February 21, 2024 • 33 mins
Kelly answers a listener voicemail about how to get over a breakup- specifically the middle part: after you have warm all your friends out talking about it, but maybe you aren’t quite over it yet. She gives 5 tips of things that have worked in her life to rebuild after a breakup and also explains the one narrative shift that has changed her entire outlook on relationships.
Socials: @velvetsedge
Email: kelly@velvetsedge.com
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. It's The Velvet's
Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson. Welcome to this month's Is
it take or toss or take what you like and
leave the rest? I can't decide, so DM me email
me what title do you guys like better for these
(00:21):
solo episodes that I'm doing, Take her toss or the
saying that I always say, which is take what you
like and leave the rest. That just feels a little
long for a title anyway. This month is February, and
if you are a regular listener of the podcast, you
know that we've been talking about love and sex and
(00:41):
just kind of what we in our society get wrong
about those topics, like what we miss, what we haven't
been taught, what we're not learning, where we can get better,
where we can grow, and where we can understand more
So some of the topics we've covered our period sex.
I'm going to be talking to some one who is
(01:01):
going to describe an attachment or insecure attachment in relationships,
and he's going to talk about the avoidant side of things.
I've had a couple of people on to already talk
about the anxious side of things. And that one actually
seems to get talked about a little bit more, I
think because more people who side or lean more anxious
(01:22):
are more quick to go get help, and so it's
maybe a topic that people are looking for more. But
there is another side of that coin, and it's the
avoidant attachment side. So I'm going to have coach Ryan
on and he is going to help us understand avoidant attachment,
how to heal from avoidant attachment. We've also just had
some really other great relationship nuggets or sex nuggets, and
(01:45):
I felt like, you really can't talk about love and
sex or relationships without talking about breakups. And that's like
the want want, Like who wants to do a podcast
about breakups? Right? Like it's not necessarily the fun side
of relationships. But I will say I have taken on
a whole new mentality about relationships and breaking up in
(02:11):
the last couple of years, and it's really really helped me.
So I got a listener voicemail kind of just asking
for some thoughts on how to get past certain points
of a breakup. You know that in between stage where
it's like it's initially just over, you have a couple
of months where you get the free past, to kind
of bitch to all your friends, to complain, to not
(02:31):
get out of bed, to eat bad food, to drink
too much wine, whatever it is that you do to cope.
And then you get to the part of life that
you're like, and wait, now what, I'm still sad. Maybe
I'm not ready to date yet, not ready to put
myself out there. But I can't talk to my friends
about this anymore. They've heard the story and there's nothing new.
(02:53):
And yeah, it seems a little lonesome if I'm still
sitting in bed all day or you know, overeating overdrinking,
like it's just not cute anymore. It's time to get
my shit together. But like, what do you do if
your emotions haven't caught up or your feelings haven't caught
up to that? So that was the question, And I'll
play the voicemailing just a second. But what I really
(03:14):
wanted to start with is kind of what has helped
me the most in just relationships in general. And then also,
like I said, in this breakup process, and I think
when I think back to my past of like dating,
let's say, back in my thirties, definitely back in my twenties.
(03:34):
But you know, I've had some really tough relationships. Like
relationships have definitely been my teachers in this lifetime, as
I think they are for most of us or many
of us, and they have come in this like really difficult, impactful,
brush your soul kind of way for me. And there
(03:56):
have been moments where I was like, I'm not going
to live through this one. Like I thought I would die.
It was so fucking painful. Definitely moments where my life
was completely torn apart from a relationship or a breakup,
the times where I couldn't get out of bed, all
of the things, and I'm just such a feeler. Again,
if you've listened to this podcast regularly, you know I
(04:17):
feel things really big and really full, and that is
great on the good days and hard on the hard days.
And so breakups used to really really cripple me. I
would say, like take me out, And they still are
really hard. I actually just recently went through one as well,
And even though that relationship ended on good terms and
(04:41):
not in the way that anything else has ended for me,
it's still really hard and it sucks and it's painful,
and there's all the bad parts of a breakup too.
But what's really changed my mentality overall is kind of
to change the way that I even look at relationships.
I talk about this a lot with Marv and in
(05:03):
my solo podcast, I seem to keep referencing astrology. So
if you haven't at all had any sort of foundation
in astrology, this still can work for you. But something
that I believe is that basically we're here in this
lifetime or in whatever lifetime, to come and grow and evolve,
(05:23):
and that's what your soul's biggest goal is. That's what
the lessons are for, is just for our own growth
and that we want to continue to evolve. So if
you're looking at life that way, relationships fall under the
same umbrella. It's like every single person that comes into
(05:43):
your life is here for a reason. Every single relationship
that you decide to enter into is here to serve
its purpose. It's here to teach you something, it's here
to push you to grow, even the hard ones, especially
the hard ones. I talked about this in the last
solo episode, But sometimes I feel like the pain is
the thing in this lifetime that loves us the most,
(06:05):
and it's obviously when you're in the pain not what
you're thinking or what you're feeling, but in the big
picture of your life, when you look back in the
moments where you had actual change, where there were the
huge moments of growth where you yourself as a human,
(06:26):
as a person, became somebody totally different and more mature
or more evolved. If you look back at those moments,
it's usually the pain that got you there. Like, I'm
not a person who's just going through life and everything's
hunky dory and I'm like, uh, let's go change things.
I think most of us are wired to go through
(06:47):
life and when things feel good, you just keep doing
the same things. So it's when the things come in
and they rock you and they break you and they
take you to your knees that you have to actually
look in the mirror and figure out what it is
you're made of. For me, those lessons have come through
other people, whether they were good people, hard people, nice people,
(07:10):
mean people, whatever, it was, the people that showed up
and brought me to my knees or helped me to
grow that were the catalysts for change in my life.
They were the characters that I needed. They were always right,
And I hate saying that in some ways, because you know,
(07:31):
there's a part of us all. I think when you
look back on your past and you can say, ugh,
fuck that person, or just still kind of looking at
them in a bitter way, or that relationship wasn't good.
But again, the things that shifted for me is knowing
or they are knowing that whatever that relationship was that
changed me was necessary. I don't think I would have
(07:52):
evolved or I would have grown without it. So once
you start looking at relationships that way, just as a foundation,
letting them go when the time is right becomes a
little bit easier. I'm not saying it takes away the
pain of the sadness of missing the person, of being
fucking pissed off and wanting to slash tires like that.
(08:13):
Stuff is all still there. But when you really look
at the relationship at the time you need to end it,
when it's run its course, when it's over, if you
can look back at it and say, well, this served me,
because it kind of changes things. So here's the voicemail.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Hi, Kelly, I just wanted to let you know that
your podcast really means a lot. I would just love
your feedback on just like processing through a breakup, and
especially when you're the one that's doing the breaking up,
and also too just like you know, when you're like
past that like initial three or four months and it
(08:53):
gets into like the six or seven months and you
have like good days and then bad days. I just
want you to know like how to process through that.
It's just instrumentally hard. And I feel like you're at
that point when like you know, you don't want to
like talk to friends necessarily because you don't want to
burden them, right, but it's also like it's really hard
to just navigate through it. And I wonder, like just
(09:15):
in your life and through relationships, like how what were
the stages that you kind of went through and how
did you process through you know, like that middle part,
you know, like that awkward like the awkward phase of
the breakup right where it's like it's not just like
it happened, but it's been a like but not like
five years yet, you know what I mean. Any thoughts
would be really helpful. I just really appreciate you. Thank
(09:38):
you so much.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
By the middle part, that's what I'm going to call this,
And yes, I know exactly what that feels like and
what I equate it to in my head is the
day where you wake up in the morning and it's
that feeling where your body is still really heavy because
you're carrying all the emotions and you're just like, that's
(09:59):
like a feeling, even if you don't have the words
to describe it. It's like you wake up every morning,
you remember what happened, and it's just like it's heavy,
and I think we've all been there and again it's
at that time where you're not quite ready maybe to
like go out on dates again or invite new things
(10:23):
into your life, but you also know, okay, like I
don't want to keep living like this, Like this just
feels ick. This is like it's got to get better.
You know. They say this too shall pass, but like
when the fuck is it gonna pass? Because I don't
want to wake up every day and have to like
really motivate motivate myself to get out of bed. I
(10:45):
just want to wake up and live my life and
be happy and joyful and free again. So here are
some tips of things that I've tried over the years
or you know, that have really actually worked for me
over the years. Here's my number one tip. If we're
stirling back, and we're looking at what each relationship like.
It was here to teach us the period of time
(11:06):
after the breakup, like when you're initially out of it,
what we talked about before, when you're kind of just
like in survival mode of I'm in so much pain.
Give me whatever it is I need. Let's go to
dinner every night with a friend, or come over and
sit on my couch and watch a comedy special with me,
whatever it is you do. That period has passed, let's say,
and you're kind of like, Okay, I gotta get my
(11:28):
shit together, but like, yeah, I really don't feel like
getting my shit together. So for me in that time,
something that helps my brain to stop thinking about my ex,
which is what my brain is equating to feeling bad,
Like my brain is thinking, God, I really miss that ex,
even though that relationship was driving me crazy and it
(11:50):
was getting really shitty and I was exhausted. I wasn't
even enjoying it anymore. When you get the three month
the four month period out, it's like all of a sudden,
you remember, oh my god, we had the best sex.
Oh my god, I remember that time. He was so
funny and he made me laugh about x Y and
z Oh. He's basically a comedian. And it's like your
(12:10):
brain goes into this fog of unrealistic reality or that
is what does that even mean? Unrealistic reality? It just
goes into something that's not real. It's not realistic and
it's not reality. It's only the good stuff. And so
to stop my brain from doing that, I have to
make it focus on something else. You know, there's always
(12:32):
like going on walks, getting moving. I find that to
be completely imperative when I'm going through a hard time.
In general, you have to get your body moving. So
even if it's like twenty minutes to go walk around
your neighborhood and actually be in the sunshine, get some
vitamin D. And so my brain does well with information.
I'm an information seeker. So if you're anything like me
(12:55):
using that skill set, I'll call it and applying to
how I can learn about myself and I can grow.
After that relationship, it really kind of starts to energize
you again, like astrology, the enneagram, human design has been
a huge one for me of just starting to understand myself.
(13:16):
And when you stand yourself more, you can, for one,
show up in relationships in a much more authentic, bigger,
better way. But also you can look back on old
relationships and go, oh, that's why that didn't work. That's
what I was looking for there, and I wasn't getting that.
But I didn't even know how to ask for it
(13:37):
because I didn't know that was in need of mine
because I didn't understand myself, and so it looked like
throwing tantrums or giving the silent treatment or whatever it
is that we do. But when you start to really
understand yourself and your motivations, that's the enneagram is great
for why we do what we do. And so many
of these modalities that I just mentioned are just about
(14:00):
understanding what your soul came here to do in this lifetime.
And once you start to kind of understand that, you
can look at relationships in the way that I described,
where it's like, oh, I needed that really toxic relationship
because I needed to find my voice. And if someone
hadn't pushed my boundaries as much as he did, I
(14:20):
would have never spoken up. I would have always just
listened to what other people told me to do. I
would have been a people pleaser for the rest of
my life. But thankfully that X made me so mad
that even though I screamed the words I was saying,
now I know what I want to say, and I
can say it in a clear adult kind way, you know,
(14:41):
like you can really start to work on the things
you didn't like about how you showed up in that
relationship because you still have the understanding of where you grew.
So I really recommend human design, astrology, enneagram, even seeing
like psychics or energy healers that you know are really
(15:01):
tapped in intuitively, any sort of kind of guidance is
really really healing to me in times like this, because
I think our brain is just looking to grip to
anything to normalize all this open space we have in
our lives. Now, once a relationship ends, it's like you
have all this empty space, and even if you were
good on your own before the relationship, you got to
(15:24):
relearn how to be on your own and how to
fill that space and how to fill that void. And
I think, because our brains always want to keep us safe,
if we're not putting new things in those spaces, it's
just going to go look at your ex and just
think I just missed that person, because they seem like
the only way out of our pain. But they're not.
(15:48):
The second thing I'll say, and this one comes with
a little bit of like a disclaimer on end, but
something for me, like I am definitely an external processor
if you can't tell this podcast, but if you're an
external processor like me, you can run things into the ground.
And yes, I totally know the place where you're like,
(16:10):
I have called this friend eight hundred times too many
at this point, and she's heard this story. There's nothing new,
there's no new developments, there's nothing new I need to
report to her. It's just that I'm still not over
it and I just want to say this again, or
my brain is like over analyzing this again, even if
I've already worked through it. So if you're finding yourself
(16:33):
doing that and you need process more, that's totally okay.
I think some of us do have to kind of
go around and round in circles to just kind of
get the clarity and understanding. And so if you are
finding yourself in that space, maybe instead of talking to
your friends, it would be valuable to go talk to
a therapist. And with this one, I would say, talk therapy.
(16:58):
And here was the disclaimer. Lately, this is just a
personal opinion, and I'm not a therapist, but what I
have been feeling overall with hearing about some people in
my life's therapy sessions or complaints about therapy sessions. This
is a topic I talk about with a lot of people,
(17:18):
and I really think there's a lot of bad therapists
out there. And it's super upsetting to me because that
field is what's the word, It's so valuable for one,
but it's almost dangerous to not be taken seriously because
people's mental health is very serious to me, and mental
(17:41):
and emotional health, and so I find it really sad
there are so many facilitators that maybe aren't really putting
in all the effort, are fully qualified, or maybe they're
not getting the resources they need to do their job
in a really productive, helpful way. But a lot of
times I've been talking to people lately about talk therapy
(18:03):
and it's just like, yeah, I just go in, I
say a couple things about what's going on in my life,
and then I leave and I'm like, well, did they
give you any feedback or like homework or help you
kind of navigate a different way to do that or what?
And when the answer is no, that is scary, Like
that is really scary. So what I always tell people
(18:24):
is to find a good talk therapist. What's worked in
my life is asking the people around me who I
know really believe in therapy and who have maybe done
it for a while or had experience with multiple therapists,
and who are seeing progress in their life from therapy. Yes,
it helps to go talk about things. Yes, itself helps
(18:45):
to process out loud, especially if you're an external processor.
But if you're still staying stuck and you're not growing
in your therapy sessions or after or during or whatever,
it may be time to move on to a different
therapist or look in the mirror and say, why am
I not growing me? I don't know, but yeah, I
(19:05):
just think it's a It's a big decision to take
seriously and not to say or it's just not to
take lightly. So if you do go meet with someone
and you're like, oh, this is terrible, I hate therapy,
maybe try another therapist first before you completely rule it out.
And if it's something that you're feeling in your body.
I know a couple of podcast episodes I've done have
(19:26):
mentioned this, but the somatic therapy has been something that
I've been introduced to in the last couple of years,
and I've done talk therapy for eleven years, I would
say at this point, and I have a lot of
head knowledge, but what I was realizing was my body
was still feeling really stuck. And so I started working
with this a somatic therapist, and she helped me to
(19:48):
release a lot of the emotions from my body physically,
and that has been the biggest game changer. It's helped
me to get back to posting on social media because
I had a lot of trauma around that. Even to
be do this right now with you guys like this
was such a scary thing for me because I felt
so vulnerable about after some of the stuff that I
went through publicly, and it really like wrecked the way
(20:13):
that I could use my voice. I couldn't and the
somatic therapy really helped release some of that. So anyway,
the second tip that I would give would be, maybe
try therapy if you still need to talk about it
and you feel like you've run through your friends. Okay.
The third thing that I swear, I'm like, why didn't
(20:33):
I think of this before? You know, sometimes you have
these aha moments, as Oprah would call them and it's
just randomly, but it's after you've spent a really long
time doing it another way. That just was like, oh
my god, duh. But what I realized the last I
think this was two breakups ago. What I realized was
that when I would go through a breakup or I
(20:56):
would be in the new period of being single again,
I would stop doing certain things that I loved to
do because they seemed like couples activities, but it was
actually just making me more sad in my life. So
the third tip that I'm going to come back in
with is remind yourself of the things that you love
in your life. Like here's an example. I love to cook.
(21:22):
I'm a cancer, I love home. I'm not like a
great cook at all, but I love to find a
really good recipe, go get all the ingredients or order
them and have them delivered. Which I'm being really truthful
here because I hate the grocery store. But yeah, I
love that process, like going through the cookbook, picking the
(21:44):
recipe that I'm going to make, getting all the ingredients,
and then I make it like an event, you know,
like it's the thing of the night. It's the thing
that I'm doing if I like want to have a
treat after whatever. I just really really enjoy the whole thing,
and when I would go through a break, I would
just like stop doing that because it seems really silly
to cook for one person, you know, especially when it's
(22:06):
these whole this whole meal, these all these big recipes
or whatever. And then I just thought to myself, well,
fuck that, Like if I'm sitting at my house at night,
especially because I have all this new empty space in
my life and a lot of my friends are in
relationships or they have kids and so on certain nights,
you know, there's not a lot of flexibility schedule wise,
(22:28):
so I am going to be at home by myself.
Also at the stage of life that I'm in, you know,
when work is busy, I don't really want to be
out all the time, and so I like to still
be at home and nesting. But I was getting like
really kind of just Debbie downer about it because I
would either be postmating or eating something that was just
like thrown together but not really that great. And then
(22:51):
I thought to myself one day, why am I not
doing that thing just because I'm gonna have leftovers? Who cares?
So now I just either freeze things or just have
leftovers for the week. Like I'll get one recipe and
i'll make it on a Monday or a Sunday, and
I'll eat on it kind of all week, you know,
(23:12):
Like I like to make things that are good leftover wise.
So anyway, just don't stop doing the things that you love.
If it's going to dinners, go to dinner. I also
go eat solo dinner sometimes and they're really nice, Like
I actually feel very empowered doing it. I go to
this cute little Italian restaurant in Nashville. It's like my
(23:33):
solo dinner spot called Cafe Nona. If you're ever in town,
I highly recommend it. But it's this cute, little, like
hole in the wall, mom and pop Italian restaurant. I'll
order a glass of wine and a really big pasta
dish gluten free of course, and it still makes me
feel like I'm doing the activity. I'll even go on
a Saturday because I'm wild like that and I don't
(23:54):
care anymore. But if that feels overwhelming, go on a
Tuesday at like five o'clock. It's it's a good way
to dip your toe in. But don't stop doing the
things that you love to do when you're in a
couple just because you're not in a couple, because truthfully,
you probably just love those things in general, and we
equate it to that person that we are no longer
(24:15):
with or the person that we're going to be with
in the future, and so it really kind of just
makes your life even more sad, especially after a breakup,
if you're neglecting your own needs or not doing the
things that you love because you're not in a relationship.
So do the things you love. The fourth tip kind
of goes along with that, and this is of course
(24:38):
being responsible as an adult and if you can get
away from responsibilities, if you can afford this, I recommend
traveling after a breakup. I especially in the state of
that middle ground, like the area we're talking about, because
maybe you were too sad at first to do it
and you just needed to cry it out and go
through your process. But if you're in this space, like
(25:00):
the in between space again, when you're kind of rebuilding
your life, when you're not ready to date yet, or
you're just like kind of feeling like you're floating, something
that really really helps me is to go out and
remember how big the fucking world is. I think sometimes
I'll feel like I'm living in this little bubble in Nashville,
(25:22):
and it's of course you're seeing the same people. Everyone
knows everyone. I've been in this town a really long time,
and so like it just feels like, oh my god,
everyone in this world knows my story, or everyone in
the hown knows my story, and like you feel you
can feel really stuck. Then it's like you go to
(25:42):
a different city or a different state or a different
country and nobody knows who you are or that you
just went through a breakup and look at that Oh
my god, did you see that hot guy just walk by?
Because I did, And oh my god, you remember that
the person that you just broke up with is not
that last person on this planet. I used to have
(26:03):
this mentor that would say to me, it's a relationship,
not the universe, And I'm like, but it feels like
the universe when I'm going through this breakup. It feels
like it's just like taking over everything. And when you
think about it in this way, it's like that relationship
is just one piece of your story. If you go
out and you remember that that was just a relationship.
(26:23):
It's not the universe and you go see the rest
of the universe. It's very empowering, it's very exciting. It
gives you a little pep in your step, and definitely
it gives you hope for a future. Okay, the last
(26:44):
tip that I have for this podcast, and I want
to be clear here, I will never ever tell someone
when it's time to get back out there. I really
do think this is a personal decision, and I think
that it's completely on your patterns, your behaviors, how you've
(27:05):
processed the feelings, if you've done your work, If you haven't,
you know, how have you like operated in the past.
Are you a serial dater so the second you go
through a breakup, you jump in another one. Like I've
never been a big proponent of that personally because I
like reflection time or I think that to not take
the shit from the past with us. Reflection time seems
(27:27):
to help to me, it has at least, so I'm
never never gonna be like, Okay, you just got to
get yourself back out there. But again, if you're like me,
or if you're not, you're just listening, and this is
something you resonate with like I'm a big feeler, like
I said, and so sometimes I can get a little
stuck in the negative feelings. If any of my enneagram
(27:48):
fours are listening, you know what I'm saying, Like they
feel really bad, but I'll just stay I can't get
out of it. Like it's just like I'm stuck in
the waking up every morning and the you know, and
so like I've had to program my brain over the
years of going, Okay, now this is enough. And let's
not to say like I'm side stepping feelings. I have
(28:08):
the opposite problem of most people. I feel every fucking feeling,
and so you can get stuck there if you're a
person like that. So instead of like side stepping feelings
and not processing, I will just continue to process. And
it's too much. And so I've had to really learn
to like push myself to take that next step. And
(28:29):
the next step I'm talking about is putting yourself back
out there and listen. I know dating apps can suck.
I hated them when I first got on them, and
I don't necessarily love them now either, but they have
been very helpful to me in just taking the next step.
So let's say, for instance, you're where our listener who
(28:51):
left the voicemail is, and you're three to four months
out of a breakup. You're sad, and maybe you're like
still not fully over it, but you're kind of like, Okay,
I'm getting sick of my own self, you know, like ough,
I just feel stuck. It's like starting to impact the
rest of my life, my work, my creativity, my friendships, whatever.
(29:13):
I know it's not the right relationship for me, and
I know it's time to move on. I think dating
apps can be a good start. Like there's something about
when you have to build the profile, when you have
to put yourself out there, that immediately when you do that,
I feel like you're communicating to the universe. Okay, I'm
taking a step. And even if it's just a small
(29:36):
step of putting up a profile or even creating it,
and you are in bumble and you're on like incognitive mode.
Maybe you do each step that you feel okay doing
at first, but it's like such an energy shift all
of a sudden when you say to the universe, okay,
like the past is in the past, I'm not going
to stay stuck there and I'm going to take the lessons.
(29:59):
I've done my work, I've looked at myself. I've learned
the things that I don't want to ever do in
a relationship again, Like I'm looking at certain behaviors and
learning new ways to do things because I don't want
to be like that girl again or that person again.
I've grieved, I've cried, I've been angry. I just know
it's time to move on. I think that dating apps
(30:20):
can be the next right step and putting that energy
out there, even if you don't meet someone in the
dating app, or that's not where you meet your person,
or even if you don't go on a date with anyone,
sometimes just doing the match or having a flirty chat
with somebody, or even just like having conversation in general.
(30:40):
And again it's that thing of like traveling, seeing that,
oh there's a whole world out there of other people
also looking to date. There's something energetically about that that
I think kind of changes the way we show up
in the world. And when you change the way you
show up in the world, then you're going to be
going around your day and you're gonna be at the
gas station and maybe you see a cute guy and
(31:03):
it's like the girl two weeks ago on the podcast
talked about you look at the universe, you say oh,
thank you, more please, and then you go to have
dinner or you have lunch and you see another cute
guy and you're like, oh, why does this keep happening?
And then before you know it, somebody is approaching you
at the grocery store asking you on a date or
something like that. I'm just telling you there's something about
shifting your energy that really matters. And for me, the
(31:26):
way I kind of I've always dipped my toe back in,
or in the last couple of years, dip my toe
back in after relationships, it's to just open back up
the apps and kind of put my energy there again,
just saying to the universe, Okay, I'm uploading this page again,
or I'm getting back out there. I'm communicating to you
(31:49):
that I am ready to move on from these feelings.
If you're not going to say anything else, maybe you
could say that I'm ready to move on from these
feelings and keep moving forward, and you next right step
yourself into a newer, happier lights. Those are the tips
I've got for you guys on breakups, especially the middle
(32:10):
ground place if you have any more questions or if
you have feedback, if you like listen to all this
stuff and you're like, uh, take or toss. I'm tossing.
This sucked. I didn't get anything out of it. I
actually want to know that too. I want to know
what's working for y'all as I navigate these new podcasts,
so as always, take what you like and leave the rest.
(32:31):
You can email us at the Edge at velvetsedge dot com,
or you can hit me directly at Kelly at velvetsedge
dot com. I'm getting used to saying that on here.
Also you can leave me a new voicemail and this
is a great way. I love interacting with you guys
and hearing what you're actually going through and getting to
speak to that directly. It is so healing for me
(32:53):
and so amazing, So please keep them coming. You can
find the link to the voicemail in the link in
my bio on my Instagram, so it's at velvet Edge
on Instagram. You just go into the link in the
bio and you'll see it. It says ve voicemail or
speak pipe I think is what it's called. And you
just click that and you just send it. It's like
a voice memo that you send me. They're all anonymous.
(33:15):
I'm not going to say your name or anything like that.
But it's really really helpful and it's such a great
way to interact with each other. So keep them coming.
Take what you like, leave the rest. Is it take
or toss or that Let me know, okay,
Conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. It's The Velvet's
Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson. Welcome to this month's Is
it take or toss or take what you like and
leave the rest? I can't decide, so DM me email
me what title do you guys like better for these
(00:21):
solo episodes that I'm doing, Take her toss or the
saying that I always say, which is take what you
like and leave the rest. That just feels a little
long for a title anyway. This month is February, and
if you are a regular listener of the podcast, you
know that we've been talking about love and sex and
(00:41):
just kind of what we in our society get wrong
about those topics, like what we miss, what we haven't
been taught, what we're not learning, where we can get better,
where we can grow, and where we can understand more
So some of the topics we've covered our period sex.
I'm going to be talking to some one who is
(01:01):
going to describe an attachment or insecure attachment in relationships,
and he's going to talk about the avoidant side of things.
I've had a couple of people on to already talk
about the anxious side of things. And that one actually
seems to get talked about a little bit more, I
think because more people who side or lean more anxious
(01:22):
are more quick to go get help, and so it's
maybe a topic that people are looking for more. But
there is another side of that coin, and it's the
avoidant attachment side. So I'm going to have coach Ryan
on and he is going to help us understand avoidant attachment,
how to heal from avoidant attachment. We've also just had
some really other great relationship nuggets or sex nuggets, and
(01:45):
I felt like, you really can't talk about love and
sex or relationships without talking about breakups. And that's like
the want want, Like who wants to do a podcast
about breakups? Right? Like it's not necessarily the fun side
of relationships. But I will say I have taken on
a whole new mentality about relationships and breaking up in
(02:11):
the last couple of years, and it's really really helped me.
So I got a listener voicemail kind of just asking
for some thoughts on how to get past certain points
of a breakup. You know that in between stage where
it's like it's initially just over, you have a couple
of months where you get the free past, to kind
of bitch to all your friends, to complain, to not
(02:31):
get out of bed, to eat bad food, to drink
too much wine, whatever it is that you do to cope.
And then you get to the part of life that
you're like, and wait, now what, I'm still sad. Maybe
I'm not ready to date yet, not ready to put
myself out there. But I can't talk to my friends
about this anymore. They've heard the story and there's nothing new.
(02:53):
And yeah, it seems a little lonesome if I'm still
sitting in bed all day or you know, overeating overdrinking,
like it's just not cute anymore. It's time to get
my shit together. But like, what do you do if
your emotions haven't caught up or your feelings haven't caught
up to that? So that was the question, And I'll
play the voicemailing just a second. But what I really
(03:14):
wanted to start with is kind of what has helped
me the most in just relationships in general. And then also,
like I said, in this breakup process, and I think
when I think back to my past of like dating,
let's say, back in my thirties, definitely back in my twenties.
(03:34):
But you know, I've had some really tough relationships. Like
relationships have definitely been my teachers in this lifetime, as
I think they are for most of us or many
of us, and they have come in this like really difficult, impactful,
brush your soul kind of way for me. And there
(03:56):
have been moments where I was like, I'm not going
to live through this one. Like I thought I would die.
It was so fucking painful. Definitely moments where my life
was completely torn apart from a relationship or a breakup,
the times where I couldn't get out of bed, all
of the things, and I'm just such a feeler. Again,
if you've listened to this podcast regularly, you know I
(04:17):
feel things really big and really full, and that is
great on the good days and hard on the hard days.
And so breakups used to really really cripple me. I
would say, like take me out, And they still are
really hard. I actually just recently went through one as well,
And even though that relationship ended on good terms and
(04:41):
not in the way that anything else has ended for me,
it's still really hard and it sucks and it's painful,
and there's all the bad parts of a breakup too.
But what's really changed my mentality overall is kind of
to change the way that I even look at relationships.
I talk about this a lot with Marv and in
(05:03):
my solo podcast, I seem to keep referencing astrology. So
if you haven't at all had any sort of foundation
in astrology, this still can work for you. But something
that I believe is that basically we're here in this
lifetime or in whatever lifetime, to come and grow and evolve,
(05:23):
and that's what your soul's biggest goal is. That's what
the lessons are for, is just for our own growth
and that we want to continue to evolve. So if
you're looking at life that way, relationships fall under the
same umbrella. It's like every single person that comes into
(05:43):
your life is here for a reason. Every single relationship
that you decide to enter into is here to serve
its purpose. It's here to teach you something, it's here
to push you to grow, even the hard ones, especially
the hard ones. I talked about this in the last
solo episode, But sometimes I feel like the pain is
the thing in this lifetime that loves us the most,
(06:05):
and it's obviously when you're in the pain not what
you're thinking or what you're feeling, but in the big
picture of your life, when you look back in the
moments where you had actual change, where there were the
huge moments of growth where you yourself as a human,
(06:26):
as a person, became somebody totally different and more mature
or more evolved. If you look back at those moments,
it's usually the pain that got you there. Like, I'm
not a person who's just going through life and everything's
hunky dory and I'm like, uh, let's go change things.
I think most of us are wired to go through
(06:47):
life and when things feel good, you just keep doing
the same things. So it's when the things come in
and they rock you and they break you and they
take you to your knees that you have to actually
look in the mirror and figure out what it is
you're made of. For me, those lessons have come through
other people, whether they were good people, hard people, nice people,
(07:10):
mean people, whatever, it was, the people that showed up
and brought me to my knees or helped me to
grow that were the catalysts for change in my life.
They were the characters that I needed. They were always right,
And I hate saying that in some ways, because you know,
(07:31):
there's a part of us all. I think when you
look back on your past and you can say, ugh,
fuck that person, or just still kind of looking at
them in a bitter way, or that relationship wasn't good.
But again, the things that shifted for me is knowing
or they are knowing that whatever that relationship was that
changed me was necessary. I don't think I would have
(07:52):
evolved or I would have grown without it. So once
you start looking at relationships that way, just as a foundation,
letting them go when the time is right becomes a
little bit easier. I'm not saying it takes away the
pain of the sadness of missing the person, of being
fucking pissed off and wanting to slash tires like that.
(08:13):
Stuff is all still there. But when you really look
at the relationship at the time you need to end it,
when it's run its course, when it's over, if you
can look back at it and say, well, this served me,
because it kind of changes things. So here's the voicemail.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Hi, Kelly, I just wanted to let you know that
your podcast really means a lot. I would just love
your feedback on just like processing through a breakup, and
especially when you're the one that's doing the breaking up,
and also too just like you know, when you're like
past that like initial three or four months and it
(08:53):
gets into like the six or seven months and you
have like good days and then bad days. I just
want you to know like how to process through that.
It's just instrumentally hard. And I feel like you're at
that point when like you know, you don't want to
like talk to friends necessarily because you don't want to
burden them, right, but it's also like it's really hard
to just navigate through it. And I wonder, like just
(09:15):
in your life and through relationships, like how what were
the stages that you kind of went through and how
did you process through you know, like that middle part,
you know, like that awkward like the awkward phase of
the breakup right where it's like it's not just like
it happened, but it's been a like but not like
five years yet, you know what I mean. Any thoughts
would be really helpful. I just really appreciate you. Thank
(09:38):
you so much.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
By the middle part, that's what I'm going to call this,
And yes, I know exactly what that feels like and
what I equate it to in my head is the
day where you wake up in the morning and it's
that feeling where your body is still really heavy because
you're carrying all the emotions and you're just like, that's
(09:59):
like a feeling, even if you don't have the words
to describe it. It's like you wake up every morning,
you remember what happened, and it's just like it's heavy,
and I think we've all been there and again it's
at that time where you're not quite ready maybe to
like go out on dates again or invite new things
(10:23):
into your life, but you also know, okay, like I
don't want to keep living like this, Like this just
feels ick. This is like it's got to get better.
You know. They say this too shall pass, but like
when the fuck is it gonna pass? Because I don't
want to wake up every day and have to like
really motivate motivate myself to get out of bed. I
(10:45):
just want to wake up and live my life and
be happy and joyful and free again. So here are
some tips of things that I've tried over the years
or you know, that have really actually worked for me
over the years. Here's my number one tip. If we're
stirling back, and we're looking at what each relationship like.
It was here to teach us the period of time
(11:06):
after the breakup, like when you're initially out of it,
what we talked about before, when you're kind of just
like in survival mode of I'm in so much pain.
Give me whatever it is I need. Let's go to
dinner every night with a friend, or come over and
sit on my couch and watch a comedy special with me,
whatever it is you do. That period has passed, let's say,
and you're kind of like, Okay, I gotta get my
(11:28):
shit together, but like, yeah, I really don't feel like
getting my shit together. So for me in that time,
something that helps my brain to stop thinking about my ex,
which is what my brain is equating to feeling bad,
Like my brain is thinking, God, I really miss that ex,
even though that relationship was driving me crazy and it
(11:50):
was getting really shitty and I was exhausted. I wasn't
even enjoying it anymore. When you get the three month
the four month period out, it's like all of a sudden,
you remember, oh my god, we had the best sex.
Oh my god, I remember that time. He was so
funny and he made me laugh about x Y and
z Oh. He's basically a comedian. And it's like your
(12:10):
brain goes into this fog of unrealistic reality or that
is what does that even mean? Unrealistic reality? It just
goes into something that's not real. It's not realistic and
it's not reality. It's only the good stuff. And so
to stop my brain from doing that, I have to
make it focus on something else. You know, there's always
(12:32):
like going on walks, getting moving. I find that to
be completely imperative when I'm going through a hard time.
In general, you have to get your body moving. So
even if it's like twenty minutes to go walk around
your neighborhood and actually be in the sunshine, get some
vitamin D. And so my brain does well with information.
I'm an information seeker. So if you're anything like me
(12:55):
using that skill set, I'll call it and applying to
how I can learn about myself and I can grow.
After that relationship, it really kind of starts to energize
you again, like astrology, the enneagram, human design has been
a huge one for me of just starting to understand myself.
(13:16):
And when you stand yourself more, you can, for one,
show up in relationships in a much more authentic, bigger,
better way. But also you can look back on old
relationships and go, oh, that's why that didn't work. That's
what I was looking for there, and I wasn't getting that.
But I didn't even know how to ask for it
(13:37):
because I didn't know that was in need of mine
because I didn't understand myself, and so it looked like
throwing tantrums or giving the silent treatment or whatever it
is that we do. But when you start to really
understand yourself and your motivations, that's the enneagram is great
for why we do what we do. And so many
of these modalities that I just mentioned are just about
(14:00):
understanding what your soul came here to do in this lifetime.
And once you start to kind of understand that, you
can look at relationships in the way that I described,
where it's like, oh, I needed that really toxic relationship
because I needed to find my voice. And if someone
hadn't pushed my boundaries as much as he did, I
(14:20):
would have never spoken up. I would have always just
listened to what other people told me to do. I
would have been a people pleaser for the rest of
my life. But thankfully that X made me so mad
that even though I screamed the words I was saying,
now I know what I want to say, and I
can say it in a clear adult kind way, you know,
(14:41):
like you can really start to work on the things
you didn't like about how you showed up in that
relationship because you still have the understanding of where you grew.
So I really recommend human design, astrology, enneagram, even seeing
like psychics or energy healers that you know are really
(15:01):
tapped in intuitively, any sort of kind of guidance is
really really healing to me in times like this, because
I think our brain is just looking to grip to
anything to normalize all this open space we have in
our lives. Now, once a relationship ends, it's like you
have all this empty space, and even if you were
good on your own before the relationship, you got to
(15:24):
relearn how to be on your own and how to
fill that space and how to fill that void. And
I think, because our brains always want to keep us safe,
if we're not putting new things in those spaces, it's
just going to go look at your ex and just
think I just missed that person, because they seem like
the only way out of our pain. But they're not.
(15:48):
The second thing I'll say, and this one comes with
a little bit of like a disclaimer on end, but
something for me, like I am definitely an external processor
if you can't tell this podcast, but if you're an
external processor like me, you can run things into the ground.
And yes, I totally know the place where you're like,
(16:10):
I have called this friend eight hundred times too many
at this point, and she's heard this story. There's nothing new,
there's no new developments, there's nothing new I need to
report to her. It's just that I'm still not over
it and I just want to say this again, or
my brain is like over analyzing this again, even if
I've already worked through it. So if you're finding yourself
(16:33):
doing that and you need process more, that's totally okay.
I think some of us do have to kind of
go around and round in circles to just kind of
get the clarity and understanding. And so if you are
finding yourself in that space, maybe instead of talking to
your friends, it would be valuable to go talk to
a therapist. And with this one, I would say, talk therapy.
(16:58):
And here was the disclaimer. Lately, this is just a
personal opinion, and I'm not a therapist, but what I
have been feeling overall with hearing about some people in
my life's therapy sessions or complaints about therapy sessions. This
is a topic I talk about with a lot of people,
(17:18):
and I really think there's a lot of bad therapists
out there. And it's super upsetting to me because that
field is what's the word, It's so valuable for one,
but it's almost dangerous to not be taken seriously because
people's mental health is very serious to me, and mental
(17:41):
and emotional health, and so I find it really sad
there are so many facilitators that maybe aren't really putting
in all the effort, are fully qualified, or maybe they're
not getting the resources they need to do their job
in a really productive, helpful way. But a lot of
times I've been talking to people lately about talk therapy
(18:03):
and it's just like, yeah, I just go in, I
say a couple things about what's going on in my life,
and then I leave and I'm like, well, did they
give you any feedback or like homework or help you
kind of navigate a different way to do that or what?
And when the answer is no, that is scary, Like
that is really scary. So what I always tell people
(18:24):
is to find a good talk therapist. What's worked in
my life is asking the people around me who I
know really believe in therapy and who have maybe done
it for a while or had experience with multiple therapists,
and who are seeing progress in their life from therapy. Yes,
it helps to go talk about things. Yes, itself helps
(18:45):
to process out loud, especially if you're an external processor.
But if you're still staying stuck and you're not growing
in your therapy sessions or after or during or whatever,
it may be time to move on to a different
therapist or look in the mirror and say, why am
I not growing me? I don't know, but yeah, I
(19:05):
just think it's a It's a big decision to take
seriously and not to say or it's just not to
take lightly. So if you do go meet with someone
and you're like, oh, this is terrible, I hate therapy,
maybe try another therapist first before you completely rule it out.
And if it's something that you're feeling in your body.
I know a couple of podcast episodes I've done have
(19:26):
mentioned this, but the somatic therapy has been something that
I've been introduced to in the last couple of years,
and I've done talk therapy for eleven years, I would
say at this point, and I have a lot of
head knowledge, but what I was realizing was my body
was still feeling really stuck. And so I started working
with this a somatic therapist, and she helped me to
(19:48):
release a lot of the emotions from my body physically,
and that has been the biggest game changer. It's helped
me to get back to posting on social media because
I had a lot of trauma around that. Even to
be do this right now with you guys like this
was such a scary thing for me because I felt
so vulnerable about after some of the stuff that I
went through publicly, and it really like wrecked the way
(20:13):
that I could use my voice. I couldn't and the
somatic therapy really helped release some of that. So anyway,
the second tip that I would give would be, maybe
try therapy if you still need to talk about it
and you feel like you've run through your friends. Okay.
The third thing that I swear, I'm like, why didn't
(20:33):
I think of this before? You know, sometimes you have
these aha moments, as Oprah would call them and it's
just randomly, but it's after you've spent a really long
time doing it another way. That just was like, oh
my god, duh. But what I realized the last I
think this was two breakups ago. What I realized was
that when I would go through a breakup or I
(20:56):
would be in the new period of being single again,
I would stop doing certain things that I loved to
do because they seemed like couples activities, but it was
actually just making me more sad in my life. So
the third tip that I'm going to come back in
with is remind yourself of the things that you love
in your life. Like here's an example. I love to cook.
(21:22):
I'm a cancer, I love home. I'm not like a
great cook at all, but I love to find a
really good recipe, go get all the ingredients or order
them and have them delivered. Which I'm being really truthful
here because I hate the grocery store. But yeah, I
love that process, like going through the cookbook, picking the
(21:44):
recipe that I'm going to make, getting all the ingredients,
and then I make it like an event, you know,
like it's the thing of the night. It's the thing
that I'm doing if I like want to have a
treat after whatever. I just really really enjoy the whole thing,
and when I would go through a break, I would
just like stop doing that because it seems really silly
to cook for one person, you know, especially when it's
(22:06):
these whole this whole meal, these all these big recipes
or whatever. And then I just thought to myself, well,
fuck that, Like if I'm sitting at my house at night,
especially because I have all this new empty space in
my life and a lot of my friends are in
relationships or they have kids and so on certain nights,
you know, there's not a lot of flexibility schedule wise,
(22:28):
so I am going to be at home by myself.
Also at the stage of life that I'm in, you know,
when work is busy, I don't really want to be
out all the time, and so I like to still
be at home and nesting. But I was getting like
really kind of just Debbie downer about it because I
would either be postmating or eating something that was just
like thrown together but not really that great. And then
(22:51):
I thought to myself one day, why am I not
doing that thing just because I'm gonna have leftovers? Who cares?
So now I just either freeze things or just have
leftovers for the week. Like I'll get one recipe and
i'll make it on a Monday or a Sunday, and
I'll eat on it kind of all week, you know,
(23:12):
Like I like to make things that are good leftover wise.
So anyway, just don't stop doing the things that you love.
If it's going to dinners, go to dinner. I also
go eat solo dinner sometimes and they're really nice, Like
I actually feel very empowered doing it. I go to
this cute little Italian restaurant in Nashville. It's like my
(23:33):
solo dinner spot called Cafe Nona. If you're ever in town,
I highly recommend it. But it's this cute, little, like
hole in the wall, mom and pop Italian restaurant. I'll
order a glass of wine and a really big pasta
dish gluten free of course, and it still makes me
feel like I'm doing the activity. I'll even go on
a Saturday because I'm wild like that and I don't
(23:54):
care anymore. But if that feels overwhelming, go on a
Tuesday at like five o'clock. It's it's a good way
to dip your toe in. But don't stop doing the
things that you love to do when you're in a
couple just because you're not in a couple, because truthfully,
you probably just love those things in general, and we
equate it to that person that we are no longer
(24:15):
with or the person that we're going to be with
in the future, and so it really kind of just
makes your life even more sad, especially after a breakup,
if you're neglecting your own needs or not doing the
things that you love because you're not in a relationship.
So do the things you love. The fourth tip kind
of goes along with that, and this is of course
(24:38):
being responsible as an adult and if you can get
away from responsibilities, if you can afford this, I recommend
traveling after a breakup. I especially in the state of
that middle ground, like the area we're talking about, because
maybe you were too sad at first to do it
and you just needed to cry it out and go
through your process. But if you're in this space, like
(25:00):
the in between space again, when you're kind of rebuilding
your life, when you're not ready to date yet, or
you're just like kind of feeling like you're floating, something
that really really helps me is to go out and
remember how big the fucking world is. I think sometimes
I'll feel like I'm living in this little bubble in Nashville,
(25:22):
and it's of course you're seeing the same people. Everyone
knows everyone. I've been in this town a really long time,
and so like it just feels like, oh my god,
everyone in this world knows my story, or everyone in
the hown knows my story, and like you feel you
can feel really stuck. Then it's like you go to
(25:42):
a different city or a different state or a different
country and nobody knows who you are or that you
just went through a breakup and look at that Oh
my god, did you see that hot guy just walk by?
Because I did, And oh my god, you remember that
the person that you just broke up with is not
that last person on this planet. I used to have
(26:03):
this mentor that would say to me, it's a relationship,
not the universe, And I'm like, but it feels like
the universe when I'm going through this breakup. It feels
like it's just like taking over everything. And when you
think about it in this way, it's like that relationship
is just one piece of your story. If you go
out and you remember that that was just a relationship.
(26:23):
It's not the universe and you go see the rest
of the universe. It's very empowering, it's very exciting. It
gives you a little pep in your step, and definitely
it gives you hope for a future. Okay, the last
(26:44):
tip that I have for this podcast, and I want
to be clear here, I will never ever tell someone
when it's time to get back out there. I really
do think this is a personal decision, and I think
that it's completely on your patterns, your behaviors, how you've
(27:05):
processed the feelings, if you've done your work, If you haven't,
you know, how have you like operated in the past.
Are you a serial dater so the second you go
through a breakup, you jump in another one. Like I've
never been a big proponent of that personally because I
like reflection time or I think that to not take
the shit from the past with us. Reflection time seems
(27:27):
to help to me, it has at least, so I'm
never never gonna be like, Okay, you just got to
get yourself back out there. But again, if you're like me,
or if you're not, you're just listening, and this is
something you resonate with like I'm a big feeler, like
I said, and so sometimes I can get a little
stuck in the negative feelings. If any of my enneagram
(27:48):
fours are listening, you know what I'm saying, Like they
feel really bad, but I'll just stay I can't get
out of it. Like it's just like I'm stuck in
the waking up every morning and the you know, and
so like I've had to program my brain over the
years of going, Okay, now this is enough. And let's
not to say like I'm side stepping feelings. I have
(28:08):
the opposite problem of most people. I feel every fucking feeling,
and so you can get stuck there if you're a
person like that. So instead of like side stepping feelings
and not processing, I will just continue to process. And
it's too much. And so I've had to really learn
to like push myself to take that next step. And
(28:29):
the next step I'm talking about is putting yourself back
out there and listen. I know dating apps can suck.
I hated them when I first got on them, and
I don't necessarily love them now either, but they have
been very helpful to me in just taking the next step.
So let's say, for instance, you're where our listener who
(28:51):
left the voicemail is, and you're three to four months
out of a breakup. You're sad, and maybe you're like
still not fully over it, but you're kind of like, Okay,
I'm getting sick of my own self, you know, like ough,
I just feel stuck. It's like starting to impact the
rest of my life, my work, my creativity, my friendships, whatever.
(29:13):
I know it's not the right relationship for me, and
I know it's time to move on. I think dating
apps can be a good start. Like there's something about
when you have to build the profile, when you have
to put yourself out there, that immediately when you do that,
I feel like you're communicating to the universe. Okay, I'm
taking a step. And even if it's just a small
(29:36):
step of putting up a profile or even creating it,
and you are in bumble and you're on like incognitive mode.
Maybe you do each step that you feel okay doing
at first, but it's like such an energy shift all
of a sudden when you say to the universe, okay,
like the past is in the past, I'm not going
to stay stuck there and I'm going to take the lessons.
(29:59):
I've done my work, I've looked at myself. I've learned
the things that I don't want to ever do in
a relationship again, Like I'm looking at certain behaviors and
learning new ways to do things because I don't want
to be like that girl again or that person again.
I've grieved, I've cried, I've been angry. I just know
it's time to move on. I think that dating apps
(30:20):
can be the next right step and putting that energy
out there, even if you don't meet someone in the
dating app, or that's not where you meet your person,
or even if you don't go on a date with anyone,
sometimes just doing the match or having a flirty chat
with somebody, or even just like having conversation in general.
(30:40):
And again it's that thing of like traveling, seeing that,
oh there's a whole world out there of other people
also looking to date. There's something energetically about that that
I think kind of changes the way we show up
in the world. And when you change the way you
show up in the world, then you're going to be
going around your day and you're gonna be at the
gas station and maybe you see a cute guy and
(31:03):
it's like the girl two weeks ago on the podcast
talked about you look at the universe, you say oh,
thank you, more please, and then you go to have
dinner or you have lunch and you see another cute
guy and you're like, oh, why does this keep happening?
And then before you know it, somebody is approaching you
at the grocery store asking you on a date or
something like that. I'm just telling you there's something about
shifting your energy that really matters. And for me, the
(31:26):
way I kind of I've always dipped my toe back in,
or in the last couple of years, dip my toe
back in after relationships, it's to just open back up
the apps and kind of put my energy there again,
just saying to the universe, Okay, I'm uploading this page again,
or I'm getting back out there. I'm communicating to you
(31:49):
that I am ready to move on from these feelings.
If you're not going to say anything else, maybe you
could say that I'm ready to move on from these
feelings and keep moving forward, and you next right step
yourself into a newer, happier lights. Those are the tips
I've got for you guys on breakups, especially the middle
(32:10):
ground place if you have any more questions or if
you have feedback, if you like listen to all this
stuff and you're like, uh, take or toss. I'm tossing.
This sucked. I didn't get anything out of it. I
actually want to know that too. I want to know
what's working for y'all as I navigate these new podcasts,
so as always, take what you like and leave the rest.
(32:31):
You can email us at the Edge at velvetsedge dot com,
or you can hit me directly at Kelly at velvetsedge
dot com. I'm getting used to saying that on here.
Also you can leave me a new voicemail and this
is a great way. I love interacting with you guys
and hearing what you're actually going through and getting to
speak to that directly. It is so healing for me
(32:53):
and so amazing, So please keep them coming. You can
find the link to the voicemail in the link in
my bio on my Instagram, so it's at velvet Edge
on Instagram. You just go into the link in the
bio and you'll see it. It says ve voicemail or
speak pipe I think is what it's called. And you
just click that and you just send it. It's like
a voice memo that you send me. They're all anonymous.
(33:15):
I'm not going to say your name or anything like that.
But it's really really helpful and it's such a great
way to interact with each other. So keep them coming.
Take what you like, leave the rest. Is it take
or toss or that Let me know, okay,
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