saltines. My brother spent
his yearly battles with seasonal bronchitis sleeping on my paternal
grandmother's pull out. We had a village. Um, and then
it just kind of goes on, um talking about sort
of I think what we're all familiar with, these more
tight knit communities that people used to have where they
(21:22):
would live close to their other relatives and have more
of a support system. Um. Anyway, I thought it was
an interesting essay. Um, it is, like I do think.
I mean, obviously a lot of people have pointed this
out that like in the past, women had a village,
and then when women entered the workflow force, nothing really
like came into support that, and now we're all just
(21:45):
doing like ten times as much work trying to like
figure it out. So and also millennials have migrated sort
of away from their hometowns more than past generations. Yeah,
I very much related to this. As the article goes on,
and she's like, and now my husband and I both work,
and suddenly I read in the school schedule is impossible
(22:06):
to read and suddenly realized I have to go to
an orientation in the middle of the day. Uh, and
you have to get off work and a last minute babysitter.
You're spending dollars and there's not that, oh you just
dropped them at your your siblings, if your grandfo. I
grew up two blocks from my grandparents in one direction
(22:27):
and two blocks of my other grandparents in the other direction,
and U uh is that? Yeah? Is that? And and
now it's like you have to get someone to watch
your kids, and it's always complicated. It's been five years
and it's still complicated. Right, There's not like there's I
think obviously, I think you can get a lot of
(22:48):
help if you have the money for it. But like
they're never going to have sort of the same dialogue
as like your friend or your sister, who are like aunt,
who this person who comes over and just like knows
the kid, it knows the deal. We'll figure it out.
We'll talk to you like you know what I well,
we do have that with one person with your sister.
Is that one person village for us? Who is who
(23:10):
is part of the reason we want to move back
to Brooklyn to be closer to her, but also to
your brother and his wife. Was also going to be
more reasonable like yeah, I can watch their kid because
they're they're twenty minutes away, it is an hour. It's
interesting because, like the decision to move back, every time
we move, I feel like it's sort of a really
(23:31):
vulnerable decision because I feel like inevitably everyone you know
is kind of judging you. And I do feel like
there's a part maybe this is just my own paranoia,
and I feel like the way people react it feels
sometimes as though they're like, oh, so you were wrong
to move to Westchester, And for me, I feel like
(23:51):
very defensive, like because I think it was the right
move for us at the time with our budget, etcetera.
But anyway, I just feel like the one way I
like I can sell people on this decision that like
no one questions is when I'm like they're like why
are you doing this? Because like they're confused, Like people
who have moved up to Westchester, They're like, why would
you leave? And when I'm like, well, we want to
(24:13):
be near our family, They're like, oh, yeah, of course,
Like you know, like that's funny, I mean, because I don't. Uh.
I mean, this is also probably a big gendered thing
when I think you feel more pressure, you feel more
pressure that people are judging you as a as a
parent than I am. I feel maybe it is as
(24:34):
a woman that I feel more judged in general, but
I feel like every major life decision I've made, like
I feel like most of the people around me were
like what are you doing? Like people like people are like, oh,
you're getting married at the age of twenty four, you
must be a complete idiot, like like, and I was like, yeah,
I understand that reaction, but like the I think the
(24:56):
boldness with which people will be like openly critical of
your life to well, I think that's probably true. I
do think also, you're more sensitive to that sort of thing,
so and I'm and I'm naturally blind to it. So
we have very different experiences because I don't ever think
(25:17):
it's impossible for me not to see what people's actual
reaction is in the moment, like their emotional reaction is
like they're like, I mean, I don't ever care what
people think. People have questions, they don't they don't understand why,
but I don't ever perceive No part of me is
like do they like that I'm doing this? Yeah, I
(25:38):
mean I think just I'm so I just love attention
so much that it just feels positive to me, and
I'm like, oh, I'm so excited. I'm so excited to
tell people about myself that I don't have room to
notice what they think about it. Well, this is what
I think was interesting of like we're trying to write
(25:58):
this letter to the seller, where it's like crafting this
thing that's compassionate but not too specific and not presuming
anything about this person. Like I feel like my sister
was really helpful at that because she works in like
a local New York politics and I think she kind
of understands like how do you phrase something, how do
(26:18):
you present it or market it or whatever? And I
feel like sort of somewhat familiar with you know, branding whatever.
But like your assumptions I think or did were very
much less trying to sell the other person and just
being like, I want to say what how I feel
(26:40):
exactly in this moment. It's like, you're not my impulses
to get people to love me and my impulse, but
what a beautiful family wants to move into this house.
But I don't think you're like seeing the other side
of it. Hey, did you notice that I kept myself
(27:03):
out of the conversation, which I would have been completely
happy to do this whole project by myself, but I
think we both knew it wasn't going to land that way.
So well, it's a sensitive situation. It's this woman who
clearly is like very sad to be leaving her house
she lived in, which is understandable, And so I do
(27:23):
feel very like wary of the way we present like, hey,
we're this family coming in to take your house and
have a happy life together, Like like you can't you
have to phrase these things so that you're not like
so that you're sensitive to what this person is clearly
going through. No, I understand. I think I understand a
(27:46):
lot better than you give me credit for. Um, But
I'm I'm also accept the criticisms of this theoretical letter
that I did not write, Um, I know exactly how
I would be good at it and where I would
be blind. But speaking of the village, this is exactly this.
(28:10):
I like. I read this article and it again reaffirmed
how excited I am to move back to our village.
I mean, right, because we have friends in Brooklyn, we don't.
We have friends in Memericck that we've met since we
moved here. But they're not like our core friends. Yeah,
they're not somebody I would call to like talk about
my problems. Um, so it's just nice to be like
(28:35):
we can move to a place where, like if one
of us was like having a hard day and I
was like, I really would love to go out and
get one drink with my friend, that the other person
could be like, it's not It's only gonna take you
like two hours. Yeah, go do that. Like our kids
are now three and five, and so I'm going to
ignore them while you're gone anyway. Yeah, well, yeah, it's
(28:57):
going to be so much better. But he says, keep
getting I'm confident we'll find something else to be stressed
out about once are perfect life forms around us. Oh yeah,
I'm already stressed about a lot of the details that
I haven't fully thought about yet anyway, but yeah, how
do you do? That's just the difference is like we
(29:20):
have people here now that if we're in a jam,
we can there's some people we can call who can
like watch one of our kids and would trade favors.
But it's it's stressful. I don't want to do that,
and if I do, then I stress that I'm like
I asked too much of them, and it's like we
haven't built up a lot of credit with them in
(29:42):
terms of returning that favor. Like we're like I think
we're kind of like split even that's the thing was
I feel like we have to keep score. Yeah, I
know they're worried about it too, because well just because
I feel like they're busy and we're busy. So if
they were just unloading their kids on us all the time,
like both we would feel put upon them. But if
(30:02):
my brother did it, I'm like I wouldn't think twice.
I'm a great my sister, and I'm like, we all
have fevers and I just need you to come here
and bring us gatorade. Like she's like that's her job
as my sister to walk into our germ den and
do that it's also you know, with your family, I
can be like, hey, can you do this favor? And
(30:23):
my brother will say no if it's a doesn't fit
or it's annoying, Whereas I'm so scared of asking somebody
for a favor and they say yes, and I never
find out that they didn't want to say yes, Like
I don't want I don't want to feel that. I
don't even want to worry that. That's true. Yeah, that's
(30:46):
the village. You don't think twice that the village is
there for you. I mean, I think people find their
people with that. I just don't think. I don't we
have we don't have that here quite yet. Yeah, And
obviously I think some people listening would relate to this
a lot there and some people really wouldn't because they
do have that. Did We talk about the article a
(31:07):
few months back where like people were kind of creating
almost like little compounds. But it was like this one
group of friends who had just kind of like purposely
bought properties on the same block, so it was like
three or four families like right around across the street
from each other, and they would just like always be
kind of like handing off their kids to each other,
(31:28):
running to do something, doing like a big family dinner
with all the families and just like kind of splitting
the Was it a commune, No, but they like jokingly
called it like a commune, you know what I mean.
It was like not, it was more just like regular
people who like kind of made a point to live
close together. And I was like, it's so smart. Do
you remember one of those It's one of those like
(31:50):
the world's most incredible architecture, like how the most extraordinary houses,
And there's one that's it's like these two sisters ors
built at these two houses in a way that has
this like communal courtyard in the middle, and they're connected,
(32:12):
but they're also designed perfectly so they face completely away
from each other. So you have your own unique, independent house,
and then you also have it's a it's a it's
a really tiny micro village. And I didn't think about
it that way then. But not thinking about this, I'm like, yes,
I want the people. I want to be able to
rely on people, and then also to have my space. Yeah,
(32:35):
the only way I could do it is if I
had completely like my own private property and space, because
I don't, like, I really don't want like a communal
eating situation on a daily basis. I don't want to
be like in people's face at like ten pm, like
I just want Like we we went to our good
(32:56):
friend's birthday party and we were talking about this, and
we're talking about just you know, we most almost everyone
we know, including ourselves right now, live in apartments, and
so many of our friends also still have roommates. And
it was just hearing friends talking about roommates and how
(33:17):
they came were talking about like weird rent situations they
had in the past where they had like crazy low
rent but like totally dysfunctional living situations where they were
like living with their ex girlfriend and stuff like like you,
but someone else had a similar story, and it's like you,
when you live in New York, you get it because
it's just like so much money down the drain rent
(33:40):
all the time. We'd explain this to people a lot
that when we started dating, I was sharing a room
with my ex girlfriend who had broken up with six
months earlier. And everyone's like why and I'm like, oh,
I paid three rent and they're like, oh, never move. Yeah,
so I made some I mean, you got it. You
(34:01):
weren't weird it up by it. I think, no, the
three in rent makes sense. You also were like barely
employed if at all, so I was like, yeah, he
shouldn't be like raising his rent right now and I
was basically living with you. Yeah, so so thank you
for that. By the way I figured it out, crushing it.
(34:21):
It did probably accelerate our moving in process though that
it was like probably most definitely, well at least was
up and I'm like, I'm not going to resign this lease. Yeah.
Well I was also like, I'm not just it's going
to keep housing you every night of the week without
you sharing this rent. So that's also true. Well so
(34:44):
that my X and I, who's now one of my
dearest friends, we both started dating other people about the
exact same time and share that room, so neither one
of us were ever there, and then we both ended
up marrying those people. It's crazy. This segment is called
(35:13):
Listeners Want to Knows, where we take questions and comments
from you guys. This is a comment. This comes to
us from steps. The comment just not a question. It's
a comment from Stephanie subject line podcast review. So I
want to preface this by saying, if you're new to
the podcast. We have periodically UM asked our listeners to
(35:36):
rate and review the podcast, and Beth will make up
a subject line that people should use when reviewing the podcast.
So we've had such classics as this podcast got me pregnant, uh,
this podcast slaps um so you know, all really good
suggestions for podcast review. I can't believe. I can't what
(36:00):
the first one was anyway from Stephanie. I posted this
review on iTunes, but I wanted to email it to
you guys as well, just to make sure that you
know the impact your podcast is having on the world.
Smiley face. Congrats on the new house, don't I shouldn't
have said anything. We haven't signed a contract yet. I
(36:23):
know you. You say these things as if they're happening,
and now we have to sit in the unknown. We
don't know, Peter, we don't know. All right, here's the
subject blind of the review. Are you ready? This podcast
got me pregnant? Literally? I've been waiting a long time
to write this emault. I've been a fan of of
(36:45):
Beth and Peter's family since I heard the hosts of
The Lost Culturista's podcast refer to Brynn as their favorite
living comedian for their suggestion if you don't listen to
loss culture ristas with bon Yang and Matt Rogers or
our friends and and very very funny comedians, you should
um for their suggestion. I looked up Beth and Peter's
(37:09):
Instagram accounts and immediately fell in love with their hilarious,
adorable children, So naturally, I was thrilled when I heard
they were starting a parenting podcast, and it did not disappoint.
Getting a peek into Beth and Peter's lives with their
kids helped me realize what I was missing out on
by not having kids of my own. My husband and
(37:29):
I decided it was finally time to take the leap,
and we're expecting our first baby in May and it's
a brand ak boy. I love you guys, and I
love the podcast, even though I sound crazy when I'm
trying to repeat funny Brannan Maven stories to friends, but
I have to explain I don't know these kids in
real life, just through a podcast. Stephanie, Wow, we did it, Beth,
(37:54):
we fucking did it. I hope that kid is a
good kid. Uh what, That's a great thing. That's a
great thing to say when somebody says, Hey, I'm pregnant
having a baby. Wow, I hope that kid is a
good kid. Kind of feel like we altered the timeline,
So I just hope we did good. I Um, well,
(38:15):
I'd say the quality of the child is on them
at this point. Yeah. No, it was a nice email.
I'm sure she's a nice person. She'll raise a good kid.
At some point when the terminator comes, that kid will
save us or that kid will be targeted because they're
the savior of the world. And so I'm sorry, Stephanie,
with the terminators are coming forward, you your bread anyway,
(38:38):
That's so cool, that's really exciting. Wow, this podcast got
me pregnant, literally were I hope you know, Stephanie, we're
taking full credit. I know. I hope you understand. When
you tell my husband give him an inch, he'll take
a mile. He's burying this. I'm running a marathon. He's right.
(39:00):
The responsibility for your child's existence now for all eternity. Hey,
if you give me a gift, I'm going to use
that gift. It's my gift, it's your gift. I think
we should give a little credit to the woman who's
going to be pregnant and carrying the baby, and you know,
(39:22):
I just remembering it. I just remembered with the other
subject line. We asked people to review our podcast for
which is a sexy podcast for parents? Which was We
got a lot of reviews. Oh yeah, it is a
sexy podcast for parents, And because you're not a parent,
it starts to make things so sexy you become a parent.
(39:43):
Sometimes it's a parent that this podcast makes you a parent. No,
you gotta workshop that first draft, final draft. I think
if you write an or a few this week, it
should be I scream, you scream, we all scream for kids?
Question mak um, I scream, you scream, we all scream
(40:08):
for kids. It's an exclamation point in there too? Is
it a t in taro bang? You know what in
taro bang is? It's a question mark end exclamation point.
You scream, I scream, we all scream for kids. Oh,
(40:29):
I get it. I'm just drinking a beer on a podcast.
I'm just I'm just drinking a beer in a podcast.
But I get it. This is the part of the
podcast where we just remixed the rest of the episode,
where we just take things we learned signing the contract.
I get it. Takes the village. My friends and I
(40:52):
have a conversational callback that I don't remember the origins
of anymore. But we just say, clear your cash, Clear
your cash, Clear your cash. Yeah, it's just sort of like,
I don't know, it's a good like glitchy closer, you know,
when things were going haywire. So when it's like I
(41:13):
don't know what I'm talking about any clear just to
clear my cash, I'm running sluggish. I don't overthink it.
You're not going to get it. You're in on it.
So just I didn't hear it used in the wild,
you know, I heard it in a clinical content would
have to be there. I wasn't. I'm not invited into
(41:36):
the room where it happens. I'm so sorry that I
did that. I'm so sorry. I like, it wouldn't bother
me if this podcast became something where we just quote
Hamilton's lyrics out of the blue all the time. But
I don't know if people would appreciate. I don't know.
(41:57):
I'm not not thrown away my shot. That's all saying.
What if this was just this podcast just became like
Mulan rouge in what sense that just dying of cholera? Yes,
that is your diag of cholera. You just remax mixed
(42:18):
pop songs into I don't I gotta clear the cash?
Did I do it right? They do it right? Um.
I was trying to think of some lyrics from Mulan
Rouge to sing and I couldn't ebody FEUs. I just
(42:43):
I just went from Elton John to Oasis accidentally. Well,
those songs are Medley's, I know. Well, that's it is.
It's a very Mulan Rouge thing to do, just getting
in the vibe of Mulan Rouge. I'm just trying to
think of more Hamilton's songs, but I'm there's too much pressure,
(43:05):
there's not Yeah, anyway, let's this is not? Is this
good content? Please write, review, subscribe You scream my scream
for kids. This has been another episode of We Knows Parenting.
If you'd like to right in to ask us a question,
we'd love another. Would you know scenarios? Send us say
(43:26):
hypothetical nightmare parenting situation. We'd love to unpack it. Yeah.
Email us at we Knows pod at gmail dot com,
or you can leave us a voicemail at three four
seven three eight four seven three nine six. Find us
on Instagram. We know SPoD um. You can find Beth
in my cell my instagrams as well through there um, Facebook,
(43:50):
on Twitter and leave us a review. I Scream, Us Scream,
We all scream for kids on iTunes five stars. You
know all that all that good stuff. We'd love it
and have yourself a great night. Please please please bye
bye
We Knows Parenting News
Hosts And Creators
Beth Newell
Peter McNerney
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