The Importance of The Pause (The Velvet)

In an unscripted, unprepared episode, Kelly records a conversation between herself and her friend, Melody Godfred, about taking a mental health break. Kelly talks about the breakdown she had the week prior and Melody shares her experience with the Fred and Far owner and being an author and pausing it all to take an indefinite break to take care of her mental health, what that looks like and why. Kelly describes the moment she wrote in her journal "who the fuck am I?" and why her inability to answer that question led her to finally let go of all the striving and plan to pause. 

 

Socials: @fredandfar

@melodygodfred 

 

Website: fredandfar.com 

 

Books: 

Self Love Poetry 

ABC's of Self Love

 

 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up you guys. It is Kelly. It is Wednesday,
the day of our Velvet episodes. It's April tenth. It's
the month of the solar eclipse. I mean, we have
been through. It is what I feel, and I am sick.
And I was sitting here and I've been trying to
prep my Taker Toss episode all day today and my
brain is just not with me. And that's just the truth.

(00:21):
And I don't feel good. So I have decided that
I'm going to take a lesson that I learned three
years ago, and it is the lesson of the pause,
because so many of the conversations that I have had
over the last couple of weeks with friends or colleagues
or just people that I've talked to, is just like
this energy of exhaustion. And I don't know if you're

(00:43):
feeling it or not. If you are, it is highly
possible it is from all of the crazieststrology that we
have had and the changes that our culture is going through.
This month we had a lunar eclipse, a solar eclipse,
mercury retrograde. So if you're into astrology and you haven't
listened to my episode with Marvin Wilkerson, the master astrologer
that's on the podcast every month, yet for April, he

(01:06):
did give a lot of insight into that and also
some of the other things that are going on. There's
even more energy than all the things that I just mentioned.
But I was thinking, you know, like that's what I'll
talk about, Like I'll talk about all the energy and
we're all feeling exhausted. And then I thought, wow, well,
you're really not setting a very good example for yourself.
And the lesson that I think I learned a couple

(01:28):
of years ago that was a really really tough one
for me to get and to accept and to let
go was just that it's okay to be human and
it's okay to pause. And I didn't really fully comprehend
the pressure that I've put on myself, probably since childhood,
to continue to show up, to continue to fight through,
to hold your responsibilities very seriously and very tightly. But

(01:53):
I didn't realize that I was neglecting my own self
and my own health, and so I had just like
a breakdown, Like I hit a point where COVID was happening,
and I had some public things going on, I had
some private things going on, and it all just became
way too much for me and I had to finally stop.
And as hard as it was and as much as

(02:14):
I don't like to relive those moments, it was honestly
one of the greatest gifts of my life to have
those moments of truly breaking down and truly just going
I can't and I need to take care of myself
and I need to get my life back on track.
I have and I feel great about where I am now.
And again, like I said, that was such a gift

(02:35):
ultimately because it's really brought me to me and I
have a whole different relationship with myself and with work
and all those things. But as I was driving myself
to force the work today, I thought, wow, I'm right
back in that thing. That's kind of what happens, or
I'm doing that thing again. So I am going to
rest and I'm going to take care of myself so

(02:57):
I can give you back with you guys on Friday
with a new episode of the Edge of Chip Dorsh
But in the meantime, I wanted to bring this conversation
that I had with Fred and Farr founder and author
Melody Godfred. She's become a really good friend of mine,
and she was the one who told me about her
breakdown with starting her own business and when she had
to stop and take care of herself too. And she

(03:19):
really taught me the importance of the pause. And it's
definitely a lesson that I have to keep reminding myself of,
but that I'm so grateful for. And I thought this
conversation was very just relevant with what's going on right now.
So if you're feeling at all exhausted or drained and
you just need a little bit of grace and you're

(03:40):
having a hard time giving it to yourself, me and
Melanie Melody are here to give that to you today.
And like I said, I'm doing the same thing for myself.
So I think it's time that we all really just
acknowledge our humanness and it's okay to pause. So I'm
going to pause today. I hope you guys enjoyed this
conversation and I will be back with you Friday. On

(04:01):
the Edge, here's my conversation with.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
Melody conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's The
Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
I was just telling you when you messaged me last
week about doing another podcast. I was like, and you said,
I think the last moment. It was right after my
mental health break, and I was like, wait, what's a
mental health break, because maybe that's what I need in
my life right now. I think it was definitely a
universe thing. I was. I just hit a wall finally,

(04:33):
I think, and kind of the world felt like it
was collapsing, and I have had a hard time working.
I am just like completely, it's like almost feeling like
brain dead in some capacity. So will you just share
with us? And I mean I told you too. I
was like, I just want to record our phone conversation.
If it's good, I want to I want to put

(04:54):
it out to the listeners because I'm about to take
a mental health break. I didn't know that was the
name of it, but that I'm going to be doing.
And thank you for giving me that verbiage. And I
didn't really know what to say to people about where
I'm going, like I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going
to be in Nashville at my house doing some inner work.
But I need to take a break period.

Speaker 3 (05:18):
That's just relations. Thank you, You're giving yourself a gift
and when I found myself feeling very much like what
you described, I didn't really have a game plan either.
I didn't know it was something we were allowed to do,
Like wait, what You're allowed to stop because you don't
feel good? Like it's not something we are taught to

(05:40):
allow ourselves, Like God forbid. If I'd been diagnosed with
some physical ailment, maybe then I would have given myself
permission sooner, like oh, no, I'm sick, I have to stop.
But when it's your mental health that's suffering, I think
we all quietly endure as long as we can until
one day we can't, and that's when the break comes in.

(06:03):
And for me, it changed my life for the better
in so many ways. But it takes a lot of
courage to even just say those words, like I'm taking
a break.

Speaker 1 (06:11):
Yeah, And I mean, you are a business owner. You've
been on the podcast before. Everyone knows about my peaky ring.
I can't believe I forgot to put it on for
this podcast, but obviously I'm on a break, so even
I don't even get dressed anymore, but yeah, I wear
it all the time. It's become kind of one of
my staples that everyone knows it's my little diamond peaky ring.
I wore it on TV. Everyone was like, where'd you

(06:32):
get that?

Speaker 3 (06:33):
Are you engaged?

Speaker 1 (06:34):
I'm like, no to myself. But you have an amazing
company called Friend and Farr, and you've also you're an author,
and you've written all these amazing words about self love
and the ABC's of self love? Like how do you
do that? And to me, when I hear about achieving
like that, I'm like, you don't take a break, like
that is what we're programmed to believe, right, Like when

(06:56):
you were just talking, I was thinking to myself, I
literally still don't know that it's okay to take a break,
and that is such an odd feeling, and especially like
when you tie it into business, because you're just afraid
it's all going to go away.

Speaker 3 (07:10):
Yeah, And for me, I looked up the date you
and I did our podcast episode at the beginning of January.
I think it was January eighth, twenty nineteen, okay, And
at that time, during that call, I knew I was
burnt out, but I had no plans to stop, because
who stops. Nobody stops. So we had this amazing podcast

(07:30):
episode and if people go back and listen to it.
They'll be like, no, she sounds perfectly normal, like full
steam ahead. I had plans. I had all these things
we talked about. I was so proud of everything that
this self love movement has accomplished so far. I had
no plans of stopping. And then later that month, it
was a full moon and it was like a super

(07:50):
moon or something, and I don't know why. That night
I went outside and I sat under the moon with
my journal, something I've never ever done before in my
life life, and I said, please tell me what to do,
like I can't continue like this anymore. And I'm crying
right now because that feeling is still in my body.

(08:11):
And I just was looking for permission, I guess, and
that night, in the light of the moon, I gave
it to myself. And the next day I went into
work and I decided, I'm going to sell all my inventory,
whatever I have, and come hell or high water at
the end of March. I'm taking a break and I'm
not going to explain anything to anybody. I'm not going

(08:32):
to say when I'm going to come back. I don't
know if I'm going to come back. All I know
is I need a break and That's exactly what I did.
I sold whatever I could. I was very transparent with everybody,
like I'm going on a mental health break. And then
I allowed the wheels of my life to stop turning

(08:53):
at a million mile of an hour, and I started
creating space for myself to be in my body, to rest,
to heal, to not have an agenda every single minute
of the day. And you know, part of the reason
I wanted to have this call with you is to share,
like how much was born during that time period. And

(09:16):
you know, I've written several books and I'm working on
a new one right now that's coming out in the fall.
And this poem, I haven't even written the poem yet,
but this is the line. Right to pause is power.
Pausing is your power. And I have experienced that firsthand,
and I hope that for you, Kelly, Like what comes

(09:38):
of this period is exactly that. Recognizing that you pausing
isn't weakness, it's exactly the opposite.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
I'm like losing it because I'm so emotional, but everything
you're saying is exactly what I'm feeling. You know, Like
it's been this whole three years of just shit and
like a lot and I don't think I realized for
how many years I've been just gripping and trying to
hold everything up. And it's so hard because externally, a

(10:10):
lot of times that's when people think, oh my god,
you're killing it, you know, and look at this, look
at all the stuff you've built, or oh my god,
look at this podcast that's doing amazing, or look you're
on TV, like, look at all this stuff. And for me,
it took it all kind of crashing to the point
where I and the pandemic and things that I literally

(10:32):
genuinely couldn't control. I went through fertility stuff, and that's
been the first time in my life I have not
been able to work hard enough to get something. I
don't know what that means, like that I didn't realize
that that I will do whatever I need to do,
regardless of my health, in order to achieve the things
that I want. And unfortunately, it feels like our culture

(10:55):
just applauds that, you know, like and it's just the
scariest thing for me. But then last week happened and
I got to the place where I'm like, I'd had
some feedback from some podcast stuff that I did, and
someone said I just didn't even that was so funny.
You said that I didn't even like recognize that in you,
and I thought to myself, I don't recognize that in me,

(11:17):
Like I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm
doing things out of emotion or like like going through
the motions, knowing certain things too that like numbers wise
can work, or you know, following a storyline or trying it.
It's just like there's so much out there that you
just start going with the things that you know people.
It's what's going to get people. And that's not who

(11:40):
I am from what I used to know of me
at least. But I've gotten so off track that I'm
having a hard time even getting in touch with what
I enjoy doing, what fills me up? What is my purpose?
Like why am I here? I have no idea? And
so it literally just I woke up morning and had

(12:01):
a hard conversation with someone who was listening to the podcast.
And it was the perfect conversation though, because it finally
got me to the place of like, I can't fucking
do this anymore. I just can't. I sat in my
backyard all day and listened to a playlist like that's
really soothing for me, and I just sobbed and stared

(12:21):
at nature and I was like, yeah, this, I'm unwell,
this is not good. Did you ever have just like
a moment like that.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
Oh yeah, I'm telling you it was under the moon.
I lost my shit. Yeah, I literally lost it. And
what I have learned, at least for me, and it's
you're echoing it right back to me right now, is
that ego driven productivity, Like productivity that's driven by your

(12:50):
need to achieve and to validate your worth through some
external means. It kills your intuition, Like it literally dulls
it to the point where you no longer know who
you are, why you're here, what you're supposed to do,
or how to feel good. Like your intuition is the
answer to all of those things. Your intuition helps you

(13:12):
know who you are, why you're here, what you're supposed
to be doing, and how to feel good. And when
you fill up all the space in your life with
this conquest of like more likes, more follows, more episodes,
more sales, more networking, more and more and more, you're

(13:32):
actually giving up a lot and you end up with
a lot less because you end up with no space
for yourself, and what you did in the backyard, listening
to music and looking to nature and allowing yourself to
feel was probably like the most intuitive thing you've done
in a really long time. And even though it's hard,

(13:53):
like that's you being reborn and coming home to yourself,
and I think that's so beautiful, like for you to
share that with me.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Well, the truth is is I had been on the
phone with my best friend. I'm sorry, my voice is
so shaky. This is very emotional for me. But she
was like, you know everyone, it was the middle of
the work week. It was like a Wednesday, and she
said to me like, okay, could you just maybe put
on your shoes and go for a walk, try to
clear your head, like and let's figure out like next

(14:23):
right step kind of stuff, you know, Like I had
a podcast scheduled that day, and she was like, first things, first,
you gotta cancel that podcast, like you can't do this
to yourself today, and then cancel the one you have tomorrow.
And for me, you know, I had an artist booked too,
and I just was like I can't, I can't do that,
Like I just and I'm like, that's how I've been
operating though, is I'm literally having what I would call

(14:46):
a somewhat nervous breakdown. And I was so concerned about
losing that guest or offending someone's schedule that I couldn't
even formulate that. And she was like, no, you're doing that,
and then call me back. And then she was like, Okay,
now maybe you should go for a walk or something.
And you know, I'm really lucky that I have really
good friends like this, but I realized it was almost

(15:08):
two in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten a bite
of food and I couldn't even get the energy to
go on a walk. Like that's how out of touch
I had gotten. And that just like for me when
she said that, I was just again hitting these places
and so the best I could do was go sit
in my backyard, and like you said, it was, it
did bring me peace, and eventually a couple of my
friends showed up at my house. I felt like an

(15:31):
episode of the Intervention or something, But in some ways
it is, you know, and I don't. Again, I think
it's a hard thing, this achieving piece and this perfectionist piece,
and especially in a culture that's just so driven by
success and like you said, the likes and all of
that stuff, to set it down or to say to yourself,

(15:53):
maybe this needs a pause, Maybe this needs something, it
needs to shift it and not to have the an
there yet, and just to sit in a stillness can
be both extremely freeing and extremely terrifying all at the
same time.

Speaker 3 (16:09):
Because and by the way, like you said, the name
of my book that's coming out in September, the shift.
That's what this Everything I do now is about that,
Like how do we create the shift? Okay, like you
are in my brain and it's crazy.

Speaker 1 (16:24):
We've always been that way, I know.

Speaker 3 (16:28):
Crazy. But here's the thing. The reason taking a pause
is scary is because from the minute we're born, we
are taught to focus on what comes next. At least
for me, Like it was like, Okay, I'm going to
be an elementary school, but then I'm going to apply
to prep school and then from there I'm going to
apply to college and I'm going to pick a major,
and then I'm going to go to graduate school and

(16:49):
then I'm going to have a career, and then I'm
going to get married and get a dog and get
a house and have kids, and like everything is already planned.
It's all about what is next step. We've never allowed
for the next step to be joyfully unknown. It's always
fearfully planned, like that's God, that's so good, that's the best, right,

(17:11):
instead of joyfully unknown, it's fearfully planned. And we chain
ourselves to these like hamster wheels, and we just think,
if we run fast enough, then we will prove that
we're going to get everything we deserve. And we lived
up to our potential and we were perfect enough, and
we made an impact enough, and we were liked enough,
and we were generous enough, and so on and so on.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
What I am.

Speaker 3 (17:35):
Curious about is like, what if we all just collectively
decided that being here, alive, in this moment and breathing
is enough. Like what if that's what the past two
years we're here to teach us that we can plan
and we can be strategic, and then something can come
and take it all away from us. And if we
are not in tune with ourselves, if we are not

(17:55):
joyfully present in the here and now, there will be
nothing for us because everything can get taken away. And
that happened, right, and we're all still living the stress
of it. I went to a restaurant last night, and
everyone around me was eating and drinking and joyful, and
all I could think was like, am I going to

(18:16):
get COVID tonight? Like I could not get that thought
out of my mind. And we all live with that
collective trauma of feeling totally unsafe, But there is a
liberation in it, right, Like there is also this great
awakening that like a lot of the things that we
thought mattered really didn't. A lot of the stuff we

(18:36):
were accumulating we didn't really need, and maybe it's time
for us to be ourselves and choose to be deliberate
about how we spend our time and live our lives
without it being in design to achieve something like maybe
it's about reclaiming that space for ourselves. And that's what

(18:59):
the paw is, right, it's reclaiming your space, your time,
your energy, your attention, your love, And it's I mean,
it's ironic. Like I started a self love movement in
twenty fifteen, is when I came up with this idea
for the self Love Pinky Ring, because I had this
idea back then that like, shouldn't I be a priority

(19:20):
in my life? Shouldn't I make space for my mental
health and my physical health. And here i am, like
over five years later, and I'm still struggling with the
same thing because it is so hard to do. You know.
I get met all the time with this outpouring of
applause for being a superwoman, and I cringe now when
people say that I don't want to be a superwoman.

(19:43):
There's a huge toll that I am experiencing, being a
mom of three kids, writing these books, having this company,
having very little help, carrying all this around, Like I
don't want to be super I'm like crumbling over here,
Like this morning, I have a thyroid ultrasound because my
thyroids totally messed up. And it's not for nothing, Like

(20:05):
we run ourselves into the ground, and even though we
seem like perfectly polished and capable and everything's going great,
and I got a three book deal and that was
my greatest ambition in life, by the way, Like I
am faced with my mortality now every single day because
for so long I completely neglected myself in service to

(20:27):
my ambition and now I have to pay for that.
And I see your paying for that, Like how much
have you sacrificed in service to ambition?

Speaker 1 (20:38):
Myself would be my answer. I mean, you said so
many good things in there. I want to touch on
two of them that really popped out to me. But
speaking of the pandemic, when you said, you know, there's
so much that we realized we didn't need that for
me in in a very startling way, was my job,
And my job was one of the ones that disappeared.

(21:00):
You know, the music industry went away, so that aspect
of my job disappeared. I was not on TV anymore.
There was a whole falling out with the show that
I was on, and then like even Instagram going down
the other day. But I mean it was like the
silliest things, right, But I thought to myself in the

(21:21):
four hours that it was down, I was like, oh
my god, all of a sudden, that blue check mark
means nothing.

Speaker 3 (21:27):
Like who cares?

Speaker 1 (21:28):
All of a sudden, you know, swipe up is even
different now, like nothing is the same. And I can't
control it. I can't control the algorithm. I can't control
that a show might get canceled on the weekend, and
my artists aren't going to be doing the same things
they were doing. And all of it happened all at
the same time to this to push me to this
place where I didn't have the things that I used

(21:51):
to grip to, Like like if I would be going
through a breakup, I throw myself into work, you know,
and it was like I got the validation I needed
to feel what I thought back to myself looked like.
And the truth was is amongst all of that, I
created this false self. Like I mean, sure, those are
parts of me and there are things that I love,

(22:11):
but the reality of all of that is that I've
gotten so lost from myself that now I feel like
I'm going through my life chasing, like you said, and
also just like filling it with all these things that
in the root of all of it are really not
mine to hold on to, and they're just for me

(22:31):
to create this ego version of myself so that I
look really, you know, nice and cool on the outside.
And sure, I'm trying to do good in there too, because.

Speaker 3 (22:43):
That is my heart.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
I try. But like the reality of all of it
is it's the chasing and the striving. And sure, I mean,
like maybe those things can come back, but like I
just have realized that that is not who I am. Ultimately,
it can be things that I do, but like, if
I'm missing the piece of who I am and in

(23:05):
that connection to myself, it's always going to end this
way for me with the meltdown, you know. I mean,
I literally wrote when I was singing in the backyard,
I took a journal out there to see if I
wanted to write anything down, and all I wrote on
this one piece of paper was who the fuck am I?
And I just stared at that for hours and I
could not answer, like I have. I think I've gotten

(23:29):
to a better place in a week of where I
could answer a few more questions, but it was just
so jumbled in my head and I was like, I
don't I don't even know. So anyway, there was that
what was the other thing you said? I wish I
should have taken a note so that you said so
many good things in there. And I do, like I do,
really appreciate hearing about the fact that you're still on

(23:53):
a journey, like you started in this place five years
ago where you were like I are six years ago
almost I guess, or you had this idea, but that
doesn't mean that like we do it perfectly or that
it just gets figured out. Because you started a business
around self love. You're like the master of self love.

Speaker 3 (24:11):
Now no quite the opposite, And like that break I
took was proof of that back in twenty nineteen, Like
I took six months off and then now here we
are like a few years after that, and like I
might need another one, Like I feel overwhelmed, Like there's

(24:33):
just too much. There's too much. I don't think I
give myself even an hour a day of like quiet reflection.
And that's also because I've developed some really bad pandemic habits.
I'm like super addicted to my phone. It's almost as
though like if I'm like reading a news article or
going on Facebook or doing those things, like I'm constantly

(24:54):
searching for something that i know I'm never going to find.
I'm like trying to scratch a niche that i know
I'm never going to scra but it keeps me from
being lonely. And I think that's why I do it.
Like I keep filling my space because I feel so
alone sometimes even though I'm surrounded by a lot of people,
and like that's just a bad habit. Like I need

(25:14):
to have a digital detox and just commit to creating
space to like think, to breathe, to move. But it's
not easy when your world is moving like a bullet
train and you feel like either you have to stay
on it or the opposite of staying on it is
like giving it all up. And that's been my challenge

(25:34):
is I was very peaceful during my break. I was
so intuitive that during that period, like crazy magical things
started happening. I would have like visions of things they
would happen. I mean, I felt like a witch. I
was so in touch with myself. But inevitably, like the
wheels started moving again and me being me, I started

(25:58):
doing like way more than I should have. And here
I am again, like all over again, another three years later,
trying to figure out how do I maintain that beauty
that I was able to nurture when I was still
and bring that stillness into what is like an incredibly
busy life. And that's a formula I'm going to have
to probably keep working on for the rest of my life.

(26:21):
But I will say that the difference between how I
used to carry it before and how I carry it
now is now I'm learning to course correct a little
bit sooner. Like my therapist said this to me last week,
I hadn't had a session with her in a couple
of years and my husband and I were having like
a very hard week and I was like, I need therapy,

(26:42):
like I need to go and figure this out. And
she said to me, God bless her. She goes melody,
here's what I've learned about you. You wait too long
to course correct, Like when something feels off, you wait
until like the building is on fire to do something
about it. And she's like, that's what I want you
to work on. And it's only been a week and
it's still very fresh, but she's kind of like blown

(27:04):
my mind with this idea that I can course correct
sooner and if I feel off in my body, if
I feel off in my mind, like I can start
making changes sooner and it doesn't need to get to
such an extreme place before I feel like I deserve
an hour of my time every day, which really I
wasn't even getting an hour, and even for you, like

(27:28):
you're going And then the other thing, sorry I was
going to say, is I used to be really fearful
about what was on the other side of everything, and
now I'm like curious, and even for you when you
stare down at that page that says who the fuck
am I like, maybe there's like a who the fuck am? I? Like,
there's a little curiosity and joy and willingness to like

(27:51):
embrace this opportunity for self discovery. Like I have a
feeling you're gonna like what you find.

Speaker 1 (27:58):
Thank you for saying that, because the truth is, too
is the person that I am has evolved and changed,
and especially through some pretty tough situations the last couple
of years. And so, like you said, you're getting better
at the course correction even in a week. And you know,
I've noticed with myself, I'm such a perfectionist that it's
hard for me to give myself any credit because I'm like, oh,

(28:20):
I'm not doing this right, or like, oh, I still
don't have this figured out, you know, and instead of
looking at oh wow, in the past, this would have
taken me five years to figure out and now it's
taking me a year or you know what I mean.
Like it's just it can be even the small things
like that or noticing, oh, you know what, I'm doing
that thing again, or just kind of like having the

(28:41):
progress be the goal versus the perfection is typically where
I can get when I'm in a better place, but
when I am in my other headspace, the striving headspace.
It is like, no, you better be perfect, you better
be perfect, You've got to do this, You've got to
do this, and it's it's where I just end up
losing myself. And so maybe it is it's like a
new awakening to a deeper version of myself, even or

(29:01):
a version I haven't met yet.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
And exactly like there's so much there waiting for you.
And I'll say, like what helps me And I think
part of the reason why I write is because having
little like mantras really helps me get my head right
when I'm spinning. And so for you, like one of
the things that I've learned that's really helped me because
I'm also a perfectionist, is I have kind of put

(29:26):
perfectionism on one side and I've put authenticity on the other.
So when I'm facing a choice, I'm in a moment,
I ask myself, do I want to be perfect or
do I want to be true? And when you have
something really simple and clear like that, you know, like,
I don't want to be perfect when I'm faced with
that choice, I would much rather be real. And that's why, like,

(29:50):
even in talking to you, like I'll tell you I
had marriage struggle. I'll tell you I have a thyroid
health issue. I'll tell you like that, I'm scared about
the future of my business because I really don't know,
like what it's going to look like. It's been such
a brutal, brutal year. But the old me wouldn't have
shared any of that with you. I would have loossed

(30:11):
over it. I would have been, like, you know, I'm
like married to the love of my life. We've been
together for over ten years with three kids, and it's
so amazing how supportive he is of my self. Love
and all of that is true, but it's not the
whole picture. It's a perfect version of the picture.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
The best thing when of my therapist told me was
to use the word and instead but you know and like,
because they can both be true. It's like, you're married
to the love of your life and it's a relationship
and there's two people with two personalities, and there's going.

Speaker 3 (30:44):
To be issues hard.

Speaker 1 (30:47):
Yeah, that's just reality, though, you know, and I don't
think we do each other any sort of service by
doing this half version of ourselves. And I think that's
been one of the things that I've learned about social
media is I really do want to try to be
this authentic version of myself, and that's really hard publicly,

(31:07):
and especially when you've been exposed or shamed publicly or
any sort of like negativity has come your way, I
think that it makes it even harder to be like, wait,
but no, here's the real me, because I think we
all ultimately really do just want acceptance and validation and
connection with people, and those things can be really hard

(31:28):
when you're in your vulnerability completely because we're all human.

Speaker 3 (31:33):
Yeah, and I think especially as women, shame is such
a big part of the equation. Like I grew up
in a very shame based culture. Yeah, And the great
irony is that like all the things I was ashamed
about back then, like being young and like curious about
sex and having sexual feelings and being told like I

(31:53):
have to say a virgin until I'm married and you
can't even use a campon because you're going to be damaged.
Like these were very strong messages growing up with and
I had so much vivaciousness and sexual energy and like
what I wouldn't give for a vile of what I
had in me in my twenties and now that I'm

(32:14):
approaching forty, and it's because now I'm shameful about the opposite.
And now I'm like, like, why don't I want to
have sex anymore? Like why is this part of me broken?
Like I spent half my life being ashamed for having it.
Now I'm feeling ashamed for not having it. And I
feel that are often put in these really terrible positions
where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

(32:35):
Like my whole life, I thought like the end all
be all of my identity was having a family, and
now I have this beautiful family. And there are some
days where I cry because I'm like, who signs up
for this? To give up your life an identity for
twenty years and not belong to yourself? Like I literally
I could cry because it's something I'm really struggling with

(32:56):
because I live and breathe for these other people and
they're the best thing that ever had to me, And
to use your therapist's word, and I feel like this
complete loss of autonomy and identity and fun and youth
because I'm constantly worried about them twenty four hours a day.

(33:16):
I don't know how to reconcile those things I feel
like and I'm not alone. Everyone has these dualities that
they're faced with where they are shamed one way and
shamed the other way. And if we all were as
brave as you're being today, because this is for your audience,
like they all know you, they all know the absolute knockout, gorgeous, flawless, funny,

(33:41):
caring person you are, right like, this is what you
present to the world. For you to be brave enough
to show them that you're also struggling, especially now when
you have so much that you've built, right, it's so
scary to be like, okay, like I'm not even though
you think I'm perfect, I'm not. There's a lot of
risk in that, but they're going to love you for

(34:04):
it even more. I promise you you're going to save
a life because there is a girl somewhere who's been
watching you and every day thinking like, am I ever
going to be that perfect? And today's she's going to
realize that you and her are both whole, and wholeness
requires embracing even the hard parts. And she's going to

(34:24):
feel better about herself today because she will stop pursuing
perfection that was never attainable for either of you, nor
should it have been, because you're far more special than
perfection could ever afford you.

Speaker 1 (34:39):
Oh, thank you, And I actually like I'm starting to
get to this place. First of all, thank you for
saying all that stuff, But I'm starting to get to
this place where I'm like, I don't want to be
that person, and that puts that out there, you know,
like I have a lot of programming to maybe untangle

(35:00):
to get out of that role, but and to really
fully embrace authentically who I am, maybe which first takes
getting to know that version of myself. But I do
think that there's something in me and I'm actually feeling
it on a bigger scale, maybe happening a little more

(35:20):
in our society of just like we're all sick of that,
like we're all sick of this like picture perfect. And
especially I love hearing your version of like talking about
a family, because as a woman, you are immediately programmed
from a little girl. I was reading this meme today
that was like all these Disney princesses, and it was

(35:41):
this picture of a cartoon therapist being like, wait, so
you gave up your entire life, like to you completely
neglected who you were to fit into his life like
he was talking to maybe like Cinderella or something. And
it's just like all these versions of things that we
are programmed from like birth, basically to believe that unless

(36:02):
we do those things, than we are not successful. And
I mentioned the imfertility stuff earlier. The biggest thing I
faced with that was like, I feel like a failure
as a woman, and it's not anything I can control.
I mean, it is like the universe's plan in that
and maybe I have a baby one day or maybe not,
but I know that like I did everything I could do,

(36:24):
and I'm still you know, doing the things that I
can do, but like at some point that's okay if
that's not my journey or my path. And it's been
a huge process of letting go and letting go of
that feeling of being a failure or just like to
even say that out loud. You know a lot of
people would never say, like, I love being a mom,

(36:45):
And there are days where I'm like, ah, I don't
I feel trapped. And that's why why are we not
talking like that with each other?

Speaker 3 (36:53):
Because we're all terrified. We're all living in perpetual fear
of what life on the other side of asking questions,
and I really think that right now is a time
And I keep coming back to this like joyful curiosity,
like maybe it's good for me to have these feelings

(37:14):
and honor them because it will allow me to create
more space to do what I need to do to
feel really good, you know, Like I want to plan
a writing retreat and go and get some words on
paper and that makes me feel really like connected with
myself and then I can come back and be like
a happier, less burnt out version, like they will be
fine if I leave for a week I mean even,

(37:37):
I mean, like, let's drill it down. This weekend, I
had plans to take my kids to this like farm
thing with my husband. I got tickets for all of us,
and then my best friend had a baby and she's
having a celebration on Sunday. At the same time, I've
been running circles in my brain like how am I
going to do both? Like I can't miss the farm thing,

(38:00):
And my husband was like, I can take them by myself.
I'm like, no, what if one of them needs something
and you're stuck with the other two, Like you can't
do it? And then finally I was like, why am
I doing this? I can miss the farm thing, he
can be with the kids. I cannot break myself in
a million pieces to make everyone else comfortable, Like I
don't need to plan it for him. He's the grown man.

(38:22):
My kids will be fine. They see me every day.
But I carry around guilt every day that I'm not
doing enough for the people in my life. But for
some reason, I never carry that guilt around not doing
enough for myself. And that's the shift, Like I don't
want to want to feel guilty. I don't want to
ever feel guilty, but I do think it's time for me,

(38:43):
for you, for anyone who's listening who feels burnt out,
to embrace the fact that you do actually deserve your
own love and attention, and that there's nothing wrong to
carve out it with carving out time to pause, to
be filled, to reflect, to redirect, to you discover, and
to really ask yourself like this this very simple question,

(39:06):
like who the fuck am I? What is this life
I'm living? We only get one, Like how often do
we stop and recalibrate and ask yourself like is my
life in service to me? Or am I in service
to my life.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
Oh God, that's so good. I'm gonna write that one down.

Speaker 3 (39:24):
It seems like that's what you're doing, you know, and
only good comes from that.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
I love that you brought up the shift of the
mindset going into more curiosity, because you know, that was
one of the things my best friend said to me.
She was just like, I think, if you pause for
just a second, and first of all, even ask yourself
these questions like what in my life do I enjoy
doing when I don't even know when the last time

(39:51):
I asked myself that was, you know, like I just
do at this point. And it's become such a survival mechanism,
especially with the endemic happening. I think, you know, I've
always worked for myself, so that was a survival thing.
I've also never been married or had, you know, any
anyone else to rely on financially, and so I've just,

(40:12):
you know, I've gotten into this mentality of well, I'm
gonna just if I want this kind of life, like,
I'm gonna have to make it happen myself. And so
I've been in that program for so long that I
think I was like a yes person to yes. This
looks like a good opportunity for X, Y and Z.
But it's like, do I actually want to do that
or is that in line with who I am? I

(40:33):
have not asked myself those questions. I can't even remember
the last time. And I mean, I'm ashamed to say that,
but that's just the truth, because it's it has become
such a survival thing of if I'm gonna make this work,
you know, just the pressure that I put on myself
for that, or like if I'm gonna buy the house
that I want to buy, or if I'm gonna be
able to go on these trips that I don't you know,
all the stuff just stuff, And that was one thing

(40:55):
in the pandemic. I was like, all of this can
get stripped way down. And I realized how little I
actually need to live with. And I still was able
to pay my bills, and you know, it's like I
still have plenty of clothes, like I'm good, you don't
need that extra pair of shoes their sister like there's
just a lot. Yeah, And it's and it also.

Speaker 3 (41:18):
Did it for me that the extra pay I like
literally threw up one day because I saw I had
two three pairs of boots next to each other in
the entryway. They were all black, and there were boots
I had bought like over the course of ten years,
so it wasn't like an extravagant thing. But I almost
got sick. I'm like, why do I need three pairs
of black flat boots? It makes no sense? Like when

(41:40):
does this happen? I'm like, I feel stifled by all
the stuff around me, and I didn't feel that way before,
because stuff my eco feel good.

Speaker 1 (41:50):
Right, you know, the more the better, or like newer
the better, or let me get that new version of that,
or like a new black boot, anything like that. I mean,
I even I remember we first started like cooking at home,
and I did not realize how much I enjoyed food
from home, like I actually know what's going in my food,

(42:10):
or I feel better, like I feel healthier. Postmates is
really fucking expensive after a while, although you just don't
realize it. And it's like, I don't want to put
those companies out of business either, But at the same time,
I think when you break it down a little bit, yes,
it is lovely to get to go to dinner with
friends every now and again. Do I need to be

(42:30):
doing it every night. No, And do I need to
be eating, you know, at these extravagant places every night. No,
It's like you can just strip it all down so
much more. And for that I've been very grateful, But
I think it's just now that it's shifting back, it's like, wait,
I can't, Like I can't actually go back. I've learned
too much. It's like once you know, you can't unknow something,

(42:53):
and like there's too much that I know now yet
I haven't quite figured out the new path. And so
it's some my nervous breakdown because it's just not in
line anymore.

Speaker 3 (43:04):
It's so hard, it's so hard to it becomes almost
like a side hustle, right, Like everyone says like have
a day job, but then also have a side hustle.
And I'm like, hey, people have more hours in the
day than I do. Because that's not really a recipe
for success. It's a recipe for running yourself into the ground.
And why aren't we instead saying to people like if

(43:25):
you are financially able. And I know that this comes
from like a very privileged place, because not everyone can
take a break, and not everyone has the means to
get off the hamster. Wheel. But assuming that you do,
assuming that you've worked hard enough and you have a
little nest egg, Like why instead of saying get a
side hustle, do we not say, like you've earned time

(43:46):
to not be doing two things at once, Like why
not just try taking care of yourself for a little
while and see what's born of that space instead of
urging everyone to like find their purpose and have their
income and you know, present perfectly to the outer world,
like it's everything is always multitasking. And for me, at least,

(44:07):
my brain used to operate really well as a multitasker.
It would be I would have said, like on my
life resume, like top five skills, one would be googling
what would be multitasking. I can't do it anymore.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
It's reallywhelming.

Speaker 3 (44:23):
The gears are not grinding the way they used to.
I need to do one thing at a time in
order to feel safe and sane and peaceful, and that
sometimes that comes out as at an expense, because that
train of yes is that you were describing earlier, where
something came in you said yes to it, Like I
operated from that place for a really long time, and

(44:46):
now I'm claiming a lot more of my power by
being like no, like I'm saying no to this so
that I could create space for myself. And I think
that's really hard for people. It's hard for people to
set boundaries because they're always looking at it through the
lens of like what am I saying no to? For me?
One of the big shifts has been like, boundaries aren't

(45:08):
about what you say no to, They're about what you
make space for. And I think we all deserve, especially
after the past few years, to really make some space
for ourselves and as you said, like recalibrate and achieve
a new alignment within ourselves with our world, because it's
not the same world anymore more, and we are not
the same people, So don't we a minute, I think.

Speaker 1 (45:32):
So it's also like we've all had so much trauma
in some capacity in the last couple of years, and
so anything that I know from doing trauma work in
my past is like, that's exhausting, and the grief that
comes from that alone is such a wait, you know,

(45:53):
And so like we again, we're doing ourselves this is
a service by being like, well, let's just get back
to normal. Let's just like go back, And it's like whoa,
but like, let's what about the processing, like what happened
to you and like how did that affect how you
operate now or like how you see the world or
how you see people. And I mean, I've lost friendships
over all the political stuff, I've lost relationships at work.

(46:16):
I've lost like all these things that they really hurt.
And there's a lot that goes into that. And I
am a type of person where I want to kind
of look into the whys. And I know not everybody
operates that way, but that's exhausting. And so I've been
trying to do that and heal myself and get back

(46:37):
to work in the multitasking way that you're talking about.
And I should be clear too, like I still have
to work, and I'm still going to go do my
day job, which is you know, hair and makeup and
styling because I have to pay my bills. But it's
the side hustles and all that stuff that I'm like,
do I have to do this right now?

Speaker 3 (46:56):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (46:56):
They bring an income. Yes, it scares the fuck out.
I mean to put it down, and like what if
I come back and everyone's like, wait, who, why do
we care what you say anymore? You know, that's really
scary to me because I've worked really hard to build this.
But I also have to say to myself, if you're
performing at this like less than half capacity that you
have been and continue to do that, what kind of

(47:19):
product are you even? Like, what are you even giving people?
Because I'm not.

Speaker 3 (47:23):
That's what I was going to say, Like, Yeah, there's
a lot of integrity in what you're doing right now.
This decision you're making comes from a place of integrity.
And people these days, especially consumers, whether it's consumers of
products or services or content, they can sniff out when
someone's not being authentic and they are off it and

(47:44):
in the same vein like when they see that someone's
acting from a place of integrity, they celebrate it, they
support it, They hold you up, and they wait for you.
That's like, that's what I experience with my business is
like I just didn't sell anything for six months, and
I would get emails from people saying, like I would

(48:06):
tell them, I'm not selling the self left pinky ring.
Why don't you go buy a ring from someone else
and make this commitment to yourself. It's about the commitment,
it's not about the ring. And they would literally say
to me, no, it's okay. I'll wait. I'll wait just
in case you open up again. I want one of yours.
And I attribute that to the fact that I acted

(48:28):
with integrity, Like it takes integrity to pause, it takes
integrity to tell somebody like, go get it from somewhere else,
and people feel that. And I think for you, as
long as you're honest about what's going on to the
degree that you want to be, like, you don't owe
anybody anything. You don't owe anybody this explanation. But you know,

(48:50):
the future holds unlimited and infinite possibility for us, and
the only thing that stands in the way of that
is our fear. Like when we are fearful and limited
in our thinking, doors closed that we otherwise may have
had open for us, but we can't even see them
because we're so fearful. And I think that's you know,

(49:13):
it's all energetic, Like if the energy you put out
is no one's going to wait for me on the
other end of this, then no one will wait for you.
But if the energy is like the right, people will
reconnect with me when I'm ready. They will reconnect with
you when you're ready. And what you will create will
be even more profound because it will come from a
place of wellness and truth instead of burnout and obligation.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
God. The fear place is definitely the place I think
I've been operating from for I don't even know how
long anymore. So I think that that is completely accurate.
And when I really think about it, I'm like that
goes for relationships, like jobs I've taken, things I've undertaken,
just in general, And it's like, you're right, think the

(50:00):
universe always does for me maybe what I can't do
for myself until I finally get the picture of like, oh,
that wasn't meant for me, and it feels so harsh
at the time. But I think that when I'm making
decisions out of fear, I will always bump up against
this isn't in line, Like it's just not in line,
and so that door is going to close because the

(50:20):
foundation is faulty, like it's not actually rooted in something
that is meant for me and in line, and just
like the flow is not there and I can't even
remember the last time I felt the flow because I've
been operating from fear for so long.

Speaker 3 (50:36):
Because of the flow it's like I said earlier, like
that flow, that creativity, it's born of your intuition. And
right now your intuition has no breathing room. You know,
all the oxygen in the room is being sucked up
by fear or ego or burnout, you know. And the
good thing is, like you never lose your intuition, the

(50:57):
same way you never lose your true self. It's always there.
It's just hidden right now under a lot of dust.
And what you need is, you know, some joyful spring cleaning.
And I think that I don't know, I'm happy for you.
I know it's really scary like that you've put your
heart and soul into and you've done really well with

(51:19):
because even your like operating at fifty percent is so incredible,
Like I don't think anybody would have known that you
were not operating at one hundred percent. But you'll never
know like how good you can feel, like how much
better you can feel than the way you feel now
if you don't create space for that.

Speaker 1 (51:40):
Well, we keep using the term mental health break, which
actually you gave me and you didn't even know you
gave me, but you said that in a message, and
I was like, oh, that yes, that is what I need.
And I was actually listening to a podcast today. I
was on Oprah podcast. I'm always like such a fan
of hers. But they were talking about just kind of
what you mentioned earlier. Maybe this was the point that

(52:00):
I forgot to mention, but you had said something about
when it's a physical ailment, like we go to the doctor,
we pause, if you're not feeling well, you get in bed,
and you nurse yourself back to health, and why they
were saying, like, we never consider that with our mental health,
and like the reality is is when your mental health

(52:21):
starts to go, we don't even realize how many physical
ailments are tied into that. And so I mean, if
a break is what you need, that's what you need.
If you need therapy, that's what you need. It's like
figuring out what it is that you need to get
in touch with what you're feeling so that we can
perform at our higher capacities. But I wanted to ask you, like,
what does a mental health break look like? Like what

(52:44):
you know, because that's such a vague term, but like
what does it look like for you?

Speaker 3 (52:49):
I'll tell you I'm someone who it's really easy for
me to get in this cycle where all I do
is check emails, work. Yeah, and in this like very
matrix like exit where I'm not moving my body, I'm
not disconnected from electronics. I'm like just go, go, go
all the time. And so for me, a mental health

(53:09):
break meant getting off the computer, getting off my phone,
not having emails to check, not having work. That was
due to other people where I felt like this pressure
like someone's waiting for something, and then being a therapist
eating completely differently, and I can, we can do a

(53:31):
whole episode about the food piece of mental health because
I have recently been diagnosed with hashimotos, which is an
auto disorder. And I thought that all these years that
I had slight depression or brain fog or body pain,
like I just thought like that's just my status quo.
And I'm realizing now that I've been making myself sick

(53:54):
because of all the food I've been eating. So like
all those comfort foods that I thought were making me
feel better, like cheeseburger or spaghetti bollonaise, were actually like
slowly like robbing me of my zest for life, my energy,
my joy, my sex drive, my mental acuity. And I
think so many of us have probably eaten really poorly recently,

(54:15):
And I wonder if that's another reason why we all
feel like shit, is we're all inflamed and we're all sluggish,
and it's not just about waking Like I'm happy to
gain weight if I'm happy, but I just feel like
heavy in my soul. And ever since I've changed my
diet because of this diagnosis, I feel like the electricity

(54:39):
is starting to come back, and my brain and my body,
like even my desire, like it's all waking up. So
for me, I did this back in twenty nineteen when
I went on that mental health break, like I ate better.
During that time, I walked more, I started working out
with a trainer, Like I never invested in my wellness

(55:02):
the way I invested, for example, in my house, Like
if my sink breaks in the kitchen, you better believe
the plumbers here within two hours. If I feel like
I've lost my mobility after giving birth, Like how long
do you think it took me to actually go see
a doctor to talk about the fact that I have
lost the mobility, Like it didn't even dawn on me

(55:23):
until I took that break to like do it just
like a head to toe assessment, I'd be like, how
am I doing? Am I happy? Do I even know
what makes me happy? I literally had to start writing
a list in my phone called my joy List, so
that when I felt even sparks of happiness, I would
write down what caused it, because I could not answer

(55:44):
the question at that time, what makes you happy? What
makes you joyful? I'd be like, crickets, I have no idea.
So I started this list, and it's something you could
do too, my joy list, and it would be things
like my rip jeans like that made me joyful, or
having someone give me a cup of coffee in the

(56:04):
morning like that made me joyful. You know, really mundane things.
But there were glimmers throughout my day where I did
feel moments of joy, and until I documented them, I
didn't even know that they were happening. So, for me,
my mental health break was being here now in my body,
in the present moment and feeling what needed to be felt,

(56:25):
and healing what needed to be healed, whether it was
emotional or physical or spiritual. And I started writing and
honoring that, like honoring what I was feeling in the
moment and getting it on paper is what has truly
changed my life in a way that I never could
have anticipated if I had stayed on the hamster wheel forever.

(56:49):
And I think my hope is that by sharing all
of this and like being candid about what I've been
through and what I've discovered, I can help other people
take the pause, like take that powerful pause, make that shift,
and reclaim themselves and feel at home in their bodies
instead of feeling like in prison.

Speaker 1 (57:09):
Yeah, well you're already helping me. I mean, he gave it.
It was just I'm telling you, these are the moments
where you're like, thank you, Universe, and I remember that
someone else is working for me and I don't need
to work so hard, like it's it's literally I was
having that moment. My friends had convinced me finally that

(57:30):
I needed to take a break and a pause and
it was gonna be okay. But I was like, oh,
maybe I'll just do like a week or two or
you know, like I don't know. I just didn't And
then you messaged me out of the blue, like I
haven't talked to you in a while, and it just
was the exact right message for me to get to
let myself off the hook and be like, wait, Melody

(57:50):
has this business and it's amazing, and she comes back
and like you left, you leave it for a minute,
and you come back and it's there, I know, and
still thriving. And then you've got another book that you
wrote and it doesn't like I even just in the
hearing of what you did during your time, I'm intuitively

(58:11):
or instinctually doing those things. Like someone asked me this morning,
what does your day look like? And I actually, for
the first time, felt really great to be like, well,
I'm gonna go to this yoga class. And then I
was like and then I'm talking to a friend later,
like I had this call scheduled and that was pretty
much about it. A couple invoices I still need to
send out, you know, but like I'm gonna do those

(58:32):
throughout the week, and I don't feel this like my
day isn't so stacked back to back to back. And
I used to feel shame about that, Like if someone
would ask me and I didn't have a lot going on,
I felt embarrassed. And it's like we just glamorize that
or just praise that, like it's so great that you're
so back to back to back, that you don't have

(58:52):
a chance to eat, or you're eating in your car
between meetings, and I'm like, why why are we saying
that that is the way to live, Because it's the
way to get a lot of stuff done until you
get to where I got or where you sound like
you got, and you can't do anything anymore.

Speaker 3 (59:06):
Oh you, because you if you don't take up space
in your life, your life will kick you out. And
that's what happened to me. I felt like, okay, like
I've constructed this beautiful world and then I woke up
one morning and I didn't see myself in it. And
I keep having this happen like every few years, and

(59:27):
I have to do the work and I have to
do the check in. So, like you said earlier, it's
a journey. And it doesn't mean like self love is
not a destination. It's not something you suddenly recognize you
feel and then you're healed forever. But for me, like
the words self love have become like a compass, And
as long as I remember those that phrase, like am

(59:50):
I practicing self love? That's how I know, Like, okay,
like am I taking up space for myself? Am I joyful?
Am I enjoying this very limited time we have on
that planet, or am I just going through the motions
and then waking up two years later, because that's what
I don't want. I'm also someone who like, when I
am experiencing trauma, I forget, like that's how I heal

(01:00:12):
as I just like shut off those memories. And there
are so many years that I just are hazy for me,
and I don't want to go through that anymore, Like
I want a course correct sooner. To use that phrase again.
And it sounds like for you, like this might be
the first time you're doing this. Now that you've done it,

(01:00:33):
maybe next time you'll be like feeling a little off.
I'm going to like plan a week off and maybe
at that time even just having a finite week off
will be enough. But for now, like I would urge
you not to put an end mark on it, Like
don't say this is for a week, or for a
month or for two months. Allow yourself the opportunity to

(01:00:57):
go into the unknown with joy and see what happens.

Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
Yeah, thank you for giving me that permission. Sometimes I
need it for my friends. Yeah, I need y'all to
say it first so that I can go wait, oh,
that's an option, you know, like I just won't give
myself those options. But okay, tell us about because you
mentioned you wrote a new book, and he's got really excited.
Can you tell us.

Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
Oh, I'm going to give a very abbreviated version, and
we're going to I have to pick this up because
my son's school gets out in one minute.

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
Figured.

Speaker 3 (01:01:29):
But the story is that during that time in twenty nineteen,
when I took that time off, I was really drawn
to write poetry. When I was a kid, I always
wrote poetry, and I, you know, after I went to
law school and I started working like that part of
me kind of died and it was during the break
that it was reborn. So I started writing poetry. And
then when the pandemic started at that same time, I thought,

(01:01:52):
you know what, I'm going to turn this poetry I've
been writing over the past few years into a book.
And that book has called Self Lift Poetry for Thinkers
and Feelers. It's one hundred pairs of poems, each on
a central theme related to self love. And what's cool
about the book is that the left side of every
page is for left brain thinkers, and the right side
of every page it's for right brain feelers, and so

(01:02:14):
you get this dual experience. And I self published this
book a year ago in October, and it did so
well that a publisher reached out to me and acquired
it along with two other books. And we just republished
Self Love Poetry this past week. And it's a dream
come true, Like I'm going to be able to go

(01:02:35):
into a bookstore and get my book off a shelf.
So I'm pinching myself. But the true gift in it
is that this is the truest version of me, like
what you see on these pages, and even the dedication
in the book. I'll read the dedication because it kind
of tells you everything you need to know. It says,

(01:02:56):
dedicated to my childhood self, a thoughtful, heart forward girl
who wrote poetry to make sense of her outer and
inner worlds. Melody, we did it, We did it.

Speaker 1 (01:03:05):
Oh, I don't gonna cry.

Speaker 3 (01:03:07):
I'm like carry because and you know, when I wrote
this book, like I really there was no ego in
any of it, Like I didn't really care anymore, Like
I didn't wait for a publisher, I didn't care who
was going to buy it. I was so proud of
the parts of me that are reflected in this book
that I just knew I had to get it out there,

(01:03:29):
and the universe was kind of like high five, like
you did this for the right reasons, and we're going
to reward you. And now like the publisher is going
to come to you. Because ten years ago, when I
wrote my first book, it was a spy thriller. I
sent it out to seventy five agents and publishers and
no one cared. And because no one external validated me,
I thought that that chapter of my life was over.

(01:03:50):
I'm like, Okay, well, I guess I'm not a writer.
And this my self love journey has been about realizing
like I don't need anyone's validation to write, like I
do this for me. And this book, you see it, right,
it's just like a heart forward, like it's my heart
and two hundred pages and my only hope is that

(01:04:12):
when people read it, it brings them home to themselves.
And I am really excited because the ABC's of Self Love,
which I had also previously self published, a new edition
is coming out in January. It's illustrated, it's a full journal.
It's so beautiful and it's like the fullest realization of
what I try to do when I first wrote it

(01:04:32):
in twenty eighteen. And then The Shift, which I'm currently writing,
is a poetry book that's all about the old way
of thinking versus the new way of thinking about all
different things. And the Pause, you know, is something that
I am definitely going to be talking about in there.
That's going to come out in September. So three books
in one year next September. Yeah, that one, okay, The

(01:04:56):
Self Love Poetry is out now, These comes out in January,
and then that one will come out next year. But
the totality of all of that, and the reason that
I share it is that it was all born during
a time of incredible stillness and authenticity. It was only
when I was willing to give up everything that I

(01:05:17):
thought I needed that I discovered what I actually have
within myself. And I think that's my parting message to
you is you have a lot right now that you've
built that you think you need, but you don't have yourself,
And that is the true gift is can you give
yourself to you and see what you can create from

(01:05:38):
that space of self love and wholeness.

Speaker 1 (01:05:43):
That's what I need.

Speaker 3 (01:05:44):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:05:45):
Thanks for listening to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson,
where we believe everyone has a little velvet and a
little edge. Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty
and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.