Beyond The High Road of Parental Alienation

This is a recording from the Facebook Live on Friday when we had a little story time! I thought y'all would benefit from it too. In the episode, I share a memory from a dark period of time for me (Mother's Day 2017), and then tie it together with this week's theme.

I hope you love it. ♥️

In episode 84 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, host Shelby Milford discusses the challenges and emotions surrounding family-oriented holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day, especially for target parents of alienation. Shelby shares personal anecdotes about the significance of these holidays and the memories associated with them, reflecting on how such times can be particularly difficult. She emphasizes the importa...

The dreaded deed of forgiveness: the original ”F” word, to an alienated parent.  

In this episode, Shelby shares insights on the pivotal role of forgiveness in healing from  the pain parental alienation.  She discusses the efficacy of family systems therapy over reunification therapy, drawing from advice received from a former attorney. The episode delves into the complexities of forgiveness, including Shelby's personal jo...

I remember the first time I heard about reunification therapy... I thought, "OMG, FINALLY! There is a reasonable action to counter to all the damage that has been done! " . I was thrilled by the notion that maybe, just maybe, my case would begin to turn around.

After a little research (and a lot of legwork), I was able to have a judge order the therapy for my daughter and me. I was sure that this would be the answer to m...

Do you feel chained to the painful memories of your custody situation? Like youre obligated to tell and re-tell the same old stories about the same old incidents in order to make sense of WHY this has all happened?  

Even if you made a deciosjojn to drop it and move on, do you find yourself feeling blocked or stuck as a result of the power your ex holds over your life? 

I did.  I was TERRIFIED of becoming a “has-been” parent.  So, ...

Do You Self-Erase?

I believe that the people and experiences we attract into our lives are a direct reflection of how we think & feel about ourselves on the inside… We can only connect with the same level of energy that we are putting out… you know?  

Continuing on from last week, I truly believe that.. due to our individual histories, we already learned to be comfortable with denying ourselves the right to be loved.. that bc o...

Ever notice that, when caught in the clutches of a stressful moment, how you freak out and do exactly the opposite of:

1. what you really want to do
2. what is in your best interest, and/or
3. what supports your goals and dreams?

Like, in the moment, you know what you want longterm, but you just can't seem to stop yourself from choosing the unhealthy option, even tho you know its ultimately going to harm you?  

Or maybe...

If you've been down the research rabbit hole of alienation's long-term effects on children, you're well aware of the toll it could take on their cognitive development. 

Similarly (tho your brain may have been fully developed when your children were born), parents like us also experience a dulling of our critical thinking and deductive reasoning skills; which makes it more challenging for us to see the big picture right ...

We spend our lives running, trying to circumnavigate situations that seem scary. It starts in school... we don't want to feel rejection. Hurt. We shudder at the idea of being made a fool or taken advantage of. Instead, we hide ourselves away, build up all these walls in effort to avoid emotional pain. 

Then, when the alienation begins... seemingly overnight, we feel an influx of negative emotion. And because we didn't learn...

We, as parents experiencing alienation, know isolation. We know lonely. Heck... it's right there in the two word term!

When alienation begins, it doesn't only affect your role in your child's life -- in fact, the predicament we've found ourselves in affects so many other relationships. Until recently, your children were intertwined with your entire life!

So it makes sense that you would want to isolate yoursel...

It seemed IMPOSSIBLE not to be consumed by it all.. The injustices were everywhere I turned. I was being followed, harassed, bullied, slandered, intimidated, threatened, and of course, grossly criticized of my ability of mother my child.

The network of judges, custody evaluators, crooked "family" attorneys (not all of them were/are, but..); the strictly bureaucratic nature of the court officials & processes, making i...

Guilt is an extremely common emotion during (any kind of ) grief. So if youre experiencing it, nothing has gone wrong in your healing.

AND... as alienated parents, I think we can all agree that we guilt ourselves probably far more often than necessary. Before doing this work, I had no idea why. In this episode:

1. Why guilt is a go-to for us
2. Why we feel comfortable w/ guilt, even if the blame is on us
3. How blame tricks us ...

So... I received some news last week... News that even just two short years ago would’ve had me in a tailspin.  I would’ve been so worked up, stomach on a roller coaster while working full speed to put reference to & defend the outrageous claims he was making against me.

I think it's safe to say that, when youre cradling your darling, sweet smelling, softly cooing tiny infant in your arms, you never in a million years consi...

In this episode, we'll delve into the crucial distinction between giving up and acceptance for us, as parents experiencing alienation.

Only you can decide what's right for you (and there is no "right" answer, anyway), but thru a couple personal stories, along with my own experience, this content will provide you with the clarity you've been searching for! 

1. Why so many target parents find themselves burnt...

We can learn to "get by" after alienation happens; ducking behind a shield of indifference, while experiencing an ever-present undertone of victimhood... head on a swivel, while the subconscious brain scans the environment for any sign of danger (in the form of the alienating parent)...

Is it obvious that I speak from experience on this one? 😆 

...or we can muster up the courage and make a conscious effort to take charge...

Should talk. Do you ever get tired of the pressure that comes with "should" & "shouldn't"?

"Life shouldn't be like this."

"My ex shouldn't be alienating my kid from me."

"People shouldn't be so rude."

"I should be further along than I am"

"I should look forward to my parenting time"

"I should look forward to my scheduled call with my kid...

Are you an unintentional hater? Chances are, if you've gone thru the tragic situation of alienation, you probably also had your "fair" share of heartbreaking experiences before the custody battle even began. 

It would make perfect sense if you picked up a few protective/coping mechanisms without even noticing. Here are just a couple of reasons why this might be happening:

1. If you came from any degree of narc...

Hope sounds like such a great thing. It sounds so affirmative, supportive, and well... HOPEFUL! Nearly every parent I've ever spoken with (hundreds of you) has used the word at least once during our conversations.

Here's the thing about it: It SUCKS. Stay with me here.

Think back to the last time you used it. How did it make you feel? ...On the inside, I mean. Did it make you feel motivated? In control? Did it cau...