August 6, 2019 • 43 mins
In preparation for Beth leaving town for a wedding, Peter and Beth record a night early, much later than usual and after an incredibly bumpy Uber ride. Does Peter make it through the recording? It’s debatable. Also, Bryn and Maeven chime in… mostly about farts.
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Hello, Welcome to We Knows Parenting. I'm Peter McNerney and
Beth Nowell, and I am incredibly car stick. I just
took a very nice, very nice Uber. So you're going
out of town tomorrow, so we're recording a night early
and it's later the normal, and you just had a
(00:34):
very long day and I was rushing home, so I
got in Uber and it was the bountiest fucking thing.
I'm so sorry for my vulgarity, but I might leave
in the middle of this to throw up, but there's
no other time, so we're doing it. I got I
was looking at my phone at the beginning, and then
I was just I got so sick. Any sort of
(00:57):
like New York public cars service is like the most
nauseating thing ever because of like the constant turning and
like the smell of the car. It was a really
nice car and really nice man. And then it just
at the end, bouncing you back roads in the woods.
He took the most scenic the woods. Well, you know,
(01:19):
like there's some really dark suburban and he was like,
it's really nice here, thinking that I you know, we're
driving through like Scarsdale, and he's like, wow, really impressed
with me, and I was like, just wait until you
see where I live. It's not here anyway, So this
may be a short episode because of literal vomit. So
(01:44):
my sister and I took the kids to the beach today.
It sounds great. We went to a different beach and
usual and they were bouncing him down in the waves,
which I was not sure if they would be able
to handle. Um and did. They loved it. That's great.
(02:04):
They had a real They had a lot of a
lot of a lot of water this week. Huh, a
lot of water this week? They went to it. They
went to a birthday party. As you all may have heard,
we went to a really epic birthday party that has
vastly out shown our upcoming birthday party plans. I'm not
even gonna try because first of all, we don't know
(02:25):
that many kids. Know they there's a lot of kids there.
I was like, these people are really good at knowing people,
and we are not. They are connectors. The only friends
we have of brinds is um our parents that have
reached out to us to be like, hey, you want
to come over, and we're like, yeah, we're very bad. Well,
(02:47):
so I tried to welcome our new neighbor with um
little hand pies that we baked, and then they weren't home,
and then we got invited to another party where we
brought the hand pies. Now I feel like I've just
ruined the whole introduction to our new nextra neighbors. And
I'm like, you know what, We're just not going to
(03:07):
talk to you for five years straight. That's how it's
going to go. Now. I saw them outside the window.
They seem nice. I mean I ran into the guy
this morning because he dropped something and I gave it
to him. But I was like, I don't have time
to talk about who like, Well, he doesn't quite seem
like the type that's like No, he didn't seem anyway.
(03:27):
He was very polite, quick and then try to leave,
and then I threw in a couple of more. Well,
he's also like busy, he's moving in. He's got like
a lot of stuff to carry. Anyway, what happens if
I do throw up on the podcast? Um, I think
there's a fifty percent chance I will throw up. I
don't know why you would now if you haven't already. Um,
(03:50):
because motion sickness doesn't just stop you don't need. You
get to a tipping point where you're like, oh, it's
going to take a while to come down from this.
And then I just scarf to a bunch of like
the Chinese food you had here, because I thought that
that would settle my stomach. Why didn't you scarf the
healthy dinner that you asked me to make you because
(04:11):
I saw the Chinese first. Um Um, tell me about
the beach. Tell me about that was a long drive?
You went always like rockaways. Yeah, maybe it's like two
hours and I took forever. Um may Haven slept for
part of the ride and then woke up, and then
she was acting kind of saying she was sick, and
(04:34):
they're both saying they were sick, and I was like,
I don't really think you guys are that sick, but
it was. I believe her right now now, I believe her.
There was a lot of stop and go, so then
we're getting there and they're both like losing it. And
my sister had been like, asked me to come to
this place, and she was like, I was like, I
don't know if it's worth it. Like I was like,
is it going to be close to the parking lot?
(04:56):
Because where it's going to be a lot of driving
for them. And then they got a talk and she's like, no,
it'll be great, it'll be perfect. So then she gets
there and she's like, actually, there's no cell phone service
here and our communications are going to be sporadic and confusing.
And then she I she was going to try to
meet me in the parking lot when I got there,
and then her phone was on one percent battery and
(05:17):
it's just like a lot of delayed texts because of
the service. So when I arrived, I was very angry
because the kids were mad. We're in the hottest parking
lot in the world, not knowing where she was, and
I was like carrying a big bag of beach stuff,
and so we're like walking. I gave up on waiting
for the car. I walk over to the sidewalk. We're
(05:39):
waiting there. We don't see her waiting. The kids are
in the hot sun, getting more and more annoyed with me,
and um. Then she got ahold of her friend's phone,
called my dad, had him merge our calls together. She
called me and then finally drew acted me to where
(06:00):
she was. So in spite of that, we had a
very good time. Once we were actually at the beach,
but there was like five or fifteen minutes there where
I was like murder someone. Um yeah, because I was like,
I guess I'm just taking kids to the beach alone.
And for some reason, I drove an hour away and
it's so hot. But then her friends had brought like
(06:22):
a very big, shaded um things and it was great.
I love that. It's perfect. Um, you're going away tomorrow.
M hmm. Are you excited You're going to friends wedding
up in Massachusetts? Um? Yeah, I mean, well it's like
one night, so I am not. It doesn't feel like
(06:43):
how are you getting away? I'm renting a car? What Yeah, Jesus,
no train taking a car. Yeah, I'm a growing up.
I know how to rent a car now. At the
age of thirty three, I figured it out. You're thirty
three years old. Yeah, it's soon to be thirty four.
I keep thinking I'm thirty seven. I think I'm thirty six.
(07:10):
I keep for some reason lately, I feel like it
keeps coming up where I want to say how long
that we've been together as a couple, and then I
just so immediately give up on the math. I can't like, possibly,
it's so easy. We got married. It's been nine years.
But how long have you been dating? Since two thousand
and six fourth of July? So how many years is that?
(07:35):
Are you really impressed with that? Quickly I do that math?
I was amazed, Oh my god. Um so. But I
think part of why I can't do the math is
because as soon as I start thinking about I'm just like,
I don't know. It's been forever. I don't know my
whole goddamn life. It just I can't remember when I
wasn't in this and it wasn't stuck in this quagmire
(08:03):
of of obligations. Yeah, I can't remember not having children?
Uh was that a thing? Did we have fun? You
know what? I can't stand when people are like, can
we not schedule that thing on a on a weeknight?
(08:23):
I don't want to go into the city when they
live in like fucking Brooklyn Heights, And I'm like, do
you understand? There's how much people don't understand you. Tonight
I'm angry in a cliche way, and I try to
(08:44):
avoid the like, oh, all you people without kids, you
don't know how how easy you have it, Because that's
that's a bullshit thing to do. But I'm so sick
right now literally that I want to scream at my
single friends without kids and just say you better enjoy
your fucking freedom and do shit and not complain about it. Well.
(09:05):
I was talking to my mom friends yesterday and I
was like, isn't it crazy that Saturday is not a
day off. It's just like Saturday is now like the
hardest day of the week. You're where you're just constantly
on call to your children. Um, it's better though, now
(09:25):
that we've had more I feel like recently we've had
some more time where we're all home at the same time.
That's nice. I like that much more relaxing to not
be just like feeling like you're constantly pulled out by
two children. But we can go out and do stuff
and it's more fun because this share responsibility. We would
also be home and then like sort of we had
(09:47):
turns on Friday, let's talk about our dinner picnic. Yeah,
let's talk about our dinner picnic. It was a great idea.
Your your idea if I was going to make it
far lazier, and I said, let's go get a pizza
and have a picnic at the playground and I said, no,
screw that. You said no, I bought meats and I
need to cook them. I bought four nights of proteins,
(10:09):
and we are the first. That's what you said, You said,
I have all these proteins. Um. Well, I bought salmon
and scallops and turkey and chicken. And in the first
two nights after I bought them, we didn't cook dinner
for reasons. So I was like, well, now I gotta
do it every single night. Yeah, you're very aggress I
really appreciate you cooking the fish tonight because I was like,
(10:29):
this is the last opportunity to cook this fish. I
it was a very hastily made dinner, but it's like
good enough because I was trying. We ran in from
the beach. I had the presence of mine to order
seamless while driving ten minutes away, and the kids gobbled
(10:52):
up some Chinese food, got in the bathtub, left a
ring of sand in the bathtub, and not a ring,
they left a beach of sand. Well. I pointed out
to Brin and I was like, look how much tand
came off you guys, And he goes, we're going to
need a tub to clean this tub. I was like,
that's really funny. That's like, that is a top to
(11:14):
your joke. I was like, you just came up with
that's a great I got a lot of brain compliments
today from my co workers. Oh yeah, yeah. They said
that he seemed really smart, and I was like, when
he was thinking about dinosaurs on Instagram, is that what
they're referring to? I don't know what he really is
(11:37):
starting to sort of read. Oh, he's completely he's also
just like half pretending though. That's what reading is. M
That is the Peter McNerney school of learning. It's just
it's all pretend. Just experience enough and memorize. You could
just say you're doing it. It's all pretend. That's what
it is. Okay, all right, Um, can we talk about
(12:05):
my turkey burgers. I was really pleased with that. Oh yeah,
but quickly, I want to say, when we're at the beach, also,
a seagull flew by, and he said, oh a chicken
ee um. So he's not that smart actually, but he
sounded like an avid bird bard yellow, like a yellow
breasted warbler. That's a duck. Okay, so you made turkey
(12:29):
burgers for the picnic. They were good. I knew there
would be some critical thing missing in the picnic, even
though you insisted you had napkins and things. And then
we got there and there was no forks. Forks? What
did you need forks for? It was fine, I'm not complaining.
I just I thought it neither be something. You know.
(12:51):
The thing I forgot was a knife because I brought
an avocado to slice avocados on and you forgot all.
I blew that. I intentionally tried to prepare it so
that you would we wouldn't need any forks, did you. Yes.
I thought about it and I was like, I just
need to bring a knife, and then I didn't bring
a knife. Um, oh boy, you don't have brin Okay,
(13:15):
here's something funny Brian said today. Uh, we're jumping around
on the bed and we're watching Spider Man into the
spider Verse. And Brian really loves Spider Ham, who's like
a it's like a cartoon pig spider Man. Anyway, So
he was jumping around and pretending to be Spider Man,
(13:36):
and for some reason he started going, hey Daddy, look
at this, and then you just go jump up and
say human stuff. And then fall on his face on
the mattress, and he thought it was so funny and
he started laughing so hard and he got up and
he's I'm gonna go throw up. M m hm. Well
(14:10):
Peter is now throwing up in the bathroom. Mm hmmm.
This next segment is called did you Knows? It's where
(14:33):
we share some information we find on the internet. Mhm. Hi, guys,
I'm back. Let's not talk about it. Let's not talk
about what just happened. Okay, we're powering through. This is
gonna be a short episode for obvious reasons. But I
heard we're doing great over in this moment, I feel great. Um.
(14:58):
Who knows what will happen in the next ten of
twenty minutes. Um, I heard this the other day on
the radio. I heard this on NPR, so that's a lie.
I did not find this on the internet. And boy
did I relate because this is about beards. You're ready
for this, Beth, my love. UM So, in general, men
(15:24):
with beards or any people with beards, Uh, when people
see them, they tend to see um. It tends to
make people seem both older and stronger. And this is
true with kids too. You know, they did this study
where they showed kids a bunch of pictures of the
(15:46):
same guy, one with one picture without a beard, and
one picture with a beard, and they said, which of
these people is older and which of these people is stronger?
And kids, like a doll, picked the bearded man because
it's a sign, you know, masculinity. Um and Uh. I
(16:08):
was like, that sounds great. It works for me because
I am old and strong. Uh. But something that was
really interesting is that kids preferred no beards. They were
more comfortable with faces with no beards until about puberty,
at which point then kids started to really like beards. Um.
(16:34):
And I thought that was fascinating that there's this clearly
this evolutionary trait too when you are young and helpless, Uh,
to instinctually not trust beards. Do you think that that
means that kids hate you kids love me? I think
(16:57):
it is, like, you know, it does make sense for
a hunter gatherer babies to be suspicious of beards because
people with beards are the most likely weirdos to murder
them and steal them. The faces without beards are less
are less threatening. It's young people and women. Back then,
men would just kind of like drop in from time
(17:17):
to time, which like might have been a better set
up involved. Well, clearly not because they evolved to be
wary of those bearded faces. Um, but yeah, do you
think do you think my kids like my beard? I
think they do. You're a big beard, lady. That sounded
(17:43):
like you're a beard. I'm a lover of beards. I
think a beard improves almost every face. In my opinion
about your face, yeah, I do think if I could,
it could be fun to have a beard. How much
of that was the serious statement? I don't. I think
(18:06):
if I was a guy, I would have a beard
for sure. You definitely would like it would be great.
You know what I think? When I realized that you
were we started dating, I did not have a beard,
and then I quickly did because of you. And I
(18:27):
gotta say, you're you showing me a desire for for
like hairy bearded men, namely me. Really, it's always made
me feel good about myself, and he made me feel
older and stronger. Even when I was pressuring you into
(18:48):
non shaving and you were fighting me on it, I
liked having a beard. I was just shaving a beard
is fun, not anymore. The last few times I shaved
my beard. I was like, like, she was right, this
is a dumb fat face. Look, this guy looks sick.
Also the balder I get when I shaved my beard
off hose, just like there's nothing on my head now,
(19:11):
little bully, Yeah, you look like a baby that only
children would trust. And now I'm a man of whom
children are weary. Yes, Um, are there? Okay? Are the
kinds of beards that you think are better than others?
What's a really good kind of beard? I like them? All? Um,
(19:36):
all of them. There's ugly beard. There's sometimes people have
really blonde beards that are weird depending on the shape
and size. Um, just because you don't know where it
starts and where it ends. I mean generally, I think
blond people are untrustworthy and it's hard to wow. Okay,
shot fired blondies. Keep in mind, our daughter maybns blonde,
(20:00):
I know, and I'm working through my trust issues with
blond people via her. This is something I've never heard
from you. I just who who? What blonde person wrongs? You?
Look at them? All right? Just like what is this?
That was another weird mutation that only kids had blonde
(20:20):
hair and blue eyes. And then some like Scandinavians thousands
of years ago. I had a mutation that made it
so that their hair didn't get dark, and so it
makes them all look younger, like babies. And you don't
trust that because you like older and stronger, right, um
well yeah, and also like the whole Aryan race thing. Oh,
(20:45):
you don't like blond people because of Nazis. I sure
blame all blond I don't blame all blond people. I
just think when she's like that's going down, there's blonde
people involved. You just think blond people have gotten a
free ride for too long. Yeah, they have blonde privilege.
(21:06):
It's not like they're not all bad. They're not. Being
blond doesn't make you bad. You're just more likely to
be bad if you're blonde. Is that what you're saying.
I just think if you're like, um uh, the most
dangerous president we have, you have sort of a weird, creepy,
fake blonde thing going on. So I don't even see
(21:28):
that as blonde. I don't know what that is. It's
trying to be blonde. It's trying to retain the blondness
of youth. Okay, these make a lot more sense. So
you're connecting blondness to political Listen. I could go on
about this all night. Let's we can't connect all the threads,
(21:49):
but they're there. Oh, you know, it doesn't make a
lat of sense now. I'm just I'm just remembering in
our bedroom that all those images you have on the
wall with red thread eyeing them all together into a map.
And every time I come in you're working on and
you say, leave me alone. I've almost cracked it. Does
this have to do that? If you had a map
like that, why do you need the threads to tie
(22:11):
everything together? Like everything there is clearly connected as part,
Like it's like a family tree. You don't want to
forget exactly where those lines are. You don't just need
random lines connecting everything. Um, I gotta say the red
lines are the thing I connect with the most. When
I see an insane you would, I'm like, oh, I
(22:34):
love that. There's rules. You're like, I'm getting a whole
story here. It's telling me where to look. I got
to shoot a commercial where I was that guy looking
at the board with all the strings, and being on
that set made me really happy. I have never seen
(22:55):
this commercial. It was part of that Super Bowl commercial Anyway, anyway,
I was in the super Bowl commercial. Do you guys
know Humble Brag? It was years ago? Okay, well, I
think we can wrap up. This segment covered a lot
of graph It would be really funny if I had
to go through up again. That would be a great
way to end a segment. If you're blonde and are
(23:19):
evil or feel that this, If you're a blond, I
think you can understand why I'm going to You know,
I think twice before trusting you think they could understand
that I do. Yeah, all right, well, blond people, I
think you're great. I think you're great. So um, I
(23:44):
understand white women have done a lot of dumb things.
And so if I walk in a room and someone's like,
like take something out of context and just rolling their
eyes at me, I'm like, I get it. I get it.
Why you would be that way. It makes sense. The
evidence is there. I literally have no idea what you're
talking about right now. I'm just saying why blonde people
(24:06):
should understand why I feel this way as a general vibe,
I'm not I understand this is not true in all case.
I just realized one of your one of our closest
friends is blondel Yeah, and she knows I've had to
overcome some prejudice and you've done that for her, for her,
she should thank you. She taught me a lot. This understands.
(24:30):
There explains a lot of the tension that's clearly evident
between you and Maven every time I see you together. Oh,
I think we really learned something. And this did You
knows a good bonds are bad and that was time
(24:51):
for what they knows. This is where we talk to
our kids and we find out things right for this Yes,
here we go. Okay, now I want to ask you guys.
You know Brind's birthday? Bring your birthday is coming up? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah, we don't kick those kick those handles. That's
(25:12):
too loud in the microphone. Your birthday is coming up, Brind?
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah. How old are you going
to be? Sick? You are a liar. You're not gonna
be six, So you're gonna be five? No? Two? Whoa?
You just change your mind? You said six, now you
said ten. I'm gonna be I'm drenk. Wow, you're old.
(25:35):
What do you want to do for your birthday? Like TV?
So if you can do anything, if you could do
anything for your birthday? You'd want to watch TV? All right?
What else do you want? I'm present and you want presents? Okay,
(25:56):
oh maybe it's falling down. What kind of presence do
you want? Huh? Remote? You want a remote control for
a TV? You know? I want a remote control for
one of my presents. Or you want one of your
presents to have a remote or to be a remote,
(26:19):
to be a remote? And I could tell you you
guys to be up here and a and a computer.
You want a computer? What would you do with a computer? Brand?
I work on it and it's gonna be your computer.
So you want my computer for your birthday? Brend? Tell
(26:41):
me when daddy does work on his computer, what do
you think the work actually is? Puppies? That's what you
think I do. I just go on the computer and
I write our our puppies, puppies, puppies. Yes, Why would
(27:02):
I do so? Ghosts? Ghost? And then do I send
that to somebody? Who do I send it to? Nick?
I said to your your favorite comedian, Nick Nellis. Why
do you think Nick is so funny? It's hard to explain.
(27:24):
I don't want to do it now, all right? Who
do you want to come to your birthday? I'm Sis Cyrus.
You get Lucas, nobody else, nobody else, just Sika and
maven Man. What do you are? Not inviting you because
you're because you're already here. You're all going to be
(27:47):
because you're already going to be here. It's a good point.
You don't need an invitation because you live here already,
so you will be here. Would you like to be
invited anyway? Mabn Oh, you know what invit you? Maybe?
Do you have any hopes for Brind's birthday? Are you
excited about Brin's birthday? What do you want? And I
(28:15):
the name banana? Please? What a banana for Brind's birthday?
Or just right now? Right now? What is your favorite food?
You eat a lot of bananas. You also eat avocados,
now right? You like avocados with a spoon. You just
(28:38):
coughed in my face? Oh now you think it's funny.
Tell me what other foods do you like? Apple? Yes? Yeah, buddy,
Well we're doing an interview here. You made a card? No,
(29:00):
I it's just open. Oh so you folded a piece
of paper into the shape of a card and that
and when I like this Yeah, this is just drop.
I put it like, Wow, it's a really good card.
Are you gonna write on it? Yeah? Firthday to do
like open open, You did it amazing. When are you?
(29:26):
When is your next birthday? Do you know when your birthday? Oh?
You're coughing in my face? Work? Do you know the
date of your birthday? You know your birthday is May first? Right?
You just farted on me and coughed in my face
at the same time. Are you proud? Are you proud?
(29:51):
Do you want to be to? You? Ask for it?
Who's smiling? So that again you're gonna eat some Life
Cereal into the micrope Alright, so Brandon, this is the birthday. Okay,
very good the birthday interview. Last question, who would be
the most surprising person to show up to your birthday? Yeah? Nick?
(30:20):
Well maybe s falling off the chair? Um okay, um,
all right, Well everyone's sliding off of my lap and
is eating Life Cereal and doesn't want to be interviewed anymore.
So before we go, I have one more question for
both Maven and Britain. While Brand has a mouthful of
(30:43):
Life Cereal, the question is how what's one word brand
you would use to describe yourself dinosaur? Okay, cool, all right,
Maybe get some life cereal and then come back over
here to them microphone. Okay, now you have a whoa,
(31:04):
you bumped into a table, you fell down with a
mouthful life there you'll come here that Tell me? How
would you? What's one word you would use to describe yourself?
Are you a cow? Maybe? I forgot to tell you
right now? You have face paint on from yesterday which
(31:27):
we didn't totally wash off, and you have a unicorn face.
Do you love your unicorn horn? Yeah? I see it.
It's beautiful. Tell me tell us what hair it was?
Under your hair, under your bangs? Yeah? All right? Well
should we uh say goodbye to the fine folks listening?
(31:49):
Fart by boom boom and fart by? You heard it
here first? How about you say by chism? How should
I say bye? You have a catchphrase fart by. Everyone
knows that you say fart by. That's your thing, that's
how would say by? And even high? Would you like?
(32:14):
Would be high? Like that? Forty? And then fart bye?
You say fart nice to see you, fart to see
you later, fartt la vista baby um or so what
should Daddy's thing be? What should how should Daddy sign off?
(32:35):
Horse by? Horseby? How does Maven say goodbye in a
special you just gargle all right? Horse by? Everybody? Well? Adorable? Um.
(32:58):
The one thing that I pulled out of their bath
that I wanted to talk about is the fact that Brin,
after going to this birthday party, this lavish pool party
for a three year old with dozens of kids, he
said that he only wants two people at his birthday party.
And you know what, I am fine with that. Yeah,
(33:20):
I mean who else would you invite? Well, that was
my concern, but that Brin was like, no, no, yeah,
I have the same idea as you give me two friends.
He has like two friends, so that makes sense. It's cool. Um.
I also, I'd like to just take an opportunity to
thank everyone who wrote in with birthday present ideas. There's
(33:40):
some really good ones. Oh yeah, someone on Twitter gave
me a good recommendation for one of those little Polaroid
cameras and so we ordered that and I'm excited. Um,
that's great. Um. While we're talking about it, I'm just
gonna read these quick birthday gift ideas. M Rachel wrote
in said you should get Brin a keywie crate for
(34:03):
his birthday. Their stem projects designed for kids, a whole
age range of age options available. Uh, and they sponsor
a lot of podcasts. So I looked up. I looked
this up. You're wary of it because it's a lot
of stuff. Oh, this was like the subscription thing where
(34:24):
you get a lot of little things all the time.
And and I might circle back and try to convince
you of this because they send like these little science
slash art projects and you were worried that it was
like wasteful, but these all looks like recyclable things. Worried
about how a constant influx of tiny pieces of things
into the home that he's instantly going to just disperse
(34:45):
and lose. And then I think these are things that
are not meant to last, so you can throw them away,
and you should. It's like paper, but toys just proliferate,
and they have little pieces of junk in every toy bin.
And it's just I don't want all this extra stuff
all right. It takes up space, it's bad for the environment.
I'm just a little weary. I haven't looked at these
(35:08):
specific well all I'm saying is check it out, because
I just don't know if he's old enough to appreciate
it without like flinging it into the corners of the rooms.
They've got subscription services for all ages. Check it out.
Rachel wrote in and told us about it, and I
appreciate that and so, um, we'll look into it, Rachel.
Here's the other one more thing. Colleen wrote in to say,
(35:32):
love the podcast. A book recommendation for Brinn since you
mentioned he's into the planets, especially Pluto is a place
for Pluto by Steph Wade. My four year old digs it. Um,
thanks Colleen, you know what. I am going to look
into it haven't yet, but will that does sound very
much up Brin's alley. Um, can I quickly talk about
(35:55):
how our kids like to look at the back of
the books they've just at bedtime and make me name
every book that is also for sale and then the
quest that I order the book right then and there?
Have you ever done that? No? But I tried to
explain to brand that he might get some for his
birthday and he's like, okay, but just put it in now.
(36:15):
Like he's trying. He's trying to find the words for order,
but he doesn't know. He's like, you like your phone,
deliver the book like he's like, he's very yeah, anyway,
isn't that a crazy thing? They know that, they know
that anything they want is the ve just come to
the door if we just press a button on her. Anyway,
(36:41):
I didn't. I tried to get brand to understand the
concept of like getting paid for a chore today because
my friend was telling me she was doing with her
daughter and they had spilled cereal all over the floor,
and I was like, if you pick this up, I'll
give you a quarter for your piggy bank. And he goes,
there's already plenty in my piggy bank. He's certainly does
not understand the value of money. No, he doesn't their
(37:04):
decorations to him. I tried to explain it to him,
like how it has to add up over time, and
he just instantly was like, not paying attention to me.
We should take him the store to buy something so
he sees how it works. Not yet, I don't care.
I'm gonna throw up. This has been did you know?
Did you hear? Who knows? There? The kids are talking
(37:38):
well before we go. I just wanted to take an opportunity.
We're gonna call this one a little short today for
very obvious reasons. Um, But last week or the week before,
forget when we changed our call to say leave us
a review no longer do we want a very exc
(38:00):
podcast for parents to be the line of your review.
We changed it to this podcast got me pregnant. And
do you know what, once again, you beautiful listeners came through.
And how many I'm looking at the right right now. Uh,
this podcast got me pregnant. One, This parenting podcast got
(38:24):
me pregnant. Great, um in a sea of seriousness, that's
a good amount. The earnest one. This podcast got me pregnant.
This podcast got me pregnant, This regnant, This podnant got
me pregnant. That's a bunch. But there's one I'd like.
How many was that? Six? Or seven? This one from
our friend Matt, who who wrote in originally about the
(38:46):
round robin tournament of things kids like um that we
we did really went all out. Everyone was great. But Matt,
here we go. I'm gonna read this review. I've never
read a review before. We hear ago really tried but
couldn't get my wife pregnant with this podcast. The mood
(39:11):
was set. Three year old teeth were brushed, his pjs
on tucked into bed, now fast asleep. Toys were cleaned up,
dishes were done, dirty clothes all in the hamper. The
bedroom lights were dimmed, a candle was lit a safe
distance from the bed and anything flammable, and the bluetooth
(39:31):
speaker was cued up and ready. My beautiful wife sauntered in,
wearing only her favorite maternity pants. Wearing only her favorite
maternity pants and a Golden State Warrior's T shirt, which,
as we don't like basketball and have never been to
northern California, neither of us was really, ever, really sure
(39:55):
where it came from. I quickly popped open a bottle
of her favorite eight all are junice wine. I can't read,
We're not cultured, and poured into two glass these glasses
from the night stands. I just threw up. I just
(40:15):
threw up, and I can't read. So I'm trying to
do a sexy place. I think they were only used
once for water. Should be clean, these glasses I'm referring to.
I'm destroyed that sentence. I'm sorry, Matt. The time was right.
I pressed play and we immediately became immersed in the smooth,
(40:36):
dulcet tones of Peter and Beth describing at nauseum their
new bed purchase, as well as to try and trying
to make last minute plans for a birthday party for
their son Brit. I mean, how can people listen to
this in public without casting a sexy scene? Well, I
forgot to mention that we co sleep, so at this
(40:58):
point little Matthew woke up and the other little and
the other little Matthew had to be put away. Wow.
We watched some videos, put out the candle as well
as our hopes of ever being intimate again as well
as our hopes of ever being intimate again, and fell asleep.
All in all a splendid evening. Can't wait to try
(41:19):
again next Tuesday. I'm invested that where do we hold on?
I'm not done. Beth and Peter are seriously awesome podcasters.
They engaged our listeners with a simple mix of comedy,
real lild, information, chemistry, and good dialogue with absolutely no
traces of one person interrupting or talking over the other.
(41:40):
I recommend following them both on Twitter and Instagram for
funny political commentary as well as toads adorbs sharing of
family moments. Are you surprised? I told you to be
quiet and I interrupted you before reading a thing about
how I interrupt you? Um Am, I surprised because I
(42:02):
forgot that was in there, and it surprised me. It's
very funny review everyone. Your reviews are amazing, but you're winning.
You really took the homework assignment. I think we're not
going to do a new homework assignment immediately, but we're
gonna really think of a good one in a couple
of weeks. In the meantime, just keep wowing us with
(42:23):
your reviews. Just surprises. You get the general vibe of
what we're looking for. Anyway, this has been We Knows Parenting.
If you'd like to send a question, share a story,
give us some advice, or a parenting hypothetical fur would
you know segment? You are welcome to email us that
we Knows Pod at gmail dot com or leave a
voicemail at three four seven three eight four seven three
(42:46):
nine six and find us on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook at
we knows Pod. Oh my god, you guys, I'm so
sorry that you had to listen to me. Be so sick.
Your champions and heroes and I love you. Goodbye bye,
do Offen.
Hello, Welcome to We Knows Parenting. I'm Peter McNerney and
Beth Nowell, and I am incredibly car stick. I just
took a very nice, very nice Uber. So you're going
out of town tomorrow, so we're recording a night early
and it's later the normal, and you just had a
(00:34):
very long day and I was rushing home, so I
got in Uber and it was the bountiest fucking thing.
I'm so sorry for my vulgarity, but I might leave
in the middle of this to throw up, but there's
no other time, so we're doing it. I got I
was looking at my phone at the beginning, and then
I was just I got so sick. Any sort of
(00:57):
like New York public cars service is like the most
nauseating thing ever because of like the constant turning and
like the smell of the car. It was a really
nice car and really nice man. And then it just
at the end, bouncing you back roads in the woods.
He took the most scenic the woods. Well, you know,
(01:19):
like there's some really dark suburban and he was like,
it's really nice here, thinking that I you know, we're
driving through like Scarsdale, and he's like, wow, really impressed
with me, and I was like, just wait until you
see where I live. It's not here anyway, So this
may be a short episode because of literal vomit. So
(01:44):
my sister and I took the kids to the beach today.
It sounds great. We went to a different beach and
usual and they were bouncing him down in the waves,
which I was not sure if they would be able
to handle. Um and did. They loved it. That's great.
(02:04):
They had a real They had a lot of a
lot of a lot of water this week. Huh, a
lot of water this week? They went to it. They
went to a birthday party. As you all may have heard,
we went to a really epic birthday party that has
vastly out shown our upcoming birthday party plans. I'm not
even gonna try because first of all, we don't know
(02:25):
that many kids. Know they there's a lot of kids there.
I was like, these people are really good at knowing people,
and we are not. They are connectors. The only friends
we have of brinds is um our parents that have
reached out to us to be like, hey, you want
to come over, and we're like, yeah, we're very bad. Well,
(02:47):
so I tried to welcome our new neighbor with um
little hand pies that we baked, and then they weren't home,
and then we got invited to another party where we
brought the hand pies. Now I feel like I've just
ruined the whole introduction to our new nextra neighbors. And
I'm like, you know what, We're just not going to
(03:07):
talk to you for five years straight. That's how it's
going to go. Now. I saw them outside the window.
They seem nice. I mean I ran into the guy
this morning because he dropped something and I gave it
to him. But I was like, I don't have time
to talk about who like, Well, he doesn't quite seem
like the type that's like No, he didn't seem anyway.
(03:27):
He was very polite, quick and then try to leave,
and then I threw in a couple of more. Well,
he's also like busy, he's moving in. He's got like
a lot of stuff to carry. Anyway, what happens if
I do throw up on the podcast? Um, I think
there's a fifty percent chance I will throw up. I
don't know why you would now if you haven't already. Um,
(03:50):
because motion sickness doesn't just stop you don't need. You
get to a tipping point where you're like, oh, it's
going to take a while to come down from this.
And then I just scarf to a bunch of like
the Chinese food you had here, because I thought that
that would settle my stomach. Why didn't you scarf the
healthy dinner that you asked me to make you because
(04:11):
I saw the Chinese first. Um Um, tell me about
the beach. Tell me about that was a long drive?
You went always like rockaways. Yeah, maybe it's like two
hours and I took forever. Um may Haven slept for
part of the ride and then woke up, and then
she was acting kind of saying she was sick, and
(04:34):
they're both saying they were sick, and I was like,
I don't really think you guys are that sick, but
it was. I believe her right now now, I believe her.
There was a lot of stop and go, so then
we're getting there and they're both like losing it. And
my sister had been like, asked me to come to
this place, and she was like, I was like, I
don't know if it's worth it. Like I was like,
is it going to be close to the parking lot?
(04:56):
Because where it's going to be a lot of driving
for them. And then they got a talk and she's like, no,
it'll be great, it'll be perfect. So then she gets
there and she's like, actually, there's no cell phone service
here and our communications are going to be sporadic and confusing.
And then she I she was going to try to
meet me in the parking lot when I got there,
and then her phone was on one percent battery and
(05:17):
it's just like a lot of delayed texts because of
the service. So when I arrived, I was very angry
because the kids were mad. We're in the hottest parking
lot in the world, not knowing where she was, and
I was like carrying a big bag of beach stuff,
and so we're like walking. I gave up on waiting
for the car. I walk over to the sidewalk. We're
(05:39):
waiting there. We don't see her waiting. The kids are
in the hot sun, getting more and more annoyed with me,
and um. Then she got ahold of her friend's phone,
called my dad, had him merge our calls together. She
called me and then finally drew acted me to where
(06:00):
she was. So in spite of that, we had a
very good time. Once we were actually at the beach,
but there was like five or fifteen minutes there where
I was like murder someone. Um yeah, because I was like,
I guess I'm just taking kids to the beach alone.
And for some reason, I drove an hour away and
it's so hot. But then her friends had brought like
(06:22):
a very big, shaded um things and it was great.
I love that. It's perfect. Um, you're going away tomorrow.
M hmm. Are you excited You're going to friends wedding
up in Massachusetts? Um? Yeah, I mean, well it's like
one night, so I am not. It doesn't feel like
(06:43):
how are you getting away? I'm renting a car? What Yeah, Jesus,
no train taking a car. Yeah, I'm a growing up.
I know how to rent a car now. At the
age of thirty three, I figured it out. You're thirty
three years old. Yeah, it's soon to be thirty four.
I keep thinking I'm thirty seven. I think I'm thirty six.
(07:10):
I keep for some reason lately, I feel like it
keeps coming up where I want to say how long
that we've been together as a couple, and then I
just so immediately give up on the math. I can't like, possibly,
it's so easy. We got married. It's been nine years.
But how long have you been dating? Since two thousand
and six fourth of July? So how many years is that?
(07:35):
Are you really impressed with that? Quickly I do that math?
I was amazed, Oh my god. Um so. But I
think part of why I can't do the math is
because as soon as I start thinking about I'm just like,
I don't know. It's been forever. I don't know my
whole goddamn life. It just I can't remember when I
wasn't in this and it wasn't stuck in this quagmire
(08:03):
of of obligations. Yeah, I can't remember not having children?
Uh was that a thing? Did we have fun? You
know what? I can't stand when people are like, can
we not schedule that thing on a on a weeknight?
(08:23):
I don't want to go into the city when they
live in like fucking Brooklyn Heights, And I'm like, do
you understand? There's how much people don't understand you. Tonight
I'm angry in a cliche way, and I try to
(08:44):
avoid the like, oh, all you people without kids, you
don't know how how easy you have it, Because that's
that's a bullshit thing to do. But I'm so sick
right now literally that I want to scream at my
single friends without kids and just say you better enjoy
your fucking freedom and do shit and not complain about it. Well.
(09:05):
I was talking to my mom friends yesterday and I
was like, isn't it crazy that Saturday is not a
day off. It's just like Saturday is now like the
hardest day of the week. You're where you're just constantly
on call to your children. Um, it's better though, now
(09:25):
that we've had more I feel like recently we've had
some more time where we're all home at the same time.
That's nice. I like that much more relaxing to not
be just like feeling like you're constantly pulled out by
two children. But we can go out and do stuff
and it's more fun because this share responsibility. We would
also be home and then like sort of we had
(09:47):
turns on Friday, let's talk about our dinner picnic. Yeah,
let's talk about our dinner picnic. It was a great idea.
Your your idea if I was going to make it
far lazier, and I said, let's go get a pizza
and have a picnic at the playground and I said, no,
screw that. You said no, I bought meats and I
need to cook them. I bought four nights of proteins,
(10:09):
and we are the first. That's what you said, You said,
I have all these proteins. Um. Well, I bought salmon
and scallops and turkey and chicken. And in the first
two nights after I bought them, we didn't cook dinner
for reasons. So I was like, well, now I gotta
do it every single night. Yeah, you're very aggress I
really appreciate you cooking the fish tonight because I was like,
(10:29):
this is the last opportunity to cook this fish. I
it was a very hastily made dinner, but it's like
good enough because I was trying. We ran in from
the beach. I had the presence of mine to order
seamless while driving ten minutes away, and the kids gobbled
(10:52):
up some Chinese food, got in the bathtub, left a
ring of sand in the bathtub, and not a ring,
they left a beach of sand. Well. I pointed out
to Brin and I was like, look how much tand
came off you guys, And he goes, we're going to
need a tub to clean this tub. I was like,
that's really funny. That's like, that is a top to
(11:14):
your joke. I was like, you just came up with
that's a great I got a lot of brain compliments
today from my co workers. Oh yeah, yeah. They said
that he seemed really smart, and I was like, when
he was thinking about dinosaurs on Instagram, is that what
they're referring to? I don't know what he really is
(11:37):
starting to sort of read. Oh, he's completely he's also
just like half pretending though. That's what reading is. M
That is the Peter McNerney school of learning. It's just
it's all pretend. Just experience enough and memorize. You could
just say you're doing it. It's all pretend. That's what
it is. Okay, all right, Um, can we talk about
(12:05):
my turkey burgers. I was really pleased with that. Oh yeah,
but quickly, I want to say, when we're at the beach, also,
a seagull flew by, and he said, oh a chicken
ee um. So he's not that smart actually, but he
sounded like an avid bird bard yellow, like a yellow
breasted warbler. That's a duck. Okay, so you made turkey
(12:29):
burgers for the picnic. They were good. I knew there
would be some critical thing missing in the picnic, even
though you insisted you had napkins and things. And then
we got there and there was no forks. Forks? What
did you need forks for? It was fine, I'm not complaining.
I just I thought it neither be something. You know.
(12:51):
The thing I forgot was a knife because I brought
an avocado to slice avocados on and you forgot all.
I blew that. I intentionally tried to prepare it so
that you would we wouldn't need any forks, did you. Yes.
I thought about it and I was like, I just
need to bring a knife, and then I didn't bring
a knife. Um, oh boy, you don't have brin Okay,
(13:15):
here's something funny Brian said today. Uh, we're jumping around
on the bed and we're watching Spider Man into the
spider Verse. And Brian really loves Spider Ham, who's like
a it's like a cartoon pig spider Man. Anyway, So
he was jumping around and pretending to be Spider Man,
(13:36):
and for some reason he started going, hey Daddy, look
at this, and then you just go jump up and
say human stuff. And then fall on his face on
the mattress, and he thought it was so funny and
he started laughing so hard and he got up and
he's I'm gonna go throw up. M m hm. Well
(14:10):
Peter is now throwing up in the bathroom. Mm hmmm.
This next segment is called did you Knows? It's where
(14:33):
we share some information we find on the internet. Mhm. Hi, guys,
I'm back. Let's not talk about it. Let's not talk
about what just happened. Okay, we're powering through. This is
gonna be a short episode for obvious reasons. But I
heard we're doing great over in this moment, I feel great. Um.
(14:58):
Who knows what will happen in the next ten of
twenty minutes. Um, I heard this the other day on
the radio. I heard this on NPR, so that's a lie.
I did not find this on the internet. And boy
did I relate because this is about beards. You're ready
for this, Beth, my love. UM So, in general, men
(15:24):
with beards or any people with beards, Uh, when people
see them, they tend to see um. It tends to
make people seem both older and stronger. And this is
true with kids too. You know, they did this study
where they showed kids a bunch of pictures of the
(15:46):
same guy, one with one picture without a beard, and
one picture with a beard, and they said, which of
these people is older and which of these people is stronger?
And kids, like a doll, picked the bearded man because
it's a sign, you know, masculinity. Um and Uh. I
(16:08):
was like, that sounds great. It works for me because
I am old and strong. Uh. But something that was
really interesting is that kids preferred no beards. They were
more comfortable with faces with no beards until about puberty,
at which point then kids started to really like beards. Um.
(16:34):
And I thought that was fascinating that there's this clearly
this evolutionary trait too when you are young and helpless, Uh,
to instinctually not trust beards. Do you think that that
means that kids hate you kids love me? I think
(16:57):
it is, like, you know, it does make sense for
a hunter gatherer babies to be suspicious of beards because
people with beards are the most likely weirdos to murder
them and steal them. The faces without beards are less
are less threatening. It's young people and women. Back then,
men would just kind of like drop in from time
(17:17):
to time, which like might have been a better set
up involved. Well, clearly not because they evolved to be
wary of those bearded faces. Um, but yeah, do you
think do you think my kids like my beard? I
think they do. You're a big beard, lady. That sounded
(17:43):
like you're a beard. I'm a lover of beards. I
think a beard improves almost every face. In my opinion
about your face, yeah, I do think if I could,
it could be fun to have a beard. How much
of that was the serious statement? I don't. I think
(18:06):
if I was a guy, I would have a beard
for sure. You definitely would like it would be great.
You know what I think? When I realized that you
were we started dating, I did not have a beard,
and then I quickly did because of you. And I
(18:27):
gotta say, you're you showing me a desire for for
like hairy bearded men, namely me. Really, it's always made
me feel good about myself, and he made me feel
older and stronger. Even when I was pressuring you into
(18:48):
non shaving and you were fighting me on it, I
liked having a beard. I was just shaving a beard
is fun, not anymore. The last few times I shaved
my beard. I was like, like, she was right, this
is a dumb fat face. Look, this guy looks sick.
Also the balder I get when I shaved my beard
off hose, just like there's nothing on my head now,
(19:11):
little bully, Yeah, you look like a baby that only
children would trust. And now I'm a man of whom
children are weary. Yes, Um, are there? Okay? Are the
kinds of beards that you think are better than others?
What's a really good kind of beard? I like them? All? Um,
(19:36):
all of them. There's ugly beard. There's sometimes people have
really blonde beards that are weird depending on the shape
and size. Um, just because you don't know where it
starts and where it ends. I mean generally, I think
blond people are untrustworthy and it's hard to wow. Okay,
shot fired blondies. Keep in mind, our daughter maybns blonde,
(20:00):
I know, and I'm working through my trust issues with
blond people via her. This is something I've never heard
from you. I just who who? What blonde person wrongs? You?
Look at them? All right? Just like what is this?
That was another weird mutation that only kids had blonde
(20:20):
hair and blue eyes. And then some like Scandinavians thousands
of years ago. I had a mutation that made it
so that their hair didn't get dark, and so it
makes them all look younger, like babies. And you don't
trust that because you like older and stronger, right, um
well yeah, and also like the whole Aryan race thing. Oh,
(20:45):
you don't like blond people because of Nazis. I sure
blame all blond I don't blame all blond people. I
just think when she's like that's going down, there's blonde
people involved. You just think blond people have gotten a
free ride for too long. Yeah, they have blonde privilege.
(21:06):
It's not like they're not all bad. They're not. Being
blond doesn't make you bad. You're just more likely to
be bad if you're blonde. Is that what you're saying.
I just think if you're like, um uh, the most
dangerous president we have, you have sort of a weird, creepy,
fake blonde thing going on. So I don't even see
(21:28):
that as blonde. I don't know what that is. It's
trying to be blonde. It's trying to retain the blondness
of youth. Okay, these make a lot more sense. So
you're connecting blondness to political Listen. I could go on
about this all night. Let's we can't connect all the threads,
(21:49):
but they're there. Oh, you know, it doesn't make a
lat of sense now. I'm just I'm just remembering in
our bedroom that all those images you have on the
wall with red thread eyeing them all together into a map.
And every time I come in you're working on and
you say, leave me alone. I've almost cracked it. Does
this have to do that? If you had a map
like that, why do you need the threads to tie
(22:11):
everything together? Like everything there is clearly connected as part,
Like it's like a family tree. You don't want to
forget exactly where those lines are. You don't just need
random lines connecting everything. Um, I gotta say the red
lines are the thing I connect with the most. When
I see an insane you would, I'm like, oh, I
(22:34):
love that. There's rules. You're like, I'm getting a whole
story here. It's telling me where to look. I got
to shoot a commercial where I was that guy looking
at the board with all the strings, and being on
that set made me really happy. I have never seen
(22:55):
this commercial. It was part of that Super Bowl commercial Anyway, anyway,
I was in the super Bowl commercial. Do you guys
know Humble Brag? It was years ago? Okay, well, I
think we can wrap up. This segment covered a lot
of graph It would be really funny if I had
to go through up again. That would be a great
way to end a segment. If you're blonde and are
(23:19):
evil or feel that this, If you're a blond, I
think you can understand why I'm going to You know,
I think twice before trusting you think they could understand
that I do. Yeah, all right, well, blond people, I
think you're great. I think you're great. So um, I
(23:44):
understand white women have done a lot of dumb things.
And so if I walk in a room and someone's like,
like take something out of context and just rolling their
eyes at me, I'm like, I get it. I get it.
Why you would be that way. It makes sense. The
evidence is there. I literally have no idea what you're
talking about right now. I'm just saying why blonde people
(24:06):
should understand why I feel this way as a general vibe,
I'm not I understand this is not true in all case.
I just realized one of your one of our closest
friends is blondel Yeah, and she knows I've had to
overcome some prejudice and you've done that for her, for her,
she should thank you. She taught me a lot. This understands.
(24:30):
There explains a lot of the tension that's clearly evident
between you and Maven every time I see you together. Oh,
I think we really learned something. And this did You
knows a good bonds are bad and that was time
(24:51):
for what they knows. This is where we talk to
our kids and we find out things right for this Yes,
here we go. Okay, now I want to ask you guys.
You know Brind's birthday? Bring your birthday is coming up? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah, we don't kick those kick those handles. That's
(25:12):
too loud in the microphone. Your birthday is coming up, Brind?
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah. How old are you going
to be? Sick? You are a liar. You're not gonna
be six, So you're gonna be five? No? Two? Whoa?
You just change your mind? You said six, now you
said ten. I'm gonna be I'm drenk. Wow, you're old.
(25:35):
What do you want to do for your birthday? Like TV?
So if you can do anything, if you could do
anything for your birthday? You'd want to watch TV? All right?
What else do you want? I'm present and you want presents? Okay,
(25:56):
oh maybe it's falling down. What kind of presence do
you want? Huh? Remote? You want a remote control for
a TV? You know? I want a remote control for
one of my presents. Or you want one of your
presents to have a remote or to be a remote,
(26:19):
to be a remote? And I could tell you you
guys to be up here and a and a computer.
You want a computer? What would you do with a computer? Brand?
I work on it and it's gonna be your computer.
So you want my computer for your birthday? Brend? Tell
(26:41):
me when daddy does work on his computer, what do
you think the work actually is? Puppies? That's what you
think I do. I just go on the computer and
I write our our puppies, puppies, puppies. Yes, Why would
(27:02):
I do so? Ghosts? Ghost? And then do I send
that to somebody? Who do I send it to? Nick?
I said to your your favorite comedian, Nick Nellis. Why
do you think Nick is so funny? It's hard to explain.
(27:24):
I don't want to do it now, all right? Who
do you want to come to your birthday? I'm Sis Cyrus.
You get Lucas, nobody else, nobody else, just Sika and
maven Man. What do you are? Not inviting you because
you're because you're already here. You're all going to be
(27:47):
because you're already going to be here. It's a good point.
You don't need an invitation because you live here already,
so you will be here. Would you like to be
invited anyway? Mabn Oh, you know what invit you? Maybe?
Do you have any hopes for Brind's birthday? Are you
excited about Brin's birthday? What do you want? And I
(28:15):
the name banana? Please? What a banana for Brind's birthday?
Or just right now? Right now? What is your favorite food?
You eat a lot of bananas. You also eat avocados,
now right? You like avocados with a spoon. You just
(28:38):
coughed in my face? Oh now you think it's funny.
Tell me what other foods do you like? Apple? Yes? Yeah, buddy,
Well we're doing an interview here. You made a card? No,
(29:00):
I it's just open. Oh so you folded a piece
of paper into the shape of a card and that
and when I like this Yeah, this is just drop.
I put it like, Wow, it's a really good card.
Are you gonna write on it? Yeah? Firthday to do
like open open, You did it amazing. When are you?
(29:26):
When is your next birthday? Do you know when your birthday? Oh?
You're coughing in my face? Work? Do you know the
date of your birthday? You know your birthday is May first? Right?
You just farted on me and coughed in my face
at the same time. Are you proud? Are you proud?
(29:51):
Do you want to be to? You? Ask for it?
Who's smiling? So that again you're gonna eat some Life
Cereal into the micrope Alright, so Brandon, this is the birthday. Okay,
very good the birthday interview. Last question, who would be
the most surprising person to show up to your birthday? Yeah? Nick?
(30:20):
Well maybe s falling off the chair? Um okay, um,
all right, Well everyone's sliding off of my lap and
is eating Life Cereal and doesn't want to be interviewed anymore.
So before we go, I have one more question for
both Maven and Britain. While Brand has a mouthful of
(30:43):
Life Cereal, the question is how what's one word brand
you would use to describe yourself dinosaur? Okay, cool, all right,
Maybe get some life cereal and then come back over
here to them microphone. Okay, now you have a whoa,
(31:04):
you bumped into a table, you fell down with a
mouthful life there you'll come here that Tell me? How
would you? What's one word you would use to describe yourself?
Are you a cow? Maybe? I forgot to tell you
right now? You have face paint on from yesterday which
(31:27):
we didn't totally wash off, and you have a unicorn face.
Do you love your unicorn horn? Yeah? I see it.
It's beautiful. Tell me tell us what hair it was?
Under your hair, under your bangs? Yeah? All right? Well
should we uh say goodbye to the fine folks listening?
(31:49):
Fart by boom boom and fart by? You heard it
here first? How about you say by chism? How should
I say bye? You have a catchphrase fart by. Everyone
knows that you say fart by. That's your thing, that's
how would say by? And even high? Would you like?
(32:14):
Would be high? Like that? Forty? And then fart bye?
You say fart nice to see you, fart to see
you later, fartt la vista baby um or so what
should Daddy's thing be? What should how should Daddy sign off?
(32:35):
Horse by? Horseby? How does Maven say goodbye in a
special you just gargle all right? Horse by? Everybody? Well? Adorable? Um.
(32:58):
The one thing that I pulled out of their bath
that I wanted to talk about is the fact that Brin,
after going to this birthday party, this lavish pool party
for a three year old with dozens of kids, he
said that he only wants two people at his birthday party.
And you know what, I am fine with that. Yeah,
(33:20):
I mean who else would you invite? Well, that was
my concern, but that Brin was like, no, no, yeah,
I have the same idea as you give me two friends.
He has like two friends, so that makes sense. It's cool. Um.
I also, I'd like to just take an opportunity to
thank everyone who wrote in with birthday present ideas. There's
(33:40):
some really good ones. Oh yeah, someone on Twitter gave
me a good recommendation for one of those little Polaroid
cameras and so we ordered that and I'm excited. Um,
that's great. Um. While we're talking about it, I'm just
gonna read these quick birthday gift ideas. M Rachel wrote
in said you should get Brin a keywie crate for
(34:03):
his birthday. Their stem projects designed for kids, a whole
age range of age options available. Uh, and they sponsor
a lot of podcasts. So I looked up. I looked
this up. You're wary of it because it's a lot
of stuff. Oh, this was like the subscription thing where
(34:24):
you get a lot of little things all the time.
And and I might circle back and try to convince
you of this because they send like these little science
slash art projects and you were worried that it was
like wasteful, but these all looks like recyclable things. Worried
about how a constant influx of tiny pieces of things
into the home that he's instantly going to just disperse
(34:45):
and lose. And then I think these are things that
are not meant to last, so you can throw them away,
and you should. It's like paper, but toys just proliferate,
and they have little pieces of junk in every toy bin.
And it's just I don't want all this extra stuff
all right. It takes up space, it's bad for the environment.
I'm just a little weary. I haven't looked at these
(35:08):
specific well all I'm saying is check it out, because
I just don't know if he's old enough to appreciate
it without like flinging it into the corners of the rooms.
They've got subscription services for all ages. Check it out.
Rachel wrote in and told us about it, and I
appreciate that and so, um, we'll look into it, Rachel.
Here's the other one more thing. Colleen wrote in to say,
(35:32):
love the podcast. A book recommendation for Brinn since you
mentioned he's into the planets, especially Pluto is a place
for Pluto by Steph Wade. My four year old digs it. Um,
thanks Colleen, you know what. I am going to look
into it haven't yet, but will that does sound very
much up Brin's alley. Um, can I quickly talk about
(35:55):
how our kids like to look at the back of
the books they've just at bedtime and make me name
every book that is also for sale and then the
quest that I order the book right then and there?
Have you ever done that? No? But I tried to
explain to brand that he might get some for his
birthday and he's like, okay, but just put it in now.
(36:15):
Like he's trying. He's trying to find the words for order,
but he doesn't know. He's like, you like your phone,
deliver the book like he's like, he's very yeah, anyway,
isn't that a crazy thing? They know that, they know
that anything they want is the ve just come to
the door if we just press a button on her. Anyway,
(36:41):
I didn't. I tried to get brand to understand the
concept of like getting paid for a chore today because
my friend was telling me she was doing with her
daughter and they had spilled cereal all over the floor,
and I was like, if you pick this up, I'll
give you a quarter for your piggy bank. And he goes,
there's already plenty in my piggy bank. He's certainly does
not understand the value of money. No, he doesn't their
(37:04):
decorations to him. I tried to explain it to him,
like how it has to add up over time, and
he just instantly was like, not paying attention to me.
We should take him the store to buy something so
he sees how it works. Not yet, I don't care.
I'm gonna throw up. This has been did you know?
Did you hear? Who knows? There? The kids are talking
(37:38):
well before we go. I just wanted to take an opportunity.
We're gonna call this one a little short today for
very obvious reasons. Um, But last week or the week before,
forget when we changed our call to say leave us
a review no longer do we want a very exc
(38:00):
podcast for parents to be the line of your review.
We changed it to this podcast got me pregnant. And
do you know what, once again, you beautiful listeners came through.
And how many I'm looking at the right right now. Uh,
this podcast got me pregnant. One, This parenting podcast got
(38:24):
me pregnant. Great, um in a sea of seriousness, that's
a good amount. The earnest one. This podcast got me pregnant.
This podcast got me pregnant, This regnant, This podnant got
me pregnant. That's a bunch. But there's one I'd like.
How many was that? Six? Or seven? This one from
our friend Matt, who who wrote in originally about the
(38:46):
round robin tournament of things kids like um that we
we did really went all out. Everyone was great. But Matt,
here we go. I'm gonna read this review. I've never
read a review before. We hear ago really tried but
couldn't get my wife pregnant with this podcast. The mood
(39:11):
was set. Three year old teeth were brushed, his pjs
on tucked into bed, now fast asleep. Toys were cleaned up,
dishes were done, dirty clothes all in the hamper. The
bedroom lights were dimmed, a candle was lit a safe
distance from the bed and anything flammable, and the bluetooth
(39:31):
speaker was cued up and ready. My beautiful wife sauntered in,
wearing only her favorite maternity pants. Wearing only her favorite
maternity pants and a Golden State Warrior's T shirt, which,
as we don't like basketball and have never been to
northern California, neither of us was really, ever, really sure
(39:55):
where it came from. I quickly popped open a bottle
of her favorite eight all are junice wine. I can't read,
We're not cultured, and poured into two glass these glasses
from the night stands. I just threw up. I just
(40:15):
threw up, and I can't read. So I'm trying to
do a sexy place. I think they were only used
once for water. Should be clean, these glasses I'm referring to.
I'm destroyed that sentence. I'm sorry, Matt. The time was right.
I pressed play and we immediately became immersed in the smooth,
(40:36):
dulcet tones of Peter and Beth describing at nauseum their
new bed purchase, as well as to try and trying
to make last minute plans for a birthday party for
their son Brit. I mean, how can people listen to
this in public without casting a sexy scene? Well, I
forgot to mention that we co sleep, so at this
(40:58):
point little Matthew woke up and the other little and
the other little Matthew had to be put away. Wow.
We watched some videos, put out the candle as well
as our hopes of ever being intimate again as well
as our hopes of ever being intimate again, and fell asleep.
All in all a splendid evening. Can't wait to try
(41:19):
again next Tuesday. I'm invested that where do we hold on?
I'm not done. Beth and Peter are seriously awesome podcasters.
They engaged our listeners with a simple mix of comedy,
real lild, information, chemistry, and good dialogue with absolutely no
traces of one person interrupting or talking over the other.
(41:40):
I recommend following them both on Twitter and Instagram for
funny political commentary as well as toads adorbs sharing of
family moments. Are you surprised? I told you to be
quiet and I interrupted you before reading a thing about
how I interrupt you? Um Am, I surprised because I
(42:02):
forgot that was in there, and it surprised me. It's
very funny review everyone. Your reviews are amazing, but you're winning.
You really took the homework assignment. I think we're not
going to do a new homework assignment immediately, but we're
gonna really think of a good one in a couple
of weeks. In the meantime, just keep wowing us with
(42:23):
your reviews. Just surprises. You get the general vibe of
what we're looking for. Anyway, this has been We Knows Parenting.
If you'd like to send a question, share a story,
give us some advice, or a parenting hypothetical fur would
you know segment? You are welcome to email us that
we Knows Pod at gmail dot com or leave a
voicemail at three four seven three eight four seven three
(42:46):
nine six and find us on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook at
we knows Pod. Oh my god, you guys, I'm so
sorry that you had to listen to me. Be so sick.
Your champions and heroes and I love you. Goodbye bye,
do Offen.
We Knows Parenting News
Hosts And Creators
Beth Newell
Peter McNerney
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.