If it’s done it’s right

Let others do things in their own way

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Today's tip is to keep unhelpful feedback to yourself. When
a roommate or partner or kid performs a task, you're
best off thanking them rather than critiquing how they did it.

(00:27):
In other words, if it's done, it's right now. I
know my listeners, and if you are listening to this podcast,
I'm betting that you have a clearer vision of how
you want your household to run. You have high standards,
you value efficiency, You've no doubt thought a lot about
logistics and the best possible way to do things. But

(00:50):
right now you may have more responsibilities and less help
at home than usual. If grocery shopping or other household
tasks felt like a black hole of time before this
year's pandemic, well they may be even more time consuming now.
So with increased demands in a challenging environment, we need
to be realistic about what we can do and sensible
about how we share responsibilities. A lot of households have

(01:13):
rethought chores, and I think that's great. Of course, there's
an inevitable side effect after reallocating chores. Your partner, kids,
or roommates may be responsible for tasks that, well, in
your opinion, may not be done perfectly. You may be
tempted to coach them on how to fit the most
dishes in the dishwasher, or you may be inclined to

(01:35):
demonstrate how to fold shirts. Your partner might mix up
the order of the activities in the bedtime routine, and
you might want to remind him of your correct order.
But don't, because if it's done, it's right. If something
happened to you, your family would probably figure out how
to run the household in your absence, So let them

(01:56):
do their part in contributing to the household you share. Now.
I know that sometimes this is easier said than done,
but there are lots of ways to think about how
other people do the work. Sometimes a task performed wrong,
maybe a result of different assumptions. If you put milk
on the grocery list, you may know that that usually

(02:17):
means a half gallon of one percent organic milk. But
if the person doing the grocery shopping comes home with
a gallon of conventional skim milk, well, so what you'll
drink it next week? You can be more precise on
the grocery list, but in the meantime, try to appreciate
their work grocery shopping. If your kids legitimately need help

(02:39):
or coaching on new chores they've taken on, great offer help,
but don't underestimate what they can figure out for themselves.
If you're inclined to get involved, give your child some
agency by letting them choose your role. Would it be
helpful if I showed you how I wash baking dishes
with food stuck on, you might say, Or if you

(02:59):
want suggestions for what temperature to use for any of
the laundry, just let me know that way. The responsibility
is your child's and you're a resource. They have the
autonomy to accept or decline your help. If there are
tasks that are really important to you or that you
want done your way, then do them yourself. A lot

(03:21):
of people have strong opinions about how to wash their
nice clothes, for example, and if that's you in the
household division of labor, offer to do that part of
the laundry. The big idea, though, is to realize that
your household is shared. It's not just your home, so
when someone else has responsibility for a household task. Respect

(03:41):
their way of doing it, even if it's different from yours.
If it's done, it's right. We're all in this together,
and it's good when we can appreciate everyone's contribution. In
the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and here's
to making the most of our time. M Hey, everybody,

(04:06):
I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod
that's B the number four, then Breakfast p o D.
You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast
podcast at i heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast

(04:29):
is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much,
I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is
a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from
my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.