May 1, 2024 • 28 mins
what if you released the big/daunting/ambiguous weight of expectations/ results? where might that precious energy be better resourced? and ironically, might that actually increase the likelihood or speed in which those damn results come? SHOW NOTES: 1:1 BREAKTHROUGH VISION SESSION Sacred Seeing Membership for Creatives https://www.instagram.com/biancaleamorra/ Awkward Sage Media
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Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
That's.
It's not going to happen.
What if the thing.
That you're striving for.
Is not going to happen.
Stay with me.
I was reading this book.
Talking about these writers and artists that never lived to see.
They're quote unquote success or the impact of their work or, you know, fame or whatever.
(00:26):
What have you.
And there's just something so beautiful.
That gave me so much warmth thinking about.
Someone's spending their whole life doing whatever they were doing without those gratifications What if.
Anything I create anything that I make, anything that I do is done.
(00:47):
So under the.
It sounds terrible, but under the assumption that it quote unquote, it is never going to happen.
And why does that feel so good to me? If I release the striving.
And this doesn't mean not try but it means.
(01:09):
Lighter.
It's like all the same, but later.
With.
Open palms, you know? I think, what would it look like? How would we experience our life right now? If.
We weren't looking to do something else or to eventually meet this goal.
(01:30):
Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.
It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.
(01:52):
One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.
.999You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.
(02:14):
All you have to do is see.
In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.
Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.
(02:37):
You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 34 00:02:43,644.999 --> 00:03:05,200 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 35 00:03:06,759.999 --> 00:03:08,829.999 Come exactly as you are. 36 00:03:09,119.999 --> 00:03:09,979.999 It's perfect. 37 00:03:10,689.999 --> 00:03:12,209.999 Honor your instincts. 38 00:03:12,269.999 --> 00:03:17,889.999 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.
(03:19):
Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
Let's dive in. 41 00:03:36,333.33333333 --> 00:03:40,173.33333333 Hello, and welcome to another episode of help me see. 42 00:03:42,93.33333333 --> 00:03:45,693.33333333 I come to you with a CBD seltzer in hand. 43 00:03:48,243.33333333 --> 00:03:49,863.33333333 I just tried to record. 44 00:03:50,583.33333333 --> 00:03:53,43.33333333 Outside of my deck because it's a beautiful day. 45 00:03:53,463.33333333 --> 00:04:02,583.33333333 And I thought, okay, vampire, perhaps instead of being in your pitch, black basement, You might want to be in the sun and chit chat, Chitty chat. 46 00:04:03,873.33333333 --> 00:04:07,623.33333333 But of course, inevitably there was someone mowing their lawn. 47 00:04:08,463.33333333 --> 00:04:10,923.33333333 I swear, it feels like. 48 00:04:11,163.33333333 --> 00:04:12,663.33333333 No matter what time. 49 00:04:13,23.33333333 --> 00:04:13,773.33333333 Of daylight. 50 00:04:13,833.33333333 --> 00:04:14,703.33333333 I go out there. 51 00:04:15,393.33333333 --> 00:04:23,763.33333333 Someone is doing lawn maintenance and it's makes me like, never want to live in a neighborhood again. 52 00:04:23,823.33333333 --> 00:04:25,893.33333333 So I don't have to hear anyone's lawn chores. 53 00:04:27,573.33333333 --> 00:04:29,283.33333333 I don't know why it bothers me so much. 54 00:04:29,343.33333333 --> 00:04:29,883.33333333 I don't know. 55 00:04:29,973.33333333 --> 00:04:31,143.33333333 I don't know. 56 00:04:34,203.33333333 --> 00:04:36,813.33333333 So I come to you with a thought. 57 00:04:39,513.33333333 --> 00:04:43,563.33333333 And I think to some, this thought might sound. 58 00:04:45,333.33333333 --> 00:04:46,203.33333333 Negative. 59 00:04:48,333.33333333 --> 00:04:54,33.33333333 To some, this may be deflating or, um, I don't know. 60 00:04:54,63.33333333 --> 00:04:57,663.33333333 It may kind of seem counter-intuitive to the whole. 61 00:04:58,203.33333333 --> 00:04:59,523.33333333 Manifesting and. 62 00:05:00,33.33333333 --> 00:05:01,593.33333333 Holding the vision and. 63 00:05:02,373.33333333 --> 00:05:03,273.33333333 Blah, blah, blah. 64 00:05:03,963.33333333 --> 00:05:08,853.33333333 Aim for the moon or shoot for the moon you'll land in the stars, whatever. 65 00:05:12,213.33333333 --> 00:05:14,913.33333333 But all I'm saying is when I had this thought. 66 00:05:16,323.33333333 --> 00:05:17,913.33333333 A huge wave of peace. 67 00:05:19,53.33333333 --> 00:05:20,703.33333333 Just washed over me. 68 00:05:20,763.33333333 --> 00:05:24,63.33333333 And I was like, oh, It feels kind of nice. 69 00:05:24,363.33333333 --> 00:05:24,963.33333333 So. 70 00:05:25,683.33333333 --> 00:05:27,603.33333333 Naturally, I want to share it with you. 71 00:05:28,533.33333333 --> 00:05:33,753.33333333 Um, Whatever your work is, whatever your. 72 00:05:34,863.33333333 --> 00:05:40,593.33333333 Aspirations or your goals or your, you know, your art, your. 73 00:05:40,593.33333333 --> 00:05:41,373.33333333 Whatever. 74 00:05:43,203.33333333 --> 00:05:44,313.33333333 What if. 75 00:05:49,713.33333333 --> 00:05:50,883.33333333 I don't know why I'm laughing. 76 00:05:51,633.33333333 --> 00:05:53,403.33333333 I guess, I think about to say it out loud. 77 00:05:53,403.33333333 --> 00:05:57,933.33333333 It does sound pretty terrible, but it, I think it's great. 78 00:06:00,933.33333333 --> 00:06:01,263.33333333 Okay. 79 00:06:02,733.33333333 --> 00:06:11,283.33333333 What might happen? If you created this hypothetical situation in your mind right now, where you. 80 00:06:12,63.33333333 --> 00:06:12,903.33333333 Told yourself. 81 00:06:14,853.33333333 --> 00:06:15,573.33333333 That's. 82 00:06:16,293.33333333 --> 00:06:17,883.33333333 It's not going to happen. 83 00:06:18,63.33333333 --> 00:06:18,393.33333333 Like. 84 00:06:18,913.33333333 --> 00:06:20,413.33333333 What if the thing. 85 00:06:21,973.33333333 --> 00:06:24,193.33333333 That you're striving for. 86 00:06:27,253.33333333 --> 00:06:31,213.33333333 What if it just dropped into your awareness, your consciousness, that. 87 00:06:32,713.33333333 --> 00:06:35,473.33333333 It is not going to happen. 88 00:06:36,443.33333333 --> 00:06:37,283.33333333 Stay with me. 89 00:06:41,663.33333333 --> 00:06:43,643.33333333 I was reading this book. 90 00:06:44,963.33333333 --> 00:06:50,153.33333333 And they were talking about like these writers and artists that never lived to see. 91 00:06:50,993.33333333 --> 00:06:57,113.33333333 They're quote unquote success or the impact of their work or, you know, fame or whatever. 92 00:06:57,113.33333333 --> 00:06:57,803.33333333 What have you. 93 00:06:57,803.33333333 --> 00:07:01,193.33333333 And there's just something so beautiful. 94 00:07:03,563.33333333 --> 00:07:07,343.33333333 That gave me so much warmth thinking about. 95 00:07:08,243.33333333 --> 00:07:19,93.33333333 Someone's spending their whole life doing whatever they were doing without those gratifications without those, Approvals or validations and continuing to do it anyway. 96 00:07:19,333.33333333 --> 00:07:19,723.33333333 Right. 97 00:07:21,523.33333333 --> 00:07:26,113.33333333 And I'd like to, I think sometimes I pride myself too much on. 98 00:07:26,593.33333333 --> 00:07:29,773.33333333 Well, I know I'm going to do what I know is right. 99 00:07:30,193.33333333 --> 00:07:37,363.33333333 For me, regardless of approval or regardless of traditional markers of success. 100 00:07:37,993.33333333 --> 00:07:38,743.33333333 And. 101 00:07:38,743.33333333 --> 00:07:41,203.33333333 I think what I've missed along the way. 102 00:07:42,823.33333333 --> 00:07:46,3.33333333 Is I have underestimated the. 103 00:07:46,873.33333333 --> 00:07:48,793.33333333 The weight of the, what F. 104 00:07:49,393.33333333 --> 00:08:05,563.33333333 Like, what if this next thing is like the thing that breaks things loose and, um, I'm able to X, Y, Z, or what if this is this going to be the thing that helps XYZ? What if. 105 00:08:06,43.33333333 --> 00:08:10,693.33333333 Anything I create anything that I make, anything that I do is done. 106 00:08:10,693.33333333 --> 00:08:12,613.33333333 So under the. 107 00:08:15,103.33333333 --> 00:08:20,263.33333333 It sounds terrible, but under the assumption that it quote unquote, it is never going to happen. 108 00:08:22,643.33333333 --> 00:08:35,93.33333333 And why does that feel so good to me? When I think about it, I think about like, What might success be for me in this, in this stage? I think. 109 00:08:36,203.33333333 --> 00:08:37,703.33333333 Truly successes. 110 00:08:37,853.33333333 --> 00:08:41,93.33333333 You know, Complete time, freedom and choice. 111 00:08:41,573.33333333 --> 00:08:43,43.33333333 To be able to do. 112 00:08:43,943.33333333 --> 00:08:45,923.33333333 Whatever I deem important. 113 00:08:47,153.33333333 --> 00:08:48,743.33333333 All the time, no matter what. 114 00:08:48,863.33333333 --> 00:08:53,993.33333333 And I do that most of the time, but with this like heavy burden of. 115 00:08:54,923.33333333 --> 00:09:00,213.33333333 You know, finance and wanting to support my family and X, Y, Z. 116 00:09:00,733.33333333 --> 00:09:04,3.33333333 And with every thing that I'm doing with every. 117 00:09:04,3.33333333 --> 00:09:05,563.33333333 Year that comes and goes. 118 00:09:06,133.33333333 --> 00:09:10,333.33333333 I think, is this going to be the year? Where it gets easier. 119 00:09:11,353.33333333 --> 00:09:14,773.33333333 Is this going to be the year? That. 120 00:09:15,823.33333333 --> 00:09:17,653.33333333 The struggle subsides. 121 00:09:19,543.33333333 --> 00:09:20,893.33333333 But what if. 122 00:09:23,503.33333333 --> 00:09:25,363.33333333 I just assumed that. 123 00:09:25,363.33333333 --> 00:09:27,253.33333333 What I ultimately want. 124 00:09:27,733.33333333 --> 00:09:31,33.33333333 We'll come at a time where it doesn't matter to me. 125 00:09:31,843.33333333 --> 00:09:38,153.33333333 And it's never going to come during the striving of it, which actually is. 126 00:09:38,723.33333333 --> 00:09:41,293.33333333 What they say about manifesting? You only. 127 00:09:41,293.33333333 --> 00:09:43,963.33333333 Get or create what you are. 128 00:09:43,993.33333333 --> 00:09:44,353.33333333 Right. 129 00:09:44,383.33333333 --> 00:09:44,683.33333333 So. 130 00:09:45,313.33333333 --> 00:09:50,53.33333333 I guess this actually is a very brilliant manifesting now that I say it that way. 131 00:09:54,223.33333333 --> 00:09:56,263.33333333 Um, I don't know. 132 00:09:56,443.33333333 --> 00:09:57,373.33333333 I don't know. 133 00:09:58,593.33333333 --> 00:09:59,763.33333333 How does that feel? Okay. 134 00:09:59,883.33333333 --> 00:10:00,153.33333333 Okay. 135 00:10:00,153.33333333 --> 00:10:01,203.33333333 Here's here's what happened. 136 00:10:01,533.33333333 --> 00:10:05,903.33333333 When I had this thought about like, okay, If all the work that that I do. 137 00:10:05,903.33333333 --> 00:10:07,433.33333333 Someone told me that. 138 00:10:07,913.33333333 --> 00:10:14,813.33333333 Only after my death, will it take off and impact? Widespread impact, blah, blah, blah, blah. 139 00:10:14,843.33333333 --> 00:10:20,183.33333333 And it'll help so many people and yada, yada, yada, all these wonderful stuff, artists. 140 00:10:20,873.33333333 --> 00:10:21,773.33333333 Might love. 141 00:10:23,573.33333333 --> 00:10:25,103.33333333 But it's not going to happen. 142 00:10:25,733.33333333 --> 00:10:27,623.33333333 In this life it's not going to happen now. 143 00:10:28,853.33333333 --> 00:10:29,783.33333333 I would think. 144 00:10:30,323.33333333 --> 00:10:33,953.33333333 Or I did think, I did think like, Huh. 145 00:10:35,693.33333333 --> 00:10:36,983.33333333 I wouldn't do anything different. 146 00:10:38,183.33333333 --> 00:10:39,173.33333333 And that. 147 00:10:39,893.33333333 --> 00:10:51,23.33333334 To me, it was like winning the lottery I was like, oh, I mean, I knew I wouldn't, I cognitively already knew that, but like, In that intense scenario in that. 148 00:10:51,833.33333333 --> 00:10:52,823.33333333 Severity. 149 00:10:52,853.33333334 --> 00:10:56,393.33333334 And I truly in my bones felt like. 150 00:10:57,443.33333334 --> 00:10:59,63.33333334 I would not be doing anything different. 151 00:10:59,123.33333334 --> 00:11:05,813.33333334 And that gives me so much comfort, so much more comfort than if. 152 00:11:06,863.33333334 --> 00:11:14,113.33333333 I made it, whatever that is or had like it mounts of, uh, extreme financial comfort. 153 00:11:16,543.33333333 --> 00:11:20,953.33333333 It gave me like comfort in my soul to know that I'm already. 154 00:11:21,433.33333333 --> 00:11:22,303.33333333 Doing. 155 00:11:23,83.33333333 --> 00:11:30,553.33333333 Life the way I want to be doing life and the opportunity to soften into an even more. 156 00:11:31,303.33333333 --> 00:11:32,953.33333333 And enjoy it more. 157 00:11:33,553.33333333 --> 00:11:34,873.33333333 Could be mine. 158 00:11:36,823.33333333 --> 00:11:39,763.33333333 If I release the striving. 159 00:11:40,303.33333334 --> 00:11:50,563.33333334 And this doesn't mean not try or to just assume truly that it's never going to happen for me or blah-blah-blah. 160 00:11:51,73.33333334 --> 00:11:52,423.33333334 But it means. 161 00:11:54,263.33333334 --> 00:11:54,863.33333334 Lighter. 162 00:11:55,313.33333334 --> 00:11:57,143.33333334 It's like all the same, but later. 163 00:11:57,923.33333334 --> 00:11:58,223.33333334 With. 164 00:11:59,213.33333334 --> 00:12:00,143.33333334 A looser. 165 00:12:01,133.33333334 --> 00:12:01,613.33333334 Grip. 166 00:12:02,33.33333334 --> 00:12:11,663.33333334 Not even a grip, just like open palms, you know? I think, what would it look like? Well, how different would your life. 167 00:12:12,653.33333334 --> 00:12:13,253.33333334 Look. 168 00:12:16,133.33333334 --> 00:12:18,773.33333334 If you weren't working towards. 169 00:12:18,803.33333334 --> 00:12:20,573.33333334 Or something. 170 00:12:24,173.33333334 --> 00:12:30,143.33333334 There's so much glorification around like, Striving to meet your goals and. 171 00:12:30,803.33333334 --> 00:12:36,173.33333334 Better yourself and, you know, give your children more than you had or boom. 172 00:12:36,203.33333334 --> 00:12:36,923.33333334 Blah, blah, blah. 173 00:12:37,403.33333334 --> 00:12:38,273.33333334 And I'm not. 174 00:12:39,563.33333334 --> 00:12:41,693.33333334 Um, dissing it or anything. 175 00:12:42,83.33333334 --> 00:12:47,453.33333334 Well, I mean, I guess maybe I am a little bit, but I think, I just think that it requires a. 176 00:12:49,823.33333334 --> 00:12:55,283.33333334 More tender I to like look at it and, and really think about. 177 00:12:59,223.33333334 --> 00:13:04,53.33333334 How would we experience our life right now? If. 178 00:13:05,193.33333334 --> 00:13:09,783.33333334 We weren't looking to do something else or to eventually meet this goal. 179 00:13:12,303.33333334 --> 00:13:16,863.33333334 What is it? Um, Steve jobs said something. 180 00:13:17,13.33333334 --> 00:13:18,183.33333334 Was it him or. 181 00:13:18,603.33333334 --> 00:13:19,113.33333334 Is it like. 182 00:13:19,683.33333334 --> 00:13:22,623.33333334 If you wake up too many days in a row. 183 00:13:23,203.33333334 --> 00:13:24,883.33333334 And what you were doing that day. 184 00:13:25,543.33333334 --> 00:13:30,33.33333334 Didn't make you excited or happy then change what you're doing in your life. 185 00:13:31,823.33333334 --> 00:13:33,773.33333334 So while I'm not sitting here saying. 186 00:13:35,783.33333334 --> 00:13:38,153.33333334 I give up on thinking that. 187 00:13:38,153.33333334 --> 00:13:42,983.33333334 I will ever go far in what I love most. 188 00:13:42,983.33333334 --> 00:13:43,313.33333334 And. 189 00:13:43,943.33333334 --> 00:13:44,843.33333334 Blah, blah, blah. 190 00:13:44,903.33333334 --> 00:13:48,473.33333334 I'm not saying that, but when I am saying is. 191 00:13:50,53.33333334 --> 00:13:50,653.33333334 Aye. 192 00:13:50,653.33333334 --> 00:13:56,173.33333334 I'm deeply grateful for and acknowledge the fact that I felt a profound sense. 193 00:13:56,683.33333334 --> 00:13:58,663.33333334 Of comfort and peace. 194 00:14:01,573.33333334 --> 00:14:03,163.33333334 In the knowing that I am. 195 00:14:03,163.33333334 --> 00:14:04,33.33333334 Doing. 196 00:14:04,33.33333334 --> 00:14:06,433.33333334 What I'm doing regardless of what comes of it. 197 00:14:08,563.33333334 --> 00:14:11,143.33333334 And I can be agile with the, how. 198 00:14:11,473.33333334 --> 00:14:12,523.33333334 I could be versatile. 199 00:14:12,523.33333334 --> 00:14:12,913.33333334 I could. 200 00:14:13,323.33333334 --> 00:14:14,493.33333334 diversify. 201 00:14:14,913.33333334 --> 00:14:15,513.33333334 I could. 202 00:14:15,663.33333334 --> 00:14:19,83.33333334 You know, flex and stretch and bend and be nimble with. 203 00:14:19,923.33333334 --> 00:14:22,23.33333334 The regular life. 204 00:14:22,653.33333334 --> 00:14:24,513.33333334 Responsibilities that I have. 205 00:14:24,813.33333334 --> 00:14:26,943.33333334 And not sacrifice. 206 00:14:27,993.33333334 --> 00:14:33,933.33333334 Myself, my soul, my heart, my beliefs, my. 207 00:14:33,933.33333334 --> 00:14:34,503.33333334 Art. 208 00:14:36,963.33333334 --> 00:14:42,13.33333334 So, what, what does that look like for you? What if. 209 00:14:43,123.33333334 --> 00:14:44,983.33333334 Let's flip it and make it even sound. 210 00:14:45,283.33333334 --> 00:14:45,943.33333334 A little. 211 00:14:46,603.33333334 --> 00:14:50,923.33333334 Sweeter, perhaps what if you clicked your fingers and you had everything you already wanted. 212 00:14:52,363.33333334 --> 00:14:54,193.33333334 Ever, like it's all there. 213 00:14:54,763.33333334 --> 00:14:56,53.33333334 But you had to continue. 214 00:14:56,413.33333334 --> 00:14:58,843.33333334 You know, doing life right. 215 00:14:59,563.33333334 --> 00:15:10,873.33333334 What, what are you doing? Are you still doing the thing you're doing now? What are you doing differently? And whatever that is, what's stopping you from doing a version of that now. 216 00:15:13,603.33333333 --> 00:15:15,313.33333333 So I'm almost done with this book. 217 00:15:16,13.33333333 --> 00:15:18,833.33333333 the book is called a, you must change your life. 218 00:15:18,883.33333333 --> 00:15:20,83.33333333 By Rachel Corbett. 219 00:15:20,143.33333333 --> 00:15:21,643.33333333 And it's the story of Roca. 220 00:15:21,883.33333333 --> 00:15:22,513.33333333 And Rodin. 221 00:15:22,743.33333333 --> 00:15:24,963.33333333 And it talks about there. 222 00:15:26,643.33333333 --> 00:15:27,873.33333333 Unlikely friendship. 223 00:15:28,533.33333333 --> 00:15:33,753.33333333 And how they were polar opposites and you know, what that looked like and how their lives played out. 224 00:15:33,753.33333333 --> 00:15:34,773.33333333 And I'm almost at the end. 225 00:15:35,43.33333333 --> 00:15:35,883.33333333 And right now. 226 00:15:36,933.33333333 --> 00:15:37,743.33333333 And. 227 00:15:37,743.33333333 --> 00:15:39,93.33333333 I have to say. 228 00:15:39,93.33333333 --> 00:15:41,103.33333333 I am uncomfortable with how. 229 00:15:43,23.33333333 --> 00:15:43,563.33333333 Deeply. 230 00:15:43,563.33333333 --> 00:15:45,933.33333333 I relate to real Coca. 231 00:15:46,983.33333333 --> 00:15:47,763.33333333 And. 232 00:15:49,353.33333333 --> 00:15:51,153.33333333 It's not flattering. 233 00:15:54,183.33333333 --> 00:15:57,633.33333333 He lived so much of his life. 234 00:15:57,663.33333333 --> 00:16:00,303.33333333 So insular, so. 235 00:16:02,883.33333333 --> 00:16:06,963.33333333 Rejecting of like the physical, real life. 236 00:16:07,683.33333333 --> 00:16:19,443.33333333 And living more in his work and in this spiritual plane of What is his writing and what his, you know, his in seeing and what. 237 00:16:22,203.33333333 --> 00:16:23,763.33333333 So much so that he. 238 00:16:24,443.33333333 --> 00:16:26,213.33333333 Largely missed out on. 239 00:16:27,23.33333333 --> 00:16:29,783.33333333 Much of life's experiences. 240 00:16:30,773.33333333 --> 00:16:32,93.33333333 And, to me. 241 00:16:32,93.33333333 --> 00:16:33,773.33333333 It's a cautionary tale. 242 00:16:35,393.33333333 --> 00:16:36,863.33333333 It makes me want to. 243 00:16:37,583.33333332 --> 00:16:45,23.3333333 Take my work less seriously, but even just saying that out loud makes my insights clench. 244 00:16:45,83.3333333 --> 00:16:46,913.3333333 I'm like, oh, But no. 245 00:16:47,903.3333333 --> 00:16:48,893.3333333 But no. 246 00:16:50,663.3333333 --> 00:16:55,643.3333333 I think what I'm getting caught up in here is. 247 00:16:58,853.3333333 --> 00:17:01,583.3333333 Is approaching it as if I have to make a choice. 248 00:17:02,213.3333333 --> 00:17:08,873.3333333 As if in order to enjoy my life more, I must take my work less seriously. 249 00:17:08,873.3333333 --> 00:17:11,273.3333333 And I just don't think that's true. 250 00:17:12,843.3333333 --> 00:17:18,843.3333333 I feel like more and more whenever I'm faced with something that I feel like is a rock and a hard place. 251 00:17:19,683.3333333 --> 00:17:21,273.3333333 I realize it's just because I'm not. 252 00:17:21,273.3333333 --> 00:17:24,543.3333333 Seeing the possibility of both existing. 253 00:17:25,453.3333333 --> 00:17:27,553.3333333 And it certainly doesn't mean it's not possible. 254 00:17:29,501.3378685 --> 00:17:33,521.3378685 So now I'm thinking about like, what are ways where I can. 255 00:17:34,901.3378685 --> 00:17:39,581.3378685 Find spaces and places to release the anticipation of a result. 256 00:17:40,361.3378685 --> 00:17:41,141.3378685 In my life. 257 00:17:41,551.3378685 --> 00:17:44,311.3378685 We're human beings and it's natural. 258 00:17:44,851.3378685 --> 00:17:45,451.3378685 Two. 259 00:17:46,861.3378685 --> 00:17:49,111.3378685 Think about what will come of something. 260 00:17:49,771.3378685 --> 00:17:50,221.3378685 But. 261 00:17:50,221.3378685 --> 00:17:52,21.3378685 From a neuropathway perspective. 262 00:17:52,861.3378685 --> 00:17:55,681.3378685 That is one slippery slope in my brain. 263 00:17:56,251.3378685 --> 00:17:56,731.3378685 Right. 264 00:17:56,881.3378685 --> 00:18:01,651.3378685 It has been paved too many times and I need to. 265 00:18:02,941.3378685 --> 00:18:10,651.3378685 Find a new habit to create a new habit where I, I see the opportunity for that left churn to get off that water slide. 266 00:18:11,461.3378685 --> 00:18:13,21.3378685 And my brain of. 267 00:18:13,921.3378685 --> 00:18:19,141.3378685 And hold your breath until you see if this quote-unquote works or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 268 00:18:20,881.3378685 --> 00:18:25,771.3378685 Oh, one of the like low hanging fruit, simplest ways that I find myself. 269 00:18:26,71.3378685 --> 00:18:35,821.3378685 Considering is deleting Instagram off my phone, not deleting my account, but just making it so that whenever I want to post, I have to download it to post. 270 00:18:36,631.3378685 --> 00:18:37,141.3378685 And. 271 00:18:38,41.3378685 --> 00:18:39,861.3378685 It's because I find that. 272 00:18:40,161.3378685 --> 00:18:41,181.3378685 Even though. 273 00:18:43,401.3378685 --> 00:18:45,981.3378685 It doesn't alter what I post. 274 00:18:46,581.3378685 --> 00:18:49,611.3378685 I'm still checking it so many times. 275 00:18:50,331.3378685 --> 00:18:51,411.3378685 And there's nothing to check. 276 00:18:51,441.3378685 --> 00:19:01,631.3378685 Like, I don't know if I'm shadow banned or what, but like, Like I, I get like, you know, 50 views on my stuff it's fine, whatever, but it is. 277 00:19:02,351.3378685 --> 00:19:02,981.3378685 Draining. 278 00:19:04,181.3378685 --> 00:19:12,671.3378685 And he's like, I'm not even posting it for that gratification and posting it because one is an extension of the creation. 279 00:19:12,671.3378685 --> 00:19:24,371.3378685 I love pairing, like, The photographs with music and, um, just seeing what comes in that moment and what I want to write about, or, or what I just feel like sharing whatever. 280 00:19:24,371.3378685 --> 00:19:24,881.3378685 But. 281 00:19:24,881.3378685 --> 00:19:26,261.3378685 It's so murky. 282 00:19:26,381.3378685 --> 00:19:27,971.3378685 It gets to a point where. 283 00:19:27,971.3378685 --> 00:19:30,731.3378685 The intent was not for a result. 284 00:19:31,241.3378685 --> 00:19:33,191.3378685 And yet, because I know that. 285 00:19:34,451.3378685 --> 00:19:35,981.3378685 A result is possible. 286 00:19:36,101.3378685 --> 00:19:37,901.3378685 Like there could be an alert. 287 00:19:37,931.3378685 --> 00:19:39,341.3378685 There could be a notification. 288 00:19:39,671.3378685 --> 00:19:41,681.3378685 And I turned off my notifications. 289 00:19:41,681.3378685 --> 00:19:45,401.3378685 So now I'm checking Instagram more, which is so fucking stupid. 290 00:19:47,471.3378685 --> 00:19:49,841.3378685 Anyone else get worse when they tried to better. 291 00:19:50,201.3378685 --> 00:19:51,651.3378685 There, Phone habits. 292 00:19:52,11.3378685 --> 00:19:55,851.3378685 Like I've done app blockers and stuff and made it really difficult. 293 00:19:55,851.3378685 --> 00:19:58,851.3378685 And I just like go through the difficulty to get through it. 294 00:19:59,391.3378685 --> 00:20:04,61.3378685 I really think that I need to restore my phone to like factory settings and let it alert me. 295 00:20:04,991.3378685 --> 00:20:06,101.3378685 Then I'll check it lists. 296 00:20:09,521.3378685 --> 00:20:10,391.3378685 Uh, Anyway. 297 00:20:12,971.3378685 --> 00:20:18,341.3378685 Has this brought up anything for you? I think that. 298 00:20:18,341.3378685 --> 00:20:20,141.3378685 When you boil it down to. 299 00:20:20,141.3378685 --> 00:20:22,151.3378685 Getting really clear about. 300 00:20:22,151.3378685 --> 00:20:25,721.3378685 The intention and the expectation around what you're doing. 301 00:20:26,111.3378685 --> 00:20:28,751.3378685 In the majority of your life. 302 00:20:29,91.3378685 --> 00:20:32,961.3378685 whether it's your work or how you're living or whatever it is. 303 00:20:35,511.3378685 --> 00:20:39,261.3378685 If you feel like you're in congruence with yourself. 304 00:20:39,891.3378685 --> 00:20:41,601.3378685 And how you're spending your time. 305 00:20:42,741.3378685 --> 00:20:46,911.3378685 It feels like everything else in life gets to be softer. 306 00:20:48,671.3378685 --> 00:20:49,271.3378685 If. 307 00:20:49,271.3378685 --> 00:20:53,471.3378685 There's too much emphasis on our result or. 308 00:20:54,491.3378685 --> 00:20:58,661.3378685 Something that you are hoping will come out of what you're creating. 309 00:20:58,991.3378685 --> 00:20:59,921.3378685 And what you're doing. 310 00:21:00,851.3378685 --> 00:21:02,921.3378685 I think that can be super. 311 00:21:03,761.3378685 --> 00:21:08,711.3378685 Restricting something V it's like a pressure cooker situation, just very tight. 312 00:21:09,131.3378685 --> 00:21:11,261.3378685 And crunchy and tense. 313 00:21:11,771.3378685 --> 00:21:23,931.3378685 And, Just overall, not helpful, right? Because at the end of the end of the end of the day, Especially as an artist of any kind. 314 00:21:24,441.3378685 --> 00:21:27,501.3378685 And we're all artists in our own, right. 315 00:21:27,561.3378685 --> 00:21:28,551.3378685 In our own way. 316 00:21:28,551.3378685 --> 00:21:29,151.3378685 The. 317 00:21:30,441.3378685 --> 00:21:31,161.3378685 Point. 318 00:21:31,881.3378685 --> 00:21:32,511.3378685 Of. 319 00:21:33,321.3378685 --> 00:21:34,821.3378685 Creating anything. 320 00:21:35,751.3378685 --> 00:21:40,791.3378685 With purity is the moment of creation, right? Like it's. 321 00:21:40,791.3378685 --> 00:21:44,31.3378685 It's about the experience, not the end product. 322 00:21:45,801.3378685 --> 00:21:46,761.3378685 If it was. 323 00:21:47,961.3378685 --> 00:21:51,351.3378685 And, you know, prioritizing an end product at all costs. 324 00:21:52,401.3378685 --> 00:21:55,881.3378685 Then you're really fucking with the sanctity of what you're doing. 325 00:21:56,871.3378685 --> 00:22:01,521.3378685 And your experience and your life and the journey of it. 326 00:22:01,521.3378685 --> 00:22:06,501.3378685 I mean, It's still, it's just exactly the way I think about. 327 00:22:07,131.3378685 --> 00:22:07,971.3378685 Pictures. 328 00:22:09,831.3378685 --> 00:22:19,961.3378685 It's like I won't push in a family session to get a shot that I have in my brain, or to get the perfect shot if the experience is going to be. 329 00:22:21,191.3378685 --> 00:22:22,121.3378685 So heavy. 330 00:22:22,121.3378685 --> 00:22:27,841.3378685 And the struggle and the tension and the, the energy of it is just getting tighter and tighter. 331 00:22:28,111.3378685 --> 00:22:35,491.3378685 Because of it, because even if you get the most beautiful shot, When that shot is printed and framed on their wall. 332 00:22:37,171.3378685 --> 00:22:44,11.3378685 You remember that you remember that feeling? I think I've shared on the podcast before, who knows a long time ago. 333 00:22:44,41.3378685 --> 00:22:47,11.3378685 My, my dad was so sweet and he. 334 00:22:47,11.3378685 --> 00:22:51,71.3378685 Surprised me with like these glass prints of some photos. 335 00:22:51,71.3378685 --> 00:22:53,681.3378685 I took self portrait, like family photo. 336 00:22:53,681.3378685 --> 00:22:55,721.3378685 They took when my second was born and it was. 337 00:22:56,351.3378685 --> 00:22:58,391.3378685 The least loving I've ever felt. 338 00:22:58,421.3378685 --> 00:23:00,491.3378685 I was like, sweating was irritated. 339 00:23:00,491.3378685 --> 00:23:01,841.3378685 It was such a pain in the ass. 340 00:23:01,841.3378685 --> 00:23:05,81.3378685 And every time I look at those photos, I think about how. 341 00:23:05,681.3378685 --> 00:23:06,401.3378685 Annoyed. 342 00:23:06,431.3378685 --> 00:23:06,521.3378685 I. 343 00:23:08,141.3378685 --> 00:23:09,611.3378685 Every time. 344 00:23:10,751.3378685 --> 00:23:11,951.3378685 it's just not worth it. 345 00:23:12,161.3378685 --> 00:23:13,751.3378685 It's just not worth it. 346 00:23:13,931.3378685 --> 00:23:22,931.3378685 I mean, how many times do you get what you want and then realize, huh? And it doesn't quite feel like I thought it would anyway. 347 00:23:22,961.3378685 --> 00:23:25,181.3378685 So let's just get ahead of it. 348 00:23:25,211.3378685 --> 00:23:28,871.3378685 Let's just bring our wise hindsight into our now. 349 00:23:29,321.3378685 --> 00:23:31,991.3378685 The same way we do with our photographic practice. 350 00:23:33,611.3378685 --> 00:23:35,141.3378685 And think what. 351 00:23:36,311.3378685 --> 00:23:46,761.3378685 Am I making the picture? Of of my life, of this goal, of this vision of whatever I'm doing, what am I trying to make the picture? And see it. 352 00:23:50,121.3378685 --> 00:23:51,201.3378685 And you can appreciate it. 353 00:23:51,201.3378685 --> 00:23:52,371.3378685 You don't have to reject it. 354 00:23:53,391.3378685 --> 00:23:54,891.3378685 But then let it go. 355 00:23:56,181.3378685 --> 00:23:58,221.3378685 Like I see that that's beautiful. 356 00:23:58,221.3378685 --> 00:23:59,841.3378685 I could see why I would want that. 357 00:24:00,681.3378685 --> 00:24:02,841.3378685 And I'm going to let it go and focus. 358 00:24:03,771.3378685 --> 00:24:07,311.3378685 On the most important thing possible, which is like right here. 359 00:24:07,311.3378685 --> 00:24:08,991.3378685 And right now in this present moment. 360 00:24:10,71.3378685 --> 00:24:17,61.3378685 And what I'm creating in this breath, because every breath you're creating, you have an opportunity to create whatever. 361 00:24:18,141.3378685 --> 00:24:19,71.3378685 Of your life. 362 00:24:20,511.3378685 --> 00:24:23,331.3378685 Of your work of your family, of yourself. 363 00:24:24,991.3378685 --> 00:24:30,271.3378685 So, how might you move differently? When you let go. 364 00:24:31,711.3378685 --> 00:24:32,701.3378685 Of whatever. 365 00:24:35,461.3378685 --> 00:24:37,141.3378685 Heavy aspirations. 366 00:24:37,141.3378685 --> 00:24:38,221.3378685 You might be carrying. 367 00:24:39,211.3378685 --> 00:24:40,81.3378685 On your shoulders. 368 00:24:42,811.3378685 --> 00:24:44,521.3378685 It makes me chuckle because. 369 00:24:45,721.3378685 --> 00:24:51,361.3378685 I know that when I'm not trying to make a good photograph. 370 00:24:51,421.3378685 --> 00:24:52,531.3378685 Quote, unquote. 371 00:24:55,141.3378685 --> 00:24:55,891.3378685 Really. 372 00:24:56,221.3378685 --> 00:24:59,971.3378685 Really important, beautiful photographs get made inevitably. 373 00:25:01,141.3378685 --> 00:25:01,621.3378685 So. 374 00:25:02,401.3378685 --> 00:25:04,381.3378685 When you're not trying. 375 00:25:05,851.3378685 --> 00:25:06,931.3378685 To reach. 376 00:25:07,801.3378685 --> 00:25:09,301.3378685 This pinnacle, this. 377 00:25:10,351.3378685 --> 00:25:13,201.3378685 Goal this outcome. 378 00:25:15,61.3378685 --> 00:25:16,771.3378685 Then your energy. 379 00:25:16,771.3378685 --> 00:25:18,721.3378685 Your love your presence. 380 00:25:19,261.3378685 --> 00:25:21,571.3378685 Your intuition, your inspiration. 381 00:25:22,381.3378685 --> 00:25:24,691.3378685 Everything can be with you. 382 00:25:25,171.3378685 --> 00:25:29,881.3378685 In the, now in the only place where it actually has power. 383 00:25:30,301.3378685 --> 00:25:30,901.3378685 Right now. 384 00:25:31,891.3378685 --> 00:25:32,431.3378685 Right now. 385 00:25:34,681.3378685 --> 00:25:36,511.3378685 So I'm going to. 386 00:25:36,511.3378685 --> 00:25:40,411.3378685 Do my best to practice, which has came out of my frigging mouth because. 387 00:25:41,681.3378685 --> 00:25:42,731.3378685 Earlier I was. 388 00:25:43,241.3378685 --> 00:25:49,361.3378685 At the park with my son and I was, I just was crawling out of my skin like, oh my gosh, I just. 389 00:25:51,731.3378685 --> 00:25:58,421.3378685 My thought around what the day was going to be versus what it was and his energy and my energy. 390 00:25:58,451.3378685 --> 00:25:58,901.3378685 And. 391 00:25:58,901.3378685 --> 00:26:04,121.3378685 You know, having those blips, those moments of like, oh, oh my God, look at him. 392 00:26:04,121.3378685 --> 00:26:05,171.3378685 And I love you so much. 393 00:26:05,171.3378685 --> 00:26:05,861.3378685 And then also. 394 00:26:06,341.3378685 --> 00:26:07,241.3378685 Oh, my God. 395 00:26:07,241.3378685 --> 00:26:08,321.3378685 Get away from me. 396 00:26:08,321.3378685 --> 00:26:10,211.3378685 You are annoying me so bad. 397 00:26:10,361.3378685 --> 00:26:10,991.3378685 Oh, my God. 398 00:26:14,321.3378685 --> 00:26:15,341.3378685 And I saw it. 399 00:26:15,371.3378685 --> 00:26:16,721.3378685 I saw, you know, when somethings. 400 00:26:16,991.3378685 --> 00:26:19,181.3378685 You know, present in your mind, you see it everywhere. 401 00:26:19,211.3378685 --> 00:26:20,501.3378685 And I was like, yeah, I am. 402 00:26:21,671.3378685 --> 00:26:25,721.3378685 I'm expecting this out of this outing. 403 00:26:26,201.3378685 --> 00:26:28,541.3378685 And that's not what's happening and it's creating. 404 00:26:29,201.3378685 --> 00:26:31,361.3378685 This friction and this frustration in me. 405 00:26:33,221.3378685 --> 00:26:34,121.3378685 And that's okay. 406 00:26:34,241.3378685 --> 00:26:43,571.3378685 And can I let it go? And can I let it go? I didn't really let it go. 407 00:26:43,601.3378685 --> 00:26:49,91.3378685 I mean, kind of a little bit, but ultimately I am the mother and I did get in the car and we left. 408 00:26:57,581.3378685 --> 00:26:57,971.3378685 Okay. 409 00:26:58,841.3378685 --> 00:27:06,371.3378685 That is what I have for you today, because that has been swirling around my brain for. 410 00:27:07,451.3378685 --> 00:27:08,501.3378685 The last few. 411 00:27:09,191.3378685 --> 00:27:09,731.3378685 Days. 412 00:27:10,391.3378685 --> 00:27:13,691.3378685 I mean, actually the last couple of weeks, pretty strong and hard. 413 00:27:13,691.3378685 --> 00:27:14,111.3378685 So. 414 00:27:15,341.3378685 --> 00:27:17,51.3378685 I wanted to bring that to you. 415 00:27:17,171.3378685 --> 00:27:19,721.3378685 Um, as always, if you. 416 00:27:19,721.3378685 --> 00:27:24,581.3378685 If you feel inspired to share this with someone that you think would enjoy it. 417 00:27:25,901.3378685 --> 00:27:31,721.3378685 Or your referral is the highest compliment and, um, I think. 418 00:27:31,991.3378685 --> 00:27:34,901.3378685 Reviews and sharing the podcast in general. 419 00:27:35,291.3378685 --> 00:27:38,231.3378685 Is the best way to help more people find it. 420 00:27:38,391.3378685 --> 00:27:40,431.3378685 So thank you for being here. 421 00:27:40,431.3378685 --> 00:27:42,201.3378685 Thank you for listening. 422 00:27:43,131.3378685 --> 00:27:46,221.3378685 And, Feel free to DM me any ahas. 423 00:27:46,971.3378685 --> 00:27:50,871.3378685 You might have uncovered during this episode, I would love to hear. 424 00:27:52,491.3378685 --> 00:27:53,241.3378685 I'll catch you next time. 425 00:27:55,331.3378685 --> 00:27:58,551.3378685 This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
That's.
It's not going to happen.
What if the thing.
That you're striving for.
Is not going to happen.
Stay with me.
I was reading this book.
Talking about these writers and artists that never lived to see.
They're quote unquote success or the impact of their work or, you know, fame or whatever.
(00:26):
What have you.
And there's just something so beautiful.
That gave me so much warmth thinking about.
Someone's spending their whole life doing whatever they were doing without those gratifications What if.
Anything I create anything that I make, anything that I do is done.
(00:47):
So under the.
It sounds terrible, but under the assumption that it quote unquote, it is never going to happen.
And why does that feel so good to me? If I release the striving.
And this doesn't mean not try but it means.
(01:09):
Lighter.
It's like all the same, but later.
With.
Open palms, you know? I think, what would it look like? How would we experience our life right now? If.
We weren't looking to do something else or to eventually meet this goal.
(01:30):
Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.
It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.
(01:52):
One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.
.999You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.
(02:14):
All you have to do is see.
In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.
Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.
(02:37):
You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 34 00:02:43,644.999 --> 00:03:05,200 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 35 00:03:06,759.999 --> 00:03:08,829.999 Come exactly as you are. 36 00:03:09,119.999 --> 00:03:09,979.999 It's perfect. 37 00:03:10,689.999 --> 00:03:12,209.999 Honor your instincts. 38 00:03:12,269.999 --> 00:03:17,889.999 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.
(03:19):
Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
Let's dive in. 41 00:03:36,333.33333333 --> 00:03:40,173.33333333 Hello, and welcome to another episode of help me see. 42 00:03:42,93.33333333 --> 00:03:45,693.33333333 I come to you with a CBD seltzer in hand. 43 00:03:48,243.33333333 --> 00:03:49,863.33333333 I just tried to record. 44 00:03:50,583.33333333 --> 00:03:53,43.33333333 Outside of my deck because it's a beautiful day. 45 00:03:53,463.33333333 --> 00:04:02,583.33333333 And I thought, okay, vampire, perhaps instead of being in your pitch, black basement, You might want to be in the sun and chit chat, Chitty chat. 46 00:04:03,873.33333333 --> 00:04:07,623.33333333 But of course, inevitably there was someone mowing their lawn. 47 00:04:08,463.33333333 --> 00:04:10,923.33333333 I swear, it feels like. 48 00:04:11,163.33333333 --> 00:04:12,663.33333333 No matter what time. 49 00:04:13,23.33333333 --> 00:04:13,773.33333333 Of daylight. 50 00:04:13,833.33333333 --> 00:04:14,703.33333333 I go out there. 51 00:04:15,393.33333333 --> 00:04:23,763.33333333 Someone is doing lawn maintenance and it's makes me like, never want to live in a neighborhood again. 52 00:04:23,823.33333333 --> 00:04:25,893.33333333 So I don't have to hear anyone's lawn chores. 53 00:04:27,573.33333333 --> 00:04:29,283.33333333 I don't know why it bothers me so much. 54 00:04:29,343.33333333 --> 00:04:29,883.33333333 I don't know. 55 00:04:29,973.33333333 --> 00:04:31,143.33333333 I don't know. 56 00:04:34,203.33333333 --> 00:04:36,813.33333333 So I come to you with a thought. 57 00:04:39,513.33333333 --> 00:04:43,563.33333333 And I think to some, this thought might sound. 58 00:04:45,333.33333333 --> 00:04:46,203.33333333 Negative. 59 00:04:48,333.33333333 --> 00:04:54,33.33333333 To some, this may be deflating or, um, I don't know. 60 00:04:54,63.33333333 --> 00:04:57,663.33333333 It may kind of seem counter-intuitive to the whole. 61 00:04:58,203.33333333 --> 00:04:59,523.33333333 Manifesting and. 62 00:05:00,33.33333333 --> 00:05:01,593.33333333 Holding the vision and. 63 00:05:02,373.33333333 --> 00:05:03,273.33333333 Blah, blah, blah. 64 00:05:03,963.33333333 --> 00:05:08,853.33333333 Aim for the moon or shoot for the moon you'll land in the stars, whatever. 65 00:05:12,213.33333333 --> 00:05:14,913.33333333 But all I'm saying is when I had this thought. 66 00:05:16,323.33333333 --> 00:05:17,913.33333333 A huge wave of peace. 67 00:05:19,53.33333333 --> 00:05:20,703.33333333 Just washed over me. 68 00:05:20,763.33333333 --> 00:05:24,63.33333333 And I was like, oh, It feels kind of nice. 69 00:05:24,363.33333333 --> 00:05:24,963.33333333 So. 70 00:05:25,683.33333333 --> 00:05:27,603.33333333 Naturally, I want to share it with you. 71 00:05:28,533.33333333 --> 00:05:33,753.33333333 Um, Whatever your work is, whatever your. 72 00:05:34,863.33333333 --> 00:05:40,593.33333333 Aspirations or your goals or your, you know, your art, your. 73 00:05:40,593.33333333 --> 00:05:41,373.33333333 Whatever. 74 00:05:43,203.33333333 --> 00:05:44,313.33333333 What if. 75 00:05:49,713.33333333 --> 00:05:50,883.33333333 I don't know why I'm laughing. 76 00:05:51,633.33333333 --> 00:05:53,403.33333333 I guess, I think about to say it out loud. 77 00:05:53,403.33333333 --> 00:05:57,933.33333333 It does sound pretty terrible, but it, I think it's great. 78 00:06:00,933.33333333 --> 00:06:01,263.33333333 Okay. 79 00:06:02,733.33333333 --> 00:06:11,283.33333333 What might happen? If you created this hypothetical situation in your mind right now, where you. 80 00:06:12,63.33333333 --> 00:06:12,903.33333333 Told yourself. 81 00:06:14,853.33333333 --> 00:06:15,573.33333333 That's. 82 00:06:16,293.33333333 --> 00:06:17,883.33333333 It's not going to happen. 83 00:06:18,63.33333333 --> 00:06:18,393.33333333 Like. 84 00:06:18,913.33333333 --> 00:06:20,413.33333333 What if the thing. 85 00:06:21,973.33333333 --> 00:06:24,193.33333333 That you're striving for. 86 00:06:27,253.33333333 --> 00:06:31,213.33333333 What if it just dropped into your awareness, your consciousness, that. 87 00:06:32,713.33333333 --> 00:06:35,473.33333333 It is not going to happen. 88 00:06:36,443.33333333 --> 00:06:37,283.33333333 Stay with me. 89 00:06:41,663.33333333 --> 00:06:43,643.33333333 I was reading this book. 90 00:06:44,963.33333333 --> 00:06:50,153.33333333 And they were talking about like these writers and artists that never lived to see. 91 00:06:50,993.33333333 --> 00:06:57,113.33333333 They're quote unquote success or the impact of their work or, you know, fame or whatever. 92 00:06:57,113.33333333 --> 00:06:57,803.33333333 What have you. 93 00:06:57,803.33333333 --> 00:07:01,193.33333333 And there's just something so beautiful. 94 00:07:03,563.33333333 --> 00:07:07,343.33333333 That gave me so much warmth thinking about. 95 00:07:08,243.33333333 --> 00:07:19,93.33333333 Someone's spending their whole life doing whatever they were doing without those gratifications without those, Approvals or validations and continuing to do it anyway. 96 00:07:19,333.33333333 --> 00:07:19,723.33333333 Right. 97 00:07:21,523.33333333 --> 00:07:26,113.33333333 And I'd like to, I think sometimes I pride myself too much on. 98 00:07:26,593.33333333 --> 00:07:29,773.33333333 Well, I know I'm going to do what I know is right. 99 00:07:30,193.33333333 --> 00:07:37,363.33333333 For me, regardless of approval or regardless of traditional markers of success. 100 00:07:37,993.33333333 --> 00:07:38,743.33333333 And. 101 00:07:38,743.33333333 --> 00:07:41,203.33333333 I think what I've missed along the way. 102 00:07:42,823.33333333 --> 00:07:46,3.33333333 Is I have underestimated the. 103 00:07:46,873.33333333 --> 00:07:48,793.33333333 The weight of the, what F. 104 00:07:49,393.33333333 --> 00:08:05,563.33333333 Like, what if this next thing is like the thing that breaks things loose and, um, I'm able to X, Y, Z, or what if this is this going to be the thing that helps XYZ? What if. 105 00:08:06,43.33333333 --> 00:08:10,693.33333333 Anything I create anything that I make, anything that I do is done. 106 00:08:10,693.33333333 --> 00:08:12,613.33333333 So under the. 107 00:08:15,103.33333333 --> 00:08:20,263.33333333 It sounds terrible, but under the assumption that it quote unquote, it is never going to happen. 108 00:08:22,643.33333333 --> 00:08:35,93.33333333 And why does that feel so good to me? When I think about it, I think about like, What might success be for me in this, in this stage? I think. 109 00:08:36,203.33333333 --> 00:08:37,703.33333333 Truly successes. 110 00:08:37,853.33333333 --> 00:08:41,93.33333333 You know, Complete time, freedom and choice. 111 00:08:41,573.33333333 --> 00:08:43,43.33333333 To be able to do. 112 00:08:43,943.33333333 --> 00:08:45,923.33333333 Whatever I deem important. 113 00:08:47,153.33333333 --> 00:08:48,743.33333333 All the time, no matter what. 114 00:08:48,863.33333333 --> 00:08:53,993.33333333 And I do that most of the time, but with this like heavy burden of. 115 00:08:54,923.33333333 --> 00:09:00,213.33333333 You know, finance and wanting to support my family and X, Y, Z. 116 00:09:00,733.33333333 --> 00:09:04,3.33333333 And with every thing that I'm doing with every. 117 00:09:04,3.33333333 --> 00:09:05,563.33333333 Year that comes and goes. 118 00:09:06,133.33333333 --> 00:09:10,333.33333333 I think, is this going to be the year? Where it gets easier. 119 00:09:11,353.33333333 --> 00:09:14,773.33333333 Is this going to be the year? That. 120 00:09:15,823.33333333 --> 00:09:17,653.33333333 The struggle subsides. 121 00:09:19,543.33333333 --> 00:09:20,893.33333333 But what if. 122 00:09:23,503.33333333 --> 00:09:25,363.33333333 I just assumed that. 123 00:09:25,363.33333333 --> 00:09:27,253.33333333 What I ultimately want. 124 00:09:27,733.33333333 --> 00:09:31,33.33333333 We'll come at a time where it doesn't matter to me. 125 00:09:31,843.33333333 --> 00:09:38,153.33333333 And it's never going to come during the striving of it, which actually is. 126 00:09:38,723.33333333 --> 00:09:41,293.33333333 What they say about manifesting? You only. 127 00:09:41,293.33333333 --> 00:09:43,963.33333333 Get or create what you are. 128 00:09:43,993.33333333 --> 00:09:44,353.33333333 Right. 129 00:09:44,383.33333333 --> 00:09:44,683.33333333 So. 130 00:09:45,313.33333333 --> 00:09:50,53.33333333 I guess this actually is a very brilliant manifesting now that I say it that way. 131 00:09:54,223.33333333 --> 00:09:56,263.33333333 Um, I don't know. 132 00:09:56,443.33333333 --> 00:09:57,373.33333333 I don't know. 133 00:09:58,593.33333333 --> 00:09:59,763.33333333 How does that feel? Okay. 134 00:09:59,883.33333333 --> 00:10:00,153.33333333 Okay. 135 00:10:00,153.33333333 --> 00:10:01,203.33333333 Here's here's what happened. 136 00:10:01,533.33333333 --> 00:10:05,903.33333333 When I had this thought about like, okay, If all the work that that I do. 137 00:10:05,903.33333333 --> 00:10:07,433.33333333 Someone told me that. 138 00:10:07,913.33333333 --> 00:10:14,813.33333333 Only after my death, will it take off and impact? Widespread impact, blah, blah, blah, blah. 139 00:10:14,843.33333333 --> 00:10:20,183.33333333 And it'll help so many people and yada, yada, yada, all these wonderful stuff, artists. 140 00:10:20,873.33333333 --> 00:10:21,773.33333333 Might love. 141 00:10:23,573.33333333 --> 00:10:25,103.33333333 But it's not going to happen. 142 00:10:25,733.33333333 --> 00:10:27,623.33333333 In this life it's not going to happen now. 143 00:10:28,853.33333333 --> 00:10:29,783.33333333 I would think. 144 00:10:30,323.33333333 --> 00:10:33,953.33333333 Or I did think, I did think like, Huh. 145 00:10:35,693.33333333 --> 00:10:36,983.33333333 I wouldn't do anything different. 146 00:10:38,183.33333333 --> 00:10:39,173.33333333 And that. 147 00:10:39,893.33333333 --> 00:10:51,23.33333334 To me, it was like winning the lottery I was like, oh, I mean, I knew I wouldn't, I cognitively already knew that, but like, In that intense scenario in that. 148 00:10:51,833.33333333 --> 00:10:52,823.33333333 Severity. 149 00:10:52,853.33333334 --> 00:10:56,393.33333334 And I truly in my bones felt like. 150 00:10:57,443.33333334 --> 00:10:59,63.33333334 I would not be doing anything different. 151 00:10:59,123.33333334 --> 00:11:05,813.33333334 And that gives me so much comfort, so much more comfort than if. 152 00:11:06,863.33333334 --> 00:11:14,113.33333333 I made it, whatever that is or had like it mounts of, uh, extreme financial comfort. 153 00:11:16,543.33333333 --> 00:11:20,953.33333333 It gave me like comfort in my soul to know that I'm already. 154 00:11:21,433.33333333 --> 00:11:22,303.33333333 Doing. 155 00:11:23,83.33333333 --> 00:11:30,553.33333333 Life the way I want to be doing life and the opportunity to soften into an even more. 156 00:11:31,303.33333333 --> 00:11:32,953.33333333 And enjoy it more. 157 00:11:33,553.33333333 --> 00:11:34,873.33333333 Could be mine. 158 00:11:36,823.33333333 --> 00:11:39,763.33333333 If I release the striving. 159 00:11:40,303.33333334 --> 00:11:50,563.33333334 And this doesn't mean not try or to just assume truly that it's never going to happen for me or blah-blah-blah. 160 00:11:51,73.33333334 --> 00:11:52,423.33333334 But it means. 161 00:11:54,263.33333334 --> 00:11:54,863.33333334 Lighter. 162 00:11:55,313.33333334 --> 00:11:57,143.33333334 It's like all the same, but later. 163 00:11:57,923.33333334 --> 00:11:58,223.33333334 With. 164 00:11:59,213.33333334 --> 00:12:00,143.33333334 A looser. 165 00:12:01,133.33333334 --> 00:12:01,613.33333334 Grip. 166 00:12:02,33.33333334 --> 00:12:11,663.33333334 Not even a grip, just like open palms, you know? I think, what would it look like? Well, how different would your life. 167 00:12:12,653.33333334 --> 00:12:13,253.33333334 Look. 168 00:12:16,133.33333334 --> 00:12:18,773.33333334 If you weren't working towards. 169 00:12:18,803.33333334 --> 00:12:20,573.33333334 Or something. 170 00:12:24,173.33333334 --> 00:12:30,143.33333334 There's so much glorification around like, Striving to meet your goals and. 171 00:12:30,803.33333334 --> 00:12:36,173.33333334 Better yourself and, you know, give your children more than you had or boom. 172 00:12:36,203.33333334 --> 00:12:36,923.33333334 Blah, blah, blah. 173 00:12:37,403.33333334 --> 00:12:38,273.33333334 And I'm not. 174 00:12:39,563.33333334 --> 00:12:41,693.33333334 Um, dissing it or anything. 175 00:12:42,83.33333334 --> 00:12:47,453.33333334 Well, I mean, I guess maybe I am a little bit, but I think, I just think that it requires a. 176 00:12:49,823.33333334 --> 00:12:55,283.33333334 More tender I to like look at it and, and really think about. 177 00:12:59,223.33333334 --> 00:13:04,53.33333334 How would we experience our life right now? If. 178 00:13:05,193.33333334 --> 00:13:09,783.33333334 We weren't looking to do something else or to eventually meet this goal. 179 00:13:12,303.33333334 --> 00:13:16,863.33333334 What is it? Um, Steve jobs said something. 180 00:13:17,13.33333334 --> 00:13:18,183.33333334 Was it him or. 181 00:13:18,603.33333334 --> 00:13:19,113.33333334 Is it like. 182 00:13:19,683.33333334 --> 00:13:22,623.33333334 If you wake up too many days in a row. 183 00:13:23,203.33333334 --> 00:13:24,883.33333334 And what you were doing that day. 184 00:13:25,543.33333334 --> 00:13:30,33.33333334 Didn't make you excited or happy then change what you're doing in your life. 185 00:13:31,823.33333334 --> 00:13:33,773.33333334 So while I'm not sitting here saying. 186 00:13:35,783.33333334 --> 00:13:38,153.33333334 I give up on thinking that. 187 00:13:38,153.33333334 --> 00:13:42,983.33333334 I will ever go far in what I love most. 188 00:13:42,983.33333334 --> 00:13:43,313.33333334 And. 189 00:13:43,943.33333334 --> 00:13:44,843.33333334 Blah, blah, blah. 190 00:13:44,903.33333334 --> 00:13:48,473.33333334 I'm not saying that, but when I am saying is. 191 00:13:50,53.33333334 --> 00:13:50,653.33333334 Aye. 192 00:13:50,653.33333334 --> 00:13:56,173.33333334 I'm deeply grateful for and acknowledge the fact that I felt a profound sense. 193 00:13:56,683.33333334 --> 00:13:58,663.33333334 Of comfort and peace. 194 00:14:01,573.33333334 --> 00:14:03,163.33333334 In the knowing that I am. 195 00:14:03,163.33333334 --> 00:14:04,33.33333334 Doing. 196 00:14:04,33.33333334 --> 00:14:06,433.33333334 What I'm doing regardless of what comes of it. 197 00:14:08,563.33333334 --> 00:14:11,143.33333334 And I can be agile with the, how. 198 00:14:11,473.33333334 --> 00:14:12,523.33333334 I could be versatile. 199 00:14:12,523.33333334 --> 00:14:12,913.33333334 I could. 200 00:14:13,323.33333334 --> 00:14:14,493.33333334 diversify. 201 00:14:14,913.33333334 --> 00:14:15,513.33333334 I could. 202 00:14:15,663.33333334 --> 00:14:19,83.33333334 You know, flex and stretch and bend and be nimble with. 203 00:14:19,923.33333334 --> 00:14:22,23.33333334 The regular life. 204 00:14:22,653.33333334 --> 00:14:24,513.33333334 Responsibilities that I have. 205 00:14:24,813.33333334 --> 00:14:26,943.33333334 And not sacrifice. 206 00:14:27,993.33333334 --> 00:14:33,933.33333334 Myself, my soul, my heart, my beliefs, my. 207 00:14:33,933.33333334 --> 00:14:34,503.33333334 Art. 208 00:14:36,963.33333334 --> 00:14:42,13.33333334 So, what, what does that look like for you? What if. 209 00:14:43,123.33333334 --> 00:14:44,983.33333334 Let's flip it and make it even sound. 210 00:14:45,283.33333334 --> 00:14:45,943.33333334 A little. 211 00:14:46,603.33333334 --> 00:14:50,923.33333334 Sweeter, perhaps what if you clicked your fingers and you had everything you already wanted. 212 00:14:52,363.33333334 --> 00:14:54,193.33333334 Ever, like it's all there. 213 00:14:54,763.33333334 --> 00:14:56,53.33333334 But you had to continue. 214 00:14:56,413.33333334 --> 00:14:58,843.33333334 You know, doing life right. 215 00:14:59,563.33333334 --> 00:15:10,873.33333334 What, what are you doing? Are you still doing the thing you're doing now? What are you doing differently? And whatever that is, what's stopping you from doing a version of that now. 216 00:15:13,603.33333333 --> 00:15:15,313.33333333 So I'm almost done with this book. 217 00:15:16,13.33333333 --> 00:15:18,833.33333333 the book is called a, you must change your life. 218 00:15:18,883.33333333 --> 00:15:20,83.33333333 By Rachel Corbett. 219 00:15:20,143.33333333 --> 00:15:21,643.33333333 And it's the story of Roca. 220 00:15:21,883.33333333 --> 00:15:22,513.33333333 And Rodin. 221 00:15:22,743.33333333 --> 00:15:24,963.33333333 And it talks about there. 222 00:15:26,643.33333333 --> 00:15:27,873.33333333 Unlikely friendship. 223 00:15:28,533.33333333 --> 00:15:33,753.33333333 And how they were polar opposites and you know, what that looked like and how their lives played out. 224 00:15:33,753.33333333 --> 00:15:34,773.33333333 And I'm almost at the end. 225 00:15:35,43.33333333 --> 00:15:35,883.33333333 And right now. 226 00:15:36,933.33333333 --> 00:15:37,743.33333333 And. 227 00:15:37,743.33333333 --> 00:15:39,93.33333333 I have to say. 228 00:15:39,93.33333333 --> 00:15:41,103.33333333 I am uncomfortable with how. 229 00:15:43,23.33333333 --> 00:15:43,563.33333333 Deeply. 230 00:15:43,563.33333333 --> 00:15:45,933.33333333 I relate to real Coca. 231 00:15:46,983.33333333 --> 00:15:47,763.33333333 And. 232 00:15:49,353.33333333 --> 00:15:51,153.33333333 It's not flattering. 233 00:15:54,183.33333333 --> 00:15:57,633.33333333 He lived so much of his life. 234 00:15:57,663.33333333 --> 00:16:00,303.33333333 So insular, so. 235 00:16:02,883.33333333 --> 00:16:06,963.33333333 Rejecting of like the physical, real life. 236 00:16:07,683.33333333 --> 00:16:19,443.33333333 And living more in his work and in this spiritual plane of What is his writing and what his, you know, his in seeing and what. 237 00:16:22,203.33333333 --> 00:16:23,763.33333333 So much so that he. 238 00:16:24,443.33333333 --> 00:16:26,213.33333333 Largely missed out on. 239 00:16:27,23.33333333 --> 00:16:29,783.33333333 Much of life's experiences. 240 00:16:30,773.33333333 --> 00:16:32,93.33333333 And, to me. 241 00:16:32,93.33333333 --> 00:16:33,773.33333333 It's a cautionary tale. 242 00:16:35,393.33333333 --> 00:16:36,863.33333333 It makes me want to. 243 00:16:37,583.33333332 --> 00:16:45,23.3333333 Take my work less seriously, but even just saying that out loud makes my insights clench. 244 00:16:45,83.3333333 --> 00:16:46,913.3333333 I'm like, oh, But no. 245 00:16:47,903.3333333 --> 00:16:48,893.3333333 But no. 246 00:16:50,663.3333333 --> 00:16:55,643.3333333 I think what I'm getting caught up in here is. 247 00:16:58,853.3333333 --> 00:17:01,583.3333333 Is approaching it as if I have to make a choice. 248 00:17:02,213.3333333 --> 00:17:08,873.3333333 As if in order to enjoy my life more, I must take my work less seriously. 249 00:17:08,873.3333333 --> 00:17:11,273.3333333 And I just don't think that's true. 250 00:17:12,843.3333333 --> 00:17:18,843.3333333 I feel like more and more whenever I'm faced with something that I feel like is a rock and a hard place. 251 00:17:19,683.3333333 --> 00:17:21,273.3333333 I realize it's just because I'm not. 252 00:17:21,273.3333333 --> 00:17:24,543.3333333 Seeing the possibility of both existing. 253 00:17:25,453.3333333 --> 00:17:27,553.3333333 And it certainly doesn't mean it's not possible. 254 00:17:29,501.3378685 --> 00:17:33,521.3378685 So now I'm thinking about like, what are ways where I can. 255 00:17:34,901.3378685 --> 00:17:39,581.3378685 Find spaces and places to release the anticipation of a result. 256 00:17:40,361.3378685 --> 00:17:41,141.3378685 In my life. 257 00:17:41,551.3378685 --> 00:17:44,311.3378685 We're human beings and it's natural. 258 00:17:44,851.3378685 --> 00:17:45,451.3378685 Two. 259 00:17:46,861.3378685 --> 00:17:49,111.3378685 Think about what will come of something. 260 00:17:49,771.3378685 --> 00:17:50,221.3378685 But. 261 00:17:50,221.3378685 --> 00:17:52,21.3378685 From a neuropathway perspective. 262 00:17:52,861.3378685 --> 00:17:55,681.3378685 That is one slippery slope in my brain. 263 00:17:56,251.3378685 --> 00:17:56,731.3378685 Right. 264 00:17:56,881.3378685 --> 00:18:01,651.3378685 It has been paved too many times and I need to. 265 00:18:02,941.3378685 --> 00:18:10,651.3378685 Find a new habit to create a new habit where I, I see the opportunity for that left churn to get off that water slide. 266 00:18:11,461.3378685 --> 00:18:13,21.3378685 And my brain of. 267 00:18:13,921.3378685 --> 00:18:19,141.3378685 And hold your breath until you see if this quote-unquote works or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 268 00:18:20,881.3378685 --> 00:18:25,771.3378685 Oh, one of the like low hanging fruit, simplest ways that I find myself. 269 00:18:26,71.3378685 --> 00:18:35,821.3378685 Considering is deleting Instagram off my phone, not deleting my account, but just making it so that whenever I want to post, I have to download it to post. 270 00:18:36,631.3378685 --> 00:18:37,141.3378685 And. 271 00:18:38,41.3378685 --> 00:18:39,861.3378685 It's because I find that. 272 00:18:40,161.3378685 --> 00:18:41,181.3378685 Even though. 273 00:18:43,401.3378685 --> 00:18:45,981.3378685 It doesn't alter what I post. 274 00:18:46,581.3378685 --> 00:18:49,611.3378685 I'm still checking it so many times. 275 00:18:50,331.3378685 --> 00:18:51,411.3378685 And there's nothing to check. 276 00:18:51,441.3378685 --> 00:19:01,631.3378685 Like, I don't know if I'm shadow banned or what, but like, Like I, I get like, you know, 50 views on my stuff it's fine, whatever, but it is. 277 00:19:02,351.3378685 --> 00:19:02,981.3378685 Draining. 278 00:19:04,181.3378685 --> 00:19:12,671.3378685 And he's like, I'm not even posting it for that gratification and posting it because one is an extension of the creation. 279 00:19:12,671.3378685 --> 00:19:24,371.3378685 I love pairing, like, The photographs with music and, um, just seeing what comes in that moment and what I want to write about, or, or what I just feel like sharing whatever. 280 00:19:24,371.3378685 --> 00:19:24,881.3378685 But. 281 00:19:24,881.3378685 --> 00:19:26,261.3378685 It's so murky. 282 00:19:26,381.3378685 --> 00:19:27,971.3378685 It gets to a point where. 283 00:19:27,971.3378685 --> 00:19:30,731.3378685 The intent was not for a result. 284 00:19:31,241.3378685 --> 00:19:33,191.3378685 And yet, because I know that. 285 00:19:34,451.3378685 --> 00:19:35,981.3378685 A result is possible. 286 00:19:36,101.3378685 --> 00:19:37,901.3378685 Like there could be an alert. 287 00:19:37,931.3378685 --> 00:19:39,341.3378685 There could be a notification. 288 00:19:39,671.3378685 --> 00:19:41,681.3378685 And I turned off my notifications. 289 00:19:41,681.3378685 --> 00:19:45,401.3378685 So now I'm checking Instagram more, which is so fucking stupid. 290 00:19:47,471.3378685 --> 00:19:49,841.3378685 Anyone else get worse when they tried to better. 291 00:19:50,201.3378685 --> 00:19:51,651.3378685 There, Phone habits. 292 00:19:52,11.3378685 --> 00:19:55,851.3378685 Like I've done app blockers and stuff and made it really difficult. 293 00:19:55,851.3378685 --> 00:19:58,851.3378685 And I just like go through the difficulty to get through it. 294 00:19:59,391.3378685 --> 00:20:04,61.3378685 I really think that I need to restore my phone to like factory settings and let it alert me. 295 00:20:04,991.3378685 --> 00:20:06,101.3378685 Then I'll check it lists. 296 00:20:09,521.3378685 --> 00:20:10,391.3378685 Uh, Anyway. 297 00:20:12,971.3378685 --> 00:20:18,341.3378685 Has this brought up anything for you? I think that. 298 00:20:18,341.3378685 --> 00:20:20,141.3378685 When you boil it down to. 299 00:20:20,141.3378685 --> 00:20:22,151.3378685 Getting really clear about. 300 00:20:22,151.3378685 --> 00:20:25,721.3378685 The intention and the expectation around what you're doing. 301 00:20:26,111.3378685 --> 00:20:28,751.3378685 In the majority of your life. 302 00:20:29,91.3378685 --> 00:20:32,961.3378685 whether it's your work or how you're living or whatever it is. 303 00:20:35,511.3378685 --> 00:20:39,261.3378685 If you feel like you're in congruence with yourself. 304 00:20:39,891.3378685 --> 00:20:41,601.3378685 And how you're spending your time. 305 00:20:42,741.3378685 --> 00:20:46,911.3378685 It feels like everything else in life gets to be softer. 306 00:20:48,671.3378685 --> 00:20:49,271.3378685 If. 307 00:20:49,271.3378685 --> 00:20:53,471.3378685 There's too much emphasis on our result or. 308 00:20:54,491.3378685 --> 00:20:58,661.3378685 Something that you are hoping will come out of what you're creating. 309 00:20:58,991.3378685 --> 00:20:59,921.3378685 And what you're doing. 310 00:21:00,851.3378685 --> 00:21:02,921.3378685 I think that can be super. 311 00:21:03,761.3378685 --> 00:21:08,711.3378685 Restricting something V it's like a pressure cooker situation, just very tight. 312 00:21:09,131.3378685 --> 00:21:11,261.3378685 And crunchy and tense. 313 00:21:11,771.3378685 --> 00:21:23,931.3378685 And, Just overall, not helpful, right? Because at the end of the end of the end of the day, Especially as an artist of any kind. 314 00:21:24,441.3378685 --> 00:21:27,501.3378685 And we're all artists in our own, right. 315 00:21:27,561.3378685 --> 00:21:28,551.3378685 In our own way. 316 00:21:28,551.3378685 --> 00:21:29,151.3378685 The. 317 00:21:30,441.3378685 --> 00:21:31,161.3378685 Point. 318 00:21:31,881.3378685 --> 00:21:32,511.3378685 Of. 319 00:21:33,321.3378685 --> 00:21:34,821.3378685 Creating anything. 320 00:21:35,751.3378685 --> 00:21:40,791.3378685 With purity is the moment of creation, right? Like it's. 321 00:21:40,791.3378685 --> 00:21:44,31.3378685 It's about the experience, not the end product. 322 00:21:45,801.3378685 --> 00:21:46,761.3378685 If it was. 323 00:21:47,961.3378685 --> 00:21:51,351.3378685 And, you know, prioritizing an end product at all costs. 324 00:21:52,401.3378685 --> 00:21:55,881.3378685 Then you're really fucking with the sanctity of what you're doing. 325 00:21:56,871.3378685 --> 00:22:01,521.3378685 And your experience and your life and the journey of it. 326 00:22:01,521.3378685 --> 00:22:06,501.3378685 I mean, It's still, it's just exactly the way I think about. 327 00:22:07,131.3378685 --> 00:22:07,971.3378685 Pictures. 328 00:22:09,831.3378685 --> 00:22:19,961.3378685 It's like I won't push in a family session to get a shot that I have in my brain, or to get the perfect shot if the experience is going to be. 329 00:22:21,191.3378685 --> 00:22:22,121.3378685 So heavy. 330 00:22:22,121.3378685 --> 00:22:27,841.3378685 And the struggle and the tension and the, the energy of it is just getting tighter and tighter. 331 00:22:28,111.3378685 --> 00:22:35,491.3378685 Because of it, because even if you get the most beautiful shot, When that shot is printed and framed on their wall. 332 00:22:37,171.3378685 --> 00:22:44,11.3378685 You remember that you remember that feeling? I think I've shared on the podcast before, who knows a long time ago. 333 00:22:44,41.3378685 --> 00:22:47,11.3378685 My, my dad was so sweet and he. 334 00:22:47,11.3378685 --> 00:22:51,71.3378685 Surprised me with like these glass prints of some photos. 335 00:22:51,71.3378685 --> 00:22:53,681.3378685 I took self portrait, like family photo. 336 00:22:53,681.3378685 --> 00:22:55,721.3378685 They took when my second was born and it was. 337 00:22:56,351.3378685 --> 00:22:58,391.3378685 The least loving I've ever felt. 338 00:22:58,421.3378685 --> 00:23:00,491.3378685 I was like, sweating was irritated. 339 00:23:00,491.3378685 --> 00:23:01,841.3378685 It was such a pain in the ass. 340 00:23:01,841.3378685 --> 00:23:05,81.3378685 And every time I look at those photos, I think about how. 341 00:23:05,681.3378685 --> 00:23:06,401.3378685 Annoyed. 342 00:23:06,431.3378685 --> 00:23:06,521.3378685 I. 343 00:23:08,141.3378685 --> 00:23:09,611.3378685 Every time. 344 00:23:10,751.3378685 --> 00:23:11,951.3378685 it's just not worth it. 345 00:23:12,161.3378685 --> 00:23:13,751.3378685 It's just not worth it. 346 00:23:13,931.3378685 --> 00:23:22,931.3378685 I mean, how many times do you get what you want and then realize, huh? And it doesn't quite feel like I thought it would anyway. 347 00:23:22,961.3378685 --> 00:23:25,181.3378685 So let's just get ahead of it. 348 00:23:25,211.3378685 --> 00:23:28,871.3378685 Let's just bring our wise hindsight into our now. 349 00:23:29,321.3378685 --> 00:23:31,991.3378685 The same way we do with our photographic practice. 350 00:23:33,611.3378685 --> 00:23:35,141.3378685 And think what. 351 00:23:36,311.3378685 --> 00:23:46,761.3378685 Am I making the picture? Of of my life, of this goal, of this vision of whatever I'm doing, what am I trying to make the picture? And see it. 352 00:23:50,121.3378685 --> 00:23:51,201.3378685 And you can appreciate it. 353 00:23:51,201.3378685 --> 00:23:52,371.3378685 You don't have to reject it. 354 00:23:53,391.3378685 --> 00:23:54,891.3378685 But then let it go. 355 00:23:56,181.3378685 --> 00:23:58,221.3378685 Like I see that that's beautiful. 356 00:23:58,221.3378685 --> 00:23:59,841.3378685 I could see why I would want that. 357 00:24:00,681.3378685 --> 00:24:02,841.3378685 And I'm going to let it go and focus. 358 00:24:03,771.3378685 --> 00:24:07,311.3378685 On the most important thing possible, which is like right here. 359 00:24:07,311.3378685 --> 00:24:08,991.3378685 And right now in this present moment. 360 00:24:10,71.3378685 --> 00:24:17,61.3378685 And what I'm creating in this breath, because every breath you're creating, you have an opportunity to create whatever. 361 00:24:18,141.3378685 --> 00:24:19,71.3378685 Of your life. 362 00:24:20,511.3378685 --> 00:24:23,331.3378685 Of your work of your family, of yourself. 363 00:24:24,991.3378685 --> 00:24:30,271.3378685 So, how might you move differently? When you let go. 364 00:24:31,711.3378685 --> 00:24:32,701.3378685 Of whatever. 365 00:24:35,461.3378685 --> 00:24:37,141.3378685 Heavy aspirations. 366 00:24:37,141.3378685 --> 00:24:38,221.3378685 You might be carrying. 367 00:24:39,211.3378685 --> 00:24:40,81.3378685 On your shoulders. 368 00:24:42,811.3378685 --> 00:24:44,521.3378685 It makes me chuckle because. 369 00:24:45,721.3378685 --> 00:24:51,361.3378685 I know that when I'm not trying to make a good photograph. 370 00:24:51,421.3378685 --> 00:24:52,531.3378685 Quote, unquote. 371 00:24:55,141.3378685 --> 00:24:55,891.3378685 Really. 372 00:24:56,221.3378685 --> 00:24:59,971.3378685 Really important, beautiful photographs get made inevitably. 373 00:25:01,141.3378685 --> 00:25:01,621.3378685 So. 374 00:25:02,401.3378685 --> 00:25:04,381.3378685 When you're not trying. 375 00:25:05,851.3378685 --> 00:25:06,931.3378685 To reach. 376 00:25:07,801.3378685 --> 00:25:09,301.3378685 This pinnacle, this. 377 00:25:10,351.3378685 --> 00:25:13,201.3378685 Goal this outcome. 378 00:25:15,61.3378685 --> 00:25:16,771.3378685 Then your energy. 379 00:25:16,771.3378685 --> 00:25:18,721.3378685 Your love your presence. 380 00:25:19,261.3378685 --> 00:25:21,571.3378685 Your intuition, your inspiration. 381 00:25:22,381.3378685 --> 00:25:24,691.3378685 Everything can be with you. 382 00:25:25,171.3378685 --> 00:25:29,881.3378685 In the, now in the only place where it actually has power. 383 00:25:30,301.3378685 --> 00:25:30,901.3378685 Right now. 384 00:25:31,891.3378685 --> 00:25:32,431.3378685 Right now. 385 00:25:34,681.3378685 --> 00:25:36,511.3378685 So I'm going to. 386 00:25:36,511.3378685 --> 00:25:40,411.3378685 Do my best to practice, which has came out of my frigging mouth because. 387 00:25:41,681.3378685 --> 00:25:42,731.3378685 Earlier I was. 388 00:25:43,241.3378685 --> 00:25:49,361.3378685 At the park with my son and I was, I just was crawling out of my skin like, oh my gosh, I just. 389 00:25:51,731.3378685 --> 00:25:58,421.3378685 My thought around what the day was going to be versus what it was and his energy and my energy. 390 00:25:58,451.3378685 --> 00:25:58,901.3378685 And. 391 00:25:58,901.3378685 --> 00:26:04,121.3378685 You know, having those blips, those moments of like, oh, oh my God, look at him. 392 00:26:04,121.3378685 --> 00:26:05,171.3378685 And I love you so much. 393 00:26:05,171.3378685 --> 00:26:05,861.3378685 And then also. 394 00:26:06,341.3378685 --> 00:26:07,241.3378685 Oh, my God. 395 00:26:07,241.3378685 --> 00:26:08,321.3378685 Get away from me. 396 00:26:08,321.3378685 --> 00:26:10,211.3378685 You are annoying me so bad. 397 00:26:10,361.3378685 --> 00:26:10,991.3378685 Oh, my God. 398 00:26:14,321.3378685 --> 00:26:15,341.3378685 And I saw it. 399 00:26:15,371.3378685 --> 00:26:16,721.3378685 I saw, you know, when somethings. 400 00:26:16,991.3378685 --> 00:26:19,181.3378685 You know, present in your mind, you see it everywhere. 401 00:26:19,211.3378685 --> 00:26:20,501.3378685 And I was like, yeah, I am. 402 00:26:21,671.3378685 --> 00:26:25,721.3378685 I'm expecting this out of this outing. 403 00:26:26,201.3378685 --> 00:26:28,541.3378685 And that's not what's happening and it's creating. 404 00:26:29,201.3378685 --> 00:26:31,361.3378685 This friction and this frustration in me. 405 00:26:33,221.3378685 --> 00:26:34,121.3378685 And that's okay. 406 00:26:34,241.3378685 --> 00:26:43,571.3378685 And can I let it go? And can I let it go? I didn't really let it go. 407 00:26:43,601.3378685 --> 00:26:49,91.3378685 I mean, kind of a little bit, but ultimately I am the mother and I did get in the car and we left. 408 00:26:57,581.3378685 --> 00:26:57,971.3378685 Okay. 409 00:26:58,841.3378685 --> 00:27:06,371.3378685 That is what I have for you today, because that has been swirling around my brain for. 410 00:27:07,451.3378685 --> 00:27:08,501.3378685 The last few. 411 00:27:09,191.3378685 --> 00:27:09,731.3378685 Days. 412 00:27:10,391.3378685 --> 00:27:13,691.3378685 I mean, actually the last couple of weeks, pretty strong and hard. 413 00:27:13,691.3378685 --> 00:27:14,111.3378685 So. 414 00:27:15,341.3378685 --> 00:27:17,51.3378685 I wanted to bring that to you. 415 00:27:17,171.3378685 --> 00:27:19,721.3378685 Um, as always, if you. 416 00:27:19,721.3378685 --> 00:27:24,581.3378685 If you feel inspired to share this with someone that you think would enjoy it. 417 00:27:25,901.3378685 --> 00:27:31,721.3378685 Or your referral is the highest compliment and, um, I think. 418 00:27:31,991.3378685 --> 00:27:34,901.3378685 Reviews and sharing the podcast in general. 419 00:27:35,291.3378685 --> 00:27:38,231.3378685 Is the best way to help more people find it. 420 00:27:38,391.3378685 --> 00:27:40,431.3378685 So thank you for being here. 421 00:27:40,431.3378685 --> 00:27:42,201.3378685 Thank you for listening. 422 00:27:43,131.3378685 --> 00:27:46,221.3378685 And, Feel free to DM me any ahas. 423 00:27:46,971.3378685 --> 00:27:50,871.3378685 You might have uncovered during this episode, I would love to hear. 424 00:27:52,491.3378685 --> 00:27:53,241.3378685 I'll catch you next time. 425 00:27:55,331.3378685 --> 00:27:58,551.3378685 This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
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