December 25, 2018 • 46 mins
After a brief week in review in which Bryn, the most performative four-year-old around, shocks the world by clamming up and crying his way through the Pre-K Winter concert performance, Beth and Peter dedicate the rest of this last episode of the year to the first ever Would You Knows Year End Spectacular. What is a Would You Knows Year End Spectacular? Great question. Take a listen and find out!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
Hello, and welcome to Widows Parenting. I'm Peter mccunny. Is
that I'm bef Newell. Parenting is just such an awful word, isn't. Well,
it's it's maybe I've talked about this before, but I
feel like parenting has if I hear like, oh, this
a parenting book. Um, I guess the judgmental doesn't want
(00:35):
to learn man and me it's like, I'm lame. I
don't want to know about that same thing with children's theater. Well,
we've been conditioned to associate things associated with women as bad.
Well I also just said children's theater, which is the
other thing I've committed my life too. Okay, boy, judgmental,
(00:59):
start from Peter. I don't know why we're debating the
word parenting. Um. I don't know that we're critiquing the
title of the podcast, uh, parenting. So it's the last
episode of the year, my dear, Yeah, how do you feel?
We've been doing this podcast now for six months. I
(01:22):
feel I feel good about the podcast. I feel like
many people very ready for this year to be over.
I think it's um, oh, goodbye to two thousand eighteen. Yeah, goodbye.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Um,
(01:43):
I don't know what I'm talking about. Brin made me
want to murder him tonight. I also had a lovely
night with Brin by getting out of the car classic
no no no Maybn Brady no no no, and I
to carry right up the stairs, which enrages me so much.
And then we had a really lovely, uh family night,
(02:07):
wouldn't you say? Yeah, it's They were really good tonight,
but also really bad as usual. Um, They're just it's
always one or the other of them just has to ruin,
like at least once an hour, just like make everything horrible.
It's just what second are we talking about? Because it's
either the best or the goddamn work. They were really
(02:28):
good tonight for the most part, aside from what they
always hate, which is for some reason, coming inside their
home and going to bed, they hate change. They're like me,
I don't I'm so happy to be where I am.
And if you tell me I could go someplace, I'm
like no. And as soon as I'm in a new place,
I'm like, I'm so glad I'm here. Yeah. And when
I try to put on your pull up for bed, yeah,
(02:50):
I'm like, freak out and I'm like, Beth, do not
put me in a pull up? I hate it. And
when I'm like Peter, we have to cut your fingernails.
You're scratching up your face. No, you just scratch your
face so much when I say that, and then you
cut my nails because i'm and then i'm and then
I brag about them. So we're just days away from Christmas.
Just we need it. We need it. We're so close.
(03:13):
We're actually recording listeners. You'll want to know this. We're
not recording at the last possible second this uh week,
although we kind of are because we're about to go
to town. It's the last possible second we are able
to record. Yeah, so okay, so the big thing this
week is that Brent had his winter concert at preschool. Okay,
so do you mind if I set this scene here?
(03:35):
I think we may have already built this up, but
I want to paint a picture for you. Which that's
something that wouldn't articulate, which is we're both performers. I
particularly pride myself on enjoying a stage and an audience
full of people, and it's always been something I don't
really identify primarily as a performer right now, this is
much more me. You love comedy, and I think performing
(03:58):
was not something as speak for yourself, but for me,
the second I started getting last and I was able
to be on stage, it was scary and exciting. But
I've always been like this, this is it, this is
where I want to be. And so decades of anticipation
have gone into this preschool concert, as you can imagine,
and Brin is certainly a performer, your firstborn child, you're
(04:23):
blood and spit my blood, my spit bread. We had
we assumed like, well, he's he was really excited about
It's like we gonna have concert and he knows all
the songs, he knows all the sign language. He's going
to crush it, right, So do you want to describe
what the concert was? So we got to the concert
and Brenn walked in cheerfully into the auditorium with his classmates.
(04:45):
He sat down, he looked excited, and then they just
they start playing a music track that all the kids
are supposed to sing along to while they do sign language.
This is the entire pre k all the several classes,
so up almost a hundred kids. Yeah, and so here's
my take on what I think happened is that the
music just started playing very quickly, and I think Britain
(05:06):
was a little bit thrown by that, and I think
in my mind he like almost immediately was disappointed in
his performance because he wasn't like on beat with the
sign language. Do you know what I mean? I hear
you're saying. I don't think this is the back story
I brought to the story. Um, but it's so so
(05:27):
they start doing this. He's signing along, but he looks
pretty serious, like he's sort of like thinking really hard
about what's happening and not definitely not enjoying it. And
then slowly, over the course of first song, he just
starts crying, just the only kid up there, just quietly crying.
(05:47):
Them are crying, and that's not a hundred kids, that's
it's almost anyway. He uh yeah, he's crying and then
keeps wiping tears off his days and just puts his
arm up in front of his face so that people
can't see him crying. This is why while other kids
are cheerfully singing and doing sign language right next to
(06:09):
him to the sweetest songs about friendship, you got a
friend in me, like make new friends. Wiping of the
tears was like one of those using his full arm
in the back of it. And what I loud cry.
And part of what happened was we were starting, we
were trying to stand on the side so we could see,
(06:30):
which is unfortunately what a lot of parents had to
do to get a good line of sight. And so
all once they started singing, all these parents kind of
like rushed to the wings and held up like fifty
cameras straight at the kids. It was like it was intense,
and I think he was just overwhelmed by the level
(06:50):
of attention that was happening. I think he did not
anticipate that this. I talked to him about it. I
was like, what do you think about the concert at huh?
He goes, it was scary. There's a lot of people
looking at you because yeah, and I want in retrospect
because we got it on video. And he's just got
(07:12):
this mob of parents holding up their phones looking and
you know, our kids. If you look at them and
are like, come on with a big expectant, serious face,
the last thing in the world they're gonna do is
anything you want them to do. They shut down. You're
this way if I'm like, hey, hey, Beth, Beth, Hey,
(07:35):
Beth Beth, you shut down and free, and that's so
pleasant to have that. That's how that's the only way
I can do anything, is somebody's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
They're sensitive children, and it's I felt so weird watching
it because I was like, oh, no, I thought he
(07:56):
was spared this stage fright, Gene. But I also the
more I think about it, the more I think that
you also were very scared of attention at that age,
you know what. That's how true. I My mom took
me to audition for to be like a townsperson in
the high school play when I was in elementary school
because she knew I would love it. And then we
(08:17):
got there and I was like, I'm not going in.
I'm not going in, and I was terrified, and until she,
for the one time in her whole life, bribed me
with a video game and I went in and I
got the part. So I'm afraid of people. But here's
the thing, here's the thing that blew my mind about
(08:37):
it is he started crying and he you know, he
wasn't like terrified, he was just like sobbing and quivering
lip and really sad looking, and it was we were
like laughing, like we I mean, not not so he
can see. He would look at us when we were
giving him encouraging faces, but I was it was so
(08:58):
funny to me because it was the last thing I
expected that. It was so heartbreaking to watch them because
he was just trapped up there like all the this
whole thing happening around him and just like stuck in
the middle of it. It's it's funny you said something
about like the overwhelmingness of it, because to me, it
(09:19):
reminded me so much of walking down the aisle at
our wedding, and it was not like it's not like
a negative emotion. It's just way too much emotion at
once with that many people staring expectantly at you, Like
it's just like a wave of everyone's emotion, you know
what I mean. And it's like it's like very hard
(09:41):
to not have it like well up inside of you.
Well see, that's interesting because again, i mean at our wedding,
it was emotional and it was great, but I'm also
like I'm feeding off of I'm like, great, this is
exactly where I want to be, where everyone wants to
hear from me, and I don't have to hear from you. Wow,
(10:03):
Am I a terrible person? Maybe I'm discovering something having
hurt myself say that out loud just now. Yeah, you're
a real ham at the wedding. Um no regrets anyway. Uh. Yeah.
I felt really bad for him. I mean I was,
(10:25):
I was like empathizing with him, and it was it
was sad, but I was never I knew he was
going to be fine in five minutes and left afterwards
and got a cupcake, and then he was so excited
to show us his classroom. I think I was just
sort of heartbroken for him because he was so excited
for the concert, and it felt like he because he
(10:45):
is good at the sign language, I feel like part
of him was like ready to show off, and then
he just was not prepared for, you know, the level
of attention he was feeling. Yeah, but he's not he's
not dwelling on it. I asked him about it, and
he's very like, oh, yeah, it was very scary. Yeah,
I know, he's fine. He's so. The other thing that
happened this week is you took him to the dentist. Yeah,
(11:08):
I took him to the dentist, and that surprisingly was
like pretty uneventful, even in terms of getting him out
the door, which I thought he would like at some
point throw a fit and not want to go to daycare. Um,
we went with the dentist. It was so quick. They
just went in and they're like counting his teeth and
brushing his teeth and like and he gets to watch
Netflix during it. Yeah, and he was just so quiet
(11:30):
and like not talking to them really like that. He
was like nice, but he didn't really like engage with
them much. He just kind of this is third time
when he's exactly the same in the first two times,
completely helpful, didn't say a word. Yeah, they were like,
he's so calm. I mean, it's the same thing as
the concert when that's an intense attention to be like
(11:51):
we're looking in your mouth and he's like, I will
say nothing. Well, I think, yeah, it's again. It is
just a little overwhelming for him because he's in this
totally new room with like a weird sink and chair.
You know, he's like, just what's happening? Yeah, Um, okay,
it's the end of here's a curveball. Beth, what was
(12:14):
your absolute parenting highlight of the year and your low light.
I literally have no idea, you know what. I heard
the question and I had the same response. I'm like,
what what happened this year? What was the beginning? When
you're a parent and you have a two to four
year old, it's all a blur. It's just a constant blur.
(12:37):
I just should pay somebody to listen to all these
episodes and just tell us about our lives, because I
don't know what happened. I think it was good. I
think it was good. I mean, I think that the
high I guess would be like that we're now starting
to be done with diapers and pacifier, so that's pretty exciting, huge,
(13:05):
And you know, I think it's not really a moment.
It's just the fact that our kids are like kids now,
and that the holidays are like something that they're aware
of and participating in. Um, it's the big difference over
the whole year those things. But I also say that
(13:25):
we had dinner tonight and we all sat around the table,
which felt like the most real family dinner we've ever had,
even though they eventually tried to run away, but we
all had a conversation. We all can talk to each other,
and that was not true at the beginning of the year.
You know what I mean. Well, I mean part of
that is just that we're both home on the same night,
(13:47):
which is a rarity. Um, if if we always had
one of us here to cook dinner while the other
one got the kids, it would be a much calmer life.
This week, you know, both of us took a kid
someplace one on one, and that almost never happens. I
(14:07):
take both of them places all the time, and just
taking Mayven to daycare or taking bryn Uh someplace and
back is so easy. It's like insane comparatively to take
one child because there's so much more helpful because there's
so I think, so excited to have someone's full attention. Yeah,
(14:30):
they do what you want. It's nice to be able
to have that one on one, like be able to
explain things to one of them, like it just we
haven't had that in like two and a half years.
Like it's just like the way Brin had all that
focused attention where we could just like point at things
and tell him that's why Mayven, that's why brit knows
all his letters. Like every I don't know if every
(14:52):
moment I am transporting them now is just me being like,
stay alive, stay alive. Hey, hey, are you staying alive?
Back there? Stay alive. I will pull this car over
if you don't stay alive. Um yeah, that's our whole life.
Um well, great job. I'm proud of you. Yeah. The
low is just that they're so strong. Now. The low
(15:14):
is that Britainway's nine pounds. They're so heavy and strong.
Britain didn't want to I carry him. I was carrying him,
but I'm just like, I don't like carry you. And
I was like, that was the most true thing I've
ever said. Here's the now it's time for would you
(15:41):
Knows Extravaganza. We got a lot of would you knows
questions from you guys after last week's after we have
two weeks in a row, been tearing to shreds. The
would you knows that you've been car I'm joking. I'm joking.
We've we've loved them, but we have we have excited
like we need more specific, more specific, and you listeners
(16:04):
have risen to the challenge you have written. I'm gonna
pick a few here at random, and we're gonna do
more than one is unprecedented. Um, Beth, are you ready?
I'm gonna go. Um. Most recent emails backwards this email
(16:26):
bonjeur from Sunny Perry, France. First things first, you have
a great podcast. The way you compliment each other on
the air is magnifique. Do we compliment each other? I
don't think they mean literally. Oh, compliments are our points
of view and voices compliment each other. But we do
(16:49):
not literally compliment each other. Okay, I get it, I
get it. We are proud parents of a three year
old Claire a k A. Princess. Uh do you do
you give nicknames to your kids? For example Princess Junior
kid one kid too. Nicknames don't last, right, you know,
(17:09):
the classic classic nicknames the first kid, the second kid.
Nicknames don't last very long. Since we try to provide
a gender neutral education and are afraid of long lasting
excuse me, impacts of nicknames, I'm keeping a list of
all her nicknames. Anyway, Well, let's answer that question. First,
(17:31):
we have nicknames for our kids. Yeah, but it's hard
to think of them because like tonight, remember dinner, I
was calling me having little Mama and then they were
like confused that. But um, what do we call the
Bernie boy, Bernie boy. That's the big one, I said,
Bertie boy, I call him. I've realized the gendered thing
(17:54):
that I do without thinking is that I call him
buddy and I call her baby. Yeah. Yeah, I still
call her baby sometimes. But you know what, I don't
think I ever called Brendan baby and like that's an
ingrained male thing in my head. Yeah, and I don't
call her buddy. Probably called her buddy. Call them like
(18:19):
girl and boy a lot like my girl. Yeah, my
baby boy. I like to remind Brinn that he was
my baby. Yeah. What that's that's such traditional mother and
father language, like mother's calling their boys baby boys. Now
(18:39):
I call him baby boy sometimes Bernie Bernie. We sometimes
would call them maybe the little witch. Um, no, we
don't you do well? My family did. They also call
her Honda Grace because she was born in a Honda
and her middle name is Grace. I called her maybe
the other day for the first time without thinking about it.
(19:01):
The weird thing I haven't When she was born, my
dad had a hard time wrapping his brain around Maven.
I think because Mave is such a clear, like Irish
name that he understood being a very Irish man, and
and so he's like Maven. Huh. And so like the
second or third time talking to him after she was born,
and he's like, so, so, how's Mave. I'm like, mavens So,
(19:26):
so you're going with Maven, like, yeah, we named her.
And then my uncle Dan did does the same thing.
He's like, how's Mave or he should go by Maven.
I can see why it's confusing if you just don't
know people with a name, and then it's like like
for your uncle in particular, it's like we're not exactly
(19:46):
people he's thinking about on a daily basis. I guess
I just never really was that aware of the name.
A lot more confusion with Brind's name actually Brian like Mayven,
people tend to understand maybe and they just probably wouldn't
spell it right. But Brin people always think it's Brian
or Brian or like they just um, almost everybody's spells
(20:10):
Brin and may even wrong. Brand more often gets spelled.
I mean, it's our own fault for choosing these names,
but I stand by it. I like the names. That's great.
Um anyway, would you knows challenge simple in quotes DeLorean
slash Honda question. Yes again, but not so many details required. Okay,
(20:36):
you have two time travels in the future allowed for
both of you, not each of you. Oh to collectively,
we can go to the future twice. The DeLorean and
yourselves are ghosts and cannot interact with the future. Each
time travel lasts one minute. The Deloreate allows you to
(20:57):
enter a specific event name, not month or day. What
event would you choose? It has to be kids related,
of course. For example, I have to say, and you
know this is not um. I'm not trying to insult
this person's Every time you start explaining one of these
time travel ones, my eyes just glaze over and I
(21:19):
can't follow any of the information. I just wait. Well,
it's simple, Okay, break it down for it. Okay's having
someone explain a movie. Okay. Yeah. We get to choose
two times to life events of our children's lives in
the future that we can go visit. For example, the
(21:41):
wedding day of May even or Brya spelled correctly, graduation day,
Thanksgiving dinner, father and son, first fishing catch, first fishing catch.
That will probably Okay, So we get to underlying question
is do you have particular expectations for your children. What
would be the most touching uh French pronunciation expected touching
(22:06):
uh for you? Most of the time, the event reflects
what is our main criteria. Oh, it's interesting. Most of
the time the event that we pick reflects what is
our main criteria for success in our life for our children.
Parents want to check out how well their kids have succeeded.
Thank you for all your great work and Viva kids,
(22:28):
Catherine and David. M hmm, interesting question. Um, okay, so
we each just to go to one. I think together
we can do two, okay, but like we're not there
for each other's it's we together get to go see
two big events in our children's future. It's like, when
(22:55):
you think of big events, it's hard not to think
very like heteronormative Lee, because I'm immediately just thinking of
like wedding and like if may even were to give birth,
like I would want, well, I think the most exciting
thing in their lives. I hope. I don't know what
they're going to be because they're two in there, four,
you know what I mean. And the wedding and a
(23:18):
child being born is a really exciting life moment that
often happen. But what is the most exciting that happened
in their life probably is something we we have no
tense of. I think I would just want to pick
up a random point in time to see them old. Yeah,
(23:43):
well you get one when you're there, you get one minute,
so you have to you don't want to pick them accidentally,
pick a moment where they're just like on the toilet. Well,
I get you. You're not just picking a random moment. Yeah,
I think if you're just picking like a day, like
I guess you, I would almost want to do like
a random beach day, you know what I mean, Like
(24:04):
just a long I assume that there's a computer, and
so i'd be you have to be like, okay, Maven's
one hundred and twelve time spending an afternoon at a
beach twelve, because then she'd be a certain age. Okay,
(24:24):
that was convolution. You're really over complicating this. I guess
I'd go I'd want to see something near the end
of their lives, so that I could see as far
into the future as possible, Like I want to see them,
I want to see potentially their kids, their grandkids, because
(24:45):
that's where my jeans are going and selfishly, I'm like,
where where do I end up? In pieces? You want
to see the most, the oldest of them. I want
to see. Here's what it is, Beth. I want to
see their funeral because there's gonna be everyone they know
around talking about them. You're really like, you're really like
(25:10):
quantity over quality right now in terms of like I
want to hear, I want to see a spreadsheet of
their life, full list, give me one minute at the future,
statistics that it will be kept on all humors, prit
me out a list of everywhere they've been. That's what
I want to um. All right, you go, miss quality. Well,
(25:37):
it's it's hard because I can't assume that any of
these things will definitely happen to them. But I feel
like if they were to have kids, I would want
to see that. Okay, so here's the question. What if
we pick a thing that doesn't happen Catherine and David,
we do need details, Relax you. I think the lesson
(26:00):
we've learned this week from the Winter Concert though, it's
just like we can't have any career or performance expectations.
I mean, that's what was so exciting about Brin totally
bombing as I'm like, oh, I don't know what's in
store for him. I mean that that performance is dictating
the rest of his life. But I'm like, you never know.
(26:22):
And that's that's the thing that to the other question
in here is like, how would we gauge success and
boy for better or for worse? I don't think that way,
you know, it's I am. I am much more of
the journey over the destination. And if like, why did
(26:43):
you want to be at the funeral because I wanted
to hear about the journey? Do you know what I mean? Like,
if if I felt I'm not thinking I've never set
like a super specifically to any moment from your child's life,
and you chose the moment when they're no longer alive.
I got excited about seeing their kids and their casket.
(27:08):
I just want to know what kind of casket are
we talking about? I don't know if they didn't waste
money on it? All right, what's your pick? What's my pick?
I already said, did you what did you say? The
random beach day just like a family day, like a
(27:29):
funny day, just hey, my wishes, random funny family day.
You know. Also a lot of people in my mom
group are pretty into this Christmas movie called The Family Stone.
That's a real tear jerker and it's this family has
gotten in it. What oh, Luke Wilson, Yeah yeah, Um,
(27:54):
Sarah Jessica Parker plays a really uptight um woman. She's
it's maybe the best Sara Jessica Parker role. Um. Oh
take that Carry Brad show anyway. Um, it's it's anyway.
I forgot what I bring up, but okay, So it's
like the matriarch has gathered her children for Christmas and
it's like, you know, it's just very much about like
(28:18):
this woman. I don't want to give too many spoilers away,
but you know, obviously she loves having a big family,
and it's like something about that this time of year
makes me like, oh, yeah, I just want to be
with my family, Like, yeah, I had a I had
a thought where for the first now that they're older,
(28:38):
I'm like, I want to do I'm excited about doing
Christmas at home with just our kids, which has not
happened yet and I don't when that will happen. But
the idea of just coming to the Christmas tree in
presence and just being us made me emotional. Yeah, and
it feels like that has to happen soon because their
(28:59):
concept of Christmas is starting to form in their minds
and they're like why are they keep like saying Santa's
coming here? And then we have to explain that he's
not coming here, and then we're going we wrote Santa letter. Yeah,
that's what we told him. Um, I was I told
when we were telling them that that we told Santa
where we're going to be. And I was saying, like,
(29:20):
I told Santa, I was really good this year, and
you know, I was like I did a lot of
really good stuff and I was really great and I
would love to get some presents. And friend was like, Brenda,
maybe we're like I was good. I was good this year.
I was so good. And Brenda's like I was the
biggest great, Like he was the coolest. He's like he
(29:42):
was like I was the coolest, the most. Um anyway, incredible.
So your answer is random family gathering day and mine
is funeral. Um. Great, that's our answer. All Right, We're
gonna go on to number two. Are you ready? Here
(30:02):
we go? Ah, this comes to us from Shannon. First off,
absolutely love your podcast. I've listened to just about every episode,
and you guys really do quote unquote nos parenting. Um
bump bump bump bum you throwing a we nose pun
(30:23):
into a listener email. We will read it. That's on
the we will I'm jumping ahead, jumping ahead. Um. Oh,
by the way, yes, this person is married. The this
doesn't matter. There's an interesting connection to this person. Um. Fascinating.
(30:51):
I wanted to see how you guys had handled this
extremely specific hypothetical situation. There is no reference to time travel,
and it's really not all that exciting, but I'm compelled
to ask nonetheless, Beth, are you excited by that set up? Yes,
let's say that, hypothetically, you live in a big city
where it is ridiculously hard to get your kids into
(31:13):
a good preschool, and you finally found the perfect school.
The only catch is that the preschool is a French preschool.
This is so, we just said a French listener with
a French director, where the teachers will only communicate with
your children in French. You go to the parents only
orient orientation, and the very very nice and very posh
(31:37):
and French preschool director kicks the whole thing off in French.
All the other fancy pants parents around you are wei
wing all along, and the two of you don't speak
a word of French. This is true throughout orientation. The
director addresses the parents a handful of times in English,
but even then her accent is pretty difficult to understand.
(31:58):
Do you send your kids to this preschool? Is king
that they will have superior French language skills and potentially
inferior English language skills. Because of it, you may not
be able to fully understand challenges that your kid faces
at school because of teachers sort of difficult to decipher accent.
Your kids will probably end up talking crap to each
(32:20):
other about your ultra American parenting style in their abusive
secret language right in front of you, French indoctrination of
hating your lazy American parents, and you'll just be cluelessly
bobbing along. I asked this hypothetically, of course, anyway, thanks
for doing the podcast, and thanks for being hilarious to
(32:41):
helping me feel like I'm doing all right at this
parenting thing. Thank you for having beautiful, funny, intelligent children.
Just thank you, love let you through. And I asked
this hypothetically, of course the end in case at this point,
I was nervous that we had to go to a
French parents or this is quite literally happening to her.
(33:03):
And yeah, I do think there must be some personal
inspiration she's having for this question. For this very specific
French based question, I have to say, what is wrong
with public school? Um? Well, that there's a lot of
answers that question depending on where you live. Okay, Well, anyway,
(33:28):
on a more fun note, this is applicable to us
for a couple of reasons. Well, one, we live in
an area where there we live very close to a
French immersion school which we cannot afford, and we have
not considered there is a huge French population in where
we live. I don't know there is. Well, it's because
(33:51):
it's a suburb of New York and some French people
started moving here and then they just the other French
people are like, yeah, us too, we're French. Yeah, so
one side of our town is very French. Um. But
but we are right now considering sending Britain to dual
(34:13):
language kindergarten to Spanish Spanish English, which we're really lucky
is through the public school here. If he gets into
the program, it does not cost us money. So we
do need to do some research and figure out when
and how to apply. I looked it up today and
I still don't know, but it opens up. We need
(34:36):
to do something. You know, we've missed daycare. I'm miss
pre k signed up by four months, but I know
when it opens this year. Yeah. Well, we've been told
supposedly that he if he applies, he could has a
good chance of getting in because of the woman who
runs Sneakcare said he can understand everything they're saying in Spanish. Actually,
(34:57):
I mean, and I this sounds very braggy, but I
do think he has like a pretty good understanding of Spanish.
And here I went, Um, we took him. I took
them to Smash Burger last night and then to Cherry
Tree Yogurt frozen yogurt. And we're going in the yogurt
place and this boy was outside who speaks Spanish and
(35:17):
he was talking to his mom and he was like,
mi amigo. And it was this boy from Brind's class, um,
and it's so funny. And we walked in and like
Prince said high to him. And then as we're walking away,
Brind was like, he talks to me in Spanish. It's
like it's like cool and he has his little other
life out there where he can interact with more people
than us. I mean, there's a huge Spanish speaking population
(35:40):
in our town as well, and that's why this program exists,
I think, mostly for a lot of kids who primarily
speaks Spanish. But day care is every other day in Spanish,
and he's great at him. Like we've read all these
articles about how it's so good for your brain. I
think though, like this French, the question of what the
(36:03):
question of paying a ton of money to speak French
versus learning Spanish for free is a very different question
because Spanish to me is a much more useful language,
at least in this country, and um, French is not
necessarily like opening doors for future job opportunities, you know
what I mean, Like it's I mean, it certainly is
(36:25):
in some context, but in this country contact, yeah, I
mean it could be really it could end up being
really useful. You never know. Um, I just think it's
if if I was like betting money and you kind
of are betting, placing a bet, if you're spending a
lot of money on private school education. UM, I don't know, well,
(36:47):
so I think the hypothetical is basically, it's money is
not an issue. You got into it. Let's say it's
like it's a special public school like a lot of
New York schools, but it's all French. Whereas we're thinking
about sending to brand to a bilingual kindergarten. But will
be will be said, would we send him to an
(37:08):
all Spanish kindergarten? Probably not? Uh, I mean if he's
speaking English at home, I don't know. Well. I would
say if we lived in a neighborhood with with like
underfunded schools with that we're struggling, that didn't have great
(37:29):
teachers or whatever, and the alternative was sending him to
a really good all Spanish speaking school or French, I
would certainly consider it. Um. But it's yeah, that is
the Yeah, the dual language is UM way better than
much more preferable in my mind than just immersion. Yeah. So, Shannon,
(37:57):
I maybe I can I can see why in other
contexts this would be desirable. I just in the context
of our lives. Um, I don't think I would want
to hang out with a bunch of French speaking people
I didn't understand all the time. But Shannon, if this
is happening to you? I think your other option is
(38:17):
probably pretty good. Is this happen to you? Are you okay?
Those quotation marks around hypothetically are really suggestive? Oh boy,
oh boy. So there's that. We're gonna take a quick
(38:38):
break and come back with Yeah, you you got it.
A little bit more Would you knows? Back in a minute,
and we're back for a little bit more of would
you knows? Betthy, you're ready for this? Yes? Would you knows?
(38:58):
Time Traveler part? Hey, guys, I love this, so love
the show so much. Wanted to take on the challenge
presented in the most recent episode to get the time
travel scenario right. Here goes So in the year, scientists
invented away to time travel to the future recreationally, like
(39:19):
a vacation or something. These scientists were afraid that allowing
the public to access this tech would lead to people
returning and acting in ways that drastically affect the future.
So you can only travel in this controlled setting, and
when you return, the person operating the time travel apparatus
gives you a pill that will erase your memories of
(39:40):
the details of your trip. You will remember things like
where you went, but there's kind of this side effect
of the pill that it makes you feel utterly relaxed,
as though you really enjoyed the trip, but I guess
you don't remember the details. You're given a little watch
thing that you can control the settings of your experience
so you can interact, but the default is you are
(40:02):
invisible and only an observer. This is great, This is great,
This is fantastic, And don't worry about all the tech
involved has been it's been tested and deemed safe. Okay,
so y'all decided to go to to visit your kids.
You arrived to find Bryn Spelled with too many ends,
(40:26):
has become incredibly rich and famous. He is a comedian.
He has at a party in Hollywood. At this businessman
approaches him. You listen to their conversation and you infer
the Hollywood business. Bye Brand, Hollywood. Here, I've got a
proposition for you. This dude is a Bernie made Off
(40:47):
type who is trying to trick Brand into investing all
his money in a Ponzi scheme. You guys did Bran
did raise Brian to make good financial decisions. But this
dude is so much has so much charisma. You can
see that he's starting to win britin over do you
choose to interact or do you uh, do you let
(41:08):
brit invest? And then this is great, you checked in
down Maven two and she's doing great in college and
makes good decisions. So don't worry about that. Sorry that
was long, but I hope I figured out this time
travel thing. I have someone just say, um, first of all,
this product of time travel where your brain is a
(41:32):
raised when you get back. She did solve the central
issue over the last two episodes, which is why wouldn't
you just go back in time and tell your kids
not to do that? Right? Right? So, but I have
to say, if someone is selling you a version of
time travel where you're not going to remember it when
you get back, like they're just giving you drugs. They're
not sending you into the future. That's just they're just
(41:58):
knocking you out for a few hours. So I think
listeners need to know first of all, if that if
someone offers you that version of time travel, it's this
is a scamp. And too, if you have just met
someone at a party and they're trying to get you
to invest your fortune, go home and sleep on it.
(42:20):
But maybe the party's at his house. He's rich and
famous in Hollywood, just like Bernie made Off, so would
The question is if so you're able to do a
setting on your watch to then go, hey, I can interact,
you can see me now, don't listen to this dude,
you idiot. I guess I would stop them, But I
(42:43):
also feel like it doesn't matter that much. Like he's
a famous comedian, like he can make more money. This
is a good lesson for him. He clearly needed to
learn it. If he's just giving all that money away,
it's the first person who asked for it, you know what.
The more because I've read a lot of these now
(43:05):
and we've done a lot of these time travel hypotheticals,
and I realized that, like, I don't care, Yeah, I really,
I don't want to constantly save my kids for making
mistakes because they need and they're gonna send them the
world and then it's their problem. I'm not helping them. Ever,
the day they turn eighteen, they are out of this house.
(43:29):
That's not true. M hm. I might feel really different
when I as soon as I'm watching this Bernie Madoff
dude being so charming and like really selling it. But
hypothetically I'm like, yeah, you know what, Brent, if you
can't figure this out, there was nothing I could have done.
(43:50):
It's going to happen somewhere else. Yeah, somebody's gonna scam
you if you're that, you know. I think the scenario
would have been better if he was not rich, and
I think if it was, we should chase this segment too.
Would you like to have? Would you like to know?
Would you know like to knows? How we would improve
(44:11):
your Would you knows? No what? You're not listening? You know?
So tired? Uh? And on that note, we're going to
close this this season of would you know? Ah? Would
(44:37):
you if we knows? Parenting? Where are we? We need
a nap man. We've just done so much time travel
and it messes with your equiliberal it does. I don't
know what this is an alternate reality. I don't know
how to spell brand anymore. But before we uh ended
(44:57):
this segment, I just want to give it another genuine,
heartfelt thank you for everyone to reach out. There's there's more.
Thank you for your questions. They're fun. Maybe we'll start
aside podcast where we only do would you knows? Um?
But you guys are the best and you have made
this year in this podcast worth doing. So thank you, yes,
(45:17):
thank you guys, thank you. We knows You're the best
this has been. We Knows Parenting. If you want to
find us on social media, you can find the We
Knows Parenting page on Facebook. You can find us that
we Knows pod on Twitter and Instagram. Go to we
(45:37):
knows Parenting dot com to get more information episodes. Please like,
uh sorry, rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes wherever you
get your podcasts, and yes, what you can do get
We're celebrating Christmas next week. You want to get us
to present UM subscribe, write us on the Apple Podcasts
and we'll just go as we read it. And if
(46:00):
you guys would like to submit any questions, share stories,
or give some advice, or you can email us at
we knows pot at gmail dot com or leave us
a voicemail at three four seven three eight four seven
three nine six. You guys, have an incredible New Year's
(46:20):
We will see you in UM in nineteen. We love
you
Hello, and welcome to Widows Parenting. I'm Peter mccunny. Is
that I'm bef Newell. Parenting is just such an awful word, isn't. Well,
it's it's maybe I've talked about this before, but I
feel like parenting has if I hear like, oh, this
a parenting book. Um, I guess the judgmental doesn't want
(00:35):
to learn man and me it's like, I'm lame. I
don't want to know about that same thing with children's theater. Well,
we've been conditioned to associate things associated with women as bad.
Well I also just said children's theater, which is the
other thing I've committed my life too. Okay, boy, judgmental,
(00:59):
start from Peter. I don't know why we're debating the
word parenting. Um. I don't know that we're critiquing the
title of the podcast, uh, parenting. So it's the last
episode of the year, my dear, Yeah, how do you feel?
We've been doing this podcast now for six months. I
(01:22):
feel I feel good about the podcast. I feel like
many people very ready for this year to be over.
I think it's um, oh, goodbye to two thousand eighteen. Yeah, goodbye.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Um,
(01:43):
I don't know what I'm talking about. Brin made me
want to murder him tonight. I also had a lovely
night with Brin by getting out of the car classic
no no no Maybn Brady no no no, and I
to carry right up the stairs, which enrages me so much.
And then we had a really lovely, uh family night,
(02:07):
wouldn't you say? Yeah, it's They were really good tonight,
but also really bad as usual. Um, They're just it's
always one or the other of them just has to ruin,
like at least once an hour, just like make everything horrible.
It's just what second are we talking about? Because it's
either the best or the goddamn work. They were really
(02:28):
good tonight for the most part, aside from what they
always hate, which is for some reason, coming inside their
home and going to bed, they hate change. They're like me,
I don't I'm so happy to be where I am.
And if you tell me I could go someplace, I'm
like no. And as soon as I'm in a new place,
I'm like, I'm so glad I'm here. Yeah. And when
I try to put on your pull up for bed, yeah,
(02:50):
I'm like, freak out and I'm like, Beth, do not
put me in a pull up? I hate it. And
when I'm like Peter, we have to cut your fingernails.
You're scratching up your face. No, you just scratch your
face so much when I say that, and then you
cut my nails because i'm and then i'm and then
I brag about them. So we're just days away from Christmas.
Just we need it. We need it. We're so close.
(03:13):
We're actually recording listeners. You'll want to know this. We're
not recording at the last possible second this uh week,
although we kind of are because we're about to go
to town. It's the last possible second we are able
to record. Yeah, so okay, so the big thing this
week is that Brent had his winter concert at preschool. Okay,
so do you mind if I set this scene here?
(03:35):
I think we may have already built this up, but
I want to paint a picture for you. Which that's
something that wouldn't articulate, which is we're both performers. I
particularly pride myself on enjoying a stage and an audience
full of people, and it's always been something I don't
really identify primarily as a performer right now, this is
much more me. You love comedy, and I think performing
(03:58):
was not something as speak for yourself, but for me,
the second I started getting last and I was able
to be on stage, it was scary and exciting. But
I've always been like this, this is it, this is
where I want to be. And so decades of anticipation
have gone into this preschool concert, as you can imagine,
and Brin is certainly a performer, your firstborn child, you're
(04:23):
blood and spit my blood, my spit bread. We had
we assumed like, well, he's he was really excited about
It's like we gonna have concert and he knows all
the songs, he knows all the sign language. He's going
to crush it, right, So do you want to describe
what the concert was? So we got to the concert
and Brenn walked in cheerfully into the auditorium with his classmates.
(04:45):
He sat down, he looked excited, and then they just
they start playing a music track that all the kids
are supposed to sing along to while they do sign language.
This is the entire pre k all the several classes,
so up almost a hundred kids. Yeah, and so here's
my take on what I think happened is that the
music just started playing very quickly, and I think Britain
(05:06):
was a little bit thrown by that, and I think
in my mind he like almost immediately was disappointed in
his performance because he wasn't like on beat with the
sign language. Do you know what I mean? I hear
you're saying. I don't think this is the back story
I brought to the story. Um, but it's so so
(05:27):
they start doing this. He's signing along, but he looks
pretty serious, like he's sort of like thinking really hard
about what's happening and not definitely not enjoying it. And
then slowly, over the course of first song, he just
starts crying, just the only kid up there, just quietly crying.
(05:47):
Them are crying, and that's not a hundred kids, that's
it's almost anyway. He uh yeah, he's crying and then
keeps wiping tears off his days and just puts his
arm up in front of his face so that people
can't see him crying. This is why while other kids
are cheerfully singing and doing sign language right next to
(06:09):
him to the sweetest songs about friendship, you got a
friend in me, like make new friends. Wiping of the
tears was like one of those using his full arm
in the back of it. And what I loud cry.
And part of what happened was we were starting, we
were trying to stand on the side so we could see,
(06:30):
which is unfortunately what a lot of parents had to
do to get a good line of sight. And so
all once they started singing, all these parents kind of
like rushed to the wings and held up like fifty
cameras straight at the kids. It was like it was intense,
and I think he was just overwhelmed by the level
(06:50):
of attention that was happening. I think he did not
anticipate that this. I talked to him about it. I
was like, what do you think about the concert at huh?
He goes, it was scary. There's a lot of people
looking at you because yeah, and I want in retrospect
because we got it on video. And he's just got
(07:12):
this mob of parents holding up their phones looking and
you know, our kids. If you look at them and
are like, come on with a big expectant, serious face,
the last thing in the world they're gonna do is
anything you want them to do. They shut down. You're
this way if I'm like, hey, hey, Beth, Beth, Hey,
(07:35):
Beth Beth, you shut down and free, and that's so
pleasant to have that. That's how that's the only way
I can do anything, is somebody's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
They're sensitive children, and it's I felt so weird watching
it because I was like, oh, no, I thought he
(07:56):
was spared this stage fright, Gene. But I also the
more I think about it, the more I think that
you also were very scared of attention at that age,
you know what. That's how true. I My mom took
me to audition for to be like a townsperson in
the high school play when I was in elementary school
because she knew I would love it. And then we
(08:17):
got there and I was like, I'm not going in.
I'm not going in, and I was terrified, and until she,
for the one time in her whole life, bribed me
with a video game and I went in and I
got the part. So I'm afraid of people. But here's
the thing, here's the thing that blew my mind about
(08:37):
it is he started crying and he you know, he
wasn't like terrified, he was just like sobbing and quivering
lip and really sad looking, and it was we were
like laughing, like we I mean, not not so he
can see. He would look at us when we were
giving him encouraging faces, but I was it was so
(08:58):
funny to me because it was the last thing I
expected that. It was so heartbreaking to watch them because
he was just trapped up there like all the this
whole thing happening around him and just like stuck in
the middle of it. It's it's funny you said something
about like the overwhelmingness of it, because to me, it
(09:19):
reminded me so much of walking down the aisle at
our wedding, and it was not like it's not like
a negative emotion. It's just way too much emotion at
once with that many people staring expectantly at you, Like
it's just like a wave of everyone's emotion, you know
what I mean. And it's like it's like very hard
(09:41):
to not have it like well up inside of you.
Well see, that's interesting because again, i mean at our wedding,
it was emotional and it was great, but I'm also
like I'm feeding off of I'm like, great, this is
exactly where I want to be, where everyone wants to
hear from me, and I don't have to hear from you. Wow,
(10:03):
Am I a terrible person? Maybe I'm discovering something having
hurt myself say that out loud just now. Yeah, you're
a real ham at the wedding. Um no regrets anyway. Uh. Yeah.
I felt really bad for him. I mean I was,
(10:25):
I was like empathizing with him, and it was it
was sad, but I was never I knew he was
going to be fine in five minutes and left afterwards
and got a cupcake, and then he was so excited
to show us his classroom. I think I was just
sort of heartbroken for him because he was so excited
for the concert, and it felt like he because he
(10:45):
is good at the sign language, I feel like part
of him was like ready to show off, and then
he just was not prepared for, you know, the level
of attention he was feeling. Yeah, but he's not he's
not dwelling on it. I asked him about it, and
he's very like, oh, yeah, it was very scary. Yeah,
I know, he's fine. He's so. The other thing that
happened this week is you took him to the dentist. Yeah,
(11:08):
I took him to the dentist, and that surprisingly was
like pretty uneventful, even in terms of getting him out
the door, which I thought he would like at some
point throw a fit and not want to go to daycare. Um,
we went with the dentist. It was so quick. They
just went in and they're like counting his teeth and
brushing his teeth and like and he gets to watch
Netflix during it. Yeah, and he was just so quiet
(11:30):
and like not talking to them really like that. He
was like nice, but he didn't really like engage with
them much. He just kind of this is third time
when he's exactly the same in the first two times,
completely helpful, didn't say a word. Yeah, they were like,
he's so calm. I mean, it's the same thing as
the concert when that's an intense attention to be like
(11:51):
we're looking in your mouth and he's like, I will
say nothing. Well, I think, yeah, it's again. It is
just a little overwhelming for him because he's in this
totally new room with like a weird sink and chair.
You know, he's like, just what's happening? Yeah, Um, okay,
it's the end of here's a curveball. Beth, what was
(12:14):
your absolute parenting highlight of the year and your low light.
I literally have no idea, you know what. I heard
the question and I had the same response. I'm like,
what what happened this year? What was the beginning? When
you're a parent and you have a two to four
year old, it's all a blur. It's just a constant blur.
(12:37):
I just should pay somebody to listen to all these
episodes and just tell us about our lives, because I
don't know what happened. I think it was good. I
think it was good. I mean, I think that the
high I guess would be like that we're now starting
to be done with diapers and pacifier, so that's pretty exciting, huge,
(13:05):
And you know, I think it's not really a moment.
It's just the fact that our kids are like kids now,
and that the holidays are like something that they're aware
of and participating in. Um, it's the big difference over
the whole year those things. But I also say that
(13:25):
we had dinner tonight and we all sat around the table,
which felt like the most real family dinner we've ever had,
even though they eventually tried to run away, but we
all had a conversation. We all can talk to each other,
and that was not true at the beginning of the year.
You know what I mean. Well, I mean part of
that is just that we're both home on the same night,
(13:47):
which is a rarity. Um, if if we always had
one of us here to cook dinner while the other
one got the kids, it would be a much calmer life.
This week, you know, both of us took a kid
someplace one on one, and that almost never happens. I
(14:07):
take both of them places all the time, and just
taking Mayven to daycare or taking bryn Uh someplace and
back is so easy. It's like insane comparatively to take
one child because there's so much more helpful because there's
so I think, so excited to have someone's full attention. Yeah,
(14:30):
they do what you want. It's nice to be able
to have that one on one, like be able to
explain things to one of them, like it just we
haven't had that in like two and a half years.
Like it's just like the way Brin had all that
focused attention where we could just like point at things
and tell him that's why Mayven, that's why brit knows
all his letters. Like every I don't know if every
(14:52):
moment I am transporting them now is just me being like,
stay alive, stay alive. Hey, hey, are you staying alive?
Back there? Stay alive. I will pull this car over
if you don't stay alive. Um yeah, that's our whole life.
Um well, great job. I'm proud of you. Yeah. The
low is just that they're so strong. Now. The low
(15:14):
is that Britainway's nine pounds. They're so heavy and strong.
Britain didn't want to I carry him. I was carrying him,
but I'm just like, I don't like carry you. And
I was like, that was the most true thing I've
ever said. Here's the now it's time for would you
(15:41):
Knows Extravaganza. We got a lot of would you knows
questions from you guys after last week's after we have
two weeks in a row, been tearing to shreds. The
would you knows that you've been car I'm joking. I'm joking.
We've we've loved them, but we have we have excited
like we need more specific, more specific, and you listeners
(16:04):
have risen to the challenge you have written. I'm gonna
pick a few here at random, and we're gonna do
more than one is unprecedented. Um, Beth, are you ready?
I'm gonna go. Um. Most recent emails backwards this email
(16:26):
bonjeur from Sunny Perry, France. First things first, you have
a great podcast. The way you compliment each other on
the air is magnifique. Do we compliment each other? I
don't think they mean literally. Oh, compliments are our points
of view and voices compliment each other. But we do
(16:49):
not literally compliment each other. Okay, I get it, I
get it. We are proud parents of a three year
old Claire a k A. Princess. Uh do you do
you give nicknames to your kids? For example Princess Junior
kid one kid too. Nicknames don't last, right, you know,
(17:09):
the classic classic nicknames the first kid, the second kid.
Nicknames don't last very long. Since we try to provide
a gender neutral education and are afraid of long lasting
excuse me, impacts of nicknames, I'm keeping a list of
all her nicknames. Anyway, Well, let's answer that question. First,
(17:31):
we have nicknames for our kids. Yeah, but it's hard
to think of them because like tonight, remember dinner, I
was calling me having little Mama and then they were
like confused that. But um, what do we call the
Bernie boy, Bernie boy. That's the big one, I said,
Bertie boy, I call him. I've realized the gendered thing
(17:54):
that I do without thinking is that I call him
buddy and I call her baby. Yeah. Yeah, I still
call her baby sometimes. But you know what, I don't
think I ever called Brendan baby and like that's an
ingrained male thing in my head. Yeah, and I don't
call her buddy. Probably called her buddy. Call them like
(18:19):
girl and boy a lot like my girl. Yeah, my
baby boy. I like to remind Brinn that he was
my baby. Yeah. What that's that's such traditional mother and
father language, like mother's calling their boys baby boys. Now
(18:39):
I call him baby boy sometimes Bernie Bernie. We sometimes
would call them maybe the little witch. Um, no, we
don't you do well? My family did. They also call
her Honda Grace because she was born in a Honda
and her middle name is Grace. I called her maybe
the other day for the first time without thinking about it.
(19:01):
The weird thing I haven't When she was born, my
dad had a hard time wrapping his brain around Maven.
I think because Mave is such a clear, like Irish
name that he understood being a very Irish man, and
and so he's like Maven. Huh. And so like the
second or third time talking to him after she was born,
and he's like, so, so, how's Mave. I'm like, mavens So,
(19:26):
so you're going with Maven, like, yeah, we named her.
And then my uncle Dan did does the same thing.
He's like, how's Mave or he should go by Maven.
I can see why it's confusing if you just don't
know people with a name, and then it's like like
for your uncle in particular, it's like we're not exactly
(19:46):
people he's thinking about on a daily basis. I guess
I just never really was that aware of the name.
A lot more confusion with Brind's name actually Brian like Mayven,
people tend to understand maybe and they just probably wouldn't
spell it right. But Brin people always think it's Brian
or Brian or like they just um, almost everybody's spells
(20:10):
Brin and may even wrong. Brand more often gets spelled.
I mean, it's our own fault for choosing these names,
but I stand by it. I like the names. That's great.
Um anyway, would you knows challenge simple in quotes DeLorean
slash Honda question. Yes again, but not so many details required. Okay,
(20:36):
you have two time travels in the future allowed for
both of you, not each of you. Oh to collectively,
we can go to the future twice. The DeLorean and
yourselves are ghosts and cannot interact with the future. Each
time travel lasts one minute. The Deloreate allows you to
(20:57):
enter a specific event name, not month or day. What
event would you choose? It has to be kids related,
of course. For example, I have to say, and you
know this is not um. I'm not trying to insult
this person's Every time you start explaining one of these
time travel ones, my eyes just glaze over and I
(21:19):
can't follow any of the information. I just wait. Well,
it's simple, Okay, break it down for it. Okay's having
someone explain a movie. Okay. Yeah. We get to choose
two times to life events of our children's lives in
the future that we can go visit. For example, the
(21:41):
wedding day of May even or Brya spelled correctly, graduation day,
Thanksgiving dinner, father and son, first fishing catch, first fishing catch.
That will probably Okay, So we get to underlying question
is do you have particular expectations for your children. What
would be the most touching uh French pronunciation expected touching
(22:06):
uh for you? Most of the time, the event reflects
what is our main criteria. Oh, it's interesting. Most of
the time the event that we pick reflects what is
our main criteria for success in our life for our children.
Parents want to check out how well their kids have succeeded.
Thank you for all your great work and Viva kids,
(22:28):
Catherine and David. M hmm, interesting question. Um, okay, so
we each just to go to one. I think together
we can do two, okay, but like we're not there
for each other's it's we together get to go see
two big events in our children's future. It's like, when
(22:55):
you think of big events, it's hard not to think
very like heteronormative Lee, because I'm immediately just thinking of
like wedding and like if may even were to give birth,
like I would want, well, I think the most exciting
thing in their lives. I hope. I don't know what
they're going to be because they're two in there, four,
you know what I mean. And the wedding and a
(23:18):
child being born is a really exciting life moment that
often happen. But what is the most exciting that happened
in their life probably is something we we have no
tense of. I think I would just want to pick
up a random point in time to see them old. Yeah,
(23:43):
well you get one when you're there, you get one minute,
so you have to you don't want to pick them accidentally,
pick a moment where they're just like on the toilet. Well,
I get you. You're not just picking a random moment. Yeah,
I think if you're just picking like a day, like
I guess you, I would almost want to do like
a random beach day, you know what I mean, Like
(24:04):
just a long I assume that there's a computer, and
so i'd be you have to be like, okay, Maven's
one hundred and twelve time spending an afternoon at a
beach twelve, because then she'd be a certain age. Okay,
(24:24):
that was convolution. You're really over complicating this. I guess
I'd go I'd want to see something near the end
of their lives, so that I could see as far
into the future as possible, Like I want to see them,
I want to see potentially their kids, their grandkids, because
(24:45):
that's where my jeans are going and selfishly, I'm like,
where where do I end up? In pieces? You want
to see the most, the oldest of them. I want
to see. Here's what it is, Beth. I want to
see their funeral because there's gonna be everyone they know
around talking about them. You're really like, you're really like
(25:10):
quantity over quality right now in terms of like I
want to hear, I want to see a spreadsheet of
their life, full list, give me one minute at the future,
statistics that it will be kept on all humors, prit
me out a list of everywhere they've been. That's what
I want to um. All right, you go, miss quality. Well,
(25:37):
it's it's hard because I can't assume that any of
these things will definitely happen to them. But I feel
like if they were to have kids, I would want
to see that. Okay, so here's the question. What if
we pick a thing that doesn't happen Catherine and David,
we do need details, Relax you. I think the lesson
(26:00):
we've learned this week from the Winter Concert though, it's
just like we can't have any career or performance expectations.
I mean, that's what was so exciting about Brin totally
bombing as I'm like, oh, I don't know what's in
store for him. I mean that that performance is dictating
the rest of his life. But I'm like, you never know.
(26:22):
And that's that's the thing that to the other question
in here is like, how would we gauge success and
boy for better or for worse? I don't think that way,
you know, it's I am. I am much more of
the journey over the destination. And if like, why did
(26:43):
you want to be at the funeral because I wanted
to hear about the journey? Do you know what I mean? Like,
if if I felt I'm not thinking I've never set
like a super specifically to any moment from your child's life,
and you chose the moment when they're no longer alive.
I got excited about seeing their kids and their casket.
(27:08):
I just want to know what kind of casket are
we talking about? I don't know if they didn't waste
money on it? All right, what's your pick? What's my pick?
I already said, did you what did you say? The
random beach day just like a family day, like a
(27:29):
funny day, just hey, my wishes, random funny family day.
You know. Also a lot of people in my mom
group are pretty into this Christmas movie called The Family Stone.
That's a real tear jerker and it's this family has
gotten in it. What oh, Luke Wilson, Yeah yeah, Um,
(27:54):
Sarah Jessica Parker plays a really uptight um woman. She's
it's maybe the best Sara Jessica Parker role. Um. Oh
take that Carry Brad show anyway. Um, it's it's anyway.
I forgot what I bring up, but okay, So it's
like the matriarch has gathered her children for Christmas and
it's like, you know, it's just very much about like
(28:18):
this woman. I don't want to give too many spoilers away,
but you know, obviously she loves having a big family,
and it's like something about that this time of year
makes me like, oh, yeah, I just want to be
with my family, Like, yeah, I had a I had
a thought where for the first now that they're older,
(28:38):
I'm like, I want to do I'm excited about doing
Christmas at home with just our kids, which has not
happened yet and I don't when that will happen. But
the idea of just coming to the Christmas tree in
presence and just being us made me emotional. Yeah, and
it feels like that has to happen soon because their
(28:59):
concept of Christmas is starting to form in their minds
and they're like why are they keep like saying Santa's
coming here? And then we have to explain that he's
not coming here, and then we're going we wrote Santa letter. Yeah,
that's what we told him. Um, I was I told
when we were telling them that that we told Santa
where we're going to be. And I was saying, like,
(29:20):
I told Santa, I was really good this year, and
you know, I was like I did a lot of
really good stuff and I was really great and I
would love to get some presents. And friend was like, Brenda,
maybe we're like I was good. I was good this year.
I was so good. And Brenda's like I was the
biggest great, Like he was the coolest. He's like he
(29:42):
was like I was the coolest, the most. Um anyway, incredible.
So your answer is random family gathering day and mine
is funeral. Um. Great, that's our answer. All Right, We're
gonna go on to number two. Are you ready? Here
(30:02):
we go? Ah, this comes to us from Shannon. First off,
absolutely love your podcast. I've listened to just about every episode,
and you guys really do quote unquote nos parenting. Um
bump bump bump bum you throwing a we nose pun
(30:23):
into a listener email. We will read it. That's on
the we will I'm jumping ahead, jumping ahead. Um. Oh,
by the way, yes, this person is married. The this
doesn't matter. There's an interesting connection to this person. Um. Fascinating.
(30:51):
I wanted to see how you guys had handled this
extremely specific hypothetical situation. There is no reference to time travel,
and it's really not all that exciting, but I'm compelled
to ask nonetheless, Beth, are you excited by that set up? Yes,
let's say that, hypothetically, you live in a big city
where it is ridiculously hard to get your kids into
(31:13):
a good preschool, and you finally found the perfect school.
The only catch is that the preschool is a French preschool.
This is so, we just said a French listener with
a French director, where the teachers will only communicate with
your children in French. You go to the parents only
orient orientation, and the very very nice and very posh
(31:37):
and French preschool director kicks the whole thing off in French.
All the other fancy pants parents around you are wei
wing all along, and the two of you don't speak
a word of French. This is true throughout orientation. The
director addresses the parents a handful of times in English,
but even then her accent is pretty difficult to understand.
(31:58):
Do you send your kids to this preschool? Is king
that they will have superior French language skills and potentially
inferior English language skills. Because of it, you may not
be able to fully understand challenges that your kid faces
at school because of teachers sort of difficult to decipher accent.
Your kids will probably end up talking crap to each
(32:20):
other about your ultra American parenting style in their abusive
secret language right in front of you, French indoctrination of
hating your lazy American parents, and you'll just be cluelessly
bobbing along. I asked this hypothetically, of course, anyway, thanks
for doing the podcast, and thanks for being hilarious to
(32:41):
helping me feel like I'm doing all right at this
parenting thing. Thank you for having beautiful, funny, intelligent children.
Just thank you, love let you through. And I asked
this hypothetically, of course the end in case at this point,
I was nervous that we had to go to a
French parents or this is quite literally happening to her.
(33:03):
And yeah, I do think there must be some personal
inspiration she's having for this question. For this very specific
French based question, I have to say, what is wrong
with public school? Um? Well, that there's a lot of
answers that question depending on where you live. Okay, Well, anyway,
(33:28):
on a more fun note, this is applicable to us
for a couple of reasons. Well, one, we live in
an area where there we live very close to a
French immersion school which we cannot afford, and we have
not considered there is a huge French population in where
we live. I don't know there is. Well, it's because
(33:51):
it's a suburb of New York and some French people
started moving here and then they just the other French
people are like, yeah, us too, we're French. Yeah, so
one side of our town is very French. Um. But
but we are right now considering sending Britain to dual
(34:13):
language kindergarten to Spanish Spanish English, which we're really lucky
is through the public school here. If he gets into
the program, it does not cost us money. So we
do need to do some research and figure out when
and how to apply. I looked it up today and
I still don't know, but it opens up. We need
(34:36):
to do something. You know, we've missed daycare. I'm miss
pre k signed up by four months, but I know
when it opens this year. Yeah. Well, we've been told
supposedly that he if he applies, he could has a
good chance of getting in because of the woman who
runs Sneakcare said he can understand everything they're saying in Spanish. Actually,
(34:57):
I mean, and I this sounds very braggy, but I
do think he has like a pretty good understanding of Spanish.
And here I went, Um, we took him. I took
them to Smash Burger last night and then to Cherry
Tree Yogurt frozen yogurt. And we're going in the yogurt
place and this boy was outside who speaks Spanish and
(35:17):
he was talking to his mom and he was like,
mi amigo. And it was this boy from Brind's class, um,
and it's so funny. And we walked in and like
Prince said high to him. And then as we're walking away,
Brind was like, he talks to me in Spanish. It's
like it's like cool and he has his little other
life out there where he can interact with more people
than us. I mean, there's a huge Spanish speaking population
(35:40):
in our town as well, and that's why this program exists,
I think, mostly for a lot of kids who primarily
speaks Spanish. But day care is every other day in Spanish,
and he's great at him. Like we've read all these
articles about how it's so good for your brain. I
think though, like this French, the question of what the
(36:03):
question of paying a ton of money to speak French
versus learning Spanish for free is a very different question
because Spanish to me is a much more useful language,
at least in this country, and um, French is not
necessarily like opening doors for future job opportunities, you know
what I mean, Like it's I mean, it certainly is
(36:25):
in some context, but in this country contact, yeah, I
mean it could be really it could end up being
really useful. You never know. Um, I just think it's
if if I was like betting money and you kind
of are betting, placing a bet, if you're spending a
lot of money on private school education. UM, I don't know, well,
(36:47):
so I think the hypothetical is basically, it's money is
not an issue. You got into it. Let's say it's
like it's a special public school like a lot of
New York schools, but it's all French. Whereas we're thinking
about sending to brand to a bilingual kindergarten. But will
be will be said, would we send him to an
(37:08):
all Spanish kindergarten? Probably not? Uh, I mean if he's
speaking English at home, I don't know. Well. I would
say if we lived in a neighborhood with with like
underfunded schools with that we're struggling, that didn't have great
(37:29):
teachers or whatever, and the alternative was sending him to
a really good all Spanish speaking school or French, I
would certainly consider it. Um. But it's yeah, that is
the Yeah, the dual language is UM way better than
much more preferable in my mind than just immersion. Yeah. So, Shannon,
(37:57):
I maybe I can I can see why in other
contexts this would be desirable. I just in the context
of our lives. Um, I don't think I would want
to hang out with a bunch of French speaking people
I didn't understand all the time. But Shannon, if this
is happening to you? I think your other option is
(38:17):
probably pretty good. Is this happen to you? Are you okay?
Those quotation marks around hypothetically are really suggestive? Oh boy,
oh boy. So there's that. We're gonna take a quick
(38:38):
break and come back with Yeah, you you got it.
A little bit more Would you knows? Back in a minute,
and we're back for a little bit more of would
you knows? Betthy, you're ready for this? Yes? Would you knows?
(38:58):
Time Traveler part? Hey, guys, I love this, so love
the show so much. Wanted to take on the challenge
presented in the most recent episode to get the time
travel scenario right. Here goes So in the year, scientists
invented away to time travel to the future recreationally, like
(39:19):
a vacation or something. These scientists were afraid that allowing
the public to access this tech would lead to people
returning and acting in ways that drastically affect the future.
So you can only travel in this controlled setting, and
when you return, the person operating the time travel apparatus
gives you a pill that will erase your memories of
(39:40):
the details of your trip. You will remember things like
where you went, but there's kind of this side effect
of the pill that it makes you feel utterly relaxed,
as though you really enjoyed the trip, but I guess
you don't remember the details. You're given a little watch
thing that you can control the settings of your experience
so you can interact, but the default is you are
(40:02):
invisible and only an observer. This is great, This is great,
This is fantastic, And don't worry about all the tech
involved has been it's been tested and deemed safe. Okay,
so y'all decided to go to to visit your kids.
You arrived to find Bryn Spelled with too many ends,
(40:26):
has become incredibly rich and famous. He is a comedian.
He has at a party in Hollywood. At this businessman
approaches him. You listen to their conversation and you infer
the Hollywood business. Bye Brand, Hollywood. Here, I've got a
proposition for you. This dude is a Bernie made Off
(40:47):
type who is trying to trick Brand into investing all
his money in a Ponzi scheme. You guys did Bran
did raise Brian to make good financial decisions. But this
dude is so much has so much charisma. You can
see that he's starting to win britin over do you
choose to interact or do you uh, do you let
(41:08):
brit invest? And then this is great, you checked in
down Maven two and she's doing great in college and
makes good decisions. So don't worry about that. Sorry that
was long, but I hope I figured out this time
travel thing. I have someone just say, um, first of all,
this product of time travel where your brain is a
(41:32):
raised when you get back. She did solve the central
issue over the last two episodes, which is why wouldn't
you just go back in time and tell your kids
not to do that? Right? Right? So, but I have
to say, if someone is selling you a version of
time travel where you're not going to remember it when
you get back, like they're just giving you drugs. They're
not sending you into the future. That's just they're just
(41:58):
knocking you out for a few hours. So I think
listeners need to know first of all, if that if
someone offers you that version of time travel, it's this
is a scamp. And too, if you have just met
someone at a party and they're trying to get you
to invest your fortune, go home and sleep on it.
(42:20):
But maybe the party's at his house. He's rich and
famous in Hollywood, just like Bernie made Off, so would
The question is if so you're able to do a
setting on your watch to then go, hey, I can interact,
you can see me now, don't listen to this dude,
you idiot. I guess I would stop them, But I
(42:43):
also feel like it doesn't matter that much. Like he's
a famous comedian, like he can make more money. This
is a good lesson for him. He clearly needed to
learn it. If he's just giving all that money away,
it's the first person who asked for it, you know what.
The more because I've read a lot of these now
(43:05):
and we've done a lot of these time travel hypotheticals,
and I realized that, like, I don't care, Yeah, I really,
I don't want to constantly save my kids for making
mistakes because they need and they're gonna send them the
world and then it's their problem. I'm not helping them. Ever,
the day they turn eighteen, they are out of this house.
(43:29):
That's not true. M hm. I might feel really different
when I as soon as I'm watching this Bernie Madoff
dude being so charming and like really selling it. But
hypothetically I'm like, yeah, you know what, Brent, if you
can't figure this out, there was nothing I could have done.
(43:50):
It's going to happen somewhere else. Yeah, somebody's gonna scam
you if you're that, you know. I think the scenario
would have been better if he was not rich, and
I think if it was, we should chase this segment too.
Would you like to have? Would you like to know?
Would you know like to knows? How we would improve
(44:11):
your Would you knows? No what? You're not listening? You know?
So tired? Uh? And on that note, we're going to
close this this season of would you know? Ah? Would
(44:37):
you if we knows? Parenting? Where are we? We need
a nap man. We've just done so much time travel
and it messes with your equiliberal it does. I don't
know what this is an alternate reality. I don't know
how to spell brand anymore. But before we uh ended
(44:57):
this segment, I just want to give it another genuine,
heartfelt thank you for everyone to reach out. There's there's more.
Thank you for your questions. They're fun. Maybe we'll start
aside podcast where we only do would you knows? Um?
But you guys are the best and you have made
this year in this podcast worth doing. So thank you, yes,
(45:17):
thank you guys, thank you. We knows You're the best
this has been. We Knows Parenting. If you want to
find us on social media, you can find the We
Knows Parenting page on Facebook. You can find us that
we Knows pod on Twitter and Instagram. Go to we
(45:37):
knows Parenting dot com to get more information episodes. Please like,
uh sorry, rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes wherever you
get your podcasts, and yes, what you can do get
We're celebrating Christmas next week. You want to get us
to present UM subscribe, write us on the Apple Podcasts
and we'll just go as we read it. And if
(46:00):
you guys would like to submit any questions, share stories,
or give some advice, or you can email us at
we knows pot at gmail dot com or leave us
a voicemail at three four seven three eight four seven
three nine six. You guys, have an incredible New Year's
(46:20):
We will see you in UM in nineteen. We love
you
We Knows Parenting News
Hosts And Creators
Beth Newell
Peter McNerney
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