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May 26, 2020 25 mins

We’ve reached the end (probably). This is it (we think): the final episode of We Knows Parenting (unless we change our minds and come back which is possible). Goodbye forever (or for a lesser amount of time than forever).

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Episode Transcript

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Speaker 1 (00:01):
I got to say hello and welcome to the NOS Parenting.
I'm Peter McNerney and I'm Beth Newell. You oh boy,
oh my friends, oh boy, we have some news for you.

We have some news for you. How do we tell
them the news? Well, we're just gonna have to rip
it off like a band aid. We are going to
put this podcast on pause, um, put it on ice.
I was a debated, I was wondered. I was like,
I wonder if she's going to say, this is our
last episode. This is our last episode for a while.

We don't know what the future brings, but it's for
a variety of reasons. It felt like a good stopping
point for us. And are what are the good reasons
for for you? The good reasons? Well, I just I
think it's funny. So like quarantine happened, and in some ways,

like everyone's saying, oh, now we have all this time
at home, but we haven't really gained time. You're still
teaching remotely, I've lost time. Yeah, it's it's not. We
we just don't have as much time as you would think,
and we're trading parenting duties and it's just it was
always exhausting to do this podcast at the end of

the day. Um, even though we do enjoy doing it.
But now it's just I feel like we're transitioning into
like a slower time and we're trying to be precious
with our moments and and I'm and I'm struggling to
be present. Yeah, I just don't. It's weird because as

much as I was like probably getting a little burnt
out before quarantine happened, I was more in a mode
of like doing and going, and it was like it's
just easier to sort of squeeze things in when you're
in that mode. And now it's like we spend house
the day with the kids and we're cooking dinner, and

it's like you're not. You just can't like pull yourself
back into this like go go go lifestyle. Like it's like, Okay,
now we have to record a podcast. It's nine pm.
It's that it's just I've somehow in this time, I
have fewer nights free than occupied, which is insane. I'm
doing two shows that I'm teaching another night, and then

I'm producing a podcast another night. Uh. And during the
week I'm full time school, not full time, I'm a
part time school. Teacher and and then the other part
time is all of my other jobs right anyway, But
and then it kind of obviously creates tension between the
two of us because when we're like busy and tired,
it feels it feels like the other person is making

us do the podcast, which is not really the case,
but it's psychologically we are to resent each other weirdly,
you know, I think our our biggest historically over this podcast.
And we've talked about this a bunch, where like historically
our tensions arise in the recording, and at least in
the last year, we've used the podcast to become better

communicators and partners and we get along on the podcast
way more. And it's it's before and after the recording
better stressful Now sometimes it's during the recording, but not
in a while, we've gotten past a lot of that.
It's like it's thought us to set some good boundaries,

I think, and communicate our true needs. Um, it's so funny,
like I have learned really in the last couple of
weeks how much you're not always articulating how you actually
feel about things, and so like last like this has
happened before last night, I can't. I got home late,

We're going to record, and you and um, I was
driving with my sister to run an errand um and
we uh sorry. I looked at you. You're so clearly
so tired out of it, had been like slumped on
the couch, and I was like, do you want to
record in the morning? And you were like shocked by

this information and you were like, um, the morning and
then you're like, uh, yeah, I can't. But it like
hadn't occurred to you that, like you're like, are not
you were not in a good state to record a podcast? Yeah? Yeah, um,
but boy, you know what, I have a I have

a lot of guilt about this. Yeah, you have, like
I mean, we both have clearly some um we both
have some like workaholic tendencies. And I think, well, there's
this like an imaginary person who mad at us if
we don't do everything we set out to do. And
so I think in the last couple of weeks of

talking this out, we've revealed some of your demons around
not being able to let go because I think you
right now, I think you are more exhausted by this
podcast than I am, even though historically I have been
the more exhausted one, and I can just feel like

you're not You're ready to take a break. It's fifty
minutes of your week and it's more of mine. Right.
But I hate I have. I hate quitting. No, I
hate quitting too. I hate It's like, but I've I've
gotten better, I think at quitting. But every time I

quit something, it's like it's a miracle. Yeah, usually feels
so good, getting to that point where I realized that
this is actually I know. If I'm quitting something, it's
for the right reason, it's freeing me up, it's whatever,
and I have so much guilt building up to it,
and then when it's over, I'm like, oh, this was

this was right. Yeah, And it's it's like a trust
the universe thing, which you don't like, Like I don't
trust the universe. There's all when you quit something that's
like weighing on you, there's always something that comes in
that's better. The way I have operated since as long
as I can remember having any sort of agency, you know,

of like deciding what activities I was gonna do. Whenever
that happens, like you know, probably around the middle school,
where like I'm really have strong opinions about what I'm
gonna how I'm gonna spend my time, Like extracurriculars. I've
filled up my time. I fill it up whatever. Whenever
I'm available, I fill it up with something exciting, and

until I hit a breaking point and I'm like, why
am I? Am I sad? Why am I sad? And
then I realized I'm doing something, uh that I don't
need to be doing. Remember, well, we both, like, I think,
we both have a ton and say to just spread
ourselves tooth in because you're like, well, I have to,
like I think, especially because of the nature of our careers.

You're auditioning, I'm pitching things and whatever, and it's like
just constantly feeling like, Okay, if I don't jump when
people say jump, I'm never going to have a career,
you know. And to bring it back to parenting, uh,
you know, and again all but these things that I
quit aren't things I don't love, Like I love this

and the yeah, I think, like we we don't hate
doing this podcast. It's more like if this, it's like
our lives are just a jumble of these little things.
And if you don't have proper time carved out in
the day that's like your work time, so you can
like devote yourself properly to what you're doing. Everything just
starts to feel insane. Yeah. Uh. I But the idea

that there's even one listener who's going to hear this
episode and be like, this is my this is my
Tuesday jam, my Tuesday routine is gone. I think they'll
be okay. I mean, you'll be okay. But just know
that I have an insane amount of guilt for making

anyone feel bad about anything ever. But also on top
of that, I I have I am incredibly critical of
myself for being so presumptuous as to think that somebody
needs me. You know, that's something that helped me years
ago get better at quitting things, because like when I

was straight out of college and having like just odd jobs,
I always felt so bad about quitting. And then I realized,
like I had to tell myself, like, this is like
a form of narcissism that you think you quitting this
like baby sitting job, is that you're so irreplaceable that
the world won't go on, And I, like I sometimes

remind myself, like you could get struck by lightning tomorrow
and everyone else would pick up the pieces and move on.
Like everyone, I oscillate between those two things. So it's
the intense I have a complicated relationship with humility, um

in that I've realized as I get older that it's
incredibly I important to me. I like, is is I
want people to think that I'm humble, and so if
I appear selfish, it's like the biggest freak out. And
this is my big Midwest thing. So it is that, like,
I'm still so bad that somebody is going to miss us,

and I feel worse that I think someone would miss me. Well,
what are these people doing for us? You know, what
have they ever done for us? Besides? No, I'm just
ding know. We appreciate you guys downloading the incredible because
besides the incredible amount of validation and advice were able

amount of validation? Oh yeah, I mean honestly, the only
reason we have continuing to do this is because of
all of you. It's been fun. We might, you know,
we might come back and drop an episode here and there.
Who's who knows. So yeah, that was the So we

told Chuck Bryant, who's been our our point man at
the network, and the person who point man on the scene.
That's right, who's who made the show possible. And we
were here's the first present. We told that we're gonna stop,
and he was like, well, let's leave it up. I
know that, you know he listens to the show, which
is incredibly flattering and uh um, and he's like, people

want to know what's up with you, So we're going
to leave the feed up, so stay stay subscribed. Um
and if you yeah, you guys can always go back
and re listen to us arguing with each Yeah. It's
somewhere around episode I don't know, zero idea. We pushed.
We pushed through a wall of fighting. Yeah, we really did.

We learned about ourselves and each other in front of
all of you. We yeah, we really I don't know
if we said this yet, but we really are grateful
for how much this podcast has forced us to communicate
with one another with an audience of you. You guys
have been ours are silent therapists, um couples therapists, and
we're we've really I feel like this in a way,

It just feels like this podcast has like served its
purpose for us, which was largely to force us to
figure out how to communicate with each other about parenting. YEA, Honestly,
that was the biggest concern in stopping besides the guilt
and all of that was the Yeah, you were like,
how are we going to talk to each other? And
I was like, didn't we learn the lesson? Can we

not just turn to one another? Well? I do think,
and this was part of the deals, Like I do
think we need to have mandatory time and it's like
a date night. Yeah, but I think what is incredibly
unique about this and you know, and it's it may
even says it seems cliche to say it, but it's

totally true. Is it's not just a date night. It's
fifty minutes of talking where neither one of us looks
at a screen. Uh, and we're on topic, right. But
it also has its limits where like there's a variety
of subjects in our personal lives that are not appropriate
to discuss publicly, that are just between us as a

family or whatever. And sometimes on the podcast you have
like veered into those areas in a way that's like
completely undiscussed, and like it'll be I think sometimes it's
nice to like be like, oh, we can have a
cavers where we don't have to worry about how it
this sounds to a consumer. Yeah, uh yeah, that's yeah,

So what I think we should do and uh, let's
commit to something in front of our audience. Um is
even if it's I mean, this is the advice I've
started to give people. You know, I jokingly say, you know,
advice about a relationship is start a podcast about yourselves,

because that's what we did. But I mean that's you know,
I mean, I'm sure there's many examples of one that
has gone wrong, right, but set a half an hour
a week where you literally set a time or put
down your phones and talk about your week together. Because
I learned about your week hearing you tell the audience

like we talked about it. I learned so many things
about you in this conversation that maybe we would talk
about otherwise, but we have just like, hey, how is
your week? Let's talk about the week? Yeah you want
to do that? You talk about our week? Um? Going
forward when there's no podcast, sure, all right, you heard

it here, folks. If we check back in and however long,
we'll let you know if that happened, or we'll forget
that we said that. I mean, we can also just
talk to each other throughout the week, and then I
don't have to like mentally catalog what happened during the week. Well,
because it's not I feel like it's less loaded because
we're not like creating content. I think if we tried

to go like, oh, we'll do out throughout the week,
it won't be the same. Um, So I think we
have to do a Monday night half an hour talk. Okay, well,
we'll see what happens. I have found because we we
decompress and we have our alone time and we recharge

in very different ways. And because they're both staring at
TV screens in different rooms, different TV shows. I mean,
if it was up to me, I would be around
you every second, just talking NonStop. Yeah, that's true. This
podcast has allowed me. I mean when we don't have

this podcast and we go like a week and a
half of date nightly routines where we're in different rooms,
I get paranoid and sad, and I think the worst
we sometimes are in the same rooms. I know, but
I'm saying part this podcast has made it easier for
me to ignore you, to be like I'm gonna leave
Beth alone. Because we have a we have check in points, yeah,

and if we're saying we'll just do it throughout the week,
I'm more likely to just like start hounding you. Well,
I for me, I feel like this is going to
free up our time so we can do it more organically,
because I think part of why I'm like when you're
walking in the room and I'm kind of decompress and
watch TV and I'm like, can I just be left alone,

It's because all of these nights of the week are
blocked off already where I don't have decompression time, So
like this, having this podcast in the way makes me
more likely on other nights to be like I just
need to zone out and listen to a spiritual podcast
and no one should talk to me. But that's the
best way to keep me away from you is to

start playing a spiritual podcast out loud. I know, I
can't find my headphones, and I'm like, I guess I
gotta play my weird shit out loud for everybody. Well, no,
it just really keeps me awake. I know it's so
upsetting to you that people would believe in afterlife and
positive energy. Well, I don't want to anger you, and
I don't want to be irrationally defensive, and so I

leave the room and everyone is happy. It's like a
Peter repellent. It really really am Yeah. Um, I love you, Beth,
I really I love you. To really love you in
this podcast helped me understand what that meant. Um, I

have an idea for the listeners. Yeah, I feel bad.
I didn't true to form. I didn't prepare anything for
this this episode. We have not prepared for this episode
in any year and a half. Yeah, I just I don't.
I really thought I would think of something for this
last episode, and then I didn't. You've described every week.

I know. I just it is what it is, guys,
it is what it is. Um. Is this interesting? Um?
I had an idea, though, and this is on This
is on the listeners, and this, I feel, this is
speaks exactly to what I was talking about before, that

this is the only this is the only idea I had,
and I feel incredibly guilty even thinking it's a good idea,
which is such a classic Peter idea. Listeners, I want
to hear I'm toying with the idea of putting out
one last little episode after this, UM that's built entirely

around listener voicemails and emails about what you've gotten out
of this podcast. We have gotten out a lot. We've
learned a lot from you from talking and people right
in and say really nice things about this podcast. And
I'm wondering how it has helped you as a parent

or in a relationship. Um, and I'd love to end
the podcast with an episode that just shares all those
things remind us of your favorite which you knows, kid
pooping in a store scenarios. Well, it's more of that.
If somebody discovers this podcast when we're not making it,
then the first episode they find is the summation of

all the helpful things that our listeners have pulled from
two years parent ramblings. Yeah, I mean, I don't some
people might have found some helpful things. Some people might
have just laughed at us, and that's fine too. That's
also helpful in its own way. Sure. I think most

people just enjoy feeling not alone. Yeah, Like, I think
at the end of the day, this podcast is just
sort of like showing us as a visible mess and
saying like that's okay, that's what parenthood looks like all
the time for everybody. Yeah, and if we just get
forty emails that all say that yeah, or you can

send us like a little voice memo we can play.
We're happy to just hear any little snippets of what
you found fund and four lessons from me. See couple four.
That's how many episodes we have done. Episode Um, so

no joke. It would mean a lot to us if
you took a second to really thing about what is
something concrete? Um, how a my different now as a
parent because of different now for better or for worse,
as a partner, as a parent, as a person. Um.
From going on this journey with us, What do you

think is like the most important message of this podcast?
Do you think communicating for me? Yes, a dent is
learning learning how to listen. Learning how to listen is

really big for you. Yeah. Um, I like probably anyone
who's listened to this has heard this before, but like
I on the opposite end of the spectrum, I'm always
trying to stop being so tuned into everyone and take
care of myself. And I feel like that is like
one of my biggest messages to moms out there. You know,

people who have experienced especially pregnancy and breastfeeding and any
of that any of the emotional labor that gets lumped
on women most of the time. And I my my
big takeaway thing I try to impart to other moms
is just like, it's not a bad thing to take

care of yourself. It's it's actually incredibly important that you
take care of yourself and get rest and food and
whatever you need. Um, an hour of alone time a
day to stay sane. It's it makes you a better mom,
and it makes you a better person to be around. Um.
And that's my big thing. I have one other thing, well,

that was I think the big lesson for me per
and I know, I know that doesn't necessarily apply to
like all moms and marriages and partnerships, but that's just
my yeah thing. Anyway, I think the big lesson of
this podcast as a whole is, as parents, do the
best you can, stay positive and forgive yourself. Yeah. And

I think, especially like in this coronavirus era, it's almost
it's it's obviously harder in a million ways, but also
I think there's something easier about like being like, oh, okay,
someone pete on the floor. It was maybe a dog
or a kid, but there's like a bigger fish to
fry and it's like it's in some ways easier to

roll with that of like, like since we've been on
quarantine and we're with our kids seven it's like they're
always running up to me with jam all over their
faces and like hugging me and wiping it all over
my shirt, and like these days that kind of stuff,
I'm sort of like, okay, Like I just like we've

pushed past a lot of jam based a lot of
p in this house lately and we've got through it.
Mavens um sort of resistance being as as we've said
on this podcast. So, UM, here's where we are in

our life. UM, maybe we'll leave you with this. We're
in quarantine, We're in a house that's not ours. We're
we have like very questionable um future in terms of
where we're living, and we're sorting that out, and we're
um still haven't closed on our new house in Brooklyn.
It's a nightmare. I won't get into it. But it's

also okay because we don't need to be in Brooklyn
in the middle of a pandemic and it's all going
to be fine. So if you hear from us uh again,
we'll probably be in a very different place, or we
won't um, but yeah, you guys are the best. Thank you,
thank you. This has been the final episode of We

Knows Parenting. If you would like to write in to
tell us the big thing or many things that you
have pulled from this experience, please email us and we
knows pot at gmail dot com. Yeah, send us a
voice moment there if you want to talk out loud
to us, or you can leave us a voicemail at

three four seven three eight four seven three nine six
um social media if who cares? You don't need to
follow us anymore. You know rate and reviews, Fine, it
doesn't matter. If nothing matters anymore, write it's an email.
We want to hear from you. We don't need the
rest of that stuff any Do you recommend my book
to your pregnant friends. There's no manual, honest and gory

wisdom about having a baby. You can find Peter on
All Things Story Pirates, Story Pirates come uh Saturday nights,
Trike the Magnet Theater dot com, reductress dot com. We
have a live show once a month. Yeah, I'm even
watch on Zoom doing live shows. Every Friday night was

strit and every Saturday Night with Trike, UM Giant. Thanks
to Chuck Bryant, nicest man in the world. And to
Mates of State for doing our theme song and we
never thank you. Mates of State also for just being
good parenting examples and UM Sherry, our producer. I'm definitely
forgetting other people, UM Trevor and Miranda for putting these

episodes up and together, the listeners and most of all
you thank you all right until next time later dudes. Bye,

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Beth Newell

Beth Newell

Peter McNerney

Peter McNerney

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