February 7, 2024 • 55 mins
Jesse Tyler Ferguson went from being a shy kid to being a successful actor on Broadway and the big and small screen . . . and now he's a successful podcast host too! Is there anything he can't do?
The actor joins Sophia to chat about his journey to becoming an actor, which started at the tender age of eight, how he feels now looking back on his "Modern Family" days, fun stories from the set, and juggling home and work life with two little ones at home!
Plus, the scoop on his podcast "Dinner's On Me," including upcoming guests and favorite restaurants you should check out!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi everyone, It's Sophia, Welcome to Work in Progress. Hello friends,
Today we have a guest who I am just so
thrilled to welcome to the podcast. He is funny, He
(00:22):
is a brilliant comedian. He is an incredible actor, producer,
and an incredible dad to two of the sweetest little
kids around. And he also happens to be a fellow
foodie guys. Our guest today is none other than Jesse
Tyler Ferguson. You likely know him from the pivotal role
of Mitchell Pritchett on the ABC sitcom Modern Family. He
(00:45):
just received a casual five Emmy Award nominations over the
run of the show. I've been lucky enough to see
him on stage when he takes Broadway by storm. You
might have also seen him in Taylor Swift's music video
for You Need to Calm Down Out and about raising
funds for equality with his wonderful husband, Justin Mikida. They
(01:05):
got married back in twenty thirteen and they have two children,
Beckett and Sullivan, who you will hear about today. I
love everything about his story, from how they met and
fell in love and became dads to all the way
back when when Jesse grew up in Albuquerque and how
he decided to go to New York. His story is inspiring, exciting,
and has led him to his latest venture, his wonderful podcast,
(01:29):
Dinners on Me. We're going deep, We're opening up, and
we're gonna laugh, enjoy. I'm so excited to see you.
How are you to see you?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I'm great. I talk about you a lot with Clolton
and Jordans. You do, I've been seeing a lot of them.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Oh, I love that. I want to come next time.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Okay, we'll invite you next time.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yes, my sweeties, they're very good. They're so good. I'm
just so happy for them.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Me too, Me too?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
And how are you? How is your love? How are
your little ones? Everybody good?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Everyone's great, Sullivan. Our youngest is fifteen months now, and
that gets three and a half, and you know, we're
negotiating all of that, but it's really fun and Justin's good.
Everyone's good.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
I'm so glad. I feel like negotiating with a three
year old is a little bit like negotiating with a
really adorable terrorist.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, and you know that the terrorist
is going to win.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Oh yeah, yeah. My godson's two and a half and
he I mean he is. He just seems like a litigator.
Now he's like a professional button pusher and very like,
but Mama Auntie, why no, no, you just like I
don't have time for the two of you, and we're like,
oh my god, who are you.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
It's funny because Justin's a lawyer and he's really good,
like it's hard to argue with him. He like brings
up like if I can bring in, you know, exhibit A.
When you said this, I'm like, oh my god, it's
terrible arguing with you because you are really like good
at I forget anything and now back I think has
inherited that from Justin. And Justin's like, oh wow, that's
(03:24):
what I do. Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
I love it. Well, that is hilarious. Okay, this is
actually kind of a perfect segue because I always really
like to start with people and go way back because
you know, I sit across from people like you. You're
so well known, you're so talented, you know, as an actor,
and you're out advocating, you do all these big projects.
(03:47):
But in the ways that you are talking about how
you see Justin and your kid in your kids and yourself.
I'm sure. I'm wondering if you look back, like if
we rewind way before we all knew mister Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Like,
who were you as a child? Do you see traits,
(04:09):
you know in your adult self when you look back
at a little version of you who is like nine
or ten years old.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Yeah, I do. And also it's strange because I noticed
myself talking to my kids, and then I have these
like moments where I flash back and I'm having core
memories that I didn't even realize I had, because I'm
like having deja vu, or like I'm the kid and
I'm my parents, And sometimes it's really cool and sometimes
it's terrifying. But yeah, I definitely, I definitely see a
(04:44):
lot of myself in Sullivan's. Sullivan's genetically mine and that
gets genetically connected to Justin. Each had an embryo that
we implanted, so we each have one that is genetically
connected to us, and it's really astonishing at how close
they are connected to us. But then also what's crazy
is seeing how Justin's traits influence Sully and Sully's and
(05:08):
you know, mine influence Beckett, and it's it is definitely
a case for nurture over nature. You know, you see
those those traits happening with your kids. I don't know.
I mean I I as a kid, I was very
very shy and very very emotional, and I see that
(05:30):
in Beckett and I still feel like that is instilled
in me, and I've just learned how to navigate it better.
I mean, as an actor, you can't be shy, you know,
that's something you just you can't do. But like if
you really, if you really went into my body in
one of those moments where I'm like one of those
Hollywood parties or like you know, in an audition or
(05:51):
something like, I am not as confident as I'm appearing
to be on the outside, for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Oh Sam, I'm absolutely the same.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah, I don't know. I think maybe that's a trait
you have to have a little bit of to be
an artist, right as you're super.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Sensitive, right and you have to pair that with being
thick skinned as well and not letting small things, you know,
bowl you over, which is hard. It's a hard it's
a hard line to toe, and you know, to be
someone who allows their emotions to come to the top
because that's what we need to access and then still
(06:27):
protect it. It's like, you know, it's like being okay
with like an open mound for the day and like
nothing a band aid on it, like the like I
just need, I need to access to this, but at
the same time, I want to keep myself safe. So
it's hard. It's a hard thing to figure out, but
I definitely see I see small glimmers of that in
my kids, where they're like figuring out, you know, how
(06:49):
to uh negotiate with us and their friends and also
get the things that they need and express the things
that they want to express. But then also you know,
they have no they have no rule books for them,
and this is all new for them, and so everything
is on the surface and I don't know, it's kind
of me justin and I'm more open to having temper tantrums.
(07:10):
The Dustin and I kind of like a big fight,
and he was completely acknowledging that he was having a
temper tantrum. He's like, this is me. Nothing I'm saying
is has any logic to it. I can't defend any
of these things that I'm saying, but I am feeling them,
and I'm sorry you're the one who's happy to deal
with it, but I'm basically having a temper tantrum. I
(07:30):
was like, it's okay, I know how to deal with
tempertantionments now, Like you know.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, that's so interesting actually that seeing your kids be
freer with their feelings in a way allows you to
be because you're you're right. It's it's sort of this
emotional whiplash. Is the way I talk about being an actor.
You're supposed to be completely exposed but also completely composed
at all times and the consummate professional and like a
(07:56):
good soldier at work and all the things, and then
you know, in a moment's notice, open your whole chest
cavity up for everybody to look in, right, And how
kind of cool that as an adult, you're getting a
permission slip to have those less polished feelings from your children.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, well, for sure, you know, but we also just
set an example. And I was like, you know, there's
so many times where like I would normally react one way,
and I don't react that way because I don't want
to set a bad example. And that you know, I
can held my hold myself accountable at times in ways
that I wouldn't necessarily allow myself to, like, you know,
(08:36):
react how I wanted to react.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
So yeah, it's like there's a lot of growth on
both sides of the coin. That's so cool. It's it's
interesting to hear you talk about you being shy as
a kid. I actually, when I was prepping for today,
I was reading some older articles and I was like,
oh my god, I actually didn't know. I didn't know
the story of you getting into a local theater as
(09:00):
a child, and you are such an embodied performer and
you're so funny. I never would have guessed that you
were a shy kid. So how how did a shy
little boy wind up wanting to sign up for theater?
Like what? I know what happened?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, my mom was so confused by that. When I
told her I wanted to join the Albagaque Children's Theater.
She you know, I was a kid who is bullied
a lot in school. I was very quiet. I kept
myself during lunch hour because you know, that was sort
of like when it was the Wild Wild West, the
playground and like you know, the teachers kind of disappeared
(09:41):
and it was like every man for himself. Yeah, and
so I. You know, I was just a very quiet kid.
I kind of wanted to disappear and like not not
make myself too flashy or too scene because that probably
would lead to some unwonted attention that would ultimately lead
to bullying. That was just my experience, and so I
was sort of always in protection mode. And there was
(10:02):
something my mom took me to go see the show
and I saw kids performing for other kids in this
company called the APPLECA Children's Theater, and I immediately wanted
to be on the other side of the footlights. I
didn't want to be sitting in the audience wow. And
I asked my mom if I could get involved, and
I think because I was so shy, she was just
(10:23):
like anything that any glimmer of something. And I understand
this now as a parent. You know, anytime my children
show interest in anything, I'm like, do you want to
explore more? Or that? You know, like they tapped their
foot once, so I'm like, are we going? Are we
doing tap class? So, like, my mom definitely noticed that
I was interested in something and jumped in and nurtured
that and helped me along. And it was one of
(10:44):
those things where I found this group of people that
understood me and that I felt at home with and
I felt comfortable with, and I was not singled out
as the weird one anymore. It's like we were all
kind of like wacky kids and you know, playing theater
games and it was all really innocent. We weren't like
diving into Chekov or Shakespeare or anything. It was just
(11:05):
like dumb theater games and you know, we perform alise
in Wonderland, you know, at the end of the spring,
and like that was it. It was all that that
it was. But I definitely found community in a way
that I hadn't before, and that community is what, you know,
I guess made me feel safe to become more of
who I am. And it was just also a very
(11:26):
early seed of me realizing that I needed to wherever
I was, I needed to continue to find those types
of people for myself because you know, my my schools
that I was growing up and didn't have a great
arts program. It was very sports centric, and it's just
it wasn't catered to someone like me. I was, you know,
not interested in sports. I was an indoor kid, and
(11:49):
I yeah, I liked expressing myself through other ways and
It's why, you know, I when I moved to New York,
I felt like, Okay, I'm in the right place and
I'm around right people, and but yeah, I'm glad. I
found that kernel of community at a very early age,
and I probably didn't even recognize that that's what it
was at that age. It just felt comfortable and I
(12:12):
felt safe, which was really lovely.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
That's so special and what a cool place for you
to come out of your shell and you know, find
your confidence, literally find your voice on stage? Did once
you started? Were your parents just all in on supporting
that for you? Like, what did you becoming a young
performer sort of do in your family dynamic?
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Yeah, I mean they were. It was just like an
extracurricular thing. Like my sister would go to tap class
and my brother would have basketball, and I would do theater.
It's just you know, they they would have to come
see this thing that I was performing, you know, once
or twice a year, and it was always, you know,
let's be honest, not great. And so I think for
my entire family it was kind of like, oh, theater
is this thing that's kind of boring and not you know,
(13:01):
super exciting, and we sort of have to like endure
it for a certain amount of time. But I was like, well,
you know, is Ben's basketball game anymore exciting? They're just kids,
Like they barely know how to play basketball. Like I
was like, none of these events that were going to
my sister's tap classes and anything super exciting. It's not
river dance like you. So yeah, but they were very
(13:21):
very supportive, and you know, we were all encouraged to
support our siblings and their different you know, adventures, and
but I definitely was I felt like my sister understood
the arts a little bit because she was very involved
in dance, but definitely like my dad and my brother
and maybe sometimes my mom just like they didn't really
fully understand like where the joy in theater was.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
You know, well, yeah, they weren't in rehearsals in the
circus troop.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
With right exactly. You know, they were just they weren't
there for the fun stuff. But I always felt very
very supportive by them.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
So cool follow that that's really special. Was it a
total culture shock for you to move from Albuquerque to
New York And did you go for theater or a
job or to find a job, like what motivated the move?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
I always knew that I wanted to move to New York,
even when I didn't know what New York was. I
my exposure to New York was like from the films,
from watching you know, Broadway shows on the Tony Awards,
and you know, like just like kids' books, kids books
(14:36):
at New York. You know, I had this very like
idyllic like idea of what New York was. And I
went to New York for the first time on a
high school tour with my my local theater company, and
I was the youngest person on this tour by like
thirty years. It was mostly like blue Hairs and me
and I just fell in love with the city. I
(14:57):
saw like, you know, eight shows in five days. So
I knew that was my first exposure to New York
and I just knew I had to find my way
back there as soon as I could. And after after
high school, I went to the the American Musical and
Dramatic Academy in New York City, which I had been
accepted to, and my dad drove me there across the
(15:18):
country and bladed up things and you know the back
of his suburban car and uh, you know, watching a
man with the suburban from New Mexico. Drive through the
streets of New York City is terrifying. You know. We
were just a massive car from a Midwest and just
you know, he was terrified to drive and all these
(15:39):
one way streets was it was a mess, but he
got me there safely, and yeah, I just felt I
couldn't believe that I actually had a bed in the
city that I had always wanted to live in. It
was so I think like it was a culture shock
in ways, and that I felt like the world was
open to me, but I wasn't. It wasn't a shock
that scared me. It was a shock that was really
(15:59):
super excited.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Well, and especially to go into the city and go
right into an academy of the arts, I bet just
felt like the next sort of evolutionary step in that
community where you found yourself in the first place.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, and it was a safety net too. I mean,
for me, it was mostly about being in New York
City and I didn't really care how I was going
to find a way to be there. But the Academy
of Dramatic Arts definitely gave me a safe landing spot.
And you know, obviously it was wonderful being in acting
classes and meeting other aspiring actors from different places. But
(16:37):
for me, I think I really just needed to find
a way to get to New York and that was
sort of my ticket to the city I wanted to
live in.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Yeah, we'll be back in just a minute, but here's
a word from our sponsors. I love the image of
you and your dad and the suburban trying to naw
the gay Manhattan. It's so sweet, and that you, you know,
talk about him and your relationship. I also I've laughed
(17:04):
hearing you talk about how you had to come out
to your dad three times. Yeah, like, yeah, it feels
like an amazing but it feels like a movie. It
feels like a scene in a comedy that you would watch,
which I imagine it probably was much more emotional and different.
You know.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I r l right. I like that it exists because
it's it's a fun, like quirky thing to talk about
when you're talking about your coming out experience. And I
still going to sort of make fun of my dad
for it, because you know, obviously he knows now, like
he's it's all clear. He was at my wedding, He's
seen you know, he loves his he's right, but it
(17:43):
is fun to sort of hold that over his head
for sure.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Was that a conversation you were having when you were
still at home or did you need the buffer of
New York to feel like you could talk to him
about who you are.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
I don't know if you've heard this, Sophia, but my
I sort of I feel like I came out. I
came out in my eyes officially when I was caught
stealing gay pornography from Hastings Books when I was sixteen
years old. For me, I feel like that was a
pretty clear coming out, right, you know, I was stealing
gay porn.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Write the writing's on the wall, or the magazine.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
On the wall, literally magazine. Yeah, And so for me,
I was always like, okay, well, at least I don't
have to come out to my parents, like it was
awful because I was being punished for shoplifting. But I
was like, well, you know, also, I got to sort
of kill two birds with one stone. I shoplifted for
the first time and got caught doing what we I
shouldn't have done, but also like they know I'm gay now,
and then it didn't seem like that was enough. And
(18:41):
so my mom when I went to school. She wrote
me a letter. We still talked in person about this,
but we had sort of talked around it, but not
directly at it. And she wrote me a letter saying,
you know, I This was after she came to visit
me for a week in New York and she met
my roommate who was sort of dating at the time.
And I think, you know, anyone probably with two eyes
(19:04):
could have seen what was happening, right, And uh so
she's saying, I know that you're gay and probably together
with your your friend and your roommate, and I just
want to let you know that I'm here if you
want to talk about it. And so it was very sweet.
And she told my dad you know that she had
that conversation with me to a letter, and so I
(19:26):
was like, okay, good now, my dad actually, you know,
he really knows. And then clear then he came to
visit me in New York and he asked if I
had a girlfriend, and I was like, okay, Dad, are
not what are we not getting here? So that's when
I kind of verbally officially came out to him. But
(19:46):
so sweet, Yeah, yeah, it was a little bit rocky.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
I wonder if I wonder if he was like, well,
if he hasn't told me, maybe I need to ask
better questions. Maybe I should pulk around and see if
he'll say it to me. He said, it does.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Yeah, it totally tracks with like who my dad is,
and I love that he like kind of is. He's
a bit vulnerable at times and that can be a
bit a bit uh, what's the word I'm looking for?
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Naive?
Speaker 2 (20:13):
He's very in a really sweet way. So yeah, I'm
not super surprised now that I've kind of watched him
operator as an adult that that's sort of like where
he was at. Yeah, it's also you know, when we
sort of were talking about this, me and my dad,
I remember him at one point. We've had bumps even
after that where he sort of asked me questions that like,
(20:35):
you know, why do you play some gay roles or
you know, why is it so important for you to
you know, always talk about you know, you being out,
And a lot of times it was just him sort
of being inquisitive, but it felt like he was sort
of berating me a little bit or not like fully
he wasn't fully on board with like my my life
and my choices, So it caused some friction between us,
(20:58):
and I know that. At one point he said, you know,
this is I was raised a very different way, and
these are things that I just I have a hard
time sort of I'm programming for myself. And I can
totally understand that, because you know, we've all been raised
in certain ways, and we all have trauma and baggage
that we carry through from childhood and from the way
(21:19):
we were raised. And sometimes it's great and sometimes it's
not great. And you know, I told my dad, I
was like, look, you were at this time of his life.
He was probably in his early sixties, and I was like,
you know, you have so many more lives, so many
more years ahead of you. It's just such a disservice
to you as a person to say I'm done growing
and like I can't continue to see the other side
(21:42):
of things and I'm a fully formed, completed human being
sketched in stone, Like that doesn't make any sense to me.
Like we are all capable of change and growth, And
why just because you're over the age of fifties you
feel like you can't grow? Yeah, And he I think
he heard that, and he started going to pee flag
meetings and which is an organization that is in supportive
(22:06):
of parents who have gay kids. It's like he loves
the support group my dad, so you know, he sort
of dove all in and was a great it was
a really great advocate. So I'm really proud of him.
And I think also that growth for me is beautiful. Like,
I love that he had that, and I love that
he experienced that with my encouragement, and I you know,
(22:31):
when I look at Modern Family and I look at
the relationship that they wrote for me and Ed O'Neill,
who played my dad on TV, like he also had
a very tricky time, you know, accepting his gay son
on the show. And I've loved that that's the story
they told us. I think it's obviously very real. Yeah,
and it's it's something I think that a lot of
(22:53):
people can relate to. And I think that struggle is
part of you know, is also part of a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Yeah. Well, and what I love about the way you're
sharing this with me is that you're talking about loving
someone through their imperfections, through their fears. You know, I
know so many parents who fear anything that might make
(23:20):
it harder for their kid to have an easy life.
And that doesn't mean the fear is right, it doesn't
mean anyone should act out of it, but you being
willing to speak to your dad in that way where
you were clear and encouraging, but also like willing to
stand in front of him and challenge him to grow
more love more, Like I think that's how we journey together.
(23:45):
And what a beautiful thing you got to do in
your own life, and to your point, you got to
set an example of on screen. It wouldn't have been
as interesting to watch a story where everybody was just
perfectly on board with everybody from the beginning. Like then
there's no comedy, there's no drama, there's there's nothing to
watch but to model loving people through their friction, meeting
(24:10):
them where they are and helping them grow for the
days where it's good and the days where it's bad. Like,
I think that's the best of us and how ye
how beautiful that you got to do it in your
family and also like sort of sparkly, I hate to
be like feels like fate and sound like the most
la person in the world, but it feels sort of
faded that you got to represent that story on the show.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Yeah, no, for sure, And you know, I think a
lot of that was sparked from me telling stories about
my dad. And I told the writers that that I
did sort of have to come out to him three times,
and they thought that was hilarious, and so, you know,
I think a lot of you know, in the pilot episode,
they had a sort of already laid groundwork down that
that Jay is sort of, you know, cautiously. You know,
(24:55):
he's he's cautious around his sun and you know, he
basically knocks every time he walks into a room because
he thinks they're going to be like naked and making out.
But it was fun to sort of offer them some
sort of nuances to that idea, that trope of a
father who's still growing.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Yeah, what do you feel like? I mean, you had
so many incredible seasons, you brought us all so much
joy for so long. What do you feel like in
hindsight when you look back at it, you learned about
yourself playing Mitchell? Like, what is being part of a
show like that when you really have digested it and
(25:33):
sat with it On the.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Other end, Yeah, I mean it's I continue to remind
myself that when I was growing up, I didn't have
that example of someone on television. I didn't have an
aspirational pop culture figure to sort of look toward. And
I can confidently say that that exists now, and that
(25:56):
I'm not the only one who makes that exist. I
think a lot of people held the door open for me,
and I certainly hope, I hope that I'm holding the
door open for others. But I think there's so much
more representation on television now than there was, you know,
even just yesterday. I mean, but I think we're all
constantly getting better, and there's still so much much work
to be done. But I you know when you're when
(26:18):
you're in it, and you know this from just being
you know, a professional actress yourself, Like when you're in it,
it's like you have to you have to sort of
shut out the noise of like of the things that are,
you know, influencing your work, and especially if it's cultural
things Like I never wanted to feel like Eric and
(26:39):
I weren under pressure to represent an entire community with
these characters like I just I needed we needed just
to make them real, and we need to needed to
make them funny, and we needed to make them relatable,
and we wanted people to fall in love with them.
That was sort of what our work was. We sort
of have to shut it out, and through shutting it out,
through shutting out, like the cultural noise of the importance
(27:00):
of these characters are the importance of the show.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
You know.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
I think we sometimes weren't allowed to let ourselves really
breathe in the moment when it was happening, and I
have time myself like, we have to really enjoy this.
We have to really enjoy this because this isn't going
to last forever. But at the same time, we had
a job to do, so it was it was sort
of impossible to separate yourself too far from it. But
now there's a whole new generation of kids like discovering
(27:25):
modern family for the first time. And I meet these
people and I'm like, oh, you were you were not
born when the pilot air, Like you were discovering this
now on Netflix or wherever it's airing, And we have
a whole new fan base, which is really exciting. So
now when I'm meeting those people, I definitely allow myself
to get swept up into sort of how how much
(27:50):
of a privilege it was to be able to play
those Roles.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Yeah, sure, I love that. It's funny feel. I kind
of feel the same way about One Tree Hell now. Yeah, Like,
you know, we did it for nine years. It some
of our experiences were great and some were not so great.
And when we first finished, it was like, don't talk
to me about it. And we all felt this. All
of us were like, we're done, We're moving on. We're
(28:15):
going to the next thing. We don't want to talk
about it, dwell on it, whatever. And now you know,
I'll meet I meet these young girls that are in
college who've just discovered the show, and they're like, Brook
Davis taught me to never settle for a man who
doesn't deserve me, and she taught me, and they like,
they give me these life lessons from this character. And
I'm and I'm obsessed. Yeah, I am in love with it.
(28:36):
And I am like in love with this person that
I played in a way now that I couldn't have
been when we were doing it, nor could I even
have been I think in the immediate years after we
were done. And now I'm just like, oh, I'm obsessed
with her. Like you think you're her biggest fan, I'm
her biggest fan, you know. It's so funny.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Does it feel to you sometimes that for me, it
feels like another life, Like I don't know who that
person is. Good. I mean, when I was doing the show,
I didn't have kids, Like there was just so much
that was different then. My life was so different. I'm
living in a house that I didn't live in when
I was doing the show. Like, it just feels like
this weird, sort of alternate universe that I inhabited for
(29:17):
a little while.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Well way, the only way I know how to describe
it to people is that it's a very strange experience
of temporary permanence. Season to season. You have no idea
if you're going to get picked up. It takes your
whole entire life. But also you're supposed to maintain your
real life outside of the thing. I think for us
(29:39):
it was even trickier because we were on location, so
I would live in North Carolina for ten months out
of the year, and no matter what, I always sort
of felt like I couldn't hold everything up. I was
like spinning a few too many plates, right, And it
is really weird, it feels because it kind of feels
like a time warp. You're like, that was my whole life,
(29:59):
but it also wasn't my real life. And it's both,
and it's I don't know, I'm like it is is
being on a show like the shows we were on
for as long as we were Is that the Schrodinger's
cat of being an actor? Like, I don't know, is
it alive or dead? It's both?
Speaker 2 (30:15):
It's nothing right right, right, right? I know, I know,
it's it's a it's a wild, wild job. I mean
tymeer Roll and I would sometimes just burst into laughter
because you couldn't believe that this was a job that
a grown person would do. Yeah, like you know, memorizing
words that you didn't write and putting pretending to be
someone else. Like we would just sometimes get the giggles
(30:36):
because like we would catch each other doing the doing
the job, like doing this ridiculous thing that we're supposed
to do is probably the character and then like catching
the eye one that they'd be like that, this is ridiculous, that's.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Like what are we doing me to do this?
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (30:50):
No, it's so crazy. Yeah, and now a word from
our sponsors who make this show possible. It's so all
encompassing being on something like that and a schedule like that,
(31:10):
how did you manage to figure out how to carve
out time for your other passions? Because to your point,
you know, you didn't have kids yet when you were
on the show, but you'd met your now husband, you know,
you were building a life, and then you'd go and
do amazing theater. I mean, my god, I got to
come and see your one man show. Yeah, that like
(31:31):
knocked my socks off, it was so fun. How how
did you figure out how to make room for your
life inside of a project that basically took up your
whole life?
Speaker 2 (31:42):
Yeah, I mean I started to feel a little bit
of security with with Modern Family after you know, I
mean we won an Emmy right out of the gate
for Best Comedy. But you know again, like so cooled
the rest of development, and that also was canceled after
a few seasons. So because after a few years, I
sort of felt like, Okay, this thing is definitely going
to stick around for a little while. So I was
able to relax a bit and really sort of let myself,
(32:05):
let myself go and fall into other projects when I
had a hiatus. But also, I mean, theater never for me,
never took a backseat to doing film and television. I
always that's where my first love is, and doing TV
was this like weird thing that I sort of fell
into and I love doing it and I love the
(32:25):
job and I love the job security it gave me.
But I sort of also was grateful that then it
allowed me to go do you know, Shakespeare in the
Park for you know, six weeks in the summer and
not get paid a ton, but still be okay to like,
you know, pay the bills at the end of the
summer because I was had saved enough. So it sort
(32:46):
of gave me freedom to do other things. And you know,
in in terms of that one man show that you saw,
I was playing forty different characters and working with silent. Yeah,
it's crazy.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Will you tell listeners at home a little bit about it?
Because I am still not over it and it's been years.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
It's so funny. So it's a show called Fully Committed.
It's a one man show, and it's about a reservationist
who works at a very very high end restaurant and
his coworker has not shown up for that day's work
and so he's just slammed when the line's open for
the restaurant taking reservations. And the whole play takes place
(33:25):
over the phone, So he plays not only himself, but
he plays all the people trying on the other end
of the line trying to get reservations to this restaurant.
He plays the chef, he plays the maitre d, he
plays the hostess, he plays the restaurant critic who's trying
to get in. He plays his father. You know, he's
also on the phone with throughout the day. And you know,
it's a really challenging piece, and every actor who sort
(33:49):
of tackles it, no, it's gonna be a challenging piece.
So I knew going into it. This was the first
Broadway revival of it. It had only been off Broadway before
when I was offered this, and so I think I'd
started working on it about a year before actually started
official rehearsals, just memorizing the play and working with a
dialect coach on my own time, trying to figure out
what these different characters sound like. You know, she also
(34:13):
worked at Juilliard, so she would sometimes have her students
who are from different places, record them saying the lines
so that I could maybe sort of you know, imitate
them to sort of get the authenticity down. But then again,
it's a play where there are forty characters and are
snapping between, you know, between themselves really quickly, and you're
basically in dialogue with yourself. So there was also this
(34:35):
this job of like not being too subtle and too
real with anything, because these people need to be immediately recognizable.
So it was it was a really tough line to
to figure out when it comes to tone and just
the brevity of like not brevity levity, which is the
exact opposite the levity of like, you know, the just
(34:58):
having to learn a huge, you know, ninety minute play
that no one else is speaking in it always.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
I mean it was breathtaking. I have rarely been so entertained.
And also at the end of the play, I was
exhausted for you. Yeah, like when you actually greeted everyone backstage,
I was like, are you okay? Why are you hunging
us go home? Like does someone have an ice bag
for you?
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (35:23):
I mean it was it was really astonishing. It's so
cool to hear that you had the sort of wherewithal
to say, oh, I'm going to spend a year prepping
even before rehearsal, because this is such a big thing.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
There was no way. But I did drive my Modern
Family cast members crazy because I would trust that accents.
I think actually Sophia was even like, there's an opportunity
at the end of the play for a little cameo
of someone who just picks up the phone. It's a celebrity,
and I think in the original version of like Wwyneth
paltr or something, but I did Sophia instead, so funny
a little cameo, so she even made it into the play.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
It's so cuty. How I mean, you have such a
work ethic and obviously such passion for what you do.
And you're a producer and you you are, you're working
in film and television, You're doing incredible theater, You're keeping
that beautiful you know, industry going. How how do you
and Justin navigate the intensity of your work lives and
(36:22):
how much you both love what you do Now that
you have two little kids, do you do you sort
of have to trade off at certain times or do
you just have a village that helps when you're both
slammed A little bit of all about.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
A little bit of both. I mean, it's tricky because
you know, as an actor, you you get these opportunities,
and sometimes they take you away for a few weeks
and we have to sort of rewagyh about, you know what,
before I would just do everything that I wanted to do,
and I have to really think about so I need
to be away for six weeks or two months. And
Justin's been very good about stepping in when he needs to.
(36:58):
But you know, when I was doing the play last
I was doing to play last year on Broadway, and
our son was born during that time, so I came
home for the birth. I was here for a few days,
and then I had to go back to New York
to finish the run, and so I would go back occasionally,
you know, for my days off. But I was home
for like maybe twenty three hours and having to turn
around go back to New York. So it was a lot,
(37:20):
and I know that during that time it was really
taxing on Justin. So you know, I knew that when
I came back, not only was I going to be
like hitting the ground running with the kids, but like
I needed to carve out time for him to get
away and spend time with his friends and sort of
turn off a bit because he had definitely picked up
the slack so he definitely earned, you know, that that
(37:41):
time alone. But I try and like be very cognizant
of the fact that when I do go away, you know,
it's a lot on him.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Right.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
He's also been very good about reminding himself that when
I go away, I am working. It's not like I'm
just I love what I do so much. I'm so
lucky that like my job brings me so much joy.
But it is, you know, it's a it's a full
time thing when you're when you're in work mode, and yeah,
you have to really take care of yourself and you
have to go to betterly and like even if you
have a long day on set where there's like big
(38:15):
breaks in the day, like you're not just resting, you're
trying to always like be prepared for them when you're
being called to set, and so it's exhausting. And so
he's reminded that, you know, I also am not on
vacation when I'm doing this fun thing that I love doing, Right,
I just I'm lucky that I got to be enjoying
my job.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yeah, yeah, I mean it's so cool and the and
the things that it enables you to do. I mean,
even you guys. You know, launching Tie the Not, you know,
creating an organization that is near and dear to your
heart is something that you get to go out and
talk about because you have this great, big platform right right.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
That was very important to us for sure.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
Yeah. Can you can you tell our listeners a little
bit about it?
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Sure? Yeah. I mean Justin's always been an activist, He's
been very politically active. When I met him, he was
graduating from law school and was working on the Proposition
eight case, which was Proposition that was that was it
took away marriage rights for saying sex couples here in
California back in like two thousand and eleven or something,
(39:23):
and we we formed Tie the Knot, which was an
organization that raised money for the people in the trenches
fighting for marriage equality. Specifically, we were kind of fighting
for Prop eight to get overturned and then and then
from there we were obviously looking towards full federal marriage
equality across the United States. But we are are founded.
(39:47):
We raised money basically by selling bow ties, which was
you know, a kind of funny, quirky, interesting, lighthearted way
of nodding to a marriage. And then you know, we've
sold a lot of other products as well. But I've
alway always been the type of activists who doesn't really
use a bullhorn, Like I don't really need to be
arrested on the steps of city hall like I like to.
(40:08):
I like to to definitely use my voice and make
make myself heard. But I find that doing it the
more a light hearted way, and through comedy and through
you know, just being more authentically who I am is
just a better thing for me. So this foundation really felt,
it felt it felt unique, and it felt very I
don't know, it felt personal, and it felt it felt
(40:31):
like it was very It came from our hearts, like
we really you know, we're able to raise money doing
something that felt like it was authentically us. So we
raised over a million dollars of the course of Type
Not and then we recent rebranded Type not to pronoun
So we're still we're still raising money for the LGBTQ community,
(40:52):
but it's a bit of a broader scope that we're
raising money for. It is the longer marriage e quality,
which we now have achieved, but you know, LGBTQ rights
and trans writes and all that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
So yeah, I'm a larger umbrella of equality that you
know so many people unfortunately are trying to chip away
at year after year. I can't remember did I ever
send you the picture I wore one of your bow
ties was like a sort of like a burgundy chocolate
with little owls on it. And the little owls are
(41:23):
like in blue and yellow and I wore it with
a navy tuxedo that I had. Okay, good, I was like, wait,
do you have that photo?
Speaker 2 (41:29):
I'm obsessed, I do. You've always been such a supporter
of us.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Oh well, I just adore you guys, and you know
you've You've always just been so kind and wonderful, and
you know, I'm a I'm a fan of what you
both do. But I'm a fan of you guys as humans.
Thank you me cuty okay, And as if you don't
do enough things with all of your activism in theater
and film and television and being a dad. You have
(41:54):
a podcast, talk to Us about Dinners on me. I'm
obsessed with it, mostly because all I want to do
is eat, and I just I love it. I have
so many questions. Tell the people what you're up to?
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Yes, So I have this podcast that I started. I
guess about a year ago. I mean, my career has
always been a series of things that I didn't expect
to do that I've been given opportunity to do and
then I ended up enjoying. So I when these jobs
come to me that I'm like, I never imagine myself
as that. I really take a beat and I think, okay,
but is it something that I might have fun doing?
(42:28):
And this was certainly one of those opportunities. I never
wanted to have a podcast. I had been on a
million of them. You know, it just seemed like an
extra job that I would have to do, but I
didn't know I was I was like, I'm not going
to know if I if I enjoyed doing this unless
I actually do it. So I accepted the offer to
host this podcast, and the producers knew I was a
big foodie and they had this idea of sort of
(42:49):
combining my love of food and eating out a restaurant
with a conversation. And you know, I feel like the
best conversations happened of a really great meal. So, uh,
the first season was a huge success, and we started
off with Julie Bowen. I took her to a restaurant
called Republic here in California. It was during during a
(43:11):
atmospheric river, much like we're having today. And it launched
off a really great season of episodes, and I went
to restaurants in New York and in Los Angeles and
had everyone on from Padma Lakshmi and Chelsea Clinton to
Sarah Highland and Isaac Msrahi and some great chefs were
(43:32):
on last season. And I just launched my second season.
And the second season starts with a really great episode
with Ed O'Neill, who played my father a Modern Family
for eleven years. We have another Modern Family cast member
coming up and I can't say who it is, but
it's the exciting we have. We have conversations with Danielle Brooks,
who's fresh off of an Oscar nomination for the color purple.
(43:55):
We have her color. So happy for her, couldn't I
love her so much? And she's she's I'm so happy
we got her on. Dax Shepherd, who is the host
of Armchair Expert, coming on, so it's really fun to
have him on as a guest rather than a host. Yeah. Really,
I kind of get to hear about the trajectory of
(44:15):
Armchair Expert. I was especially nervous for that episode because
he's such a great you know hosts himself. I was like,
oh gosh, this is going to be nerve wracking, but
it was lovely. So we have really great people coming
up to.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
See it's so cool. Okay, I have a technical question
because I just think about this from the production side.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
I know already know what you're going to ask.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
You're going to restaurants, Yeah, like are they opening an
hour early for you? Because I feel like there's no
way you could do this in public and not be
like stopped by fans and have something clattered to the
floor and ruin the sound, Like what how are you
achieving this?
Speaker 2 (44:51):
All those things actually happen. I kind of love it
because I really want people. I want the listeners to
feel like a fly on the wall. So yeah, we
keep all the ambient sounds. There are times and we
go to restaurants and they haven't been opened, they're not
opened yet, and we get the entire place for ourselves,
and those are actually I don't I don't like those
as much because I really like that ambient sound and
(45:11):
this feeling of like you you over overhearing a conversation,
but you hear the waiter come through the table and
tell us the specials. You hear us order, to the
chagrin of many people, you might hear us eating a
little bit, which is also some people have a really
big problem with that. I promise it's not a ton
of mouse sounds. We're pretty good about editing around it.
But I love, like, you know, when you hear the
(45:33):
glass crash in the background. I have a running gag
on my my podcast where anytime I hear one of
those that go, oh my hearing like I just fell off.
So I actually look forward to sounds like that. I
love to add a little comedy. But it's you know,
every restaurant is completely different. Sometimes we're there and I like,
I went with the Isaacs Rahu to Pastises on a
(45:53):
Sunday brunch day and that was, you know, totally packed
and crowded, and we were just at a little table
line ourselves and you can hear that we're in a
crowded restaurant, and yeah, I kind of just I love
that we can do that and achieve that, And I
think our listeners really respond to that sort of fly
on the wall verite, you know, conversation.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
Yeah, I also feel like, that's so indicative of your
love of living in New York, because when you talk
about it, I'm like, yeah, like we're New York people.
The hustle bustle and the car horns honking and the sounds.
It's like it's part of what makes you feel like home.
So I love that that's really happening and it's not
a sound design thing.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
I took Nissi Nash out for for for dinner for
the podcast, and we were at Beat outside and it
was during trash Day, so that really they were. They
were emptying, like you know, massive dumpsters of trash. You
could hear the trash trucks coming. I was like, this
is just what it is. We weren't we weren't sitting
amongst trash, but there were definitely the sounds of trash trucks.
(46:56):
Like here we are during the podcast.
Speaker 1 (46:58):
Oh my god, have you seen Nisi in Origin?
Speaker 2 (47:02):
Oh so good.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
I'm still not over it. It's been weeks. I keep going
back to it. She is just I'm obsessed with Nisi.
She's everything.
Speaker 2 (47:13):
She really is.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
Did did the idea from the podcast, and I mean,
because you know, I'm also a foodie, so I just
really need to know. Did it really just come from
you thinking like, how can I do a job where
I get to eat at all my favorite restaurants?
Speaker 2 (47:26):
That was definitely part of it.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
Yeah, Like when you launched it, I had three different
friends text me and go the fact that you didn't
do this is so weird, And I was like, honestly,
I'm flabbergasted. I have no idea how I missed.
Speaker 2 (47:38):
The mark, right right, Yeah, what you were saying is,
you know, it's definitely complicated too to record live in
a restaurant. But it's so funny because when you you
were speaking earlier about my One man show, fully committed
and my producers, Uh, they said, well, we're going to
do some research. We're going to go out to a
few of these like Michelin Star restaurants. We can like
kind of see the infrastructure and like got to go
(48:00):
back afterwards and like see the reservation room. But like
we ate at these restaurants. And it was the best
research I've ever done. I think they took me to
like four or five different Michelin Star restaurants and then
the producers like, okay, that's enough, We've done. Like, you know,
because it's expensive yeah, and I was like, this is great.
I was like, we just we could fit in a
few more of these before you know, the show goes up.
But I was like, I think I need to do
(48:20):
a little bit more, a bit more research.
Speaker 1 (48:22):
But it's the same to do a little more homework.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Yeah, yeah, but yeah, it's so fun to go out.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
And now a word from our sponsors. Is there anywhere
new you've discovered that you hadn't been and now you
want to go all the time? Uh?
Speaker 2 (48:46):
Oh oh Yeah. There's a place in Brooklyn called Kafar,
which is a Mediterranean like they have barrecas and it's
it's really really delicious. It's in I guess I would
green Point, Brooklyn. I really really really love it, and
I actually last time I was in New York made
a special trip out there to get some breakfast. So
(49:07):
that's one of my new favorite places. And then here
in La I just recently took a Danielle to super About,
which I love. I've ever been to before.
Speaker 1 (49:15):
So yeah, and it's nice that we finally got one
on our side of town. Yes, I know, Oh, I
just love it. What a fun project.
Speaker 2 (49:24):
Yeah, I know, it's been really great, and but do you.
I mean, I still have a tad bit of anxiety
before every single one of my interviews because I guess
there's a bit of imposter syndrome, just because it's not
a world that I have ever, you know, anticipated being in.
It was a job that was sort of brought to
me and people are trusting me to do a good
job with this. Yeah, I definitely get like anxious before
(49:46):
every single you know podcast.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
Oh, I totally do too, still and I'm years in.
I get anxious before every podcast, every speaking engagement, like
you know, because I look around and I just go like, well,
but what am I doing here?
Speaker 2 (50:03):
Right? Right?
Speaker 1 (50:04):
Like me, I'm going to be the one who asks
the questions, right, you know. And I get especially nervous,
I think because I have such a reverence for comedy,
and my favorite, like my favorite things that I've done
work wise have been the sort of more comedic things.
I just I so enjoy the energy on a set
when it's funny rather than you know, sobbing or everyone's dying.
(50:27):
And I always get a little nervous when I'm going
to interview a comedian that I love because I'm like,
are they going to think I'm funny. Am I going
to be funny today? Or am I going to be weird?
What if I'm weird? What if I get nervous and
then I'm tight and I don't make any jokes like
I spin in that way too?
Speaker 2 (50:43):
Get it? I get it for sure.
Speaker 1 (50:46):
But you know, look at us rolling along.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
We're rolling along. I definitely feel like if I'm scared
of something, it's a good thing that I'm doing it.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
I do.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
I find the stuff that I'm not super intimidated by
is stuff that doesn't actually ultimately being doesn't ultimately end
up being very gratifying. Yeah, so you know, yeah, I
guess the fear, that feeling of needing to poop and
make diarrhea and throw up is a good It's good.
It's good that you're feeling that.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
Yeah, it's phenomenal that you need to take up pepto.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
Well with all of this, you know, this, this big,
beautiful sphere of the things that you've built in work
and in home and with your family. When you look
towards this year, what what feels like you're work in
progress right now?
Speaker 2 (51:41):
I mean I kind of feel like I myself am
the work in progress for me. I mean, I you know,
for eleven years I had this like really steady thing happening,
and then there was a pandemic, and then I had kids,
and I feel like there was not a lot of
like transitional time for me, but in that that that
from one thing to the other, and so I feel
(52:01):
like I've lost a little bit of like what I
need right now. And Justin and I are both really
good about going to therapy for ourselves. We do talk therapy.
We don't need together, but you know, are very open
to that. And I'm just really trying to like I
cut back on drinking a lot I did. I'm trying
(52:22):
to eat healthier, I've lost a little bit of weight,
trying not to stress out so much about work. I
mean all these you know, we also have had a
really bumpy a few years between the pandemic and then
writer strikes and then actors strikes, and I just realized,
like I have so little control over some of these things.
I could certainly fight for better contracts, but like, at
the end of the day, like I have to let
(52:43):
people do the jobs that are going to do the jobs.
I can't worry about it. So I have really tried
hard to sort of rewire my thinking and you know,
find ways to reduce my anxiety. And that's been my
big and I'm really proud of the work that I've
done on myself, and that's been one of the main
things for me, is just trying to flow through life
(53:05):
with a little less anxiety and nerve. I love that.
Speaker 1 (53:10):
I think that's so important, and it's a thing you're
really just like making all the bells ding for me,
because it has been such a destabilizing time, you know,
for so many people. And I think one of the
things that I'm really working on remembering, particularly over the
course of the last year, is I believe at my
(53:35):
core and I try to remind myself every day that
things are not happening to me, they're happening for me.
And when I look at my life in that way,
I see what I get from every experience, and you know,
to your point, like maybe there's a job that doesn't
go because it felt a little easy and I want
(53:56):
to be more challenged, or you know, maybe there's a
big aha mo in life that I really didn't see coming,
but it it changes everything for the better. And yeah,
it feels like a little bit of a rewiring, but
it's definitely helping with you know, my anxiety and certainly
with the pressure I put.
Speaker 2 (54:17):
On myself right right. And it's hard to like say,
you know, don't. I mean, I've been told so many
times to just like relax and not stress out and like.
Speaker 1 (54:27):
You know, which only makes you struggle out.
Speaker 2 (54:28):
More exactly exactly. But there are times when I tell
myself that too. I'm like, just relax, it's okay, you
gotta breathe. And I just am learning to listen to
myself a little bit more.
Speaker 1 (54:41):
It feels like a good work in progress.
Speaker 2 (54:43):
My friend, yeah, pilates too.
Speaker 1 (54:45):
Ooh, a little fitness moment for twenty twenty more.
Speaker 2 (54:49):
Sure, Yeah, we love it.
Speaker 1 (54:51):
Yeah, oh, well, thank you so much. I just love
talking to you. It's like in the way that you
were talking about you and tybing, like I can't believe
this is our job. I feel that every week. I'm like,
I literally can't believe I turned asking people I adore
questions into a job. I love this.
Speaker 2 (55:06):
Yeah, I know, I know, we're very lucky. I'm so
glad you asked me to do this.
Speaker 1 (55:11):
Yeah, thank you so much for coming.
Speaker 2 (55:13):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (55:15):
Oh
Hi everyone, It's Sophia, Welcome to Work in Progress. Hello friends,
Today we have a guest who I am just so
thrilled to welcome to the podcast. He is funny, He
(00:22):
is a brilliant comedian. He is an incredible actor, producer,
and an incredible dad to two of the sweetest little
kids around. And he also happens to be a fellow
foodie guys. Our guest today is none other than Jesse
Tyler Ferguson. You likely know him from the pivotal role
of Mitchell Pritchett on the ABC sitcom Modern Family. He
(00:45):
just received a casual five Emmy Award nominations over the
run of the show. I've been lucky enough to see
him on stage when he takes Broadway by storm. You
might have also seen him in Taylor Swift's music video
for You Need to Calm Down Out and about raising
funds for equality with his wonderful husband, Justin Mikida. They
(01:05):
got married back in twenty thirteen and they have two children,
Beckett and Sullivan, who you will hear about today. I
love everything about his story, from how they met and
fell in love and became dads to all the way
back when when Jesse grew up in Albuquerque and how
he decided to go to New York. His story is inspiring, exciting,
and has led him to his latest venture, his wonderful podcast,
(01:29):
Dinners on Me. We're going deep, We're opening up, and
we're gonna laugh, enjoy. I'm so excited to see you.
How are you to see you?
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I'm great. I talk about you a lot with Clolton
and Jordans. You do, I've been seeing a lot of them.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Oh, I love that. I want to come next time.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Okay, we'll invite you next time.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yes, my sweeties, they're very good. They're so good. I'm
just so happy for them.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Me too, Me too?
Speaker 1 (02:09):
And how are you? How is your love? How are
your little ones? Everybody good?
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Everyone's great, Sullivan. Our youngest is fifteen months now, and
that gets three and a half, and you know, we're
negotiating all of that, but it's really fun and Justin's good.
Everyone's good.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
I'm so glad. I feel like negotiating with a three
year old is a little bit like negotiating with a
really adorable terrorist.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, and you know that the terrorist
is going to win.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Oh yeah, yeah. My godson's two and a half and
he I mean he is. He just seems like a litigator.
Now he's like a professional button pusher and very like,
but Mama Auntie, why no, no, you just like I
don't have time for the two of you, and we're like,
oh my god, who are you.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
It's funny because Justin's a lawyer and he's really good,
like it's hard to argue with him. He like brings
up like if I can bring in, you know, exhibit A.
When you said this, I'm like, oh my god, it's
terrible arguing with you because you are really like good
at I forget anything and now back I think has
inherited that from Justin. And Justin's like, oh wow, that's
(03:24):
what I do. Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
I love it. Well, that is hilarious. Okay, this is
actually kind of a perfect segue because I always really
like to start with people and go way back because
you know, I sit across from people like you. You're
so well known, you're so talented, you know, as an actor,
and you're out advocating, you do all these big projects.
(03:47):
But in the ways that you are talking about how
you see Justin and your kid in your kids and yourself.
I'm sure. I'm wondering if you look back, like if
we rewind way before we all knew mister Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Like,
who were you as a child? Do you see traits,
(04:09):
you know in your adult self when you look back
at a little version of you who is like nine
or ten years old.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Yeah, I do. And also it's strange because I noticed
myself talking to my kids, and then I have these
like moments where I flash back and I'm having core
memories that I didn't even realize I had, because I'm
like having deja vu, or like I'm the kid and
I'm my parents, And sometimes it's really cool and sometimes
it's terrifying. But yeah, I definitely, I definitely see a
(04:44):
lot of myself in Sullivan's. Sullivan's genetically mine and that
gets genetically connected to Justin. Each had an embryo that
we implanted, so we each have one that is genetically
connected to us, and it's really astonishing at how close
they are connected to us. But then also what's crazy
is seeing how Justin's traits influence Sully and Sully's and
(05:08):
you know, mine influence Beckett, and it's it is definitely
a case for nurture over nature. You know, you see
those those traits happening with your kids. I don't know.
I mean I I as a kid, I was very
very shy and very very emotional, and I see that
(05:30):
in Beckett and I still feel like that is instilled
in me, and I've just learned how to navigate it better.
I mean, as an actor, you can't be shy, you know,
that's something you just you can't do. But like if
you really, if you really went into my body in
one of those moments where I'm like one of those
Hollywood parties or like you know, in an audition or
(05:51):
something like, I am not as confident as I'm appearing
to be on the outside, for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
Oh Sam, I'm absolutely the same.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah, I don't know. I think maybe that's a trait
you have to have a little bit of to be
an artist, right as you're super.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Sensitive, right and you have to pair that with being
thick skinned as well and not letting small things, you know,
bowl you over, which is hard. It's a hard it's
a hard line to toe, and you know, to be
someone who allows their emotions to come to the top
because that's what we need to access and then still
(06:27):
protect it. It's like, you know, it's like being okay
with like an open mound for the day and like
nothing a band aid on it, like the like I
just need, I need to access to this, but at
the same time, I want to keep myself safe. So
it's hard. It's a hard thing to figure out, but
I definitely see I see small glimmers of that in
my kids, where they're like figuring out, you know, how
(06:49):
to uh negotiate with us and their friends and also
get the things that they need and express the things
that they want to express. But then also you know,
they have no they have no rule books for them,
and this is all new for them, and so everything
is on the surface and I don't know, it's kind
of me justin and I'm more open to having temper tantrums.
(07:10):
The Dustin and I kind of like a big fight,
and he was completely acknowledging that he was having a
temper tantrum. He's like, this is me. Nothing I'm saying
is has any logic to it. I can't defend any
of these things that I'm saying, but I am feeling them,
and I'm sorry you're the one who's happy to deal
with it, but I'm basically having a temper tantrum. I
(07:30):
was like, it's okay, I know how to deal with
tempertantionments now, Like you know.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, that's so interesting actually that seeing your kids be
freer with their feelings in a way allows you to
be because you're you're right. It's it's sort of this
emotional whiplash. Is the way I talk about being an actor.
You're supposed to be completely exposed but also completely composed
at all times and the consummate professional and like a
(07:56):
good soldier at work and all the things, and then
you know, in a moment's notice, open your whole chest
cavity up for everybody to look in, right, And how
kind of cool that as an adult, you're getting a
permission slip to have those less polished feelings from your children.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Yeah, well, for sure, you know, but we also just
set an example. And I was like, you know, there's
so many times where like I would normally react one way,
and I don't react that way because I don't want
to set a bad example. And that you know, I
can held my hold myself accountable at times in ways
that I wouldn't necessarily allow myself to, like, you know,
(08:36):
react how I wanted to react.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
So yeah, it's like there's a lot of growth on
both sides of the coin. That's so cool. It's it's
interesting to hear you talk about you being shy as
a kid. I actually, when I was prepping for today,
I was reading some older articles and I was like,
oh my god, I actually didn't know. I didn't know
the story of you getting into a local theater as
(09:00):
a child, and you are such an embodied performer and
you're so funny. I never would have guessed that you
were a shy kid. So how how did a shy
little boy wind up wanting to sign up for theater?
Like what? I know what happened?
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, my mom was so confused by that. When I
told her I wanted to join the Albagaque Children's Theater.
She you know, I was a kid who is bullied
a lot in school. I was very quiet. I kept
myself during lunch hour because you know, that was sort
of like when it was the Wild Wild West, the
playground and like you know, the teachers kind of disappeared
(09:41):
and it was like every man for himself. Yeah, and
so I. You know, I was just a very quiet kid.
I kind of wanted to disappear and like not not
make myself too flashy or too scene because that probably
would lead to some unwonted attention that would ultimately lead
to bullying. That was just my experience, and so I
was sort of always in protection mode. And there was
(10:02):
something my mom took me to go see the show
and I saw kids performing for other kids in this
company called the APPLECA Children's Theater, and I immediately wanted
to be on the other side of the footlights. I
didn't want to be sitting in the audience wow. And
I asked my mom if I could get involved, and
I think because I was so shy, she was just
(10:23):
like anything that any glimmer of something. And I understand
this now as a parent. You know, anytime my children
show interest in anything, I'm like, do you want to
explore more? Or that? You know, like they tapped their
foot once, so I'm like, are we going? Are we
doing tap class? So, like, my mom definitely noticed that
I was interested in something and jumped in and nurtured
that and helped me along. And it was one of
(10:44):
those things where I found this group of people that
understood me and that I felt at home with and
I felt comfortable with, and I was not singled out
as the weird one anymore. It's like we were all
kind of like wacky kids and you know, playing theater
games and it was all really innocent. We weren't like
diving into Chekov or Shakespeare or anything. It was just
(11:05):
like dumb theater games and you know, we perform alise
in Wonderland, you know, at the end of the spring,
and like that was it. It was all that that
it was. But I definitely found community in a way
that I hadn't before, and that community is what, you know,
I guess made me feel safe to become more of
who I am. And it was just also a very
(11:26):
early seed of me realizing that I needed to wherever
I was, I needed to continue to find those types
of people for myself because you know, my my schools
that I was growing up and didn't have a great
arts program. It was very sports centric, and it's just
it wasn't catered to someone like me. I was, you know,
not interested in sports. I was an indoor kid, and
(11:49):
I yeah, I liked expressing myself through other ways and
It's why, you know, I when I moved to New York,
I felt like, Okay, I'm in the right place and
I'm around right people, and but yeah, I'm glad. I
found that kernel of community at a very early age,
and I probably didn't even recognize that that's what it
was at that age. It just felt comfortable and I
(12:12):
felt safe, which was really lovely.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
That's so special and what a cool place for you
to come out of your shell and you know, find
your confidence, literally find your voice on stage? Did once
you started? Were your parents just all in on supporting
that for you? Like, what did you becoming a young
performer sort of do in your family dynamic?
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Yeah, I mean they were. It was just like an
extracurricular thing. Like my sister would go to tap class
and my brother would have basketball, and I would do theater.
It's just you know, they they would have to come
see this thing that I was performing, you know, once
or twice a year, and it was always, you know,
let's be honest, not great. And so I think for
my entire family it was kind of like, oh, theater
is this thing that's kind of boring and not you know,
(13:01):
super exciting, and we sort of have to like endure
it for a certain amount of time. But I was like, well,
you know, is Ben's basketball game anymore exciting? They're just kids,
Like they barely know how to play basketball. Like I
was like, none of these events that were going to
my sister's tap classes and anything super exciting. It's not
river dance like you. So yeah, but they were very
(13:21):
very supportive, and you know, we were all encouraged to
support our siblings and their different you know, adventures, and
but I definitely was I felt like my sister understood
the arts a little bit because she was very involved
in dance, but definitely like my dad and my brother
and maybe sometimes my mom just like they didn't really
fully understand like where the joy in theater was.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
You know, well, yeah, they weren't in rehearsals in the
circus troop.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
With right exactly. You know, they were just they weren't
there for the fun stuff. But I always felt very
very supportive by them.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
So cool follow that that's really special. Was it a
total culture shock for you to move from Albuquerque to
New York And did you go for theater or a
job or to find a job, like what motivated the move?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
I always knew that I wanted to move to New York,
even when I didn't know what New York was. I
my exposure to New York was like from the films,
from watching you know, Broadway shows on the Tony Awards,
and you know, like just like kids' books, kids books
(14:36):
at New York. You know, I had this very like
idyllic like idea of what New York was. And I
went to New York for the first time on a
high school tour with my my local theater company, and
I was the youngest person on this tour by like
thirty years. It was mostly like blue Hairs and me
and I just fell in love with the city. I
(14:57):
saw like, you know, eight shows in five days. So
I knew that was my first exposure to New York
and I just knew I had to find my way
back there as soon as I could. And after after
high school, I went to the the American Musical and
Dramatic Academy in New York City, which I had been
accepted to, and my dad drove me there across the
(15:18):
country and bladed up things and you know the back
of his suburban car and uh, you know, watching a
man with the suburban from New Mexico. Drive through the
streets of New York City is terrifying. You know. We
were just a massive car from a Midwest and just
you know, he was terrified to drive and all these
(15:39):
one way streets was it was a mess, but he
got me there safely, and yeah, I just felt I
couldn't believe that I actually had a bed in the
city that I had always wanted to live in. It
was so I think like it was a culture shock
in ways, and that I felt like the world was
open to me, but I wasn't. It wasn't a shock
that scared me. It was a shock that was really
(15:59):
super excited.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Well, and especially to go into the city and go
right into an academy of the arts, I bet just
felt like the next sort of evolutionary step in that
community where you found yourself in the first place.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, and it was a safety net too. I mean,
for me, it was mostly about being in New York
City and I didn't really care how I was going
to find a way to be there. But the Academy
of Dramatic Arts definitely gave me a safe landing spot.
And you know, obviously it was wonderful being in acting
classes and meeting other aspiring actors from different places. But
(16:37):
for me, I think I really just needed to find
a way to get to New York and that was
sort of my ticket to the city I wanted to
live in.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Yeah, we'll be back in just a minute, but here's
a word from our sponsors. I love the image of
you and your dad and the suburban trying to naw
the gay Manhattan. It's so sweet, and that you, you know,
talk about him and your relationship. I also I've laughed
(17:04):
hearing you talk about how you had to come out
to your dad three times. Yeah, like, yeah, it feels
like an amazing but it feels like a movie. It
feels like a scene in a comedy that you would watch,
which I imagine it probably was much more emotional and different.
You know.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I r l right. I like that it exists because
it's it's a fun, like quirky thing to talk about
when you're talking about your coming out experience. And I
still going to sort of make fun of my dad
for it, because you know, obviously he knows now, like
he's it's all clear. He was at my wedding, He's
seen you know, he loves his he's right, but it
(17:43):
is fun to sort of hold that over his head
for sure.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Was that a conversation you were having when you were
still at home or did you need the buffer of
New York to feel like you could talk to him
about who you are.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
I don't know if you've heard this, Sophia, but my
I sort of I feel like I came out. I
came out in my eyes officially when I was caught
stealing gay pornography from Hastings Books when I was sixteen
years old. For me, I feel like that was a
pretty clear coming out, right, you know, I was stealing
gay porn.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
Write the writing's on the wall, or the magazine.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
On the wall, literally magazine. Yeah, And so for me,
I was always like, okay, well, at least I don't
have to come out to my parents, like it was
awful because I was being punished for shoplifting. But I
was like, well, you know, also, I got to sort
of kill two birds with one stone. I shoplifted for
the first time and got caught doing what we I
shouldn't have done, but also like they know I'm gay now,
and then it didn't seem like that was enough. And
(18:41):
so my mom when I went to school. She wrote
me a letter. We still talked in person about this,
but we had sort of talked around it, but not
directly at it. And she wrote me a letter saying,
you know, I This was after she came to visit
me for a week in New York and she met
my roommate who was sort of dating at the time.
And I think, you know, anyone probably with two eyes
(19:04):
could have seen what was happening, right, And uh so
she's saying, I know that you're gay and probably together
with your your friend and your roommate, and I just
want to let you know that I'm here if you
want to talk about it. And so it was very sweet.
And she told my dad you know that she had
that conversation with me to a letter, and so I
(19:26):
was like, okay, good now, my dad actually, you know,
he really knows. And then clear then he came to
visit me in New York and he asked if I
had a girlfriend, and I was like, okay, Dad, are
not what are we not getting here? So that's when
I kind of verbally officially came out to him. But
(19:46):
so sweet, Yeah, yeah, it was a little bit rocky.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
I wonder if I wonder if he was like, well,
if he hasn't told me, maybe I need to ask
better questions. Maybe I should pulk around and see if
he'll say it to me. He said, it does.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Yeah, it totally tracks with like who my dad is,
and I love that he like kind of is. He's
a bit vulnerable at times and that can be a
bit a bit uh, what's the word I'm looking for?
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Naive?
Speaker 2 (20:13):
He's very in a really sweet way. So yeah, I'm
not super surprised now that I've kind of watched him
operator as an adult that that's sort of like where
he was at. Yeah, it's also you know, when we
sort of were talking about this, me and my dad,
I remember him at one point. We've had bumps even
after that where he sort of asked me questions that like,
(20:35):
you know, why do you play some gay roles or
you know, why is it so important for you to
you know, always talk about you know, you being out,
And a lot of times it was just him sort
of being inquisitive, but it felt like he was sort
of berating me a little bit or not like fully
he wasn't fully on board with like my my life
and my choices, So it caused some friction between us,
(20:58):
and I know that. At one point he said, you know,
this is I was raised a very different way, and
these are things that I just I have a hard
time sort of I'm programming for myself. And I can
totally understand that, because you know, we've all been raised
in certain ways, and we all have trauma and baggage
that we carry through from childhood and from the way
(21:19):
we were raised. And sometimes it's great and sometimes it's
not great. And you know, I told my dad, I
was like, look, you were at this time of his life.
He was probably in his early sixties, and I was like,
you know, you have so many more lives, so many
more years ahead of you. It's just such a disservice
to you as a person to say I'm done growing
and like I can't continue to see the other side
(21:42):
of things and I'm a fully formed, completed human being
sketched in stone, Like that doesn't make any sense to me.
Like we are all capable of change and growth, And
why just because you're over the age of fifties you
feel like you can't grow? Yeah, And he I think
he heard that, and he started going to pee flag
meetings and which is an organization that is in supportive
(22:06):
of parents who have gay kids. It's like he loves
the support group my dad, so you know, he sort
of dove all in and was a great it was
a really great advocate. So I'm really proud of him.
And I think also that growth for me is beautiful. Like,
I love that he had that, and I love that
he experienced that with my encouragement, and I you know,
(22:31):
when I look at Modern Family and I look at
the relationship that they wrote for me and Ed O'Neill,
who played my dad on TV, like he also had
a very tricky time, you know, accepting his gay son
on the show. And I've loved that that's the story
they told us. I think it's obviously very real. Yeah,
and it's it's something I think that a lot of
(22:53):
people can relate to. And I think that struggle is
part of you know, is also part of a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Yeah. Well, and what I love about the way you're
sharing this with me is that you're talking about loving
someone through their imperfections, through their fears. You know, I
know so many parents who fear anything that might make
(23:20):
it harder for their kid to have an easy life.
And that doesn't mean the fear is right, it doesn't
mean anyone should act out of it, but you being
willing to speak to your dad in that way where
you were clear and encouraging, but also like willing to
stand in front of him and challenge him to grow
more love more, Like I think that's how we journey together.
(23:45):
And what a beautiful thing you got to do in
your own life, and to your point, you got to
set an example of on screen. It wouldn't have been
as interesting to watch a story where everybody was just
perfectly on board with everybody from the beginning. Like then
there's no comedy, there's no drama, there's there's nothing to
watch but to model loving people through their friction, meeting
(24:10):
them where they are and helping them grow for the
days where it's good and the days where it's bad. Like,
I think that's the best of us and how ye
how beautiful that you got to do it in your
family and also like sort of sparkly, I hate to
be like feels like fate and sound like the most
la person in the world, but it feels sort of
faded that you got to represent that story on the show.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Yeah, no, for sure, And you know, I think a
lot of that was sparked from me telling stories about
my dad. And I told the writers that that I
did sort of have to come out to him three times,
and they thought that was hilarious, and so, you know,
I think a lot of you know, in the pilot episode,
they had a sort of already laid groundwork down that
that Jay is sort of, you know, cautiously. You know,
(24:55):
he's he's cautious around his sun and you know, he
basically knocks every time he walks into a room because
he thinks they're going to be like naked and making out.
But it was fun to sort of offer them some
sort of nuances to that idea, that trope of a
father who's still growing.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Yeah, what do you feel like? I mean, you had
so many incredible seasons, you brought us all so much
joy for so long. What do you feel like in
hindsight when you look back at it, you learned about
yourself playing Mitchell? Like, what is being part of a
show like that when you really have digested it and
(25:33):
sat with it On the.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Other end, Yeah, I mean it's I continue to remind
myself that when I was growing up, I didn't have
that example of someone on television. I didn't have an
aspirational pop culture figure to sort of look toward. And
I can confidently say that that exists now, and that
(25:56):
I'm not the only one who makes that exist. I
think a lot of people held the door open for me,
and I certainly hope, I hope that I'm holding the
door open for others. But I think there's so much
more representation on television now than there was, you know,
even just yesterday. I mean, but I think we're all
constantly getting better, and there's still so much much work
to be done. But I you know when you're when
(26:18):
you're in it, and you know this from just being
you know, a professional actress yourself, Like when you're in it,
it's like you have to you have to sort of
shut out the noise of like of the things that are,
you know, influencing your work, and especially if it's cultural
things Like I never wanted to feel like Eric and
(26:39):
I weren under pressure to represent an entire community with
these characters like I just I needed we needed just
to make them real, and we need to needed to
make them funny, and we needed to make them relatable,
and we wanted people to fall in love with them.
That was sort of what our work was. We sort
of have to shut it out, and through shutting it out,
through shutting out, like the cultural noise of the importance
(27:00):
of these characters are the importance of the show.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
You know.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
I think we sometimes weren't allowed to let ourselves really
breathe in the moment when it was happening, and I
have time myself like, we have to really enjoy this.
We have to really enjoy this because this isn't going
to last forever. But at the same time, we had
a job to do, so it was it was sort
of impossible to separate yourself too far from it. But
now there's a whole new generation of kids like discovering
(27:25):
modern family for the first time. And I meet these
people and I'm like, oh, you were you were not
born when the pilot air, Like you were discovering this
now on Netflix or wherever it's airing, And we have
a whole new fan base, which is really exciting. So
now when I'm meeting those people, I definitely allow myself
to get swept up into sort of how how much
(27:50):
of a privilege it was to be able to play
those Roles.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Yeah, sure, I love that. It's funny feel. I kind
of feel the same way about One Tree Hell now. Yeah, Like,
you know, we did it for nine years. It some
of our experiences were great and some were not so great.
And when we first finished, it was like, don't talk
to me about it. And we all felt this. All
of us were like, we're done, We're moving on. We're
(28:15):
going to the next thing. We don't want to talk
about it, dwell on it, whatever. And now you know,
I'll meet I meet these young girls that are in
college who've just discovered the show, and they're like, Brook
Davis taught me to never settle for a man who
doesn't deserve me, and she taught me, and they like,
they give me these life lessons from this character. And
I'm and I'm obsessed. Yeah, I am in love with it.
(28:36):
And I am like in love with this person that
I played in a way now that I couldn't have
been when we were doing it, nor could I even
have been I think in the immediate years after we
were done. And now I'm just like, oh, I'm obsessed
with her. Like you think you're her biggest fan, I'm
her biggest fan, you know. It's so funny.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
Does it feel to you sometimes that for me, it
feels like another life, Like I don't know who that
person is. Good. I mean, when I was doing the show,
I didn't have kids, Like there was just so much
that was different then. My life was so different. I'm
living in a house that I didn't live in when
I was doing the show. Like, it just feels like
this weird, sort of alternate universe that I inhabited for
(29:17):
a little while.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Well way, the only way I know how to describe
it to people is that it's a very strange experience
of temporary permanence. Season to season. You have no idea
if you're going to get picked up. It takes your
whole entire life. But also you're supposed to maintain your
real life outside of the thing. I think for us
(29:39):
it was even trickier because we were on location, so
I would live in North Carolina for ten months out
of the year, and no matter what, I always sort
of felt like I couldn't hold everything up. I was
like spinning a few too many plates, right, And it
is really weird, it feels because it kind of feels
like a time warp. You're like, that was my whole life,
(29:59):
but it also wasn't my real life. And it's both,
and it's I don't know, I'm like it is is
being on a show like the shows we were on
for as long as we were Is that the Schrodinger's
cat of being an actor? Like, I don't know, is
it alive or dead? It's both?
Speaker 2 (30:15):
It's nothing right right, right, right? I know, I know,
it's it's a it's a wild, wild job. I mean
tymeer Roll and I would sometimes just burst into laughter
because you couldn't believe that this was a job that
a grown person would do. Yeah, like you know, memorizing
words that you didn't write and putting pretending to be
someone else. Like we would just sometimes get the giggles
(30:36):
because like we would catch each other doing the doing
the job, like doing this ridiculous thing that we're supposed
to do is probably the character and then like catching
the eye one that they'd be like that, this is ridiculous, that's.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Like what are we doing me to do this?
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (30:50):
No, it's so crazy. Yeah, and now a word from
our sponsors who make this show possible. It's so all
encompassing being on something like that and a schedule like that,
(31:10):
how did you manage to figure out how to carve
out time for your other passions? Because to your point,
you know, you didn't have kids yet when you were
on the show, but you'd met your now husband, you know,
you were building a life, and then you'd go and
do amazing theater. I mean, my god, I got to
come and see your one man show. Yeah, that like
(31:31):
knocked my socks off, it was so fun. How how
did you figure out how to make room for your
life inside of a project that basically took up your
whole life?
Speaker 2 (31:42):
Yeah, I mean I started to feel a little bit
of security with with Modern Family after you know, I
mean we won an Emmy right out of the gate
for Best Comedy. But you know again, like so cooled
the rest of development, and that also was canceled after
a few seasons. So because after a few years, I
sort of felt like, Okay, this thing is definitely going
to stick around for a little while. So I was
able to relax a bit and really sort of let myself,
(32:05):
let myself go and fall into other projects when I
had a hiatus. But also, I mean, theater never for me,
never took a backseat to doing film and television. I
always that's where my first love is, and doing TV
was this like weird thing that I sort of fell
into and I love doing it and I love the
(32:25):
job and I love the job security it gave me.
But I sort of also was grateful that then it
allowed me to go do you know, Shakespeare in the
Park for you know, six weeks in the summer and
not get paid a ton, but still be okay to like,
you know, pay the bills at the end of the
summer because I was had saved enough. So it sort
(32:46):
of gave me freedom to do other things. And you know,
in in terms of that one man show that you saw,
I was playing forty different characters and working with silent. Yeah,
it's crazy.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
Will you tell listeners at home a little bit about it?
Because I am still not over it and it's been years.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
It's so funny. So it's a show called Fully Committed.
It's a one man show, and it's about a reservationist
who works at a very very high end restaurant and
his coworker has not shown up for that day's work
and so he's just slammed when the line's open for
the restaurant taking reservations. And the whole play takes place
(33:25):
over the phone, So he plays not only himself, but
he plays all the people trying on the other end
of the line trying to get reservations to this restaurant.
He plays the chef, he plays the maitre d, he
plays the hostess, he plays the restaurant critic who's trying
to get in. He plays his father. You know, he's
also on the phone with throughout the day. And you know,
it's a really challenging piece, and every actor who sort
(33:49):
of tackles it, no, it's gonna be a challenging piece.
So I knew going into it. This was the first
Broadway revival of it. It had only been off Broadway before
when I was offered this, and so I think I'd
started working on it about a year before actually started
official rehearsals, just memorizing the play and working with a
dialect coach on my own time, trying to figure out
what these different characters sound like. You know, she also
(34:13):
worked at Juilliard, so she would sometimes have her students
who are from different places, record them saying the lines
so that I could maybe sort of you know, imitate
them to sort of get the authenticity down. But then again,
it's a play where there are forty characters and are
snapping between, you know, between themselves really quickly, and you're
basically in dialogue with yourself. So there was also this
(34:35):
this job of like not being too subtle and too
real with anything, because these people need to be immediately recognizable.
So it was it was a really tough line to
to figure out when it comes to tone and just
the brevity of like not brevity levity, which is the
exact opposite the levity of like, you know, the just
(34:58):
having to learn a huge, you know, ninety minute play
that no one else is speaking in it always.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
I mean it was breathtaking. I have rarely been so entertained.
And also at the end of the play, I was
exhausted for you. Yeah, like when you actually greeted everyone backstage,
I was like, are you okay? Why are you hunging
us go home? Like does someone have an ice bag
for you?
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (35:23):
I mean it was it was really astonishing. It's so
cool to hear that you had the sort of wherewithal
to say, oh, I'm going to spend a year prepping
even before rehearsal, because this is such a big thing.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
There was no way. But I did drive my Modern
Family cast members crazy because I would trust that accents.
I think actually Sophia was even like, there's an opportunity
at the end of the play for a little cameo
of someone who just picks up the phone. It's a celebrity,
and I think in the original version of like Wwyneth
paltr or something, but I did Sophia instead, so funny
a little cameo, so she even made it into the play.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
It's so cuty. How I mean, you have such a
work ethic and obviously such passion for what you do.
And you're a producer and you you are, you're working
in film and television, You're doing incredible theater, You're keeping
that beautiful you know, industry going. How how do you
and Justin navigate the intensity of your work lives and
(36:22):
how much you both love what you do Now that
you have two little kids, do you do you sort
of have to trade off at certain times or do
you just have a village that helps when you're both
slammed A little bit of all about.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
A little bit of both. I mean, it's tricky because
you know, as an actor, you you get these opportunities,
and sometimes they take you away for a few weeks
and we have to sort of rewagyh about, you know what,
before I would just do everything that I wanted to do,
and I have to really think about so I need
to be away for six weeks or two months. And
Justin's been very good about stepping in when he needs to.
(36:58):
But you know, when I was doing the play last
I was doing to play last year on Broadway, and
our son was born during that time, so I came
home for the birth. I was here for a few days,
and then I had to go back to New York
to finish the run, and so I would go back occasionally,
you know, for my days off. But I was home
for like maybe twenty three hours and having to turn
around go back to New York. So it was a lot,
(37:20):
and I know that during that time it was really
taxing on Justin. So you know, I knew that when
I came back, not only was I going to be
like hitting the ground running with the kids, but like
I needed to carve out time for him to get
away and spend time with his friends and sort of
turn off a bit because he had definitely picked up
the slack so he definitely earned, you know, that that
(37:41):
time alone. But I try and like be very cognizant
of the fact that when I do go away, you know,
it's a lot on him.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Right.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
He's also been very good about reminding himself that when
I go away, I am working. It's not like I'm
just I love what I do so much. I'm so
lucky that like my job brings me so much joy.
But it is, you know, it's a it's a full
time thing when you're when you're in work mode, and yeah,
you have to really take care of yourself and you
have to go to betterly and like even if you
have a long day on set where there's like big
(38:15):
breaks in the day, like you're not just resting, you're
trying to always like be prepared for them when you're
being called to set, and so it's exhausting. And so
he's reminded that, you know, I also am not on
vacation when I'm doing this fun thing that I love doing, Right,
I just I'm lucky that I got to be enjoying
my job.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Yeah, yeah, I mean it's so cool and the and
the things that it enables you to do. I mean,
even you guys. You know, launching Tie the Not, you know,
creating an organization that is near and dear to your
heart is something that you get to go out and
talk about because you have this great, big platform right right.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
That was very important to us for sure.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
Yeah. Can you can you tell our listeners a little
bit about it?
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Sure? Yeah. I mean Justin's always been an activist, He's
been very politically active. When I met him, he was
graduating from law school and was working on the Proposition
eight case, which was Proposition that was that was it
took away marriage rights for saying sex couples here in
California back in like two thousand and eleven or something,
(39:23):
and we we formed Tie the Knot, which was an
organization that raised money for the people in the trenches
fighting for marriage equality. Specifically, we were kind of fighting
for Prop eight to get overturned and then and then
from there we were obviously looking towards full federal marriage
equality across the United States. But we are are founded.
(39:47):
We raised money basically by selling bow ties, which was
you know, a kind of funny, quirky, interesting, lighthearted way
of nodding to a marriage. And then you know, we've
sold a lot of other products as well. But I've
alway always been the type of activists who doesn't really
use a bullhorn, Like I don't really need to be
arrested on the steps of city hall like I like to.
(40:08):
I like to to definitely use my voice and make
make myself heard. But I find that doing it the
more a light hearted way, and through comedy and through
you know, just being more authentically who I am is
just a better thing for me. So this foundation really felt,
it felt it felt unique, and it felt very I
don't know, it felt personal, and it felt it felt
(40:31):
like it was very It came from our hearts, like
we really you know, we're able to raise money doing
something that felt like it was authentically us. So we
raised over a million dollars of the course of Type
Not and then we recent rebranded Type not to pronoun
So we're still we're still raising money for the LGBTQ community,
(40:52):
but it's a bit of a broader scope that we're
raising money for. It is the longer marriage e quality,
which we now have achieved, but you know, LGBTQ rights
and trans writes and all that good stuff.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
So yeah, I'm a larger umbrella of equality that you
know so many people unfortunately are trying to chip away
at year after year. I can't remember did I ever
send you the picture I wore one of your bow
ties was like a sort of like a burgundy chocolate
with little owls on it. And the little owls are
(41:23):
like in blue and yellow and I wore it with
a navy tuxedo that I had. Okay, good, I was like, wait,
do you have that photo?
Speaker 2 (41:29):
I'm obsessed, I do. You've always been such a supporter
of us.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Oh well, I just adore you guys, and you know
you've You've always just been so kind and wonderful, and
you know, I'm a I'm a fan of what you
both do. But I'm a fan of you guys as humans.
Thank you me cuty okay, And as if you don't
do enough things with all of your activism in theater
and film and television and being a dad. You have
(41:54):
a podcast, talk to Us about Dinners on me. I'm
obsessed with it, mostly because all I want to do
is eat, and I just I love it. I have
so many questions. Tell the people what you're up to?
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Yes, So I have this podcast that I started. I
guess about a year ago. I mean, my career has
always been a series of things that I didn't expect
to do that I've been given opportunity to do and
then I ended up enjoying. So I when these jobs
come to me that I'm like, I never imagine myself
as that. I really take a beat and I think, okay,
but is it something that I might have fun doing?
(42:28):
And this was certainly one of those opportunities. I never
wanted to have a podcast. I had been on a
million of them. You know, it just seemed like an
extra job that I would have to do, but I
didn't know I was I was like, I'm not going
to know if I if I enjoyed doing this unless
I actually do it. So I accepted the offer to
host this podcast, and the producers knew I was a
big foodie and they had this idea of sort of
(42:49):
combining my love of food and eating out a restaurant
with a conversation. And you know, I feel like the
best conversations happened of a really great meal. So, uh,
the first season was a huge success, and we started
off with Julie Bowen. I took her to a restaurant
called Republic here in California. It was during during a
(43:11):
atmospheric river, much like we're having today. And it launched
off a really great season of episodes, and I went
to restaurants in New York and in Los Angeles and
had everyone on from Padma Lakshmi and Chelsea Clinton to
Sarah Highland and Isaac Msrahi and some great chefs were
(43:32):
on last season. And I just launched my second season.
And the second season starts with a really great episode
with Ed O'Neill, who played my father a Modern Family
for eleven years. We have another Modern Family cast member
coming up and I can't say who it is, but
it's the exciting we have. We have conversations with Danielle Brooks,
who's fresh off of an Oscar nomination for the color purple.
(43:55):
We have her color. So happy for her, couldn't I
love her so much? And she's she's I'm so happy
we got her on. Dax Shepherd, who is the host
of Armchair Expert, coming on, so it's really fun to
have him on as a guest rather than a host. Yeah. Really,
I kind of get to hear about the trajectory of
(44:15):
Armchair Expert. I was especially nervous for that episode because
he's such a great you know hosts himself. I was like,
oh gosh, this is going to be nerve wracking, but
it was lovely. So we have really great people coming
up to.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
See it's so cool. Okay, I have a technical question
because I just think about this from the production side.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
I know already know what you're going to ask.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
You're going to restaurants, Yeah, like are they opening an
hour early for you? Because I feel like there's no
way you could do this in public and not be
like stopped by fans and have something clattered to the
floor and ruin the sound, Like what how are you
achieving this?
Speaker 2 (44:51):
All those things actually happen. I kind of love it
because I really want people. I want the listeners to
feel like a fly on the wall. So yeah, we
keep all the ambient sounds. There are times and we
go to restaurants and they haven't been opened, they're not
opened yet, and we get the entire place for ourselves,
and those are actually I don't I don't like those
as much because I really like that ambient sound and
(45:11):
this feeling of like you you over overhearing a conversation,
but you hear the waiter come through the table and
tell us the specials. You hear us order, to the
chagrin of many people, you might hear us eating a
little bit, which is also some people have a really
big problem with that. I promise it's not a ton
of mouse sounds. We're pretty good about editing around it.
But I love, like, you know, when you hear the
(45:33):
glass crash in the background. I have a running gag
on my my podcast where anytime I hear one of
those that go, oh my hearing like I just fell off.
So I actually look forward to sounds like that. I
love to add a little comedy. But it's you know,
every restaurant is completely different. Sometimes we're there and I like,
I went with the Isaacs Rahu to Pastises on a
(45:53):
Sunday brunch day and that was, you know, totally packed
and crowded, and we were just at a little table
line ourselves and you can hear that we're in a
crowded restaurant, and yeah, I kind of just I love
that we can do that and achieve that, And I
think our listeners really respond to that sort of fly
on the wall verite, you know, conversation.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
Yeah, I also feel like, that's so indicative of your
love of living in New York, because when you talk
about it, I'm like, yeah, like we're New York people.
The hustle bustle and the car horns honking and the sounds.
It's like it's part of what makes you feel like home.
So I love that that's really happening and it's not
a sound design thing.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
I took Nissi Nash out for for for dinner for
the podcast, and we were at Beat outside and it
was during trash Day, so that really they were. They
were emptying, like you know, massive dumpsters of trash. You
could hear the trash trucks coming. I was like, this
is just what it is. We weren't we weren't sitting
amongst trash, but there were definitely the sounds of trash trucks.
(46:56):
Like here we are during the podcast.
Speaker 1 (46:58):
Oh my god, have you seen Nisi in Origin?
Speaker 2 (47:02):
Oh so good.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
I'm still not over it. It's been weeks. I keep going
back to it. She is just I'm obsessed with Nisi.
She's everything.
Speaker 2 (47:13):
She really is.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
Did did the idea from the podcast, and I mean,
because you know, I'm also a foodie, so I just
really need to know. Did it really just come from
you thinking like, how can I do a job where
I get to eat at all my favorite restaurants?
Speaker 2 (47:26):
That was definitely part of it.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
Yeah, Like when you launched it, I had three different
friends text me and go the fact that you didn't
do this is so weird, And I was like, honestly,
I'm flabbergasted. I have no idea how I missed.
Speaker 2 (47:38):
The mark, right right, Yeah, what you were saying is,
you know, it's definitely complicated too to record live in
a restaurant. But it's so funny because when you you
were speaking earlier about my One man show, fully committed
and my producers, Uh, they said, well, we're going to
do some research. We're going to go out to a
few of these like Michelin Star restaurants. We can like
kind of see the infrastructure and like got to go
(48:00):
back afterwards and like see the reservation room. But like
we ate at these restaurants. And it was the best
research I've ever done. I think they took me to
like four or five different Michelin Star restaurants and then
the producers like, okay, that's enough, We've done. Like, you know,
because it's expensive yeah, and I was like, this is great.
I was like, we just we could fit in a
few more of these before you know, the show goes up.
But I was like, I think I need to do
(48:20):
a little bit more, a bit more research.
Speaker 1 (48:22):
But it's the same to do a little more homework.
Speaker 2 (48:25):
Yeah, yeah, but yeah, it's so fun to go out.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
And now a word from our sponsors. Is there anywhere
new you've discovered that you hadn't been and now you
want to go all the time? Uh?
Speaker 2 (48:46):
Oh oh Yeah. There's a place in Brooklyn called Kafar,
which is a Mediterranean like they have barrecas and it's
it's really really delicious. It's in I guess I would
green Point, Brooklyn. I really really really love it, and
I actually last time I was in New York made
a special trip out there to get some breakfast. So
(49:07):
that's one of my new favorite places. And then here
in La I just recently took a Danielle to super About,
which I love. I've ever been to before.
Speaker 1 (49:15):
So yeah, and it's nice that we finally got one
on our side of town. Yes, I know, Oh, I
just love it. What a fun project.
Speaker 2 (49:24):
Yeah, I know, it's been really great, and but do you.
I mean, I still have a tad bit of anxiety
before every single one of my interviews because I guess
there's a bit of imposter syndrome, just because it's not
a world that I have ever, you know, anticipated being in.
It was a job that was sort of brought to
me and people are trusting me to do a good
job with this. Yeah, I definitely get like anxious before
(49:46):
every single you know podcast.
Speaker 1 (49:50):
Oh, I totally do too, still and I'm years in.
I get anxious before every podcast, every speaking engagement, like
you know, because I look around and I just go like, well,
but what am I doing here?
Speaker 2 (50:03):
Right? Right?
Speaker 1 (50:04):
Like me, I'm going to be the one who asks
the questions, right, you know. And I get especially nervous,
I think because I have such a reverence for comedy,
and my favorite, like my favorite things that I've done
work wise have been the sort of more comedic things.
I just I so enjoy the energy on a set
when it's funny rather than you know, sobbing or everyone's dying.
(50:27):
And I always get a little nervous when I'm going
to interview a comedian that I love because I'm like,
are they going to think I'm funny. Am I going
to be funny today? Or am I going to be weird?
What if I'm weird? What if I get nervous and
then I'm tight and I don't make any jokes like
I spin in that way too?
Speaker 2 (50:43):
Get it? I get it for sure.
Speaker 1 (50:46):
But you know, look at us rolling along.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
We're rolling along. I definitely feel like if I'm scared
of something, it's a good thing that I'm doing it.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
I do.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
I find the stuff that I'm not super intimidated by
is stuff that doesn't actually ultimately being doesn't ultimately end
up being very gratifying. Yeah, so you know, yeah, I
guess the fear, that feeling of needing to poop and
make diarrhea and throw up is a good It's good.
It's good that you're feeling that.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
Yeah, it's phenomenal that you need to take up pepto.
Speaker 2 (51:19):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
Well with all of this, you know, this, this big,
beautiful sphere of the things that you've built in work
and in home and with your family. When you look
towards this year, what what feels like you're work in
progress right now?
Speaker 2 (51:41):
I mean I kind of feel like I myself am
the work in progress for me. I mean, I you know,
for eleven years I had this like really steady thing happening,
and then there was a pandemic, and then I had kids,
and I feel like there was not a lot of
like transitional time for me, but in that that that
from one thing to the other, and so I feel
(52:01):
like I've lost a little bit of like what I
need right now. And Justin and I are both really
good about going to therapy for ourselves. We do talk therapy.
We don't need together, but you know, are very open
to that. And I'm just really trying to like I
cut back on drinking a lot I did. I'm trying
(52:22):
to eat healthier, I've lost a little bit of weight,
trying not to stress out so much about work. I
mean all these you know, we also have had a
really bumpy a few years between the pandemic and then
writer strikes and then actors strikes, and I just realized,
like I have so little control over some of these things.
I could certainly fight for better contracts, but like, at
the end of the day, like I have to let
(52:43):
people do the jobs that are going to do the jobs.
I can't worry about it. So I have really tried
hard to sort of rewire my thinking and you know,
find ways to reduce my anxiety. And that's been my
big and I'm really proud of the work that I've
done on myself, and that's been one of the main
things for me, is just trying to flow through life
(53:05):
with a little less anxiety and nerve. I love that.
Speaker 1 (53:10):
I think that's so important, and it's a thing you're
really just like making all the bells ding for me,
because it has been such a destabilizing time, you know,
for so many people. And I think one of the
things that I'm really working on remembering, particularly over the
course of the last year, is I believe at my
(53:35):
core and I try to remind myself every day that
things are not happening to me, they're happening for me.
And when I look at my life in that way,
I see what I get from every experience, and you know,
to your point, like maybe there's a job that doesn't
go because it felt a little easy and I want
(53:56):
to be more challenged, or you know, maybe there's a
big aha mo in life that I really didn't see coming,
but it it changes everything for the better. And yeah,
it feels like a little bit of a rewiring, but
it's definitely helping with you know, my anxiety and certainly
with the pressure I put.
Speaker 2 (54:17):
On myself right right. And it's hard to like say,
you know, don't. I mean, I've been told so many
times to just like relax and not stress out and like.
Speaker 1 (54:27):
You know, which only makes you struggle out.
Speaker 2 (54:28):
More exactly exactly. But there are times when I tell
myself that too. I'm like, just relax, it's okay, you
gotta breathe. And I just am learning to listen to
myself a little bit more.
Speaker 1 (54:41):
It feels like a good work in progress.
Speaker 2 (54:43):
My friend, yeah, pilates too.
Speaker 1 (54:45):
Ooh, a little fitness moment for twenty twenty more.
Speaker 2 (54:49):
Sure, Yeah, we love it.
Speaker 1 (54:51):
Yeah, oh, well, thank you so much. I just love
talking to you. It's like in the way that you
were talking about you and tybing, like I can't believe
this is our job. I feel that every week. I'm like,
I literally can't believe I turned asking people I adore
questions into a job. I love this.
Speaker 2 (55:06):
Yeah, I know, I know, we're very lucky. I'm so
glad you asked me to do this.
Speaker 1 (55:11):
Yeah, thank you so much for coming.
Speaker 2 (55:13):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (55:15):
Oh
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