October 30, 2024 • 45 mins
What are the pivotal experiences in your life that have shaped who you are today?
Australian actress Tammin Sursok has plenty of experiences to share, and she’s grateful for each one, no matter how challenging.
In this season finale of But Are You Happy?, Clare invites Tammin to share her story candidly. At first glance, you might not see the struggles she’s faced, but beneath the surface, she has battled feelings of shame and moments that shattered her self-esteem. She’s lived through serious health challenges, and now she’s navigating who she is today, with her family at the forefront.
So, is Tammin Sursok happy? You guessed it—you’ll have to listen to find out.
THE END BITS
- The Butterfly Foundation is a great support service for anyone who struggles with disordered eating or body image issues. You can find more information here.
GET IN TOUCH:
We're taking suggestions for the next season of But Are You Happy. Send us a voice message or email us at podcast@mamamia.com.au and let us know who you want to hear on the podcast.
CREDITS:
Host: Clare Stephens
Guest: Tammin Sursok
Executive Producer: Naima Brown
Audio Producer: Thom Lion
Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.
Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Said, you're listening to a mum and mea podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Mamma may I acknowledges the traditional owners of the land
and waters that this podcast is recorded on.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
You know. In my podcast, I ask people, you know,
what are your biggest regrets? And some people have some
some people who don't have that many. But I think
I would have done it all the same again, even
the horrid stuff, even the pain that I've gone through,
even the mistakes I've made, I think I would have
done it all over again.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Hello and welcome to But Are You Happy? The podcast
that asks the questions you've always wanted to know from
the people who appear to have it all. I'm Claire Stevens,
and today's guest is tam And Sassock. She is an
actor known for playing characters like Danny Sutherland on Home
and Away, Danny, what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Show, mister Fisher what we think of his showmnist attitude.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Colleen Carlton on The Young and the.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Restless, Well, she isn't fond of the really.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Hip and Jenna Marshall on Pretty Little Eyes, which I
was obsessed with. She also owns her own production company
with her husband called Charlie Baby Productions. She hosts a
podcast called The Shit Show with Tamon Cursock and is
a very very funny creator online.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
When I was.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Growing up, Taman Cursock was everywhere in Australian media. She
was on the cover of all the magazines. She was
on TV, she was at the logis. She had music
I listened to and film clips. I studied for fashion
and styling tips. She had a great fringe. I was
obsessed with her and if I could have chosen what
I wanted to look like as a teenager, I would
(01:49):
have just pointed to a photo of Taman Sursock. But
behind the scenes things weren't so glamorous. She had experienced
bullying in her early teenage years, which wreaked havoc on
her self esteem, and then as her fame grew, she's
spoken recently about how she developed an eating disorder. She
(02:10):
moved to Hollywood, and she lived through all the frustrations
that come with not having control over your work opportunities,
and now she's grappling with the parts of making art
that are really difficult, like the compromises you have to make,
the relentlessness of it, and how things like envy still
pop up Taman is so open and honest, and I
(02:34):
started by asking her about her childhood.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
I actually think that the happiest part of my life
was sort of before I became a teenager. We immigrated
from South Africa when I was five years old, so
I was actually born in Johannesburg. I've actually only spent
about fifteen of years of my life in Sydney, Australia,
but I'm still obviously Nausie and I have my Australian citizenship.
(03:01):
But the first part of my life I was in Johannesburg,
and we immigrated when I was five years old, and
you know, we came at a time that was really
a really difficult time in South Africa, and my parents
chose a better life for us. And what had happened
is that when we immigrated, you can't take any money
(03:23):
out of the country. So my parents, you know, had
like a nest egg that they had set up in
South Africa, and when we immigrated, we had to completely
start again. And I really credit my parents' tenacity and
hustle and just keeping everything together and making it seem
like this was fun that we had to start over,
(03:44):
rather than it was like this hard burden that we
had to carry, and I really didn't know in the
beginning how difficult it was for my parents to start
over because it was always it never felt like we
were going without in any way. My dad was very
adamant to put us into private schools and that was
where he spent his money, and we did go from
(04:07):
rental property to rental property like every couple of years.
But I didn't know that that wasn't, you know, normal,
and I loved it all. You know, I had a
very good childhood, Like I don't remember anything that was
really that negative.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
What do you think was your you know, you say
that kind of before you became a teenager was a
really really happy time. What do you think changed? That's
often a period as especially women. I think as we
enter our teenage years, something changes, maybe an awareness of
the world being a bit harder. What was that experience
(04:45):
like for you?
Speaker 1 (04:47):
My I got bullied, So I was very happy until
I started to get to that point where there's like
pre pubescent and I was quite overweight. I was about
ninety killers and I was severely bullied as a kid
by my classmates. So when you at an old girls school,
that's why I don't normal if I'll ever put my
(05:08):
kids in a just single sex school, because there is,
especially in young girls, there is that sort of pack mentality.
And I was bullied a lot, and especially because of
my size, and because of it, even though I was
really happy being that size, because of that, I decided
to lose weight in a healthy manner and it worked.
(05:29):
I lost gosh. I was went down to forty nine
kilos really fast, and it felt all of a sudden,
I started to get attention and all these you know,
people came out of the woodwork and were really nice
to me, and it felt really good. And then I
auditioned for Home and Away three to five months after
(05:50):
I'd lost the weight, and I got the job. So
there begins my struggle with self loathing and self worth
and you know, from a very young age, when my
brain was at a fertile environment to like really take
on all this change in negativity. And I then didn't
(06:13):
know how to stay small without not eating. And I
think that was the part of my life that was
interestingly some of the best parts of my life, but
also some of the hardest. And it took me a
very long time to be able to talk about it.
I had to be fully recovered. I think most of
(06:33):
the things that I talk about is because I've been
able to come out on the other end. I don't
know if I'm like in something, I just can't really
communicate it in a succinct manner. But I think that
that was it. I don't think that my quote unquote
unhappiness came from anything other than getting successful at an
age where like, I didn't really like myself, but then
(06:57):
I also had this dichotomy of the world really liking me,
but I didn't really know who I was, and I'm
still trying to figure that out, and like, oh my god,
who the fuck am I?
Speaker 2 (07:06):
You were in that really rare position of well, I
guess it's not completely rare. Where your body changed and
something happened, which was getting the role on Home and
Away that you've said that you kind of internalized the
belief that being thin meant being accepted and loved and adored.
(07:27):
Because that happened at the same time, how did that
manifest for you? Like, when you're on Home and Away,
you were on magazine covers, you were winning awards, you
were getting all this industry recognition. What did you feel
internally about yourself.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Oh that my worth was completely linked to the size
of my genes. I mean, how could it not have been? Right?
So the hero was this young kid who was bullied
because of their size. They lose the weight and again
Home and Away doesn't know this, like they just saw
(08:08):
Rola came in and did a good job, and they
gave me the job. But I knew that the girl
before wasn't accepted, and the girl who looked a different
way now and presented herself in a different way to
the world was now accepted. So my self worth was
dependent on my size. And also I lived through the nineties.
(08:30):
I can't. I don't even know a woman who's able
to come out of the nineties unscathed without some kind
of distorted eating. I mean, the magazine covers. Everything in
the media was you would feel better, you will love
yourself more, ten kilo's lighter. You know. Everything was about
like the next diet that would make you feel happier.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
I remember with my adolescence, you were the most beautiful
girl in the world, like like like I looked at
magazine covers and I remember thinking, if I could draw
how I wanted to look, it would be Tamansas, and
so I think it's actually really insightful to know that
the person that I was so admiring was suffering from
(09:14):
what I was suffering from, which was feeling like I
wasn't good enough. You have shared a story which I
remember reading years ago and being really moved by. Wait,
you talked about being a kid and a boy approaching
me and making a Jenny Craig joke. Yeah, can you
(09:35):
share that story and how you felt in that moment?
Speaker 1 (09:38):
And I was at the knock School dance actually, and I.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Was I went to a knock school dance, I know.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
And I remember I felt so cute, and my mom
was there supporting me, and she dropped me off and
we like, you know, gotten their nails done and bought
the formal dress. And my brother actually went to the
same school, and there was a boy that I was
just super crushing on and he made eyes at me,
and I just remember like the whole world began to
decolor and I just everything was like in slow motion,
(10:08):
and I could see him walking towards and I thought,
this is it, Like this is the moment where you
know the guy that I've been feverishly anticipating will one
day come up to me in my dreams.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
This was it.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
This was the moment, and he walked up to me
and he said, you need to go to Jenny Craig.
And I remember it so well because I don't even
know if in that moment I thought I'm broken, but
I almost want to. I don't even know who he
is these days, who he is, but I'd almost like
to thank him if he ever finds out about my
(10:42):
story and this so he probably doesn't remember, but that
comment changed the course of my life for the rest
of my life. Now, were there peaks and valleys? Absolutely?
Was my head in a toilet bowl for the better
part of four years. Absolutely, But something in that moment
(11:03):
made me want change. I thought it was healthy to
start with, and it was, and then it diverted into
not being healthy.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
When you got to Hollywood. Was the body image stuff exacerbated?
Like is Hollywood just a completely different level in terms
of the self criticism comparing yourself to other people?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Oh, the comparison I still struggle with on a daily basis,
to the point where I don't suffer depression, but it
can get me in a depressive state if I spend
too much time looking through other people's social media. The
funny thing is that by the time I got to
Los Angeles, I had gotten through the worst of my
eating disorder. And I actually met my husband Sean, who
(11:47):
have been with for eighteen years now, six months after
I got to America, and I had only I was
kind of on the edge of my eating disorder. And
I remember one time purging while we were together and
the look of like sadness in his eyes. I'll never
(12:07):
forget because he knew what I did and why I
did it, and I guess the self loathing I had
at that time, and I looked at him and I thought,
I don't ever want to feel like this again, Like
I don't ever want to feel sick again. I don't
ever want to feel like someone feels I feel shame
in front of but also feel sorry for me. And
(12:30):
in that moment, I just was like, that was it,
Like I never did it again. And that was the
beginning of getting to Los Angeles. And I realized also
about addiction is that you can try to help someone
through addiction as much as you can, but unless that
person hits their rock bottom and unless they fully want
to change, or there's a light bulb moment or an
(12:51):
epiphany that happens, nothing is going to change, And that
was my moment. I was twenty twenty three and I
never did it again. I didn't even get sick when
I was pregnant, so God was like, you're done.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
You're done, No more sickness is for you, and enough
of that?
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Did you find mind that the body image stuff came
up again through pregnancy and both partum, Like when when
you've been through that and you've had that experience in
your younger years and you've come through it, was that
a trigger for you going through that period.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
I actually really loved being pregnant. I think women hate that.
I say this because I really loved. And I think
it's because my mental health. I struggle with anxiety and
generalized anxiety disorder, and I think that the hormones so
much progesteron made me really chill, so like I was
cruising through pregnancy like I never I was like, is
this what people feel like on a daily basis? I
(13:48):
felt very calm that being said, I yes, did I
despise my body afterwards? Yes? Did it ever get back
to It's like some people bounce back whatever the f
that means I did not. I had two five kilo
babies ten pound babies. They cut them out. I have
stretch marks, I have loose skin. I might or mightn't
(14:11):
fix it one day. I have a tear in my
abdomen from my kids. I don't know. Maybe I will,
maybe I won't. But I don't think I've ever truly
loved my body. And I don't really know any woman
that has. I don't know anyone of my friendship group
that walks around loving their body. And I think it's
(14:33):
really sad because I know what happens to men too.
But the men in my life look in the mirror
and think they're hot stuff, which is wonderful. But I
don't think I love my body now. I don't think
I love my body. Then, I don't think I love
my body being pregnant, not being pregnant. So your question is,
did it trigger anything. I don't think I've ever really
been on the other side of loving my figure. I
(14:56):
mean there are moments of it, right, there's like sparks
and flex of like, oh, I think I look great today,
But I will say that the shit that I give
about my body is so meaningless now as I've gotten older,
I really just don't care. Do I care about my health, yes?
Do I care about being able to bend down to
pick up my kids? Yes? Do I care about my body? Like,
(15:18):
I just really don't care. I've worked so much internally
that I just think there's so much more to focus
on that I kind of find it now boring. Yeah,
Like if I have a conversation with a friend who
starts just talking about body image, I really check out.
It just bores me.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
You After Home and Away, you pursued a music career,
and I remember it so vividly. You had such bangers
as perfect relationships.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
She placed all that time and whatever will be.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Whatever will be will be, and then.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
The good, bad and.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
The whole Those film clips have on me, the fringe,
the fashion, they were absolutely everything. Did you choose to
move on from music or was it not giving you
what you wanted it to?
Speaker 1 (16:21):
So I've been writing this last month, this part of
the chapter of my book, which was about the music
business and moving to London. I actually moved to London
after Australia for LA to release music, and the week
before my album was going to be released, I left
on my own accord I was done. I guess I
(16:41):
should just say you have to read it all in
the book, because unfortunately, if I give little snippets of it,
it can come out wrong. But it wasn't exactly what
I thought it was going to be record labels, and
I'm really I was really young. I'm not sure it
was completely what I wanted if it was handled the
way that I wanted it to be. There's just a
(17:03):
lot that goes on in the music business, and I
think it's different now, but I will share all of it,
going to name names. It just didn't feel right, and
I am proud of myself at twenty two that I
knew I had to get out of it. It doesn't
mean I don't love music, and it doesn't mean I
haven't been writing music. It just means that I think
(17:26):
I just wasn't ready for it, and I was not
releasing the music that I really wanted to release. Although
I loved the songs, I was really really at that
time wanting to do more of a Dido, Natalie and
Brulia thing, and I just wasn't seen in that light,
which is okay. You have to also, you know, respect
(17:47):
the people who know the business more than you do
at twenty one. But music is still there. It's still
in my soul. And I'm writing actually funnily enough in
Nashville because it's the epicenter of music, and I think
when the time is right, then I think music will
come along. Sorry to be so not that's fascinating, really
open about it, but yeah, I just it was an interesting, difficult, tough,
(18:12):
exhilarating time.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
After the break, I asked Hammond whether comparing herself to
others was amplified when she moved to Hollywood. You seem
to have had a really strong sense of self awareness
or sense of what you wanted from a very young age.
Even you did Home and Away and then you pursued music,
(18:40):
and then you went to Hollywood. You were very It
seemed like you knew what you wanted and you weren't
afraid to make what were probably a series of quite
tough decisions. Like I can imagine you're on Home and Away,
Australia is obsessed with you. It's a risk to then
go and try something new. Was that intimidating? Was it scary?
(19:02):
Did you after you weren't doing music anymore and you
went to Hollywood, did you kind of dwell in the
disappointment of it, or were you just excited for what
was next.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
I think as I've gotten older, I don't really give
myself props a lot, and that's what I'm working on
in therapy, like actually complimenting myself because I always say
the negative. But I think I have a really good
sense of what is right for me, Like I don't
have a plan B. This is it. There is no well,
if acting doesn't work out, then I'll become a real
(19:38):
estate agent. Like there is no plan B. There's nothing
that I'm designed for. There's nothing I've studied more than acting.
There's nothing that I love more than it. I think
that I've been lucky enough that my content creation on
my social media has actually been my side job for
many years, and I'm so grateful to work with great brands.
But at the end of the day, it's still acting, right,
I'm still acting in these things for social media. So
(20:00):
I guess my basis has always been entertaining people. And
I think because there's no plan B, if it doesn't
feel right in my gut, I'm there isn't really any dwelling.
Because I always say to my therapist, I just sometimes
I wafft between and She's like, but you always end
up making the decision that feels right and you never
(20:23):
regret it. You know. In my podcast, I ask people,
you know, what are your biggest regrets? And some people
have some and some people don't have that many. But
I think I would have done it all the same again,
even the hard stuff, even the pain that I've gone through,
even the mistakes I've made, I think I would have
done it all over again. I mean there's some times
(20:44):
that I kick myself that I was so close to
like me Megan Fox are another girl for Transformers, and
me Kaylee Kuoko and two other girls for Big Bang Theory.
I mean, those are the type of jobs that are
so life changing for many reasons that I think if
only I got those jobs, but then my children wouldn't exist. Yeah,
(21:04):
you know, and my children are my family, is my
whole world. So would I give up Transformers for them? Absolutely?
I wouldn't even think about it. I kind of think
it all was meant to be. And the funny thing,
which is not your question, but they've come to terms
with this too, is I don't think I've even begun
I haven't even sorted. I haven't even scratched the surface
(21:25):
of what I want to do, what I think I'm
capable of doing.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
It's interesting, though, that you think that about yourself, whereas
from the outside you are incredibly ambitious. You've taken big risks.
You made it in Australia, and then we're clearly like,
well that's not enough. I'm going to make it in America.
And you went to Hollywood. You got roles on The
Young and the Wrestlers, Hannah Montana and my personal favorite
(21:51):
as Jenna on Pretty Little Liars. What were the differences
that you noticed working in the industry in Australia and
working in the industry in the US. Is it a
different culture.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Yeah. Australia will always have the you'll be right sort
of attitude. The nothing's that much of a drama, which
is great, you know, oh yeah, whatever you need. I
felt like filming in places like austro Australia and even
like the UK, it seemed more like a family dynamic.
(22:26):
I mean again, I started when I was really young,
so I still wanted to make sure that I was,
you know, professional, and I didn't screw up. I had
a bit of a perfectionist issue when I was younger too,
and I didn't want to let anyone down. But going
back to neighbors recently, I was like, oh my goodness,
this is such an easier mentality than the States. And
(22:47):
we were talking about this before we started the podcast.
There's so many great things about Australia and so many
great things about America too, and sometimes people can look
at America and go, well, why do you live there?
And for me, whether you like it or not, with
three hundred million people, it is the land of opportunity.
And the thing that I love about America, especially in
(23:09):
the film business, is if someone makes it, everyone around
them praises and gets excited for their success because it
means that they ultimately have a chance at success too.
And I love that support when it comes to you
could be anything here. You could be homeless one day
(23:31):
and make you know, millions of dollars the next, and
people actually really they praise that they like band together.
So on set, I felt like when someone did a
scene that was great, everyone sort of like cheered and
whistled and a lot of congratulations. I did feel though
that in some of the shows, and I'm not gonna say, specifically,
(23:55):
you work with people who have been given a lot
when you're in you know, the film business, a lot
of yes people, and so there was definitely egos that
I had to sort of maneuver around that wasn't present
in Australia because everyone kind of is We're taught to like,
not make a fuss, right and don't think you're too big,
(24:17):
and don't speak too too loud, and in the States
it's just not like that.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Up next, Taman talks about the times in her life
where her world appeared perfect and shiny, but beneath the surface,
she was really struggling. I have a theory that the
world lies to us a bit about happiness, and that
often the moments where we expect to be the happiest
(24:45):
or that look the shiniest from the outside, are actually not. Yeah,
do you have any examples of when you looked like
you were on top of the world, how to chase
something incredible? It looked super glamorous, but under the surface
it was very different.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
I mean, I'm going to say a recent one that's
probably more relatable, because yes, of course there are times
at home and away that I was you know, when
I went to the logis. I remember I'd eaten like
half a packet of rice cakes that entire day, and
I felt like I was gonna pass out like things
like that. Of course magazine covers, Oh whatever will be
the music video. I was really deep in my bulimia
(25:26):
stage when we show that in Shanghai, and I remember,
like even scenes, I can like tell that my eyes
were bloodshot, and just lots of that sort of thing.
But recently we went to Italy and it.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
Was awful wow.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
And I actually posted about how awful it was on
my feed because I was like, I'm not going to
see another freakin' feed of someone in Europe saying, oh
my god, I'm there with my kids and it's so great.
I'm like bull shit. Firstly, the reason it was so
awful is I had just finished a movie. We were
actually supposed to go in the early part of summer,
so it wasn't gonna be as crowded, it wasn't gonna
(26:03):
be as hot. But then, luckily enough, I booked a
movie and I was shooting just near Boston in Mystic, Connecticut,
and I was shooting for a month, and so we're like, well,
I hadn't been to Italy for years and years and years.
It's my favorite spot, one of my favorite spots. I
got married in Italy and my eldest had been there
when she was very young, didn't remember. My youngest who's five,
(26:23):
hadn't been there, so it was a good travel. Ages
ten and five, I was like, we're gonna go to Italy.
We almost didn't have our passports because we had to
renew the kids passports. But you can't actually renew them.
You have to get a new one every time, like
after every five years, you have to get a new one.
So that was the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Becaus in the photo their bloody babies.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Yeah, no one told me that. They go, oh, it's
just a renewals. We're like, great, that'll take a week,
but it's like six weeks. So we had to pay
a ridiculous, disgusting amount of money to try to get
them expedited by the government. Then they got lost in
the post. Anyway, the day before we left, we got
the passports and I remember going like, this is gonna
be the best, This is gonna be the best trip.
I've always wanted to go to Italy. The minute we landed,
(27:02):
it was like forty three degrees Celsius. We had neck
fans on, we had ice packs. Of course, I'm like,
we have to see the call, see him. We have
to go see the Duomo, we have to go see
the Cistine Chapel. My family like hated me. My husband
and I fought the entire time. I called our therapist
(27:23):
and I was like, we need an emergency session. And
I called her. I'm like, I can't stand him right now.
I remember driving. We had to drive from Venice so
like another place that was six hours awak. We fought
the entire journey. I don't even know about what. It
wasn't even about some bigger picture thing about our lives
or how we raise our children or what we believe.
It was none of that. It was something ridiculous about
(27:45):
him being moody and me saying he ruined the trip,
and he's like, but it's really hot, and I'm like,
suck it up. Honestly, I remember this moment. I remember
this for the rest of my life. When we got
on that plane going from Italy back to America, I
looked at him and it was the first time I
saw him smile in two and a half weeks. He
looked at me, and he had this grin, this grin
(28:07):
that I was waiting to see every day for two
weeks in Italy. I thought he was gonna like pick
me up and it was gonna be this beautiful we
experience of our wedding and he was gonna feed me
pasta and gelato. No, he bitched the entire drip. I
bached him for bitching. The kids bitched because we were bitching.
(28:27):
It was just awful. We spent so much money on
it that I can't get back, and we should have
just done it. We should have parked ourselves after the
movie we were all exhausted. Yeah, parked ourselves in like
a kid's all inclusive place for five days where we
just got to lay down and the kids went to
kids club. And that would have been a way better vacation.
And to be honest, like, I'm really careful about waste,
(28:48):
and we don't go on vacations a lot. We are
normally working or saving for our future. We're not that
couple that goes on a European vacation. So it was
like really disappointing too, because my expectations, which is the
only way to happiness, is to recalibrate your expectations and
control your reactivity. But my expectations was everyone's gonna have
(29:09):
a blast, and no one.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
I think travel is so one of those times where
I think because it's also been flattened, like we absorb
it through TikTok and Instagram and you see these perfect
photos and you just imagine that it's going to be
the perfect temperature, you're gonna look stunning every day, professional hair,
professional makeup, and with kids, you think, oh, obviously kids
(29:32):
are going to behave themselves and they're going to absolutely
love it because they're in Europe. And then there's the
compounding guilt of being somewhere spending I had a trip
I went to Fiji and had the same experience.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
We were on an island.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
It was so expensive everything there and every day I
just felt sick. And it really compounds the sadness of
it because it's the idea that you should be feeling
so so so happy. I reckon so many people have
had that exact experience with a holiday.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
I really think it's ow judy, as just humans on
this planet, to be honest on social media about the
reality of what it's like. The reason I started becoming
so honest was because I didn't see anyone else talking
about the mental, physical, emotional load that parenting had on
like a woman. And you know, obviously it has a
own father too, but like really on a mother. And
(30:27):
I also live in a country where there is no
there is no paid medical We are the only first
world country that has no paid materially nothing zero, yeah, nothing,
And there's no programs, there's nothing. There's no help with breastfitting.
They send you home with a blanket and they're like,
good luck to you, and you don't know what you're doing.
Like I thought, well, I have to now talk about
this on my social media because I felt so alone
(30:49):
in motherhood and so isolated that I thought, well, at
least if I can help one person feel less alone
in their journey, then I've like done something.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Your social media content is incredible. It is so funny.
I just honestly, I can scroll through for so long
and just laugh out loud at your videos because I
know that being a woman on social media, you've clearly
found an audience who thinks it's absolutely hilarious and who
(31:19):
really really relates to what you're sharing. Has your relationship
with social media ever become toxic. Have you ever had
issues with getting comments that upset you or getting feedback
from people that feels really personal. Has it ever been
something that actually really compromises your happiness.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
I've been really blessed that I do get a few comments,
but I really don't until they go really viral. I've
had a few that have gone to like fifty million,
and when that happens, you don't know. It's like throwing
a stone into I don't know what I'm going to get, Like,
I don't know what's under that water, and all my goodness,
when they go really viral, I don't even open them.
(32:00):
I really don't. I don't spend a lot of time
in my comment section. I do spend a lot of
time on my dms because I like to have like
a relationship with people who are on my feed and
like they so many wonderful hips and advice and gosh,
I've learnt so much from my followers too. I will
say that what is taken away from my happiness is
it's really hard when creativity has to also be what
(32:23):
feeds you. And that is the biggest issue that I
have with my creativity in general, whether it's social media, acting, podcasting,
whatever is that. Mine and my husband's jobs are in
the creative field and they are what pays for our house.
I'll travel our kids' schools. And it's really hard sometimes
(32:44):
to be creative when financial gain is attached to that,
because sometimes you lose sight of like what really is
your purpose and your soul of why you're doing something
because you need the views, you need the people to
watch your movie, you need people to listen to your podcast,
because it becomes it's called the film business. It's not
the film fun. It's a business when you go down
(33:07):
the street as a billboard because it pays for the street.
When you listen to a podcast, it's an ad because
it peays for that podcast. So that's my biggest thing.
When your question was has it taken away my happiness?
It's taken away my happiness at times.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Because it has to do well, we don't pay the mortgage, right, Yeah,
So that's I think what's difficult about art? And do
you find that on social media you compare like the
way that you use it. Do you find yourself comparing
(33:39):
yourself to other people? Do you find yourself jealous or envious?
Every day and living in America and it being that
three hundred million people, it's just a bigger world. It's
a bigger pond and there are a really big fish.
Is jealousy something that you often contend with?
Speaker 1 (34:01):
So I learned this recently. Jealousy and envy are different.
And jealousy is more when you want more to be them,
like you're jealous of who they are, what they have,
the person that they are. And I think envy is
when you look on the outside and there's something about
(34:23):
what they have that you would like in your own life.
So I like my life and I would like more
of this, please. That's envy, And jealousy is like what
you really want who they are?
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Yeah right?
Speaker 1 (34:35):
And I don't ever look at people on social media
and go, oh, I wish I had their life because
I actually am, for the most part, happy with my life.
There's some things I'd like to change, but I do
get envious a lot. I get very envious because sometimes
I don't feel like it's fair. I feel, you know,
whether people know me like me or not. I have
(34:57):
worked my ass off since I was fifteen years old.
My husband I go to bed at one, we wake
up at five point thirty. We go to bed at
one because we're constantly creating or trying to create for
our production company or podcast or coming up with content
creation idea. Like, we don't stop. We've never stopped. We
don't really have the luxury to just have time off.
(35:18):
We don't have date nights. We're all in. And I
get envious sometimes when I feel like someone has become
really successful and it's seemingly which is probably not true,
seemingly happened overnight. Yeah, again, is never true, right because
you don't see all the hard work that goes underneath it.
But I do get envious sometimes for sure. And I compare.
(35:41):
Oh my goodness, I compare so much that I have
to really check myself and know that that's something that
I'm doing.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
I can't imagine being an actor where your livelihood is
so much determined by other people's decisions.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
And I can completely see that there would be parts
of that that would not be fair. There would be
all thoughts of like certain connections that people have or
personal relationships or you know, things totally beyond your control
that would lead to getting or not getting opportunities. Is
that something you've struggled with in the past, like when
(36:17):
you talk about you know, Big Bang theory and saying
Kaylee kloko, get that role. How do you wrestle with that?
Does it feel like failure? Like what does it feel
like to miss out on something like that?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
It just depends on the day and the time period
of my life. I think the things that I'm good
at is moving on fast. I've always been very good
at moving through it very fast. I don't linger on anything.
I mean, some hurt more than others, but I feel
like a failure on a daily basis, but then also
not a failure on a daily basis. So it's a
hard question because it's like, what is the authentic me?
(36:54):
The authentic me knows that I've just started and I
am going to get where I want to get to
because there's no other plan. B, there's no other choice.
And the monkey brain and the catastrophized thinking and the
black and white thinking holds on to that little girl
who was tea who's like, yeah, you are a loser.
So I beat myself up a lot, but then I
(37:15):
also come out of it. So I do think that
I have developed, like it or not, a resilience that
might be stronger than the average resilience because I've probably
been rejected thousands and thousands of times. I don't know
someone who would go, Okay, let's go back into that again. Yeah,
let's get rejected one more time. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
And a lot of people, a lot of people can't
do it. A lot of people give.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Up to give up. And I do believe, and this
isn't my husband, I say, I do believe that success
in this business is about the last person standing. I
really do. I think at some point it's whoever's willing
to stay in the storm.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
And then that's about character, That is about kind of
who you are intrinsically rather than any.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
Of the bullshit.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Yeah, it's who's determined enough to stand there and keep trying.
When you think about growing up, looking back at your life,
what is it that you think will have been what
made you happy? Like when you really zoom out, what
is it that you're going to focus on or that's
(38:24):
going to be the thing on your deathbed that you're like,
that is what gave me meaning and joy?
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Oh, it's not even a question. And I'm sure most
people say this, so maybe they don't, But like my family,
there's not even a question, like I'm not going to
sit and say like, oh, I wish I won that Emmy.
You know, although my work has given me such intense
pleasure and incredible moments of finding out who I am
(38:52):
through characters that I've played, Like, I love what I
do and I find so much joy in it, and
I think parenting is harder than me an actor. But
there's something so undeniable about like the moments that you
have with your children that are perfect that Again I say,
(39:13):
I'm not that religious, but I'm like that, right, there
is proof that there's a God. When I have that
those moments, I'm like, oh, I'm not afraid of what
happens next because I just witnessed something that was unexplainable.
And I don't have that with acting. I have a
sense of flow, which is this beautiful thing that comes
(39:34):
over me. And I had it with writing today. And
I was writing my book and actually didn't know what
I wrote. I wrote five pages and I was like,
I had no clue what I wrote. I blacked out
and I reread it and that's really cool because you
feel like time completely stops. But I never am in
my work and I go, oh, this is the closest
to God I'm ever going to get.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
Yeah, that comes from people, and yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
Kids And also I think children like are the closest
to something that we are still trying to find as
we get older. There's like such beauty and just like
witnessing them.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
We all always end this podcast by asking, right now,
with your life as it is, are you happy?
Speaker 1 (40:18):
I'm pretty happy. I think that there are some things,
circumstantial things in our lives right now that don't make
me the happiest that I'm not sure can be fixed
right this second, but I would say, in this moment,
I am pretty happy.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Are they things to do with work and kind of
the architecture of life, that nitty gritty kind of part
of it.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
I think it's family. I think it's trying to figure out,
you know, my parents are getting older. It's trying to
figure out how to split time in both places we
also live. The kids got accepted into schools before we
moved to buy this house, and so we drive forty
five minutes each way, which does take up much time.
And then also it sounds so silly, but because to
(41:10):
get up at six am, they're exhausted, and it's kind
of a it's a trickle down effect because they're exhausted,
We're rushing them when they get home, we're rushing them
into bed. They feel overwhelmed. So there's dad I'd like
to figure out. And then I think I'm not fully
flying in the capabilities of my career. I don't know
how much of this is true, but it could be
(41:31):
because I'm stuck in my own sort of dogma of
my belief system of what I truly am allowed to
do or I'm capable to do in my career. So
I'm kind of limiting myself with like limiting belief system.
And I'm also bogged down on things that I'm doing
that help out family out, like financially, that's probably not
(41:53):
really where my heart is. So trying to figure out
how to really do the things that I love and
to fly in that way.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
I think that's a tension for a lot of people,
is doing what is best for your family but doesn't
necessarily serve you. And it's one of those tensions that
I think as a parent is pretty enduring and can
be really.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
Hard because people ask me a lot, They say, why
don't you live in Australia full time? And I keep saying, well, unfortunately,
the film business and the television business as we stand
right now, we're a tenth of the United States, so
it's a tenth of the opportunity, and I cannot provide
from my family the way I can provide for them
(42:36):
in the States. And I'm really hoping at some point
that changes, because yeah, like, why wouldn't we want to
be there at twenty four.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Sevens, that's all we've got time for. On today's episode
of But Are You Happy? Tamon Sasock really is one
of those people whose life looks exceptionally shiny from the outside.
But I hope this conversation was a firm reminder of
(43:04):
the way we all grapple with a very similar set
of struggles. She's play by comparing herself to other people.
She has missed out on things that she really wanted
at the time. She has that desire to support herself
and her family, and then the struggle of balancing doing
what she loves while also making a living. And even
(43:28):
if somebody who is not a Hollywood actor, was not
a famous teenager who doesn't have my own production company
or a whole lot of people following me online, I
got a lot out of this conversation with Tamment. I
think the way she shares the gritty, imperfect parts of
her life is a gift, and I really want to
(43:49):
thank her for her openness in chatting to me. This
is also our last episode for the season, and I
feel like in this season we got a new level
of depth. We got some really diverse stories and a
variety of conversations, and I would absolutely love to know
from you what you got out of season.
Speaker 3 (44:11):
You can share it with me.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
You can slide into my DMS or we've got an
Instagram account, but are you happy account? You can slide
in there. We might put a question box up. We
want to know which episodes resonated the most with you,
what stories stuck with you, and who else you would
love to hear from. Please get in touch. There were
(44:35):
several themes throughout this season that might have brought things up,
so we've got some resources for support in the show notes.
We've also got a few surprises coming in the feed,
so keep an eye out. There's a very exciting interview
that will be dropping soon, and there will also be
(44:56):
other things dropping when you are least expecting to hear
from us.
Speaker 3 (45:01):
You can also leave a review.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
It really helps people to find us and to listen
to these conversations. You can share the show with a
friend and and we'll see you next season. The executive
producer of that Are You Happy? His name A Brown.
The producer is Charlie Blackman. Audio by Tom Lyon. And
I'm your host Chleas Stevens and I've loved hanging out
with you for the last several weeks. We'll chat to
(45:25):
you again soon.
Speaker 3 (45:26):
Thanks.
Said, you're listening to a mum and mea podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Mamma may I acknowledges the traditional owners of the land
and waters that this podcast is recorded on.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
You know. In my podcast, I ask people, you know,
what are your biggest regrets? And some people have some
some people who don't have that many. But I think
I would have done it all the same again, even
the horrid stuff, even the pain that I've gone through,
even the mistakes I've made, I think I would have
done it all over again.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Hello and welcome to But Are You Happy? The podcast
that asks the questions you've always wanted to know from
the people who appear to have it all. I'm Claire Stevens,
and today's guest is tam And Sassock. She is an
actor known for playing characters like Danny Sutherland on Home
and Away, Danny, what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Show, mister Fisher what we think of his showmnist attitude.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Colleen Carlton on The Young and the.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Restless, Well, she isn't fond of the really.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Hip and Jenna Marshall on Pretty Little Eyes, which I
was obsessed with. She also owns her own production company
with her husband called Charlie Baby Productions. She hosts a
podcast called The Shit Show with Tamon Cursock and is
a very very funny creator online.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
When I was.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Growing up, Taman Cursock was everywhere in Australian media. She
was on the cover of all the magazines. She was
on TV, she was at the logis. She had music
I listened to and film clips. I studied for fashion
and styling tips. She had a great fringe. I was
obsessed with her and if I could have chosen what
I wanted to look like as a teenager, I would
(01:49):
have just pointed to a photo of Taman Sursock. But
behind the scenes things weren't so glamorous. She had experienced
bullying in her early teenage years, which wreaked havoc on
her self esteem, and then as her fame grew, she's
spoken recently about how she developed an eating disorder. She
(02:10):
moved to Hollywood, and she lived through all the frustrations
that come with not having control over your work opportunities,
and now she's grappling with the parts of making art
that are really difficult, like the compromises you have to make,
the relentlessness of it, and how things like envy still
pop up Taman is so open and honest, and I
(02:34):
started by asking her about her childhood.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
I actually think that the happiest part of my life
was sort of before I became a teenager. We immigrated
from South Africa when I was five years old, so
I was actually born in Johannesburg. I've actually only spent
about fifteen of years of my life in Sydney, Australia,
but I'm still obviously Nausie and I have my Australian citizenship.
(03:01):
But the first part of my life I was in Johannesburg,
and we immigrated when I was five years old, and
you know, we came at a time that was really
a really difficult time in South Africa, and my parents
chose a better life for us. And what had happened
is that when we immigrated, you can't take any money
(03:23):
out of the country. So my parents, you know, had
like a nest egg that they had set up in
South Africa, and when we immigrated, we had to completely
start again. And I really credit my parents' tenacity and
hustle and just keeping everything together and making it seem
like this was fun that we had to start over,
(03:44):
rather than it was like this hard burden that we
had to carry, and I really didn't know in the
beginning how difficult it was for my parents to start
over because it was always it never felt like we
were going without in any way. My dad was very
adamant to put us into private schools and that was
where he spent his money, and we did go from
(04:07):
rental property to rental property like every couple of years.
But I didn't know that that wasn't, you know, normal,
and I loved it all. You know, I had a
very good childhood, Like I don't remember anything that was
really that negative.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
What do you think was your you know, you say
that kind of before you became a teenager was a
really really happy time. What do you think changed? That's
often a period as especially women. I think as we
enter our teenage years, something changes, maybe an awareness of
the world being a bit harder. What was that experience
(04:45):
like for you?
Speaker 1 (04:47):
My I got bullied, So I was very happy until
I started to get to that point where there's like
pre pubescent and I was quite overweight. I was about
ninety killers and I was severely bullied as a kid
by my classmates. So when you at an old girls school,
that's why I don't normal if I'll ever put my
(05:08):
kids in a just single sex school, because there is,
especially in young girls, there is that sort of pack mentality.
And I was bullied a lot, and especially because of
my size, and because of it, even though I was
really happy being that size, because of that, I decided
to lose weight in a healthy manner and it worked.
(05:29):
I lost gosh. I was went down to forty nine
kilos really fast, and it felt all of a sudden,
I started to get attention and all these you know,
people came out of the woodwork and were really nice
to me, and it felt really good. And then I
auditioned for Home and Away three to five months after
(05:50):
I'd lost the weight, and I got the job. So
there begins my struggle with self loathing and self worth
and you know, from a very young age, when my
brain was at a fertile environment to like really take
on all this change in negativity. And I then didn't
(06:13):
know how to stay small without not eating. And I
think that was the part of my life that was
interestingly some of the best parts of my life, but
also some of the hardest. And it took me a
very long time to be able to talk about it.
I had to be fully recovered. I think most of
(06:33):
the things that I talk about is because I've been
able to come out on the other end. I don't
know if I'm like in something, I just can't really
communicate it in a succinct manner. But I think that
that was it. I don't think that my quote unquote
unhappiness came from anything other than getting successful at an
age where like, I didn't really like myself, but then
(06:57):
I also had this dichotomy of the world really liking me,
but I didn't really know who I was, and I'm
still trying to figure that out, and like, oh my god,
who the fuck am I?
Speaker 2 (07:06):
You were in that really rare position of well, I
guess it's not completely rare. Where your body changed and
something happened, which was getting the role on Home and
Away that you've said that you kind of internalized the
belief that being thin meant being accepted and loved and adored.
(07:27):
Because that happened at the same time, how did that
manifest for you? Like, when you're on Home and Away,
you were on magazine covers, you were winning awards, you
were getting all this industry recognition. What did you feel
internally about yourself.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Oh that my worth was completely linked to the size
of my genes. I mean, how could it not have been? Right?
So the hero was this young kid who was bullied
because of their size. They lose the weight and again
Home and Away doesn't know this, like they just saw
(08:08):
Rola came in and did a good job, and they
gave me the job. But I knew that the girl
before wasn't accepted, and the girl who looked a different
way now and presented herself in a different way to
the world was now accepted. So my self worth was
dependent on my size. And also I lived through the nineties.
(08:30):
I can't. I don't even know a woman who's able
to come out of the nineties unscathed without some kind
of distorted eating. I mean, the magazine covers. Everything in
the media was you would feel better, you will love
yourself more, ten kilo's lighter. You know. Everything was about
like the next diet that would make you feel happier.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
I remember with my adolescence, you were the most beautiful
girl in the world, like like like I looked at
magazine covers and I remember thinking, if I could draw
how I wanted to look, it would be Tamansas, and
so I think it's actually really insightful to know that
the person that I was so admiring was suffering from
(09:14):
what I was suffering from, which was feeling like I
wasn't good enough. You have shared a story which I
remember reading years ago and being really moved by. Wait,
you talked about being a kid and a boy approaching
me and making a Jenny Craig joke. Yeah, can you
(09:35):
share that story and how you felt in that moment?
Speaker 1 (09:38):
And I was at the knock School dance actually, and I.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
Was I went to a knock school dance, I know.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
And I remember I felt so cute, and my mom
was there supporting me, and she dropped me off and
we like, you know, gotten their nails done and bought
the formal dress. And my brother actually went to the
same school, and there was a boy that I was
just super crushing on and he made eyes at me,
and I just remember like the whole world began to
decolor and I just everything was like in slow motion,
(10:08):
and I could see him walking towards and I thought,
this is it, Like this is the moment where you
know the guy that I've been feverishly anticipating will one
day come up to me in my dreams.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
This was it.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
This was the moment, and he walked up to me
and he said, you need to go to Jenny Craig.
And I remember it so well because I don't even
know if in that moment I thought I'm broken, but
I almost want to. I don't even know who he
is these days, who he is, but I'd almost like
to thank him if he ever finds out about my
(10:42):
story and this so he probably doesn't remember, but that
comment changed the course of my life for the rest
of my life. Now, were there peaks and valleys? Absolutely?
Was my head in a toilet bowl for the better
part of four years. Absolutely, But something in that moment
(11:03):
made me want change. I thought it was healthy to
start with, and it was, and then it diverted into
not being healthy.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
When you got to Hollywood. Was the body image stuff exacerbated?
Like is Hollywood just a completely different level in terms
of the self criticism comparing yourself to other people?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Oh, the comparison I still struggle with on a daily basis,
to the point where I don't suffer depression, but it
can get me in a depressive state if I spend
too much time looking through other people's social media. The
funny thing is that by the time I got to
Los Angeles, I had gotten through the worst of my
eating disorder. And I actually met my husband Sean, who
(11:47):
have been with for eighteen years now, six months after
I got to America, and I had only I was
kind of on the edge of my eating disorder. And
I remember one time purging while we were together and
the look of like sadness in his eyes. I'll never
(12:07):
forget because he knew what I did and why I
did it, and I guess the self loathing I had
at that time, and I looked at him and I thought,
I don't ever want to feel like this again, Like
I don't ever want to feel sick again. I don't
ever want to feel like someone feels I feel shame
in front of but also feel sorry for me. And
(12:30):
in that moment, I just was like, that was it,
Like I never did it again. And that was the
beginning of getting to Los Angeles. And I realized also
about addiction is that you can try to help someone
through addiction as much as you can, but unless that
person hits their rock bottom and unless they fully want
to change, or there's a light bulb moment or an
(12:51):
epiphany that happens, nothing is going to change, And that
was my moment. I was twenty twenty three and I
never did it again. I didn't even get sick when
I was pregnant, so God was like, you're done.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
You're done, No more sickness is for you, and enough
of that?
Speaker 2 (13:09):
Did you find mind that the body image stuff came
up again through pregnancy and both partum, Like when when
you've been through that and you've had that experience in
your younger years and you've come through it, was that
a trigger for you going through that period.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
I actually really loved being pregnant. I think women hate that.
I say this because I really loved. And I think
it's because my mental health. I struggle with anxiety and
generalized anxiety disorder, and I think that the hormones so
much progesteron made me really chill, so like I was
cruising through pregnancy like I never I was like, is
this what people feel like on a daily basis? I
(13:48):
felt very calm that being said, I yes, did I
despise my body afterwards? Yes? Did it ever get back
to It's like some people bounce back whatever the f
that means I did not. I had two five kilo
babies ten pound babies. They cut them out. I have
stretch marks, I have loose skin. I might or mightn't
(14:11):
fix it one day. I have a tear in my
abdomen from my kids. I don't know. Maybe I will,
maybe I won't. But I don't think I've ever truly
loved my body. And I don't really know any woman
that has. I don't know anyone of my friendship group
that walks around loving their body. And I think it's
(14:33):
really sad because I know what happens to men too.
But the men in my life look in the mirror
and think they're hot stuff, which is wonderful. But I
don't think I love my body now. I don't think
I love my body. Then, I don't think I love
my body being pregnant, not being pregnant. So your question is,
did it trigger anything. I don't think I've ever really
been on the other side of loving my figure. I
(14:56):
mean there are moments of it, right, there's like sparks
and flex of like, oh, I think I look great today,
But I will say that the shit that I give
about my body is so meaningless now as I've gotten older,
I really just don't care. Do I care about my health, yes?
Do I care about being able to bend down to
pick up my kids? Yes? Do I care about my body? Like,
(15:18):
I just really don't care. I've worked so much internally
that I just think there's so much more to focus
on that I kind of find it now boring. Yeah,
Like if I have a conversation with a friend who
starts just talking about body image, I really check out.
It just bores me.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
You After Home and Away, you pursued a music career,
and I remember it so vividly. You had such bangers
as perfect relationships.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
She placed all that time and whatever will be.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Whatever will be will be, and then.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
The good, bad and.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
The whole Those film clips have on me, the fringe,
the fashion, they were absolutely everything. Did you choose to
move on from music or was it not giving you
what you wanted it to?
Speaker 1 (16:21):
So I've been writing this last month, this part of
the chapter of my book, which was about the music
business and moving to London. I actually moved to London
after Australia for LA to release music, and the week
before my album was going to be released, I left
on my own accord I was done. I guess I
(16:41):
should just say you have to read it all in
the book, because unfortunately, if I give little snippets of it,
it can come out wrong. But it wasn't exactly what
I thought it was going to be record labels, and
I'm really I was really young. I'm not sure it
was completely what I wanted if it was handled the
way that I wanted it to be. There's just a
(17:03):
lot that goes on in the music business, and I
think it's different now, but I will share all of it,
going to name names. It just didn't feel right, and
I am proud of myself at twenty two that I
knew I had to get out of it. It doesn't
mean I don't love music, and it doesn't mean I
haven't been writing music. It just means that I think
(17:26):
I just wasn't ready for it, and I was not
releasing the music that I really wanted to release. Although
I loved the songs, I was really really at that
time wanting to do more of a Dido, Natalie and
Brulia thing, and I just wasn't seen in that light,
which is okay. You have to also, you know, respect
(17:47):
the people who know the business more than you do
at twenty one. But music is still there. It's still
in my soul. And I'm writing actually funnily enough in
Nashville because it's the epicenter of music, and I think
when the time is right, then I think music will
come along. Sorry to be so not that's fascinating, really
open about it, but yeah, I just it was an interesting, difficult, tough,
(18:12):
exhilarating time.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
After the break, I asked Hammond whether comparing herself to
others was amplified when she moved to Hollywood. You seem
to have had a really strong sense of self awareness
or sense of what you wanted from a very young age.
Even you did Home and Away and then you pursued music,
(18:40):
and then you went to Hollywood. You were very It
seemed like you knew what you wanted and you weren't
afraid to make what were probably a series of quite
tough decisions. Like I can imagine you're on Home and Away,
Australia is obsessed with you. It's a risk to then
go and try something new. Was that intimidating? Was it scary?
(19:02):
Did you after you weren't doing music anymore and you
went to Hollywood, did you kind of dwell in the
disappointment of it, or were you just excited for what
was next.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
I think as I've gotten older, I don't really give
myself props a lot, and that's what I'm working on
in therapy, like actually complimenting myself because I always say
the negative. But I think I have a really good
sense of what is right for me, Like I don't
have a plan B. This is it. There is no well,
if acting doesn't work out, then I'll become a real
(19:38):
estate agent. Like there is no plan B. There's nothing
that I'm designed for. There's nothing I've studied more than acting.
There's nothing that I love more than it. I think
that I've been lucky enough that my content creation on
my social media has actually been my side job for
many years, and I'm so grateful to work with great brands.
But at the end of the day, it's still acting, right,
I'm still acting in these things for social media. So
(20:00):
I guess my basis has always been entertaining people. And
I think because there's no plan B, if it doesn't
feel right in my gut, I'm there isn't really any dwelling.
Because I always say to my therapist, I just sometimes
I wafft between and She's like, but you always end
up making the decision that feels right and you never
(20:23):
regret it. You know. In my podcast, I ask people,
you know, what are your biggest regrets? And some people
have some and some people don't have that many. But
I think I would have done it all the same again,
even the hard stuff, even the pain that I've gone through,
even the mistakes I've made, I think I would have
done it all over again. I mean there's some times
(20:44):
that I kick myself that I was so close to
like me Megan Fox are another girl for Transformers, and
me Kaylee Kuoko and two other girls for Big Bang Theory.
I mean, those are the type of jobs that are
so life changing for many reasons that I think if
only I got those jobs, but then my children wouldn't exist. Yeah,
(21:04):
you know, and my children are my family, is my
whole world. So would I give up Transformers for them? Absolutely?
I wouldn't even think about it. I kind of think
it all was meant to be. And the funny thing,
which is not your question, but they've come to terms
with this too, is I don't think I've even begun
I haven't even sorted. I haven't even scratched the surface
(21:25):
of what I want to do, what I think I'm
capable of doing.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
It's interesting, though, that you think that about yourself, whereas
from the outside you are incredibly ambitious. You've taken big risks.
You made it in Australia, and then we're clearly like,
well that's not enough. I'm going to make it in America.
And you went to Hollywood. You got roles on The
Young and the Wrestlers, Hannah Montana and my personal favorite
(21:51):
as Jenna on Pretty Little Liars. What were the differences
that you noticed working in the industry in Australia and
working in the industry in the US. Is it a
different culture.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Yeah. Australia will always have the you'll be right sort
of attitude. The nothing's that much of a drama, which
is great, you know, oh yeah, whatever you need. I
felt like filming in places like austro Australia and even
like the UK, it seemed more like a family dynamic.
(22:26):
I mean again, I started when I was really young,
so I still wanted to make sure that I was,
you know, professional, and I didn't screw up. I had
a bit of a perfectionist issue when I was younger too,
and I didn't want to let anyone down. But going
back to neighbors recently, I was like, oh my goodness,
this is such an easier mentality than the States. And
(22:47):
we were talking about this before we started the podcast.
There's so many great things about Australia and so many
great things about America too, and sometimes people can look
at America and go, well, why do you live there?
And for me, whether you like it or not, with
three hundred million people, it is the land of opportunity.
And the thing that I love about America, especially in
(23:09):
the film business, is if someone makes it, everyone around
them praises and gets excited for their success because it
means that they ultimately have a chance at success too.
And I love that support when it comes to you
could be anything here. You could be homeless one day
(23:31):
and make you know, millions of dollars the next, and
people actually really they praise that they like band together.
So on set, I felt like when someone did a
scene that was great, everyone sort of like cheered and
whistled and a lot of congratulations. I did feel though
that in some of the shows, and I'm not gonna say, specifically,
(23:55):
you work with people who have been given a lot
when you're in you know, the film business, a lot
of yes people, and so there was definitely egos that
I had to sort of maneuver around that wasn't present
in Australia because everyone kind of is We're taught to like,
not make a fuss, right and don't think you're too big,
(24:17):
and don't speak too too loud, and in the States
it's just not like that.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Up next, Taman talks about the times in her life
where her world appeared perfect and shiny, but beneath the surface,
she was really struggling. I have a theory that the
world lies to us a bit about happiness, and that
often the moments where we expect to be the happiest
(24:45):
or that look the shiniest from the outside, are actually not. Yeah,
do you have any examples of when you looked like
you were on top of the world, how to chase
something incredible? It looked super glamorous, but under the surface
it was very different.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
I mean, I'm going to say a recent one that's
probably more relatable, because yes, of course there are times
at home and away that I was you know, when
I went to the logis. I remember I'd eaten like
half a packet of rice cakes that entire day, and
I felt like I was gonna pass out like things
like that. Of course magazine covers, Oh whatever will be
the music video. I was really deep in my bulimia
(25:26):
stage when we show that in Shanghai, and I remember,
like even scenes, I can like tell that my eyes
were bloodshot, and just lots of that sort of thing.
But recently we went to Italy and it.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
Was awful wow.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
And I actually posted about how awful it was on
my feed because I was like, I'm not going to
see another freakin' feed of someone in Europe saying, oh
my god, I'm there with my kids and it's so great.
I'm like bull shit. Firstly, the reason it was so
awful is I had just finished a movie. We were
actually supposed to go in the early part of summer,
so it wasn't gonna be as crowded, it wasn't gonna
(26:03):
be as hot. But then, luckily enough, I booked a
movie and I was shooting just near Boston in Mystic, Connecticut,
and I was shooting for a month, and so we're like, well,
I hadn't been to Italy for years and years and years.
It's my favorite spot, one of my favorite spots. I
got married in Italy and my eldest had been there
when she was very young, didn't remember. My youngest who's five,
(26:23):
hadn't been there, so it was a good travel. Ages
ten and five, I was like, we're gonna go to Italy.
We almost didn't have our passports because we had to
renew the kids passports. But you can't actually renew them.
You have to get a new one every time, like
after every five years, you have to get a new one.
So that was the whole thing.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Becaus in the photo their bloody babies.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Yeah, no one told me that. They go, oh, it's
just a renewals. We're like, great, that'll take a week,
but it's like six weeks. So we had to pay
a ridiculous, disgusting amount of money to try to get
them expedited by the government. Then they got lost in
the post. Anyway, the day before we left, we got
the passports and I remember going like, this is gonna
be the best, This is gonna be the best trip.
I've always wanted to go to Italy. The minute we landed,
(27:02):
it was like forty three degrees Celsius. We had neck
fans on, we had ice packs. Of course, I'm like,
we have to see the call, see him. We have
to go see the Duomo, we have to go see
the Cistine Chapel. My family like hated me. My husband
and I fought the entire time. I called our therapist
(27:23):
and I was like, we need an emergency session. And
I called her. I'm like, I can't stand him right now.
I remember driving. We had to drive from Venice so
like another place that was six hours awak. We fought
the entire journey. I don't even know about what. It
wasn't even about some bigger picture thing about our lives
or how we raise our children or what we believe.
It was none of that. It was something ridiculous about
(27:45):
him being moody and me saying he ruined the trip,
and he's like, but it's really hot, and I'm like,
suck it up. Honestly, I remember this moment. I remember
this for the rest of my life. When we got
on that plane going from Italy back to America, I
looked at him and it was the first time I
saw him smile in two and a half weeks. He
looked at me, and he had this grin, this grin
(28:07):
that I was waiting to see every day for two
weeks in Italy. I thought he was gonna like pick
me up and it was gonna be this beautiful we
experience of our wedding and he was gonna feed me
pasta and gelato. No, he bitched the entire drip. I
bached him for bitching. The kids bitched because we were bitching.
(28:27):
It was just awful. We spent so much money on
it that I can't get back, and we should have
just done it. We should have parked ourselves after the
movie we were all exhausted. Yeah, parked ourselves in like
a kid's all inclusive place for five days where we
just got to lay down and the kids went to
kids club. And that would have been a way better vacation.
And to be honest, like, I'm really careful about waste,
(28:48):
and we don't go on vacations a lot. We are
normally working or saving for our future. We're not that
couple that goes on a European vacation. So it was
like really disappointing too, because my expectations, which is the
only way to happiness, is to recalibrate your expectations and
control your reactivity. But my expectations was everyone's gonna have
(29:09):
a blast, and no one.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
I think travel is so one of those times where
I think because it's also been flattened, like we absorb
it through TikTok and Instagram and you see these perfect
photos and you just imagine that it's going to be
the perfect temperature, you're gonna look stunning every day, professional hair,
professional makeup, and with kids, you think, oh, obviously kids
(29:32):
are going to behave themselves and they're going to absolutely
love it because they're in Europe. And then there's the
compounding guilt of being somewhere spending I had a trip
I went to Fiji and had the same experience.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
We were on an island.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
It was so expensive everything there and every day I
just felt sick. And it really compounds the sadness of
it because it's the idea that you should be feeling
so so so happy. I reckon so many people have
had that exact experience with a holiday.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
I really think it's ow judy, as just humans on
this planet, to be honest on social media about the
reality of what it's like. The reason I started becoming
so honest was because I didn't see anyone else talking
about the mental, physical, emotional load that parenting had on
like a woman. And you know, obviously it has a
own father too, but like really on a mother. And
(30:27):
I also live in a country where there is no
there is no paid medical We are the only first
world country that has no paid materially nothing zero, yeah, nothing,
And there's no programs, there's nothing. There's no help with breastfitting.
They send you home with a blanket and they're like,
good luck to you, and you don't know what you're doing.
Like I thought, well, I have to now talk about
this on my social media because I felt so alone
(30:49):
in motherhood and so isolated that I thought, well, at
least if I can help one person feel less alone
in their journey, then I've like done something.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Your social media content is incredible. It is so funny.
I just honestly, I can scroll through for so long
and just laugh out loud at your videos because I
know that being a woman on social media, you've clearly
found an audience who thinks it's absolutely hilarious and who
(31:19):
really really relates to what you're sharing. Has your relationship
with social media ever become toxic. Have you ever had
issues with getting comments that upset you or getting feedback
from people that feels really personal. Has it ever been
something that actually really compromises your happiness.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
I've been really blessed that I do get a few comments,
but I really don't until they go really viral. I've
had a few that have gone to like fifty million,
and when that happens, you don't know. It's like throwing
a stone into I don't know what I'm going to get, Like,
I don't know what's under that water, and all my goodness,
when they go really viral, I don't even open them.
(32:00):
I really don't. I don't spend a lot of time
in my comment section. I do spend a lot of
time on my dms because I like to have like
a relationship with people who are on my feed and
like they so many wonderful hips and advice and gosh,
I've learnt so much from my followers too. I will
say that what is taken away from my happiness is
it's really hard when creativity has to also be what
(32:23):
feeds you. And that is the biggest issue that I
have with my creativity in general, whether it's social media, acting, podcasting,
whatever is that. Mine and my husband's jobs are in
the creative field and they are what pays for our house.
I'll travel our kids' schools. And it's really hard sometimes
(32:44):
to be creative when financial gain is attached to that,
because sometimes you lose sight of like what really is
your purpose and your soul of why you're doing something
because you need the views, you need the people to
watch your movie, you need people to listen to your podcast,
because it becomes it's called the film business. It's not
the film fun. It's a business when you go down
(33:07):
the street as a billboard because it pays for the street.
When you listen to a podcast, it's an ad because
it peays for that podcast. So that's my biggest thing.
When your question was has it taken away my happiness?
It's taken away my happiness at times.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Because it has to do well, we don't pay the mortgage, right, Yeah,
So that's I think what's difficult about art? And do
you find that on social media you compare like the
way that you use it. Do you find yourself comparing
(33:39):
yourself to other people? Do you find yourself jealous or envious?
Every day and living in America and it being that
three hundred million people, it's just a bigger world. It's
a bigger pond and there are a really big fish.
Is jealousy something that you often contend with?
Speaker 1 (34:01):
So I learned this recently. Jealousy and envy are different.
And jealousy is more when you want more to be them,
like you're jealous of who they are, what they have,
the person that they are. And I think envy is
when you look on the outside and there's something about
(34:23):
what they have that you would like in your own life.
So I like my life and I would like more
of this, please. That's envy, And jealousy is like what
you really want who they are?
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Yeah right?
Speaker 1 (34:35):
And I don't ever look at people on social media
and go, oh, I wish I had their life because
I actually am, for the most part, happy with my life.
There's some things I'd like to change, but I do
get envious a lot. I get very envious because sometimes
I don't feel like it's fair. I feel, you know,
whether people know me like me or not. I have
(34:57):
worked my ass off since I was fifteen years old.
My husband I go to bed at one, we wake
up at five point thirty. We go to bed at
one because we're constantly creating or trying to create for
our production company or podcast or coming up with content
creation idea. Like, we don't stop. We've never stopped. We
don't really have the luxury to just have time off.
(35:18):
We don't have date nights. We're all in. And I
get envious sometimes when I feel like someone has become
really successful and it's seemingly which is probably not true,
seemingly happened overnight. Yeah, again, is never true, right because
you don't see all the hard work that goes underneath it.
But I do get envious sometimes for sure. And I compare.
(35:41):
Oh my goodness, I compare so much that I have
to really check myself and know that that's something that
I'm doing.
Speaker 3 (35:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
I can't imagine being an actor where your livelihood is
so much determined by other people's decisions.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
And I can completely see that there would be parts
of that that would not be fair. There would be
all thoughts of like certain connections that people have or
personal relationships or you know, things totally beyond your control
that would lead to getting or not getting opportunities. Is
that something you've struggled with in the past, like when
(36:17):
you talk about you know, Big Bang theory and saying
Kaylee kloko, get that role. How do you wrestle with that?
Does it feel like failure? Like what does it feel
like to miss out on something like that?
Speaker 1 (36:29):
It just depends on the day and the time period
of my life. I think the things that I'm good
at is moving on fast. I've always been very good
at moving through it very fast. I don't linger on anything.
I mean, some hurt more than others, but I feel
like a failure on a daily basis, but then also
not a failure on a daily basis. So it's a
hard question because it's like, what is the authentic me?
(36:54):
The authentic me knows that I've just started and I
am going to get where I want to get to
because there's no other plan. B, there's no other choice.
And the monkey brain and the catastrophized thinking and the
black and white thinking holds on to that little girl
who was tea who's like, yeah, you are a loser.
So I beat myself up a lot, but then I
(37:15):
also come out of it. So I do think that
I have developed, like it or not, a resilience that
might be stronger than the average resilience because I've probably
been rejected thousands and thousands of times. I don't know
someone who would go, Okay, let's go back into that again. Yeah,
let's get rejected one more time. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
And a lot of people, a lot of people can't
do it. A lot of people give.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Up to give up. And I do believe, and this
isn't my husband, I say, I do believe that success
in this business is about the last person standing. I
really do. I think at some point it's whoever's willing
to stay in the storm.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
And then that's about character, That is about kind of
who you are intrinsically rather than any.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
Of the bullshit.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
Yeah, it's who's determined enough to stand there and keep trying.
When you think about growing up, looking back at your life,
what is it that you think will have been what
made you happy? Like when you really zoom out, what
is it that you're going to focus on or that's
(38:24):
going to be the thing on your deathbed that you're like,
that is what gave me meaning and joy?
Speaker 1 (38:30):
Oh, it's not even a question. And I'm sure most
people say this, so maybe they don't, But like my family,
there's not even a question, like I'm not going to
sit and say like, oh, I wish I won that Emmy.
You know, although my work has given me such intense
pleasure and incredible moments of finding out who I am
(38:52):
through characters that I've played, Like, I love what I
do and I find so much joy in it, and
I think parenting is harder than me an actor. But
there's something so undeniable about like the moments that you
have with your children that are perfect that Again I say,
(39:13):
I'm not that religious, but I'm like that, right, there
is proof that there's a God. When I have that
those moments, I'm like, oh, I'm not afraid of what
happens next because I just witnessed something that was unexplainable.
And I don't have that with acting. I have a
sense of flow, which is this beautiful thing that comes
(39:34):
over me. And I had it with writing today. And
I was writing my book and actually didn't know what
I wrote. I wrote five pages and I was like,
I had no clue what I wrote. I blacked out
and I reread it and that's really cool because you
feel like time completely stops. But I never am in
my work and I go, oh, this is the closest
to God I'm ever going to get.
Speaker 2 (39:54):
Yeah, that comes from people, and yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
Kids And also I think children like are the closest
to something that we are still trying to find as
we get older. There's like such beauty and just like
witnessing them.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
We all always end this podcast by asking, right now,
with your life as it is, are you happy?
Speaker 1 (40:18):
I'm pretty happy. I think that there are some things,
circumstantial things in our lives right now that don't make
me the happiest that I'm not sure can be fixed
right this second, but I would say, in this moment,
I am pretty happy.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
Are they things to do with work and kind of
the architecture of life, that nitty gritty kind of part
of it.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
I think it's family. I think it's trying to figure out,
you know, my parents are getting older. It's trying to
figure out how to split time in both places we
also live. The kids got accepted into schools before we
moved to buy this house, and so we drive forty
five minutes each way, which does take up much time.
And then also it sounds so silly, but because to
(41:10):
get up at six am, they're exhausted, and it's kind
of a it's a trickle down effect because they're exhausted,
We're rushing them when they get home, we're rushing them
into bed. They feel overwhelmed. So there's dad I'd like
to figure out. And then I think I'm not fully
flying in the capabilities of my career. I don't know
how much of this is true, but it could be
(41:31):
because I'm stuck in my own sort of dogma of
my belief system of what I truly am allowed to
do or I'm capable to do in my career. So
I'm kind of limiting myself with like limiting belief system.
And I'm also bogged down on things that I'm doing
that help out family out, like financially, that's probably not
(41:53):
really where my heart is. So trying to figure out
how to really do the things that I love and
to fly in that way.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
I think that's a tension for a lot of people,
is doing what is best for your family but doesn't
necessarily serve you. And it's one of those tensions that
I think as a parent is pretty enduring and can
be really.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
Hard because people ask me a lot, They say, why
don't you live in Australia full time? And I keep saying, well, unfortunately,
the film business and the television business as we stand
right now, we're a tenth of the United States, so
it's a tenth of the opportunity, and I cannot provide
from my family the way I can provide for them
(42:36):
in the States. And I'm really hoping at some point
that changes, because yeah, like, why wouldn't we want to
be there at twenty four.
Speaker 2 (42:43):
Sevens, that's all we've got time for. On today's episode
of But Are You Happy? Tamon Sasock really is one
of those people whose life looks exceptionally shiny from the outside.
But I hope this conversation was a firm reminder of
(43:04):
the way we all grapple with a very similar set
of struggles. She's play by comparing herself to other people.
She has missed out on things that she really wanted
at the time. She has that desire to support herself
and her family, and then the struggle of balancing doing
what she loves while also making a living. And even
(43:28):
if somebody who is not a Hollywood actor, was not
a famous teenager who doesn't have my own production company
or a whole lot of people following me online, I
got a lot out of this conversation with Tamment. I
think the way she shares the gritty, imperfect parts of
her life is a gift, and I really want to
(43:49):
thank her for her openness in chatting to me. This
is also our last episode for the season, and I
feel like in this season we got a new level
of depth. We got some really diverse stories and a
variety of conversations, and I would absolutely love to know
from you what you got out of season.
Speaker 3 (44:11):
You can share it with me.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
You can slide into my DMS or we've got an
Instagram account, but are you happy account? You can slide
in there. We might put a question box up. We
want to know which episodes resonated the most with you,
what stories stuck with you, and who else you would
love to hear from. Please get in touch. There were
(44:35):
several themes throughout this season that might have brought things up,
so we've got some resources for support in the show notes.
We've also got a few surprises coming in the feed,
so keep an eye out. There's a very exciting interview
that will be dropping soon, and there will also be
(44:56):
other things dropping when you are least expecting to hear
from us.
Speaker 3 (45:01):
You can also leave a review.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
It really helps people to find us and to listen
to these conversations. You can share the show with a
friend and and we'll see you next season. The executive
producer of that Are You Happy? His name A Brown.
The producer is Charlie Blackman. Audio by Tom Lyon. And
I'm your host Chleas Stevens and I've loved hanging out
with you for the last several weeks. We'll chat to
(45:25):
you again soon.
Speaker 3 (45:26):
Thanks.
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